Trippy Dippy Do

My goodness! Rory has outdone himself with a kabillion and one questions about holiday plans as if he means to become a travel agent or summat. Here we go then.

The Topic Today Is – Staycation, Vacation or Excavation?

What was the last holiday you took away from where you live?

– What do you mean what? I went to my daughter’s wedding celebration up norf.

Where did you go?

– NORF! It’s that way ^^^.

For you when is the best time to take a vacation [Holiday] as in which season, and why?

– Mrf? That’s a lot of things in one. The best time to go is when someone spots me their flyer miles which is why I’m going norf again this fall (it’s still that way ^^^).

Provide five links or titles [your choice] of the best comedy holiday films you have seen to date?

– Eh? So much work.

1. My Life in Ruins. Nia Vardalos from My Big Fat Greek Wedding is a travel guide in… guess where?

2. We’re the Millers. Sort of a “holiday” for a group of weirdos.

3. What’s Up Doc? Hilarious movie with some characters on holiday colliding with others on biz.

4. Mike & Dave Need Wedding Dates. Dumb but funny.

5. Dirty Dancing. Okay, so it’s not a comedy, but I love it.

Did you overspend or underspend to your allocated budget for the vacation that you took?

– I spent the right amount.

Have you ever fallen unwell, experience jelly belly or worse on a holiday and what happened?

– Only briefly, probably from spoiled food. Nothing happened… just took it easy for a few hours.

Are you a mankini/bikini/teenykini or nokini holidayer/vacationer?

– I have modest swimsuits.

Last time you went potholing/skydiving/parachuting/dolphin or shark swimming and if none of those, when was the last time you swam in the deep blue?

– Stuck my toes in the Pacific a few years ago. I’m not a strong swimmer, so I don’t go in all the way.

How long do you normally vacation away?

– A couple days. I don’t like to leave Gatsby.

Please provide three musical tracks/song titles that make you feel in the vacation spirit?

Please display five images of the top archaelogical ruins you would love to visit or have visited and please define which they are [as in visited/love to visit].

– Would love to visit this old thing…

If you are a staycationer, what do you tend to do when at home on your holiday/vacation break that is different to the normal routine?

– Nothing.

Last time you were seriously sunburnt was?

– Over 20 years ago.

Do you speak any languages if so which and how fluent are you?

– None, zero, meow.

When on holiday or vacation are you the same as when at home behaviour wise or are you a complete party animal?

– Same.

Have you when away ever upset the locals to the point that the law had to be brought in?

– Who told you?! I mean no. Of course not. Don’t be absurd.

Provide three images to the worst souvenirs you have ever purchased thinking they were fanbloodytastic when you bought them?

– I haven’t bought dumb things. Oh, that’s not true. In Florida when I was 13 I bought a plastic alligator from a vending machine. All gone now.

What is your preference, solo/group/duo or family holiday/vacation time away?

– Family.

Please name five places you have never seen that you would love to visit?

– Boston, Maine, England, Scotland, Ireland.

Why do you want to go there?

1. Boston = lobster roll.

2. Maine = Stephen King story settings.

3. England = old crumbly things.

4. Scotland = shortbread.

5. Ireland = supposed to be pretty.

Come on fess up, l’ll not tell a soul, but have you ever seriously embarassed yourself or been embarassed by another when on holiday/vacation so badly that you wanted to excavate yourself right there and then?

– Er no.

I realize this post makes me sound like the most boring of boring borings and I’m okay with that. Everyone else can sound exciting in comparison. I’m setting the curve. You’re welcome!

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Happy August

I’m really discouraged right now. After a great weekend with my family mid-July, everything seems to be falling apart.

First, I got socked with the most outrageous rent increase. Yes, I’ve been overdue for one, but it’s not my fault they were behind. I still like my apartment, but now I have to worry about the next increase, and the one after that. At a certain point, I’ll have to leave. 😢

Second, I returned from my NorCal trip with some sort of virus I’ve been unable to shake. I thought it was gone, but I woke up with a sore throat again today. 😷

Third, I smashed my toe into the metal wheel of my bed Sunday night, and while I don’t think it’s broken, my whole foot is bruised and aching. It’s slowly improving since Monday, when I could hardly walk, but who needs this? I have enough excuses not to exercise already. 😨

Fourth, I thought I would promote some of my writing by turning my books into audio, but it’s the most grueling process and takes forever. The first book I submitted is only 36 pages and we began in June. It’s still not done! I approved the completed narration, but it was rejected by ACX for having some “noise” issue. Idk what. It sounds perfect to me. The second book is still in production and I have to listen to all 200 pages when she’s done, ack. The third one has just begun ~ another shortie, but I expect it at Christmas. Plus, I love this narrator and already screwed up a communication with her. I hope she doesn’t dump me. 🙁

Fifth, this fucking fuckery of that asshole site which is stealing all our posts is just making me so mad I can’t even. I sent the DMCA request to GoDaddy last night and it’s been rejected because apparently the assholes do not use GoDaddy to host. I just sent a new request to their server DigitalOcean.com, and I had to give them all my contact info. Who are these people? Idk! They could be self-hosted, in which case they will just tear up my notice like Queen Cersei. 😡

Anyway. It’s mostly the SOS. I spend so much time on my writing… writing, blogging, blogging about writing, writing about blogging, talking and texting about writing and blogging and poetry, making lists of what I’ve written and what to write next… and now my time is sucked up by this audiobook BS.

And you know what urgent message ACX has the goddamn nerve to send me? “We need to confirm your tax and bank account information.” Right! Because I’ve already made piles and piles of money there just like I have with my Kindle books and naturally Uncle Sam wants his cut! Sure, I’d be happy to give Uncle…

Oh wait. I’ve made nothing! How about you people approve my first book so it can go on the shelf? Then maybe I can make some money to share with Uncle! How about that?!? Hopefully it will be more than the eleven fucking dollars I made last year at Amazon. Yes, eleven.

Don’t worry. I shared with Uncle. 🙄

Can’t wait for that stupid asshole site to steal this post. Hey jerks! 😛😛😛

Sunny Side Nom

The sunny Sadje has nominated me for a Sunshine Award. Thank you!

I’m going to answer Sadje’s questions and stop there. No additional questions or tags from me. But I’m sure Sadje would not object if you wished to copypasta her questions and have a go at them too. Okay!

1.Who is your hero/ role model?

My children are pretty darn awesome, if I do say so myself. Hardworking, kind, loving, and smart ~ why shouldn’t I admire them? My finest creations. I also admire RGB and Jennifer Crusie.

2. If today was the first time that you have seen a rainbow, describe your emotions.

Ooh pretty! Let’s put that on a cake! 🌈

3. What is the most commonly used object in your home?

Gatsby is home more than I am, so let’s ask him… he says he watches kitty purrn on my laptop all day.

4. What is one thing that you cannot leave your house without?

Keys.

5. What sort of music you like to listen to?

Rock & pop oldies. 🎶

6. If you had a chance to start a new blog where all your followers were guaranteed to follow you, will you do it?

Why not just stay here with them?

7. What is more important in life: having health or money?

Everyone is going to say health, but at a certain level of poverty, health and money become much more entangled. How are you supposed to be healthy if you are too poor to obtain clean water and decent food?

8. Would you stop your car for a lone hitch hacker?

Maybe… if he looked like Brad Pitt.

9. If egg yolk was black instead of yellow, would you still eat it?

That makes it sound like it’s full of blood, which is totally gross. So, no. 🤮

10. What is in your pocket?

I don’t have any pockets.

11. Which planet in our solar system is most likely to support life, other than Earth?

Mars, I guess. 👽

Life with Gatsby

1. Setting the scene.

Last night I was relaxing on the sofa, reading and trying not to spill my iced tea, as my cat lounged on the floor. I stretched out my legs, at which point I inadvertently touched Gatsby’s tail with my foot. I immediately apologized as he turned and glared at me.

2. The apology tour.

Gatsby continued to glare at me, which led me to believe my apology was insufficient. So, I put down my tea and picked him up for cuddles. It was hot, and for a while he simply lay on my lap seemingly accepting my loving pets as silent penance for the Foot Tail Incident.

3. Escalation of hostilities.

After a few minutes, Gatsby lifted his head slightly and bit my arm twice, sort of like gnaws. I took this low-level sniping as a chance to assure him that it was totally fine for him to retaliate for the FTI, and I accepted the bites as my punishment. He altered his position and bit me sharply as if to say, yes, the FTI does merit this and more. Then he did a very scary thing: he went into crouch attack mode, his golden laser eyes focused on my face!

4. The negotiations begin.

“Gatsby,” I said (with my hand on his back smushing him down), “you have just bitten my arm three times. I think that is enough retaliation for my one touch of your tail with my foot. You got me three to one! You win! Yayyy Gatsby! There is no need to launch yourself into a furmissile now. We can both relax again and be friends. Why not go look out the window or have a snack or go snooze on the bed?”

I thought this was a very articulate and logical speech. I had complimented and congratulated my enemy. I had not criticized him for possibly overreacting to the FTI. I suggested options for his next actions that might be enjoyable. But do you know what he did?

He ignored me! My negotiations had been countered with rejection!

5. All-out war.

The instant I removed my hand from his back, Gatsby launched at my face and I blocked him. I had to push him on the floor like a b*tch playing Twitch (whatever that is). Then I grabbed my squirt bottle of mass destruction and got him as he ran behind the sofa! He hid in his kitty condo to reconnoiter while I went to the bathroom.

When I came out, I resumed my original place on the sofa and Gatsby flopped down on the floor in the same spot where the FTI had occurred earlier. He had apparently forgotten that I was his nemesis. Whew!

Just another Friday night at Castle G. 🐱💖

I Was Framed

I used to have a big house with lots of walls. That worked out well because I was always doing needlework pictures and I liked to frame them. Unlike a photo or flat poster, a lumpy cloth design can’t just be plopped into a ready-made frame from Target. There is a chain of DIY framing places called The Great Frame Up, and that’s where I used to go. These places are awesome, although not cheap, and have experts who help you choose mats and frames for your art. Then when the supplies are ready, you return and put everything together ~ they will help as much as you need.

But since my flurry of framing days, I’ve downsized several times and have had to get rid of lots of my pictures. I’ve kept my favorites and it makes me happy to look at them. Luckily, I’m no longer interested in doing needlework, so there won’t be sad projects languishing frameless in closets. I did attempt to restart my old hobby a few times, but this was one of the rare areas in which I have changed. I simply don’t enjoy stitchery now; it’s tedious and boring. I’d much rather read or write, or even chill and watch a movie without distraction.

Oddly, doing this particular repetitive task makes me more anxious now, not less. Used to be the opposite and zoning out with a pile of yarn was relaxing. It’s probably the internet ~ if the internet disappeared and I couldn’t keep checking it or ever think about all the news and blogs and stuff out there, I could shrink my focus down to a 14×14″ square of fabric night after night until a magical scene appeared.

But there would still remain the cost of framing.

Every Day is Friyay

When you’re the King of the Castle!

Gatsby here. Like my new pic? It’s properly regal, I thought, except for the campy toy that Mommy insisted on plopping near my face.

She says it’s my first toy, one they sent home with me from the shelter. Mommy just found it in the bottom of a basket and gets sentimental over things like this, but I’m a rebel and will claw it up same as all the other toys. Equality!

Seems like an eternity since I last blogged, but ’twas only Sunday. Busy busy. Must go prowl about and see if anything needs to be killed. Bye for meow! 🐱

Happy 4th! (with bonus rant)

My latest discovery, which I will share, is that everything is ridiculously complicated and costs too damn much.

In my youth, life was simple (although frequently unhappy). My mom did many things herself, but now these projects are out of reach. Take knitting and crocheting and sewing, forex. Loading up on the supplies costs a fortune and the patterns are complicated, wah. Don’t even get me started on scrapbooking (again) or making bead jewelry. Soooo costly! Plus, in my case, I’d have to take classes first, for jewelry, sewing, cooking, etc. I’m not one who can watch a video for twenty minutes and then go mmhmm now I see how to construct a tiny house, easy peasy!

I remember we usually had an aquarium going on. My mom dealt with it, but it could not have been outrageously expensive because we weren’t wealthy and we lived in small apartments for many years. The aquariums were really pretty, but the fish died often, and we were always traipsing off to the pet store for little baggies of new ones. I bet now though aquariums are just another one of those crazy costly and super complex hobbity bobbity things.

I liked watching the bright little neons dart through the water after their specks of food. We had graceful black and white stripey fish and some goldfish varieties too. A few catfish at the bottom keeping things clean. Mom always indulged me and got a teeny pirate treasure chest for decoration in the sand. Haven’t thought about our aquariums for years…

Ah yes, the sands of time, rushing so fast through the hourglass now, piling up at the bottom, waiting to meet that last big wave that will wash them out to the eternal ocean and then… and then what?

Nothing.

*

You know, I feel I’m pretty chill with anyone who comments here unless they’re an obvious spammer or troll. If you’re of a different political persuasion, cool, just keep it civil and don’t insult other peeps or me. I have accepted loads of criticism and disagreements over the years. Don’t mind it at all, and I particularly welcome any comments on my poetry and fiction. I am not thrilled with advice I haven’t solicited, especially about health, but whatever.

But that’s not the case elsewhere. Some bloggers don’t want any disagreement or difference of opinion. I’ve noticed I will be condescended to or explained at if I dare to express a thought contrary to the OP’s. That is unpleasant, FYI, and I will not be visiting these blogs much or at all in the future.

YHBW. 🙂

Have a great weekend! ☄️💥🔥

Sunday Morning Cat

Hi, it’s me Gatsby. Mommy is busy, so she said I have to answer these questions from Fandango even though I was taking a nap in the closet.

1. Do you like blue cheese? 

Sure, give me a chunk and I’ll bat it under the fridge.

2. Coke or Pepsi? 

No thanks. Water is my bev. 💦

3. Do you own a gun? 

My claws and teeth are enough. 😺

4. What flavor of Kool-aid? 

Gross!

5. Hot dogs? 

Dogs are dumb, whether hot or cold. 🐶

6. Favorite TV show? 

I prefer silence so I can hear any bug that needs killing. 🕷

7. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Of course. I usually chat with them around 2AM. 👻

8. What do you drink in the morning?

Water. 💦

9. Can you do a push-up? A single push up?

I can do lots of push-ups and all sorts of athletic maneuvers. I’m in great shape!

10. Favorite Jewelry? 

All of it. Leave it out at your peril. 😺

11. Favorite Hobby? 

Napping. 💤

12. Do you have ADD? 

Well, I can stay very focused on one spot for a very long time unless… BUG! String! Someone touched my tail!

13. Do you wear glasses? 

No, but I’m happy to take yours. 😎

14. Favorite cartoon character? 

Felix the Cat.

15. Three things you did today?

Ate a crunchy, snuggled with Mommy, went back to sleep. 💤

16. Three drinks you drink regularly? 

Water x 3. 💦

17. Current movies? 

Mommy saw Yesterday yesterday and loved it. 🎶

18. Do you believe in magic? 

Kitties are magical! 💖

19. Favorite place to be? 

At home.

20. How did you ring in the New Year?

Probably napping. 💤

21. Travel? Where would you go? 

I don’t like to go anywhere and neither does Mommy.

22. Name five people who will most likely read this? 

Mommy, Fandango, Keera, Sadje, Jim.

23. Favorite movie? 

Silent ones.

24. Favorite color?

I don’t see colors.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

They don’t sound cozy, but I could claw them up, which would be fun. 😺

26. Can you whistle? 

No, but I can howl like a wolf. 🐺

27. Where are you now?

Home.

29. Favorite food? 

Chicken crunchies.

30. Least favorite chore? 

I beg your pardon. 👑

31. Best job you can think of? 

Napping. Killing bugs. Yelling at birds who dare come near my window.

32. What’s in your pockets? 

You mean the big pocket under the sofa? Pens that Rawry sent. Chapstick. Empty toilet paper holders. My fluffy toys.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? 

I’m happy when Mommy plays with me.

34. Favorite animal? 

Mommy. 💖

35. What’s your most recent injury? 

Mommy keeps me safe, so I never have any.

36. How many TV’s are in your house? 

One.

37. Worst pain ever? 

When my food bowl was 3/4 empty. 😱

38. Do you like to dance? 

Sure! I have mad moves to my own music.

39. Are your parents still alive?

I don’t know.

40. Do you enjoy camping? 

I’m not allowed in the grass. 🙄

Jungle [flash 99]

She painted her house all the joy she’d been denied. Fresh dripping sugar mango walls. Bright glittering turquoise waves across the floor. The ceiling turned into pink puffs of cotton candy for she’d never been to a fair. Why shouldn’t her bed be covered in soft flowers? Tulips were her favorite, purple velvety tulips. There needed to be green! The bathroom was green, like a jungle, twisting vines and lush leaves everywhere.

“Wonderful, Jillian!” the Director exclaimed. “It’s time to put our paints away now and have dinner. Tomorrow we can paint again.”

But Jillian was finished with painting.

~*~

Carrot Ranch Flash Fiction

In Other Words, annoyed…

After parking in my assigned space for six years, I came home last Friday to find it occupied by a strange white Subaru.

I was extremely annoyed, enraged actually, and had nowhere else to park in this overcrowded vehicular zoo.

All weekend I fussed and stressed, took photos, and carried on to friends and fam, like you do.

Monday I confirmed with management that the space is mine mine mine and Subaru can go find a spot in Timbuktu.

Last night he was back, but in a guest spot… I wonder if he will try to take mine once again, do you?

~*~

Prompt from Patricia