Tag Archives: love

The Meta Conversation

Boston Creme

Or what we talk about when we talk about talking. [hat tip to Raymond Carver]

Some people dislike “small talk,” the meaningless howareyas, haveaniceweeekends, coldenoughforyas watercooler type of chitchat. I never minded it. To me, it’s part of the please and thank you polite currency that smoothes over the transactions of our workplace relationships. Are we merely pretending to care about each other? Maybe. Maybe not. Do we always care that deeply about the answers to all the questions we pose to our friends and family, or is some of that merely filler as well? I don’t even mind when strangers ~ cashiers, waiters, neighbors ~ say this stuff to me. So what?

Why is filler conversation bad? Filler can be delicious, like the custard in a donut (mmm donuts). I’m part of a group where the leaders ask many “meaningless” questions, some of which I skip over, and some of which I reply to. I read other people’s answers when I have time, and often they’re interesting ~ first jobs, favorite writers, hobbies ~ and occasionally one of those poasts inspires me to write a longer piece myself, such as this one, or even a pome later on. Some of the group questions aren’t filler, but too personal to answer and I ponder them silently. I admire the brave folks who do reply. If I can think of a joke or a response that isn’t too revealing, I’ll put that. It may appear as though I’m an open book, but perhaps that’s just sleight of hand. You’ll never know, will you?

I’ve told you everything you know about me, but I haven’t told you everything I know. [hat tip to General Boris Alexandroff ~ yabbut rando site says so]

Most convo though is like shadows on the cave wall. We create definitions of words so we can communicate (table, cat, apple), but the whole endeavor quickly gets so tricky (love, loyalty, patriotism) that we assume a shaky base of mutual understanding in order to proceed, and often our assumptions turn out to be false. Oh, that’s not what I meant by love. Hah, fooled you! Or people can say that’s not what they meant even if they did mean it, and this becomes a totally legit way of squirming out of something because we all know conversation is just like this, even when it isn’t.

How conveeenient!

Now we make a new friend, bonding over shared heartbreak. Two people who’ve been burned by others deliberately (or so it seems) misunderstanding definitions miserably commiserate. Isn’t that nice? But wait…

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Conversation

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Nest

2 birds

I may be slightly different from other women in that I don’t take much pleasure in either being needy or being needed. I find both sides of that coin rather suffocating. What gives me the greatest pleasure as a mother is seeing my chicks fly free of the nest and become the awesome superstars they were meant to be. This year has been extremely satisfying for me in that regard. Yesterday was the birthday of my eldest. Twenty-seven years! Passed in the blink of an eye. I love them both more than any words can express. Again, happiness and gratitude.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Nest

Glitch

I’m an alley cat
I play on the edge
Stay away
Unless you want claw marks
Down the back of your soul

Visible marks
Proclaiming possession
Invisible marks
Obscuring obsession
Heart closed for repairs

He came to me palms open
Offering pearls and doves
But his heart stayed closed
Withholding self
Denying love

The stars winked out
When he said goodbye
And blackness crawled
Across my mind
Don’t turn on the light

Phone glitch
Synching old texts
Brings me back to a past
Of dark days
And darker nights

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Synchronize

Scrambled Breakfast Tweets

You’re my trigger
I’m your gun
Aim for the heart
My chambers spin
In lush delirium

Drizzle your poison
Dose me slowly
Milk of amnesia
Soften my edges
Numb my pain

The room grows dark
Days ruled by shadows
Frost crusted on the glass
All is stone and ash
My first winter without you

Swept under the wave
Drowning in madness
I breathe your name
Everything explodes
Into drops of starfire

A stranger’s kiss
Revives my heart
Luckily
I buried it
In a shallow grave

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Shallow

Dark Moon

A wolf sleeps in the raven’s circle,
Her path a razor through the night;
The moon is dark, my love eternal,

Restless, searching, never gentle,
Slicing swiftly out of sight.
A wolf wakes in the raven’s circle

As she arcs around an empty temple,
Cloaked in mists of dead starlight–
The moon is dark, my love eternal.

His gaze will track her shadowed vigil;
With eyes aglow like smoked graphite,
A wolf prowls in the raven’s circle;

Magnetic scent pulls down her spiral,
Wings thrumming in their ceaseless rite.
The moon is dark, my love eternal:

Bound to Earth by lines primeval,
Course predestined, fated flight.
A wolf waits in the raven’s circle,
And the moon is dark… my love… eternal.

Wolf-raven

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Magnet

Dark Moon villanelle published in WAXING & WANING Issue 7, Spring 2001

Quills

We circled each other
Like emotional porcupines,
Wary and scarred,
Alert and on guard.
Then I shed my quills,
Dipped them in ink,
And started to write
A story of our life.
Caught up in the moment,
I forgot I had created
A target
Of my newly bared heart.

Quill

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Quill

Image

Happy Birthday Mommy

Mommy

Syzygy

It might be a thousand years
Before the stars
Line up again like this;
One last incandescent kiss
As the light diminishes
And five million miles of dark
Ribbon out
In a long slow
Deathless march.

Eons pass;
A glacier cracks;
Again the moon
Hangs low and blue.
Did she count the waves
While I waited for you?
The tide pulls us into alignment:
Two frozen souls
Circling
Space and time.

I’ve lain with a hundred men
And felt nothing;
Yet your gaze burns my skin
From across an ocean.
Tectonic plates shake
When we touch
At last—
Mountains collapse;
The earth splits in half.

We retreat,
Our cosmology incomplete;
Resigned to the separation,
The endless analysis and division,
The rebalance and reposition,
Until equilibrium settles over the seas.
We drift once again
To opposite ends
Of this lonely galaxy.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Incomplete

4AM

I watch from my window
While your tail lights vanish in the rain.
The streets smearstain
Into a red and green fingerpainting,
Flickering with the traffic signals,
As fickle as your interest in me.
Blurred and tearstreaked,
The wet masterpiece
Stays illuminated
By a cold lemondrop moon.

I know I’ll never see you again.

All the frothy promises
And cottoncandy plans
Dissolve in the morning mist.
My lips still hum from your kiss,
But I feel your vague disappointment,
Your perpetual darkness
Guarded by barbedwire.

I wander outside to feed the ferals—
Two slinky shadows, silhouettes cut from coal;
Crunchy nuggets clink into the cats’ dish.
How I wish I could make a wish,
But there are no do-overs here.
I always fail with a complicated man;
I don’t respond well to the tortured genius soul
Who needs the perfect femme fatale,
A Marilyn to his Al.

I fail with the uncomplicated too.

You told me I was nothing like her,
The ex who depressed you—
I thought that was a good thing;
But now I imagine you search
For her likeness,
In hopes of recreating some sick
Woody Allen type lobster scene,
To find catharsis
And absolution.
And though I sneer and snark,
I want to play a part
In this execution.

I gaze up at that judgy stone face,
Unflinchingly—
In my disordered state:
Jammie pants, damp coat,
Tangled mass of bedhead.
“Is it something I said?”
Yes.
I ponder this relationship chess;
I might just be on the precipice
Of finally understanding
Something,
Anything,
A small piece of this
Jagged, glassy, bloody puzzle.

“Is it something I didn’t say?”
Also yes.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Precipice

Reconsolidation

Memories are like clay,
I’ve heard,
Half-formed
Into malleable birds.
Pushed together
In a mindcage
Floating on a bay
Of undulating waves,
They escape,
Mutate,
Once exposed
To the eye of day.

Those times with you—
Long ago, so few—
I check the cage,
Surprised to find
These birds
Have turned golden,
Sparkling in the dark.
Gemstone eyes
Radiate precious scenes…
A kiss in the moonlight,
Strawberries at noon.
Smiling and warm,
I close this door.

I don’t even want to know
What you recall.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Exposed