Grumpy Share

Bitmoji in space

Melanie starts the week with a fresh set of SYW questions. I’m still in a big bad mood over WP blocks ruining a dozen or so of my posts last night. 😡

Is it necessary to trust someone you like? (friends, acquaintances or co-workers with whom you have no familial ties)

No, and I don’t trust many of them, if trust means do I think they’ll “be there” for me if I need help or whatever. Some I trust for this, but you never really know how people will behave until they do something, or don’t. Most relationships are transactional (I don’t necessarily mean money), so as soon as you can’t do something, poof! For example, there was someone I thought of as a good friend who dumped me when I didn’t want to go on a hike that would have hurt my back. Poof!

If we’re talking about trust as in do I believe they won’t steal my wallet, that’s just a bare minimum of allowing someone into my life.

Via Pixabay

Do you hold grudges? What do you do when someone really irritates you?

Yes, and I think it’s smart to do so, at least after you’ve given someone a few chances. Why would you want to forget how they are and allow them back to dump on you again? People don’t change. I don’t mean I allow thoughts of them to consume my days, but a certain amount of ill-will is important to maintain so I don’t forget. In my younger days, I would forget, let them back, and ugh disaster. This is especially true in dating type situations.

When I’m really super duper irritated with someone long-term, as opposed to a flash of annoyance, I try to get them out of my life as fast and as thoroughly as I can.

Bitmoji goodbye

What’s the most sensible thing you’ve heard someone say?

This too shall pass…

Is crying a sign of weakness or strength in adults?

It’s not a sign of anything other than a biological process. Some people cry easily, and on cue, and some don’t. I try not to let it influence me one way or another. Hell, I cry at the dumbest things, and it means nothing.

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GRATITUDE SECTION  (Always Optional)

What small things were you grateful for this week?

Grateful for the ability to waste a bit of money on my new painting hobby, which I’m enjoying a lot, even though I’ll never be great at it. It’s a wonderful break from the screen, though of course I follow along on YouTube tutorials!

Midnight Raven

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ105: Read the TOS

This is going to be a super-long post, so it won’t hurt my feelings if you pass it by, though IMNSHO there is a lot of good content here. If you simply drop a like without reading it, your loss.

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you think [TOS violator] should be allowed back on social media now that he’s no longer in office?

I hope Fandango forgives me for slightly editing his question to remove the specific name. My view is that people should be held to the terms they agreed to when they signed up for a service. This means all people, no exceptions.

Let’s use WordPress for our first example, since most of my readers are using this service. Have you read the TOS? There are a lot of terms there… having to do with signing up, payments, disclaimers of WP liability for anything, using the site for e-commerce, more gobble about money, and some conditions having to do with users’ behavior. Here are some examples:

• Will comply with all applicable laws and regulations (including, without limitation, all applicable laws regarding online conduct and acceptable content, privacy, data protection, the transmission of technical data exported from the United States or the country in which you reside, the use or provision of financial services, notification and consumer protection, unfair competition, and false advertising);
• Will not be for any unlawful purposes, to publish illegal content, or in furtherance of illegal activities;
• Will not disclose the personal information of others;
• Will not be used to send spam or bulk unsolicited messages; […]

You must obey the laws about online conduct and acceptable conduct. What are those? Here’s a look…

Okay, what about, say… Twitter? Anything goes there, right? Um nope. Contrary to what Twitter looks like, they actually have rules. Which they enforce arbitrarily, unfortunately. These sites making gobs of money (FB, Twitter, etc.) should, in my opinion, be forced to hire as many people as necessary to enforce their own TOS. If they can’t/don’t/won’t, they should be taken offline. There is no excuse! If there are too many messages to monitor, fix it so there aren’t. They can and should. No one needs to tweet 500 times per day if the site can’t handle monitoring their content.

Here are some rules from the Twitter TOS:

• Violence: You may not threaten violence against an individual or a group of people. We also prohibit the glorification of violence. Learn more about our violent threat and glorification of violence policies. 
• Abuse/harassment: You may not engage in the targeted harassment of someone, or incite other people to do so. This includes wishing or hoping that someone experiences physical harm. Learn more.
• Hateful conduct: You may not promote violence against, threaten, or harass other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, caste, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or serious disease. Learn more. 
• Civic Integrity: You may not use Twitter’s services for the purpose of manipulating or interfering in elections or other civic processes. This includes posting or sharing content that may suppress participation or mislead people about when, where, or how to participate in a civic process. Learn more.
• Impersonation: You may not impersonate individuals, groups, or organizations in a manner that is intended to or does mislead, confuse, or deceive others. Learn more.

Isn’t that interesting? You wouldn’t think, from visiting Twitter, that they had any rules at all! But apparently there are so many tweets that they can’t handle monitoring them for adherence to their own rules. They rely on other users reporting violations. Regardless, violators should be restricted, even if they can’t all be found (which they could, if these sites put money into enforcing their own rules).

It’s not only the twice-impeached former POTUS who constantly violates the Twitter rules ~ violations are all over the place there, perpetuated by peeps of all political persuasions. They are simply sliding under the radar. Forex, it’s become a sport online to mock officials for having “dementia,” which is a clear violation of the Twitter TOS, whoever is doing it. Dementia is a serious disease, incapacitating millions of people, and it’s heartbreaking besides. It’s not funny to accuse people of having it because they lie, misspeak, stutter, etc. But folks on the right and the left use this form of harassment as mockery of those they dislike.

Many of us are on Facebook, which also has rules, not that they are great at enforcing them. God forbid hiring more monitors would put a dent in the bottom line there. Here are a few FB rules that are routinely ignored:

• Use the same name that you use in everyday life.
• Provide accurate information about yourself.
• Create only one account (your own) and use your timeline for personal purposes.
• We believe that all people are equal in dignity and rights. We expect that people will respect the dignity of others and not harass or degrade others. [found in Community Standards]

I stand by my unpopular opinion that there needs to be a huge change in the structure of social media ~ and that is to create a new global rule of one account per person signed up with their real, legal name, verified with a credit card. You don’t have to use your real name as your handle, but you get ONE handle, to be used across all social media. There needs to be an end to this detachment of words from consequences when you want to “troll” and harass others. That’s the thing about social media ~ people want to be separated from the consequences of their behavior. Unlike other areas of life, we aren’t required to accept any responsibility for our words, words that are casually tossed out to mock, harass, demean, etc. others online.

Of course, I have strayed from the question. That’s because it’s too simple for me to say, “Ugh, hate him ban him!” The twice-impeached former POTUS has violated the TOS egregiously and repeatedly, so suspending his account was the right thing to do, but more than that… everyone should be required to abide by the TOS they signed up for. Everyone.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Blogging About Blogging

I have time today to inflict more posts upon you. First up is Dr. Tanya and her blogging about bloggers’ blogs series. Last week she asked…

Do you like reading posts written for prompts? If so, what kind?

I like reading fiction and poetry best. I also enjoy humorous slices of life. Most of all, it’s fun to read posts where the writer combines several prompts. 🤩

When you publish a piece in answer to a prompt, do you read entries by other bloggers? If so, do you read them before or after you have written your own?

I read posts as they appear in my feed, whether responses to prompts or otherwise, and I don’t deliberately read other responses before starting my own, but often it happens because I don’t have time to write a new post early in the morning. I try to avoid duplicating someone else’s idea, though if the prompt is a question, then it’s fine to give a similar answer. I’ve been trying to choose obscure songs for Jim’s SLS, both to avoid duplication and also in hopes people might enjoy a new tune.

I’m continuing with Dr. Tanya for this week’s blog bloggery question…

Before you have written a prompt post, if you read someone else’s response that has the same idea as yours, do you abandon the project, modify it, or continue as before?

I would abandon or modify it (re fiction or poetry). One of the things I dislike most about social media is the constant repetition of stuff. 😡

We are all fans of Q&A prompts. How do they spark creativity in you?

They mostly don’t spark anything except the occasional attempt to be funny. I avoid the ones that I feel add nothing interesting to the general conversation, but if they are about the writing process, I may drone on and on.

Okay, now onto PCGuyIV and this week’s Truthful Tuesday, which relates to the above questions by Dr. Tanya…

When you come across dead links, either in your existing posts or in comments on your blog, do you try to fix or delete them, or do you just let them be, and why?

First, I rarely pay any attention to links in comments. I don’t want to be directed to reading material, nor am I usually in the mood to listen to a song someone plops into the box. So, the links all could be dead as far as I know. I don’t care. 😛

However! I have a whole different attitude toward my own posts. If I see an error, I will fix it, even if the post is 10 years old. I have done this, in fact. Last year I checked EVERY link here and deleted dead ones (also fixing any typos or spacing glitches I found). Of course, there may be new dead links now, especially on videos. Lately, I’ve tried to use more of the official vids to avoid this issue. I wish I could correct typos in all my own comments everywhere…

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Inauguration Week Share

Melanie starts our week off right with a new set of Q’s…

1. Why do we dream?

I consider it a data dump… to get rid of all the bits and pieces of broken code that float around our minds.

2. Do you think a person’s name influences the person they become?

No.

3. Does hardship make a person stronger? (example: What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger)

Sometimes. Being a lonely child forced me to find ways to enjoy things by myself, which turns out to be a strength. I’m glad I’m not needy for companionship. But hardship can also make you more fragile, like if you were deprived of proper nutrition or medical care…

3. Why do we judge ourselves by our intentions, but judge others by their actions?

Because we are all hypocrites! But seriously it makes survival sense to favor oneself and one’s family over others. I don’t actually see a problem with this most of the time, at least in public. Engage in berating yourself or your spouse in the privacy of your home…

4. GRATITUDE SECTION (Always Optional) Feel free to share some gratitude in the form of images, photos or writing. Thanks!

Grateful for nearby Crystal Cove 💙

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Last Share of 2020!

Melanie has given us some brain-crunchy end-of-year questions today. Can’t wait to see 2020 slinking out the door with its tail between its legs. BUH-BYE!

1. Pick three words to describe this past year.   (please keep them PG. Thanks). ~ scary, sad, lonely.

2. What were the best books you read this year?   Or the best movie you saw?  ~ I read several good books this year. When We Believed In Mermaids by Barbara O’Neal was probably my favorite. I also enjoyed the weird movie Vivarium on Amazon Prime.

3. Because there was lots of time for looking inward, what is one big personal lesson you learned this past year? ~ to not be so judgmental. Everyone is imperfect, including me. I thought I would accomplish so much during all this down time, but it turns out I’m not that disciplined and chronic pain depletes my energy. I have given myself the gift of not being so hard on myself. It’s okay if I don’t exercise or write as much as I planned to, or at all. It’s okay just to get through the day sometimes, even if I’ve wasted most of it playing games on my phone.

4. Do you think Covid has strengthened or weakened societal bonds? ~ Neither. People are as they always have been. Everyone says they will cherish their family time more after this is over and blah blah blah, but as soon as we’re all vaxed, people will behave the same as they did before. In fact, they still are, if you consider how horrible people are treating each other online over politics, mask-wearing, and every other thing.

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GRATITUDE SECTION (Optional of course):

What is a New Year’s Wish You’d Like To Share With the World? I wish people would quit being such assholes to each other and reacting with rage when others have different ideas and desires. Why do you care if gays get married or some dude decides he’s a woman or a woman wants to terminate a pregnancy? Leave them alone and live your own life!

FPQ99: We Have Issues

Fandango provocatively asks…

What do you think are the three most pressing issues facing us today?

Number one is human selfishness. This one terrible trait impacts so much of our world, including the refusal to behave responsibly for the common good by following traffic laws, wearing a mask and refraining from socializing during a pandemic, not giving a crap about our neighbors when we want to blast music or let our dogs run free, on and on. It’s just all me me me me and hey what’s in it for me?

That brings us to the second issue, which is greed. We all want more, but usually for us “little people” it’s stuff like food, clothing, shelter, decent health care, safe streets, etc. Yet we’ve created this monstrous system where a few people are allowed to become obscenely wealthy and hoard and/or destroy resources, while the rest of us believe we should go along because why? Because we operate under the delusion that WE TOO could be one of the handful of richies! We relate more to the Kardashians of this world than actual people in similar circumstances to our own. When I become a kazillionaire, I certainly won’t want to have to share my treasure either.

The third most pressing issue is the horror of people wearing socks with sandals. SO ICKY!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Bloggerz 5

Rory’s done it again, peeps ~ given us 12 wacky questions, that is! Please note that my title reflects only how many “12 Bloggerz” I have participated in, not how many exist. 😜

1. When not specifically following ‘set’ directions everyone has a favourited direction they prefer to walk in – which is yours left or right and why do you think you always want to go that direction first?

Right. Because I’m right. Also, I’m right-handed. In Australia, I’d likely go left… and probably be bitten by some nasty venomous creature. 🐍

2. What’s the creepiest thing that has ever happened to you – irrelevant to your personal beliefs – just something that creeped you out – and yet you simply couldn’t explain it?

All this grey hair and cellulite lately… what is happening omg?!

3. Who are your top five actors/actresses and what is special about them to you?

Robert DeNiro, Meryl Streep, Al Pacino, Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock. They’re great, that’s why.

4. Which prompts do you participate in weekly with your blog – please list?

I host the Monday Peeve and Thursday Inspo. I almost always participate in Jim Adams’ Song Lyric Sunday, Melanie’s Share Your World, Fandango’s Provocative Question, and Linda’s SOC Saturday. Other prompts I do as time and mood permit.

5. Have you taken the 16 Personalities Test and if so – what Personality Type are you and how accurate is it to you?
Free Personality Test

I just took it, not realizing it was a Meyers-Brigg thing. Again, I confirmed I’m an INFJ. Supposedly, this is the rarest type ~ the Advocate. Some of the description fits me and some doesn’t. I am introverted and passionate and picky, but I have no interest in any of the “helping” careers. They have way too much contact with people.

6. Are you easily embarrassed – when was the last time for you?

Yes. Too embarrassed to say…

7. Has anything shocked you in the last 6 weeks to the point where you have gasped out aloud – if so what was it and if not, then when was the last time you were terribly shocked by something?

Yes, last week at my daughter’s. We thought we saw a giant bug on her wall, but it was just two spiders tangled up. 🕷🕷

8. If you have one what is your signature dish and if you don’t have one what would you love to be able to cook wonderfully well?

I like to make layered bean dip for parties.

9. Strangest or wildest place you ever had the most amazing sex in or on maybe, even around …….?

My imagination…

10. Why is it healthy to flirt with people you have no intention of doing the naughty with and how often do you flirt with people you know or even don’t know?

Because flirting can be creative and fun. I don’t do much of it these days though.

11. Can you list 9 things that you can ride in, on or with?

Car, train, bus, trolley, scooter, surfboard, horse, camel, elephant. 🐘

12. Are you on Santa’s Naughty or Good list and if you are – what have you asked for from either?

Good List. I would like socks, thank you!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Happy Thanksgiving!

My smile for this week is that after being super extra careful all month, I drove alone 7 hours Tuesday to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter and her husband. It’s just the 3 of us (plus pets) and I’m having a great time. Last year, I flew up here and we spent the day with lots of other people, which was wonderful ~ nevertheless, I am so grateful I get to be with some family. (I will see my other daughter mid-December.)

Four years ago, my Thanksgiving week was depressing because I had just been dumped by a man I’d been dating. We’d planned to spend the day together (and do fun stuff the whole weekend)… then poof it was over. My younger daughter saved me from being totally alone by changing her plans and having a festive meal with me. We picked up a magnificent veggie feast from Native Foods. I was so thankful not to have to be alone when I felt so down. I haven’t dated anyone since then, and that seems to be the best way for me because I’m a total idiot at choosing which men to date.

I’m only human though, and I still sometimes think… what if? But unlike 10 years ago when I was newly single, I can answer that question by recalling my bad experiences since. I learned a lot from these episodes and there’s no reason to believe that a new foray into the field would have different results. This year especially has reminded me that I’m not only fine on my own, but I actually do better when not obsessing over what some random man thinks. I know other women date without getting so emotionally wrought up… but I’m not them. I tend to go to extremes…

I used to believe that the only good path was to have a partner to plan the future with, but life has a way of wrecking our plans and expectations (see year 2020). While I may not be totally footloose due to physical and financial limitations, I find it freeing that my future will be for me to choose, whenever and however I decide to make changes. For example, I don’t know exactly what I want to do or where I want to live post-retirement, but I get to decide that without having to consider what someone else wants.

Onto a more important topic: what will we be eating today? Welp, it’s not going to be the usual turkey and gravy feast, since there are only 3 of us here and 2 don’t like turkey. We are basically having sides, including baked sweet potatoes, mushroom stuffing, pasta, etc. We’ve already dived into the pie, and though there’s a bunch left (huge Costco pie), I’m thinking we might bake some cookies…

Have a sweet day, my peeps, however you’re celebrating or even if you aren’t. While I understand the historical reasons some may not think of today as something to be happy about, it can be soothing to take the time to be thankful for the good in our lives.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Friday Fourgetting

1. Are you a perfectionist or can you take a step back and accept less than perfect?

I am pretty pretty pretty chill. Forex, when I began this post, I pondered the title because I failed to remember what I called previous FF’s. If I’d been numbering them, naturally I would need to give this one a sequential number. I looked up my previous FF’s and saw that I didn’t number them. But why were there only 9? I felt certain I’d done more FF’s than that. I clicked into Rory’s directory and discovered that he used to call them the Daily Four. Aha! I used that as my search term and found 8 more, but they weren’t numbered there either. Okay then.

Wait, what was the question? 🤣

2. How often do you save online articles to your favourites list for reading ‘later’ and more importantly when do you then read them – as in when is your ‘later?’

Pretty much never. I occasionally save a music vid to listen to when I’m in the mood, but that’s rare too. If something doesn’t grab me right away, chances are it never will and I’ll forget about it. That said, I occasionally read something so gorgeous or profound that I save it with the hope its goodness will (by osmosis) seep into my own writing. Still waiting…

3. When was the last time that you actively involved yourself in doing absolutely nothing for an hour and what did you do in that hour of nothing?

Probably played games on my phone. I don’t usually do this for an hour at a clip, but all the ten minute breaks add up. I don’t recall the last time I simply daydreamed for an hour, but it has happened.

4. When was the last time that you were engaged in a difficult conversation and if you can ‘what was it and how did you do?’

I try not to engage in them ever. If someone forces me to, I will stay silent or find some small point of agreement to placate them with as I edge toward the door. It’s cowardly, but it’s also practical, since most “difficult conversations” are not attempts to resolve anything, but merely an excuse to criticize someone else. There are exceptions, but this is my general MO. The last time I was forced to engage in such was this summer when someone called to complain about a friend of mine and why wasn’t I doing XYZ about it? Just ugh.

~*~

Written for Rory’s Friday Four.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Sense and Sensitivity

Dr. Tanya continues her series of blogging about blogging bloggers with new questions, including some from Melanie.

MELANIE’S QUESTIONS :

A) Warning “labels” when one is writing about something that could potentially be ‘touchy’ to some folks. Pros and cons and that segues rather nicely into the second topic.

I haven’t used warning labels much, except for spoiler alerts when I discuss a movie in great detail. I don’t think my blog needs any warning as I don’t post images of violence or porn, nor do I discuss the the commonly known triggering subjects. Of course, I can’t predict what every person might take issue with… if someone gets upset over atheism or cupcake love, they can walk away. 🧁

I appreciate warning labels online. I don’t want to see pornography or read about self-harm. I also don’t want to read any idiotic conspiracy theories, racism, or support of our hideous impotus, but most who post that crap don’t consider it offensive and wouldn’t think of warning labels.

B) Censorship. Is it censorship if one blogs ‘sensitively’ (aka soft pedals hard issues)? Should writers have to think of every possible reader their writing might touch, every single scenario where a reader might take offense and so on? I’m not thinking of blatant offensiveness (and what’s offensive to one person isn’t necessarily to the next one in line), but a general trying to cover all bases all the time type of thing.

What you’re describing is self-censorship and there should be more of this, not less. Just as we should proof our posts for typos, we should reread for potential offensive content and edit or eliminate it. Over the years, I’ve deleted posts where I sound whiny and pathetic because that triggers me into being disgusted with myself, so I figure others may have similar reactions. I also swear a lot less now online because it’s simply not necessary and many people dislike it.

We can’t know what will upset everyone, but most of us understand what type of topics are generally offensive, unless we’re being willfully obtuse. Naturally, there are some who relish being offensive, nasty, trollish, etc. and we can easily avoid them by taking them out of our newsfeed and/or blocking them from commenting.

MY QUESTIONS:

1. Do you post about touchy or sensitive topics on your blog? If so, what kind of subjects do you like to discuss?

As I said above, I avoid the generally known sensitive/triggering subjects. I do read other blogs that hit on some of these topics, and I may comment in the same mode, but here? Nope. I’m mostly into writing poetry and short fiction, complaining about minor issues, and sharing bits of my boring life.

2. Do you respond to sensitive or controversial subjects in the form of prompts?

I avoid them, and I also avoid questions that are overly personal. I write a lot about my life in general, but I don’t talk much about work, sex, or go into specific detail about my daughters.

3. Do you take part in controversial discussions as part of a comments thread?

Sometimes. I often comment in support of Fandango’s impotus bashing, though I don’t do it here that often. On other blogs, I’ll write about relationships and/or mental health more than I do here.

4. How do you think sensitive subjects should be handled on the blogosphere?

Generally, it’s considerate to post a warning label if you’re going to discuss violence, mental health, or porn. Put a tag in the title or simply state it in the first paragraph. As noted, we can’t predict what everyone will get upset about, and that’s okay. People can unfollow blogs and delete comments, which I believe is a far superior method to deal with being offended than engaging in useless, prolonged arguments that descend into nastiness. Just walk away and take deep breaths. Also, it can be cathartic to write a long screaming diatribe about a horribly offensive person or situation… and then poof delete it!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.