TSAONGAF 1

TSAONGAF is the abbreviation for Mark Manson’s self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’ve read MM’s articles with some regularity, and last week I read his bestselling book. It was a great experience for me and I learned a lot. As I said earlier, I’m going to blog about some of my thoughts on his various concepts.

What does MM mean by not giving a f*ck? He points out that most of us are wrapped up in caring about so many things that we feel perpetually entitled to a perfect world and freak out when things don’t go how we want. I guess you could say that our giving f*cks too freely has turned us into a bunch of whiny Karens. MM suggests we drill down to our basic values (and change them if they aren’t working for us), and then find the few, important things to focus on. “Let the little things go.” We’ve heard that before, right?

Obsessing over way too many unimportant details has been a huge problem for me my whole life. I can’t simply decide not to and that’s that. “Don’t do that” is a negative statement, and when you focus on a negative, well, you know what happens. “Don’t eat potato chips”… now all you can think about are potato chips. I’ve been trying to substitute the negative statements with positive ones. Focus on work. Pay attention to family. Engage in self-care routines. Get more sleep and exercise. Read more books.

Focusing on these positives has had the effect of pushing some of the trivial crap away. It really does work. I don’t have time (or the inclination) to engage in social media arguments (a huge source of past stress) when I’m in the middle of a good book. If I’m filling my time with pleasurable activities, I’m less inclined to click on a new dating site “just to see.” I know that leads down a bad path. I can step back now. It’s a bit harder in some areas, such as driving ~ I still get enraged when someone does a dangerous maneuver. What does MM say about that?

It’s okay for life to suck sometimes, is what he says. We are not entitled to a perfect life, and there’s no need to feel inadequate when something fails to be perfect. So I had a frustrating drive to Los Angeles. That’s just how it is some days and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or the way I’m living my life. Sometimes traffic is sucky and frustrating. That’s okay. I literally had this ridiculous conversation in my head the other week. I was so stupid for letting my daughter go to UCB. She had a full ride to UCD and wouldn’t have met her future husband there probably. I’d have more money now and wouldn’t have to make this horrible drive when I want to see her. God, I’m so dumb!

But then I got to her house (a half hour later than expected) and had such a great time with my family. I’m not “dumb” because there was a detour and some other drivers were being rude and awful. It’s okay for things to suck sometimes. I’m not entitled to perfection. It’s hard though to keep that mindset all the time… I’m constantly reminding myself to stay positive and not dwell on small annoyances. Being positive is more of a habit now than it used to be though, so I am improving. Slowly.

Okay, that’s the end of this PoiMo. I’ll do more MM musing another time. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

Friday Night Q’s

Lovely Di @ pensitivity101 has offered us some interesting questions…

1.  What is your first childhood memory?

Waving goodbye to someone. They were on a train and my mom held me to wave. It was probably my father’s parents. I was around 2 years old.

2.  If you dive, what was your first car?

I don’t dive… I dislike going in the water at all. 🤣 I drive though, and the first car I owned was a Renault.

3.  Do you prefer sweet or savoury foods?

4.  Before the lockdown, were you comfortable in a crowd?

I was okay with small groups of friends, 4-10 being the ideal number. I may never go to a fair or concert again because I can’t imagine ever feeling okay about a huge crowd, not that I liked them previously.

5.  Are you a night or day person?

Lately, my sleep schedule has been all messed up. I probably am most productive in the late afternoon and early evening.

6.  Favourite past time?

Writing and reading.

7.  What makes you laugh?

Wordplay mostly.

8.  What makes you cry?

Thinking about my mom…

9.  Compared to your school days, are you more or less creative now?

About the same.

10. What is you pet hate/peeve?

People! 😡

11. What kind of blogs interest you enough to follow?

I like eclectic blogs where the blogger writes poetry and/or short fiction, maybe has a prompt going on to share, and also talks about themselves a little. I don’t like blogs that link news articles (as a whole post) and/or blather endlessly about news in an impersonal way. I don’t want to read conspiracy theories nor will I tolerate even the slightest hint of racism or antisemitism. And if a blog is about selling me something, it had better be interesting and funny.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Happy Color.

FPQ74: The Reopening

Fandango provocatively asks…

Which pre-pandemic activities are you ready to resume (or have you already resumed)? Which, if any, pre-virus activities are you likely to continue to avoid?

I have been going into my office a couple times per week and am totally fine with resuming a full-time schedule. There are only a few of us in a large suite and we hardly get any visitors. I will likely bring my own lunch so as not to deal with the cafe.

I’ve already been to my dentist for a normal cleaning and X-rays. I felt perfectly safe. They took my temperature as I came in and everyone was masked. I would also be okay with going to a regular doctor, if necessary.

When I grocery shop or go into other crowded public places, I wear a mask, even if it’s not required. I plan to continue doing this indefinitely. It’s uncomfortable, but I think it’s worth it. 😷

As I mentioned, I’ve visited my family in LA and have had a socially distant BYO picnic with friends. I’d probably be okay with outdoor dining at a regular restaurant. But maybe not… can’t predict how crowded it might get.

I want to get my hair cut and colored, but my daughter talked me out of it. I guess I can wait or figure out some DIY alternative.

I want to visit my older daughter in NorCal, but I’m definitely not ready to deal with either airports or flying. I could drive, but that’s a huge PITA. We shall see… 😞

While I find it enjoyable to hear the sounds of people having fun at our community pool, I’m not ready to join them. Not that I was a pool person in the first place. We also have a great gym though, but I’m not eager to go back there either. I’ll be passing up all peopley events for the foreseeable future, such as fairs or festivals or concerts or movies or even (my favorite) game nights with a bunch of people touching stuff.

Not worth the risk.

~*~

Images from Fandango and Pexels.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Like A Buttered Eel…

Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m talking about Monday and how it slip-slid away from me. All day I was thinking about making a post ~ there were some truly great prompt words that went together nicely (depression, zilch, connect, human, etc.). But I needed to do other things first, mainly work, but also laundry, and I’m determined to start carving out time for exercise (I did). I also cooked a grilled cheese and tomato sandwich, then had to clean up the dishes. Naturally, I made time for chatting with my family because that’s important too. Upshot is that I didn’t open up a new post until 11PM. By that time, the prompts had faded into new ones and I lost my motivation to create fiction.

Speaking of, I’ve been working a lot on Ghosted again. I’m very pleased with the progress right now. It’s always been tricky for me to get the crime just right… complex enough to be interesting, but not so ridiculous that no one can follow what’s going on. It is mainly a family drama after all. And a love story, of course. Where would we be without love stories? I’m not sure my pacing is so great, but I really need it to stay how it is. I’ll edit it at least once more though.

I do have a smile for Trent this week and I’ll write that up tomorrow. Maybe I’ll do the SYW for Melanie too. It didn’t really grab me tonight. Sadje has an interesting picture to prompt us… maybe I can do something with that. And I look forward to the FPQ on Wednesday, as always.

I have loads of books ready to read on my Kindle, but I think I’m gonna try to get a few extra ZZZ’s tonight. Catch you tomorrow!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found at Pixabay.

TOOBA Time

First, I give big thanks to both Rory and Sadje for thinking of me for this award! 😍❤️😘 I really appreciate it. Next, like many here, I do not follow the rules of these award posts. I’m not posting the rules and I’m not tagging peeps or writing new questions. If you want to grab these (some or all, feel free). I consider all my readers worthy of an award for spending time on my posts. Finally, I’m not linking back to the site where this award originated because that’s just giving someone blog views when they haven’t done anything. Also, I don’t see this image anywhere on their site, so idk where it came from.

Questions from Rory:

1. Did you live an adventurous young adult life as in between your later teens to you early thirties and if you did what was your life style like …

No.

2. …… if you didn’t what was your lifestyle like?

I was boring, like now. I’ve never been particularly adventurous. My lifestyle was about working, finishing college, getting married, starting a family. Back then, I watched a lot more TV.

3. What was the riskiest date you ever went on and why?

Probably driving up to Hollywood from Irvine in freaking rush hour to meet this gross man who liked my writing and was allegedly in “the biz” and said he would help me. When he realized I wasn’t attracted to him, he became angry.

4. How big a child are you still?

Not much, though I can be silly with kids and they like me. I’m a serious person though and not very spontaneous.

5. What will you simply not do for money OR is that question easier to answer favourably reflective upon the sum of actual money offered?

How much are we talking about? 🤣

Questions from Sadje:

A. Which is your favorite dish to cook?

I like making a big mishmash of sautéed veggies with pasta.

B. What new skills you have acquired in last three months?

FaceTime and Zoom 😜

C. What scares you the most, (person or thing)?

Other drivers.

D. Are you able to fix technical problems on you devices?

Not if they go beyond restarting.

E. What is your preferred way of traveling?

Hologram.

F. If you are asked to donate on of your five senses, which one would you choose?

Smell.

G. How do you like to dress, trendy or comfy?

Like my Bitmoji!

~*~

Images from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

30 Day Book Challenge 2

I’m going to do this challenge in groups of 6 so that I will have only 5 posts total in June on this topic instead of one per day which would be an annoying chore. Here are my second set of books…

7. I don’t like audiobooks; silence is my jam. I do love to read on vacation though, but not in a car (barf). For a fast-paced, fun, suspense novel, I recommend Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn if you haven’t gotten to that yet. It’s so unexpectedly well done. I just love the way Flynn draws us in to the husband’s version of his missing wife’s story with the easy, conversational style so that we really feel like we know what’s going on… but then Flynn switches to the other voice. Whoops. Good stuff. I bet it would be great in audio, if you enjoy listening to books.

8. Dunno about everybody, but cat lovers as well as anyone who enjoys poignant, heart-warming, and witty storytelling in general might consider reading Peter Gethers’ The Norton Trilogy, an absolutely lovely series of books about Gethers’ adorable and brilliant Scottish Fold kitty Norton. I must confess that I’ve only read the first and last book, since that’s what was available to me at the time, but if I were to start fresh, I’d buy the trilogy as a set.

9. Hmm, I don’t have one favorite book to give as a gift, although I must say that books are my favorite gifts to give. Who doesn’t love books?! I know I do (hint, hint). I’ve already given Goodnight Moon to my granddaughter ~ every baby must have that one (plus loads of others too!). Cookbooks can be nice gifts (for people who enjoy cooking obvs). One of my friends always appreciates the latest Stephen King novel. Another likes bios of his favorite musical artists.

10. Not sure if they were “happy tears,” but When We Believed in Mermaids by Barbara O’Neal made me cry. What an excellent book this was! I highly recommend it, especially to anyone who enjoys family dramas and/or surfing. So good.

11. I’d love to meet Archy McNally of the Lawrence Sanders’ detective novels. Archy is such a fun and interesting guy! But just dinner, okay? I know how he is. Charming, witty, sexy, and so flirtatious… but he is a cad and he always goes back to Connie. Why she puts up with him who even knows. Perhaps I could change him though. Maybe he simply hasn’t met the right woman yet? Interesting idea. I guess I could be open to the possibility of more than dinner if the vibe was right…

12. A popular book I hate? Any book by Nicholas Sparks! Ick ick ick. I can’t stand his writing. I’m also not a fan of hobbits or Potter. Or that Dan Brown book they made into a movie with Tom Hanks. What was the name of that? Horrible. I’ve blocked it from my mind. Maybe I should end this post now… hehehe…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image stolen from Sandmanjazz.

5 Things [I Miss During Lockdown]

1. I miss going to work in my office every day. I’m one of those rare souls who dislikes working from home. I don’t like to slob around in grungy clothes, graze at the fridge all day, and procrastinate until I end up doing my work late at night. So annoying! Not to mention all the noise from gardeners, cats, etc. I like to work at work.

2. I miss playing Ticket to Ride, my favorite board game. Other games are doable over Zoom (not that I like Zoom that much, different issue), but you really need to play TTR in person. I could go on indefinitely with remote games… except for the loss of TTR.

3. I miss being able to grab a coffee in a Starbucks (or wherever) and sit for a few minutes while zoning out with my phone… or even having lunch somewhere by myself at a little table and reading on my phone or gazing out the window. I guess we can start doing this again, but I’m not inclined to expose myself to germs for no reason. It just seems foolish.

4. I miss being able to fly up to Northern California to see my daughter and her hubby, and I don’t feel comfortable flying yet or going through an airport. Maybe I’ll drive up at some point, though that’s no fun at all. Seven hours on the road each way, gah.

5. I miss being able to hang out with my younger daughter in Los Angeles and her family, go to the park, or grab lunch, whatever. I can see them now, but it’s still pretty limited.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

I don’t remember where I grabbed this TTR image. How are we supposed to keep track of all the images floating around in our library?

Written for Dr. Tanya’s #5Things Prompt.

Silly Sharing

I was thinking about switching to the new SYW pic Melanie has up for this week’s post, but I love this old one too much to give it up. Let’s get to the questions, shall we? 😀

1. How comfortable are you speaking in front of large groups of people?

I’m not comfortable with large groups of people period. (This predates the virus.) Sometimes I don’t even want to be in small groups either! But I can speak if I have to. I did a couple rounds of open mic stand-up comedy in front of 50 folks or so to prove I could. I also gave a speech at my daughter’s wedding in front of around 75 people. But I’d rather not do those types of things ever again.😝

2. What would be the best thing you could reasonably expect to find in a cave?

My common sense after peering in to tell me to turn right around and get the hell out of there. 🦇

3. What did you think was going to be amazing but turned out to be horrible?

My last romance (2016). 💔

4. What’s the silliest thing you’ve observed someone get upset about?

I observed the entire internet collectively freak out over an unsatisfactory ending to a TV show we’d all been watching for some time. People were very angry because the wrong character killed the bad guy and the beautiful queen destroyed a city and on and on. Folks are still complaining about it over a year later. 🙄

Gratitude:
Please feel free to share something that gave you an uplifted spirit during this past week.  (Optional)

Well… I already shared how thrilled I was to see my family last Tuesday (yikes, was that a week ago already?)… just talking to them over FaceTime since then, I guess. I’m very grateful for that technology especially now with my little granddaughter so we can see each other. 😍 It’s great when my eldest can join in too.

~*~

No clue where this image is from, but it’s not mine.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Fancy Pants [socs]

I’m a fan of the fancy. I’m not talking about high-end, expensive items, but the faux, the fake, and the fantastically ridiculous. I love sequins and sparkles, feathers and fishnets, glitter and glam. It’s all fun! When my girls were little, we had a huge box of crazy dress-up clothes and silly jewelry to play with. None of it was pricey, since I didn’t want to worry about losing it or breaking it. It was just for the love of color and fabric and texture. I used to adore Halloween and Ren Faire too, but all good things must come to an end. My fancy pants days are over… and it’s not a sad thing. I simply got tired of all that, plus my eyes are old and itchy and it’s hard to wear make-up now. A glitzy outfit feels incomplete if I can’t wear sparkly eye shadow and loads of black mascara too. When I moved, I dumped all my fancies. Well, almost all… I still have my red sparkly shoes.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Imaged credited to Bitmoji.

Good Things Come in Threes

Well, bad things do too, or so goes the superstition, but this post is about good stuff. We need some of that right now, or at least I do. Today, three prompts go happily together:

1. Fandango’s Provocative Question #72: “What is the one thing in life that you are most excited about right now? Why?”
2. Eugi’s Weekly Prompt: “Gratitude.”
3. And last, but not least, Trent’s Weekly Smile.

Yesterday morning I drove to Los Angeles to celebrate my granddaughter’s second birthday. I brought a giant bag of gifts with me. The original plan was to have a “distance” party in the park, but we didn’t feel safe outdoors, given the insanity, so we stayed inside. It’s the first time I’ve seen family in person since the beginning of March. We’ve all been very careful, so we decided to go ahead and spend a couple hours together. Oh my gosh, it did my heart good to be with this angel not to mention my own sweet daughter and son-in-law as well. We FaceTime’d with my eldest over a birthday pizza lunch too. I was so grateful for the opportunity to finally see (some of) my loved ones in person! There were smiles galore for hours… I left at 1:30 to make sure I was back in Orange County well before any curfews began. This little girl is an absolute joy to be around! I am so excited to spend more time with her very soon, maybe next week. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images credited to Bitmoji and me.