Tag Archives: drugs

One-Liner Wednesday: Tigers

I deleted identifying information from this blurb so as not to out the typo-ist. Fact is, we all typo, even the most OCD of us. But I couldn’t resist saving and sharing the humor, especially on a headache day. (It is not a migraine day, just a headache day.)

Tigers are magnificent, and should be valued and protected, but typos aside, I can see comparing a migraine to one. They prowl in the forests of my dreams, ready to pounce when I open my eyes. They claw and bite, making me want to return to the soothing darkness. But it’s too late. Once a tiger has found me, there’s no respite from his merciless attack until I calm him down with prescription medication.

~*~

One-Liner Wednesday

Liar’s Poker

The Haunted Wordsmith can’t handle the truth…

1. You wanted to book a trip to Athens, but the agent misunderstood you…where did they send you?

The California Department of Motor Vehicles.

2. What will customs agents find in your luggage?

Everything but a CERTIFIED copy of my divorce document.

3. What do you sneak aboard the flight, and what do you sneak it in?

A comfort skunk in my backpack.

4. The plane crashes — everyone survives — where did you crash?

Starbucks.

5. What are three things you find at your crash site?

My birth certificate, my Social Security card, and an uncertified copy of my divorce decree.

6. Survivors see a rescue opportunity but don’t take it…why?

Everyone is giving me advice on how to get a passport and other documents to prove I am me so I can get a Real ID.

7. What are you finally rescued by?

The Valium truck.

8. What is the first thing you do when you get back home?

Switch to the Republican party.

9. The airline offers you money, but you turn it down…what do you get instead?

A regular driver’s license.

10. You decide that a cruise is safer, where do you go?

The Island of Rage.

11. You get marooned on a deserted island but find huts and scientific equipment made out of coconuts…what happened to Gilligan and the Skipper?

They obviously didn’t have the correct paperwork and were stuffed into jail.

12. A fishing boat rescues you, but you have to pay Poseidon for safe passage…what do you pay?

The very valuable and rare black and white mink in my backpack.

13. He rejects your fare and throws you across the world…you land safely, but where do you end up?

Israel.

14. How does your story end?

Deliciously.

Rory’s S’mores

Another Guy Called Bloke Production!

***

At what point in our lives do you think we think we are good enough?

Speaking only for myself… never! I wake every day knowing there are goals to achieve and improvements to make.

***

In life, what do you consider beautiful?

Cats, poetry, art of various forms, nature (flowers, sunsets, birds, butterflies, etc.), and of course my family.

***

Do you think that when we dream, we can dream within a dream? But if you don’t dream, why do you think that is?

Yes, definitely. I have dreamt about dreaming.

***

How do you manage your stress or do you not suffer from stress?

It varies. I don’t handle stress well at all, so I try to eliminate it at the source ~ this is why I gave up dating, where others persevere through unpleasantness. I can’t tolerate the bad. It literally makes me sick. But some things can’t be helped; stuff appears out of the blue. I will get physically ill and have to deal with that. I’ll get migraines and take medicine. My sleep will suffer. Etc. I severely manage down interactions with people so that my stress is minimized.

***

Are there things or maybe just one thing you wish to achieve before you die?

I did want to have success as a writer, but I don’t see that happening. I’m not talented enough, nor do I have the patience to endlessly slog away on a novel anymore when I can get instant feedback via short blog posts.

***

Some experience many things during their lifetimes, but do you think there is something that everyone should experience at least once?

No.

***

Are you afriad to be different? To stand out from the crowd, to push away your peers if needs be and say “I am ME!”

No. I’m more afraid of being one of them, though generally I blend in wherever I go, at least superficially. I realize that sounds contradictory, but it’s not. I blend in just enough so that no one notices/bothers me, and then I get away as fast as I can to be apart from them.

***

Which do you think is easier ‘to hate or to love?’

To hate obviously. Humans are all about forming groups and excluding other humans in order to hate and possibly kill them.

30-Day Song Challenge: Not Again!

Day 14: My Wedding? 😱😱😱 There’s only one song suitable for this occasion…

https://youtu.be/bm51ihfi1p4

A word with the chef, if you please…

I would like to order off the menu some reasonable seasonal weather.

A lovely green spring for starters, with bunnies and chickies, some daisies and daffies, but no pollen, no sneezies, no itchies, no rashes. 🌷

Followed by summer: sunbright and surging, full of fun things, but hold the mad fling, I’ve grown quite allergic. ☀️

I’ll take a spiced fall, with just a dollop of crazy, no exes at all, and please throw in a Valium, you’ve met my friends, okay, make it ten.🐿

Just put winter in a box, completely to go; don’t bring that shit here cuz it’s too stressful and cold… no, not even with brandy, your best in the house, get away from me now, did you hear me ~ GET OUT!!! 🥶🥶🥶

~*~

Prompt provided by Patricia

20 Questions

Via The Haunted Wordsmith

1. What is your favorite thing to do when bored?

– Read blogs/write a new poast.

2. What game did you play most when growing up?

– Scrabble or gin rummy.

3. You see a police car in your neighborhood, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?

– Good! Go catch a red light runner or a speeder or some jerkface… why are you just sitting there? 😡

4. If you had any superpower, what would it be?

– To ensure Pelosi becomes Speaker and then have the Prez and Veep mysteriously die. Hey, you asked!

5. Sautéed onions, fried onions, onion rings, or raw onions?

– Ringydings.

6. If you could create your own world, what would it look like?

– Pretty much all cats. 🐱🐱🐱

7. What is your favorite animal?

– 🙄

8. Punch or pie? (which kind?)

– Punch is gross. Crumbly apple pie is bomb; I also love cherry and pumpkin with graham cracker crust. If pumpkin doesn’t have GCC, I can easily pass it up. I don’t need whipped cream or ice cream on mah pah. Oh, mince pie is fab, but not real mincemeat pie (ew), just mince.

9. What is one holiday treat that improves your mood every time?

– Valium.

10. What is one word that you love?

– Kitty!

11. King Kong vs Godzilla…who wins?

– Who cares? No cats.

12. What is your favorite tv show and episode?

– Not sure what counts as tv anymore. The ending of Six Feet Under was incredible. If that doesn’t count, then the ep of IDOJ where Tony and Roger steal a plane and fly to Baghdad, which is in “Persia,” so that Tony can propose to Jeannie by guessing what’s in the box. Overall, when I was young, IDOJ was my favorite tv show, but it didn’t hold up on a rewatch a few years ago. Sad. Lately, my favorite show is Game of Thrones. I don’t have a favorite episode, since they all blend together.

13. What cancelled (or finished) tv show would you most like to see again?

– GOT is finishing up next year, which is a bummer. I’d say The Sopranos, except JG is dead (RIP), so no. I guess I don’t really care. I’m looking forward to the return of Mrs. Maisel soon.

14. You landed on Daffy Duck’s Fantastic Island…what do you wish for?

– Don’t know what this is, so I’ll just say a deluxe hotel room with a spa and a dessert bar.

15. Favorite season?

– Autumn.

16. Favorite adventure book or movie?

Life of Pi.

17. Does free mean free?

– Obviously not. Heard of Facebook?

18. Favorite color?

– Turquoise, purple, lime green, fuchsia, sunflower.

19. Ugly sweaters…yea or nay?

– Sure, especially if they have a 🐱.

20. What is your favorite time period?

– Whenever I don’t haz a migraine!

Where Tags Come To Die

The lovely Jay-lyn nominated me for yet another Sunshine Award and guess how many questions I have to answer? Yup. ELEVEN. 🙄🙄🙄 As per my SOP, I am not tagging anyone, but I encourage everyone who hasn’t done one of these yet to copy Jay’s questions and answer them on your own blog.

Thank you, Jay, for these great questions:

1. Do you believe in true love?

– Well, I’m not sure we all define it the same way, but do I believe that two people can, soon after meeting, discover a mutual and intensely fulfilling physical, emotional, and intellectual connection that builds into a caring and committed bond that lasts a lifetime… sure, why not? I think it has happened to other people.

2. Summer or Winter?

– Summer.

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be?

– Idk, I don’t really like to travel and leave my kitty. 🐱

4. Have you ever sat in your car and cried for no reason other than being sad?

– I usually have a reason for being sad. But yes.

5. Science Fiction or Fantasy?

– Not clear on the difference here. SciFi is like Star Trek and fantasy is dragons? Can’t mix those, I suppose, but why not? I liked the original Star Trek and the movies with those characters a lot, but I also liked the one with Chris Pine (no, I don’t want to hear about his penis), but I love love love Game of Thrones. However, that’s kind of a one-off; I didn’t love dragon stuff before and I doubt I will again. So… yeah. Idk.

6. If you could be any fantasy character what type would you be?

– A dragon! Purple obviously.

7. If you discovered the secret to slowing down the aging process would you use it?

– On myself? How would that work? I’d quit aging, so I’d never retire, but my bosses would, and then I’d have to look for a new job? Gahhh. What about my kids ~ they’d age past me and die?! That sounds pretty horrible actually. 😢

8. Walking through the forest you come upon a large tree with a door in it, do you open the door?

– No, that seems like a bad idea. Might be a dragon in there.

9. If you opened the door in the above question what did you find?

– Dragon, hello.

10. If you did not open the door in question 8 why not?

– Probably a drug dealer’s stash. Best not to know or to leave fingerprints. In a novel, the protagonist would of course open the door, which would cause a cascade of unnecessary problems and then of course end in true love. But before that… ughhh drama!

11. Favorite all time Halloween costume.

– Devil with a blue dress on.

Creepy Questions 😱

From the Blokey Guy… if you want to play, visit his link, but the basic rule is C&P and do not delete any of the questions marked with a P… or else! 🙀☠️👿

Daily Topic Subject – Just Creepy

Q1] Favourite all time creepy monster or villain?

– Rather partial to Johnny Depp’s Barnabas Collins.

Q2] Pumpkin Pie or what is your favorite pie at Halloween?

– I didn’t know we were supposed to eat pie at Halloween ~ I’ll get right on that! Pumpkin sounds good to me, iff it has a graham cracker crust.

Q3] What is something you most assuredly wouldn’t want to bump into in a darkened alleyway?

– Stephen Miller.

Q4] Have you ever dabbled with the dark side .. l don’t mean Bloody Mary either l mean Ouija?

– Not really, but I’m not opposed to it.

PQ5] What’s your most favorite Halloween movie that you just have to watch over, and over and over again every Halloween? [Link Please]

Young Frankenstein

Q6] Are you superstitious? [How so?]

– Not seriously, but you have to make decisions somehow in a world full of chaos, so having “lucky numbers” and that kind of nonsense isn’t the worst thing unless you do actual harm. Forex, I like to buy 8 things at a time, not 7 or 9. If I have 9 things, I’ll add Tictacs to make 10.

PQ7] If you found yourself trapped in a horror movie which one would it be?

– The one where I keep joining dating sites and meeting crazy men at Starbucks. Oh wait…

Q8] On the subject whilst we are here, have you ever played Bloody Mary?

– I don’t know what that is, so no.

Q9] Oh golly jeepers, you have awoken in the night to hear footsteps in the house .. who you gonna call?

– It’s just my cat, RIGHT? 🐱

Q10] So it’s dark and creepy, and you have just been dared to visit the local Cemetery would you do it?

– No, but not because I’m afraid of ghosts ~ because I’m afraid of humans who might be hanging out there doing drug deals or whatever.

Q11] After watching a scary flick, can you just go to bed, or do you have to do something cheery first?

– I have to leave the lights on!

PQ12] It’s Halloween, you are music master at the party, what are your first five songs going to be played to kick start the night?

– Monster Mash, Spooky, Rhiannon, Witchy Woman, Bad Moon Rising.

Q13]  Favorite all time scary creepy spooky book?

– Stephen King’s The Shining.

Q14] You have been invited to the ultimate Monster Mash party and it’s fancy costume – who are you going as?

– Little Red Writing Hood.

PQ15] Are you doing anything for Halloween this year? If so what?

– Probably the Saturday before but not on the actual day.

Q16] You are a junior witch going onto ‘sleep away camp’, you have to take a familiar with you and your choices are:

Black Cat ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Toad

Owl

Bat

Rat

Critter

What are you going to pick and why?

– Cat because cat.

Q17] You have been chosen to make the tea cakes for the party and they have to look spooky what are you going to make?

– White cakes with red jello drippings all topped with swirls of fleshy pink frosting!

Q18] How old were you when you saw your first horror movie – what was it – provide link?

– My mom and I watched Creature Features in our basement while doing jigsaw puzzles. Saw all sorts of horrible things: monsters ripping off heads in ski lodges, reptiles taking over Florida, beasts eating sailors on submarines, etc. Movies (and books) were never censored for me, which is probably not the best way. BECAUSE NOW LOOK.

Q19] Are you easily scared?

– I can talk myself down from fictional scenes. People are another matter entirely. Anyone who isn’t terrified of the current U.S. gov’t right now is not paying attention.

PQ20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

– Nopers.

Q21] It’s Halloween, you have three choices which do you pick? Party, Trick or Treating or staying at home curtain closed watching spooky stuff?

– Dismantling the patriarchy. I mean party. Damn autocorrect.

Invisible Disability Week

Shout out to Invisibly Me for alerting me to our special week. (Today I’m using this in lieu of the usual prompts.) I note that migraines are at the top of the invisible disabilities list ~ what a great honor, lol. But I don’t want to neglect any of my other issues ~ I also have chronic neck and back pain.

Are those disabilities? Well, they prevent me from walking more than about three miles at a time, so I have to plan events carefully and decline quite a few. I can’t stand in long lines either. And it’s difficult for me to sit for more than a few minutes on benches without backs, like at stadiums. Regardless of how careful I am, I wake up every morning with a bunch of lower back pain that eases a little after a hot shower and some moving around. I realize many people have it so much worse, and I may too eventually. It’s definitely worse than it was ~ five years ago I could walk five miles and only be somewhat sore.

But my main disability is migraine disease, which is invisible and afflicts millions. Luckily for us, the drug companies are always trying to come up with new meds to help our suffering, since there’s so much money on the table. I take Topamax twice a day and Sumatriptan as needed. I also take ibuprofen pretty much daily for my achies. Sometimes I can divert a migraine with extra strength Excedrin instead of the Suma, which is great, since insurance allows only 9 Suma per month. I get a few migraines per week, though they generally are not the agonizing kind some sufferers have. They’re just painful, nauseating, and annoying.

As an aside, these issues layered on top of all my bad experiences with narcissists, liars, nutballs, and stalkers, and added to my own emotional bruises, have formed themselves into a barbed wire stay away cake that lurks in my attic whenever I peek in to see if any of my romantic frocks are ready to be tried on again. Oh well. The thing about cakes is they can’t be unbaked.

I try not to brood and spiral into sadness over these issues, though occasionally I do. Instead, I tell myself I’m lucky and should feel thankful and grateful. This isn’t because I’m comparing myself to others who have it worse and going neener neener, but because objectively speaking I can take stock of the good things in my life and focus on them. If I forget, there’s always a loud meow and a paw smooshed in my eye at 5am to remind me.

I Wouldn’t Call It An Obsession, But…

…I like to read about the British Royal Family.

There, I said it. Whew! Confession is good for the soul. 😀

Whenever I see an article about a pretty frock Princess Whozis is wearing, I click on that. I want to read more. Is she wearing pantyhose like she’s supposed to? I need to know (if not, I hope the Queen won’t haz a mad). What about shooze? Do they match the dress perfectly or are they black or nude? I like to find out.

I read about the cute lovey nicknames the couples have for each otter, their adorable kids, that time they broke up (oh sads), etc. I smile to see pics of their shiny happiness. And I love all the bright colors the Queen wears. She rocks.

I especially like reading these tidbits now. They’re like M&Ms sprinkled in our shit salad of news… one dripping horror slice after another about the deranged narcissist POTUS, his spineless enablers, the rise of white supremacy, the constant random shootings, the nonstop domestic violence, the weekly overdoses/deaths of celebs, the never-ending wars, on and on.

Yeah. More fluff pieces on fancy hats, please and thank you.