Tag Archives: shopping

Fun Challenge: Grocery List

Grocery list

Shocking right? What a mess! Welp, I don’t keep it neatly on my phone like the Bag Lady does. I grab any piece of paper and start scribbling as I think of things, using whichever writing implement hasn’t been batted under the fridge by the kitty. I also write in code that even I sometimes have trouble deciphering later.

S&C is shampoo and conditioner, obviously. Lysol wipes, coffee, tissue, green beans, and… guam? Yes, apparently I’m picking up Guam this weekend. Hope they have it at Von’s and it’s not over my credit card limit.

Dunno why I wrote my beverages as an outline, though of course Diet Coke is the most important one. Don’t worry, haters! I’ve reserved lots of comments so you can rant about the evils of diet soda. Please do go on. Now, in your corner is a recent study correlating diet soda to early death… but also regular (sugary) soda is linked as well. Soda is bad, mmkay? Always remember though: correlation is not causation.

Also, if you didn’t know… milk is bad (fat). Juice is bad (sugar). Booze is bad (duh). And even water is bad ~ polluted and full of micro-plastics and hormones and fluoride, which now has been proven to lower IQ. OMG, the wackadoos were right! What else have they been right about? Maybe the earth is flat! Maybe we didn’t go to the moon! Maybe Elvis is still alive! The possibilities are endless…

What can we drink then? Conservatives have liberal tears slurped up through plastic straws, but what about the rest of us? Personally, I alternate my Diet Coke with Bai and Snapple (both also diet) until it’s cold (under 70 degrees F), at which point I’ll switch mainly to hot black tea with a splash of milk. Generally, I’ll have one large cup of coffee per day. Mm, hot drinks coming soon. September is annoying because of this heat forcing me to drink so many cold things. Hurry up autumn!

I’ve been out of avos for days, which is so sad (maybe I was crying when I wrote it down, hence the blur?). Avocados are my favorite food and I like to have one a day when I can. I’ve been known to have an avo for breakfast. Just plain, with salt. I’m not a fancy person.

This is also why I don’t date anymore ~ who would want to have a relationship with someone that eats avocados for breakfast? Besides a raccoon… 🥑

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Couch Potato Club [socs 300]

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

Ever since he was a baby spud 🥔, Russ wanted to become a member of the Couch Potato Club. All the best potatoes belonged to the CPC: Big Red, Goldie, Yam… Russ made it his life’s mission to emulate those tates.

First, he worked out. As soon as he got up in the morning, Russ headed straight for the couch. He never got distracted with invitations to the beach or anything like that. He pulled down the shades so he wouldn’t see sunshine, blue skies, and spuds playing on the grass.

Second, he made sure he had everything he needed right next to him on the couch, just like the CPC handbook said to do. Remotes for the TV, cell phone, snacks, and drinks. He left the couch only to use the bathroom.

Third, if anyone asked him for a favor, he’d say he was busy. It was harsh, but Russ knew he had to be tough and relentless to reach his goal.

Finally, he applied for membership, sure he’d get in. He submitted his best selfie, very proud of how he looked like a big fat lumpy tate on his couch. The reply came quickly. Rejection!

Russ was heartbroken. What happened? He called his friend Yam, hoping to get a direct answer.

“Sorry, bro,” Yam said. “But we have video footage of you in the grocery store.”

“But… but… I needed more snacks!”

“A true Couch Potato orders online and has snacks delivered to maximize couch time. It says so on page forty-seven, paragraph three of the CPC handbook.”

“I missed that,” Russ cried. “I’m sorry! May I try again?”

“Nope. You’re banned for life.”

Russ was so depressed he went outside to play in the sun, didn’t watch where he was going, and got mashed by a truck.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Weekly Smile

This week’s smile is one of those theater masks 🎭 ~ but half of it is a smile, so it counts!

Let’s do the tragedy first so we can end on an upbeat note. I ordered a dress, along with some other stuff, for my daughter’s birthday in March and the dress didn’t fit, so we exchanged it for another one. Since the Dumb Company was only sending a dress, instead of packaging it up in a safe box to be left at my door, they squashed it up in a plastic bag, which the mailperson further squished into my mailbox.

When I retrieved the mail, the plastic bag had caught on the metal of the mailbox, tearing through it and the dress, making a hole in the fabric. I had to send it back again, as damaged this time, and request another one. I guess my March birthday girl is going to get her gift in May. 🙄

Around the same time, I separately ordered two packages of socks for myself from Amazon. I arrived home the other night and there was a giant box at my door. Hmm, I thought… what’s this? I opened it to find a bunch of bubble packs protecting my precious socks, which were in perfect pristine condition.

Say what you will about Amazon, they know how to ship their stuff without wrecking it. 👍🏻😀🎉

Green Is Good

Hope you enjoy some more greenery in your feed for Terri’s Sunday Stills photo challenge. 🍀🙂💚

A New You — Finish the Story Challenge

This challenge was started by Teresa, The Haunted Wordsmith and then passed to Rory, A Guy Called Bloke. Rory passed the challenge on to Kristian, who passed it to me. [Note: I edited this paragraph to apply to me after Rory reblogged my post and noted that I’d kept Kristian’s wording.]

Here is Rory’s post:

Finish The Story 2019 – #8

and here is Teresa’s original post:

https://thehauntedwordsmith.wordpress.com/2019/03/13/finish-the-story-2019-8/

store-984393_1920

Finish The Story 2019 – #8

Tailoring A New You

The small shop sat on the corner of Houston and Parker for more than a century. Any piece of clothing a person ever needed could be found there. They even sold hand stitched underwear. The Frederickson family owned the shop from the day it opened, and everyone loved the family.
It wasn’t just the customer service, low prices, and great quality that brought customers back for generations – it was the other things the Fredericksons offered. They say a new pair of clothes can change a person, and at A New You, they meant it. One had to be careful when requesting a custom suit – you didn’t want to get your specifications wrong. Why, even one misplaced check mark could have dire consequences on a person’s future.
Take Emilio for example, he …
***
Part 2 – Rory from A Guy Called Bloke

Take Emilio for example, he … had listened to his Father Fausto for years, since indeed when he had been kneehigh to a grasshopper crediting and hailing the Fredericksons or as his Father pronounced it the Frederickshons for their exquisitery and finery in being able to produce something absolutely remarkable from sometimes the most staidest of cloth and if not that then there was this magical element to the garments, you didn’t just wear the suit, the suit wore you!
Fausto, had been a young man when he had first ventured into the German tailors at the bequest of his own Father Gregorio, Emilio’s Grandfather only armed with the words – ‘Don’t judge a book by its cover Fausto, this family are from a long line of magickal tailors. They enthuse the garments with not just love and beauty, nor experience and wisdom but if l didn’t know better, l would say with their very souls and blood, indeed it is almost like wearing another person’s skin, but in suit form. For the best suit anywhere in this world, this is the only place to be”
“The moment you slip inside the fabric, it’s almost like you are a different person. My last bit of advice is you must know what you and who you want and where you want to be in life? Then the master tailor Gunther he will make you a masterpiece of craftsmanship. There will never be anything like it ever again, it will be your one and only suit from the time you start your professional life to the day you stop working, then you MUST take off that suit and return it to the family of the Frederickshons, so that they can destroy it, do you understand what l am saying to Fausto?”
“I think so Father, yes.” Fausto answered rather confusedly.
When Fausto had gone to the family tailors he had been made a suit so fine, so fitting that he never needed another suit ever again in his life, he had wanted to be rich and successful and within a very short time Fausto had become one of the cities most sought out grocers. No one had fruits or vegetables of the quality that Fausto had. No one could ever outsell him, outbid him, outsmart or outfool him. After 50 years he had built up an empire of grocery stalls that was the best in all of the Americas! Fausto had wanted his favourite and only Son Emilio to take on the family business, but Emilio needed his own power suit, his own successful three-piece so he could follow in his Father’s footsteps ………
.….except Fausto hadn’t actually asked his Son what and if he wanted to follow in his Father’s shadow, or if he wanted to lead his own life?
Of course the truth had he been asked was indeed different – Emilio wanted his Sister Alessandra to take on her Father’s business. His Sister had always been keenly astute on that side of the business, she was very taken with fruits and vegetables and herbs, she was a fabulous cook, who knew all the right ingredients to make each dish spectacular – she was in her own rights their families best chef! You see Emilio, well he had other interests, and they didn’t involve cucumbers, broccoli or marrows – he used to play with bananas and pretend they were guns …. and even more recently he had made friends with Alphonse who had even bigger dreams. Alphonse had at one time been a Five Points Gang member and was shrewd, he was also closely associated with the notorious Johnny Torrio. Alphonse himself was a right ‘snorky’, and also used the Frederickshons for his own suits, but he had many made and needed more than one, for his many shades of personality and success. Snorky was the terms for ‘sharp dresser’ and Emilio wanted to be like Alphonse too!
The year was 1923, the location was Chicago and Emilio and Alphonse walked into the Frederickshons Tailors where Gunther upon seeing them, greeting them both, “Emilio, your Papa Fausto said you would be stopping by with your new friend, but l never knew, this was the type of suit you wanted!” Turning to Alphonse, “Mr Capone it is so good to see you again, a new suit is it?”
” Gunther, not at all, l want you to outfit my new boy here, Emilio, tell the man what you want?”
Emilio, smiled a big proud toothy grin and said …..

Part 3 – Kristian’s Addition

“I want to look drop dead gorgeous” Emilio said. He liked the ladies, but so far in his life, they seemed to realise he was a low life scumbag who liked gangs and violence and so stayed well away.

Unfortunately the Magical Tailor, Gunther, was become a trifle deaf. He was coming up to two hundred years old and was way past retirement age. Being slightly deaf, he failed to hear Emilio’s last word. You would have thought that it would have occurred to him that Emilio’s request was rather strange and therefore he must have misheard, but senility was creeping in, so he crafted the suit according to the very request he had heard.

Within a week of wearing it, Emilio had dropped dead.

The consequences of Gunther’s auditory and mental deterioration were even more drastically displayed when poor Tristram Van De Gould went in for a fitting.

He asked for a waistcoat that would make him appear slimmer, what he ended up with was a straightjacket that prevented him from eating at all. He died of an emptystomach.

If you thought things couldn’t get any worse, you were wrong because next……..

 

Part 4 ~ Paula’s Part

The taxicab stopped in front of the shop and a disparate group of Americans piled out. “Hey!” yelled the driver. “Someone needs to pay me!”

“Someone pay the poor guy, for Pete’s sake,” Bernie said. “What’s the matter with you people?” And he walked into the shop, bumping his head on the door. “Owww.”

“I’d love to pay him,” Kamala said, “but I gave all my money to that sweet little girl at the airport who said she was homeless.” She went into the shop too. Amy and Beto and Liz ran after her. “Wait for us!” they shouted.

Joe rolled his eyes. “Geez, I’ll pay him. I always get stuck with the check when I go out with those guys,” he said to the cabbie. “It’s just the weirdest thing!”

“I sympathize, buddy,” the cabbie said. “My in-laws are exactly the same. Have fun shopping.”

Trailing after the others into the shop, Joe found them already arguing with the suit maker, who was nearly deaf, apparently. Everyone was yelling. “CALM DOWN!” Joe shouted.

“I was here first,” Bernie insisted. “I should get to order my suit first.”

“Fine.” Amy plopped down in a chair. “I’ll just sit here and have some of their free juice. Can I drink it out of one of these shoes, Gunther?”

The ancient tailor heard his name and turned in her direction. “Ehh, no one here named Sue, honey. We have a Lucy, but she’s off today.”

“‘Scuse me!” Beto said. “But we don’t call women honey anymore. I got in trouble for making some jokes earlier, so now I intend to be an annoying sourpuss wherever I go. I think my suit should reflect my new personality of a serious man who has meditated deeply upon–”

Bernie waggled a finger in his face. “MY TURN MY TURN MY TURN!”

“Ahem,” Kamala said. “This is a perfect example of why we need a woman in charge. Men just feel so entitled to everything. It’s definitely time for women to show how things can be done in a more orderly and peaceful manner.”

“You hussy!” Liz cried. “You winked at my husband at the rally last month.”

“What are you talking about?” Kamala said. “Have you gone off the reservation again?”

“LOL!” Amy laughed, coughing on her shoe juice.

Beto tried so hard not to laugh he waved his arms around madly and knocked over a rack of ties. Joe picked them all up.

Liz showed Kamala a video on her phone. “See? There you are winking at my sweetie.”

“I was crying,” Kamala told her. “I have hay fever. I had to take a Benadryl.”

Gunther hobbled over and said, “Alrighty then, dearies. Who’s next? I’ve measured the men.”

Kamala went next. Liz said to Amy, “I don’t even know why we’re here. It seems so silly, but I didn’t want to be at a disadvantage when you all said you were getting these special suits made.”

“I know, right?” Amy shrugged. “They’re supposed to be magical, or something.”

“Hillary had a suit made here,” Joe said. “But then she didn’t wear it. I’m not sure why. I’d ask her, but she won’t talk to me anymore. Who can even understand women, am I right?”

They just glared at him. “Oopsy,” Beto said. “Uncle Joe needs to go for retraining. Perhaps some yoga.”

“What?” Joe looked around, bewildered. “What did I do?”

“This shop needs to unionize,” Bernie announced. “Who’s with me on that?”

Liz frowned. “I don’t see any employees, Bern. Plus, it’s another country. They don’t need your help.”

“Everyone needs my help!” Bernie waggled his finger at her.

Gunther finished up with Liz and Kamala, and now all six Americans had been measured and fitted for their custom suits. They had told Gunther exactly what their hopes were for the coming year and he would take that into account when designing their apparel. He tallied up the final bill and brought it back out to the front.

“All the suits should be ready in three weeks,” he said to the group. “I can have them air mailed for an additional fee, since I know everyone has to zip back across the pond to his and her busy lives. Now did you want separate cheques?”

Everyone looked at Joe. He sighed and took out his Amex. “No, I’ll put it on my card for the travel points. We’ll settle up later.”

“Thanks, Joe!” everyone said. “You’re the best! We’ll PayPal you!”

The suits did arrive three weeks later, as promised. But…

 

And here I pass the story on to….

Fandango, of course!

Rules–
Copy the story below as it appears when you receive it (and the rules please)
Add somehow to the story in which ever style and length you choose
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If you choose to not participate or finish the story, please comment/tag this post so that I know.

The Struggle Is Real (Green)!

Some friends and I decided to hang out Sunday, so naturally I had to buy some festive apparel. I know, you’re thinking… Paula, don’t you already have St. Patrick’s Day themed stuff from prior years? Well, not really! I have a hat, I guess, but that’s about it. I wore my greenish shirt on Friday to work, and it’s not that festive besides. I have a lime green sweater, but March 17th isn’t really about lime green, now is it? I used to have shamrock socks, but they got all holey. 😢

So, Friday night I went onto the Target app, like you do, to commence shopping. There wasn’t anything I liked much in my local store, so I moseyed on over to Huntington Beach. Eh, a couple shirts were okay, and there were some cute socks and earrings. Then I had a brainstorm to try the men’s department. Well! The guys had adorable shirts! Beautiful green ones with the Lucky Charms logo (we just got plain white), and OMG a kitty shirt, black and white, with a widdle green hat!!! Obviously, I had to get the kitty shirt. Why wouldn’t they make it for women/juniors? Who even can figure out the logic to these things? 🙄

I ordered the shirt, socks, and earrings, paid for all that, and planned to pick them up the next morning. I was very happy… for about 5 minutes until I received an email saying those items were no longer available in Huntington Beach. Or Costa Mesa. WHAT? I began searching the whole area on the handy-dandy app. They said I could buy all the same things in Irvine on Barranca. FINE. I was very happy again… for like 5 minutes. Then they said I could only have the shirt. No earrings, no socks. Wtfff? What about the Target in Irvine Spectrum? NO. Westminster Mall. NO NO NO! You can’t have any festive socks or earrings. Get over it. 😡

Ooh, I was so mad. This wasn’t the end of it though. I stayed up late, all energized by my fury. First thing Saturday morning I went right over to the Barranca Target and got my shirt ~ there was a minor drama however because they couldn’t find it at Guest Services and I was about to have a heart attack, but then they did, so I was okay. I went to Peet’s after that for coffee and a PB cookie (yummo). The reason Target was out of green things is because they took them away to make room for Easter things. I stopped at CVS, which sometimes has fun socks, but they too were all Easterized before St. Patrick’s Day. Kohl’s had one little sad display of green dishtowels. ANNOY! 🔥

But then… then I went to Party City. And guess what? They had tons of St. Patrick’s Day stuff still on the shelves Because… because PEOPLE WANT TO BUY IT! And unlike Target, CVS, and Kohl’s, Party City likes to make money from people who want to buy things! What a unique and interesting concept! Stores keeping things in stock that people want to buy. Huh. Who would have thought? Capitalism at its finest, folks, right here in Huntington Beach. Or over there rather. Up there? Idk. Directions confuse me. WHATEVER! I bought green things, which is the point. Yayyy!!! 🍀💖🍀

Opposites Attract: Challenges 6 & 7

Generally, I find keeping a list (or multiple lists) to be the most efficacious method of accomplishing my goals. I stay focused on the high-priority items near the top, and I experience a nice feeling of satisfaction when an item gets deleted.

If I grocery shop without a list, I end up being very inefficient, buying things I already have and forgetting stuff I need. I’ll usually have to make a second trip a few days later instead of the next week. Same goes for weekend chores and even longer-term things I want to get done. It’s unproductive for me to “wing it.”

However, I feel very discouraged right now. Due to the time change, I ended up taking a nap when I returned from Los Angeles this afternoon, and now my weekend plans are in disarray. Not only didn’t I write as much as I planned to, but I haven’t finished the work I promised someone, nor have I vacuumed! Obviously, I’m going to do the latter two things, but my nerves are a bit frayed thinking of all the uncrossed-out items on my list.

I like to think of myself as a person with a will of steel who does whatever I decide I’m going to do. But… naps happen. 😴

What’s Up With Cookies?

I went to Target tonight to get a head start on the weekend’s chores. I have a lot of things to do and am a bit stressed! Now, I assumed that everyone else would be out having fun on a Friday night and I could shop in peace. Wrong! The store was full of shoppers in my way. Annoying.

As I was crossing stuff off my list, I checked the cookie aisle for Game of Thrones Oreos. I read that they’re coming out with a special version for the final season and I want some. Didn’t find any. But! What the heck? There are like 18,000 kinds of Oreos now! When did this happen???

Previously I’ve blogged about trying some alternate Oreos, especially cookie dough which were delicious, but this is just crazy.

Not only that though. I found something else. Something absolutely wackadoo. You will not believe this! I wouldn’t either, so I had to take another photo and practically shove people out of my way. Yes, I am taking pictures of the cookies and what is your problem, buddy???

WHAT HAVE THE KEEBLER ELVES DONE TO MY DAD’S STRIPEY COOKIES!?!?

I’ve previously blogged about stripey cookies too. Normal ones… you know, golden cookie-flavored cookies with fudge backs and stripes. But now they have all fudgey ones and these white ones? Whaaa? They look like those crayon things we did in school that we colored over again. But look!!! They have unicorn ones! Now, I die.

I really wanted to buy some unicorn stripey cookies. But I didn’t. Why not? Idk. I guess I just felt too silly. They weren’t on my list. It was all so disorienting.

I might go back again soon though.

For the unicorn 🦄 cookies!

Celery [SOCS]

Celery contained magical anti-calories, people thought. If you chomped on these stalks, the energy you expended chewing and digesting them would exceed the number of calories in the celery itself. So, all you had to do is eat celery all day and soon you would be celebrating your new trim and fit figure!

But of course if you kept eating pizza and nachos and milkshakes and candy bars with your stalks, the celery diet didn’t work, and you did not end up looking like your favorite celebrity, unless that celeb was President Taft. 😳

Many crazy diets have come and gone since I read about the magic of celery as a teen. Some girls in my high school went on the 3-3-3 diet: 3 bananas, 3 hot dogs, 3 carrots every day. Very phallic. Why doesn’t my phone know phallic? I must not be writing about enough dicks; I blame my DEXIT.

People have jumped on this keto thing, but we all did the Atkins’ fad way back when. It’s nothing new. We’d order bacon double cheeseburgers and throw away the buns, hon. Sure, you’d lose weight because meat is satisfying and pasta is not, ounce for ounce. Sorry, vegetarians. Also, how much cheese can you eat without barfing? 🤮That is rhetorical.

Then came the 1980s when people decided fat was bad and carbs were good. They threw away their butter and chowed down on bagels the size of dinner plates. Why are we getting so fat, they moaned over their vats of spaghetti.

In the 1990s, I watched other moms load up their kids with constant snacks and juices. I tried not to do that; I had my own ideas about nutrition. But kids grow up and have to make their own choices eventually. I did not like to be Dictator Mom, about food or any other thing, except education, and that philosophy worked out well imo.

One of the things now is to shun prepared foods. Oh, that’s the new boogeyman! 🙄 It’s not that we’ve all been stuffing our faces with way too much food for way too long… it’s that we’re not tra-la-la-ing for hours through farmers’ markets every Saturday for fresh produce, and then spending the rest of the weekend cooking from scratch. The heck with writing books or having hobbies! We’re fat because we haven’t been slaving over a hot stove.

Bullshit. I call BS on all ideas of overweight except one: too many calories nommed up. I don’t care if they come from salad or salami or pasta or papayas. Too many in over time leads to fat layers on our bodies. There’s no magic cure except to eat fewer calories over time.

Personally, I love packaged and prepared foods. For single people who don’t want to buy wastefully in bulk, and who don’t want to spend their free time cooking, they are fabulous. But so is celery ~ and it comes in a package too.

One-Liner Wednesday

I know, right? But in honor of Valentine’s Day upcoming, I’m going to post barfy love quotes all month for One-Liner Wednesday. This is despite the fact that I do not have a Valentine nor do I expect to have one ever again.

But! That’s the beauty of serendipity ~ the unexpected. That’s why we love romcoms and romance novels (those of us who do). While we as readers know that the protags will meet, have major problems, overcome them, and live happily ever after ~ they don’t know that. This is what makes the stories interesting and why we identify with the heroines. We’ve been there. We know how it feels to be struck with Cupid’s arrow and feel bewildered. Why him? Why now? This wasn’t supposed to happen!

I just received a book in the mail I ordered from Amazon titled Not the Duke’s Darling by Elizabeth Hoyt. While I love her books and romances featuring dukes, I can’t recall why I bought this. I have a zillion books to read already! I guess I should view this as simply another instance of serendipity. 😂