FPQ111: Gender Benders

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you believe that a person’s gender is inextricably tied to his or her sex at birth, or do you believe that a person can legitimately identify as a gender different from his or her birth gender? Why do you believe what you believe?

Gender and sex are two different things… and they can be separated. There are definitely folks who don’t want to (or can’t) fit the stereotypical gender traits we associate with their sex. I don’t know why this is such a BFD as it’s a thing that has been around forever. We’re much too obsessed with other people’s genitals and what they do with them.

But that’s not really what we’re talking about lately, is it? We’re talking about mostly MEN who want to identify as women and insist on the rest of us doing a whole bunch of annoying things to accommodate that. Once again, men are being belligerent bullies, which seems to be what they do best. I don’t give a crap if some dude wants to present as a woman, either a gay woman or a straight woman or whatever else, and live his life accordingly. Why should I care? But I don’t want to have to think about it either or worry I’m using the wrong pronoun. Neither do I want to think about racism all the time or any other thing shoveled at me 24/7 by the media. Leave me alone to float in my bubble!

I used to have a small worry that straight/cis men might take advantage of this whole trans concept and dress as women to do shenanigans, but that worry pales in comparison to my overriding belief that consenting adults should do what they please, with the usual caveats about harm, kids, etc. Besides, straight/cis men will find ways to do shenanigans regardless. 🙄

I’m not sure why the word “legitimately” was included. My philosophy is of the “do what you will” variety. If that means some will identify as a different gender than the one stereotypically associated with their assigned sex, idgaf. It’s as “legitimate” as anything else people do. Did you know that some people identify as witches, empaths, shamans, T* supporters, etc.? It’s a crazy world…

PS: I hear the arguments about sports, and you know what? Sports are dumb, so idgaf how they’re impacted by anything. If this causes them to disappear, great!

PPS: all hatey comments will be deleted. Go rant on your own blog.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Water Off A Duck

Melanie has more questions! These are a la Dr. Tanya, who is taking a moving hiatus, but they aren’t Tanya’s questions. Melanie is simply nodding to the blogging about bloggers’ blogs theme that Tanya is famous for. Hope that’s clear…

How thick a skin do you need to be a blogger?

That depends on your goals. If you want to post about politics, sex, and/or religion (“PSR“), you’d better have a thick skin. There aren’t too many people who will take umbrage at cat photos or a discussion of romcoms, but if you announce that you’re an atheist, you’d best be prepared for all sorts of randos popping up to say you’re going to hell. People search on the PSR topics for the sole purpose of trolling; if you can’t shrug off criticism, avoid those subjects.

Personally, criticism from strangers rolls off me like water from a duck, but I no longer want to deal with it. I’ve been in flame forums, and my old blog tackled edgy topics, but I got tired of dealing with all that. It’s a big bore and I’d rather my blog interactions remain friendly.

“Bonus question”  How important is being understood?  (There are one or two bloggers here who put a great deal of time and effort into crafting their blog posts and I’ve heard them express dismay (disappointment) when people don’t necessarily “get” what they mean.  Also, if people don’t ‘say’ (comment) a lot about a particular post they’ve worked hard on.)

As I’ve said a zillion times, I don’t care about stats, number of likes, comments, etc., which is why I unlinked my blog from FB and Twitter. I care about my little blogging community though, and it’s nice to be understood by this group, which I generally am. I write clearly and keep my posts on the shorter side so people won’t feel that reading me is a chore.

It’s also important to break text up into smaller paragraphs, since many people are reading blogs on their phones.

If I’m misunderstood by one reader out of several, I’ll assume it’s the reader’s fault. But if I’m misunderstood by a few, I will take the blame for being unclear. That’s happened in the past when I jabbered on about dating sites. But have I mentioned in the last 5 minutes that I’m done with all that dating nonsense now? 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ110: Ace

Fandango provocatively asks…

How’s your sex life?

At first, I wasn’t going to answer because the answer is non-existent and Mr. F said he wanted more details (nosy!). Then I thought, OK, I can revert to form and go into a rant about dating, etc. But that’s so boring, not to mention depressing. Plus, almost 4 years have passed since my last date, and longer since my last sexual relationship, so it’s no longer relevant.

I consider myself asexual. I’ve lost interest in it all, and, more importantly, I’ve lost interest in trying to be interested. There was a time when I thought I should keep searching for Mr. Right (now) because, um, why? I don’t even remember why it was ever important to me. Probably a self-esteem thing, like it helped me feel good about myself when some random idiot found me sexy. Seems so stupid now.

The more time passes, the less interested I am. Maybe it is a “use it or lose it” thing, idk. It’s also age, hormones, and not feeling good physically. Well, the last two are still age-related, so maybe it’s just… I’m old! Now, before people start in, I understand that folks way older than 60 still have vibrant sex lives. That’s great! But I’m not them.

For me, the idea of sex was connected to love and foreverness. I disliked the casual way many men approached romance, and it was completely unappealing to simply engage in the physical act without any emotional connection and the possibility of a long-term relationship happening. I’ve done it, just to see, and it made me feel bad afterwards.

I consider my loss of desire a blessing, tbh. Since I’ve given up the idea of finding someone, I’ve been much less stressed. I no longer have to worry about being attractive to whatever man stumbles onto my dating profile, nor do I have to live in fear of one of them stalking me in anger after I reject him (this has happened, and more than once). I have accepted that I’m not good at finding or maintaining a romantic relationship, and that’s that. It’s a big relief to be done with it all.

Sorry I didn’t have much to say about this topic. 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

To Boldly Share…

Melanie starts the second week of February with a new set of Q’s…

Do you feel you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

It depends on your definition of “ask.” I look stuff up online all the time and like to have multiple legit sources for important things. I’ll ask questions at work in order to get my tasks done properly. And I love to jibber jabber with my daughters and SILs. But I am not a huge fan of random opinions on stuff that matters to me and I really don’t understand this bizarre thing some people do of throwing medical questions onto FB. I mean, wut? Are you really going to follow the advice of some rando? I guess I’m lucky because I have real doctors as friends…

When did you fail to speak up when you feel you should have?

Omg, a lot, I’m sorry to admit. I try to avoid confrontation and so I’ve kept silent at bad “jokes” and during other tense times, and this unfortunately includes sexual types of situations where I ended up doing things I didn’t want to. Add to file: the millions of reasons Paula has given up dating.

When was the last time you felt lucky?

Yesterday! I saw some family, finally! 💖🍀

What is a boulder?

How Brits spell bolder? 🤣

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Love Is In The Air

Rory has some great relationship questions for us today. I am going to respond to them for myself, not as advice. My experiences have informed my attitude toward this topic, so my answers will be unique to me. What works and doesn’t work for me probably has no bearing on anyone else’s situation. 😻

1. Do you think that ‘background checks’ should be more commonplace between couples who are dating and or those looking to marry or live with each other?

In my case, I would be extremely hesitant to proceed in any meaningful way with a man I didn’t know much about. I’m talking beyond finances into the realm of his relationships with other people ~ family, friends, coworkers. Is he negative toward a lot of these folks, blaming them for his lack of whatever? Major red flag! 🚩

2. Do you think love alone is enough to see people through everything?

Not if we’re defining love by fabulous sex, which I think is the major component of how many define it. If I don’t feel a strong sense of mutual respect, loyalty, and shared life goals with someone, “love” is definitely not enough.

3. What are your views on people getting married/living together too young – are you in total favour of that or not?

I have no opinion on what others do, as long as they are consenting adults. It might work out longterm for two 19 year olds, or not, same as two 39 year olds. Depends entirely on the people and their situation. I first lived with a guy at age 24 and that didn’t end well.

4. What do you think about people not getting to know their partners well enough – is it something that should be looked at more closely whilst you live apart or something that can be worked on when you are under the same roof together?

See my first answer wrt myself. I don’t want to find out that someone has a prison record on our honeymoon, but if you prefer mystery, go for it!

5. What are your views on couples who are teenage sweethearts and simply wish to get married and yet they have never sampled anything else of life, they have never had other partners and the list goes on … but they are willing to sacrifice their life for living with one person only believing they are the right person for them?

It’s fine. “Sampling” is overrated and is a euphemism for having sex with a lot of other people. In my case, I would do it all differently, if I could go back, so I certainly am not going to tell others they should sleep around! 😜

6. Finally, which is the best love ? The one we think is right or the the love that finds you by chance or the love we source out with intention?

The best love is the one who makes me feel loved and loving, is supportive and loyal (and I am too), and with whom I share life goals. We could meet via chance or intention… what difference does it make ultimately how it began as long as it ends with the right person by my side? 😍

That said, I have no hope of romantic love happening for me, which is a GOOD THING because hope has led me only to sadness and disappointment.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Strangers in the Night

“Strangers in the Night” was a No. 1 single from Frank Sinatra’s 1966 album of the same name. He won two Grammy Awards for this album, plus another Grammy for album of the year. The song itself has been certified platinum. The lyrics were written by Charles Singleton and Eddie Snyder. It has been covered many times.

This song is about people falling in love at first sight. Whether or not you believe this happens in real life, it certainly has inspired many songs, poems, books, and movies. I thought it happened to me in 2016, but I was wrong. After I got to know the man better, he turned out to be a manipulative jerk. But the idea remains alive, tantalizing and romantic. It’s much more exciting to imagine falling for someone immediately like Jesse and Marie did in When Harry Met Sally than taking a decade to figure out someone is right for you, which is the story of the title characters.

Strangers in the night, exchanging glances, wondering in the night, what were the chances, we’d be sharing love before the night was through…

Many times, the initial attraction simply leads to another one night stand. There have been a zillion words written about this too. Yet, it can be difficult to completely give up hope that the next one will work out, just like in this song.

And ever since that night, we’ve been together, lovers at first sight, in love forever. It turned out so right, for strangers in the night…

~*~

Written for MMM Challenge #173.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Bloggerz 5

Rory’s done it again, peeps ~ given us 12 wacky questions, that is! Please note that my title reflects only how many “12 Bloggerz” I have participated in, not how many exist. 😜

1. When not specifically following ‘set’ directions everyone has a favourited direction they prefer to walk in – which is yours left or right and why do you think you always want to go that direction first?

Right. Because I’m right. Also, I’m right-handed. In Australia, I’d likely go left… and probably be bitten by some nasty venomous creature. 🐍

2. What’s the creepiest thing that has ever happened to you – irrelevant to your personal beliefs – just something that creeped you out – and yet you simply couldn’t explain it?

All this grey hair and cellulite lately… what is happening omg?!

3. Who are your top five actors/actresses and what is special about them to you?

Robert DeNiro, Meryl Streep, Al Pacino, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock. They’re great, that’s why.

4. Which prompts do you participate in weekly with your blog – please list?

I host the Monday Peeve and Thursday Inspo. I almost always participate in Jim Adams’ Song Lyric Sunday, Melanie’s Share Your World, Fandango’s Provocative Question, and Linda’s SOC Saturday. Other prompts I do as time and mood permit.

5. Have you taken the 16 Personalities Test and if so – what Personality Type are you and how accurate is it to you?
Free Personality Test

I just took it, not realizing it was a Meyers-Brigg thing. Again, I confirmed I’m an INFJ. Supposedly, this is the rarest type ~ the Advocate. Some of the description fits me and some doesn’t. I am introverted and passionate and picky, but I have no interest in any of the “helping” careers. They have way too much contact with people.

6. Are you easily embarrassed – when was the last time for you?

Yes. Too embarrassed to say…

7. Has anything shocked you in the last 6 weeks to the point where you have gasped out aloud – if so what was it and if not, then when was the last time you were terribly shocked by something?

Yes, last week at my daughter’s. We thought we saw a giant bug on her wall, but it was just two spiders tangled up. 🕷🕷

8. If you have one what is your signature dish and if you don’t have one what would you love to be able to cook wonderfully well?

I like to make layered bean dip for parties.

9. Strangest or wildest place you ever had the most amazing sex in or on maybe, even around …….?

My imagination…

10. Why is it healthy to flirt with people you have no intention of doing the naughty with and how often do you flirt with people you know or even don’t know?

Because flirting can be creative and fun. I don’t do much of it these days though.

11. Can you list 9 things that you can ride in, on or with?

Car, train, bus, trolley, scooter, surfboard, horse, camel, elephant. 🐘

12. Are you on Santa’s Naughty or Good list and if you are – what have you asked for from either?

Good List. I would like socks, thank you!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Competition [dating story]

It was a contest like no other.

I met him online, of course, on one of the many dating sites. Match? POF? OKC? I don’t remember. You know what’s funny ~ dating site snobbery. People will go on about how one site is so much “better” than the others, maybe because they paid. When we spend money on a thing, we don’t want to believe we’ve thrown our money away. People swear that eHarmony is superior to POF, but you know what? I encountered the same jerks in both places. And they all had OKC accounts too. Whatever, right? Let’s call this guy Bill.

Bill seemed great in chat. He was “honest” and told me he’d been chatting with a lot of women. Okay. He did have the time ~ he didn’t work and was a part-time SAHD to three toddlers. His ex-wife had to pay him because she made gobs of money. There’s a twist. Soon Bill confessed he’d recently been talking to only me and one other woman, Betty. He said that he really liked me, but he really liked Betty too. She lived in Mexico City though, which made it harder to meet for coffee. I agreed to meet for coffee.

We had a nice time over coffee and convo. Bill told me that he thought it would be a neat idea to set up a competition between Betty and me, so he could see which one of us was best for him. Betty had agreed to fly up from Mexico City to stay with Bill for a few days. After the visit, Bill would decide between us. He encouraged me to chat with him while Betty visited, since he enjoyed our texting so much. I do give good text. 🙂

The contest amused and intrigued me. There was Betty, visiting Bill at his place, sleeping with him, no doubt; and here I was trying to be witty and smart to win Bill intellectually. Needless to say, the physical visit beat my words on a screen. Shocking! Bill told me right away that Betty had won the contest because he didn’t want to lead me on.

Mark Manson has a rule for a potential romantic relationship ~ if you can’t say “hell yes” to them immediately, and get a “hell yes” immediately in return, then the answer automagically becomes “hell no.” Agreeing to be part of a contest because someone can’t decide between two women would fall into the “hell no” category. When you encounter a mutual “hell yes,” it will be apparent right away. I realize there are exceptions, but it’s a good rule regardless.

Though I’ve quit dating, I was inspired to share this tale for MLM’s writing prompt. Thank you in advance for refraining from giving me advice! Feel free however to discuss your own experience in comments.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ92: Anonymously Yours

Fandango provocatively asks…

“Do you blog anonymously? Why or why not?”

I do not blog anonymously, though I understand why people do, and sometimes I wish I had. My name is slightly altered from my “real” one, but I can be found and I use my actual face photos to make that process even easier. 🤣

Why am I not anonymous? Well, it’s mainly because I began writing online 20+ years ago with this name and I want to refer to my published work, mostly self-published, but even so. I also write as Anna Fondant, which I’ve made no secret of either. Supposedly, it’s best to have one name per genre, and Anna focuses on romance and erotica. I have a third name for a completely different style of writing, but I unpublished that novel. I intend to edit it and make a trilogy of it… someday! It’s sort of science fiction erotica, or it appears to be sci-fi, but maybe it isn’t.

I try not to identify real people in my blog or otherwise unless I have their permission. My “dating stories” have many details obscured, though one guy recognized himself, which turned out to be fun. Once, I ranted about someone (without naming her), and she read it and bitched, so I took down the post. I’ve been more careful since then. I don’t post pics of others until I receive their OK, or if they’re in the public domain, such as Pexels or Pixabay. I also avoid discussing my work, family, or friends in any great detail. In that way, I’m discreet, if not anonymous. I cringe every time I see a “mommy blogger” post embarrassing stories or pics of her kids. One day, they will google themselves…

If I’d been anonymous from the start, I could have used blogging as a great catharsis for my thoughts on relationships, marriage, sex, work, politics, religion, etc. But I didn’t and I don’t. When I say anything on those topics, I’m very careful, sticking to bland stuff like “Vote Blue!” My Twitter is connected here (you have to go to the main blog to see it), but even there I retweet only mainstream Democratic stuff. You may think you know a lot about me because I’ve posted so very very many words, but you actually do not. Even those who were “privileged” to read my private blogs years ago know only a sliver more.

There was a time when I was extremely depressed because I thought I’d never meet a “soul mate” I could be 100% myself with, and vice versa, but I’m over it. Pretty much. I remember those few times though when I thought I had someone like this, or someone was a potential “this,” and it was ecstatically life-altering. Then came the crash. I’ve now accepted that it’s not going to happen, and hoping for it makes me feel worse, so I have to continue to censor myself with everyone everywhere, in various ways.

Cue sad whiny music… 🎶

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

SLS ~ No!

Jim Adams gave us yes and no this week, and naturally I gravitated to the negative. I was tempted to go with Ringo’s no-no song or perhaps “A Horse With No Name,” but I’m really trying to pick songs no one else thinks of. We’ll see if I’m successful this time with my choice of “Keep Your Hands To Yourself” by The Georgia Satellites. “No huggy, no kissy, until I get a weddin’ ring!”

KYHTY was written by the group’s lead singer Dan Baird in 1986 as their debut single. It reached #2 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in 1987, locked out of the #1 spot by Bon Jovi’s “Livin’ On A Prayer.” The Georgia Satellites never had another Top 40 hit and Baird left for a solo career, later joined by a couple other ex Satellites. Both groups are still strumming along.

Keep Your Hands To Yourself

I got a little change in my pocket goin’ jing-a-ling-a-ling
Wants to call you on the telephone baby, a-give you a ring
But each time we talk, I get the same old thing
Always no hug-ee no kiss-ee until I get a weddin’ ring
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourselfB-B-B-baby baby baby why you wan’ treat me this way
You know I’m still your lover boy I still feel the same way
That’s when she told me a story, ’bout free milk and a cow
And said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until I get a weddin’ vow
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourselfHold it here
See I wanted her real bad, and I was about to give in
But that’s when she started talking about true love,
Started talking about sin
And I said, honey I’ll live with you for the rest of my life,
She said no hug-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife-a
My honey my baby, don’t put my love upon no shelf
She said don’t hand me no lines and keep your hands to yourself

You’ll need to watch this video until the end! And don’t forget to vote Blue! 🌎💦🐬🦋🧢

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.