Tag Archives: peeps

Fungible People [RDP]

What a coincidence that fungible is one of the prompts for today… I was ruminating (moo!) on the concept last night, using a lot of words and metaphors, but never coming up with this one. Fungible is always used with things like money and oil, not people ~ but why can’t it be used with people?

One of the reasons I’m becoming more introverted with age is due to my feeling that so many people view others as interchangeable objects. And I dislike this obviously. I had the sense as a young mom that other moms were my “friends” only because it was convenient. Once it stopped being convenient, the friendship dissolved. Example: I thought I was close friends with R, and we did many fun things together with our kids, but then she needed someone for a carpool and I couldn’t do it, so she asked A, who could. I literally never heard from R again. I was easily switched out with another person. Fungible.

I find it interesting that almost all my Facebook “friends” have disappeared since my exit. I basically have the same friends I had pre-FB ~ a handful of writers and meatspace peeps. Those FB connections were a pile of meaningless fluff, nothing to any of us, and only a way for Mark Z and the advertisers to rake in bucks. Since I’m not special, I’ll presume to say it’s the same for everyone. Just so you know.

After my divorce, I had the silly idea that divorced men would also be looking for the right person, not wanting to make another mistake late in life, etc. But this is mostly not true. They are looking for anyone who vaguely fits into a mental cutout they have labeled “girlfriend” (or “hookup” as the case may be). Anyone who fits will do, and if she leaves, he’ll easily replace her with another, or try to. We’re all fungible.

More and more, I only enjoy interacting with my family (and a few close friends): as the mom, I’m not fungible. No one can take my place. No one has ever replaced my mother. I still think about her every day. ❤️

Advertisements

Group Noodles

Community conjures up the feels. I’m an only child, and my parents weren’t involved in religion, sports, or even extended family get-togetherness (much), so I grew up in a community of three. We also moved house frequently, so I didn’t have long-term friendships until high school. Those were individualized more than with groups, so again… not much experience with community.

This all led me to the mindset that I was alone in the world and could do for myself with no help from anyone, which is true regarding some things but not so much others. Forex, I’m happy with a lot of alone time while others need to be more social; but I am not exactly Miz Fix-It. When something goes wrong, I usually need a person to help me. That is unfortunate, but it is what it is. Luckily, there are a lot of people who know things.

I had an identity as wife for a couple decades, along with mom, so I was part of a family group. When I joined a temple, along with some informal social groups, I was a member of those communities, but my interest in them dissolved as time went by.

I felt part of the diverse Huntington Beach community when I owned real estate there, but after I sold it, not so much. Now I rent in Costa Mesa and don’t feel much of a connection. If someone said Costa Mesa sucks, forex, I’d shrug and not feel any need to defend.

Sometimes I’m happy I grew up free from group identities, but otoh it makes it harder for me to relate to others, especially now in this increasingly polarized political climate. Politics is the one thing I find myself getting groupish about at times, and I dislike that. I want to feel I can blend in and be friends with anyone, or no one, if I choose.

I’ve noticed that most people like to tie themselves to groups ~ I think it’s human nature. Safety in numbers and all that. Occasionally I feel a twinge of identity, like woohoo I’m in the blogging community ~ I’m a blogger… hear me rawr! ~ but that doesn’t really mean anything. It’s not important like, say, being a Raiders fan, or whatever. Those people take their identity and community seriously.

Nothing, Your Fave Topic

I like today’s prompt word awkward because it looks awkward and sounds awkward. Why the heck would anyone decide to spell a word with a “wkw” series of letters except to stumble drunkenly into the ward of awk where everyone has their hospital gowns on backwards. You really don’t know where to look. Awkward!

I used to feel awkward in social settings, but I got over that with age. It’s important to remember that you’re not really that important to most other people. This isn’t meant to crush anyone’s delicate ego; it’s simply a reminder that others are focused on themselves and their own issues, not your minor imperfections. Um except for that one psychopath there… he’s homing in on you and how to use your insecurities against you. 😱

Speaking of ego, I’ve been called arrogant and insecure, since people just can’t figure me out. I’m a mystery wrapped in a riddle, covered in a crunchy shell. My arrogance might be masking my insecurity or vice versa… or maybe people are wrong. It has been known to happen, especially on the internet.

Last night my friend and I went to a dessert shop in Costa Mesa that specializes in malasadas, which seem to be some sort of specialty filled donut, but they were out, so we had ice cream, which was delish. There’s a message on Fill’s website saying sorry that they keep running out of malasadas (my phone keeps trying to change this to maladaptive). Now, here’s the thing: I didn’t even care that much about these gourmet pastries until it turns out I can’t haz one. Now, I’m tempted to call in an order. This is psychology at work, folks. Human and otherwise. Just ask my cat when I take away a pen.

But I would feel awkward buying two dozen of these donut whatsits without even knowing if they are indeed super nom and taking them to a party or whatever. What if my friends didn’t appreciate them? My ego couldn’t take such rejection.

Stats up the WaZOO

I can’t keep pace with many of the new bloggers I’ve discovered this year, but even though I don’t match their prodigious daily output, I’m certainly happy to have them in my feed. Such a fab variety of creative writings and so many diverse POVs! Love that. Lots of these peeps talk about their stats and I don’t pay much attention to mine, except to occasionally whine that no one has bought any of my books lately so why do I even bother yada then I get over it.

This morning I decided to check my actual bloggeroo stats and I took screenshots so I could share. I figured hey now what would my blogfans like to do on a nice weekend… beach, BBQ, hike, bike, garden… ? Nahhh. They’ll wanna peruse my stats.

First, not counting this poast, I have a grand total of 519 poasted poasts since I began this blog on March 25, 2011 with a cupcake. I have deleted a lot of poasts, mostly complaints about dating sites/men because I thought, ha ha, I might meet a new man, and I wouldn’t want him to see all that bitching, since of course he’d read my blog cover to cover yet wouldn’t know a thing about the Wayback Machine: Dating Logic 🙄. Thank gawd that’s over. There are months of little to no activity when I was busy moving or getting divorced. I also used to spend much of my free social media time on Facebook, but I quit there this March because #facebooksucks. Since then, I’ve been blogging much more, yayyy.

Second, I have 1,045 total comments, as follows.

Many bloggers have a higher hit ratio of likes, but I am pleased with this.

My most commented-on poast, by far, remains The Duke vs. the Secretary (which is also my most-viewed poast, natch), from way back in June 2011.

Third, commenters. This, my friends, is where things may get a little bit hairy. Are you ready for some drama? Buckle up! Year after year, when I poast the stats WordPress gives me on their Happy New Year’s card, Roy wins top commenter. It’s just the Way Things Are. But right now, in the doldrums of August, lil Miss PJ has snuck up on Roy and edged him out of the top spot! ZOMG!

(By “top” I mean second, obviously. I’m always Numero Uno.)

Don’t panic, Roy! There’s still enough time before the end of the year for you to regain your title. Hell, it’s anyone’s game really. Just comment your hearts 💕 out, folks! It’s not too late!

Btw, I think it’s only fair to mention that Stan was my very first commenter, back on the cupcake poast we discussed several paras ago. You’re all still with me, right? Good. There may be a quiz after.

Finally, I will finish up with the observation that my topics of noodling, fun, and whatever have the most views, which are basically the topics about nothing. Give the people what they want, I always say.

Actually I never say that. I simply enjoy going on and on and on about absolutely nothing. And I would keep doing it even sans validation. But validation is a lovely thing. See? Kbai. More later!

PS: Forgot to mention that I’m following 510 blogs (this constantly increases), and have 333 WordPress followers. I have other followers not on WP ~ email, twitter, and just regular peeps. Love you all, mwah! Kbai for reals.

Travel Musings

In theory, I’d love to travel to a bunch of cool places ~ England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Israel, etc. ~ but practicalities always quench my wanderlust. First, the cost. Second, the time. Third, my migraines. It’s not only long plane flights that mess with my head, but everything about changes in my environment ~ food, sleep, weather, etc. ~ are pain triggers as well. I also don’t like to leave my furbaby. Right now, it’s an emotional challenge for me to go away for more than two nights in a row, but luckily I have a trusted friend to come over and take care of Gatsby.

I thought I had blogged about my idea for a post-retirement (and post-kitty) epic U.S. trip, but apparently I only discussed it on Facebook. My previous plan was to take train rides from the Pacific Northwest across the country. I’d see Idaho, Montana, Minnesota, etc.; then onto Chicago, Philly, and NYC; up to Boston, Vermont, NH, and Maine; down to DC, Nashville, Atlanta, and New Orleans; over to New Mexico and Utah; smoosh Yellowstone in there somewhere… basically see lots of new places, plus old friends (and meet friends in person with whom I’ve been corresponding for decades). But I’m not sure this is a good plan any longer, given the state of railroads these days. Dunno if I want to drive thousands and thousands of miles alone when I’m old, but…

I have this fantasy that after I retire (and after my kitty has rainbow-bridged), I could get rid of most of my stuff and do this epic trip in a comfy vehicle. But still… so much driving! Oww, my neck hurts just thinking about it. After the trip is over (three-four months, who knows?), I could figure out where to resettle in California, in a less expensive area away from the coast.

Be nice to visit Canada at some point too. That reminds me: I still haven’t bothered to get a passport after all that fuss to finally obtain my birth certificate. Yes, I am legal! I know, it was iffy there for a while, lol. But all this road-trippin’ is only a fantasy. It’s not like this crazy vacay would be cheap ~ I’d need to stay in a lot of motels and buy a lot of snadwiches. Not to mention gas!

The furthest I ever go these days is the Bay Area, which luckily is fabulous, and not only because my awesome daughter lives there with her awesome fiance and their awesome puppy. But mostly because of that. 😍

Cee’s Photo Challenge: Week 3

[purple, colors, indoor, wood]

These are some of the cupcakes with purple sprinkles I made for my daughter’s baby shower last March. Please note the tiny pacifier toppings in various colors. The shower was held at a dear friend’s home in Huntington Beach, California.

Thanks for the fun photo challenge, Cee!

Guilt by Association [mini-rant]

When I was in high school, I had a good friend who didn’t like me to smoke when I was with her, or ever ideally, because then people might think she smoked. Another friend refused to be seen with me at the homecoming football game because I was a freshman and she was a sophomore, and she thought she would look uncool hanging around with a “baby.” A lot of high school girls were like this, secretive and petty, concerned how their friendships reflected on themselves and projected whatever image they were trying to cultivate. Boys may have been similar, but I didn’t know them.

At various times, people say we ought to shun those with different beliefs partly because of the guilt by association factor. We should punish those of the opposition political party by refusing to eat in cafes with them, forex. God forbid someone should see us having a snadwich with the enemy ~ they might assume we also eat our bread with the butter side down! Or we should tell Grandma that we won’t go to her house for the holidays if she votes for so&so, or if she invites Uncle Neepy, who supports the ban on fruitcake.

I’m deliberately making light of some serious issues because I have friends with beliefs all over the place, and family too. I don’t believe in the guilt by association concept: I believe in judging each person as an individual… and then hating them. I didn’t like to be tagged and boxed by closed-minded folks when I told them I voted for a Democrat (and they were invariably wrong when they tried to guess my other positions from that one piece of information), so I try not to do that myself.

It was hurtful in high school and it still is.

Share Your World 1

I lied. I said I wasn’t going to participate in these Facebook type listicles, but this one looks fun and I’m bored. Bored? Didn’t I just download ninety-one new romance novels for free from Amazon? Yep, that is correct.

1. In regards to puzzles what’s your choice: jigsaw, crossword, word search, mazes, logic or numeric puzzles, something else, or nothing?

-Puzzles! Love jigsaws, grew up with ’em, but alas there’s no room for one in my little apartment, plus my kitty would attack the pieces. Crosswords are great ~ used to try to do the Sunday NYT with my dad. I have one game on my phone and it’s a modified word search (WordBrain). Fun! But not addicting like Words with Friends. I used to love logic puzzles back in the day when I bought puzzle magazines. Not a huge fan of the sudoku, kinda boring. Meh on mazes.

2. List at least five favorite treats and it doesn’t necessarily have to be food.

-whenever “Hotel California” comes on the radio. I know I can listen to it whenever I want to, but when it plays unexpectedly that is a real treat.

-whenever someone agrees to play a full pie of Chinese Checkers with me (three triangles each), knowing it will take forever, and turn into a giant clusterf*ck, but it is so fun.

-when I can hang out with both my daughters (and now my granddaughter too) at the same time.

-catching a gorgeous sunset.

-frozen lemonade and roasted corn at the Orange County Fair.

3. What is your favorite type of dog?

4. What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?

-Seeing Mamma Mia 2 with a good friend!

Thank you for the great questions, Cee.

No Sinning Here

Today I read that one of the seven deadly blogging sins was jabbering on too much about oneself without giving something to the reader, so before I indulge in more navel-glazery tonight I will give back. Yes indeed. Here is a lovely link to my books you can buy. Now, please don’t say I never gave anything to my blogfans!

Okay then.

The otter day I commented somewhere (can’t remember where) that I’m a chatty introvert. I meant to talk more about this because it’s interesting to me, since it’s about myself, and honestly what could be more interesting than meeee?

I enjoy my own company and am happy in solitude ~ reading, writing, organizing stuff, watching a movie, chilling with the cat, etc. I’m fine going the whole weekend without talking to another person as long as I know my kids are okay. My office is quiet too, and I like that; I don’t chat much with people usually nor do I go to lunch with anyone. I think I’m probably more of a loner than the average introvert. My friends call themselves introverts too, but they seem to need much more social time than I do.

However! Speaking of friends, and being social generally, when I’m with people, I’m on. I talk. I talk a lot. I’m an open book. I’m warm and friendly, not shy, not quiet, not reserved at all. You really can’t shut me up, basically. I’ve even done open-mic stand-up comedy!

But after a few hours or so, my energy level will sink like a phone battery with a million apps open. I’ll become noticeably drained to the point that peeps might comment on it. My head feels too heavy for my neck… it’s overloaded with all the peopleness in the room. So much sensory input. Eventually I can’t process one bit more. Must escape!

I recharge again by being alone.

Regarding Writer’s Block

Jenga

Dusty commented about WB in my last poast. It’s true that I can’t seem to sit down and force myself to write the things I believe I “should” write, such as the next short story in my epic collection of long connected stories, or even finish one of Anna’s hot romances I’ve left in limbo. But that doesn’t mean I can’t write anything ~ in fact, I’ve been blogging a ton (have actually deleted several ridiculously verbose and pointlessly rambling poasts in the last several weeks before I hit publish), emailing a bunch, and tweeting a twitload. I have even poemed a bit. It’s just the fiction I’m not into any longer and thus have given it up.*

Fiction writing feels like regression. Maybe that’s a lazy copout, but it’s how I feel right now. Writing fiction was an escape from bad times in my life, and my life is no longer bad. I don’t need an escape into a fantasy world of make-believe characters I focus on instead of my own situation. Unlike poetry, which stimulates my love for language, wordplay, and brief, intense emotional exploration, writing fiction feels hollow and fake. (This doesn’t apply to fiction reading at all, which I still love. Or movies dur!)

Writing about real events, however ~ slightly enhanced for entertainment value ~ such as the “dating stories,” is still a lot of fun for me. I was going to write about my trip to the wilds of Los Angeles last Tuesday, the crazy Bentley who tailgated me (a freaking Bentley!), the trippy sidewalks, my adorable granddaughter (I’m a grandmother now, if you didn’t know), etc., but there wasn’t any outstandingly funny moment to regale y’all with, and I’m all about the regaling.

[Just had to delete some amusing nonsense about regal and regaling because the words aren’t related. Dictionaries are our friends! But eccentric comes from outside the circle of normal, which was the WOTD yesterday, and since I can’t sleep in this heat even with a Valium and it’s now tomorrow, that word is definitely appropriate.]

Now, at this point you may be wondering if this poast isn’t one of those ridic rambles that should go into the trash heap… no! First, this is an experiment to see if it’s easier to blog from my old Kindle, since it’s larger than my phone and has a more finger-friendly keyboard. Second, it allows open tabs to be visible at the top, like a puter, which is helpful for switching back and forth when looking stuff up while blogging. Third, it’s difficult to create links when blogging by phone (have not tried the WordPress app) ~ basically have to write them down on a piece of paper and type them in again like a cavewoman. But on my Kindle I can copy and paste like a normal person. However, there is one issue: my bitmojis! I only have access to media already uploaded to WP, no new bitmojis or photos on my phone, since this thing isn’t connected to my phone. Of course, I could save this as a draft and then reopen it on my phone, where all my pics are. But that is not exactly an efficient, streamlined operation, is it now?

I put the previously used Jenga blocks up top, meh. Other solutions were: (1) use a previous bitmoji that didn’t really go with this poast; (2) use an ugly stock WP photo of blocks; or (3) begin some complicated process of installing an app on my phone that will give my Kindle access to photos, but it is 3am and I don’t wannu.

There is a rumor going around I might be getting a Mac, which will render all this angsting obsolete, but in the meantime… the blog abides.

*One of my friends said he learned in a yoga class recently that stress damages the brain and is potentially one of the leading causes of dementia. So, this just proves I’m on the right track giving up stressful things like dating, Facebook, fiction writing, etc. If only I could give up driving, that would be AWESOME!

Oh, now I have to stick on all the tags that will allegedly attract zillions of readers to this poast. Bwahahaha!