“You’re such a mouse,” Rhonda snapped at her husband. “I’m disgusted with your milquetoastattitude.”
Ricky blew out a cloud of smoke and gazed at Rhonda calmly through the haze. “I just don’t want to be part of all the insanity. I thought we could all just chill and enjoy the day.”
Rhonda rolled her eyes. “That’s just great! We had no food yesterdayand today you want to chill. Our kids are hungry, Ricky. Now go downstairs and get us some food!”
“But we’re roof rats, Rhonda,” Ricky reminded her. “That’s not our territory. We should stay up here in the attic where it’s safe. There are cats downstairs.”
There was a sudden commotion behind a box. Bouncer the cat jumped into the middle of the conversation. “Shame about that loose stair, eh?”
“Shame,” Pouncer agreed, following him in. “Now there are cats up here too. Let’s party, bro!”
I have a little blue bear on my desk at work. He’s a Ty beanie baby named America and I bought him when he came out after 9/11, which was shortly after I began working here (I’m writing this Friday lunchtime and will schedule it to post Saturday morning). On the left side of his tag it says that 100% of the profits from the purchase of the bear will go to Red Cross Disaster Relief. On the right side it says: “In memory of those who lost their lives in the national catastrophe that took place on September 11, 2001. We mourn for them and express our deepest sympathy to their families. God Bless America.”
A lot has changed in 18 years. My parents have both passed on. I’m divorced. My two daughters both graduated college and have gotten married. One of them has a baby, which magically makes me a grandma. I’ve moved five times. I had a relationship with a married man for two and a half years. If you believe in “bad karma,” then this gave me mine and I’ve been unable to have a happy/successful romance since. I also had a couple minor car accidents, which were horribly upsetting at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad really.
In these 18 years, I’ve been a flame warrior on Usenet, made enemies and turned them into Facebook “friends,” and since I quit FB most of them have forgotten my existence again. Perhaps that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Friendster and Twitter and Snapchat and G+ and other “social sites” too dark and dirty to mention here. I’ve experimented with different lifestyles to see if they were for me (no), and they’ve greatly enriched my fiction and poetry writing.
I’ve written a lot during these years. So so much. Poetry, novels, short stories. Zillions of blog posts and tweets. Loads of emails and texts. Have had interesting text chats with many men that I thought might “go somewhere,” but they didn’t and here I am alone, which isn’t a bad thing after all. I’m not sure anyone could really put up with me now… and vice versa.
I find that as I trudge toward my seventh decade I’m more or less the same person I was at age 14. I like to read romance novels and write poetry. I love games and puzzles, kittens and puppies, cookies and pizza. I’m not a sophisticated adult type person with advanced tastes in wine and music. Give me rock & roll and mac & cheese, woo! I’m a homebody and enjoy simple comforts. A hot shower is bliss. As I age, I’ve learned that I get more easily stressed out by other people, so I have to limit my interactions with them.
But through all this, I’ve had a good job, where I’ve been treated well. And every work day, little blue bear has been there to greet me, no matter what else is going on. I am grateful/thankful for my job and for my side work too… and for my book sales even though I wish there were more. (I’ll keep writing regardless.) When I began this post, I assumed at some point I’d say something political, but really there’s no need.❤️🧁💙
Beckie @ Beckie’s Mental Mess has a wonderful continuing series on various mental/emotional issues, and this week her focus is on introversion, a topic I apparently suggested (not that I have any memory of doing so). Soon, she’ll tackle amnesia, I hope! 😂
I’m going to answer the prompt questions that Beckie posted.
1. Are you more Isolated or Introverted?
I’m an introvert. I prefer to be alone or in small groups of close friends/family where we can have meaningful conversation. I also enjoy lots of online interaction. But I’m not isolated ~ most days I interact a little with actual people face to face and that’s fine.
2. Do you feel that there is a difference between the two?
Absolutely. You can be an introvert in the middle of a city, preferring not to talk to others while surrounded by people; while another person might be isolated due to circumstances, but not be introverted and love big parties.
3. What are the causes of being Isolated or Introverted?
Isolated can be by choice or circumstances. Introversion/extroversion traits are hardwired. I have always been exactly how I am.
4. Does your family/friends/co-workers question your behavior when you crave alone time and/or do not want to be bothered?
They don’t generally get fussed about my need for alone time. Some people have a bit of trouble understanding why I don’t wish to attend massive gatherings. A dozen or so people in a room is about the extent of my comfort level. More than that increases the noise to a point where the sound is just a wall crushing my head. There’s no way to have a real conversation either and I can’t stand nodding and smiling at BS.
I’m not talking about big open spaces like fairs or even restaurants that are designed for a lot of people. I’m talking about large social events where people are mashed together in rooms to be with each other. I just hate that. Why would I choose to go to such a thing when I could stay home with my boo kitty?🐱
5. Have you spoken to a therapist/psychiatrist in regards to being Isolated/Introverted?
No. Why would I? I’m fine!
6. What is a normal day being in your shoes?
I commute to work alone in my car to a small office where there is a moderate amount of talking, depending on the day and what needs to be done. Some days I’ll have a phone chat with one or both of my daughters for 20 minutes or so. Generally, I don’t socialize much with friends during the workweek. At night, I’ll do extra work, read, blog, etc.
7. If you were ever asked to go to dinner/party, would you go? If not, what kind of excuses have you made up to get out of going?
Most weekends I do some sort of social thing that includes dinner, usually a potluck, followed by board games. But it’s with a reasonable number of people, like 10, not 100. Sometimes I’ll go to lunch with one friend, or to the movies with a few, or drive up to Los Angeles to hang with my family and whoever else might be at their place. I am not opposed to people! But they do need to be rationed, like cookies. Too many at once and I’ll just barf.🤮
“How much control do you believe you have over your own life?”
Not much!
Now, that might strike some as a strange response, given that I’m sort of a control freak, but I think some of us CF types are that way precisely as a reaction to how little control we actually do have.
I mean, there’s really nothing I can do about so many things. Natural disasters come when they will, and sure I can have some bottled water and flashlights on hand, but I doubt those will help me in a real crisis. I don’t have the resources to create an underground bunker, assuming you can get to one in time and can last out whatever thing. What do you do in said bunker if you have a heart attack and need a doctor? Do you kidnap one and bring him with you just in case? How about surgery and meds?
Unnatural disasters are pretty much the same thing. I drive defensively, but there’s always some idiot blasting out of nowhere ~ and indeed one hit me and sped off three years ago. You try to plan for the “black swan,” but the one that appears is often not the one you modeled. I stay home a lot to avoid people and accidents, but a while back I fell in my bathroom and cracked my head on the tub.
Shit happens, and it keeps coming. I was contentedly living in my cozy apartment when the owner decided to switch things up, brought in a management company, and raised the rent 25%. Nothing I could do. Moving is expensive; housing in SoCal is insane. Leaving the area for a cheaper one… and hope to get a new job in my late 50s? Umm. I do feel trapped like a mouse.
How do I cope? Obsessively arrange my paper clips and shoes. Make sure all my socks are folded the same way. Keep items at right angles. Create lots of lists so I can cross things off. This all gives me the illusion of control in a chaotic world. But I know nothing is really in my control and that sucks.
Maybe it’s my tinnitus, or just aging in general, but I’m finding it so lovely to be in silent spaces. My office is usually pretty quiet and I appreciate that. I don’t always play music in the car; sometimes it’s nice not to. I enjoy a white noise fan at home, and I don’t need background music or the din of TV voices to lull me into believing I have company. I’m very grateful for peace and silence.
My goodness! Rory has outdone himself with a kabillion and one questions about holiday plans as if he means to become a travel agent or summat. Here we go then.
The Topic Today Is – Staycation, Vacation or Excavation?
What was the last holiday you took away from where you live?
– What do you mean what? I went to my daughter’s wedding celebration up norf.
Where did you go?
– NORF! It’s that way ^^^.
For you when is the best time to take a vacation [Holiday] as in which season, and why?
– Mrf? That’s a lot of things in one. The best time to go is when someone spots me their flyer miles which is why I’m going norf again this fall (it’s still that way ^^^).
Provide five links or titles [your choice] of the best comedy holiday films you have seen to date?
– Eh? So much work.
1. My Life in Ruins. Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a travel guide in… guess where?
2. We’re the Millers. Sort of a “holiday” for a group of weirdos.
3. What’s Up Doc? Hilarious movie with some characters on holiday colliding with others on biz.
4. Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates. Dumb but funny.
5. Dirty Dancing. Okay, so it’s not a comedy, but I love it.
Did you overspend or underspend to your allocated budget for the vacation that you took?
– I spent the right amount.
Have you ever fallen unwell, experience jelly belly or worse on a holiday and what happened?
– Only briefly, probably from spoiled food. Nothing happened… just took it easy for a few hours.
Are you a mankini/bikini/teenykini or nokini holidayer/vacationer?
– I have modest swimsuits.
Last time you went potholing/skydiving/parachuting/dolphin or shark swimming and if none of those, when was the last time you swam in the deep blue?
– Stuck my toes in the Pacific a few years ago. I’m not a strong swimmer, so I don’t go in all the way.
How long do you normally vacation away?
– A couple days. I don’t like to leave Gatsby.
Please provide three musical tracks/song titles that make you feel in the vacation spirit?
Please display five images of the top archaelogical ruins you would love to visit or have visited and please define which they are [as in visited/love to visit].
– Would love to visit this old thing…
If you are a staycationer, what do you tend to do when at home on your holiday/vacation break that is different to the normal routine?
– Nothing.
Last time you were seriously sunburnt was?
– Over 20 years ago.
Do you speak any languages if so which and how fluent are you?
– None, zero, meow.
When on holiday or vacation are you the same as when at home behaviour wise or are you a complete party animal?
– Same.
Have you when away ever upset the locals to the point that the law had to be brought in?
– Who told you?! I mean no. Of course not. Don’t be absurd.
Provide three images to the worst souvenirs you have ever purchased thinking they were fanbloodytastic when you bought them?
– I haven’t bought dumb things. Oh, that’s not true. In Florida when I was 13 I bought a plastic alligator from a vending machine. All gone now.
What is your preference, solo/group/duo or family holiday/vacation time away?
– Family.
Please name five places you have never seen that you would love to visit?
– Boston, Maine, England, Scotland, Ireland.
Why do you want to go there?
1. Boston = lobster roll.
2. Maine = Stephen King story settings.
3. England = old crumbly things.
4. Scotland = shortbread.
5. Ireland = supposed to be pretty.
Come on fess up, l’ll not tell a soul, but have you ever seriously embarassed yourself or been embarassed by another when on holiday/vacation so badly that you wanted to excavate yourself right there and then?
– Er no.
I realize this post makes me sound like the most boring of boring borings and I’m okay with that. Everyone else can sound exciting in comparison. I’m setting the curve. You’re welcome!
I’m really discouraged right now. After a great weekend with my family mid-July, everything seems to be falling apart.
First, I got socked with the most outrageous rent increase. Yes, I’ve been overdue for one, but it’s not my fault they were behind. I still like my apartment, but now I have to worry about the next increase, and the one after that. At a certain point, I’ll have to leave. 😢
Second, I returned from my NorCal trip with some sort of virus I’ve been unable to shake. I thought it was gone, but I woke up with a sore throat again today. 😷
Third, I smashed my toe into the metal wheel of my bed Sunday night, and while I don’t think it’s broken, my whole foot is bruised and aching. It’s slowly improving since Monday, when I could hardly walk, but who needs this? I have enough excuses not to exercise already. 😨
Fourth, I thought I would promote some of my writing by turning my books into audio, but it’s the most grueling process and takes forever. The first book I submitted is only 36 pages and we began in June. It’s still not done! I approved the completed narration, but it was rejected by ACX for having some “noise” issue. Idk what. It sounds perfect to me. The second book is still in production and I have to listen to all 200 pages when she’s done, ack. The third one has just begun ~ another shortie, but I expect it at Christmas. Plus, I love this narrator and already screwed up a communication with her. I hope she doesn’t dump me. 🙁
Fifth, this fucking fuckery of that asshole site which is stealing all our posts is just making me so mad I can’t even. I sent the DMCA request to GoDaddy last night and it’s been rejected because apparently the assholes do not use GoDaddy to host. I just sent a new request to their server DigitalOcean.com, and I had to give them all my contact info. Who are these people? Idk! They could be self-hosted, in which case they will just tear up my notice like Queen Cersei. 😡
Anyway. It’s mostly the SOS. I spend so much time on my writing… writing, blogging, blogging about writing, writing about blogging, talking and texting about writing and blogging and poetry, making lists of what I’ve written and what to write next… and now my time is sucked up by this audiobook BS.
And you know what urgent message ACX has the goddamn nerve to send me? “We need to confirm your tax and bank account information.” Right! Because I’ve already made piles and piles of money there just like I have with my Kindle books and naturally Uncle Sam wants his cut! Sure, I’d be happy to give Uncle…
Oh wait. I’ve made nothing! How about you people approve my first book so it can go on the shelf? Then maybe I can make some money to share with Uncle! How about that?!? Hopefully it will be more than the eleven fucking dollars I made last year at Amazon. Yes, eleven.
Don’t worry. I shared with Uncle. 🙄
Can’t wait for that stupid asshole site to steal this post. Hey jerks! 😛😛😛
The sunny Sadje has nominated me for a Sunshine Award. Thank you!
I’m going to answer Sadje’s questions and stop there. No additional questions or tags from me. But I’m sure Sadje would not object if you wished to copypasta her questions and have a go at them too. Okay!
1.Who is your hero/ role model?
My children are pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself. Hardworking, kind, loving, and smart ~ why shouldn’t I admire them? My finest creations. I also admire RGB and Jennifer Crusie.
2. If today was the first time that you have seen a rainbow, describe your emotions.
Ooh pretty! Let’s put that on a cake! 🌈
3. What is the most commonly used object in your home?
Gatsby is home more than I am, so let’s ask him… he says he watches kitty purrn on my laptop all day.
4. What is one thing that you cannot leave your house without?
Keys.
5. What sort of music you like to listen to?
Rock & pop oldies. 🎶
6. If you had a chance to start a new blog where all your followers were guaranteed to follow you, will you do it?
Why not just stay here with them?
7. What is more important in life: having health or money?
Everyone is going to say health, but at a certain level of poverty, health and money become much more entangled. How are you supposed to be healthy if you are too poor to obtain clean water and decent food?
8. Would you stop your car for a lone hitch hacker?
Maybe… if he looked like Brad Pitt.
9. If egg yolk was black instead of yellow, would you still eat it?
That makes it sound like it’s full of blood, which is totally gross. So, no. 🤮
10. What is in your pocket?
I don’t have any pockets.
11. Which planet in our solar system is most likely to support life, other than Earth?
Last night I was relaxing on the sofa, reading and trying not to spill my iced tea, as my cat lounged on the floor. I stretched out my legs, at which point I inadvertently touched Gatsby’s tail with my foot. I immediately apologized as he turned and glared at me.
2. The apology tour.
Gatsby continued to glare at me, which led me to believe my apology was insufficient. So, I put down my tea and picked him up for cuddles. It was hot, and for a while he simply lay on my lap seemingly accepting my loving pets as silent penance for the Foot Tail Incident.
3. Escalation of hostilities.
After a few minutes, Gatsby lifted his head slightly and bit my arm twice, sort of like gnaws. I took this low-level sniping as a chance to assure him that it was totally fine for him to retaliate for the FTI, and I accepted the bites as my punishment. He altered his position and bit me sharply as if to say, yes, the FTI does merit this and more. Then he did a very scary thing: he went into crouch attack mode, his golden laser eyes focused on my face!
“Gatsby,” I said (with my hand on his back smushing him down), “you have just bitten my arm three times. I think that is enough retaliation for my one touch of your tail with my foot. You got me three to one! You win! Yayyy Gatsby! There is no need to launch yourself into a furmissile now. We can both relax again and be friends. Why not go look out the window or have a snack or go snooze on the bed?”
I thought this was a very articulate and logical speech. I had complimented and congratulated my enemy. I had not criticized him for possibly overreacting to the FTI. I suggested options for his next actions that might be enjoyable. But do you know what he did?
He ignored me! My negotiations had been countered with rejection!
5. All-out war.
The instant I removed my hand from his back, Gatsby launched at my face and I blocked him. I had to push him on the floor like a b*tch playing Twitch (whatever that is). Then I grabbed my squirt bottle of mass destruction and got him as he ran behind the sofa! He hid in his kitty condo to reconnoiter while I went to the bathroom.
When I came out, I resumed my original place on the sofa and Gatsby flopped down on the floor in the same spot where the FTI had occurred earlier. He had apparently forgotten that I was his nemesis. Whew!
I used to have a big house with lots of walls. That worked out well because I was always doing needlework pictures and I liked to frame them. Unlike a photo or flat poster, a lumpy cloth design can’t just be plopped into a ready-made frame from Target. There is a chain of DIY framing places called The Great Frame Up, and that’s where I used to go. These places are awesome, although not cheap, and have experts who help you choose mats and frames for your art. Then when the supplies are ready, you return and put everything together ~ they will help as much as you need.
But since my flurry of framing days, I’ve downsized several times and have had to get rid of lots of my pictures. I’ve kept my favorites and it makes me happy to look at them. Luckily, I’m no longer interested in doing needlework, so there won’t be sad projects languishing frameless in closets. I did attempt to restart my old hobby a few times, but this was one of the rare areas in which I have changed. I simply don’t enjoy stitchery now; it’s tedious and boring. I’d much rather read or write, or even chill and watch a movie without distraction.
Oddly, doing this particular repetitive task makes me more anxious now, not less. Used to be the opposite and zoning out with a pile of yarn was relaxing. It’s probably the internet ~ if the internet disappeared and I couldn’t keep checking it or ever think about all the news and blogs and stuff out there, I could shrink my focus down to a 14×14″ square of fabric night after night until a magical scene appeared.
