FPQ82: Self-Criticism

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you judge yourself by the same standards that you judge others? If not, are you harsher or more lenient on yourself?

My tendency is to be pretty harsh overall, both on myself and others, and I have an ongoing project to be kinder to both. What happens though is that while I may begin with the same standards for myself and others, it’s easier for me to give others a break. I can see why they made poor choices, while it’s really REALLY hard for me to forgive myself for mine. I get so angry when I make typos or forget a word, but I’m okay if others do these things (somewhat). I work to this day to quit beating myself up for my misplaced trust in people and failing to meet the “right” man on a dating site. I’m still mad at myself for not going to a better university when I had the chance (twice!). I wish I were a more talented writer, or that I could be good at something artistic. I feel so… ordinary, but I think it’s fine for others to be ordinary. Maybe that means I’m very egotistical ~ who am I to think I should have a special talent?! I’ll just muddle through life like 99.9% of the rest of people and leave nothing interesting behind. Not that my children aren’t interesting! But you know… they aren’t ME. What have I done? Meh, nothing…

Thanks for this question, Fandango. Now I feel even worse!😜🙃🤣

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit to Fandango

Hostess Postess

Dr. Tanya asks…

What is the value of running writing prompts to your writing in general, and your blog in particular?

I host two prompts: the Monday Peeve and Thursday Inspiration. These prompts don’t do anything to help my writing ~ I continue them because they are fun! 🤩

The Monday Peeve is a feature that people enjoyed on one of my older blogs (gone now), and I decided to try it here. I’m really pleased with all the comments it inspires, plus the several regular participants who peeve on their own blogs. I think it’s my most interactive post, and I like that a lot.

Thursday Inspiration is the opposite really: I don’t get much interaction in comments, though usually it generates a bunch of likes. Some regulars post their take on the theme, and I look forward to reading those. But my main goal of hosting this prompt is pure selfish enjoyment. When I’m working on my Happy Color pictures, thinking of a theme song adds another layer of pleasure to my relaxation. 😍

What I don’t care about are blog traffic stats. Many prompt hosts appear to be motivated by them, but they mean nothing to me since my blog isn’t monetized and I’m too lazy to market my books… the idea being that increased traffic would result in book sales, pffft. I just checked my sales and they are completely flatlined. But I must have sold one a few months ago, since I was notified today about a minuscule payment.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Ready [82 words]

It was nearly dusk and he adorned himself with jewels and feathers. Dancing in front of the mirror, he felt giddy with confidence. Surely they would see him tonight for the king that he was, instead of ignoring him as usual. The colorful accoutrements made him feel regal and powerful, bold enough to take on an army of detractors. Okay then! Onward with his new identity as a conquering lion…

He was ready to read his first poem to a live audience.

~*~

Written for Eugie’s Weekly Prompt.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit – lovethispic.com

Housekeeping Fail

So I haven’t been around blogtown much today. That’s because I’m obsessed with a new task. No, it’s not real work or anything like that. I got the bright idea from another blog to delete all my “unattached” images that were taking up space in the media folder. I love love love deleting things, and this has bugged me for a long time. Yay! Found the place, selected unattached, and POOF all gone.

Well, guess what? Right. It deleted some attached images too. Obviously, I have to go back TEN FREAKING YEARS and fix every post. I mean, what else can I do? There are a ton of issues associated with this fixing…

1. Going back to the beginning and chronologically returning to the present is not easy. After a while, WordPress figures eh enough time spent in the past… I’ll just refresh now and pop her up to today. This puts me in such a rage I can’t even. I’ve also tried starting from today and going back, but the same thing happens. Pop!
2. When I began this blog, I had like 10 followers and I didn’t care at all about an audience. I wrote for myself, quoting poets, jabbering about books, and sticking up pics for Wordless Wednesday. Many posts had no images, which now I see makes them BORING. So, since I’m doing the thing, I’m putting images on all my posts.
3. I see we can’t have an actual outline here (2A, 2B, etc. ~ OF COURSE NOT!). Okay, so I don’t have the correct pics for my early posts and I’m not gonna spend even more ridiculous time googling them. I am just using what I have in my media library to get close enough. I’ve had to delete some Wordless Wednesdays completely because they are actually wordless and I don’t know what the hell was there (some still have pics and are fine ~ it’s random).
4. An issue that arises is… can I use an image I added to my library in 2018 for a 2012 post? What if it didn’t exist then? I’ve decided I don’t care. Well, I do, but eff it. POSTS NEED IMAGES!
5. I was worried about not doing “alt text” for these new additions, but I didn’t do that back then for any images. Consistency is important, so I’m leaving the alt text off the images (along with the copyright notice at the end of posts like I have now). Plus, I don’t always do it for current posts, especially for the Happy Color pics.
6. Here’s something completely maddening: searches rarely work in the media library. Go on, try it. You’ll get random stuff that isn’t what you want. Like say I want some sort of boat-in-water picture. I’ll search for boat, ship, water, waves, ocean, etc. But generally the pic I want THAT EXISTS IN THE FOLDER will not come up. Then I have to scroll through hundreds of photos to find it. I pretty much know what’s there and want to avoid grabbing new images because I have so many already.
7. Another issue is videos. I noticed that some were greyed out because I guess they weren’t permitted (I often use fun ones rather than the official ones). Naturally, I can’t leave them like that, but I’m NOT NOT NOT spending time YouTubing new ones. What to do? I delete the bad video and put a note saying so.
8. I’m not fixing my “poast” and other silly spellings to conform to how I write now, nor am I taking out the massive amount of cursing. That’s what I wrote, so it all stays. I am trying not to read the posts closely or else I’ll want to delete them all. I have a lot of gaps anyway because until the last few years, I only blogged once in a while, maybe twice a week or so. Oh, and I kept deleting my complaints about dating and such every time I went back on a dating site. Gah.

The whole thing is a gigantic pain in the butt, but I’ll feel good once it’s done. I should have been cleaning up older posts all along, so it wouldn’t be such a monumental task all at once.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found at Pixabay.

TSAONGAF 1

TSAONGAF is the abbreviation for Mark Manson’s self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’ve read MM’s articles with some regularity, and last week I read his bestselling book. It was a great experience for me and I learned a lot. As I said earlier, I’m going to blog about some of my thoughts on his various concepts.

What does MM mean by not giving a f*ck? He points out that most of us are wrapped up in caring about so many things that we feel perpetually entitled to a perfect world and freak out when things don’t go how we want. I guess you could say that our giving f*cks too freely has turned us into a bunch of whiny Karens. MM suggests we drill down to our basic values (and change them if they aren’t working for us), and then find the few, important things to focus on. “Let the little things go.” We’ve heard that before, right?

Obsessing over way too many unimportant details has been a huge problem for me my whole life. I can’t simply decide not to and that’s that. “Don’t do that” is a negative statement, and when you focus on a negative, well, you know what happens. “Don’t eat potato chips”… now all you can think about are potato chips. I’ve been trying to substitute the negative statements with positive ones. Focus on work. Pay attention to family. Engage in self-care routines. Get more sleep and exercise. Read more books.

Focusing on these positives has had the effect of pushing some of the trivial crap away. It really does work. I don’t have time (or the inclination) to engage in social media arguments (a huge source of past stress) when I’m in the middle of a good book. If I’m filling my time with pleasurable activities, I’m less inclined to click on a new dating site “just to see.” I know that leads down a bad path. I can step back now. It’s a bit harder in some areas, such as driving ~ I still get enraged when someone does a dangerous maneuver. What does MM say about that?

It’s okay for life to suck sometimes, is what he says. We are not entitled to a perfect life, and there’s no need to feel inadequate when something fails to be perfect. So I had a frustrating drive to Los Angeles. That’s just how it is some days and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or the way I’m living my life. Sometimes traffic is sucky and frustrating. That’s okay. I literally had this ridiculous conversation in my head the other week. I was so stupid for letting my daughter go to UCB. She had a full ride to UCD and wouldn’t have met her future husband there probably. I’d have more money now and wouldn’t have to make this horrible drive when I want to see her. God, I’m so dumb!

But then I got to her house (a half hour later than expected) and had such a great time with my family. I’m not “dumb” because there was a detour and some other drivers were being rude and awful. It’s okay for things to suck sometimes. I’m not entitled to perfection. It’s hard though to keep that mindset all the time… I’m constantly reminding myself to stay positive and not dwell on small annoyances. Being positive is more of a habit now than it used to be though, so I am improving. Slowly.

Okay, that’s the end of this PoiMo. I’ll do more MM musing another time. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

30 Day Book Challenge 5

I did this challenge in groups of 6 and this will be my last post in the series. It was a lot of fun!

25. A book villain I actually love would be Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones. I mean, come on, the guy is a total creep, banging his sister, and throwing a little kid off a tower when he witnessed them. But except for those minor details…

26. I’m not big on “shoulds,” and I also can’t recall reading a biography–they were all autobiographies. Born Standing Up by Steve Martin was probably my favorite. I do recommend it for his fans. Papa John by John Phillips was also interesting.

27. I don’t reread books yearly, but Where I’m Calling From, a short story collection by Ray Carver, is a book I’ve read a few times.

28. Watership Down by Richard Adams is a classic on my to-be-read list.

29. I love the cover of Neil Gaiman’s Fragile Things and the stories inside as well.

30. The book I’m reading right now is Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’m about half done and it’s fantastic. Wish I had read it sooner because I’ve already learned a lot.

Great challenge!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image stolen from Sandmanjazz.

Bingo Update 11

Read previous update here.

For the bestseller book, I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. I loved Manson when he was much less popular… found him early on when he gave mostly dating advice. Then I began to resent him. Who was this brash young guy (obviously privileged) telling everyone all this crap? And making bank off it. I quit reading him for a few years. But he was still around ~ peeps were always quoting him. Annoyed, I developed a conspiracy theory that he wasn’t even a real person but a character created by a publishing team. That still could be true… who knows.

Then my FB friend Barbara linked to one of his articles when I was depressed. I clicked. Whatever I read that day (don’t remember now) helped me so much that I subscribed to his blog by email. I grudgingly began to admire him again, so much so that I finally bought his book TSAONGAF. I didn’t read it until this challenge however.

Mark’s book is truly amazing. It’s a joy to read because he speaks to you as a friend, not as a high and mighty shrink. He admits to messing up in many areas before he began to view life much differently. He says he too is always growing and learning, and he doesn’t act like he has all the answers. He uses examples from his own life to illustrate his points, which makes his writing feel real and down to earth. Maybe the examples are made up, but regardless they are a great device to draw you in to the topic of each chapter.

My plan is to discuss in detail some of the TSAONGAF concepts that resonated the most with me in Pointless Meanders as time permits. That’s not a substitute for reading it yourself… I already feel better having finished it, and I highly recommend it in its entirety. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Two left! 📚

PS: I have no idea what happened with my phone’s pens, but I couldn’t find the right one for the checkmark, hence the slash.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image from Kriti and Ariel.

Bloggerz 2

Guess who is back with a dozen silly questions for us? Yep, you got it. The Blokey Guy aka Rory! Let’s get to it, shall we… I haven’t got all night.

1. How spontaneous are you? Great question. I’m very fun and spontaneous, as long as I have a teensy bit of advance notice, say like 2 weeks.
2. How flirtatious would you say you are and if that is not the word you would use then try the alternatives of ‘teasing or playful’ either way – how much are you of this? I’m loads of this as well, though perhaps I might use the word snarky or bitchy, but a rose is a rose, eh? 🌹
3. How serious are you as a person? Welp, I would say I’m more serious as a person than I am as a kangaroo.
4. Do you think the older we become certain emotions are easier to handle – say as an example ‘grief?’ Yes, especially when we can’t even remember what the hell happened the day before. That’s helpful.
5. What is the most adventurous thing you have done to date? Probably dating a married man was pretty adventurous, and that worked out as well as you would expect. 💔
6. What’s the craziest or riskiest thing you have ever done and simply got away with it or gotten caught doing it? Way way back when, I both took and gave rides from/to strangers. Don’t do this, kids.
7. What do you think the future is of dating and other ‘other’ now that social distancing has become part of your life? Irrelevant, since I no longer date or do any other othering either.
8. How different do you really think you are to the next person – are you prim and proper, or straight laced and serious, wild and abandoned or rebellious and controversial? I think I’m average/middle-of-the-road in almost all areas, except I can be alone for vast amounts of time and be fine (though I miss my family in this horrid lockdown). In fact, being overly social makes me exhausted and depressed, which seems different from what most people report.
9. During this time of global concern how has your thinking changed with regards the planet, conservation, climate issues… or has it not changed one little bit? I’ve always been in favor of minimizing our pollution levels and finding ways to avoid destroying animals and their habitats. 🌎
10. What ‘topical issues’ considered ‘taboo’ by society are you deeply passionate with and about to the point of doing something about it? None really. Just leave people alone to do as they will as long as they aren’t harming anyone else. Oh, I guess I’m a fan of internet reform, which no one likes, but I’m too lazy to do anything about it. If I were in charge, I’d likely disallow anonymity and multiple accounts. One account, per person, traceable across platforms. No trolling or sock puppets or other shenanigans used for evil purposes.
11. What’s more important and or is there a difference between ‘Friendship and Companionship’ and if so what is that difference? There are levels to friendship for sure, from basic acquaintances to coworkers to peeps you want to hang out with in your free time. And then there are other people, maybe just a few, or only one, with whom you have a special connection (not talking romantic, though it could be)… someone who “gets” you and with whom you can easily share your feelings and experiences, knowing you won’t be judged or mocked or criticized. But also someone who shares things with you in return, so you feel you aren’t just taking but giving as well. This is what I consider companionship, beyond friendship. I don’t really have it in my life now, just sporadic friendship when people aren’t busy with other things, and I’m okay with that.
12. What is your passion with regards writing genres – (1) what is your chosen genre and (2) what is the genre you might like to write about but lack confidence to start? I’ve written lots of romance and a little erotica, bunches of poetry, and a political romance. I’ve begun a few mysteries and “literary fiction” type works as well. Finished some shorter pieces in those genres. Dabbled in a bit of sci-fi too. As I keep saying, I’m working on a mystery/love story called Ghosted, which will be finished… at some point. Lack of confidence to write in a genre I haven’t tried before does not seem to be an issue for me. 🤣

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit to Bitmoji

20 Questions

These are from Melanie, who got them from Fandango, in two separate posts, but she reworded some, and then added more to make a better number, as you do, so are they her questions or his questions?

Let me know what you decide, okay? In the meantime, imma answer the questions…

1. Okay, you write a blog, so do you also play word games of any kind?

Yes, all of them. Not at the same time, of course, but if it’s a word game, I’ve likely tried it, or some variation. Right now, on my phone, I have Wordscapes, which has pretty backgrounds and relaxing sounds. It’s too easy though.

2. Do you have any other type of creative outlet besides writing? Art, sewing, photography, jewelry making, etc.?

I’ve done all of that. I used to love baking and cake decorating. I also did lots of needlework pictures and pillows. I tried to start a tee shirt painting biz but got a hurty wrist and had to stop. My hands are achy lately, so I haven’t been doing any crafts at all. 😢

3. Do you listen to anything while you write or does it need to be quiet?

I prefer quiet.

4. Are you an avid book reader?

I go in phases. This year I’ve only read 19 books so far.

5. Name a country you would love to visit if the world wasn’t shut down because of the virus.

England.

6. Have you ever written a poem about someone and gave it to them?

Yes, as jokes and seriously. I’ve also written loads of poems about people that I haven’t shown them. Here’s my favorite one.

7. Is there an author (living or dead) that you would love to sit down and talk to for an hour?

Margaret Atwood.

8. Have you ever met a fellow blogger or interacted off WordPress?

I’ve met a few.

9. Cake or pie?

Yes, please… coconut cake / cherry pie.

10. Coffee or tea?

Coffee in the morning / tea the rest of the day.

11. What is the strangest movie you have ever seen?

When I was 11, my parents took me to see Greaser’s Palace in NYC, which traumatized me. I still think about it occasionally.

12.  What lessons have you learnt from C-19?

Nothing, except to double down on what I was already inclined to do.

13. What values do you live by?

Family first. Prioritize work and my peace of mind. Try to tune out the negativity and craziness of other people.

14. What is your favorite movie?

Doctor Zhivago.

15. Whom have you loved unconditionally?

Only my children.

16. Your dreams in life?

Happy, healthy children. Being financially secure. Writing a lot!

17.   Do you like citrus flavoring?

Yes to lemon and lime. Not a fan of orange usually. Pineapple is good with coconut.

18.   What is your remedy for the hiccups?

Holding my breath.

19.   Are you lucky?

I think “luck” happens when I’m careful to avoid doing stupid things. So, it depends on the day… 🤣🍀

20.   Barefoot or wearing something on your feet?

I like socks!

~*~

Images from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Changes… [socs]

Changing things up by choosing the challenging block editor to format this post. Will it check out okay or turn into a chaotic disaster? We shall see! I’m a bit scared in starting this new chapter of bloggery, but sometimes you can’t be a chicken and you have to simply charge ahead and cross that channel. Choices make our characters, right? I don’t want to be chained to the classic editor if this one is better and all it takes is a simple leap of faith (off my lazy chair) to learn a few new tricks to get the hang of it. Cheers!

~*~

Image found on Google.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.