Tag Archives: psychology

The Monday Peeve 19

Monday Peeve cat

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the #TMP tag, and link back to me (or not ~ I dgaf), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen! I have feelings!

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Last Monday I peeved: “Stop fawning over celebrities. It’s gross.” That was related to how people drool over pics of older celeb women and “compliment” them by saying they don’t look their age. Today I have a similar but different peeve: the continual obsession with Meghan Markle, especially with the negative conservative spin. Note: I’ve updated this post a few times since I first wrote and scheduled it last week. New info keeps coming in on this hot topic… you’d think it was more important than a war or something! 🙄

My first peeve is… why the hell do any Americans, but in particular righties, give a crap about the doings of the British Royals? Yes, MM is American by birth, but who cares? She got married in England and now lives in Canada. Yet, conservatives here are outraged that she gets any money from the Crown or whatever when she isn’t having tea with the Queen. Who gives a shit? Let them sort it out, or not.

Second, it’s clearly racist, especially for those who also carried on about Michelle Obama’s fashion choices and Barack’s golf games while staying silent re Melania’s clothing and Donald’s golfing. There have been side by side comparisons of the negative press MM received for doing the exact same things as the revered Kate Middleton (cradling their baby bumps, forex), and there is no other explanation except the difference in skin tone.

Third, there’s this whole awful underlying gaslighting thing going on and it makes me sick. On the one hand, MM is called a scheming gold-digger who plotted to nab a prince so she could live a life of lazy luxury. But when it turns out that she actually wants to work, not sit around doing boring teas, she’s lambasted for that and called a scheming hussy who only wants to trade in on her “brand.” No matter what she does, the haters will hate her, just as they hated Barack, Michelle, and their children, simply because she is not white.

It’s disgusting.

Note: the Royals and H&M have sorted things out. H&M will no longer do Royal things or be referred to as Highnesses. And they have to repay the cost of renovating Frogmore Cottage, where they live when in England. So, Fox News readers should be satisfied, right? Wrong! You can never satisfy haters. They are too deeply invested in their obsession.

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

SLS ~ Harry

Song Lyric Sunday

Jim has a fun challenge for today: choose a song by a Tom, Dick, or Harry. Lots to pick from, but I went with Harry Nilsson and “Without You.” Pete Ham and Tom Evans of Badfinger were the writers, and Badfinger first recorded the song in 1970. Nilsson recorded it in 1971.

Without You

No, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
No, I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrows
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can’t live, if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give any more
Can’t live, if living is without you
I can’t give, I can’t give any more
Well, I can’t forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that’s just the way the story goes
You always smile but in your eyes your sorrow shows
Yes, it shows
Can’t live, if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore
I can’t live, if living is without you
I can’t live, I can’t give anymore
(Living is without you)

~*~

Image credit to Jim Adams.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

5 Things (That I Like About Me)

5 kittens

Sadje shared a nice meme from Cyranny: #5Things she likes about herself. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, especially now at the beginning of a new year when we want to start fresh and accomplish so much, but it’s important to be good to ourselves too. Don’t worry, there are lots of other people ready and willing to tear us down. If you don’t believe me, try going on a dating site.

Here are #5Things I like about me (YMMV):

1. That I’ve quit smashing my head into a brick wall–I mean dating. I’ve quit dating! This has decreased the drama level in my life to practically zero, which makes me happy. I am not an adrenaline addict. 🌹

2. That I’m resilient. Sometimes I get really down and think there’s no way out from a depressing spiral of whatever nature, but I’m eventually always okay and I adapt to changes. 👍🏻

3. That I enjoy my own company. This gives me the freedom to stay home often and work or write or read without feeling lonely and sad, and that in turn allows me to accomplish more goals. 🐱

4. That I’m open minded to new info. This is something everyone says, but few actually are, in my experience. I’ve changed my mind about many issues, or modified my positions, and will continue to do so until I die. That’s called learning and growth. ✨

5. That I never jeopardized my job for a man. Thank God, some molecule of sense kept me from doing that back when I was tempted by this idiot or that one. They’re all gone, and the job abides. 💖

This was a great exercise! Really made me think, instead of rattling off silliness. I hope Sadje continues the #5Things prompt with other topics. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ56: Drive Me Crazy

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks…

What’s something you consider to be terrifying that you have come to accept as a fact of life?

It’s probably not going to surprise anyone who knows me when I say driving. This is not an irrational fear. Let’s begin with some data.

The U.S. leads the way (rah!) on traffic fatalities. We have 12.4 per 100,000 population, about 50% higher than other Western nations. (source) Check that link for some reasons why.

Daily, I see people running red lights. Not once in a while… daily. I never see a cop chase after them, not once. Red light cameras have mostly been taken away due to cost and also there was concern they were causing more accidents (like the way Trump “caused” the Iranians to shoot down their own plane).

People speed and change lanes unsafely because… well, it’s all about them. They assume everyone else is paying close attention to the road. And whatever they have to do is more important than being safe. If they’re late, well, now that becomes our problem. God forbid people learn to leave enough time for appointments.

They tailgate because they are late and they are frustrated. Driving unsafely makes them feel better, I guess. Or they’re just not paying attention because they’re texting, chatting, eating, daydreaming, whatever. Or their judgment is impaired from drugs or stupidity or lack of sleep. Then there are the drivers who are armed, ready to shoot you over who knows what…

So, I “share” the roads with these maniacs and idiots and rage-filled criminals and hope every day not to die or get mangled in a car wreck. In 2018, about 40,000 people died in vehicle crashes ~ forty thousand (source) ~ not to mention all the injuries.

It’s weird how we’re supposed to be scared of molesters hiding behind trees in the park and bad dudes sneaking across the border to steal our lunches, but me… I’m terrified of driving, and yet I accept it as a fact of life here in Southern California. If you live in an area with great public transportation and don’t have to drive, consider yourself lucky!🍀

~*~

Image from Fandango himself.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Ten Year Report

Di of Pensitivity101 tagged me for this introspective challenge. I’ll begin with the high points of the past 10 years, followed by the low, and then answer her questions. I’m not going to tag anyone else. 🙂

High Points 2010 – 2020

In 2011, my sweet kitty Gatsby came into my life via the Orange County Animal Shelter. 😻❤️

My daughters both graduated from college (and did extremely well too), one in 2012 and one in 2015.

They also both got married to awesome guys (2017, 2019)! 💖💖

In 2018, a wonderful little granddaughter arrived! 😍✨🤩

I have published many books during these 10 years, and while they may not fly off the shelves, the fact that I have actual finished novels and other books out there gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

Low Points 2010 – 2020

My divorce was final in 2011, and while this was a necessary step, it’s still sad.

The relationship I had through my 2-year divorce process ended badly in 2011.

The entire 5-year dating debacle that followed was a depressing, and at times frightening, mess and continues to have repercussions to this day.

My dad passed in 2013 (my mom in 2008).

My cat Cocoa died in 2010 or 2011… my memory is a bit fuzzy right now. 😢

Di’s Questions

Is there any year in the past decade that stands out as the best?

-This last one (2019) ended up on a positive note because I moved into a new place with a good friend and got away from my old rundown apartment. I also spent quite a bit of time with family and friends and began writing a fun story. 🙂

Has your taste in music changed in the past ten years or do you think music in general has changed?

-I don’t listen to much new music, but in the last several years I’ve found myself liking more country and folk songs. Hard rock is a bit of a bore sometimes lately.

Are you heavier or lighter than you were ten years ago?

-I’m about the same, up maybe 2-3 pounds. But in the middle of these 10 years I was much lighter ~ I got sick from sushi (will never have it again) and could hardly eat for a month. Then a certain relationship stressed me out so much, anxiety kept my appetite away. I was 10 pounds lighter than today and so right now I feel “fat” because I liked the way I looked then. I’m hoping to get back there, but via exercise and good habits. 😇

How many cars have you owned in the past decade?

-Two.

Fun prompt! 🥳

~*~

Image snagged from Rory!

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

On Our Way [socs]

Stream of consciousness Saturday

On our wayto better days. That’s what we say, pumped up with our New Year’s Goals. Like many others, I’ve vowed to get in better shape… and the parking lot at the gym is crowded now. Yes, I drive to the gym, even though it’s in my condo complex, since management can’t seem to program my electronic key to get me through the last walk-thru gate. It’s like the opening sequence to Get Smart, if you’re old enough to remember that show. But whenever I ask about the key, the person who needs to deal with it has just left for the day. 🙄

I’m trying to avoid getting raging angry about so many things (another resolution). So what if I can’t walk through to the gym? It’s not the worst thing in the world. Now, the gate closest to my apartment has quit working from the outside… that’s okay, right? They’ll fix it eventually and it’s fine to take the long way around to a different gate. More exercise! Plus, it’s not like I do everything perfectly myself… I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life too. As long as one gate works, and I can get home… like, whatever. 😜

My three words are from the chapter titled “Worth” in Jennifer Weiner’s book Hungry Heart. I don’t know why I purchased this book, except it has a picture of an upscale looking Hostess cupcake on the cover. I don’t think I’ve read any of her novels. I wanted to enjoy this book, because cupcake and also a smart and funny writer writing smartly and humorously about feeling fat and unloved… that’s so unusual! 🙃

But HH is incredibly tedious and dejavuey… like haven’t a million other smart fat girls written smartly and fatly about being smart and fat? Yawnnnn. And I find myself skimming much of Jennifer’s complaining. I loved her trip to Israel though, and how she finally decided to say eff it regarding other people’s opinions when she returned. Yeah! Who cares what people think! 😎

I thought the story would really take off from there, but no, back to yawwnville. An autobiography doesn’t have to be boring; I’ve read interesting ones. But they need to be edited, and saggy sections should be cut. Am I going to abandon it? No, I’ll probably skim the rest, so I can get credit for it on Goodreads. And I remain hopeful that there is something more to it I can enjoy, since I did get totally immersed in the one section. 🤩

Speaking of saggy things, exercise makes you hungry. If you burn up 100 calories on a bike, your brain will say hello time for a vat of pasta. And you can say no brain we are having a sensible scoop of tuna and some yummy crisp veggies. But our brain is sulking and plotting on how to trip us up. It’s not about being a “good” person or a “bad” person; we all come from a long line of people who avoided starving to death when there was very little food. Yay us and our superhero metabolisms. 😜

I see I forgot to finish this post Friday night and schedule it at 4am Saturday because I’ve been obsessed with watching Jeopardy on Netflix this week (not the GOAT thing, but catching up from last year). When I got home at 10, I turned on the TV, forgetting all about blogging. That’s unusual for me, but these are strange times. 😳

Luckily, I woke up earlier than God… and the first thing I thought of was yikes I didn’t post for SOCS! 😱

~*~

Image credit to Shelley Krupa.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ55: PolitICKY!

Fandango’s provocative question

I thought about skipping this FPQ because I don’t like to do politics here, but I hardly ever pass ~ I did once because I couldn’t figure out how to answer honestly without revealing too much personal detail. But anyway, I’m gonna tackle this one. 🥳

Before I start, I will mention that I’m sure people will disagree with my opinion, which is fine… however it is not okay to be nasty to me or other commenters or to troll my comments in general. And any racist, antisemitic, or other hateful comments will be deleted. That is an ongoing policy, btw.

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you feel that Donald Trump was justified in ordering a drone strike that resulted in the assassination of Qasem Soleimani, the commander of Iran’s elite Quds Force, in an airstrike in Baghdad last week?

Do you think Trump’s decision will lead America into a hot war with Iran?

Do you think Trump’s motives are political and self serving?

I will start by saying that I can’t stand Donald Trump. I think he’s a liar and a con man, a buffoon, a narcissist, a racist (or at least panders to them), a misogynist, and an overall jerk who shouldn’t be POTUS. Needless to say, I did not vote for him and would never. However… that does not mean I am incapable of rational thought and must criticize every single thing he does as a Pavlovian reaction. I am not going to list the few things he’s done that I agree with because they are irrelevant to this question, but suffice to say they exist.

Was he justified in taking out Soleimani? I don’t know. You won’t see many, if any, people giving this answer, because social media is crammed full of intel specialists. I confess I am not one. I have read about the supposed reasons why Trump made the decision, and these reasons could be true or they could be lies, or a mishmash of both. We know that our Presidents have lied to us in the past in order to justify military actions… could this be another one of those times? Dunno!

Moving on from that… no American should be mourning Soleimani. He was a terrible man. And he will be replaced with another terrible man. Should we assassinate the next Iranian military leader if we discover a “plot” against us? What about the North Korean dude, Trump’s buddy ~ he’s always threatening us, and he already murdered one of our tourists. There are loads of bad guys… Putin, Assad, Erdogan, et al. Some would say Trump is also a bad guy…

Once assassination is on the table as a legit tool in the box, who knows where it will stop? Since I’m an American, I’m on board with protecting our interests and being tough with anyone who would hurt us. I’m not a martyr; I’m also able to grok other points of view however.

Second question… do I think this will lead us into a hot war? Again, everyone seems to have foreknowledge on this. Liberals think we’re doomed, but they’re always saying this, and eventually they’ll be right. Each of us will die, so at some point we will all be dead. Probably a catastrophic event will occur soon, as they do, like a massive epidemic or an enormous earthquake or an asteroid strike or wev… Perhaps it will be a big war, with Iran or some other player/s. Trump supporters all say this assassination will prevent war cuz now the Iranians are scared of us, or something, even though they aren’t acting scared, given that they just struck our bases in Iraq.

Me, I don’t know if we will end up in a hot war with Iran. I think it’s fine not to know. After all, we’re trying to predict the actions of a deranged demented lunatic regime and also those nutballs in Iran. Trump said he was going to attack 52 sites in Iran, one for each of our embassy hostages, which I thought was rather poetic, if Iran retaliated for Soleimani, but they did and he didn’t. So, now what? Are we done?

Finally, do I believe that Trump’s motives are political and self-serving? 😂😂😂 Well, duh! When aren’t they? Dude’s been running for re-election since the instant he became POTUS. It’s funny how his fans still act like he’s not a Washington insider and will “drain the swamp.” Newsflash for ya: after being POTUS for three years he is the swamp. Welcome to reality, folks.

~*~

Image from Fandango hisownself.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Voices Rant On! [fiction 200]

“Have a seat,” said the doctor. “Would you like a cup of tea?”

No, thanks,” Vera told him. “I’m too upset to sit down. I was just on the train and everyone was so loud.”

“Hmm,” said the doc, stroking his vest. “I wonder if you’ve tried wearing something to block the sound from your ears.

Vera paced back and forth, shaking her head. “Nice notion, but I still hear all the voices, yelling about the state of the nation and the cost of cat food.”

“Very interesting,” the doc murmured. “Myself, I prefer a raven for a pet. They never starve because they go out and hunt rats.”

“That’s insane,” Vera said.

Is not,” said the doc. “You’re the patient, never more.”

“I’m leaving this conversation.” Vera headed for the door. “Cancel my next appointment too. I’d rather save the money!”

“Fine!” The doc stamped her file case closed. “Just remember all those rants you hear are coming from inside your own head, ha ha ha!”

After a few minutes the doctor told his nurse to send in his next patient.

“Very funny, Stan,” said the nurse. “It’s time for your meds then off to beddy bye with you.”

~*~

Written for Rory’s What’s Your Story Then?

Words made from conversation: case, cat, conversation, cost, ears, in, insane, is, nation, nice, no, not, notion, on, rants, rats, raven, save, seat, sit, so, Stan, starve, tea, to, train, Vera, vest, voices.

Image from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Mysterious Me

The lovely Sadje was recently given the Mystery Blogger Award ~ congrats! She in turn passed it on to me. Thank you, Sadje!

I will answer Sadje’s questions, which will ironically strip some of the mystery from my blogginess. 🙃

1. What is your strategy for dealing with stress?

Avoidance mainly. I’m really terrible at and scared of dealing with stressful situations. But if something does happen I try to focus on one thing at a time so I can get through whatever it is without going bonkers.

2. If tomorrow were the last day, what would you do first?

Check in with my children. 💖

3. How would you describe yourself as a color and why?

Turquoise. Sometimes peaceful, sometimes turbulent. Can be dark, deep, depressed. Can also be light, fun, sparkling. Like the waves, I’m moody, calm, crashing, and reliable… and I might have loved the moon once, a long long time ago.

4. Physical beauty or intelligence?

Intelligence.

5. Do you believe that Murphy is trying to mess up our day?

I believe we notice the things that go wrong because they’re so annoying. We take for granted all the things that go right, every person who does their job properly, every piece of technology that operates smoothly. We are barely even grateful for competent folks and our wonderful conveniences. We expect them. But let one jerk slow us up in traffic and an app glitch on our phones and our day is all screwed up… geez everyone is out to get us, aren’t they? RAWR!

Speaking of, please be on the lookout for my Monday Peeve in a few hours! 😻

~*~

Images for public use.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Caramel Crunch: Topic 1, Faraway Love

Caramel has a new prompt, in which she sets up a hypothetical situation and then asks us to discuss what we would do. Here is her first topic…

WHEN IT COMES TO THE CRUNCH – WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

You realize that you have met someone who makes your pulse race, and who you love, admire and respect more than anyone else you have met. The two of you enjoy a romantic friendship and grow closer and closer. Love and trust build. But then…

…he or she goes home. Their visa has expired. They return to their home in a distant country. In their home country, they have responsibilities, they own a property, they have aging parents who need more assistance.

You accept that the person you are in love with had to go home. You miss them and they miss you. You both keep in touch regularly. But you also have family, responsibilities and a world of friends who you love in your home country.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Are you a great romantic? Or are you more practical in your outlook? Does family come before your lovelife? Or when love comes along, do you cling to the person you have fallen in love with?

I have given up “dating” in the sense of deliberately searching for someone suitable nearby because that hasn’t worked out well for me at all, so I could imagine a situation like this developing out of a friendship that inadvertently turned into love. But I’m not good at sadness and longing ~ that would quickly overwhelm my abilities to function at other things, like working and paying bills. So, unless there was some wisp of hope that my soul mate would return, I think I would have to emotionally disengage and taper off the messages with my sweetie. It would be important to protect myself from sinking into depression even if it meant cutting off communication with him, or at least a lot of it, so I could heal and move on. 😢

I’m not 100% sure about this… maybe I could continue to enthusiastically write and text message and chat on the phone, keeping the spark alive, if I were confident my sweetie still felt madly in love with me. Maybe. But I suspect I would be consumed with despair over never being able to see him, and our convos would end up being mainly about how sad we were. Or, if he was happy without me and his life was filling up with other stuff, then I’d think, huh, I shouldn’t be thinking about him all the time either cuz clearly he is getting over me. 🙃

Paradoxically, I’d want him to be happy, and I would encourage this. I might even encourage him to date because it would be horribly selfish to say okay I can never see him again so therefore he should be lonely forever. And if he were a good person (as opposed to the men I usually choose), he’d say the same to me. At this point (seeing others, or having the freedom to do so), it would be hard for me to feel as emotionally bonded to him. As soon as I suspect a man might be interested in another woman, my interest in him drops to zero, which is a huge reason why those dating apps didn’t work for me. You’re supposed to flirt with multiple people at once and be cool with the fact that they are doing the same. 😝

Now that I’ve “talked it out,” I believe all roads in this hypothetical crunch lead to ending things with Mr. Long Distance. 💔

~*~

Image from Caramel.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.