Tag Archives: FPQ

FPQ110: Ace

FPQ fandango

Fandango provocatively asks…

How’s your sex life?

At first, I wasn’t going to answer because the answer is non-existent and Mr. F said he wanted more details (nosy!). Then I thought, OK, I can revert to form and go into a rant about dating, etc. But that’s so boring, not to mention depressing. Plus, almost 4 years have passed since my last date, and longer since my last sexual relationship, so it’s no longer relevant.

I consider myself asexual. I’ve lost interest in it all, and, more importantly, I’ve lost interest in trying to be interested. There was a time when I thought I should keep searching for Mr. Right (now) because, um, why? I don’t even remember why it was ever important to me. Probably a self-esteem thing, like it helped me feel good about myself when some random idiot found me sexy. Seems so stupid now.

Bitmoji shrug

The more time passes, the less interested I am. Maybe it is a “use it or lose it” thing, idk. It’s also age, hormones, and not feeling good physically. Well, the last two are still age-related, so maybe it’s just… I’m old! Now, before people start in, I understand that folks way older than 60 still have vibrant sex lives. That’s great! But I’m not them.

For me, the idea of sex was connected to love and foreverness. I disliked the casual way many men approached romance, and it was completely unappealing to simply engage in the physical act without any emotional connection and the possibility of a long-term relationship happening. I’ve done it, just to see, and it made me feel bad afterwards.

bitmoji life

I consider my loss of desire a blessing, tbh. Since I’ve given up the idea of finding someone, I’ve been much less stressed. I no longer have to worry about being attractive to whatever man stumbles onto my dating profile, nor do I have to live in fear of one of them stalking me in anger after I reject him (this has happened, and more than once). I have accepted that I’m not good at finding or maintaining a romantic relationship, and that’s that. It’s a big relief to be done with it all.

Sorry I didn’t have much to say about this topic. 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ109: Time Management

FPQ fandango

Fandango provocatively asks…

How many hours, on average, do you spend per day (or per week) on blogging-related activities? And, what do you think you might do with your time if you didn’t spend it on those blogging-related activities?

“Blogging-related” activities gobble up a whole bunch of my free hours. Throughout the day I peek into my reader to check out posts and save any I might want to reply to later. When I have more time, I’ll create new posts, sometimes several at one go, to schedule on dates in the future. I visit my own blog often to make sure everything looks as it should (you never know with WP’s constant shenanigans).

Blogging is how I “do” writing now, which has been my main hobby for decades, so I consider it an important part of my life and the time I spend on it is time I would spend writing something, somewhere. I’ve tried other venues over the years, including self-publishing, but none of those has given me enough attention readers.

bitmoji concert crowd surf

Writers should also read, and I devote time to books, usually before falling asleep, but also at other random times. It’s impossible to put a number on the hours I spend reading/writing. It’s time well spent! 😻

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ108: Candy Hearts

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Do you consider it to be a special day, one where you express your deep love and appreciation for your significant other? Or is it just a commercialized “Hallmark Holiday” where you feel pressured to spend money on cards, flowers, candy, jewelry, and/or expensive dinners in order to stay on the good side of the one you love? Either way, what, if anything, are your plans for Valentine’s Day this year?

Happy Color love letter hearts

Yes to both! Valentine’s Day is horribly commercialized yet also special and meaningful. I mean, all holidays are commercial now: Halloween, Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, July 4th, Mother’s Day, etc. Some bemoan this, while others shrug and get on with doing as they please, which could include buying some flowers/candy and sending a love poem to their sweetie on February 14th. I’m in favor of that! Sure, do it on some random other day as well, not a problem. Why celebrate a birthday by spending money on someone or baking them a cake… shouldn’t you celebrate them EVERY day? Yada. 🙄

Unfortunately, most of my significant others have been in the “DGAF about Valentine’s Day” camp, so if I received anything special, it was begrudgingly. These are the kind of guys (and I know there are women too) who say stuff like, why wait for February 14 to celebrate our love? We should treat each other like valentines EVERY day. Yeah, sure. Except they don’t! At least, that has not been MY experience. And it’s not because they were cheapskates; it’s because they couldn’t be bothered. In their world, relationships are effortless and you never have to DO anything to make them work other than exist. Meh.

course of true love smooth

That said, going out to dinner on VDay was never my favorite thing because a crowded, noisy restaurant is definitely NOT romantic! Same with Mother’s Day brunches, etc. On those days, planning something nice at home is more of what I would like, saving the restaurant for a less busy time. Flowers and candy are always nice, and so is a lovely book or even something sillyfun like a pink teddy bear. “Hallmark cards” are great too, as long as you write something extra in them. I also enjoy giving gifts, of course. This VDay I sent one of my daughters and her hubby a cute “mailbox” full of Mrs. Field’s cookies and I can mention it because it arrived very early, as in yesterday. Oopsy! My other daughter doesn’t celebrate VDay, so I buy her extra gifts at other times. Must be even, lol!

valentines

My regular readers know I don’t have a Significant Other, so I won’t be doing anything special in the romance department for this February 14th. I’ll just send my family lots of lovey texts and give my cat extra cuddles. I’m not sad or angry that I don’t have someone to be romantic with, nor do I begrudge others their hearts and flowers. I’m happy that romantic love still exists, even if it has passed me by.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ107: Breakdown

FPQ fandango

Fandango provocatively asks…

Have you ever taken a hiatus (break) from blogging? If so, how long did your hiatus last and why did you take it? How difficult was it to return to blogging after your hiatus? Did your stats suffer and did you lose readers as a consequence of your absence?

I began my first blog “Ultrablog” (named for my Usenet handle “Ultraviolet”) in the fall of 2003. I was deliberately provocative in order to increase views and comments, not to make money but as an ego booster. Naturally, this led to flamewars and all sorts of shenanigans. I got disgusted with that, backed up the blog to the cloud, and deleted it in 2007.

bitmoji door

I probably went about 5 minutes without a blog and then began “Cats, Cupcakes & Shoes,” which was meant to be only for fun and no controversy. That was a giant bore, didn’t generate much interest obviously, and I deleted it too. Around that time, at the end of 2007, my mom received her cancer diagnosis and I started a private blog sans comments just to vent to about 20 people. They sometimes emailed me with their thoughts. My mom passed away in April 2008, and I ended the blog in June or thereabouts (I have it archived).

If love could have saved you

Around that time, I dumped Facebook for the first time because it too annoyed me with all the arguing. But I had nowhere online to jibber jabber! 😳 I think there may have been a few short-lived venues, such as Google hangouts or whatever. Not the same as real blogging! I missed it.

I began a blogspot blog called Light Motifs (a play on “leitmotif”) in 2009 and also rejoined Facebook. I’ve usually had a Twitter account going on, but meh. Never have figured out the secret to twit-stardom. I grew annoyed with the limitations of the blogger platform and moved over to WP in 2011 as Light Motifs II.

bitmoji party

At first, I barely had any views or comments. I mostly shared other people’s poetry that resonated with my state of mind and also did some book and cupcake reviews. Over time, I gained more followers, but things didn’t take off until I began doing the official word of the day prompt and visiting other WP bloggers who participated. Now I have around 2300 followers and get about 200 views per day along with a bunch of comments.

But even with all my current posts and participation, I never see the kind of numbers I had back on Ultrablog. I’m okay with that. I understand that controversy brings the views ~ just look at regular media and how they gin up emotions. I don’t want that kind of interaction. I’ve rejoined FB to have more communication during Covid, but I don’t connect my posts there since it irritates me so much when people refuse to comment HERE and the post ends up with two sets of comments. I hardly use Twitter lately, so I get no visits from there. And I’ve given up on Medium.

I’m good with how things are in Blogland and have no plans to change my blogging habits or take a break. I will be ending my Thursday Inspo prompt at #100, but only those souls bored enough to read this ridiculously long ramble in its entirety will see this paragraph. 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ106 with a Bonus Rory Question!

FPQ fandango

 

Fandango provocatively asks…

In the context of blogging and writing, what do you think is more important: what you say or how you say it?

I assume most are going to say HOW, so I’m tempted to say WHAT, just to be contrary, but the truth is… I think they are equally important depending upon the nature of the post. 🙃

Forex, I will not follow bloggers who jabber nonsense about conspiracy theories or offer links to stupid YouTube rantings, no matter HOW they say it. I do not wish to engage with anyone who defends the twice-impeached former POTUS in any manner whatsoever. I’ve been unfollowing those who post lies about the recent US election or jumbled mutterings about dark forces. I don’t care how nicely they fling these turds, it is the WHAT that matters to me. Same goes for most idiotic conspiracy posts unless they’re totally silly or benign.

big mood bitmoji

But if we’re talking about creative fiction, then it’s the HOW that matters more than the WHAT. Many of us begin with the same prompt words or images and come up with vastly different interpretations because our creativity flows down different paths. The interesting aspect to me is HOW someone’s mind works to create a piece of fiction or poetry, not the subject matter so much.

When I write, I consider both aspects, more focused on WHAT I’m saying when I’m ranting about something (The Monday Peeve) and diving deeper into HOW I’m saying it when I’m creating a piece of fiction or poetry.

bitmoji plan

Bonus Related Question from Rory…

Is it more important to you to be a good blogger, or a community player or… what?

Ideally, they both would collide in a beautiful explosion of fame and money, but alas…

Here’s the thing. I call BS on anyone who says they’re only blogging for themselves. Then why write in public? Have a private blog or keep your thoughts locked in a Word document. Every blogger/Tweep/FB poster, etc. is hoping for an audience, though some are more attention-seeking than others. That said, I am okay with only a little bit of community engagement, and I will continue to post writing I enjoy even if it doesn’t get as many views/comments as other writing. But if I find that a type of writing gets ZERO engagement? I probably would discontinue it or seriously tweak it ~ in this case adjusting both the WHAT and the HOW to attract more views/comments. Otherwise, why bother writing in public? This is a huge reason why I became disenchanted with Twitter and Medium: little to no actual engagement.

bitmoji me

I found that my whining about dating and relationships generated a lot of views and engagement. But was it “good bloggery?” I decided it wasn’t. I grew uncomfortable with those posts and have discontinued them, even deleting some of the whinier ones from the blog altogether. (Yes, I know people who received them in email may still have them, etc.) I kept the best dating stories however and gave them their own page.

So in that case, the community engagement was a negative, especially when people gave me unsolicited advice about how to be “better” on dating sites as if the problem was me and not the sites themselves with their scam accounts, liars, cheaters, and overall creepy men. It didn’t matter HOW I wrote about this stuff because people gravitated to the WHAT and responded by trying to “fix Paula’s issues” instead of giving me the commiseration I sought. When I find a particular subject matter isn’t working for me, I avoid it in the future.

Hope that clears things up!

bitmoji relax

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ105: Read the TOS

FPQ

This is going to be a super-long post, so it won’t hurt my feelings if you pass it by, though IMNSHO there is a lot of good content here. If you simply drop a like without reading it, your loss.

Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you think [TOS violator] should be allowed back on social media now that he’s no longer in office?

I hope Fandango forgives me for slightly editing his question to remove the specific name. My view is that people should be held to the terms they agreed to when they signed up for a service. This means all people, no exceptions.

Let’s use WordPress for our first example, since most of my readers are using this service. Have you read the TOS? There are a lot of terms there… having to do with signing up, payments, disclaimers of WP liability for anything, using the site for e-commerce, more gobble about money, and some conditions having to do with users’ behavior. Here are some examples:

  • Will comply with all applicable laws and regulations (including, without limitation, all applicable laws regarding online conduct and acceptable content, privacy, data protection, the transmission of technical data exported from the United States or the country in which you reside, the use or provision of financial services, notification and consumer protection, unfair competition, and false advertising);
  • Will not be for any unlawful purposes, to publish illegal content, or in furtherance of illegal activities;
  • Will not disclose the personal information of others;
  • Will not be used to send spam or bulk unsolicited messages; […]

You must obey the laws about online conduct and acceptable conduct. What are those? Here’s a look

Okay, what about, say… Twitter? Anything goes there, right? Um nope. Contrary to what Twitter looks like, they actually have rules. Which they enforce arbitrarily, unfortunately. These sites making gobs of money (FB, Twitter, etc.) should, in my opinion, be forced to hire as many people as necessary to enforce their own TOS. If they can’t/don’t/won’t, they should be taken offline. There is no excuse! If there are too many messages to monitor, fix it so there aren’t. They can and should. No one needs to tweet 500 times per day if the site can’t handle monitoring their content.

Here are some rules from the Twitter TOS:

  • Violence: You may not threaten violence against an individual or a group of people. We also prohibit the glorification of violence. Learn more about our violent threat and glorification of violence policies. 
  • Abuse/harassment: You may not engage in the targeted harassment of someone, or incite other people to do so. This includes wishing or hoping that someone experiences physical harm. Learn more.
  • Hateful conduct: You may not promote violence against, threaten, or harass other people on the basis of race, ethnicity, national origin, caste, sexual orientation, gender, gender identity, religious affiliation, age, disability, or serious disease. Learn more
  • Civic Integrity: You may not use Twitter’s services for the purpose of manipulating or interfering in elections or other civic processes. This includes posting or sharing content that may suppress participation or mislead people about when, where, or how to participate in a civic process. Learn more.
  • Impersonation: You may not impersonate individuals, groups, or organizations in a manner that is intended to or does mislead, confuse, or deceive others. Learn more.

Isn’t that interesting? You wouldn’t think, from visiting Twitter, that they had any rules at all! But apparently there are so many tweets that they can’t handle monitoring them for adherence to their own rules. They rely on other users reporting violations. Regardless, violators should be restricted, even if they can’t all be found (which they could, if these sites put money into enforcing their own rules).

It’s not only the twice-impeached former POTUS who constantly violates the Twitter rules ~ violations are all over the place there, perpetuated by peeps of all political persuasions. They are simply sliding under the radar. Forex, it’s become a sport online to mock officials for having “dementia,” which is a clear violation of the Twitter TOS, whoever is doing it. Dementia is a serious disease, incapacitating millions of people, and it’s heartbreaking besides. It’s not funny to accuse people of having it because they lie, misspeak, stutter, etc. But folks on the right and the left use this form of harassment as mockery of those they dislike.

Many of us are on Facebook, which also has rules, not that they are great at enforcing them. God forbid hiring more monitors would put a dent in the bottom line there. Here are a few FB rules that are routinely ignored:

  • Use the same name that you use in everyday life.
  • Provide accurate information about yourself.
  • Create only one account (your own) and use your timeline for personal purposes.
  • We believe that all people are equal in dignity and rights. We expect that people will respect the dignity of others and not harass or degrade others. [found in Community Standards]

I stand by my unpopular opinion that there needs to be a huge change in the structure of social media ~ and that is to create a new global rule of one account per person signed up with their real, legal name, verified with a credit card. You don’t have to use your real name as your handle, but you get ONE handle, to be used across all social media. There needs to be an end to this detachment of words from consequences when you want to “troll” and harass others. That’s the thing about social media ~ people want to be separated from the consequences of their behavior. Unlike other areas of life, we aren’t required to accept any responsibility for our words, words that are casually tossed out to mock, harass, demean, etc. others online.

Of course, I have strayed from the question. That’s because it’s too simple for me to say, “Ugh, hate him ban him!” The twice-impeached former POTUS has violated the TOS egregiously and repeatedly, so suspending his account was the right thing to do, but more than that… everyone should be required to abide by the TOS they signed up for. Everyone.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ104: Practical Magic

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

What do you think is the one subject (or thing) that should be taught in school that isn’t?

Life 101. I think all teenagers should have a Practical Life course requirement. Part 1 of the class would teach basic life skills such as cooking simple meals, safely using tools and appliances, sewing on a button, budgeting, learning how a car works, etc. The second part would teach teens how to behave in a job interview, how to avoid scams, and how to avoid dangerous confrontations online and offline, including red flags to watch out for (this isn’t limited to romantic situations).

Actually, we all might benefit from such a class! 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ103: Green-Eyed Monster

FPQ fandango

Fandango provocatively asks…

Is jealousy purely a negative and potentially destructive emotion, or does jealousy have any value as a motivator to drive people to improve themselves?

My view is that it depends upon which definition of “jealousy” we are using. If we’re talking about envy, then it could be a positive motivator. Forex, if I envy another writer’s success, that could inspire me to write more, market my work in new places, etc. If I envy someone else’s fitness, I might be motivated to exercise more, eat more veggies, etc. But if we are talking about the possessive fear of someone else taking what we have, this is generally a negative trait in relationships. I’ve been on both ends of this. I’ve dated men who were irrationally suspicious of every interaction I had with another man and interrogated me relentlessly about each comment. This led to me breaking up with them. No one can or should live with being constantly accused of infidelity because the other person is so ridiculously insecure.

Woman texting

But I’ve also been that insecure, jealous person at times ~ usually this happens when a man is unreliable or secretive. That spurs my imagination into overdrive, coming up with all sorts of scenarios why they’re acting like this. In one case, a man refused to let me see where he lived. I started to think maybe it was because he had another woman living with him. It wasn’t. He finally took me there and his place was super messy and gross. He knew I’d be turned off by this and he was right. But I spent months feeling jealous and annoyed over this one thing. Better to be honest upfront and let people know you have “relaxed” standards of housekeeping. There are plenty of women who would be fine with this. But the point is… my jealousy made me unattractive and nagging (Why can’t we go to your place? When will you take me there? etc.).

Shady man

Jealousy is bad. If you can’t trust someone, you shouldn’t be with them.

FPQ102: Scaredy-Cat 🐱

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

What do you fear the most?

I’ve been pondering Fandango’s question all morning. My greatest fear, specifically, will depend upon the day. If I have to drive a long distance, or at all sometimes, the fear of an accident looms large in my mind. Yes, most accidents happen close to home, but they’re also a function of time spent on the road. But WHY do I fear a car crash (which is something I think about often?) Can the elements of this fear be coalesced into an overall theme?

Bitmoji car

1. Pain. Well, duh. Most normal creatures try to avoid physical pain, and yay I am normal in this respect. But wait! I don’t always avoid things that cause pain… sometimes I will exercise when my back hurts, knowing it’ll probably hurt more later. Occasionally, I’ll drink alcohol, knowing a raging migraine is likely to result. Hmm…

2. Logistics. I can’t stand annoyances, and what is more annoying than dealing with the mountain of paperwork, phone calls, repair, rental car crap, on and on, after an accident? I try to avoid this sort of garbage in general and become utterly enraged when some life glitch throws a bowl of logistical pretzels in my face. So, maybe I’m terrified of being inconvenienced?

Bitmoji frustration

3. Surprise. I hate surprises. HATE THEM. I don’t want to be shocked by anything new, since I struggle through the days as it is. It’s all I can do to work and write given my chronic pain issues without some new thing coming along to smash my routine to bits. This is definitely up there with my major fears, and we could generalize and say it’s basically why I quit dating. Because…

4. People! An accident means dealing with people, in all kinds of unpleasant ways. Maybe I hurt someone, yikes. Even if I only damaged their car, they could be furious and mean. Maybe it was their fault, but they’ll lie about it, and I’ll have to deal with that. There could be police questioning me. I’ll have to tell my insurance guy ~ I like him, but still. If I’m hurt, I’ll have to talk to doctors and nurses and medical insurance people. It’s just all so horrible and unpredictable.

5. Anger. But I like some people, and even love a few. I look forward to talking to these folks. I just can’t tolerate angry, mean people who act in unpredictable ways. I am afraid of anger. I guess that’s my main fear. Angry people are super scary. Angry dogs scare me too. And angry bears? Gahhh! You don’t know what angry creatures will do because they’re irrational and possibly violent. And I should know because I too am angry person and have done many irrational things.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ100: The Dark Side

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

How do we make peace with ourselves, knowing that, being the basically good people in we are, we also have a side to us which we know isn’t the best — our “dark side”? Can we overcome these parts of our lives that we may not be proud of? Or do we simply accept them, learn to live with them, and move on?

For me, it depends on the issue at hand. I’ve overcome some of my “dark tendencies,” while the rest are mere thought crimes. I don’t believe we should feel guilty for our bad thoughts if we don’t act upon them. I’m lucky that I get some catharsis by expressing a bit of my darkness via fiction and poetry. The rest just stays in the basement. Most of my darkness is self-directed, so that’s good, I guess. I’ve made very few enemies in these six decades on the planet. As far as I know…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.