Is it more important to you to be able to help yourself, help your family, help your friends, help your society, or help the world?
I’m addressing this question as applying to me only, not what others should do. It is more important to me to take care of myself so that I don’t become a burden to others. My daughters are busy and I don’t want to stress them out with worry about me, for as long as possible anyway. I feel I am helping them indirectly by focusing on my own needs and behavior. Practically speaking, I have very limited resources to share, in terms of financial help and/or pitching in physically to help family, friends, or the world in general. I wish I could do more. If I felt better, I’d join one of those clean up litter type groups. 🌎
Hey everyone! Let’s help Fandango continue his great FPQ series by offering suggestions for future provocative questions.
Do you think it’s better to have a broad knowledge base or a deep knowledge base?
It depends. For example, I would like my doctor to have a deep knowledge base about the human body, diseases, medicines, etc. I don’t care if he knows anything about Star Trek or Shakespeare. My dad was pleased when he found a GP who also enjoyed James Joyce’s writing, but I don’t want to talk about literature when I’m getting a physical. This Joyce doc did not help me one bit with my migraines when I visited. 🙁
On the other hand, it’s more fun to have friends who know a little about a lot than an egghead who can and will talk for twelve hours about nuclear physics, Elvis Presley, or constitutional law (like who cares?). I myself am in this group ~ a lifetime member of the section of people who know extremely little about a vast array of topics.
Which is more important to you, privacy or security? How much privacy are you willing to give up for security?
Why not both? 😁 Actually, I’m a little bit confused by this question as I’ve always thought it was a balance between privacy and convenience. To me, privacy and security go together, while convenience can whittle away at both.
Personally, I have caved to the mega-corps and given up a lot of privacy in order to save time (and money). Forex, I pay my bills online instead of writing a check and buying a stamp. I have no choice with medical ~ all the docs are online now, and that’s how you must communicate with them. How secure are the “portals” through which I pay my utilities and ask my doc for a refill? I don’t know. And naturally I shop at Amazon and Wal*Mart, giving my info to them so I don’t have to prowl germy stores for stuffs. Also, I’m back on Facebook, that notorious data-grabber. This is more to do with feeling lonely than convenience…
The worst “data breach” I’ve experienced is when some assh*le debt collector lied to a sheriff, saying I was still married, convincing the sheriff to serve a writ for my ex’s debt on my bank account. THANK GOD my brilliant boss got on it and made them reverse it. I don’t know what I would have done without immediate legal help. The reason the DC was able to do that is because he found my info online. Why should it be possible to find out whether someone is married or divorced or has unpaid parking tickets or ANYTHING by doing a google search? Sure, I enjoyed that convenience myself when I was on dating sites, but still. (NB: they’re all liars.)
As I understand it, most of the data-grabbing is used to shovel ads at us, which doesn’t bother me that much. Ads? Pffft. It’s on me to watch my own budget and resist buying things on impulse. There were loads of ads on the old TV shows I liked and in the women’s magazines I used to read. Same dealio. Maybe I’m just making excuses for being too lazy to write checks…
I don’t think it’s possible to have as much privacy as we might want, if we use social media or shop/pay bills online, unless we are totally internet savvy and lock everything down like my friend Dusty.
What do you think about what happened in the United States yesterday? Are you shocked or surprised at the outcome, if it’s even known as you read this? Or are the results of the election what you expected? And finally, are you happy or unhappy?
You probably can tell from my title what I think. I’ve been anxious for weeks, not trusting the polls, because they were wrong last time. I don’t know anything about the “science” of polling, but it seems on par with the “science” of astrology. As of this writing, there still is no clear winner of our 2020 US presidential election, but whoever wins, my opinion is that we all lost. If Trump wins, we can expect more of the same shitshow we’ve had all along and especially this past year. If Biden wins, we’ll have the right screaming that he cheated and we’re now doomed to communism. If the Senate doesn’t flip, which it doesn’t appear to have done, he won’t be able to pass anything anyway.
I am not surprised that red states stayed red. I mean duh. I am shocked however at the percentages Trump received. I mean, even here in the land of fruits and nuts, he took like 30+% of the votes. People want more of 2020? The mismanaged pandemic response is cool with them? His alienation of friendly countries is a good thing? His brutal stance toward immigration is something we want to continue? His absurd tweeting? His views on women’s rights and appointments that reflect the same? Ugh. So, maybe Biden will eke out a win after all the votes are counted in WI/MI/PA, but it won’t be a decisive one. And… we’re still left with tens of millions of people who approve of Trump’s policies.
All that said, Biden was not my choice in the primary and I think the Democrats could have done much better than steamrolling him through. He doesn’t have a great record on most of the issues we care about, plus he’s just so damn old (so is Trump). We had vibrant primary candidates, but they were given no support and then were forced to drop out. The whole process just sucks. So, do you think the Dems will learn from this? 🤣
I’m not happy, obviously. I’m just resigned. Last night, I decided to abandon my “epic retirement road trip” I’ve semi-planned for a while because I simply don’t want to travel through those red states. Yes, they were red before this, but now I’m just so turned off from all this Trump support that I can’t even imagine it would be any fun.
Okay, so I assume that everyone reading this has their own blog or some other venue for expressing their thoughts. While normally I don’t mind a bit of disagreement, I’m not in the mood for it today and will not be hosting comments in support of Trump. If you want to praise him, please do it somewhere else. Thanks.
I do not blog anonymously, though I understand why people do, and sometimes I wish I had. My name is slightly altered from my “real” one, but I can be found and I use my actual face photos to make that process even easier. 🤣
Why am I not anonymous? Well, it’s mainly because I began writing online 20+ years ago with this name and I want to refer to my published work, mostly self-published, but even so. I also write as Anna Fondant, which I’ve made no secret of either. Supposedly, it’s best to have one name per genre, and Anna focuses on romance and erotica. I have a third name for a completely different style of writing, but I unpublished that novel. I intend to edit it and make a trilogy of it… someday! It’s sort of science fiction erotica, or it appears to be sci-fi, but maybe it isn’t.
I try not to identify real people in my blog or otherwise unless I have their permission. My “dating stories” have many details obscured, though one guy recognized himself, which turned out to be fun. Once, I ranted about someone (without naming her), and she read it and bitched, so I took down the post. I’ve been more careful since then. I don’t post pics of others until I receive their OK, or if they’re in the public domain, such as Pexels or Pixabay. I also avoid discussing my work, family, or friends in any great detail. In that way, I’m discreet, if not anonymous. I cringe every time I see a “mommy blogger” post embarrassing stories or pics of her kids. One day, they will google themselves…
If I’d been anonymous from the start, I could have used blogging as a great catharsis for my thoughts on relationships, marriage, sex, work, politics, religion, etc. But I didn’t and I don’t. When I say anything on those topics, I’m very careful, sticking to bland stuff like “Vote Blue!” My Twitter is connected here (you have to go to the main blog to see it), but even there I retweet only mainstream Democratic stuff. You may think you know a lot about me because I’ve posted so very very many words, but you actually do not. Even those who were “privileged” to read my private blogs years ago know only a sliver more.
There was a time when I was extremely depressed because I thought I’d never meet a “soul mate” I could be 100% myself with, and vice versa, but I’m over it. Pretty much. I remember those few times though when I thought I had someone like this, or someone was a potential “this,” and it was ecstatically life-altering. Then came the crash. I’ve now accepted that it’s not going to happen, and hoping for it makes me feel worse, so I have to continue to censor myself with everyone everywhere, in various ways.
Is it even possible to live a normal life and to not ever tell a lie?
I’m not sure what a “normal” life is… perhaps there are some people who never lie and that’s normal for them. So, I’m only going to answer for myself. No. It is not possible for me to live a normal life and never tell a lie.
I lie often, and I am pretty sure most of the people around me do too. Why hurt people’s feelings unnecessarily by being brutally honest? For example, hair. I will always say I like someone’s new hairstyle (assuming I notice it). That costs me nothing and makes them happy. I guess the brutally honest folks would say that’s not being a good friend because now the new hair person will keep the unflattering style. But so what? Why should I decide what’s attractive on someone else anyway?
Something to keep in mind: when someone asks for your opinion, most of the time they don’t really want it. They simply want their decision affirmed. If you say hey that’s not a great idea, what usually happens? They don’t change their mind and thank you for being honest. Nope. They go ahead and do the thing regardless, but they’re pissed off at you for being unsupportive. And if the thing turns out well, you get a hmph nyah! If it’s a disaster, they will never say they wish they’d listened to you. They’re just resentful. So, eff all that! Just say “hmm, interesting…” when someone asks your opinion on something you disagree with.
I remember back on dating sites when a few (very few) men tried to go against the norm by messaging something critical instead of flattering. One stands out to me: the dude who complained about my “old-fashioned” glasses. Yeah, that went over well. 🙄
“Honesty is the best policy” isn’t a bad way to conduct my life, but there has to be wiggle room for white lies and kindness. Here’s another adage: “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.”
Fandango provocatively asks today how we feel about blog “awards” and why.
PCGuyIV’s post on the subject reflects my thoughts ~ don’t much care for “awards” these days. This in no way denigrates my blogging buddies who have previously nominated me for an “award.” I appreciate when someone thinks of me! 😍
The reason I put “award” in quotes is because it’s not actually an award, as we all know. As PC observes, it’s a chain letter, and chain letters, like all MLM schemes, have one point: to accumulate goodies at the top of the chain. In this case, the goodies are links back to the “award” originator to boost his or her views. This is why early on I quit linking back to the original. I linked only to the blogger who nominated me.
That’s one issue. The other is that in general “awards” contain too many questions and they’re boring. How many times am I gonna jabber on about why I started blogging or do I prefer tea or coffee or whatever silly thing that no one actually cares about? Bleh. Rory with his Friday Four and Melanie with her Share Your World have the right idea: four interesting questions. That’s enough! 👍🏻
I have noticed that many bloggers dislike “awards” and/or won’t respond, so at a certain point I quit nominating people even if I was okay with answering the questions. Then I started skipping more and more of the noms myself. (No offense, as I said.) I was thinking the other day that I haven’t seen one in my feed for a while, and I’d like to take this opportunity to pat myself on the back for contributing to their absence. 🤩
Having been subjected to stay at home restrictions (to one degree or another) over the past six months, would you say that the quarantine has made you a better person? If so, in what ways? If not, why not?
Yes, I do think it has made me a better person regarding doing things for others. In the past, I viewed dangers as something only to worry about for myself (and immediate family), but now I think more about the wider implications of my actions. Let’s take mask wearing. I hate wearing a mask. Just gonna say it straight up. I find them super uncomfortable and annoying. In the past, I might have worn one to protect myself, but now I wear one for that reason and also because I don’t want to infect others, should I catch The Thing and not be symptomatic for a few days or so.
I’ve also learned that I’m not as much of a loner as I thought. While I have a higher tolerance for loneliness than most people I know, it’s not infinite. After a while, I really crave in-person conversation. And zooming is not a good substitute for me. It’s okay for playing games at times, but it doesn’t make me feel I’ve been with people. Kinda like cybersex back in the day…
Perhaps it’s made me a worse person too though, in that I have less tolerance for some beliefs. Or maybe that’s better! I used to be pretty accepting of quirky ideas, but now I’m not. But maybe it’s time I quit thinking that every lunatic notion is “interesting.” We’ll leave it at that.
What has been the strangest, weirdest dream that you can remember? What do you think triggered that dream?
When I was very young, I dreamt about getting attacked by a wolf, which I think was triggered by having a sore throat in the night. I mentioned this dream in a SYW post recently:
I was little, around 10 or under, and dreamt I got lost at the zoo. I ended up behind the exhibits and there was a wolf loose. He jumped on me and ripped my throat open. In the dream, I died, though I understand that isn’t supposed to happen in dreams. I woke up with strep throat.
This 2011 baby dream could symbolize creativity. Maybe I was writing a lot then, or thinking about new ideas for novels.
Here’s a scaryweird dream I had in 2011 about a pink and yellow lizard. This one could have been triggered by alcohol, or dating, neither of which agree with me.
When I was married, I had lots of dreams about drowning. Here’s one I had a few years later in 2013. Two others that stand out in my memory are as follows. Once when I was in a strange huge house with my whole family (including the ex’s), plus people from school, no one would listen to me that there was water coming up to the windows. Finally, we all had to go onto the roof. Another time I was in a carnival type ride with both my daughters and we ended up on the Coast Highway where everything was flooded. Supposedly these drowning dreams arise from feeling overwhelmed or suffocated by something. Or someone…
I had this dream about my mom in 2013. I think about Mom a lot and miss her so much. I’ve had plenty of other dreams with her in them, but they weren’t weird enough to remember. 💔
In 2016, I had a few dreams about driving (one with scary dogs). I’ve had many more dreams about driving, often where I’m not in the seat the right way and can’t reach the brake pedal. Driving scares me, so it makes sense I dream about it. One benefit of this bizarre year is that I’m in the car a lot less.
Lately, I don’t dream much (or my memory is immediately wiped). Maybe it’s because I don’t usually sleep that soundly, idk. I used to be such a great sleeper! Oh well… aging, whaddayagonna do?
It was fun to do the “research” for this post. Thanks, Fandango! 🙂 Sorry I couldn’t pick just one.
I thought I’d turn Fandango’s Provocative Question today into a pointless meander. He asks if I’ve ever had to make what turned out to be a life-changing decision and, if so, do I wish I could go back in time and change it, blah blah, what and why. There have been a few…
Generally, I begin with my foolish decision not to go to Northwestern U. I had no idea about “prestigious” colleges back then apart from the obvious Harvard, Yale, etc. I knew it was good I’d gotten accepted, but the gravitas of the decision was foreign to me. I behaved impulsively as a teen and things that went wrong were easily fixed. Everything felt inconsequential at the time. My parents didn’t seem to care, and after an argument with my mom, she decided she didn’t want to pay for NU, so I ended up at the University of Illinois in Champaign. It was a horrible experience, I dropped out, moved back home, and ended up in a series of dead-end, low-paying jobs.
Next, I moved from Chicago to Southern California with my parents at age 22. I’m not sure this was a great decision, though it would have been hard to stay in the city alone given my crappy jobs. But from the minute I stumbled off the plane to right now, I’ve had one giant migraine that never seems to disappear for good. I know I’d probably suffer from them wherever I lived, but it soured the whole experience for me. I remember being bombarded with the dazzling sunshine when we landed and feeling like I was going to pass out from the brightness and the pain.
Finally, I returned to college to finish my degree. But again, doh, I eschewed UCLA for Cal State because the freaking parking was easier. It seemed like an okay decision at the time, but it was yet another folly. Not that I had a bad experience at Northridge ~ I actually loved it all and appreciated my classes and the professors there. But until I had my own children I did not realize the importance of the name of a school. Whatever, at least I finished and that led me to the job I have now, which is good. But I got a late start at a career and retirement savings…
All the while this school/moving stuff was going on, I was also dating. Ugh, what a nightmare. I can’t blame online dating and culture such as it is now for my relationship issues, since I’ve had them all along. I am attracted to the wrong men, and that’s just the common denominator of the whole mess. I regret spending/wasting time with a lot of these guys, but I can’t regret my second marriage because my two wonderful daughters are my prize for sticking with it. I should have ended it sooner however. I definitely regret all the years I thought the marriage could be fixed and floated in limbo, taking no action to help myself move on.
I like to imagine that if I’d been single in my 40s I would have had a great romance and met my life partner, though that’s probably false. I would have simply made stupid dating decisions all that time too. Ugh, thinking about all this is an emotional drain… plus it’s all fantasy. I did what I did and here I am. The only thing to do is to slog on…