PFF6 ~ Forgettable

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on July 12, 2017, a mere two years ago. Some people (women) are unforgettable, larger than life, and you retain vivid memories of them decades after your last meeting. Even if you’ve only met them briefly, something about their looks or vibe is utterly captivating.

I’m not one of these women. People forget me instantly. They forget my name and that they ever met or knew me. Men who slept with me don’t even recall it. I’m bland and ephemeral. Light as air. I should have been a spy, blending into the scenery wherever I roamed. I do like staying home though.

Windsong

I can’t seem to forget you…
Your Windsong stays on my mind.

Remember that commercial for the Prince Matchabelli perfume from 1980? I thought about it tonight when I unexpectedly ran across someone online from years ago and remembered him, but he had no memory of me at all. It was so vivid for me too, that connection we had during a time that was intense and painful for both of us, about a decade ago, and yet… it clearly meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. He apologized for failing to remember me, but it’s happened before, many times.

When I messaged this man, I was so… buoyant. I think that’s a good word for the emotion I felt earlier today. I had to shop at Target, and the whole time I was a bit floaty, thinking to myself how wonderful it would be to chat with someone who knew me from the time before… before the divorce, before my mother was gone. Why this is important to me, I don’t know. But it is. And so for a couple hours I felt light and happy, certain that my life would take a new direction as the man and I renewed our friendship.

I came home, put my stuff away, fed my kitty, fed the feral kitties (all three were around tonight!), got a snack, logged back on, and after a little while a message arrived. The man did not remember me. Oh well. Then that old commercial jingle popped into my head and I wondered if it would be possible to find it on YouTube. Of course… first hit.

[I replaced the dead video with a new one.]

An Award! 🌸

Lovely Linda has lavished me with a Liebster! Thank you so much, Linda! 💖

First, I’m to present 11 facts about myself. Yes, the dreaded 11… why 11? I don’t know. But there’s nothing to be done about it. Off we go.

1. I’m a single mom of two fabulous adult daughters, and I do take a lot of credit for the fact that they’re both wonderful people.

2. I’ve worked for the same company for 18 years.

3. I’ve been married and divorced twice.

4. I was born in Sleepy Hollow, NY, but I never saw the Headless Horseman.

5. I lived in Chicago, IL for several years, and it was freezing. 🥶

6. I tried to find my soul mate after my last divorce, but nothing worked out, so now I just write all the time.

7. I’ve self-published 6 books of poetry and fiction as Paula Light. 😀

8. One of them will be available in audio shortly.

9. I’ve also self-published 2 romance novels and several short erotica stories as Anna Fondant. 🔥

10. Someone is narrating my first romance novel right now, so it should be available as an audiobook soon.

11. I have a bazillion more novels, novellas, short stories, and collections planned out to write, edit, and self-publish before I die. 🙃

Okay then. Now I’m supposed to answer some specific questions. Guess how many there are? Eleven again. Yeppers.

1. How important is Wi-Fi for you? Is warm running water or wireless internet more important?

This looks suspiciously like two questions to me. Can I get a ruling? Wi-Fi is very important, but obviously warm running water is more important. I don’t want to be boiling pots of water on the stove to wash my hair in the sink. Annoying! 😠

2. Name your favourite blogger (any genre).

Whoever gives me compliments is my fave.

3. If you have to pick a place to settle down forever, where would it be and why?

I’d like to be, under the sea, in an octopus’s garden, in the shade… 🐙

4. What is one silly moment you’ve had that you’d like to share?

I went to CVS yesterday for eyedrops and saw they were having a greeting card sale. I got so excited by the cute cards I forgot my vow to quit buying cards because they’re a waste and I picked out three. Then I forgot to notice if the cashier gave me the third one for free like the sale said. This morning I checked my receipt and of course she charged me for all of them.

5. What is your favourite trait about yourself?

I’m so good at sticking to resolutions. 😜

6. What is your favourite time of day?

Lunch!

7. Tell us your favourite food/cuisine.

Seafood with pasta. I guess that’s Italian.

8. Name three destinations you would like to visit once in your lifetime.

Yellowstone, Taos, Boston. 🚊

9. If you could change something in the world, what would it be?

Get rid of parasites. So gross.

10. What are you most passionate about?

Writing.

11. What is so special about your blog?

It reflects my creativity and my life; it’s not a regurgitation of headlines or clichés. I try to offer fresh and interesting content to keep readers amused. I hope I succeed, at least sometimes.

And… that’s all she wrote! 🙃

FPQ31: Highlight

Fandango provocatively asks…

“What do consider to be the highlight of your life so far? Do you think it’s something that you might be able to exceed in the future?”

At the risk of sounding sappy, I’m gonna say the highlight of my life has been raising two great daughters. Now, to be clear, I’m not saying the highlight is “being a mom.” In all honesty, there was a lot about being a mom, especially to babies, that annoyed me. I don’t like noise or mess, and I don’t have a huge amount of patience. I’m not one of those women who gets all goopy over every baby and their silly antics (though my granddaughter is the cutest, just saying).

No. What I’m saying is I hung in there and did all the right things for them as best I could, despite being sometimes annoyed and imperfect… like my other post says, I fought for them because I loved them more than anything. I struggled to be better for them and to make sure I gave them all I could to be the best they could be. And they are wonderful people, if I do say so myself. They’re smart and resourceful and kind and loving. They’ve both chosen great guys for husbands too.

I’m so proud of both of them! And I do take some credit for how they turned out, though they worked pretty damn hard themselves.

Could I exceed this achievement of raising two sweet little girls into wonderful adults by… what? Writing a best-selling book? Meeting some man to love this late in the game? Solving some pesky riddle? I can’t even imagine. I’d have to say no.

One-Liner Wednesday: Struggle

I love Mark Manson. I think I’m finally going to treat myself to his first book, and probably his new one as well. I went through a period of not liking him so much when he became ridiculously popular, since I had discovered him before that and liked “knowing” this secret, niche, edgy writer, but whatever. Can’t hide a light under a bushel, or something. (What the hell is a bushel?)

Regarding the main point, I’ve only really consistently loved and fought for one thing in my life: my children.

Can’t say I’ve really struggled for anything else. I just let things go when they’re hard. It’s my way.

~*~

One-Liner Wednesday

Happy 4th! (with bonus rant)

My latest discovery, which I will share, is that everything is ridiculously complicated and costs too damn much.

In my youth, life was simple (although frequently unhappy). My mom did many things herself, but now these projects are out of reach. Take knitting and crocheting and sewing, forex. Loading up on the supplies costs a fortune and the patterns are complicated, wah. Don’t even get me started on scrapbooking (again) or making bead jewelry. Soooo costly! Plus, in my case, I’d have to take classes first, for jewelry, sewing, cooking, etc. I’m not one who can watch a video for twenty minutes and then go mmhmm now I see how to construct a tiny house, easy peasy!

I remember we usually had an aquarium going on. My mom dealt with it, but it could not have been outrageously expensive because we weren’t wealthy and we lived in small apartments for many years. The aquariums were really pretty, but the fish died often, and we were always traipsing off to the pet store for little baggies of new ones. I bet now though aquariums are just another one of those crazy costly and super complex hobbity bobbity things.

I liked watching the bright little neons dart through the water after their specks of food. We had graceful black and white stripey fish and some goldfish varieties too. A few catfish at the bottom keeping things clean. Mom always indulged me and got a teeny pirate treasure chest for decoration in the sand. Haven’t thought about our aquariums for years…

Ah yes, the sands of time, rushing so fast through the hourglass now, piling up at the bottom, waiting to meet that last big wave that will wash them out to the eternal ocean and then… and then what?

Nothing.

*

You know, I feel I’m pretty chill with anyone who comments here unless they’re an obvious spammer or troll. If you’re of a different political persuasion, cool, just keep it civil and don’t insult other peeps or me. I have accepted loads of criticism and disagreements over the years. Don’t mind it at all, and I particularly welcome any comments on my poetry and fiction. I am not thrilled with advice I haven’t solicited, especially about health, but whatever.

But that’s not the case elsewhere. Some bloggers don’t want any disagreement or difference of opinion. I’ve noticed I will be condescended to or explained at if I dare to express a thought contrary to the OP’s. That is unpleasant, FYI, and I will not be visiting these blogs much or at all in the future.

YHBW. 🙂

Have a great weekend! ☄️💥🔥

Sunday Morning Cat

Hi, it’s me Gatsby. Mommy is busy, so she said I have to answer these questions from Fandango even though I was taking a nap in the closet.

1. Do you like blue cheese? 

Sure, give me a chunk and I’ll bat it under the fridge.

2. Coke or Pepsi? 

No thanks. Water is my bev. 💦

3. Do you own a gun? 

My claws and teeth are enough. 😺

4. What flavor of Kool-aid? 

Gross!

5. Hot dogs? 

Dogs are dumb, whether hot or cold. 🐶

6. Favorite TV show? 

I prefer silence so I can hear any bug that needs killing. 🕷

7. Do you believe in ghosts? 

Of course. I usually chat with them around 2AM. 👻

8. What do you drink in the morning?

Water. 💦

9. Can you do a push-up? A single push up?

I can do lots of push-ups and all sorts of athletic maneuvers. I’m in great shape!

10. Favorite Jewelry? 

All of it. Leave it out at your peril. 😺

11. Favorite Hobby? 

Napping. 💤

12. Do you have ADD? 

Well, I can stay very focused on one spot for a very long time unless… BUG! String! Someone touched my tail!

13. Do you wear glasses? 

No, but I’m happy to take yours. 😎

14. Favorite cartoon character? 

Felix the Cat.

15. Three things you did today?

Ate a crunchy, snuggled with Mommy, went back to sleep. 💤

16. Three drinks you drink regularly? 

Water x 3. 💦

17. Current movies? 

Mommy saw Yesterday yesterday and loved it. 🎶

18. Do you believe in magic? 

Kitties are magical! 💖

19. Favorite place to be? 

At home.

20. How did you ring in the New Year?

Probably napping. 💤

21. Travel? Where would you go? 

I don’t like to go anywhere and neither does Mommy.

22. Name five people who will most likely read this? 

Mommy, Fandango, Keera, Sadje, Jim.

23. Favorite movie? 

Silent ones.

24. Favorite color?

I don’t see colors.

25. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?

They don’t sound cozy, but I could claw them up, which would be fun. 😺

26. Can you whistle? 

No, but I can howl like a wolf. 🐺

27. Where are you now?

Home.

29. Favorite food? 

Chicken crunchies.

30. Least favorite chore? 

I beg your pardon. 👑

31. Best job you can think of? 

Napping. Killing bugs. Yelling at birds who dare come near my window.

32. What’s in your pockets? 

You mean the big pocket under the sofa? Pens that Rawry sent. Chapstick. Empty toilet paper holders. My fluffy toys.

33. Last thing that made you laugh? 

I’m happy when Mommy plays with me.

34. Favorite animal? 

Mommy. 💖

35. What’s your most recent injury? 

Mommy keeps me safe, so I never have any.

36. How many TV’s are in your house? 

One.

37. Worst pain ever? 

When my food bowl was 3/4 empty. 😱

38. Do you like to dance? 

Sure! I have mad moves to my own music.

39. Are your parents still alive?

I don’t know.

40. Do you enjoy camping? 

I’m not allowed in the grass. 🙄

Fourplay [socs]

Four used to be my lucky 🍀 number when I was married because I had a husband and two daughters, which made a symmetrical family of four. But then I got divorced and naturally changed my lucky number to three, since we were now three amazing chicks 🐤🐤🐤 on our own and doing fine.

Before long however the girls found great guys to marry and now they have their own families. I can’t really say we’re a trio of chiclets these days, even if in my mind I think of us that way. It’s no longer a reality.

I do have my little soul-kitty Gatsby and we are a duo, can’t separate us, no sirree, so maybe my lucky number is two. Could very well be so. I’m always grateful for his warm comforting furry presence even if it comes with sharp claws and teeth cuz the best things in life do have a slight edge to them.

Don’t you agree? 🐱

The Analyst [flash 150]

“A boa constrictor wrapped around your boss’s head?” She made a note on the chart. “And what else do you see?”

He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes. Swirls of color rushed through his mind forming brief images and breaking apart again. Then he gazed at the poster once more. “A bonfire. A bonfire of charge cards.”

She bent her head and wrote something. “Very interesting. Anything else?”

“The neighbor’s cat. It’s always digging in our flower garden. Annoying little critter.”

There was a rap tap tap on the office door. “Must be an emergency,” she said.

He shrugged. “They always are.”

The door opened. “Excuse me, but it’s time for Analyst Britney’s ballet lesson.”

Britney jumped out of her chair. “Oh hi, Mommy. We were just about to have a breakthrough!”

He waved them off. “My brain should still be here when you get back. Hopefully.”

~*~

50-Word Thursday

Laura’s Music Challenge 18

Evening everyone. Still feeling the Dad’s Day vibe, so it’s nice to find Laura’s song challenge themed for the day. Play along with us! 💕🎶🙂

1. Post a video of a song that makes you think about unconditional love.

Okay, now this may strike you as weird, but I’m choosing “Jackson” in honor of my parents. My mother loved Johnny Cash, and this song reminds me of how they bickered all the time, but yet loved each other and stayed together 50 years.

2. Post a video of a song that reminds you of your dad.

My dad loved the Doors, and he especially enjoyed “Light My Fire.”

3. Post a video of a song about being a good man.

Welp. There are many aspects to being a good person, which apply to everyone. Not gonna list all that now. But for a man, in the context of being with me (what else?), this song gets close to how I’ve imagined it might be, ideally. Two people who’ve been hurt and confused, learn how to love from each other and take cautious steps to create something new and lasting. This man is not an arrogant bully like so many, demanding this and that, dictating how Things Should Be, but is willing to roll with the newness of something that hasn’t existed before. To me, that’s a good man, someone I could trust to be kind and loving and supportive, and vice versa.

Happy Father’s Day! ❤️

Support(ive) is the best way to describe my relationship with my dad, before he faded from dementia. He was an encouraging, upbeat guy, with a salesman’s type of personality. He’d get angry, but it was gone in a flash, and he generally stayed within the range of mellow to happy. Though he had definite opinions about politics (card-carrying liberal from NYC), among other things, he’d bounce back after a discussion or debate, no hard feelings.

Daddy wasn’t a griller or a BBQ dude or any sort of handyman guy. Mom actually did all that stuff (RIP). Dad believed in going out to dinner. Mostly though he just read books and of course his beloved NYT. That’s what he’d be doing today, if he were still around and able. I’d likely bake some fudgy-wudgy brownies for him. Those were his favorite.

He was always up for a conversation with me. Always supportive of my endeavors. Always encouraging of my dreams and goals, though he would express his ideas if he thought I might be making a mistake. He was a good father and I was lucky to have him.

Dad and me, at his 80th birthday, 2010 (RIP).