FPQ71: Senioritis

Fandango provocatively asks…

How old are you* and how old do you feel — older or younger than your actual chronological age? Do you generally act your age? And what does “acting your age” mean to you?

*If you’re uncomfortable revealing your actual age, maybe you can just say something like, “I’m in my twenties.” Or fifties. Or “I’m a senior citizen.”

I turned 59 during the lockdown. It was not a big deal… although my family gifted me a new phone, which was awesome. ❤️ The fact that I didn’t have a celebration with a cake and such didn’t bother me at all. I had plane tix to fly to Northern California and visit family, and I was sad that couldn’t happen. Dunno when I’ll be able to go…

Do I feel 59? I don’t know. What should 59 feel like? There are lots of people my age (and older) who are way more physically active than I am, but I wasn’t physically active at 39 or even 19! I’ve always been a chair potato. More things hurt now though. Seems like pains don’t go away but simply accumulate. Parts of me I never noticed before suddenly have nerve endings. What’s up with that? I’ll go for a walk and the side of my foot will hurt. Huh? 🙁

Do I act 59? Again, how should a 59-year-old behave? I am definitely a mature and responsible person. But I think in the last few years my behavior has changed even more… I attribute that to my last failed attempt at a relationship. Perhaps it is due to age and this would not have affected me the same 10 or 15 years ago. This time, I just said the hell with putting myself out there and taking chances on people. I’m done. I can’t handle another go-round of stress and drama.

I notice people of all ages seeking conflict because they’re bored, and I notice people of all ages avoiding drama. So I don’t think this is age related, necessarily, even though for me it does seem that I handled stress better when I was younger. My aching head and tired bones don’t appreciate the adrenaline surge that gets my heart racing and makes it harder to sleep. No thanks.

But you know what? The fact that I’m now a grandma (she’s almost 2!) does make me feel older and I’m good with that! 💖💖💖

Great question!

~*~

Image from Fandango himself.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Sadje’s Questions

The lovely Sadje tagged me for some Q’s. Thanks for the opportunity to talk about one of my favorite subjects! 🤣

What is your favorite time of the day?

Lately I’ve become an afternoon person. I don’t mean since The Thing, but gradually over the last decade or so. I used to love mornings, but I’m pretty achy when I first wake up now and it takes me a while to feel okay and be productive.

How strict are you with yourself, regarding health?

I’m good about not overeating, but I’m terrible at exercising. I’m good about eating veggies and not subsisting on Snickers bars like I used to, and I rarely touch alcohol.

Do you follow back a blogger who follows your blog?

Mostly not, unless they comment and their blog interests me. If they simply follow and like posts, I may not even notice them.

How do you deal with criticism in real life?

Depends who it’s from. If it’s from someone who is signing my paycheck or someone I gave birth to, I’ll take it seriously. Anyone else, probably not so much. This is different from writing critique when I’ve requested it, of course. 🙂

How do you deal with criticism in the blogging world?

Usually they get thrown in the trash. I am not obligated to provide a forum for jerks and meanies. They can post their crap on their own blogs. Way back in the day, I thought I should allow all comments to pass through, but why? This is my space. Anyone can get their own.

Any ideas about how we can turn the current situation to our advantage?

Yes. The auto insurance companies have reported a decline in claims during the past couple months since people have been staying home. This is obvious, right? Fewer miles driven = fewer accidents = fewer injuries and deaths. But really think about that every time you get in a car. It’s one of the most dangerous things we do. 😬

Are you a dessert person?

I used to be. I used to crave sweets and make a dessert my whole meal. I’m sure I still would if it was available. But I seem to have lost the intense cravings I once had, and I’m much more satisfied with healthy choices. 🥑

What colors do you like to wear?

I like a bunch of neutrals in browns, black, beige, white, etc. and then one thing in a bright color like pink or turquoise. Or on the weekend I might put the brighter colors together if I’m feeling whimsical.

What color decor you like around you, in your home?

Browns and animal print things. 🐯

What is your favorite place to write from?

Probably my kitchen table on my iPhone.

Do you like getting Blogging awards?

Sure! It’s nice when someone thinks of me. I hope people don’t mind if I only answer the questions though and don’t tag anyone.

~*~

Image from Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Monday Peeve 35

Smiles and positive posts are all well and good, but sometimes I need to vent a bit. How about you? That’s what The Monday Peeve is all about, a chance to blow off a little steam at the beginning of the week, so then we can go merrily on our way once again (hah). I’ll pick a topic that’s on my mind, but you can vent about whatever you please, here in comments or on your own blog. Grab the photo, use the #TMP tag, and link back to me (or not ~ I dgaf), and Bob’s yer uncle. I do reserve the right to delete any links that offend my delicate sensibilities. So far, none have, but it could happen! I have feelings!

*

Man, this one is sure overdue and I can’t believe I’ve waited until TMP 35 to mention it. I’m sure you know what I mean. Right? RIGHT? I am talking about yours truly. Yep, this peeve is about me, myself, and I, that annoying trio of wishy-washy, say one thing and do another, can’t make up their minds, flippety flopperoos. Gahhh, they drive me nuts! One day they say they’re gonna exercise and there they are again, just blobbing around doing nothing but sit-sit-sitting and making excuses. Another time they’re gonna “work on their novel,” but instead I see them reading blog posts, checking the news, and just generally goofing off. Oh, here’s a good one… they decide to “cook healthy food.” Bwahahaha, don’t make me laugh! Why then is the trash filled with empty boxes of Lean Cuisines? Grrrr, I wish they’d stick to their plans! 😡

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Bingo Update 5

See my previous update here.

For the anthology box, I read When Love Rises by Michelle Stradford. I enjoyed it and gave it a 4-star review. Not 5, since I couldn’t connect that well with some of the poetry at the beginning. Here is my full review on Goodreads, Amazon, etc.:

I especially connected with the later poems in this book where I felt her true soul was laid bare. That painful, powerful imagery resonated with me. Throughout, her poetry contains wonderful metaphors and striking language. A joy to absorb.

I love poetry. I’m trying to get in the mindset to write more myself, but it’s so hard to focus because of the thing.

Next, I read Little Fires Everywhere by Celeste Ng, a book I meant to read last year. This book really grabbed me, which is odd because it focuses on topics I normally shun. First, it has a huge emphasis on the mother-child bond, in a kaleidoscope of viewpoints. Second, the story is told from the eyes of teenagers a huge chunk of the time. These days I generally dgaf about the angst of teenagers. You think it’s bad now, kids? Just wait. Third, there’s the familiar trope of boring suburbia, the bad that lurks beneath, and the MPDG who twirls in and shakes everything up.

And yet… the story held me immediately. I needed something exactly like this right now, something so different from what’s happening in the news. Remember when we as a nation were riveted by a stain on a dress? That was the most important thing going on. I find it hard to focus on trivia, but I don’t feel like watching a movie either. I haven’t turned on my TV in days except to exercise to a video (I get the news online).

So anyway. That’s when LFE took place, in the Time of the Blue Dress, around 1997, in a wealthy Ohio suburb. I was riveted by the story; I really wanted to discover what the various characters would do. Their actions seemed surprising at times and yet also inevitable, which I admire in writing. It’s a fine line. You don’t want to be predictable, and yet you want your readers to say… oh, of course. They would have done such a thing. I can totally see it now. And there were so many layers upon layers to each character and the part they played in this drama, that the finished “cake” felt fully earned.

I gave LFE 5 stars despite the fact that Ms. Ng had POV breaks within scenes and lengthy, meandering backstories with POV breaks in those too. That just goes to show you that the story and characters are everything; rules are still important, but they can be broken. I’m not sure why Ms. Ng broke them, but with her credentials you know she knows them. They weren’t mistakes. One critic suggested it’s a cliche to have someone die on an icy road or of a brain tumor. I didn’t cringe when reading them, but I can understand someone not liking those sections.

I can see that same critic’s point about the trope of the MPDG breezing into the small town and turning it upside down while discovering all is not what it seems. I guess there’s also the trope of the naive country bumpkin stumbling into the big city and encountering cynics and meanies. But everything has been done. The key is to bring your own voice and spin. That critic doesn’t believe that Ms. Ng added anything new, but LFE struck me as fresh and engaging.

To each their own! 🙂

~*~

Image from Kriti & Ariel.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Self-Isolation Report 1

Thursday Morning

8:00 ~ cleaned cat box, vacuumed, did laundry, cleaned bathroom, read blogs

9:30 ~ had coffee & an avocado 🥑

10:00 ~ dusted, cleaned kitchen

11:00 ~ exercised to a video

11:30 ~ downloaded phone games

Thursday Afternoon

1:00 ~ played phone games, ate cookies 🍪

5:00 ~ thought about writing, took a walk in Huntington Beach

Thursday Night

7:00 ~ ate instant noodles, made tea, started work

8:00 ~ freaked out about Gov Newsom telling us we can never leave our homes again and began frantically chatting with friends and daughters

11:00 ~ finished work, had more tea

Midnight ~ made this post, feeling too anxious too sleep, glad I still have some Valium

Yah… so just like the olden days when I was all upset about some dumb man, I can’t get my mind in a clear enough state to switch over to the fictional realm. It’s too cluttered with stabby bits of reality and what ifs.

~*~

Images from Bitmoji and me.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Whatever…

I guess I haven’t posted anything today. What’s left to say? I was looking forward to the FPQ, but then I saw I would have to listen to a news clip. Ughhh. Like I’m not glued to the news enough already? Too much and yet I can’t stop looking at it like I’m passing a car wreck except it’s the whole world in a wreck and I can’t just pass by because I’m living in it too.

Then I was gonna post for the Color Code Challenge, but I didn’t have anything. I had pics with colors, but no pics with groups of colors. Boo. That would have been a fun post, if it had materialized. 🌈

I thought about Sadje’s pic of the woman on a cliff with the broken god, but eh. Then there was a “glorious” sunrise or something too. Meh. Just not feeling the fiction. Or poetry. The challenge from last week was humor, but I’m too consumed with anxiety to be funny right now.

The weird thing is that I had a relatively good day, very productive. Things ended on a happy note too, and now I have a 4-day weekend. I had planned to go to Vegas with some friends, but obviously that’s not going to happen now. I’ll read, write, exercise, and maybe watch a few movies alone at home. Those are the kinds of things I enjoy, so I’m not upset about Vegas, but I dislike uncertainty. A lot. 🙁

Believe it or not, I watched Contagion last night. It’s a good movie! People wonder why I’d watch that now, but now is a great time to watch it imo. Absolutely stellar cast too. It’s weird to see Bryan Cranston before he played Walter White. (Never watched Malcolm.)

So anyway… I’ll be around. My Thursday Inspiration is coming right up tomorrow morning and I’m working on my April A-Z game posts here and there. It’s a good time to catch up on things.

Stay safe! 💖

~*~

Image originally found on Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

No Sharing!

Melanie had some fun St. Patrick’s themed questions today, but I wasn’t in the mood for those. Then she posted these, which are much more to my taste.

What harsh truths do you prefer to ignore?

All of them! Let’s see… a big one is how many bugs and bug parts I’m probably eating all the time in salads, cereals, etc. Gross! Next, is how I’m damaging my health by sitting on my butt all day and never exercising. Another is how I keep reading the news and think I actually know what’s going on lolololol 🤣🤣🤣

Actually, a super harsh truth right now is how many greedy, selfish, inconsiderate people there are who will not stop harmful behavior without the force of law. I mean, we always know this, but I for one am not usually thinking about it. Then this virus comes along and people just don’t wanna cooperate for the greater good. They have to be forced, no way around that fact. 😢

Is free will real or just an illusion?

Illusion. We’re almost completely wired up to make every choice due to our genetics plus environment, and we exercise very little if any “will” over that, even though it feels like we do. I say “almost” because of the random elements in there, not will.

I guess, given this truth, we can be more forgiving of the sh!t heads in my first reply who won’t voluntarily cooperate. They can’t help their selfish ways. But that does not mean we let them do what they want. No. We hire more cops.

What is the meaning of true love?

True love, in my opinion, is that passionate attraction we feel toward another person combined with the steady certainty that we would care for their well-being to the same degree or greater than our own.

If both elements are not present, then it is not true love. Passion without care is just a sexual connection, even if it’s embellished with other goodies like intellectual sparks and shared hobbies. Caring without the passion is a great friendship, but most will jettison that for even a slight chance at a romantic partner.

Great questions! 😻

~*~

Image credited to imgflp.com.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Ten Year Report

Di of Pensitivity101 tagged me for this introspective challenge. I’ll begin with the high points of the past 10 years, followed by the low, and then answer her questions. I’m not going to tag anyone else. 🙂

High Points 2010 – 2020

In 2011, my sweet kitty Gatsby came into my life via the Orange County Animal Shelter. 😻❤️

My daughters both graduated from college (and did extremely well too), one in 2012 and one in 2015.

They also both got married to awesome guys (2017, 2019)! 💖💖

In 2018, a wonderful little granddaughter arrived! 😍✨🤩

I have published many books during these 10 years, and while they may not fly off the shelves, the fact that I have actual finished novels and other books out there gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

Low Points 2010 – 2020

My divorce was final in 2011, and while this was a necessary step, it’s still sad.

The relationship I had through my 2-year divorce process ended badly in 2011.

The entire 5-year dating debacle that followed was a depressing, and at times frightening, mess and continues to have repercussions to this day.

My dad passed in 2013 (my mom in 2008).

My cat Cocoa died in 2010 or 2011… my memory is a bit fuzzy right now. 😢

Di’s Questions

Is there any year in the past decade that stands out as the best?

-This last one (2019) ended up on a positive note because I moved into a new place with a good friend and got away from my old rundown apartment. I also spent quite a bit of time with family and friends and began writing a fun story. 🙂

Has your taste in music changed in the past ten years or do you think music in general has changed?

-I don’t listen to much new music, but in the last several years I’ve found myself liking more country and folk songs. Hard rock is a bit of a bore sometimes lately.

Are you heavier or lighter than you were ten years ago?

-I’m about the same, up maybe 2-3 pounds. But in the middle of these 10 years I was much lighter ~ I got sick from sushi (will never have it again) and could hardly eat for a month. Then a certain relationship stressed me out so much, anxiety kept my appetite away. I was 10 pounds lighter than today and so right now I feel “fat” because I liked the way I looked then. I’m hoping to get back there, but via exercise and good habits. 😇

How many cars have you owned in the past decade?

-Two.

Fun prompt! 🥳

~*~

Image snagged from Rory!

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

On Our Way [socs]

On our way… to better days. That’s what we say, pumped up with our New Year’s Goals. Like many others, I’ve vowed to get in better shape… and the parking lot at the gym is crowded now. Yes, I drive to the gym, even though it’s in my condo complex, since management can’t seem to program my electronic key to get me through the last walk-thru gate. It’s like the opening sequence to Get Smart, if you’re old enough to remember that show. But whenever I ask about the key, the person who needs to deal with it has just left for the day. 🙄

I’m trying to avoid getting raging angry about so many things (another resolution). So what if I can’t walk through to the gym? It’s not the worst thing in the world. Now, the gate closest to my apartment has quit working from the outside… that’s okay, right? They’ll fix it eventually and it’s fine to take the long way around to a different gate. More exercise! Plus, it’s not like I do everything perfectly myself… I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life too. As long as one gate works, and I can get home… like, whatever. 😜

My three words are from the chapter titled “Worth” in Jennifer Weiner’s book Hungry Heart. I don’t know why I purchased this book, except it has a picture of an upscale looking Hostess cupcake on the cover. I don’t think I’ve read any of her novels. I wanted to enjoy this book, because cupcake and also a smart and funny writer writing smartly and humorously about feeling fat and unloved… that’s so unusual! 🙃

But HH is incredibly tedious and dejavuey… like haven’t a million other smart fat girls written smartly and fatly about being smart and fat? Yawnnnn. And I find myself skimming much of Jennifer’s complaining. I loved her trip to Israel though, and how she finally decided to say eff it regarding other people’s opinions when she returned. Yeah! Who cares what people think! 😎

I thought the story would really take off from there, but no, back to yawwnville. An autobiography doesn’t have to be boring; I’ve read interesting ones. But they need to be edited, and saggy sections should be cut. Am I going to abandon it? No, I’ll probably skim the rest, so I can get credit for it on Goodreads. And I remain hopeful that there is something more to it I can enjoy, since I did get totally immersed in the one section. 🤩

Speaking of saggy things, exercise makes you hungry. If you burn up 100 calories on a bike, your brain will say hello time for a vat of pasta. And you can say no brain we are having a sensible scoop of tuna and some yummy crisp veggies. But our brain is sulking and plotting on how to trip us up. It’s not about being a “good” person or a “bad” person; we all come from a long line of people who avoided starving to death when there was very little food. Yay us and our superhero metabolisms. 😜

I see I forgot to finish this post Friday night and schedule it at 4am Saturday because I’ve been obsessed with watching Jeopardy on Netflix this week (not the GOAT thing, but catching up from last year). When I got home at 10, I turned on the TV, forgetting all about blogging. That’s unusual for me, but these are strange times. 😳

Luckily, I woke up earlier than God… and the first thing I thought of was yikes I didn’t post for SOCS! 😱

~*~

Image credit to Shelley Krupa.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ52: The Good Life

Fandango provocatively asks…

What does living “the good life” mean to you? Do you think that you’re living “the good life”?

I’m going to guess that most people will answer in the affirmative to this question. They’ll say they’re living the good life, since anything else seems like admitting failure. We’re always supposed to upsell ourselves. My life is great! My marriage is fantastic! My new job is a blast! Six months later… divorce and bankruptcy court.

But I’m not most people. Not gonna upsell. (My phone doesn’t even believe that’s a word anyway.) I’m not living a “bad” life ~ obviously these definitions are subjective according to our own definition. In my case, I would say I am living an “okay” life.

To me, a good life would have included a happy long-term marriage. It’s not a whole lot of fun doing everything on my own as a single person… case in point, moving. Ugh! I had some help from friends, for which I am extremely grateful, but that’s not the same as a husband with whom you make mutually beneficial decisions. And it’s sure not making me happy to contemplate my lonely retirement on limited funds. Blah.

But as I said, it could be worse. Much worse. I could have ended up with one of the dating site psychos, gahhh. I could have made even stupider decisions than I did in all sorts of areas. No really! I could have.

There are lots of positives happening: good job, good friends, reasonable-ish health, adorable kitty, wonderful daughters, great sons-in-law, sweetest grand daughter, nice new place to live, etc.💖

But I’m plagued with chronic pain (yes, despite being in decent health otherwise). It keeps me from exercising and enjoying some of the good things around me. That gets me down a lot, and I don’t have one of those naturally bubbly type of personalities that goes wheeeeee it’s fine that my neck is all stabby… I’ll still go for a 5 mile joggeroo and smell the flowers cuz life is beautiful! Eff that. 😛

If I’d known I was going to be single at the end of the game, I would have focused more intently on education and career in my 20s. I had every opportunity, but wasn’t thinking about the big picture at that point. I could have done so much more… and made so much more money. You say money isn’t important? Try looking for a place to live in Southern California!😳

On the other hand, it’s gorgeous here. And there’s a lot to do, plus it’s still free to watch the sunsets over the ocean (not to park at the beach however). I’m glad I didn’t stay in Chicago, despite the pizza.🍕

There you have it. Again, not everything has to be extreme, good/bad, love/hate. My life is okay. Not great. Not terrible.

~*~

Image credits to Fandango and me and idk about the orange scissors one so whatever.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.