Visa

I received my shiny new Visa card, straight from the Bank of Nope.

What I really like about this one is my unlimited line of credit ~ I can use it as often as I wish and never run out of nope.

I confess I’ve been on a wild spending spree lately, flinging nope all over the place, and I’m sure after a while the thrill will wear off, but for now I’m having a grand old time noping just about everything that comes along.

Yesterday, the Bank of Nope invited me to join their Facebook group and recount my nope stories with other nopers, so I did that, and then some local nopers asked me to come hang out with them; I went, but today I realized I hadn’t noped for 24 hours.

It’s too late to nope now because I bought a ticket to the Nope Convention and agreed to carpool with other nopers, so it would be really rude to nope on them, plus one of the nopers is really cute.

Just now the bank notified me that my nope Visa has been terminated for fraud.

~*~
©️2023 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Denise’s Six Sentence Story 243 (visa).

The Gift

Her hands were trembling with excitement as she struggled to undo the knot that held the shiny silver bow around the crinkled paper — whatever could this be?!

It wasn’t often that a god condescended to bring a demi-goddess a gift for the holidays; they simply expected you to submit to their desires without any effort on their part to engage in sweet talk or caring behavior.

To her everlasting chagrin, her hands shook so much that she dropped the box and heard a distinct crunch, accompanied by a sloshing sound.

The god rolled his eyes and said, “I knew it was a mistake to come here and give you something precious.”

She stared at the broken blue planet leaking in her hands. “What should we do with it?”

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for the Six Sentence Story prompt.

Golden

In the yellowing autumnal wood,
A fairy spilled glitter hither and yon,
Gilding the floor with an amber glow,
While a demon watched from a bluff,
Desiring that gold dust for his own.
He ran to her with a greedy flush,
Swiping the magic from her hands;
He hissed at her with a raspy breath
To chant the spell to transfer wealth.
Faithfully, she obeyed his command
And turned him into a golden leaf;
The cold wind blew in from the north–
Soon the leaf was tattered and torn.
You are safe now dear soothed the trees,
As the fairy cried in her winter den,
She had already forgotten the evil one,
Mourning the leaf that might have been.

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for the Sunday Whirl Wordle 583 (bluff torn spill yellowing fairy breath greedy flush soothed safe hiss raspy).

Unexpected Guest [fss]

It was early in the morning, just after the crack of dawn, when I heard the insistent knocking at my door and I immediately knew it was Santa. Crap! I rushed to hide the evidence of my naughtiness, but he started yelling “Ho ho ho!” and I was afraid he’d wake the kids.

I opened the door and he barged right in as if he owned the place. “Hey Santa,” I said, lighting a spruce candle in a belated attempt to hide the pungent smell.

He placed the gifts under my tree, turned to me, and declared, “You’ve been a bad girl, Charlene.”

I hung my head in shame. “I know, I know. I’ve been so busy. I was just trying to relax before the kids start tearing through the house and completely forgot to clean out the chimney. I have cookies for you though.”

Santa plopped down on my sofa, pulled out his pipe, and filled it with weed. “Ahh, that’s better.” He sighed as he puffed away, and I gaped at him in shock.

“The spouse, er Mrs. Claus as you know her, is a bit draconian in her attempts to clean up my habits,” Santa explained. “No smoking, no sweets, no booze. She put a treadmill in my workshop!”

“I guess she’s just looking out for you,” I said. “But you deserve a break on Christmas Day after all your hard work.”

A big grin appeared behind his snowy beard. “My thoughts exactly, Char. And I knew you would understand and not judge.”

I passed him the cookies. “Help yourself. These have loads of butter and sugar, and they’re supremely delicious if I do say so myself. I don’t mean to push you out, but it’s almost light now.”

“Much appreciated!” Santa stuffed a handful of cookies in his bag and stood up. “I will be on my way. Merry Christmas, Charlene!”

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Fandango’s Story Starter 76.

The Lost Princess

The boisterous knights were drinking mead, munching on cupcakes, and telling tall tales around the fireplace when the King strode into the hall.

“Attention!” The King raised his arms for silence. “I need the least drunk one of you to go find my sweet Princess. She’s wandered off again.”

The knights rolled their eyes and muttered among themselves, and finally senior knight Caldor the Cunning nominated Tomkin the Twitchy for this most onerous of tasks.

Tomkin, being newly knighted, had no clue this was a hated chore and eagerly jumped up to serve his King. “I shall be pleased to ride out in this dastardly blizzard and fetch your daughter, Sire! It is a great honor to be chosen for this most important of missions.”

“It’s not my daughter, you idiot!” The King bellowed at poor Tomkin. “It’s Princess, my pet unicorn. Why is your eye twitching like that? Are you bespelled?”

“No, Sire!” Tomkin replied. “I stay far away from witches and devils. It’s because the talking bird pecked my face while I was still a babe in the cradle.”

The King waved him off. “Make haste! I don’t want Princess to catch the snow fever.”

Garley the Gaunt raised his cup in a toast. “Better Tomkin than any of us!” he cackled. “He will never find that foolish horse in all this snow.”

Caldor agreed. “‘Twill be a miracle for him not to lose his toes or a whole foot in this storm, if he returns at all. It hasn’t been this cold since the King was in short pants.”

“Tomkin shall return unharmed and victorious,” declared Muslik the Marbled. “He was kissed by a raven and thereby gifted the secret knowledge of all horned animals.”

Indeed, not a quarter hour had passed before young Tomkin re-entered the hall with Princess trotting behind him.

The elder knights gaped in astonishment. “How did you get her to follow you?” Garley inquired.

“Gave her half my cupcake,” Tomkin replied. “Unicorns love cupcakes.”

Caldor nodded at Muslik. “When you’re right,” he admitted, “you’re right.”

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Emma’s Wednesday Writing Prompt and Chelle’s Last Sentence Challenge.

Hitting the Jackpot

Fandango continues his Provocative Question series with this doozy (yesterday):

You just won a giant lottery jackpot. What are the first three things you’re going to do with the money you won?

1. After sharing the money with my girls, consulting with a tax attorney, setting up trusts, arranging charitable giving, etc., I would buy my dream home. I’d need to figure out where it should be located, though my inclination is to stay relatively close to where I am, which is roughly halfway between my daughters. It would not be an enormous, flashy house, but it would definitely contain a serious game room/great room with a huge TV, pool table, and comfy areas to play board games and/or host movie nights with friends. I’d also need a fabulous catio for Gatsby and his friends (I would adopt a couple more cats from the shelter).

2. I would hire people, such as a massage therapist, a chauffeur (guess I’d upgrade my Corolla, lol), housecleaners, etc. I would also need a gardener and a pool guy to keep the outside of my dream home in top shape. Yes, my property would include a lovely pool with a rock waterfall and some sort of beautiful, drought-friendly landscaping.

3. Finally, I’d buy a Sprinkles franchise.

It’s fun to imagine having gobs of money, but in general I’m too lazy to buy a lottery ticket, so…

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Two for Tuesday ~ Romcom Reviews

1. The Pumpkin Pie Wars (2016), on Prime. This was a relatively predictable romcom starring Eric Aragon and Julie Gonzalo, two extremely good-looking actors. It’s a Hallmark film, so it’s “family friendly” ~ no hot sex scenes or swearing. Obviously, the main characters were going to get together, so what was more interesting was the feud between their moms and how that all worked out. I thought the acting was excellent in this movie and the characters were well-cast, even though I hadn’t heard of any of these peeps before. It was fun watching them bake all the delicious pastry ~ expect to get hungry if you choose this flick!

2. You Cast a Spell on Me (2015), on Prime. Silly “plot,” but fun and cute in a campy way with witches and magic and business deals. Again, a good cast and nice chemistry between the leads (Ryan McPartin and Nikki DeLoach), not that they get very many scenes together. I think the writers forgot to tie up a thread: what was the heroine’s fiancé actually doing at the Hadron Collider in Switzerland? They looked up the fiancé, yet he wasn’t there. When the heroine calls him, he’s always super frazzled and can’t talk. What’s going on? Is he a spy? We don’t know! Again, we have a couple moms in the mix who are more interesting than the couple themselves. Is that a thing now? Must watch more romcoms to find out. Go moms!

I will regale you with more reviews soon!

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Powerball

Top of the news:
Powerball nears two billion–
Let’s all fantasize
About what we’d do if we won.
Lower down
Plane crash in Tanzania,
Russians bombing Ukraine,
But would we buy a Tesla,
A Jaguar, or a Ferrari?
Oh, why choose?
We could have all three
And drive as much as we pleased,
In spite of the price of gas.
Should we hire a chauffeur
And a masseuse? Naturally!
The world will be our playground.
Midterms on Tuesday,
Philadelphia mass shooting,
Iran gave drones to Putin,
But that tax burden
On our jackpot–
We’ll need to hire a team of CPAs.
Where should we build our dream home?
Let’s sort out our charities.
Mass layoffs at Twitter,
Fire in Manhattan,
Flu exploding everywhere,
Babies catching RSV;
I think I will include
An infinity pool
And an outdoor movie screen.
Aaron Carter dead at 34, so sad.
How many tickets should I buy?
Just one, right?
Since I’m destined to win
This time.

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for the Writer’s Digest 2022 PAD Chapbook Challenge (Day 6: news).

Great Will Suffice

Fred knew he shouldn’t have had that drink, even though it was on the house after he paid his bill. But once he began sipping the strangely delicious postprandial concoction, he couldn’t stop, only vaguely aware that his stamina wasn’t what it used to be. After, all it had been 15 years since his wild partying days in college, and now he spent his nights as a mundane food writer.

“How did you like your meal, Fred?” A grouchy looking woman holding a box stopped by his table.

Confused how she knew his name, Fred said, “Have we met?”

She ignored his question and opened the box, which contained an eclectic mix of items, though it was hard not to stare at the human skull, front and center. “Um… I think Halloween is over,” Fred said, feeling very uneasy.

“This is what happened to the last writer who left us a bad review,” she stated. “And we know where to find you, wherever you run, because you drank our tracking potion. So I ask again: how did you like your meal?”

“It was great!” Fred replied, terrified of this weird woman and her gruesome box. “The best grilled salmon I ever had in my life! And the green beans were utterly divine!”

She rolled her eyes and closed the box. “No need to sound ridiculous. Great will suffice.”

Fred nodded as he stood up to leave.

“And don’t forget to follow us on Instagram!”

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Reena’s Xploration Challenge.

Truthful Tuesday Do-Over

Collage of me, myself, and I

Would you like to be a child growing up in today’s world?

That’s the question Di @ Pensitivity101 asks for today’s episode of Truthful Tuesday. The only way I can even begin to tackle this question, which I am already ridiculously overthinking, is to imagine myself, as I was, with similar parents and resources, but set in the 2020’s as opposed to the 1960’s-1970’s.

My first impulse is eww no horrible. Today’s world sucks! That’s what all of us old people say as a knee-jerk response. There’s too much technology. Too many tests. Too little privacy. Bullies, drugs, porn, creeps, stalkers, liars, scammers, nasty politics, on and on. Just give me the good old days…

But wait. All that bad stuff was around in the ’60’s and ’70’s too. There was also an intolerance for anyone different from the norm, and I definitely was different. I may seem like an average white girl, but I was not, not where I grew up anyway. I was fat until I was anorexic. I was extremely unathletic. I was an awkward bookworm. I enjoyed board games and writing poetry. And I was an atheist. I am still all those things. But guess what? I’m happy and I have lots of friends. What’s the difference? Now, due to technology, it’s easy to find people I’m compatible with, while back then it was impossible. I was mocked relentlessly until I was ignored totally. There were years I had no friends, not one.

I try to imagine myself, the way I was, growing up now with a whole internet full of weirdos like me: kids who love word games, kids who don’t worship any gods, kids who don’t play sports, etc. Even if I were in a similar physical environment to the one I had back then, technology would open up a universe of other people I could talk to. Plus all the books! All the movies! So much to do that I would never be bored now as I was back then.

Maybe I wouldn’t have been so lonely and sad… maybe I would have been much more productive and confident, finished college the first time, gone to grad school, and become wildly successful. Woohoo!

I think I’ll take the do-over, thank you. Which way to the time machine?

~*~
©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.