1. You wanted to book a trip to Athens, but the agent misunderstood you…where did they send you?
The California Department of Motor Vehicles.
2. What will customs agents find in your luggage?
Everything but a CERTIFIED copy of my divorce document.
3. What do you sneak aboard the flight, and what do you sneak it in?
A comfort skunk in my backpack.
4. The plane crashes — everyone survives — where did you crash?
5. What are three things you find at your crash site?
My birth certificate, my Social Security card, and an uncertified copy of my divorce decree.
6. Survivors see a rescue opportunity but don’t take it…why?
Everyone is giving me advice on how to get a passport and other documents to prove I am me so I can get a Real ID.
7. What are you finally rescued by?
The Valium truck.
8. What is the first thing you do when you get back home?
Switch to the Republican party.
9. The airline offers you money, but you turn it down…what do you get instead?
A regular driver’s license.
10. You decide that a cruise is safer, where do you go?
The Island of Rage.
11. You get marooned on a deserted island but find huts and scientific equipment made out of coconuts…what happened to Gilligan and the Skipper?
They obviously didn’t have the correct paperwork and were stuffed into jail.
12. A fishing boat rescues you, but you have to pay Poseidon for safe passage…what do you pay?
The very valuable and rare black and white mink in my backpack.
13. He rejects your fare and throws you across the world…you land safely, but where do you end up?
14. How does your story end?