TSAONGAF 1

TSAONGAF is the abbreviation for Mark Manson’s self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’ve read MM’s articles with some regularity, and last week I read his bestselling book. It was a great experience for me and I learned a lot. As I said earlier, I’m going to blog about some of my thoughts on his various concepts.

What does MM mean by not giving a f*ck? He points out that most of us are wrapped up in caring about so many things that we feel perpetually entitled to a perfect world and freak out when things don’t go how we want. I guess you could say that our giving f*cks too freely has turned us into a bunch of whiny Karens. MM suggests we drill down to our basic values (and change them if they aren’t working for us), and then find the few, important things to focus on. “Let the little things go.” We’ve heard that before, right?

Obsessing over way too many unimportant details has been a huge problem for me my whole life. I can’t simply decide not to and that’s that. “Don’t do that” is a negative statement, and when you focus on a negative, well, you know what happens. “Don’t eat potato chips”… now all you can think about are potato chips. I’ve been trying to substitute the negative statements with positive ones. Focus on work. Pay attention to family. Engage in self-care routines. Get more sleep and exercise. Read more books.

Focusing on these positives has had the effect of pushing some of the trivial crap away. It really does work. I don’t have time (or the inclination) to engage in social media arguments (a huge source of past stress) when I’m in the middle of a good book. If I’m filling my time with pleasurable activities, I’m less inclined to click on a new dating site “just to see.” I know that leads down a bad path. I can step back now. It’s a bit harder in some areas, such as driving ~ I still get enraged when someone does a dangerous maneuver. What does MM say about that?

It’s okay for life to suck sometimes, is what he says. We are not entitled to a perfect life, and there’s no need to feel inadequate when something fails to be perfect. So I had a frustrating drive to Los Angeles. That’s just how it is some days and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or the way I’m living my life. Sometimes traffic is sucky and frustrating. That’s okay. I literally had this ridiculous conversation in my head the other week. I was so stupid for letting my daughter go to UCB. She had a full ride to UCD and wouldn’t have met her future husband there probably. I’d have more money now and wouldn’t have to make this horrible drive when I want to see her. God, I’m so dumb!

But then I got to her house (a half hour later than expected) and had such a great time with my family. I’m not “dumb” because there was a detour and some other drivers were being rude and awful. It’s okay for things to suck sometimes. I’m not entitled to perfection. It’s hard though to keep that mindset all the time… I’m constantly reminding myself to stay positive and not dwell on small annoyances. Being positive is more of a habit now than it used to be though, so I am improving. Slowly.

Okay, that’s the end of this PoiMo. I’ll do more MM musing another time. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

Philosophical Share

Melanie gives us some brain-crunchy Q’s this week…

1. Must we have evidence to know the truth?

I do, but lots of other people just go with “faith.” If I don’t have tangible evidence of X, or a collection of behaviors/events (including emotional states) to make X obvious, the truth of X remains an open question. I may still take action though. Sometimes you have to.

2. How much control does a person have over their life?

None. Isn’t that freeing? I just read about this in Mark Manson’s book too. Control is an illusion, but you are responsible for all your choices, including your emotional reactions.

3. What is gravity and how does it work?

It’s the irresistible attraction of a pen to a kitty, who must knock it off the table to see if it will fall to the center of the earth.

4. Can a person be happy if they have never experienced sadness?  How about vice versa?

No. You need opposing states to compare, which is why I quit dating.

Gratitude:
Please feel free to share a song, a poem, a quote or an image or photo to show what you were grateful for during this past week.  (Optional as always).

This seems appropriate for these times… so grateful for friends who hook me up with interesting music!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Bingo Update 11

Read previous update here.

For the bestseller book, I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. I loved Manson when he was much less popular… found him early on when he gave mostly dating advice. Then I began to resent him. Who was this brash young guy (obviously privileged) telling everyone all this crap? And making bank off it. I quit reading him for a few years. But he was still around ~ peeps were always quoting him. Annoyed, I developed a conspiracy theory that he wasn’t even a real person but a character created by a publishing team. That still could be true… who knows.

Then my FB friend Barbara linked to one of his articles when I was depressed. I clicked. Whatever I read that day (don’t remember now) helped me so much that I subscribed to his blog by email. I grudgingly began to admire him again, so much so that I finally bought his book TSAONGAF. I didn’t read it until this challenge however.

Mark’s book is truly amazing. It’s a joy to read because he speaks to you as a friend, not as a high and mighty shrink. He admits to messing up in many areas before he began to view life much differently. He says he too is always growing and learning, and he doesn’t act like he has all the answers. He uses examples from his own life to illustrate his points, which makes his writing feel real and down to earth. Maybe the examples are made up, but regardless they are a great device to draw you in to the topic of each chapter.

My plan is to discuss in detail some of the TSAONGAF concepts that resonated the most with me in Pointless Meanders as time permits. That’s not a substitute for reading it yourself… I already feel better having finished it, and I highly recommend it in its entirety. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Two left! 📚

PS: I have no idea what happened with my phone’s pens, but I couldn’t find the right one for the checkmark, hence the slash.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image from Kriti and Ariel.

Friday Night Q’s

Lovely Di @ pensitivity101 has offered us some interesting questions…

1.  What is your first childhood memory?

Waving goodbye to someone. They were on a train and my mom held me to wave. It was probably my father’s parents. I was around 2 years old.

2.  If you dive, what was your first car?

I don’t dive… I dislike going in the water at all. 🤣 I drive though, and the first car I owned was a Renault.

3.  Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods?

4.  Before the lockdown, were you comfortable in a crowd?

I was okay with small groups of friends, 4-10 being the ideal number. I may never go to a fair or concert again because I can’t imagine ever feeling okay about a huge crowd, not that I liked them previously.

5.  Are you a night or day person?

Lately, my sleep schedule has been all messed up. I probably am most productive in the late afternoon and early evening.

6.  Favourite past time?

Writing and reading.

7.  What makes you laugh?

Wordplay mostly.

8.  What makes you cry?

Thinking about my mom…

9.  Compared to your school days, are you more or less creative now?

About the same.

10. What is you pet hate/peeve?

People! 😡

11. What kind of blogs interest you enough to follow?

I like eclectic blogs where the blogger writes poetry and/or short fiction, maybe has a prompt going on to share, and also talks about themselves a little. I don’t like blogs that link news articles (as a whole post) and/or blather endlessly about news in an impersonal way. I don’t want to read conspiracy theories nor will I tolerate even the slightest hint of racism or antisemitism. And if a blog is about selling me something, it had better be interesting and funny.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Happy Color.

5 Things [I Enjoyed Doing During Lockdown]

Dr. Tanya returns with the #5Things topic for today: 5 things I enjoyed doing during the lockdown.

1. Nothing! That’s right ~ I enjoyed doing nothing for a while. I’d been super tired, without a real vacation for years, so it was lovely just to chill. 🥰

2. Reading! I’ve read several books over the last few months. It’s been great to have the time to participate in some fun reading challenges. 📚

3. Writing! I’m pleased to announce that I’ve made significant progress on my novel Ghosted. 👻

4. Organizing! I bought lucite holders from Target and straightened up all the junk in my bathroom. Rearranged some other misc stuff as well. 👍🏻

5. Bonding! Spending so much time at home has allowed my roommate’s cat to become more comfortable with me. She hangs out with me now while I’m at my laptop. Of course, my own kitty has had more quality time with me too. 🐱

Here she is, purring on my lap. ❤️❤️❤️

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon

Images from Bitmoji and me.

Soul’s Dark Night

Ripples across a receptive mind
Disturb the soul’s dark night;
Awakening comes slowly as
Suggestions of connections
Form then dissolve again.
There is no space
For revelations
Until ancient demons
Are forced to vacate.
Some go quietly;
Others scream in outrage,
Their claws sunk deeply
In the foundation.
When the last devil is pulled
From the cave,
You stare into its face:
A mirror.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credited to Pexels.

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Sunday Prompt.

FPQ74: The Reopening

Fandango provocatively asks…

Which pre-pandemic activities are you ready to resume (or have you already resumed)? Which, if any, pre-virus activities are you likely to continue to avoid?

I have been going into my office a couple times per week and am totally fine with resuming a full-time schedule. There are only a few of us in a large suite and we hardly get any visitors. I will likely bring my own lunch so as not to deal with the cafe.

I’ve already been to my dentist for a normal cleaning and X-rays. I felt perfectly safe. They took my temperature as I came in and everyone was masked. I would also be okay with going to a regular doctor, if necessary.

When I grocery shop or go into other crowded public places, I wear a mask, even if it’s not required. I plan to continue doing this indefinitely. It’s uncomfortable, but I think it’s worth it. 😷

As I mentioned, I’ve visited my family in LA and have had a socially distant BYO picnic with friends. I’d probably be okay with outdoor dining at a regular restaurant. But maybe not… can’t predict how crowded it might get.

I want to get my hair cut and colored, but my daughter talked me out of it. I guess I can wait or figure out some DIY alternative.

I want to visit my older daughter in NorCal, but I’m definitely not ready to deal with either airports or flying. I could drive, but that’s a huge PITA. We shall see… 😞

While I find it enjoyable to hear the sounds of people having fun at our community pool, I’m not ready to join them. Not that I was a pool person in the first place. We also have a great gym though, but I’m not eager to go back there either. I’ll be passing up all peopley events for the foreseeable future, such as fairs or festivals or concerts or movies or even (my favorite) game nights with a bunch of people touching stuff.

Not worth the risk.

~*~

Images from Fandango and Pexels.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

TOOBA Time

First, I give big thanks to both Rory and Sadje for thinking of me for this award! 😍❤️😘 I really appreciate it. Next, like many here, I do not follow the rules of these award posts. I’m not posting the rules and I’m not tagging peeps or writing new questions. If you want to grab these (some or all, feel free). I consider all my readers worthy of an award for spending time on my posts. Finally, I’m not linking back to the site where this award originated because that’s just giving someone blog views when they haven’t done anything. Also, I don’t see this image anywhere on their site, so idk where it came from.

Questions from Rory:

1. Did you live an adventurous young adult life as in between your later teens to you early thirties and if you did what was your life style like …

No.

2. …… if you didn’t what was your lifestyle like?

I was boring, like now. I’ve never been particularly adventurous. My lifestyle was about working, finishing college, getting married, starting a family. Back then, I watched a lot more TV.

3. What was the riskiest date you ever went on and why?

Probably driving up to Hollywood from Irvine in freaking rush hour to meet this gross man who liked my writing and was allegedly in “the biz” and said he would help me. When he realized I wasn’t attracted to him, he became angry.

4. How big a child are you still?

Not much, though I can be silly with kids and they like me. I’m a serious person though and not very spontaneous.

5. What will you simply not do for money OR is that question easier to answer favourably reflective upon the sum of actual money offered?

How much are we talking about? 🤣

Questions from Sadje:

A. Which is your favorite dish to cook?

I like making a big mishmash of sautéed veggies with pasta.

B. What new skills you have acquired in last three months?

FaceTime and Zoom 😜

C. What scares you the most, (person or thing)?

Other drivers.

D. Are you able to fix technical problems on you devices?

Not if they go beyond restarting.

E. What is your preferred way of traveling?

Hologram.

F. If you are asked to donate on of your five senses, which one would you choose?

Smell.

G. How do you like to dress, trendy or comfy?

Like my Bitmoji!

~*~

Images from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Unlinked Twitter…

You may have noticed, if you pay attention to such things, that my “follower count” just dropped by 1200 or so. No worries! That is not a real number. Those were my tweeters, and I delinked Twitter. Last night I realized that my blog posts get practically no engagement there, so it’s pointless to keep sending my posts over every time one goes live. They just sit there like a smelly old salami no one wants on their sandwich.

My use of Twitter is almost exclusively for poetry prompts and a tiny bit of politics. I like to see what’s trending there so I know the major news of the day right away. It also gives me hot takes on celebs, and I confess that I still like to know what some of them are up to. There are miscellaneous accounts I follow, such as the earthquake bot, which I find useful.

But Twitter and Blogville never integrated in any meaningful way for me, unlike say the way Facebook used to. I may send posts over to FB again, but not all of them. We’ll see. The problem with FB is that people will discuss the post there, not here, so later when I check comments on a post, I won’t see the full convo here on my blog. Annoy!

I blocked someone on Twitter last night for hijacking a post from here (which is what prompted the review of my posts there). People are so rude and thoughtless… and tempers are short now. There is no reason to put up with obnoxious behavior online, none. I see people unfriending others on FB all the time for being jerks, and I get it. If you disagree and can’t be decent about it, go sulk in private or start your own post on the topic. Don’t take over mine!

So far so good regarding my return to FB. I haven’t even been that careful, but I don’t go on and on either. I don’t need to have the last word on other people’s threads. I say what I want to say and get out. I think it’s rude to get into arguments on posts that aren’t your own. I don’t like it when others take over one of my threads for their own ego fest either. Go yell in front of a mirror!

It’s always men… 🙄

~*~

Image originally found at Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ73: I knew he would ask us this…

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you believe there is such a thing as ESP? Or is what some suggest to be ESP merely that there are people who are highly intuitive and are very good at reading people’s very subtle signals?

I do believe in ESP, as strictly defined, which is “extra” sensory perception. That is, I believe there are some folks who are very skilled at processing and synthesizing sensory perceptions in order to make accurate predictions. Other folks just float through life not noticing things, or lacking the ability to do anything with their data. I think the skill can be taught up to a point, but some people have it naturally.

Let me also add that signals aren’t all that subtle once you know what to look for. You can learn what people do when they lie, for example. You can study how faces, voices, and body language change as people experience various emotions.

Some of us are more attuned to “reading a room” than others. It’s become trendy now to call us empaths. Everyone is an empath! This word grates on my nerves, grrrr. I call this a survival skill and people who don’t have it are likely the lucky ones who didn’t grow up in a stressful environment or experience abuse. When you do, you become skilled at discerning the shifts in voice, expression, and body language of those around you so you can better prepare for the coming storm or try to deflect it somehow. It’s not magic… it’s self-protection.

But do I believe that there is some spiritual woo woo thing that gives a select few the ability to “read minds” or bend spoons or predict plane crashes? Um no. Sure, I’ve “known” a few things in advance… haven’t we all? But what about all the times we did not know? That’s called confirmation bias, folks. Mostly, we don’t know.

~*~

Image from Fandango himself.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.