Tag Archives: peevery

FPQ98: To Bitch or Not To Bitch…

FPQ

I’m honored that Fandango chose my question for this week’s provocative ask…

When it comes to your friends, your spouse, your significant other, or members of your family, is it better to confront them about things they say or do that bother or upset you or is it better to try to ignore those things in order to maintain peace in your relationship?

(I deliberately didn’t include work in this question due to its layers of complexity depending on our status. Hopefully, we are all equal in other types of relationships.)

To respond adequately to this, I will have to mention my dear parents (RIP). They were confrontational, maybe to an extreme. Their philosophy was that if you didn’t express a thought or feeling, it would get “bottled up” and explode. Consequently, they subjected each other to a nonstop barrage of criticism, with nothing off-limits, day after day, year after year.

Couple arguing

I reacted very negatively to living with constant arguing (though I understood my parents loved each other). I wondered why you would treat any random stranger with more tact and kindness than you displayed toward your spouse. This informed my views to the extent that I swore to never live like this. If someone didn’t treat me with respect and support, I didn’t want anything to do with them. Also, it was with extreme reluctance that I ever mentioned any dissatisfaction. I didn’t confront ~ I just bailed. Sometimes it took a while though…

As has been documented repeatedly, I’m bad at choosing romantic partners, and part of that is due to both being unwilling to speak up when something bothers me, and also being highly intolerant of criticism directed at me. Oh no, I would think, this is just like my parents, I’m out. What about friendships then?

Cats chilling

I’m a little more willing to express feelings with friends than I am a partner. Why? Because there’s less at stake. Forex, I have often said to friends that they’re too loud. Once, I straight up walked out of a gathering because everyone was yelling over a game and wouldn’t stop. But nothing happened ~ I joined them the next time, no biggie. I didn’t have to sleep with them that night. 🤣

Basically, bottom line: I don’t see much point in being regularly critical of someone. Save it for something hugely important and rare. If you can live with a minor annoyance, then do that. If you’re constantly annoyed, or constantly criticized, perhaps that’s a sign to leave the relationship.

Oh, I don’t criticize my daughters because they are perfect, duh. 💖💖

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 64

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Today’s peeve is about writing poetry on my phone. Why can’t we get text single-spaced there? What is with the obsession of whoever designs code to put auto-double spacing for “enter” everywhere? It’s soooo annoying! We can do so much with technology, but a single-space “enter” option? Ooh no, can’t do it. When I write on my phone here on WP I have to go into the html and put BR everywhere I want single spacing. It’s a pain in the butt to be sure, but at least it’s possible to get rid of the extra white space, if I spend the time. But on Medium? NOPE. I contacted the help menu and was told it is impossible. Huh. We can send dudes to the moon, but no one can figure out how to create a single-space option for phone poems. It should ALWAYS be an option, imo ~ we shouldn’t even have to “shift-return” on a regular keyboard. There should be a button to click for single or double spacing throughout a piece of text, just as we can bold or italicize it. WHY IS THIS NOT A THING?

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 63

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Gonna complain about ads today. Not just any old ads. I get that we have to view ads to use free sites and I don’t have a problem with that. But some are simply too obnoxious to bear. When I’m playing some of the games via FB, I see one ad in particular that drives me nuts. It’s for a movie called Chaos Walking, and it’s the longest ad I’ve ever seen, maybe two minutes of dumb scenes from this irritating movie THAT I WILL NEVER WATCH NOW DUE TO THEIR IRRITATING ADS. Of course I’m giving them free publicity here on my peeve, but I don’t care. The movie looks dumb anyway and none of my readers would watch it. Pffft!

Short ads are good. Funny ads are okay (once or twice). LONG ADS ARE BAD.

It’s not that complicated…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 62

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Okay, so today’s peeve is another techy one. Saturday night, I began to play games over Zoom, as you do, and my camera wasn’t working. WTF? This is a brand-new laptop! My last laptop had a non-working camera, among other issues, so I was really upset. I tried everything, reset the privacy buttons, restarted the computer, googled the issue, asked Zoom for help, asked Lenovo for help, etc. My roommate, who is much more technical than I am, was also stumped. I couldn’t focus on the games because I was so upset. I texted my daughters to bitch and complain, as I do.

My eldest asked me if I switched on the privacy screen. What? I don’t have one. So silly. Then she explained that there is an eensy weensy teeny tiny button at the center top edge of the screen. I couldn’t see it at first, but I felt it. HOLY CRAP THERE’S A SWITCH. I must have turned it on when I wiped my screen with an eyeglass cloth (the best way to safely clean finger smudges)… I switched it off and VOILA the camera began working. Yay! I went back to my games.

But the peeve is… why when both my roommate and I googled this problem did the easy, obvious solution not pop up first (or at all)? God, that was maddening!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 61

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

I know what you’re thinking: Paula probably doesn’t have any peeves after this great weekend. Wrong! I always have a peeve (though I apologize for last week’s bailing on the post due to migraine, which is a peeve in itself). This week’s peeve has to do with politics, but it is definitely not the usual. I am pleased as punch (not sure what that means, but it’s a good thing) that Senator Harris will be our Vice President soon, making history as the first woman, first Black, and first Indian-American to hold that office. And she is from California… and her husband Doug Emhoff will not only be our first Second Gentleman, but he received his undergrad degree at Cal State Northridge same as me. He also was born in NY and lived in NJ before moving to California as a young person. And he’s Jewish. We’re like twins! Except for my 9-year layover in Illinois.

Back to peevery. My little peeve is with the media who incessantly refer to Senator Harris as the first woman VP. What? I hate when people use “woman” as a modifier. It’s a noun, same as man. Do we say man VP? Man nurse? Man teacher? No, we do not because that sounds all kinds of wrong. We say male. Likewise, we should be using “female” in those descriptions of a woman.

Kamala Harris will be our first female Vice President. Ah. That sounds so great!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Truthful Tuesday WP

Keyboard

PCGuyIV continues his TT series this week by asking us what three changes we would make to WordPress to improve our blogging experience. I am going to relate my ideas to the iPhone app, where I both compose and read posts most of the time.

1. By far, the most annoying thing to me in the app is line spacing, and this is nothing new, though it is more irritating in the block editor. Sometimes I want to single space a poem (or whatever), which is fine when you’re at a keyboard and can shift-return, but you can’t do that on a phone. I have to dive into the code and painstakingly put the “br” (break) code in after each line. Ugh…

2. I would like all posts to open in the reader 100% of the time unless I specifically click a button to visit the site. I hate reading posts in a browser because you can’t save them and it’s more cumbersome to comment. I have no idea why some posts flip me out of the app and into Safari, but I suspect it has to do with ads. 🙄

3. Why do I have to type the “alt text” in again when I grab an image from my media library? I obsessively went through my pics and gave all of them a name and an alt. This should appear with the image when I use it from the app (it appears when I compose a post in the browser). Fix, please!

Cute kitty

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 60

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Today’s peeve has been postponed due to a migraine. Which is annoying! Meta peevery happening here. Pain sucks. Please share your own peeves regardless. Thank you. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 59

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Today’s peeve is about WP itself… more specifically, the app. It has nothing to do with the block editor. 🤣 It’s about missing things on my reader (old issue with a new wrinkle), which has me super stressed out. I’m talking about my own stuff! I follow myself, as you do, and I’ve noticed lately that my images are randomly not appearing in my posts even though they exist. I use an image (sometimes more than one) in every post now, so no post of mine should ever appear with text only. Yet, these “missing” images actually exist on the post; I know this because when I “visit” a post at my main site, the image appears. Why is it missing from the app feed? Sometimes it’s an image I’ve had around a while, such as a Bitmoji, and sometimes it’s a new image I’ve downloaded from someone else’s prompt post. And I’m not talking about that dreaded X in a box you get when an image has been deleted. No. I’m talking about a post appearing as if no image was ever uploaded with it, when it was. 🤯

I like using the app on my phone ~ it’s super convenient for reading posts and saving the prompts I might want to do later. But this missing image issue has me SUPER MEGA ANNOYED! Naturally, I’m not going to bother asking for help from WP because (1) I doubt they will even understand what I mean; and (2) they never help. Plus, sometimes the image appears, so with my luck, they’d look and see one and think I’m just crazy. I may be crazy, but it is a FACT that WP is glitchy and irritating regardless.

Look at this evidence…

Post screenshot app
Recently published posts in my app tab on Saturday morning.
Post screenshot app
The same freaking posts as they appear sans images when I look up my blog on the app!

Happy Halloween week! 🎃 Don’t forget to remember your peeves for next Monday! 👻

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

On Folding Our Posts Into Swans…

Blogging insights

Dr. Tanya presents questions from Sadje this week on blogging etiquette.

How long should the comment thread be? For example, if some blogger likes your post and says so, you thank them. Then they say that you’re welcome or it’s a pleasure, afterwards most shift to emojis or smiley faces. It can go on for quite some while. So I would really like to know what is the acceptable cutoff number.

I don’t think it’s necessary to continue this chain after “liking” a thank you. There’s no need for “you’re welcome,” etc. It simply clutters up the comments with meaningless gibberish. “Liking” a thanks is equivalent to a welcome. And honestly, though I’ve been saying thanks to comments, it’s really okay just to “like” them without a reply, if you have nothing to add. I’m not loving the idea that my comment boxes are stuffed with my own thanks thanks thanks. Boring!

Reblogging etiquette; I reblog the responses to my prompt as I state in my prompt post. But if I want to reblog a post which I like or was moved by, should I ask them first? What is the accepted protocol for that?

I’m not a fan of reblogging or quoting gobs of material from another source, whether the news or Wikipedia or someone else’s opinion. Write your own words! If you need to reference something, simply link to it. Quoting a large portion may deprive the original writer of a visit, which is uncool.

What should you do when people don’t respond to your comments on their posts? Should you stop commenting on their post or give them a reminder about your comment?

Nothing. Don’t keep count of such petty things. Certainly do not remind them that they didn’t respond! Some people may not want to clutter their comments with a lot of replies, or they may not think of blog posts as a venue for chitchat. If a blogger annoys you, for whatever reason, simply and quietly quit following them.

Cat walking away from explosion

Award posts; These are the trickiest regarding etiquette, as most people don’t even acknowledge that they were nominated for that particular award. What should be the proper way to deal with this situation?

Ignore it! People don’t have to respond to tags and call-outs. Many are opting not to do awards at all, as the questions are mostly pointless and silly, not to mention repetitive. If this bothers you, stop nominating anyone and instead note that your questions are open to all. If we all quit doing awards, they’d fade away… like a miracle! 🤣

Basically, my view of all this is that bloggers are not required to respond to comments, tags, call outs, etc. It’s not a breach of blog etiquette to ignore those things and focus only on your own writing. What is a breach of blog etiquette then? Using other people’s words without giving them credit. That’s pretty much it. Not everyone is using a blog to make friends and jabber Facebook style. Some simply wish to write.

Pen and ink

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 58

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Today’s peeve is a little more global/general than last week’s specific, personal tissue-pack peeve. I’m talking about the situation where someone is the victim of a crime or other badness and keyboard warriors decide that this victim is obligated to become a hero. Take that guy in Central Park who was harassed by a racist woman who didn’t want to follow the dog-walking rules and called the cops on him. She ended up vilified in the media, losing her job, and now faces possible criminal charges. All that is good, and a deserved outcome. But what about the guy? He said he accepts her apology and wants to move on with his life. NO YOU CAN’T! yell a bunch of outraged peeps on Twitter. They’re angry at him for not turning that one horrible day into the focus of his entire future. How dare he move on when other people are still being harassed by crazy Karens and they neeeeeeeed him to keep talking about his experience, testify in court, write a book, make a movie. WTF? Leave him alone!

This isn’t the first time I’ve noticed this phenomenon ~ people gravitate to it when a woman is assaulted too. She must stand up for all the other women who might become victims of this guy in the future! Well, it’s great if she can do that. Hurrah! But not everyone can. Not everyone has the emotional strength to keep reliving the trauma repeatedly to help others. Sometimes all we can do is get through the next minute of our own life. And if that’s all we can do, that’s enough. Being a victim doesn’t obligate you to become a hero. It’s so easy for those who haven’t experienced the assault/crime to tell others what they should do and how they should feel.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.