Tag Archives: migraines

FPQ85: Paths Not Taken Yada Yada

pointless meanderings

I thought I’d turn Fandango’s Provocative Question today into a pointless meander. He asks if I’ve ever had to make what turned out to be a life-changing decision and, if so, do I wish I could go back in time and change it, blah blah, what and why. There have been a few…

Generally, I begin with my foolish decision not to go to Northwestern U. I had no idea about “prestigious” colleges back then apart from the obvious Harvard, Yale, etc. I knew it was good I’d gotten accepted, but the gravitas of the decision was foreign to me. I behaved impulsively as a teen and things that went wrong were easily fixed. Everything felt inconsequential at the time. My parents didn’t seem to care, and after an argument with my mom, she decided she didn’t want to pay for NU, so I ended up at the University of Illinois in Champaign. It was a horrible experience, I dropped out, moved back home, and ended up in a series of dead-end, low-paying jobs.

Next, I moved from Chicago to Southern California with my parents at age 22. I’m not sure this was a great decision, though it would have been hard to stay in the city alone given my crappy jobs. But from the minute I stumbled off the plane to right now, I’ve had one giant migraine that never seems to disappear for good. I know I’d probably suffer from them wherever I lived, but it soured the whole experience for me. I remember being bombarded with the dazzling sunshine when we landed and feeling like I was going to pass out from the brightness and the pain.

Finally, I returned to college to finish my degree. But again, doh, I eschewed UCLA for Cal State because the freaking parking was easier. It seemed like an okay decision at the time, but it was yet another folly. Not that I had a bad experience at Northridge ~ I actually loved it all and appreciated my classes and the professors there. But until I had my own children I did not realize the importance of the name of a school. Whatever, at least I finished and that led me to the job I have now, which is good. But I got a late start at a career and retirement savings…

All the while this school/moving stuff was going on, I was also dating. Ugh, what a nightmare. I can’t blame online dating and culture such as it is now for my relationship issues, since I’ve had them all along. I am attracted to the wrong men, and that’s just the common denominator of the whole mess. I regret spending/wasting time with a lot of these guys, but I can’t regret my second marriage because my two wonderful daughters are my prize for sticking with it. I should have ended it sooner however. I definitely regret all the years I thought the marriage could be fixed and floated in limbo, taking no action to help myself move on.

I like to imagine that if I’d been single in my 40s I would have had a great romance and met my life partner, though that’s probably false. I would have simply made stupid dating decisions all that time too. Ugh, thinking about all this is an emotional drain… plus it’s all fantasy. I did what I did and here I am. The only thing to do is to slog on…

AND VOTE BLUE!!!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image altered from the original at Pixabay.

Neat Freak

New Q’s from Melanie!

Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean, though I get envious of those who do even more. Because of neck/back issues, I don’t clean as obsessively as I might. I’m also neat & tidy. At work, it’s harder cuz of ongoing paperwork on my desk, but at home I’m super anti-clutter. I love to throw things away!

If I asked you to describe yourself in five words – what would they be?

Smart, funny, creative, obsessive, crabby.

Do you enjoy being out in nature?

No. Theoretically, it’s great… lovely beach, peaceful hike, majestic mountains… but the reality is that so many things trigger my migraines it’s not fun to be outside. Bright sun, wind, cold, etc. are all triggers. And now, with constant back pain, it’s hard to even enjoy a simple park walk.

Incidentally, this was a huge problem for me on dating sites, where every man seemed to crave being outdoors 24/7.

What could you spend all day talking about?

Relationships, writing, psychology, games, music. Not saying I know a lot about these things, but they’re interesting to me.

Please feel free to share some gratitude from your life! Thanks!

Super grateful I was able to see part of my family this past weekend, including my newborn grandson! 💗💗💗

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit to Melanie.

Uh Oh It’s Magic!

Questions from Melanie/Sparks…

In your opinion, what’s the closest thing to real magic?

Love ❤️

Where is the worst smelling place you’ve been?

Anywhere they’re doing tar (roofs or roads). The noxious fumes give me an instant migraine and make me sick to my stomach.

What are some things that you’ve heard in your own life, which sounded like compliments but were actually insults?

“You’re fairly intelligent.” (But)

“You’re an attractive woman.” (But)

What incredibly common thing have you never done?

Camping, skiing, surfing (all common in California).

Please feel free to share some gratitude that you experienced during the past week!  🙂

Grateful the 4th is over and hoping the selfish people will quit setting off booms for a while.

Zen bitmoji

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Melanie and Bitmoji.

Flavorful Share

Share Your World

Starting my Tuesday with questions from Melanie! 🙂

1. What do you think of professional motivational speakers?  Do you think they motivate?

I don’t like to listen to jabber, period. I don’t seek out speakers and in fact avoid audio like the… you know. Videos are for music. 🎶 That said, I don’t mind reading some motivational jibber, depending on my mood. I enjoy short, profound philosophy that can make me go ahhhh and leave me thoughtful and/or calm. And I enjoy humor mixed with inspiration, a la Mark Manson. I don’t find motivation in everything he writes because a lot of it is geared toward much younger folks beginning careers and relationships. But there is still some stuff applicable to me. I don’t know if these speakers motivate people in general, but I’ve gotten value from reading other ideas, especially MM’s.

2. Do you have a favorite flavor?

Yes, several… coconut, cinnamon, lemon, and vanilla.

3. While out walking, you hear a rustling in some bushes.  What do you think of?

Kitty!

Jaguar

4. What’s your ideal temperature (nature-wise)?   Hot, cold, temperate and mild, humid or bone dry?

I like it pretty warm, 80ish. But I prefer an overcast day, as bright sun is a migraine trigger. Rain is also a trigger, as are any big changes in weather or extremes generally. Hate wind!

Alrighty! Got a post done and now on with the day… 🎉

~*~

Images from Melanie and Pexels.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Not A Flashback #PoiMe

pointless meanderings

Yep, it’s Friday. And yep I did a search for May 29th posts last night, but nothing grabbed me. I had a One-Line Wednesday that came up about migraine tigers (triggers), but if I’m going to post about head pain, I’d prefer to ramble on about it anew. Oh! Did I tell you… I’m sloooowly going off one of my meds? Yep, my doc and I discussed it in a virtual visit last week and I’ve now cut Topamax 25% and am okay so far. It’s a good time to try this when I don’t have so much going on and can lie down if I need to. The drug was a lifesaver at a time when I was super-stressed, but things are pretty chill now and I don’t like all the side effects, especially feeling so blah. I can always go back on if my migraines get too horrible to bear, but my hope is that I can cope without it and I’ll have more energy again and can start to exercise more (i.e., at all). The goal is to be completely done by June 30. Since my head gets really bad toward the end of August through September, whatever I do, this will be a good way to make sure I don’t confuse that inevitable badness with going off the drug. I’m determined to be optimistic even though I did this a couple years ago and it was a big fail. I had more stressors then though.

Not that things aren’t stressful in the world now. Right? I mean gah! But I feel lucky that I’m able to stay pretty isolated from it all and I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t mind being isolated. My personal life (knock wood) is calm, even while the world is falling apart. I’m sorry world, but there isn’t much I can do about the things out there except try not to make them worse. Perhaps staying in here, as I do, helps a little. At least I’m not using much gas anyway. But things are “opening up” again, which doesn’t make a lot of sense to me as the virus numbers are climbing, but what do I know, eh? Maybe they felt more and more people were going to take to the streets in protest so they’d better let them start going to the Cheesecake Factory (just an example ~ I don’t actually know if the Cheesecake Factory is open). Nothing is perfect. Personally, I am not going to sit in a restaurant, or anywhere else, among a giant glob of people, anytime soon. I just don’t see why I should take that risk. I’m fine at home by myself, going out to get groceries once a week, and stopping at my office (alone) to pick up the mail and water the plants. I understand that some people are going out of their minds without actual physical companionship, but I’m not one of them. The only thing I truly miss is not being able to see my family and the routine of going to the office 9-5 daily. I’m one of those weirdos who likes doing that. There are very few of us apparently… most people prefer blobbing around the house in sweatpants. Bleh.

I don’t really have interesting thoughts about current events. My view is likely the typical “liberal” one on most things, except I don’t allow disgust for a leader to create my reaction to every issue. One thing I differ on from many is my view about social media. I’ve already mentioned my unpopular idea that I do think there is something wrong with the idea of providing a platform for people to be utterly horrible to each other, even to the point of ganging up on someone and driving them to suicide, in order to make money from ads, and then shrugging off all responsibility for it. I’ve said that one possible solution is to disallow anonymity. One account, one person, and it trails you forever like a fingerprint. Well, no one likes that because it’s as scary as a microchip in a vaccine. What about forcing the companies to enforce their own TOS and not selectively as they do but consistently and fairly? Maybe they’d make less money, boo hoo. I don’t think children should be on social media at all. It’s bad. But if “everyone else is” and that’s how teachers are giving out lesson plans, well, whaddayagonnado?

One thing I really dislike about this new block editor is that I don’t see my word count as I type. Where is it? Last time I copypasta’d my writing into a Word document to obtain it, but that’s just dumb. There should be a word counter somewhere! It’s probably here in some menu that makes no sense off to the side and I’m just not finding it. I know, what a weird thing to get annoyed about, but hey that’s me! Weird things annoy me. I need to know my word count, grrrr. Otherwise, there’s literally nothing wrong with typing in blocks and I don’t know what people are so fussed about unless you have some huge complicated page with moving parts you need to paste in. I’m just straight up typing and it’s fine. I don’t know if I can add my photo here (but that was the case with the old editor as well) ~ if I can’t, I’ll save the post and add the photo from the app. (Added the photo!)

Today I need a stamp. Why can’t we pay the water bill online? I don’t think that’s enough for a whole Monday Peeve, so I’ll just leave it right here. Maybe something will annoy me when I walk over to the Post Office and it can be my Monday Peeve, but it’s just a stamp. What could go wrong?

I FOUND THE WORD COUNTER! It’s the little “i”. Why wouldn’t you know that? Who wouldn’t think to click the little “i”…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

Seven and Seven

7 & 7

Rory wants to know 7 things that make me happy & 7 things that make me unhappy. Then he wants me to define happiness, save the whales, and cure cancer. Let’s get started, shall we? 😀

Happy Things. Here I’m going to put stuff that makes me personally happy, not stuff I might read about regarding others. Like I love when I see stories of firemen rescuing kitties from trees! Nuh-uh. That doesn’t count here. It’s not direct. We gotta narrow this thing down. Same goes for the next list, or else it’ll be full of all the bad news in the world and nothing about me.

1. When someone pays me for my writing or spends their money to read something I wrote. 🎉

2. When someone leaves a public positive review of something I wrote or my writing in general. ❤️

3. When someone says I’m funny (without hoping to get laid or anything like that).

4. When I spend time with my children. Meant to put this one first, oopsy! 🤣

5. When I have a productive day at work.

6. When I have a productive writing day.

7. When I write something particularly good (either poetic or funny or profound or whatever). 😎

Unhappy Things.

1. When I get nothing done. 😡

2. When there’s a lot of noise. 😱

3. When someone is a jerk on the road.

4. When people demand things of me (who aren’t related to me or paying me).

5. When I have a big f*cking migraine. 🤯

6. Spam, fraud, robocalls, and all that sh!t.

7. Things that don’t work right especially when they interfere with work or writing. Rawr!

So, I think we can sum this up by saying that Paula is happy when she can write and Paula is unhappy when things interfere with writing.

Not complicated.

Happy day Bitmoji record

~*~

Images from Google and Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Bloggerz

1. Where is your usual location for meeting friends?

Before the lockdown, we used to have dinner at various local restaurants a couple times per month, and usually once a month there was a game night at someone’s home.

2. What is your favourite time of the day and has it changed recently due to current events?

I have become an “afternoon person.” I usually have the most energy then and feel my best. This has gradually changed from being a “morning person” over the past decade.

3. What do you find embarrassing to talk or write about?

[Or do you not suffer with this?]

I’ve quit discussing in depth how I’ve failed at every romantic relationship or attempt thereof. It’s not really all their fault.

4. What will you NEVER write about?

I don’t write much about work.

[Why?]

Because.

5. Do you ever read erotic fiction or exotic literature of another kind?

I used to, but it’s become tedious unless it’s part of a real story, which it usually isn’t.

6. How confident are you about …. you?

It varies. I know we’re supposed to say RAH RAH CONFIDENT! But that’s BS. Everyone makes mistakes, including me. I recognize them and I apologize for them. I don’t see others doing so much of this, so in a weird, twisted way, this makes me feel superior. I’m so cool with myself and my imperfect humanness that I can say hey I’m gonna screw up again and that’s okay. I see others strutting around with their memes and their fragile egos calling everyone else “stupid” for disagreeing with anything, and I smirk at them. Oo rant! 😜

7. Do you think in today’s digital climate with social media and so on … that people have too much to say and that they should be quieter or that people still are not talking enough?

They should definitely STFU… so they could hear what I have to say. I mean, really! 🤣

8. Do you censor your own writing before publishing?

[As in prevent yourself from writing or expressing certain things the way you really want to?]

Well, duh. If I didn’t, everything would be a rant.

9. If you weren’t already you upon waking to a new day, who would you want to be the next time you wake up?

[Why?]

Someone without headaches and other chronic pain! 😡

10. Have you done everything with your life you set out to when younger or are there still things you wish to achieve?

No. I meant to find my soul mate or life partner or however you wish to term the person you feel good sharing everything with, but I failed at that, and it was the most important thing. Raising great kids was also important, but now they’re on their own and I’m alone. 😢

11. What do you use when creating your blog posts and what would you sing the praises of with regards the creation of written content as opposed to a desktop or a laptop?

[If you do use a Desktop or a Laptop please also let me know]

Mostly the WordPress app for iPhone.

12. Do you give your readership what they want or what they need? What do you as a content writer and creator get from that for you?

I write what I want. I don’t know what my readers need. They seemed to enjoy dating stories, but I don’t have any more.

~*~

Written for Rory’s 12 Bloggerz.

Images from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Go Figure

Stream of consciousness Saturday

A minor figure of speech can get us into a major heap of trouble, so we should look before we leap into those metaphors and similes. Take the apostrophe please… no, really, take it away. I’m so tired of seeing it misused and abused and confused with a plural every time I turn around. Seven out of ten grocery sign’s agree with me ~ see what I did there? I would write more, but I’m tired and my head is pounding like tiny invisible carpenters are slamming spikes into my skull.

~*~

Image credit to Shelley Krupa.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

20 for 2020

I haven’t answered questions for a while. These are from Ally at The Spectacled Bean. Check out her blog! 🙂

Your most memorable fancy dress costume?

I dressed up as a glittery fortune teller for Halloween once. I guess that purple and black costume was one of my fanciest. I haven’t been dressing up much lately, even though I still think it’s fun, because my eyes are too sensitive for makeup. If I can’t glop on a ton of mascara, it spoils the festive look.

Which social media platform do you use the most?

WordPress. I also like Twitter.

Favourite season?

Summer. I used to say fall, but I’m really craving hot weather and longer daylight.

If you had to choose the beach or mountains, which would it be?

It depends. I love the beach… nothing is more peaceful than the rhythm of the waves. I could walk on the sand and/or just watch the water forever. If there were no other people around! But that’s rare. The mountains can be quieter, though they are often cold. Scary things are in mountains though, like snakes and bears and curvy roads that drop you off a cliff… but oceans have tsunamis. And also didn’t someone just discover a whole new species of gross disgusting penis worms living under the sand? THANKS FOR THAT!

I’ll just stay in my office.

What can you play very well?

Devil’s advocate.

What kind of cheese do you like?

Brie.

Life goal?

To make a goal.

How many cities have you lived in?

I’ve lived in the three largest US cities: NY, Chicago, and Los Angeles. Plus, I’ve lived in a scattering of towns around these cities.

What language do you wish you could speak?

All of them.

What can’t you stand?

Most things. I’m highly intolerant.

If you have an hour to kill on your hands, what would you do?

Waste it reading garbage, probably.

Your favorite routine?

Start to like some dude and imagine how things might be nice between us and then think of all the reasons why it would likely just be another horrible disaster and get so annoyed at wasting any time on this that I’m snippy the next time I see him causing him not to like me at which point I say to myself aha it would never have worked!

When do you become hyperactive?

After half a coffee!

Text message or phone call?

Text message.

Your most precious treasure?

Note that living creatures aren’t “treasure,” imo, so I’m going to say handmade cards from my daughters.

Your latest foreign language mistake?

This is funny. I was listening to a guy make some plans with me in what sounded like English, but it was really inverse English, so everything was a not-plan. Boy, did I feel silly! 🤪

What’s the best therapy for you?

Writing.

If you could be a fictional character, who would you be?

God.

Where would you like to travel?

Assuming I could afford it and not have massive migraines and backaches the whole time… Maine, Boston, NYC, WDC, Nashville, Santa Fe, Taos, Yellowstone, Montana, Idaho, Utah, Vancouver, Israel, Greece, Ireland, England, Scotland, Aruba.

Where did you meet your spouse/partner?

At the Orange County Animal Shelter.

~*~

Image credits to Bitmoji and Google and me.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Holiday Share

Tangled in Christmas lights

Melanie has questions…

What’s your remedy for the Holiday blues?

I don’t get the holiday blues… I just get cold. Yep, even in Southern California. Due to a mix of meds, genetics, and lack of exercise, I am almost always freezing 🥶 to death. This is depressing because I sit around my apartment huddled in layers of blankets and feel too emotionally paralyzed to get up and move around, which would make me feel better. When I am forced to go out, I do okay, but it’s hard to move around much when you’re already bundled up. Thanks in advance for the advice I know is coming in comments… I’m sure I haven’t thought of any of it before. 🙄

Frozen Bitmoji

Your favorite beverage (if it differs) during the holiday season?  If it doesn’t differ, just answer the ‘what’s your favorite beverage” part. 

I love eggnog, especially with booze, but it’s cold and alcohol triggers migraines. 😢 So, the next best drink is delicious hot black tea with orange spice and a dash of milk. This is my favorite drink all year long, btw.

This one has been asked before, but what’s your take on pumpkin spice?

Indifference. Don’t particularly care for it as a beverage, but in muffins it’s yummy… and pie with graham cracker crust! 🥧 I do like the scent of anything pumpkin or apple mixed with ginger/cinnamon/cloves. Not sure why everything is love/hate these days; there are loads of things I mildly like but don’t love, and others I prefer to pass up but won’t freak out about if they end up on my plate. Dial it down. Same goes for politics, music, movies, etc. Not everything has to be so extreme.

Is there is a person or god connected with your holiday? 

I am a Jewish atheist, so yes we have the sky guy novel… and no I don’t believe he is real. I am math/science all the way… those are my “faiths.” That doesn’t mean humans know everything or ever will; it just means I don’t feel the need to leap to supernatural explanations for stuff we haven’t been able to figure out (yet). And when it turns out we’ve been wrong about something, we can revise our ideas, unlike some religionists…

• Who are they and do you believe in them?

I don’t believe in any supernatural beings, though they are good material for poetry and fiction. I lump all gods, ghosts, genies, vampires, etc. in the same category. Once you admit one, why not all? Why a god and not a werewolf? 👹

That said, I find militant atheists irritating. It doesn’t bother me that peeps believe in the supernatural as long as they don’t try to convert me or tell me I’m “lesser than” or immoral or whatever. To each their own. Who knows, maybe I’m wrong and there is a god, or a bunch of ’em. But people telling me so won’t convince me. What would? My own direct experience. That’s right. I would need Mr. Big to appear and say hey his own self.

• If you do not believe in these people or gods, does the celebration/honoring of that being, bother you in any way (e.g., ignored, dismissed, angry, etc.)?

Only a few people I know celebrate the Jewish holidays. Mostly I see those around me celebrating Christmas, etc… I think there should be more of that. I love having days off work for other people’s holidays when I don’t have to do anything but laze around. I especially enjoy Christmas lights and cookies and sales, along with the fact that I’m not expected to cook a goose or buy anyone gifts.

Gratitude:

Share a song that you enjoy during this Winter season (whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, The Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa and so forth.

I adore this version of “Silent Night”…

~*~

Images from Bitmoji

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.