One of the things that motivated me to both begin this #PoiMe idea and also quit doing so many prompts was the Flashback Friday. Please bear with me through the tangle of thoughts here…
So, when I look for my FF post I generally find a book or movie review, a Wordless Wednesday, or someone else’s poetry (I was big on quoting back in the day). Why is this the case when my blog is so old? Well, I’ll tell you! It’s because I periodically hosed a ton of posts. Usually I did this because I was once again attempting to find the love of my life on a dating site. I didn’t want new men to visit and read all my bitching about men on dating sites, so I kept erasing my footsteps. Unfortunately, some of those posts were very funny and would have made good FF’s. Too bad. 😔
But the point is, my blog had become a bit sterile and structured. Old boring posts. Huge gaps in posting due to hosing. New posts mainly in response to other people’s prompts. Where was my very own stuff? There didn’t seem to be that much of it, and that bugged me. Yes, a poem or a piece of flash fiction is still “mine” even if I wrote it in reply to a prompt ~ and I’m pleased with some of those results. But to me, my blog should still have a sizable amount of my own jabbering straight from my own mind.
There hasn’t been much in my life that I can call mine without someone else telling me what to do, how to do it, and when. I realize that’s the case for most people, so I’m nobody special. But I do have writing. It’s the one thing. And for a while I was hoping to hand that over to someone else too, in exchange for major coin… in fact, I wanted this so badly I would have done anything… I do mean anything to achieve it. (Almost anything.)
But it didn’t happen. I changed the way I wrote in hopes of pleasing people who might pay me for it, but that didn’t help. I wrote totally different things, but nope. Nothing. Some near-bites and a couple bucks, but… nothing. Finally, I gave up and self-published. The beautiful thing about this path is that there’s no one telling me what to write and how many words, where to break chapters, that my characters are too much this or too little that, et cetera. I do what I want! 😈
Why then should my blog be kneecapped by prompts? It was entirely my own fault that I pressured myself to feel I needed to reply to so many. Whenever I felt like “just writing,” I thought mm can’t cuz I have all those prompts saved to do. Even at this very moment, I can’t escape the teensy dart of guilt for not writing about Fandango’s spaceship and instead blabbering on here.
But dangit I am determined to pointlessly meander now, at random times, when the mood strikes… 🦋
Image originally from Pixabay.
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