Four for Pondering

Rory has some great questions for us today as he continues his Friday Four prompt…

**What is more important to you – to be ‘Liked’ or to be Respected?’** What do you believe to be the difference between admiration and respect or do you find them to be the same?** Likability and friendship are two different things. Being likable to many is great, but being a great friend to a few (or one) is rare – what do you think to that statement – true or false, agree or disagree? How uniquely YOU are you in a world filled with variations of you anyway – what seperates YOU from the rest of the world and makes you Youniquely You??

1. Is it more important to me to be liked or respected? I know most people are going to say “respected” with some sort of comment about how they’re true to their values and would rather be respected for that than liked for smiling and going along. Well, I’m not most people. I would rather be liked as a helpful friend who is nice and funny and caring. I know for a fact there are people who see me this way but disrespect my values and political positions. I’m fine with that and I see no need to argue with them about issues none of us will budge on. This is why I don’t blather (much) about politics online. Not putting down those who do, but I’d rather keep my interactions positive.

2. Do I differentiate between admiration and respect? Yes, but it only works one way. What I mean is that if I respect someone, I can easily find something to admire about them, even something small. However, I can admire someone’s success without having respect for them as a person. Many celebs are in this category for me.

3. “Likability and friendship are two different things. Being likable to many is great, but being a great friend to a few (or one) is rare – what do you think to that statement – true or false, agree or disagree?” I obviously agree with this because I wrote it! Thanks, Rory, for including my thoughts. I know people who are liked by many ~ it seems important to them to collect as many “friends” as possible ~ but in my experience they are too busy spreading themselves around to have enough time and energy to focus on one true friendship. On the other hand, I know people who aren’t popular, but they will be there 100% for a few.

4. What makes me unique? Nothing! I don’t consider myself anything special, which is not meant to be a negative (see my remark about celebs). There’s nothing wrong with living a quiet, ordinary life and finding joy in small things.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Chaos/Order

Let the extraneous fade away;
Begone the chaos of the day,
For I cannot control time’s cascade.
Instead I focus on the small:
A leaf, a bud, the soothing rain,
The wind that whispers down the hall.
If I am mindful when night falls,
Will I sense an order to it all?

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Written for Eugi’s Weekly Prompt.

Image credit to lovethispic.

SLS ~ Harmonica in Song

It’s another great prompt from our Song Lyric Sunday host Jim Adams! There are so many wonderful songs with a harmonica, but I think it’s been a while since I’ve featured something from the Boss.

“Promised Land” is the song I chose. Bruce Springsteen wrote it and it’s on his 1978 album Darkness at the Edge of Town. Bruce wrote the song during a trip to Utah and Nevada after Elvis Presley died. Elvis was one of Bruce’s heroes. Bruce suggested that the message of the song is the need to lose one’s illusions of a life without limitations while still holding onto a sense of the possibilities. [Wikipedia]

The Promised Land

On a rattlesnake speedway in the Utah desert
I pick up my money and head back into town
Driving cross the Waynesboro county line
I got the radio on and I’m just killing time
Working all day in my daddy’s garage
Driving all night, chasing some mirage
Pretty soon little girl I’m gonna take charge

The dogs on main street howl
‘Cause they understand
If I could take one moment into my hands
Mister, I ain’t a boy, no, I’m a man
And I believe in a promised land

I’ve done my best to live the right way
I get up every morning and go to work each day
But your eyes go blind and your blood runs cold
Sometimes I feel so weak I just want to explode
Explode and tear this old town apart
Take a knife and cut this pain from my heart
Find somebody itching for something to start

The dogs on main street howl
‘Cause they understand
If I could reach one moment into my hands
Mister, I ain’t a boy, no, I’m a man
And I believe in a promised land

Well there’s a dark cloud rising from the desert floor
I packed my bags and I’m heading straight into the storm
Gonna be a twister to blow everything down
That ain’t got the faith to stand its ground
Blow away the dreams that tear you apart
Blow away the dreams that break your heart
Blow away the lies that leave you nothing but lost and brokenhearted

The dogs on main street howl
‘Cause they understand
If I could take one moment into my hands
Mister, I ain’t a boy, no, I’m a man
And I believe in a promised land
And I believe in a promised land
And I believe in a promised land

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Photo credit ~ Jim Adams

FPQ80: Me Qua Me

Fandango provocatively asks…

Is the concept of “you” continuous or does the past “you” continually fade into the present and future “you”? Considering that your body, your mind, and your memories are changing over time, what part of “you” sticks around?

Interesting question, Fandango! I don’t actually believe there is a “me” (or a “you”) in the sense of a collection of qualities distinct from my physical being. Of course I have traits and characteristics, but I don’t define my essence with them… or with anything.

Yesterday I posted some adjectives to describe myself in response to a prompt. You wouldn’t be able to pick me out of a crowd by using them though. Description is not definition (try describing an apple to someone who has never experienced one). Some of these adjectives vary and some don’t. Forex, if I think of myself as a creative person, yet I go months/years without creating anything, then who am I really? I might knock that one off the list…

I used to worry that others had a solid core identity and could conceptualize it, while I did not. But I no longer believe that. What I mean is that, yes, others may think they have an identity, but it’s merely a collection of traits, preferences, memories, goals, etc. That’s what I come up with too, when I try to consider my me-ness.

So, yes, these descriptors change over time, as my body does, and they’re also twined together. My physical limitations inform some of my other traits. Would I dislike noise so much if I didn’t get migraines? I don’t know. I would like to think of myself as spontaneous and helpful, but I’m not because of chronic pain. I used to be more loving, giving, affectionate, and flexible toward others, but I’m not so much of those qualities now.

And also, no. Hah! There is an essence of me-ness that endures. It consists of my unique experiences and how I’ve chosen to interpret them. No one else has the exact same set of memories that I have. There may come a time however when I begin to forget memories I consider important now. How many can I lose before my me-ness vanishes as well?

I don’t know.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

5 Qualities

Dr. Tanya returns for #5Things by asking us to name the 5 qualities we most admire in others. This is interesting to ponder, along with today’s FPQ about ourselves. I find that the qualities I admire have changed over the years. I used to be drawn toward super smart, sarcastic, cynical, troubled people, but some of those traits have fallen out of favor with me.

Let me say something about honesty. I don’t admire honesty; it’s a baseline, something I expect from people unless extraordinary circumstances prevent truth-telling (like to save a life).

1. Kindness. This is by far the quality I admire most. I have been trying to become a kinder person and I gravitate toward kindness in others. Many times, kindness is manifested in not doing something. Not making a snarky joke at someone else’s expense. Not crowing about your luck or victories to make others feel lesser. Being the bigger person. Taking the high road. All that cliched mush. 🙂

2. Communicativeness. I admire people who are able to verbalize/write effectively to let me know what’s going on. It’s too hard to sustain any sort of meaningful relationship with poor communicators. My ESP doesn’t work well. 🤪

3. Resilience. I admire people who can easily adapt to new situations and make the best of things rather than complain. I know this sounds hypocritical, since I’m not too good at it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t admire the quality in others. 😎

4. Empathy. I can’t bear the overused term “empath” that so many identify as lately. I guess I’m an empath too! Wheeee! To me, this isn’t merely absorbing someone else’s feelings or reading the room. To me, this means the willingness to really listen and dive into another person’s POV by first abandoning one’s own and letting go of any ego issues and preconceptions/judgments. Now, this doesn’t mean we have to end up in agreement, but at least understand. It’s a hard thing to do consistently.🥰

5. Creativity. I admire creative people, whether writers, comedians, musicians, et al. I wish I were more creative! But at least I get to enjoy other people’s great work. 🤩

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

“Emotions Are Overrated”

This is a subheading in Mark Manson’s book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I totally vibed to this section. He talks about emotions being “feedback mechanisms” that notify us when something is right or wrong for us in our environment. Like eek a snake… fear! Or mmm a cupcake… happy! Those are simple ones obviously, but even the more complex ones are feedback too and it’s less stressful to consider them as such. Oh, I’m feeling anxious, why? And then I can logically go through the things in my environment that are making me feel out of control. Which are all the things, but still. It’s helpful (for me)!

You know where it’s super useful? In dealing with unpleasant stuff online. Look, someone said a mean thing to me and I am feeling all sorts of sad and bad and rage. Instead of immediately acting on that, I think about why I’m feeling those things. Is the comment partly true? Are there things I could do better ~ I’ll work on them! Is the commenter just a trolling jerk trying to get a rise out of peeps? Most of the time this is it and the correct response is to ignore, mute, block, or sometimes simply make a silly joke to defuse the situation. Responding heatedly only encourages more of the same. This is a hard lesson for some people to learn, but my online presence was born in the flames of Usenet, so I usually can step back.

This dovetails with the other way I like to think about emotions ~ the train metaphor. I strive to envision my mental landscape as a serene, calm, beautiful place with lush gardens, fluffy clouds, pretty butterflies, and sparkling lakes. There is also a train track and periodically an “emotion car” comes through. The car could be full of anger or sadness or joy or hope. But whatever it is… it will pass. Sometimes it’s a long-ass train, car after car of yucky emotions, but even so, eventually it goes away. So very important to keep in mind, for me anyway. I realize it’s just a fancier way of restating “this too shall pass,” but that phrase isn’t evocative for me like the train image.

We like to think of the negative emotions as transitory, but as it turns out, the positive ones are too. At least for me. I can’t sustain joy 24/7, nor would I want to. If every hour was filled with balloons and candy cars, that would get dull. Unfortunately, back when I was “dating” (barf), I and the men I dated wanted constant happiness. If we weren’t feeling awesome all the time when we were together, then obviously something was wrong and we should bail. That’s pretty unrealistic. I think our expectations are set by the media though, which says you need to feel continuous joy in a romance or it’s wrong.

The romances and romcoms I grew up with had this trope. No matter what obstacles life put in the way, the “perfect” person for you would vanquish them so that the relationship could be bliss 24 hours a day. But no one has relationships like this. What happens after the happily ever after ending? That, as my friend Don noted on FB, is the interesting story. That is where the story really begins.

“A fixation on happiness inevitably amounts to a never-ending pursuit of ‘something else’ […] And despite all of our sweat and strain, we end up feeling eerily similar to how we started: inadequate.” ~ Mark Manson in The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

Night Makes Right

Today’s prompt from City Sonnet is night.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images are from Google and me.

Sunflowers!

Hey again. Still going strong with prompts from City Sonnet!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Happy Color, Google, and me.

Here Comes The Sun ☀️

Yay, it’s double coupon day! Both Melanie (Sparks) and Di (pensitivity101) have won a Sunshine Award and offered questions to everyone. Congrats, ladies! 💐

First, we’ll do Melanie’s…

1. If you were on Death Row, and they actually wanted to execute you, what would your last meal consist of?   

Macaroni & cheese! And peanut butter cups for dessert. Yeah, I’m a cheap death.

2. In the summer, would you rather sleep with the window open or blast the AC?

Window open probably (unless noisy), plus fans.

3. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it?

Roger Moore… and I was like 10. Eek!

4. Would you rather cook or order in?

That depends. When I’m alone (which is always now), I nuke a Lean Cuisine and supplement with fruit. If I were with someone who might appreciate my cooking and not criticize, it could be fun to cook. If I were with a group of friends, probably I’d order in, so everyone could choose what they wanted.

5. Do you sleep with a top sheet? Why or why not?

No, they’re annoying.

6. Is there any product you simply cannot live without?

Besides my phone? Yes, black tea, hot and iced. Hot showers and decent towels too.

7.What’s your favorite morning beverage?

Usually iced tea and then a hot coffee. Later more tea, hot or cold, depending…

8. Are you more of a “work to live” or a “live to work” type of person?

I enjoy my work, but if I won the lottery I would retire!

9. What annoys you most?

People. Sometimes cats. Mostly people.

10. Have you ever had “imposter syndrome”?  (Essentially, imposter syndrome is the faulty feeling of not measuring up, or that you don’t really deserve a compliment or accomplishment.)

No, since I hardly get any compliments or accomplish anything. 🤣

11. What line should someone never cross with you?

Do not criticize my children or hurt them in any way ever.

Whew! Those were great questions! Now, onto Di’s…

1.  What is your favourite name for a dog (male or female)?

Cupcake.

2.   What is your favourite food?

Pasta with seafood or just mac & cheese.

3.   Do you like watching movies on the Big Screen or content to wait for the DVD to come out?

I do like movies at the cinema on the big screen. That can get spendy though, so I mostly wait. Now, of course, I have no desire to sit in a room full of strangers.

4.   What is your favourite alcoholic tipple?

A margarita on the rocks with salt.

5.   Do you like to wear bright colours?

Absolutely!

6.  Have you ever worn odd socks on purpose?

All my socks are odd! Oh, you mean mismatched ~ nope.

7.  Back to movies: would you read the book after seeing the film or watch a film after reading the book?

Book first, then movie, is my preference. The book is generally deeper, so I like to have those themes in mind while watching the screen as it makes the movie more interesting.

8.   Is your idea of a holiday lazing on the beach getting a tan, or sightseeing the surrounding area?

Mostly sightseeing but relaxation time too. Not getting a tan though…

9.   One for the ladies:
if your spouse bought you flowers for no reason, would you be suspicious?
For the guys:
If your spouse cooked you a special meal for no reason, how would you react?

I don’t know. My last spouse, yes. An ideal spouse who doesn’t exist, no.

10. Can you ride a pushbike, and if so, when was the last time you did?

Yes, but I probably haven’t ridden a bike in over 10 years.

11.  In your home, do you prefer blinds or drapes (curtains) at your windows?

I prefer shutters, which is what I have. I’d take blinds over drapes however, since drapes get dusty and dirty so quickly.

That was a lot of fun! Thanks Melanie and Di! 🌻🌻🌻

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji.

So Much P!

Wow, I have tons of P(ix)! Happy to continue my posting streak with the prompts from City Sonnet…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Google and me.