Tag Archives: drugs

I Wouldn’t Call It An Obsession, But…

…I like to read about the British Royal Family.

There, I said it. Whew! Confession is good for the soul. 😀

Whenever I see an article about a pretty frock Princess Whozis is wearing, I click on that. I want to read more. Is she wearing pantyhose like she’s supposed to? I need to know (if not, I hope the Queen won’t haz a mad). What about shooze? Do they match the dress perfectly or are they black or nude? I like to find out.

I read about the cute lovey nicknames the couples have for each otter, their adorable kids, that time they broke up (oh sads), etc. I smile to see pics of their shiny happiness. And I love all the bright colors the Queen wears. She rocks.

I especially like reading these tidbits now. They’re like M&Ms sprinkled in our shit salad of news… one dripping horror slice after another about the deranged narcissist POTUS, his spineless enablers, the rise of white supremacy, the constant random shootings, the nonstop domestic violence, the weekly overdoses/deaths of celebs, the never-ending wars, on and on.

Yeah. More fluff pieces on fancy hats, please and thank you.

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Migraine Mishmash

Around a week ago NewEpicAuthor asked if I know what causes my headaches and I didn’t reply in comments because the answer requires a whole poast… well, a whole book actually.

First, let’s begin with the debate over whether it’s acceptable to call migraines “headaches.” Frankly, my dears, I don’t give a fuck. I don’t believe it causes funding for migraine research to dry up if we say “goddamn I have a headache” instead of “Jeeves, I do believe the Grey Poupon has triggered a megrim. Please bring the bag of frozen blueberries to the quiet room at once. And for God’s sake, stop blinking so loudly.” There is a definition for migraine, but symptoms vary among sufferers.

(Nothing is going to cause migraine research to end, btw. It’s one of the hottest markets for new drugs because so many people suffer with this pain. It’s one of the highest causes of days absent from work.)

Second, I’m one of the “lucky” migraineurs in that, while I get chronic headaches, my pain generally is controllable. I’ve had many classic killer migraines, where I’ve vomited, had to lie down in a dark room, was totally non-functional for 24 hours, etc., but that’s been relatively rare, TG. Maybe I’ve had a couple dozen of these over the past 40 years, but most of mine can be calmed with the Rx medications, or even sometimes with extra-strength Excedrin, if I take it soon enough. About half the time they can’t be knocked completely out, but at least they can be managed down.

Third, so what causes these things? Let’s try to sort this out, lol. I have constant low-level neck pain from some injury (another complicated question) that sometimes gets worse and triggers head pain. My entire neck gets very stiff and hurty for whatever random reason and the pain radiates up, particularly on the right side. Or I will have sinus pain in my face, right side, that can trigger a migraine. (If I have throbbing on the left side, that can indicate a killer migraine is coming.) When I say “trigger,” I mean the original pain is left untreated and gets slowly worse until my temple/eye begins to throb and I feel nauseated. Light and sound start to bother me a lot. I begin to believe that everyone exists simply to annoy the hell out of me. More than usual.

I have done a zillion standard things to try to deal with the neck and sinus pain, except for acupuncture. I know this poast will encourage people to comment with wacko stuff I haven’t tried, and I will do my best not to get unreasonably irritated. 🙄🙄🙄 You mean well and I lurve you.

That was just the beginning of my trigger list, the neck and sinus pain. We can label those things “stuff outside Paula’s control.” Because they are, at least for now. Let’s toss weather in there too. Yes, weather is a big trigger. What kind of weather, you ask. Lol, I reply… all of it! Rain is bad, especially pre-rain when the air pressure goes wonky. Bright sun is bad, obviously. Heat is yuck and so is cold. Windy is the worst, all that dirt and debris swirling in my face. Don’t I sound like Monk? 😀

What is in my control? Avoiding alcohol, smoke, perfume and other flowery scents (but flowers themselves are fine until they mold, at which point they must be dumped immediately), Doritos and other cheesy chips, cheesy popcorn (cheese is fine, just not whatever “cheese” they put in these things), etc.; avoiding loud, crowded places; getting enough regular sleep; not eating too much salt; not eating too little salt!; getting enough protein; staying hydrated, which is oddly difficult; avoiding anxiety-provoking situations, etc.

Am I bound to get a migraine if I slip up and, say, play board games until 2AM and get only four hours sleep one night? Well, no. Here’s the thing (hehe). There’s no guarantee on anything in migraine land. Expect the unexpected. I can do everything perfectly, avoid all triggers ~ have no life basically ~ and still end up with a 3-day migraine that requires Rx meds so I can go to work. But some other time, I can slide a bit on sleep, have a few sips (ahem) of wine, eat potato chips, listen to loud music, and be fine. Yet, if I repeat that two weeks later, I might LITERALLY DIE. You just can’t know. Mostly I play it safe to avoid extra pain because who likes pain? Okay, not this kind of pain.

Also, I have tinnitus, and occasional BPPV (vertigo), which may not be related to the megrims, but it makes my head more annoying to live with. And I suspect it is related ~ why wouldn’t all the things that are wrong inside my head somehow connect to all the otter things that are wrong? We’re talking about a lot of things! Just because no one has figured it out yet doesn’t make it not so. And another thing (prepping for Columbo), why is there no otter emoji?

Hey, I warned you this wouldn’t be pithy.

It’s Migraine Awareness Month!

Good thing I opened this reminder email to be aware of migraines as I literally just took a sumatriptan. Hah.

I haven’t done much migraine bloggery lately because nothing much has changed. I’m still suffering constantly and the pain greatly impacts my life. As my fellow migraineurs know, it’s not only the actual days of pain that ruin events, but the fear of pain and the avoidance of triggers which make us just as anxious, not to mention the side effects of any meds. We don’t drink or smoke, and we avoid loud crowded places, travel, perfume, bright sun, cold wind, etc. We try to stick to routines as best we can. I don’t need a bunch of suggestions in comments ~ I’ve been on top of migraine news for decades, have read all the ideas of things to try and give up, have tried many, and if I haven’t tried something there’s a good reason for it.

Right now, I’m on a low-carb diet, just to see what happens with respect to migraines. I was optimistic at first, but now I’m back to “normal” with a 3-day horrible wave of pain. I like the diet though in general. It feels good to eat meat again (sorry cows) and I’ve been tired of my habits for a while. Obviously sugar is bad, and my lazy way of eating wasn’t healthy (cookies for dinner!), even if I didn’t gain weight. It’s great to have salad and avos daily, cheese, nuts (in moderation), lox, etc. I haven’t actually eaten much meat ~ one small steak so far and a small bowl of beef soup. Mostly I have salad with a little chicken on top, and I eat eggs frequently. I’ve been doing this for around two weeks, though more seriously for this last week.

The problem with the diet overall is nausea. Besides laziness, one of the reasons I ate so many carbiful meals was not only because they were yummy but also they were gentle on my tummy. My tummy does not want salad or meat in the morning (and sometimes not later in the day); it doesn’t always want the traditional egg breakfast either. There aren’t many breakfast choices that are appealing on the low-carb plan. Luckily, I’m not that hungry on it, but skipping meals is not good for the migraine sitch. In fact, it might be triggering some of this current wave of pain. This is a dilemma that could be easily solved with a bagel, lol.

Peeps do this diet to lose weight, but I don’t know what I weigh because my scale failed (I think I got water in the battery compartment when I washed the floor) and I threw it out. I’ve been too lazy to buy another one. This is a really bizarre turn of events! I’ve never been sans scale, and I’m curious to see how long I can last. I do have a doctor’s appointment coming up, so it’s not as though I’ll be completely in the dark.

I can always hope for a new miracle cure. The drug companies are always researching new migraine meds ~ our heads are big biz. I guess I should feel lucky that there are so many of us suffering together.

 

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More Than This

The first time I heard Roxy Music was at Stacey’s apartment in downtown Chicago, in the spring of 1983. I was a classic rock girl and Bryan Ferry was club music. I didn’t go to clubs; I listened to the Beatles and Stones alone at home. Actually, nothing has changed… but that’s beside the point. I don’t remember why we went to Stacey’s either. We were both taking a computer class and broke for lunch or something. She lived nearby. What I do remember is that she turned on the stereo and fired up her bong. It was the first time I’d seen a bong too. I lived a very sheltered life, in the middle of Chicago. I declined her offer of smoke, but I did get intoxicated with Roxy Music and bought an album soon after.

The only reason I’m even bringing this up is because I was listening to RM’s greatest hits the otter day in my car and I thought, holy shit, I’ve been telling peeps the wrong thing all these years. I always say I moved to California because my parents said they’d buy me a car, which they did say, but that’s not why I left ~ I left because my heart was broken.

Stacey and I were talking about men that day, of course, and I confessed I had a crush on Mark, who was also in our class. Mark and I regularly created outrageous fictions about adventures we had together and no one really knew what was going on between us (nothing), and the rest of the class thought we were very entertaining. Sometimes I would create my own individual stories for Mark, so he wouldn’t think I was such a boring boring. He had his own individual stories for me as well that I didn’t know what to make of ~ they were wild and crazy, occasionally verging on the sad.

Eventually we became lovers, in the summer, though I knew it wouldn’t last. My heart broke the first time we were together, as it always does when I know something will fail, and I floated off into that strange limbo of soaring dreams mixed with crushing despair. It’s a potent drug. I never turn something like that down; I simply wait for it to disappear because I know it will. Each time might be the last, so each time is incredibly wonderful, like I imagine it might feel to be on X, though I never have been. What writer would turn this down? How many chances do you have to experience this in your life? You wouldn’t be able to describe it otherwise. I might have only had the once… but as luck would have it, it’s happened a few more times.

Our relationship ended mundanely ~ I had to work, and Mark wanted to go camping. He asked me to go with him, and I couldn’t, so he took another girl. That was in August and I kept working as my parents planned their move out West. I vaguely said I might stay and find a place with a friend, but I made no plans. My job consisted of formatting disks, all day long. I sat at a reception desk and did that, crying silently.

In September, my mother said, you’re not really staying in Chicago, are you? My father said he’d buy me a car if I moved with them. It sounds amusing to say I left for a car, but I would have left in any case. Chicago is nothing but a big frozen heartbreak; that’s why I’ve never gone back, not once. I like to leave places that remind me of bad times; I like to throw everything away. If I can’t, I gather it all together for an emotional bonfire and a story is born. Sometimes the story lies dormant for several decades, apparently.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Dormant

Muscle Memory

Reality recedes
To stardust dreams
And spherical music;
I am more alive when asleep
At our midnight rendezvous.

Your embrace
Sedates me,
Lulls me like
Opium poppies…
An all-consuming peace.

In these drunken moments,
I could love you forever
Without hesitation
Or contemplation,
But alas my bottle is empty now.

Please overwhelm me
With the logical twists
Of your hot pretzel argument,
Until I surrender
To your superior salty wrongness.

If the heart is just a muscle
And love a learned habit,
Then why is it so hard
To break this last recurring
Muscle memory?

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Hesitate