Sharing My Avo

Melanie has some new questions for us this week and here are mine a day late and a dollar short…

1. Can you parallel park (if you drive)? If you don’t drive, can you still skip?

I noticed that the bloggers who answered this question already consider themselves to be excellent at parallel parking, so I am here to provide some variety. You’re welcome! I am a terrible parallel parker and I’m not that great at parking generally. When I pull straight into a spot, or what I think is straight in, I often have to back up and fix things. Why? Because I have horrible depth perception. This isn’t because of aging either; I’ve been this way since I began driving at age 16. Skipping? I just tried and still can, but it hurt my back, like everything else, so I’m not gonna do it again anytime soon.

2. Do you prefer early morning or late evening? Or something in between.

Welp, I don’t know. I wake up with a pounding headache (and a backache) and try to pretend it’s not there, but then I realize I have to get up and deal with it. So I’m not in the best mood right away. Then after a hot shower and coffee I feel a little better, around mid-morning ~ unless the headache has become a migraine, in which case I’ll dose up with meds and hope for the best. Sometimes I get super-tired by early evening, but other times I’m fine until midnight. It doesn’t seem to relate to anything I do or don’t do. As far as creativity, that can strike anytime of day… or disappear anytime. Again, it doesn’t seem to relate to any other thing.

3. Do you like avocados?

I love avocados! I love them by themselves with a sprinkle of salt, and I love them in salads, guac, and any other dishes. They are wonderful.

4. Is mind or matter more real?

Neither is real. Everything is an illusion, bwahaha!

5. Are people in this current generation less or more sensitive than people from past generations?

How far past are we talking about? I have no idea how sensitive early humans were. “Grug, you really hurt my feels when you criticized my cave drawing. I deserve an apology. Then I think it would be a good idea to discuss how to proceed from here to repair the delicate fabric of our friendship. Trust is so important in these perilous times and– holy shit, it’s that saber-toothed tiger again! RUN!”

So yeah… who knows? But my overall feeling is that people have been “the way we are” for many generations and it’s only the comforts of modern society that keep us from behaving like savage animals. Mostly keep us, I should say. I guess it’s fun to pretend we’re either so much better or worse than previous generations. I read this “back in the day” stuff, but how true is it really? There were plenty of delicate flowers all along complaining about things. You think there weren’t “Karens” 50 years ago? Five hundred years ago? There were definitely Karens. (Btw, I hate using that term, but everyone understands the meaning, so I’m going along, baaaa.) Again, I think that more comforts and more leisure time provide more opportunity to focus on trivial crap because most of us aren’t too worried about our next meal or where we’re going to sleep tonight to be safe from the elements. If we had to focus on those things, we’d be less likely to crab about people talking on their cell phone in the elevator or whatever petty annoyance.

I don’t think people were less sensitive when things were less comfortable; I believe any one of us would “toughen up” pretty quickly if we had to. We just don’t have to, is all, so we indulge our sensitivities. And as far as the other side of the coin, the ridiculous notion that there was some mythical time when everything was grand and people looked out for each other and cared about their neighbors… la la la peace and lurve… yeah right sure. If you believe that, please let me know the exact date this occurred.

6. Optional gratitude…

I’m grateful for my daughter Diane’s visit last Friday/Saturday. It was so lovely to hang out with her… and instead of moaning about the visit being too short, I’m just thankful it happened at all. I really like the people my daughters have become and adore spending time with them. This will also be my smile for the week. I plan to see my other daughter and her family soon and visit Diane and her husband Sam over Thanksgiving. Not sure yet if I will be driving or flying. We shall see…

~*~

Image is mine.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

Future Tense [fpq]

I envy those who can live in the moment without a care for the days ahead because I’ve never been that way, unless a lot of alcohol was involved. Nowadays I rarely if ever drink because it triggers a migraine almost every time. There are many things I don’t do (any longer) because I fear getting an awful migraine that doesn’t respond to meds. I think, if you have any sort of chronic pain condition, you can’t help but worry about the future. You take precautions to try to avoid increased pain. For the last couple weeks, I’ve been trying to eat a higher-protein, lower-sugar diet in hopes of helping my head, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Late last night I felt super achy, so I did some light stretches on my yoga mat with the hope that this morning I’d wake up feeling better. It didn’t work. I guess many people my age have back issues, and some younger folks do too. It changes your priorities. Do I want to have fun today and suffer more tomorrow? Mostly no.

If I zoom out a bit from aches and pains, there are even more things to worry about. My children and grands of course. My friends and coworkers. Work and money. Issues in my immediate neighborhood such as crime and homelessness and traffic. Statewide issues, such as the California recall coming up. Fires, earthquakes, climate change. Covid. Other horrible diseases waiting to emerge, or re-emerge. The entire political mess that this country has been in for a while, maybe forever, but it seems so much worse lately. But that’s what people my age say about everything, isn’t it? We soak our memories in rosewater and start moaning about “the olden days” when things were better. Were they really though? When, exactly, were things great for the average person or the poor person? Those golden, glory days when women weren’t allowed to do anything without a man’s permission? When the air was so thick with smog you couldn’t see the mountains? When it was legal to discriminate against minorities in jobs and housing and education, etc.? For sure, music was better in the old days. Amirite? These kids today…

But to be honest, I don’t worry so much about the “big things.” There isn’t much I can do about any of them, which I suppose is a bad attitude, but whatever. Let young people fight revolutions. Not that I did then either, hah. I mostly worry about myself and how yucky I feel on any given day, what I have to do at work, and if I have enough energy to go grocery shopping or will keep eating tortillas with peanut butter for dinner.

~*~

Image from Pixabay.
Written for Fandango’s Provocative Question.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

Fried [socs]

Today Linda asks us to write about the first word that comes to mind from the last picture we took. I took this shot of my fried veggies at the OC Fair last weekend. These were a mix of mushrooms, artichokes, and zucchini. The first two were delicious, but the zucchini was meh. I also had a roasted ear of corn earlier, which was good, but not as yummy as I remember. As I found a seat with my veggies, I saw a place selling mac&cheese egg rolls and I’ve been thinking about them all week. They’re probably disgusting, but I’d like to try one now. I don’t usually eat fried food, except when I have a migraine. I sometimes get a small pack of fries, which makes my head feel better. Idk why. They also had fried frogs’ legs at the fair ~ at the kiosk where my friend bought a bacon wrapped corn dog ~ and I remembered how I tried those as a kid in NYC, not fried though. They really did taste like chicken. Seems disgusting now, but then so does chicken when you really think about it. My mom burned herself badly once when frying chicken and never made it again. I watched her cut open an aloe plant to soothe her skin. I have a big bottle of aloe for sunburn, but I’m generally too careful to get one. I put on lots of sunscreen before I went to the fair. Pretty much all the food there is fried and/or loaded with sugar, so it’s not gonna be a healthy day unless you sneak in your own food or fast.

~*~

Image is mine.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

Red Red Wine

I used to like to drink alcohol and began early. I had champagne at our neighbor’s apartment when I was 9 and my parents didn’t care (they were there too). The thing I associate most with that night is that the neighbors kept playing “Sugar Sugar” on their record player. My parents never made alcohol a forbidden thing ~ they just wanted me to be responsible with the car after I began driving. Of course, I wasn’t. But TG nothing bad happened. I was lucky, not smart or skilled in this respect. Just lucky.

Like many people, I used to associate drinking with dating and romance. It was normal back in the day (and probably still is, idk) for first dates to consist of a drink, or two or three, and then maybe dinner if we were still getting along, or not. Dinner dates almost always included a drink or a bottle of wine. Weddings and special occasions were booze-fests and still are, I guess. Funny that alcohol is ALSO associated with breakups, grief, and sadness in general ~ and not only in country songs but in real life. Drink when you’re happy, drink when you’re sad. Just keep it flowing.

I sound anti-alcohol, which I’m not. I’m just sad that it doesn’t agree with me any longer, and I wish it did because I enjoy the taste and the buzz. Occasionally, I can have a small amount (very small) with no ill-effects ~ last Saturday I had half a glass of pear ale and was fine ~ but if I have any more than that, I’m pretty much guaranteed a stabby migraine. I miss coming home from work and having a glass of one of my favorite merlots (pictured above) or having a yummy margarita or piña colada in a restaurant. I fell in love with cinnamon whiskey on a date way back when and it would be so nice to have that again (the whiskey, not the date). I also miss Bailey’s Irish Cream, which is fabulous over vanilla or coffee ice cream…

~*~

Image is mine.

Written for Jim’s Thursday Inspiration.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

Sky Blue and Black

Although I strive to be serene and even-tempered, the truth is that my moods do swing wildly from blue (optimism) to black (pessimism). I don’t think this is some sort of chemical imbalance as much as a reaction to specific circumstances. Take today, for example. I’ve been really tired lately, even though I have managed to get a normal amount of sleep most nights. But yesterday I literally crashed at 8PM. I went to bed then and woke at 4AM with a raging migraine. IDK why. It could be anything from too much sleep to too little, from the weather to to caffeine. I know it can’t be alcohol because I haven’t had any in ages. Point is, I was in a really dark mood from this nauseating, throbbing pain. I decided I would take a sick day and cancel on my friends tonight.

But then I took sumatriptan and anti-nausea meds, plus put some magic Chinese green elixir on my neck and forehead. Idk what this magic elixir actually is, but it helps, even though (as my doctor points out regarding Icy Hot, which is very similar) it could simply be a way of agitating my nerve cells so I don’t notice the pain so much. It’s not a drug, so it doesn’t really DO anything, except it seems to alleviate some of the worst pain, that’s all I know. And by the time it began wearing off, the migraine med had kicked in. So I went from feeling really bummed out to being happy or at least feeling neutral and deciding I’d go to work after all and hang with my peeps tonight.

These mood swings happen with my hobbies. I was so into painting for a while and spent a bunch of money on art supplies. I painted every time I had a free day. But none of my work came out as good as that random rainbow tree I did at my daughter’s house. I guess that was pure luck. I hate everything else I’ve done and have thrown it all away. Every time I go to the art tutorial Facebook page I see all this FABULOUS stuff, with people going oh hi this is my very first attempt… what do you think? Idk if it’s BS or what, but these pieces are all SO GOOD. This has made me super discouraged and I haven’t painted for over a month. I don’t feel it’s irrational. It is the absolute truth that my painting isn’t good; it’s also true that you can’t improve without practicing. But I’m 60 and have no desire to spend decades practicing art. My idea was to have a few fun hours painting here and there and end up with projects I liked to look at. That hasn’t happened, even when I try to closely follow a tutorial. It’s like when I was 11 and spent a summer drawing doggies from a you-can-draw-doggies book. No, I can’t fucking draw dogs! ARGH!

As far as writing, I swing wildly between believing I write well and that I’m just awful. This isn’t a compliment-fish; there is nothing anyone can say to change my mind either way. It’s all about my mood. I recently reread Switching Positions and think it’s really funny. But then I read a couple of my more “serious” romance pieces and think they suck. I can’t seem to portray the intense visceral chemistry and unbreakable emotional attachment between my protags the way other romance writers can. Maybe because I’ve never experienced that in real life, lol. Actually, in Ghosted, I got close (though it’s more of a mystery than a romance) ~ I put a ton of work into Ghosted, and it’s OK, I guess, but then I read Jodi Picoult’s Vanishing Acts a few days ago and am like holy crap this is so excellent! I can never even dream of writing anything on that level. Now I don’t feel like finishing any more of my crap in progress. My OCD screams at me to finish, but I don’t always listen to my OCD. Maybe I’ve written enough and should just start watching TV like a normal person, even if my self–identity is kinda wrapped up in the writer label.

I feel like turning comments off for this post because I really DO NOT want any compliments about my writing. They’re just going to seem patronizing to me right now. I’d like to hear commiseration on mood swings though. Then I might not feel like such a weirdo. Do you one day decide you’re great at X thing and the next day believe you are terrible at X? Please elaborate. I really don’t enjoy the motion sickness of careening between blue and black. Jim’s prompt of sky today inspired this word vomit, so you can blame him. I immediately thought of this Jackson Browne song when I read his post, and no I’m not going to C&P a pile of Wikipedia text here when everyone is capable of looking up JB facts themselves if they are interested. I’m just writing about ME and, to me, this song is about the search for self, whatever that is, and while mine sometimes seems clearly defined, other times it’s as elusive as a whisper in the rain…

You’re the color of the sky
Reflected in each store-front window pane
You’re the whispering and the sighing
Of my tires in the rain
You’re the hidden cost and the thing that’s lost
In everything I do
Yeah and I’ll never stop looking for you

In the sunlight and the shadows
And the faces on the avenue
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
That’s the way love is
Sky, sky blue and black

~*~

Image is mine (I think).

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

12 Bloggerz

I don’t always answer questions these days, but when I do… they are interesting ones! Here are my replies to Rory’s latest asks in his 12 Bloggers series.

1. Have you learned anything during the pandemic and especially the lockdowns that has changed your outlook on you, your life and or your personality that is truly significant?
   
   Yes. I used to believe I was a true introvert who could be content not having any social life whatsoever, but that turns out to be false. What I liked was having social options, most of which I rejected, but the idea was that they existed if I wanted them. When they all disappeared, I missed them. I was so lonely last Spring, I returned to Facebook to have more people to interact with! And now that I can get together with people face to face, I am really enjoying it. But I still don’t accept more than 2 social events per week because ugh. There’s a good article in Psychology Today about people like me ~ we are called “outgoing introverts,” meaning we can be the life of the party when we want to, but we also need a lot of alone time to recharge.
   
   
2. In your ideal world or lifestyle, how much sleep do you think you really need to function at your most optimum level and more importantly – do you get your desired amount daily?
   
   I do well with 6 hours of sleep and I usually get about that. If it’s broken up, I’ll need a bit more.
   
   
3. Are you a thinker, a deep thinker or an active overthinker and if so what do you think about the most and for how long do you need to ‘think’ on a problem before you reach a satisfactory resolve or what steps do you undertake to not think as much?
   
   This question is too general to be meaningful. My thinking process entirely depends on the situation. Sometimes I overthink, while other times I respond immediately. I probably am not what one would term a “deep thinker,” since I get too bored with any particular topic to explore it thoroughly. I like flitting around various subjects, landing on one for a little while, and then moving on. One thing I strive for is consistency, but that can be difficult to attain perfectly.
   
   
4. What are you most terrified of today?

   
   That the DMV will have no record of my appointment when I show up this afternoon and I’ll have to sit there for a hundred years.
   
   

5. What do you do for fun or excitement to fill your day/days or week?
   
   I am content with a quiet, simple life of work, writing, reading, and games. I don’t need any more excitement beyond the daily Solitaire challenges.
   
   
6. What is one of the most important features people should know about you?
   
   I’ll probably say no to whatever thing you ask of me, unless I’ve given birth to you or you’re signing my paycheck. Ideally, both, lol.
   
   
7. Whilst in recent times much of life has appeared gloomy and doomed – in the last 15 months or so, what have been 3 really good things to happen in your life?
   
   I met my new grandson. I began playing Dixit online. I bought a condo.
   
   
8. How often do you watch old television series and if you do, what makes for a good viewing on older content in your eyes and do you find that time relaxing?
   
   Pretty much never now. They’re not as good as I imagine they were. I was super disappointed in That Girl, I Dream of Jeannie, Match Game, One Day at a Time, etc.
   
   
9. How often do you use herbs in your cooking and which ones are your most favourited and why?
   
   I like basil and sea salt. Why? Because they taste good! But mostly I do not cook…
   
   
10. How confident are you about taking a vacation/holiday to another destination that would involve air travel?
    
    Pretty confident. I am going to book a flight to Northern California for Thanksgiving soon. But I never have been a big traveler and I don’t intend to start. It’s too expensive and too disruptive to the routines I enjoy. Plus, with chronic back pain and frequent migraines, I wouldn’t have much fun, so why spend the money?
    
    
11. Are you a tidy or a messy or somewhere inbetween type of person?
    
    I think of myself as average, but in fact I seem to be tidier than almost everyone else. I don’t often do a deep cleaning because of my backaches, but everything is in its proper place.
    
    
12. What is the most useless product you have ever bought unwittingly or accidentally thinking it was more practical than it actually was?
    
    Oh lots! I bought a cheapo carpet/upholstery steamer a few years ago and it was a complete dud. I have a whole mop floor cleaning kit, but it’s a pain to use, so I mostly just vacuum. I’ve bought a lot of doodads for my hair I never wear. And probably the dumbest thing I’ve purchased was a cake pan in the shape of a flower. The “petals” are on the top, so if you frost the cake, they disappear. What the hell is the point of that? No one wants an unfrosted cake!
    
    

~*~

Image from Cliparts.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

Fandango’s 15

OK, so I said I wasn’t going to answer a bunch of silly questions on my refreshed blog, but I like this set, so sue me. Apparently, Stephen Colbert asks these to get to know peeps, and Fandango is doing likewise for his Provocative Question today.

1. Best sandwich?
   See above image. I can’t remember a time when lox and cream cheese on a toasted onion bagel (with or without sliced onion and/or capers) wasn’t my favorite sandwich, and indeed it still is because change sucks. Now, you may be wondering why I didn’t choose my famous grilled cheese and tomato, right? Well, that’s a hot sandwich and since Fandango didn’t specify, I’m going with a cold sandwich. Close second is a veggie bagel sandwich or wrap with loads of avocado, cucumber, sprouts, tomato, cheese, etc. Mmm…
   
2. What’s one thing you own that you really should throw out?
   Nothing. I continually toss things I no longer like or use, since I hate mess and clutter.
   
3. What is the scariest animal?
   I’m copying Jim Adams here and saying human. No other animal causes such vast mayhem and destruction as our own violent, selfish, greedy species.
   
4. Apples or oranges?
   Apples for sure. They’re delicious plain, with peanut butter, and baked into a pie, cobbler, tart, etc. Oranges, meh. Pulpy and stringy, no good in a pie… like, what’s the point?
   
5. Have you ever asked someone for their autograph?
   No. I prefer not to worship celebs.
   
6. What do you think happens when we die?
   Nothing except decomposition.
   
7. Favorite action movie?
   Probably Goodfellas, if that counts. If not, then Live and Let Die.
   
8. Favorite smell?
   So many good ones… vanilla, cinnamon, cloves, bread or cookies baking, lemon, coconut. I’ll go with baking. I guess there are nice smells other than food… nah, I’m sticking with food!
   
9. Least favorite smell?
   Tar. Instant migraine.
   
10. Exercise: worth it?
    I’ll let you know if I ever do any.
    
11. Flat or sparkling?
    Sparkling, with lime.
    
12. Most used app on your phone?
    Google Chrome.
    
13. You get one song to listen to for the rest of your life: what is it?
    Hotel California!
    
14. What number am I thinking of?
    867-5309
    
15. Describe the rest of your life in 5 words?
    Work, family, friends, cats, hobbies. Which, coincidentally, is the same as it’s been for a long time because… change sucks!
    

~*~

Image is mine.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.