Tag Archives: family

Little Blue Bear [socs]

Beanie Baby America

I have a little blue bear on my desk at work. He’s a Ty beanie baby named America and I bought him when he came out after 9/11, which was shortly after I began working here (I’m writing this Friday lunchtime and will schedule it to post Saturday morning). On the left side of his tag it says that 100% of the profits from the purchase of the bear will go to Red Cross Disaster Relief. On the right side it says: “In memory of those who lost their lives in the national catastrophe that took place on September 11, 2001. We mourn for them and express our deepest sympathy to their families. God Bless America.”

A lot has changed in 18 years. My parents have both passed on. I’m divorced. My two daughters both graduated college and have gotten married. One of them has a baby, which magically makes me a grandma. I’ve moved five times. I had a relationship with a married man for two and a half years. If you believe in “bad karma,” then this gave me mine and I’ve been unable to have a happy/successful romance since. I also had a couple minor car accidents, which were horribly upsetting at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad really.

In these 18 years, I’ve been a flame warrior on Usenet, made enemies and turned them into Facebook “friends,” and since I quit FB most of them have forgotten my existence again. Perhaps that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Friendster and Twitter and Snapchat and G+ and other “social sites” too dark and dirty to mention here. I’ve experimented with different lifestyles to see if they were for me (no), and they’ve greatly enriched my fiction and poetry writing.

I’ve written a lot during these years. So so much. Poetry, novels, short stories. Zillions of blog posts and tweets. Loads of emails and texts. Have had interesting text chats with many men that I thought might “go somewhere,” but they didn’t and here I am alone, which isn’t a bad thing after all. I’m not sure anyone could really put up with me now… and vice versa.

I find that as I trudge toward my seventh decade I’m more or less the same person I was at age 14. I like to read romance novels and write poetry. I love games and puzzles, kittens and puppies, cookies and pizza. I’m not a sophisticated adult type person with advanced tastes in wine and music. Give me rock & roll and mac & cheese, woo! I’m a homebody and enjoy simple comforts. A hot shower is bliss. As I age, I’ve learned that I get more easily stressed out by other people, so I have to limit my interactions with them.

But through all this, I’ve had a good job, where I’ve been treated well. And every work day, little blue bear has been there to greet me, no matter what else is going on. I am grateful/thankful for my job and for my side work too… and for my book sales even though I wish there were more. (I’ll keep writing regardless.) When I began this post, I assumed at some point I’d say something political, but really there’s no need.❤️🧁💙

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Four on Friday

Shamrock

From Rory’s Question Fun Directory!

1. Have you ever been afraid of the dark?

Yes, at various times. From age 11, when I comprehended my own death and nothingness, I spent a year or so utterly terrified and unable to sleep. I tried to talk to my parents, but they didn’t understand. Eventually, the thoughts just settled within me and I went on, but occasionally they surge up. When my ex moved out in 2009, I became afraid again and had to sleep with the TV on for a while. Sometimes now I have to keep a light on, just randomly.

2. Have you ever been arrested?

No.

3. What were your first thoughts this morning when you awoke?

My back hurts. It’s still so dark. Winter is coming. What horribleness is in the news? Did anyone like my twitter poem from last night? (Yes!)

4. If you could have witnessed anything around the world in whatever time zone, what would you have loved to have seen first hand?

All of the world without people on it yet.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

People Are Like Cookies

Chocolate chip cookies

Beckie @ Beckie’s Mental Mess has a wonderful continuing series on various mental/emotional issues, and this week her focus is on introversion, a topic I apparently suggested (not that I have any memory of doing so). Soon, she’ll tackle amnesia, I hope! 😂

I’m going to answer the prompt questions that Beckie posted.

1. Are you more Isolated or Introverted?

I’m an introvert. I prefer to be alone or in small groups of close friends/family where we can have meaningful conversation. I also enjoy lots of online interaction. But I’m not isolated ~ most days I interact a little with actual people face to face and that’s fine.

2. Do you feel that there is a difference between the two?

Absolutely. You can be an introvert in the middle of a city, preferring not to talk to others while surrounded by people; while another person might be isolated due to circumstances, but not be introverted and love big parties.

3. What are the causes of being Isolated or Introverted?

Isolated can be by choice or circumstances. Introversion/extroversion traits are hardwired. I have always been exactly how I am.

4. Does your family/friends/co-workers question your behavior when you crave alone time and/or do not want to be bothered?

They don’t generally get fussed about my need for alone time. Some people have a bit of trouble understanding why I don’t wish to attend massive gatherings. A dozen or so people in a room is about the extent of my comfort level. More than that increases the noise to a point where the sound is just a wall crushing my head. There’s no way to have a real conversation either and I can’t stand nodding and smiling at BS.

I’m not talking about big open spaces like fairs or even restaurants that are designed for a lot of people. I’m talking about large social events where people are mashed together in rooms to be with each other. I just hate that. Why would I choose to go to such a thing when I could stay home with my boo kitty?🐱

5. Have you spoken to a therapist/psychiatrist in regards to being Isolated/Introverted?

No. Why would I? I’m fine!

6. What is a normal day being in your shoes?

I commute to work alone in my car to a small office where there is a moderate amount of talking, depending on the day and what needs to be done. Some days I’ll have a phone chat with one or both of my daughters for 20 minutes or so. Generally, I don’t socialize much with friends during the workweek. At night, I’ll do extra work, read, blog, etc.

7. If you were ever asked to go to dinner/party, would you go?  If not, what kind of excuses have you made up to get out of going?

Most weekends I do some sort of social thing that includes dinner, usually a potluck, followed by board games. But it’s with a reasonable number of people, like 10, not 100. Sometimes I’ll go to lunch with one friend, or to the movies with a few, or drive up to Los Angeles to hang with my family and whoever else might be at their place. I am not opposed to people! But they do need to be rationed, like cookies. Too many at once and I’ll just barf.🤮

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

My MBA from Blogger U

Mystery Blogger Award

Big thanks goes out to Rory @ A Guy Called Bloke for gifting me the MBA. Very much appreciated! Rory has a fantastic blog, and he’s made a lot of cool changes to its look and navigation recently, so it’s much easier to find all his neato stuffs. Personally, I’m partial to his 4-Question Challenges and 321 Quote Me’s. This year’s Valentine’s Challenge inspired me to write some fun series stories, which people seemed to enjoy. I also look forward to reading Rory’s clever poetry and his adventures with Suze and Scrappy.

So, if you haven’t visited Rory in a while, I suggest you run, hop, roll, fly, scooter, or use whatever means available to you in order to have a look around the place. Except please do avoid crossing rivers on the backs of crocodiles ~ I hear that’s not a great idea.

Crocodile with butterfly

Now, onto the T’s & C’s. You know what a stickler I am for da rules. 😂

After thanking my giftee giver (done) and linking back (ditto), I’m supposed to now mention this dude what began the whole mystery jamboree: Okoto Enigma.

Alrighty then. What next?

Oh, I’m supposed to mention three things about myself. One, I’m wearing blue nail polish. Two, I exercised before work today, go me! Three, I love pluots (plum/apricot hybrids).

Next, I’m to answer the five questions Rory posed for his giftees.

1. Are we losing the art of listening in comparison to simply hearing?

People have always tuned others out, whether by hiding behind a newspaper or turning up the TV or whatever. What’s new is that it’s now become socially acceptable to be rude in one specific way: by sticking our faces in our phones.

Forex, I go to social gatherings pretty often, sometimes at restaurants and sometimes at people’s homes. Generally, we eat and then play board games. While it would be weird and obnoxious for someone to bring a book and start reading at dinner or in the middle of a game, it’s perfectly fine for people to constantly check their phones and even to engage in lengthy texting while with the group. I’ve been guilty of this behavior myself on occasion, but I try to avoid it because I notice how annoying it is when others do it. I’ll have a quick text exchange with a daughter and that’s it. In fact, one of my girls commented late last Saturday night how strange it was I hadn’t replied to them within my usual 5-second timeframe.

Of course, you can’t pay proper attention to the people around you and listen to what they’re saying when you’re buried in a text chat or game on your phone. It’s obviously obvious and I’m working on it myself. I’ve been trying to be more present for people. It takes an effort, like anything else.

2. How often do you openly discuss with friends or here in WP with your readership topics that make you feel uncomfortable or may be taboo or stigma laden?

There are topics I avoid, such as politics, because I find the inevitable conflicts unnecessary. Sometimes I’ll comment on other people’s blogs about an issue, but even then I’m careful. I used to discuss politics on Facebook and it got so hostile and boring. Same arguments over and over. What’s the point?

Shrug

3. Do you think that these discussions should be freely discussed and written about more?

I think we are inundated with politics and most of it is utter trash. We would all be better off with much less of it occupying our attention. Take the Alabama Sharpie ridiculousness ~ it should never have been newsworthy, and it’s everyone’s fault. No one can let something go. Every minute scrap of idiocy must be banged on about to the fucking death for the clicks and lulz. Nastiest comment wins!

4. Did you have a nickname as a child and if so, what was [or what is it now]?

No. People mostly ignored me, same as now. Occasionally, they were mean, such as when a boy in 4th Grade told me my glasses made me look like Ben Franklin. But no one began calling me Ben; they just resumed ignoring me.

Ben Franklin


5. Why is there still ‘stuff’ we simply just don’t understand despite our progressive world?

Why is there stuff? Welp, it’s only recently in the grand scheme of things that we’ve begun to understand anything really. Sure, maybe the ancients had some clues about this or that, but the masses of folks…

Oh, what am I saying? The masses of folks are still hopelessly anti-science and would let the entire planet choke and die for some woozy goozy gibberish about a sky fairy swooping down to save a few and whisking them off to some candy cloud castle or whatever.

Progressive? Bah.

Crabby

For the grand finale, I’m supposed to give the award to 3 more bloggers and create 5 more questions yada… however! This blog is an Answer-Only blog. Yep. I have the official certificate here somewhere… hang on please…

Gold star to answer questions only

That’s the Mystery Award done and dusted!

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Creative Fources

Shamrock

More Q’s from Rory, S1g4.

What truly motivates you to write?

Depends on the day. Could be a need to express emotion, which I tend to do best via the written word. Could be a need to express the joy of creativity, like yesterday when I wanted to capture how I felt about a beautiful painting of purple flowers. Or maybe I want to challenge myself with a writing prompt outside my usual genre simply to see if I can do it well. Sort of like an intellectual puzzle.


What’s cluttering up your life today and what are you doing about it?

I have a to-do list full of lots of unfinished writing (and other) projects, which bothers me, but I’m always running out of time for all the things. At this very moment, I’ve just finished my weekend paying work, which took me too long because I was texting in between, and now I still have cleaning I want to do. It’s almost 5pm though and it would be nice to relax tonight before work Monday, but I really can’t. This post is my break. Maybe in a couple hours I’ll blog more, or read.


Did you enjoy a creative childhood?

I think so, though there could always be more. I read a lot and began writing little poems early on. I had sketchbooks and paints, and loads of beads for bracelets and such. My mom loved arts & crafts, so we always had something going on ~ candle making, latch hook rugs, macrame, knitting blankets for dolls, etc. Each was a fad, but fun.


Have you ever wanted to write a book or if you have written a book do you feel accomplished for doing so?

I have written books… and at first I did feel accomplished, but now not so much really. My first one was easy because I simply globbed together previous writing, edited it a bit, and made a cover. I was thrilled to have some sales and grateful for each one. When I completed an entire novel though (while working full-time), it felt like a huge deal. I had amazed myself! But then I did it a few more times, so eh whatever. And it turns out that zillions of people are writing novels while working full-time. Plus, they are also finding the time to market their books properly and get way more sales and do promos and send newsletters and tweet and do Facebook ads and so knowing this…

I actually feel like a failure a lot of the time. Like, why did I bother sinking so fucking much of my time into writing? I could have just been watching TV like a normal person and reading romance novels written by others. Blogging sure, since I enjoy that and there’s no expectations. But I did think I’d “get somewhere” with my writing. No, not on the NYT bestseller list, but not a flatline week after week on Amazon either.

I’ve been taking a writing break because I feel so down about it all. And no, I’m not fishing for praise or rah-rah follow your dream type pep talks. Just venting. Maybe someone will come along and commiserate. We can be writing quitter buddies.

The Daily Four

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Fours Be With Me

Shamrock

From Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Welcome to The Daily Four!

Today’s Questions to the Readers are….

How important is your birth family to you?

The children I gave birth to? Well, they’re the most important things in the world, thank you for asking! I realize that popping out a couple of new humans isn’t exactly the greatest accomplishment ~ apparently it’s been done kazillions of times ~ but my creations are much specialer than anyone else’s because reasons.

What gets too much attention in the news?

Eggs. Effing tired of eggs already. One week they’re fine, the next week they’ll kill you. Then some new study comes out saying you can have a moderate amount (sorry, Cool Hand Luke)… but oopsy no wait! That was wrong and they’re back to little ovals of death again. Just go away egg stories. Roll on out of mah life!

If you could change 3 things about your country, what would you change?

Welp, I’d switch NYC and Las Vegas around, so it would be easier to visit New York, get some good pizza, and see a Broadway show. I don’t really care about Vegas, so nbd there.

Next, I’d fix Kansas and Arkansas so they were either pronounced the same or spelled differently because wtf? That’s really weird and confusing!

Finally, I’d have more Federal Holidays, honoring our Presidents, or whatever, on every Monday, so each work week would be four days. WHO IS WITH ME ON THIS?

What fact amazes you every time you think of it?

How cute kitties are! 😻

Rory’s Daily Four

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF13: Portlandia!

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on August 30, 2015, exactly four years ago.

Portlandia!

Diane and I went to Portland, Oregon for a few days ~ it was so much fun! I love this city. The vibe was so mellow and friendly. Everything was clean. Great place,  fab food, beautiful gardens… wanna go back someday. 

https://goo.gl/photos/yUc8V8k3vWwxCoor6

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Daily Four ~ 08/26/19

Shamrock

From Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Welcome to The Daily Four!

Today’s Questions to the Readers are….

What was the worst thing you did as a child?

I got a C in penmanship when I was 10. It made my mom angry and she in turn created my OCD monster, or lured it out. Lots of unfortunate things resulted from this event.

Growing up, what was your ideal dream job and did you bring that to a reality at all?

I had various dreams at various times: scientist, writer, journalist, etc. But I didn’t pursue any of them seriously.

What were the things you both liked and hated about your schooling?

I loved the educational parts of school: reading, writing, even tests (because I was good at them). I hated anything to do with gym or sports or forced social interaction, like Valentine exchanges.

Where there is a will, there is a way! Do you agree?

Somewhat. Forex, I could never be a ballet dancer because I don’t have the innate talent, but if that’s something I loved, I could have been part of that world in some other way, such as a set designer. (Just using this as an example; I don’t care about ballet!)

I think, when we’re younger, we tend to work harder at relationships. Maybe they don’t seem like “work” then. We’re not so inflexible and intolerant about so many things. We decide to be friends or to be in a romance or to pursue a career goal, and we will it to work, whether it’s long-distance or in another culture or whatever. We shrug at hardships and “odds” of failure. Pffft! Failure! We’ll be the special, stand-out case.

But then life happens and most of us non-delusional people (key phrase) come to understand that we aren’t that special. We’ve failed at things we were positive couldn’t go wrong. We’ve been rejected for jobs we snootily assumed we were too good for. We’ve been dumped by dates who weren’t even as smart and cute as we were. Geez!

We start recalculating those odds of failure. We start to understand rejection is the norm whenever we send in a query letter. We start assuming that the next coffee meet is likely not going to be our soul mate. We quit going outside our comfort zone, since even things inside it aren’t sure bets.

What’s sadly ironic is that when we’re young and more inclined to plow ahead with sheer “will,” we probably have less experience and talent to get our “way.” Later when we have experience, talent, knowledge, etc., we have less will to try because of past failures weighing us down, so we just la la around and say meh why bother? I won’t get my way.

I’m sure Rory didn’t want all this gobble goop, but like whatever.

The Daily Four

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon

Laura’s Music Challenge 28

Walking across piano keys with music notes in the air

Oh, hello again Monday. I thought I had more time, but here you are. Let’s make things more fun by joining Laura’s song challenge, shall we? 🎶

1. Post a video of a song that reminds you of a loved one.

This one’s for my parents ~ always fighting, but together until she passed away.

2. Post a video of a song that mentions a food or drink.

Gotta get Weeeeird!

3. Post a video of a song that talks about rain or sunshine.

I like country music, so there!

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Mystery Questions!

I would like to extend a big thanks to the very funny and lovely Beckie for giving me this award. Thank you! There’s so much to enjoy at her blog ~ quotes, poetry, insights, cute birdie pics, etc. I hope you’ll check it out if you haven’t yet.

Like many bloggers, I’m happy to get noms and awards, and I’ll answer questions as I have time, but I don’t create new questions or tag others. Thanks for understanding!

“The Mystery Blogger Award is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there, and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging, and they do it with so much love and passion.”

Wow! 😻 And these are Beckie’s questions.

1. What are your aspirations in life?

– To continue working as much as I can, writing as much as I can, spending time with family as time permits, taking care of health and home, and doing good things.

2. If you had $5000, what charity would you donate it to?

– The SPCA.

3. What is your favorite kind of music to chill out to?

– Oldies rock.

4. How would you rate your experience on WordPress?  1 being lowest, 10 being highest.

– 7

5. Have you gained real friendships through blogging?

– Real meaning in person, no. Real meaning people I chat with via email outside of blogging about other things, yes.

Okay, now I’m going to include questions from Di that she opened up to all. I thought they were good ones, and that’s no surprise as Di is another blogger whose posts I enjoy daily. I hope you’ll go visit if you haven’t already.

1. Are you an only child? If so, do you wish you had siblings? If not, do you wish you were?

– I am the only child of my parents. But I did find out when I was 25 that my mother had another baby, a girl, when she was 20 that she gave up for adoption. I always wished for a sibling, particularly a sister. My mother did not want any contact with her though, so I respected this, until she and my father passed on. Since then, I’ve been trying to find my half-sister, with no luck. It makes me sad because she did reach out to my mother first, and was rebuffed, and now I have no way of finding her, assuming she’s alive.

2. Do you do your main shopping on the internet?

– Everything but groceries.

3. What kind of vehicle do you drive?

– Toyota Corolla.

4. If you were a colour, what would that be?

– Ultraviolet 💜

5. How many awards has your blog been nominated for?

– I haven’t kept count!

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.