Collared [socs flash 81]

Collins’ captain complimented him on the killer’s collar. “Congrats on the capture, Collins! Go home and grab a cold one from your cooler.”

But as soon as he closed the door, Collins was confronted by his wife Karen with one of his unclean shirts. “What’s this candy pink lipstick on your collar?” she queried. “Have you been canoodling with Kelly?”

“‘Course not,” Collins countered, cruising to the fridge.

“I’m crushed, you cad!” Karen cried.

“Calm yourself,” he caviled. “That’s Kathy’s color.”

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image from Pexels

Generation Yap [flash 85]

“Dude, this burger looks awesome!” Dylan shouted when he sat down at the table. “Get in mah belly!”

“Young man,” Grandpa bristled. “Must you use such obnoxious vocabulary?”

“Chillax, Geepah.” Dylan waved a fry. “I was giving Moms a compliment.”

Grandpa sighed. “In my day, we would have said something more pleasant, such as the cat’s meow.”

“But our cat howls all night,” Dylan pointed out. “That doesn’t seem like a compliment.”

“All right, burgers!” Dad said as he arrived at the table. “Fuckin’ A!”

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images are mine and not mine…

Sharp Words [socs]

Not the sharpest crayon in the shed, are ya?

You’re mixing metaphors, buddy. Perhaps your elevator doesn’t go to the penthouse any longer.

Penthouse, shmenthouse. You know what they say about stones…

Sticks and stones, man.

Glass houses is all I’m saying.

My glass is half-full because I’m an optimist.

I think you need an optometrist, pal. That glass is half-full of pee.

It’s lemonade, ya doofus. That’s what we cheery types make when life gives us lemons.

Cheery, cherry, dingleberry. Lemons are for losers! I have a banana in my pocket.

You’re probably just happy to see me.

I’ll be happy to see the last of you, is what. Don’t let the door hit ya.

That door? The one with the armed guard?

“You’re talking to yourself again,” the guard said. “I’m telling the doctor you need more meds.”

Mom always spoils our fun.

I know, right?

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image found at Asbestos.com, no relation to Asbestos Dust, I presume…

50 Ways…

Getting the brush-off of olde has many synonyms in modern (internet) dating. There’s ghosted, of course (which is also the title of my soon to be completed novel), and this means abruptly disappearing, when someone vanishes like a ghost. 👻 It can even happen in the middle of a chat!

Sometimes you get benched. That’s when you believe Mr. Potential could still be interested because he occasionally texts and/or “likes” your social media posts, but he is never actually able to make plans to meet (also a red flag for a married person who is just flirting to waste your time). This is also known as breadcrumbing.

Next we have orbiting and haunting. This is when someone hovers around but isn’t interested in getting together. They don’t text, but you know they’re reading your posts. If this happens before you’ve met, it’s orbiting. If it happens after they’ve ghosted you, it’s haunting.

You’ve probably heard of catfishing, which is when someone assumes a new identity to start a relationship. They may have a specific target in mind, or simply hope to reel in any good catch. Obviously, they will come up with a raft of excuses why they can’t meet in person. Sometimes they’ll also refuse to speak on the phone ~ maybe because they aren’t the gender they have presented.

Do you know what cuffing season is? No, not BSDM! It’s when it’s cold outside, baby, and people need someone to snuggle. They’ll drop their dating requirements and take anyone available. But beware when it warms up! April showers may lead to haunted flowers…

Finally, we have paperclipping. This is when an ex pops up to say hi and mess with your head. Go away and stay away!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Spot [socs]

Spot is a strange name for a dog and I wonder how it became so popular. I guess because dogs have spots? Boring! Rover is also a common name, or was… because doggies roam around, I suppose. Then there are the “ironic” names, such as Tiny for a big Doberman or Hercules for a little chihuahua. Some names seem cool but are overused: Max, Copper, Brandy, etc. For my kids’ dog, I suggested Roxy and Rory… they went with Rory. She’s pictured above. My childhood dog was named Peppy, which is pretty uncreative, but I was only 9 when I named her (she was a salt and pepper cockapoo). Names are always interesting to me.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Photo credit ~ Sam Karp

The Monday Peeve 47

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Today’s peeve is a bit different. I find the phrase “meet this moment” to be annoying AF. Seems like a whole bunch of politicians began using it all at once to announce they were on top of pandemic stuff. Also, the Dixie Chicks jabbered about it when changing their name. I guess meeting the moment is cooler than being on top of the moment. Poor moment might get squooshed. We used to say rise to the occasion too, but that could imply we were lazing about on the beach, and then oops, important thing happening, must get up and at ’em.

But I was wrong. The expression is at least a decade old and had nothing to do with politics originally. I find a reference to it from 2009, when Sylvia Boorstein wrote about “dharma gifts.” She incorporated the phrase as part of a meditation: “May I meet this moment fully, may I meet it as a friend.” Well, now, that sounds lovely! It certainly doesn’t strike me as oozing with fake sincerity, which is how the politicians sound.

I also find that in 2014, the CLIF Bar company used the expression when they were promoting outdoor adventures… with bars along for the ride. They named an initiative “Meet the Moment” to create community, inspire, spark yada blah. What’s funny is that although I’m the couchiest of couch potatoes, I freaking love CLIF bars! I have one pretty much every day cuz they’re delicious and satisfying. (I accept PayPal.)

Alrighty then. Thank you Google. But it still irritates me when politicians say it, and that’s final. Unless er the polls show a more favorable outcome if I embrace it.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image altered from the original on Pixabay.

The Monday Peeve 44

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the TMP tag, link back to me (or not), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen. I have feelings!

Last week’s peeve was philosophical and meaningful and sh!t, while today’s promises to be one of the most trivial complaints ever. But that’s okay! Our minor mads are fair game for TMP. Go ahead, vent about some teensy tiny annoyance… it’s perfectly fine. Mine is about the word “stream,” as a verb referring to entertainment, which I find irritating AF. Back in MY day, we watched a show or listened to a program. Or we said a station/channel was showing or broadcasting something. Now, we have a burning pretentious need to announce when we experienced a thing “live” (not actually live though, since you’re still sitting in your damn house or car) by saying we STREAMED it. Omg hate hate hate!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found at Pixabay.

The Stars Won’t Come Out… [socs]

If they know that you’re about
Cause they couldn’t match the glow
Of your eyes… 🎶🎶🎶

(“Candida” by Tony Orlando)

While flirty banter and pick-up lines sound cheesy to me when spoken aloud, the same words in a song can be meltingly romantic. Weird! But true. Eons ago I noticed that some songs seem deeply poetic and/or philosophical, but if you simply read the lyrics as text… meh. How about this one?

“With every step you take, I’ll be watching you.”

Omg stalker! That definitely does not sound romantic outside of the song by the Police (written by Gordon Sumner). It’s not the only one either… there are tons of creepy lyrics that seem fine when sung.

One way or another, I’m gonna find ya
I’m gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya
One way or another, I’m gonna win ya
I’m gonna get ya, get ya, get ya, get ya

Yikes, Blondie, take a chill pill! And how about this lovely ballad?

There is a rose in Spanish Harlem
A red rose up in Spanish Harlem
With eyes as black as coal
That looks down in my soul
And starts a fire there and then I lose control
I have to beg your pardon
I’m going to pick that rose
And watch her as she grows in my garden

Get a restraining order stat! Those lines do not sound romantic when read as text. They are scary, right? Dang, I’ve always loved that song (written by Jerry Leiber and Phil Spector). Let’s go with Rod Stewart for the grand finale.

You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul
You’ll be my breath should I grow old
You are my lover, you’re my best friend
You’re in my soul

Think that’s over the top too? Nah, it’s just about football (soccer). 🤣🤣🤣

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Pexels.

Memorial Day Sharing

Melanie asks some topical questions for today’s SYW…

1. In your opinion, does patriotism require the belief that one’s country is the greatest on earth?

Absolutely not. That’s jingoism. Patriotism is supporting your country to help all of its citizens live good lives with quality education, healthcare, and employment opportunities. It also means helping to protect your country’s natural resources and wildlife. You can love something without denigrating everything else. You can also love something despite its flaws, while hoping they will be repaired.

2. Why is patriotism considered by some to be the highest of virtues? What is so important about love of country? Shouldn’t we be more concerned about humankind, or the planet as a whole, rather than a single country?

I don’t know why some people think that. I’m not gonna get into the weeds with a big lecture on what other people should do. Personally, my values are to first support my family and myself, pay my bills, take care of my pets, and just generally not be a jerk or a burden to others.

3. What is the relationship between decisions and consequences?

It depends on the context. Bad decisions often have bad consequences, but good decisions don’t always show good results, at least not immediately. For example, I could spend the weekend overeating and see an immediate gain of three pounds on my scale, plus feel bloated and gross on Tuesday. Bad decision = bad result. But I might spend the weekend eating only nutritious foods and taking walks, yet three days later nothing changes because good results take so long to show up. Bleh!

4. What is social justice?

Well, my knee-jerk response was to say that this is a term used on social media to mock people who earnestly stand up for things such as gay rights by calling out those who violate the earnest peeps’ principles. But apparently there is an actual definition, or a few variations thereof, which is the movement toward a society where the distribution of resources is more equitable and all people have the the right to live in physical and psychological safety. Sounds nice, in theory…

5. What’s one body part you wouldn’t mind losing? (told you.  Silly).

I don’t need my uterus any longer, lol…

6. What is something that made you smile during the past week?

Pictures of my adorable granddaughter! 💖

~*~

Images from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF51: Old News

Welcome to Paula’s Friday Flashback! This is a challenge begun by Fandango and it’s fun to see what we posted back when (as well as the comments). The post below is a reblog of a post I made exactly 9 years ago.

[Btw, I tried the horrid block editor for this post, from my laptop, and it was a complete fail. I couldn’t even find the button to copy a previous post, which is how I like to do these repeating posts from week to week. Gah! I immediately switched back to Classic Coke.]

On Journalism

There are many things I don’t understand and the following is a good example.

Last week it was widely reported that the actor Jeff Conaway had OD’d and was in a coma/near death. As it turns out, he has pneumonia and was put in an induced coma as part of his treatment. Why the rush to report Jeff had OD’d? Who knows. Why not an “alleged” or an “apparent” OD? Idk.

Today it’s widely reported that the songwriter Joseph Brooks has apparently committed suicide, as he was found with his head wrapped in a plastic bag, which was attached to a helium tank. This is not evidence enough yet for journalists to declare a suicide, only an apparent one, because we wouldn’t want to rush to judgment … perhaps Joseph was cleverly murdered, right?

Maybe I just expect too much consistency in life. That could be it. P, not-P, what’s the difference, really. Do you know that Golden Spoon has a cupcake flavor now? Well, they do! 🙂

/end reblog

~*~

Image from Pexels.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.