Tag Archives: deletefacebook

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

I’m tired of useless, BS apologies. Haven’t we heard enough of them already? All these phony baloney pretensions of being contrite when everyone knows that the only thing the [celeb, politician, spouse, etc.] is sorry about is the fact that they got caught doing whatever thing. ๐Ÿ™„

I expect that in the coming weeks we’ll be treated to a parade of sorries from the criminals caught up in the college cheating scandal. You know they’re unrepentant. You know they haven’t suddenly found a moral compass. They’re just sorry they got caught.

I would love to see real justice served up to these uber wealthy who believe they can sail through life flinging money at every obstacle until it disappears, but I’ve been told that is unlikely. Money is power after all. These superrich celebs know another scandal will be along soon, and theirs will thaw in the public mind until it melts from view.

It was a relief to read that Faux News creep announcing how he refused to apologize for his nasty comments about women and girls. He knows he’s a jerk. He knows we know ~ and he doesn’t give a crap. No one has to pretend to accept his fake apology because he isn’t giving one. Win win!

On the other hand, when someone is forced to apologize for saying something nasty or doing a bad, and you know they don’t mean it, our cultural norms dictate that you give them a second chance even when you know in your heart they’re insincere. That’s really annoying. ๐Ÿ˜ก

Then what happens? All too predictably, they go and do the same thing again. We’ve all seen it, haven’t we? Both in our personal lives and with public figures. I used to buy into the second chance garbage, especially with romance ~ I can’t tell you how many plots are built around the concept of the “second chance romance,” and it seeps into your mindset that you should be forgiving. Well, that’s crapadoo.

We should be more judgmental is what. If your instincts say someone is a lying jerk, and they’ve hurt you once, then why accept an apology? Why give a second chance? Eff all that. Pffft. ๐Ÿ˜›

Yeah, if time has passed and someone has demonstrably changed their behavior, that’s a different thing. Then their apology isn’t just a giant bowl of moldy word salad.

*

Speaking of misogyny. This is in no way a defense of the Faux News creep, but we are sure weird about bodies, especially female ones. I mean, we have “pageants” where women (or girls even, gah) are supposed to glorify their physical looks in bikinis and glittery gowns, with loads of makeup on their faces and their hair styled all sexy, etc., but men are not supposed to be attracted to them, and if they are, they must not express their attraction in any sort of inappropriate language. What is the right way for a man to say that Miss Maine is appealing to him without sounding degrading or demeaning? “Gosh, I would love to discuss poetry with her over a nice cup of tea?” ๐ŸŒน

There are men who haven’t been present at teen beauty pageants, ever. I would wager most men have not. So, we don’t know what most adult men would say to their friends about these girls. Maybe adult men shouldn’t be at these pageants. Maybe we shouldn’t have contests where teen girls are judged by adult men on how they look in bikinis. Just some thought noodles…

*

WordPress apparently did not want to be left out of the #failloop of Gmail and Facebook, which both went kerflooey this week, Gmail on Tuesday and FB yesterday. (I only know about FB from everyone’s moaning ~ happily, I do not have any FB products myself.) So, last night I was yet again treated to a 12+ hour gap in posts in my newsfeed. If you’re wondering why you’re missing my hearts and cheery comments, this is the reason. ๐Ÿ˜ข

I did search for the prompts however, and to my delight lots of them could be applied (with a wrench) to this very post I had saved in drafts, hurrah! Of course, I needed to write a zillion more words, but when does that stop me? (Hint: never.) I hope everyone has read to the bitter end looking for the prize!

Erm, there isn’t one.

So very sincerely sorry that you read all these words for nothing. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

~*~

Opposites Attract: Challenge 9

Opposites Attract: Challenge 11

[yes, I skipped 10 ~ even my wrench could not make it fit]

Verse-a-Tile

Thanks a million to Kristian for this lovely award! I’m really digging the rainbow pastel design of this particular plaque ~ I think it would be cool to actually have a mini poetic verse inscribed upon it. Then it would be a Verse O Tile.

Okay, so I’m supposed to tell 7 things about myself now. Haven’t I already said it all? Hmm. Let’s see…

2. I’ve been invited to write a story for an anthology, which makes me happy (but the deadline looms).

5. Soon it will be my one-year anniversary of deleting all Facebook products, yay.

4. I am on my third viewing of Game of Thrones in its entirety, which is so nuts, especially since I don’t watch anything else.

7. I’ve returned to my daily morning coffee, and it doesn’t seem to be bothering my tummy like it was for a while, hurrah.

3. The older I get, the more I enjoy silence.

1. I try to grocery shop at 8am on the weekend when there are fewer people.

6. I’m getting bored of board games.

Apparently I’m supposed to tag like 857 bloggers and tell them that they’re versatile too? Lolz. Let’s just pretend you’re one of them, so go ahead and post your 7 things. Yep, you. ๐Ÿ˜€

Tuesday Noodles

From Rory and Doodle Pip…

Is Social Media Ruining Genuine Friendship & Encouraging More Loneliness?

Actually, I think it is and isn’t, depending on the person and circumstances. Genuine friendships can be ruined by lies and gossip getting out of control on social media in ways that didn’t use to happen. By the time you have a chance to catch your breath, everyone and his brother have weighed in on your personal situation. It’s crazy! And it can make apologizing and one-on-one conversation nearly impossible after things have spiraled into the public or even semi-public arena. Sometimes it feels easier just to walk away from a friendship than to deal with an entire tree of Facebook harpies on top of the original problem.

On the other hand, some of us who have felt isolated and relatively friendless because of whatever reason have found communities of like oddballs online (or even one or two others who grok our special weirdness), and this has been such a blessing, for lack of a less loaded term. What a freaking relief after all these years to “meet,” even if only on a screen, another human who has experienced some of the same shitty things we have. Someone who gets our strange sense of humor. Someone who aligns with us politically. Who collects blue crystal spiders. Or believes life began on Neptune. Whatever! There’s someone somewhere who we can discuss this with, and odds are good it won’t be our next door neighbor or someone at work, but probably someone in another state or country.

With our one weird friend in our pocket, we can now go about our daily life faking normalcy without feeling so all alone.

But! Because we have the weird friend or two, and the ability to find more tailored friends online, it’s so seductive to ignore meatspace people who don’t get us, which is pretty much everyone. And since online friends tend to ghost or take breaks sans explanation, sometimes you’re left feeling even emptier than before.

Why Do People Bully Others?

Insecurity. Yep. This is textbook bullying, mostly by men who are “losers” according to cultural standards, but online they have the ability to hurt others, especially when they clump together in a bropod.

Avoid Own Problems. For sure. I think many of us Usenet “combat prose warriors” were in avoidance mode. I was. It was an escape from my home life, and I’m sure I wasn’t alone in that. We were all spending waaay too much time there to have healthy offline relationships.

Look Cool. Maybe. I guess in partisan politics anyone who bashes a Trump supporter looks cool to other Trump haters and the same goes for the other side, but I’m sick of it all.

For Fun. Absolutely. There’s this thing on Twitter called “hate-following.” Like if you hate Trump, you don’t block him or mute him, but instead you follow him and mock his tweets and anyone who supports him. He doesn’t read the comments or engage, so it just makes him appear to have more followers. Counterproductive! Also, why would anyone waste their time doing this? It must be fun!

Which Stigma/Taboo Is Worse?

Mental Health. Is this even a stigma? Seems like everyone is claiming to have a disorder nowadays from being “on the spectrum” to OCD (guilty) to whatever else.

Self Harm. This is sad and scary, but so many have fessed up to it that it doesn’t seem like a stigma either.

Suicidality. This is scary to me, such that I would constantly worry about being close friends with someone who had these thoughts, since I’d feel like I would need to be on high alert. Maybe that turns it into a taboo, if people are scared of it. But you have to be. How can you not be, if you care about someone?

Bullying. People who bully are assholes and should be shunned. This should be a taboo. It isn’t though. The POTUS is a bully and enjoys a solid chunk of support from his base. Same with other politicians and celebs. We secretly like them, don’t we? Maybe we’re genetically programmed to because we want a bully to protect us from the terrors outside the cave. Even those of us who can’t stand Trump want someone tough and mean enough to beat him, don’t we? Cuz if we choose Molly Milquetoast, she will lose.

Do You NEED People In Your Life? How Many People Do You Meet With & Talk

1-3 per Day

4-9 Per Day

10-17 Per Day

18+ Per Day

I laugh at those numbers, especially the last one. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Mine is zero, as in none. Depending on the day, I have 1-3 coworkers I talk to, but I don’t think that counts, since it’s work-related. Maybe twice a month I attend a social event with around a dozen people. I see my daughter and her husband and baby once a month. I try to have one weekend day every weekend where I don’t leave my apartment at all, and one weekend a month that’s completely for me/no events or plans with others.

That said, I don’t feel alone. There are people I talk with almost daily; I just don’t see them in person. This doesn’t bother me at all. I try to imagine if I would be happier seeing more people and the answer is no, always. The opportunities are there if I want them. I used to think I needed to explain why I am this way, but I don’t. Nor do people who like to go to parties and interact with others frequently need to explain. It’s simply how we’re hardwired.

The Madding Crowd

Nice writing prompt from Sarah Elizabeth Moore.

I stand out from the crowd because… I try to avoid the crowd in the first place. With rare exceptions, I make it a point to stay away from the obvious places where there will be masses of people: Disneyland, the malls near holidays, large concert arenas. This is not because I’m a snob; it’s because the feeling of being squashed in with a bunch of bodies and noise makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Last March, I dumped Facebook and its related products. This makes me a little unusual, though by no means unique ~ plenty of people are getting by just fine without FB. And more are exiting every day. You do not have to be a prisoner of the Zuckerborg. Real friends will stay friends. There are lots of ways to communicate.

I decided in 2017 to stop dating, since all it did was cause me misery. I self-recovered from my depression since quitting and have been doing much better. Both things are a little unusual, I think: giving up romance at age 56 (in 2017) and curing myself of depression sans therapy or medication. I find myself to be happiest when I stay focused narrowly on work, health, family, home, and hobbies, and avoid any expansion sets.

Except for Game of Thrones, I’ve given up TV to read and write. GOT will be finished in April/May, so I imagine I will rarely if ever turn on my television except to do an exercise video. This is unusual ~ most people watch television. And again, it’s not snobbery on my part, but an unfortunate reality of time management. There’s no way I can finish everything I want to do if I’m distracted by the TV. I have a great need to see all my writings completed, not that I expect many sales. That isn’t the point. It’s the satisfaction of completion.

Everyone likes to think they’re special, and I suppose we all have at least something a little bit unusual about us, but with so many people in the world, there are likely others with that “unique” trait or combo of traits. I know there are those who don’t watch TV, who don’t date, who hate crowds, etc. Perhaps my daughters would choose different traits about me to label unique.

This is definitely an eye of the beholder question, and quite an interesting one! ๐Ÿ™‚

The Friday Four

A Guy Called Bloke Production

1] Does modern life give us more freedom or less freedom than in the past?

– Obviously more. Just the fact that we’re blogging is testimony to this. Unless you were royalty, in the past your days were spent trying to survive, get enough food and shelter, and avoid being killed. And much of the world still lives this way. The vast majority of the population had no leisure time until fairly recently. Maybe the king, at his whim, would allow a festival, but weekends for play? Vacation time? Arts and recreation? Lol. Most people couldn’t even read let alone write. Don’t whine about being too tied to your phones ~ that’s a choice. Delete some of your social media accounts. You won’t miss them after a week, or less. I’m surviving just fine post-Facebook (deleted with Instagram and Messenger last March).

2] How do we know that our life as we live it, is actually our own life and that we are not trapped in an imaginary world of our own making?

– We don’t. ๐Ÿ˜œ

3] How do you think we should measure the successes of our life? Is it the things we do day in day out? Is it purely a number crunching exercise as to how long we actually live on the planet? Or is it something else?

– I don’t think we should tell other people how to measure their successes, as long as they aren’t hurting others. Some may want to try to cure cancer while others would rather create art. If people want to deprive themselves of pleasure in an attempt to prolong their lives, who cares?

4] We hear and read people who make claim to living an ordinary life. What is exactly that anyway? I mean if we request for others to define โ€˜normalโ€™, then surely we should also ask others to define an ordinary life?

– Ordinary is something everyone thinks they’re not, ditto average and normal. People love to claim they’re crazy and weird. Outliers. They need to be so damn special. Look at me! I’m not like all the others! O rly? We’re all special? None of us live ordinary lives? Mm hmm.

As for me, I’m one of those one-of-a-kind divorced middle-class older women who likes to read and write and watch Game of Thrones with my cat, quite unlike any other person really. ๐Ÿ™„

Journal: Week 2

9. I’ve been good about actions matching words so far this year (it’s early!) except of course I have already messed up on my exercise goals. But I’m still persevering. Every day is a new chance to feel better.

10. One thing I learned about myself last year is that I’m still good at breaking bad habits, just like way back when, as long as I listen to myself and no one else.

11. I’ve overcome the challenge of dumping Facebook when most people are still on it, didn’t believe I could give it up, and keep making excuses for the executives’ bad behavior.

12. A need I can meet? I assume this would be my own… I was having trouble carving out enough time to write, but I gave up TV and movies and now I have the time. (I will watch the last season of Game of Thrones though.)

13. Recently I had dinner at Vegan Nirvana in Huntington Beach. I’m not the hugest fan of fake meat/fish, though this restaurant does a super job at making theirs especially tasty. I had a big salad and it was good. I would have preferred more veggies/nuts and no fake chicken, but that’s not how they roll. I did get lots of steaming hot water for my tea, so yayyy! ๐Ÿ˜€

14. Rory (my NorCal daughter and son in law’s doggie) made me proud ~ she just graduated from her second puppy school class! Go Rory!

15. A good idea… hmm, not sure if I’ve had any good ideas yet this year, but fear not! My blogfans will be the first to know if one arrives at ye olde brain station. ๐Ÿš‚

2018 Wrap Party

This was an interesting year.

I gave up both Facebook and dating sites early in the year. Spent 2017 depressed about both, ostensibly for different reasons but ultimately the same ~ I had devoted a huge amount of time to the pursuit of long-distance friendships and local relationships via both those venues and the end result was similar: meh.*

What’s that BS about how you get out what you put in? Yeah right.

Anyway, I decided to splurge on myself by reclaiming my time and emotional energy, and this was a great gift. I’ve been so much happier and more productive since. In April, I released a poetry book that I finally had time to finish… and yesterday I just released another one. I hope you’ll check them out: All She Wrote (April book) and Monochrome (December book).

In June, it was my absolute joy to welcome my new baby granddaughter to the world. She brings total love and sweetness to my life, and I’m thankful for all the wonderful family time I’ve had this year.

At some point during 2018, a WordPress prompt site closed up shop. Zillions of us who love to natter on about nothing had the big sads. A handful of bloggers stepped up and created their own prompts, which was very cool of them… but then a weird thing happened. Instead of popping over to the site, grabbing the prompt, and writing to our same audience, we began to actually interact with these new prompters and their followers. We started to play more writing games and follow each other and turn into a supportive creative community of awesome!

In October, I was lucky to be able to take a week off from work to help my daughter in NorCal. Also, I got to bond with her new puppy. Last week I had an amazing time with both my daughters, their hubbies, and the baby. Family rocks!

On Thanksgiving, I had a super fun time with friends at the LA Zoo, and yesterday we went up to Simi to visit the Reagan Library. I hope to visit more museums and local points of interest in 2019. Though I was into movies for a while, I find lately I’m feeling rather indifferent toward them.

I have tons of books to read! Not literally, since most are on my Kindle. And now it’s time to begin integrating the mess I wrote on Ghosted during NaNoWriMo with my main novel document. Oh fun. After that, I have to write “the ending,” by which I mean the last third of the book.

And to wrap up the wrap, for the past 7 years, I’m beyond lucky and grateful and thankful that I get to share my life with this amazing lil dude. โค๏ธ๐Ÿฑโค๏ธ

*I treasure my friendships that transcend FB. Not talking about you great folks.

FPQ7: Censorship [rant!]

This week Fandango asks…

โ€œDo you believe that social media sites should be able to censor what people post on their sites and ban content creators from posting? Or do you consider such actions to be a violation of freedom of speech, which is guaranteed as a right in the First Amendment of the U.S. Constitution?โ€

First, let’s talk about the First Amendment. This right guarantees us speech (mostly) free from governmental interference. People are very often confused about this point. The POTUS, much as he may wish to, cannot tell us what to say on our blogs. But our blog platform host, along with our IP, has terms and conditions that we agreed to when we signed up. That’s not the gov’t, and they can enforce their rules, whether against hate speech, however defined, or whatever other thing.

And any individual can ban anyone from comments. I personally have a long list of blocked IPs. These are people who have tried to post shitty comments or spam here and I have censored them. I absolutely have a right to do that. I don’t owe these jerks the right to ruin my convos; they can get their own free blogs. I have blocked loads of people on Twitter too ~ they can’t comment on my tweets because they can’t even view them. When I had a Facebook account, I blocked annoying sorts there all the time, as sensible people do.

Anyway, now we’ve established that it isn’t a violation of our right to free speech for social media sites to ban content. But the question remains: should they? Should the admins police bullies and creeps or let us duke it out among ourselves?

My opinion is that the site admins not only should police content, but they should be much more heavy-handed about it than they are now. We can’t duke it out because the playing field is unbalanced. If I’m a woman posting under my real name, and locatable in meatspace, and an army of trolls attacks me, how am I supposed to fight that? Normal people give up, delete their accounts to protect themselves, and the trolls win. That’s fundamentally unfair… and it happens constantly because anonymous accounts are permitted everywhere.

Let’s take Facebook, which I have deleted. There was a time when FB was vigilant in forcing people to use their real names and identities ~ sure, some fakers snuck through, always happens. But it was a better place then. There wasn’t the massive, continual bullying and trolling, or the fake political bots. But FB caved to pressure from supposed victim groups and allowed people to use any name. To me, that began their great downfall. Billions of users… where to even start sorting that out? And they don’t want to anyway since it’s all potential revenue for ads.

Well, that’s the thing. Right? These sites don’t really want to stop any of this drama because it generates more clicks and excitement than a bunch of people talking about their lunch, which is how we writers initially used Twitter when it was 140 chars and no pics. But the sites have to pretend to care now. Since everyone hates Milo and his brand has died, he was an easy target to dump. Wink wink, nod nod, we’re gonna crack down on hate speech. Yeah, right. And in the meantime look for any Ann Coulter thread… Oh not her. She brings in the bucks. (Not alone, mind. She spews and a fuckton of her haters scream back. It’s a formula. Who wins? Advertisers.)

Back to Facebook. They’re more popular than ever, even though their stock has sunk and new scandals come out weekly now about how they’ve misused people’s data and helped to subvert our elections by allowing the bots to flood Instagram, etc. Normal users don’t care. They just shrug it off. Must keep chatting with friends. Must keep sharing photos. There’s no other way to stay in contact with peeps if I give up messenger. Etc. They’ve been completely brainwashed by the Zuckerborg.

Facebook knows this, so they have very little motivation to actually do anything about the “hate speech.” It’s all smoke and mirrors. And the other social media sites follow suit and don’t shoot themselves in the foot to “clean up” and lose clicks and ad revenue by throwing off people who generate buzz.

Yes, I think they should. No, it doesn’t violate anyone’s rights as long as everyone is treated fairly according to the T&Cs we all agreed to. But it’s not going to happen. The bullying and hate will continue and even get worse as the 2020 election ramps up… starting from the top and oozing on down. Maybe if Twitter banned the POTUS for bullying, that would send a strong message.

Regarding Twitter

I’ve been thinking about Twitter lately. Unlike Facebook, which I deleted in March (along with Instagram and Messenger), Twitter isn’t a time sink for me. I don’t get heavily involved in threads, conversations, private chats, etc. on Twitter. It’s basically a big nothing burger. I was using it for poetry prompts, but lately I’m not finding them that inspirational, so I’ve been reading more politics there, which is a bore. I can find that anywhere. ๐Ÿ™„

Trying to engage with other “tweeps” has accomplished nothing. I’m too late to the game. I’m not politically witty enough to come up with killer tweets to go viral… and even if I had one, then what? Would that translate into book sales or death threats? Now there’s a interesting question. I’m not anonymous. ๐Ÿ˜ฑ

Here’s the thing. I’ve lightly promoted my writing on Twitter… to no effect. My promo tweets immediately slid into the giant sea of writers all doing the same. Everyone on the planet has written a book! Yesterday I met a successful writer and she admitted that her success was due to a completely random interview (not even a good one) in a relatively obscure print magazine. She’d done the other traditionally hyped ways of book promotion to almost no sales until the interview.

It’s very discouraging ~ if you’re writing to make money, that is. I have to look at it as a labor of love: the poetry, my romance novels and short stories, and my current WIP, which is a suspense/romance with supernatural elements. Plus I have lots of writing in various stages of drafts to work on as the spirit moves me. I hope to get it all done before I die. ๐Ÿ˜€

But there’s no reason to delete Twitter. It doesn’t annoy me the way FB did with the fake friends. I know the tweeps aren’t my friends (99% of them anyway), and Twitter doesn’t suck up my time with stupid notifs. But I do think my once a day or so quick check for poetry prompts and such is coming to an end. There’s no point in pretending to stay engaged there when I know it’s not going to do a damn thing to help me market my next book.

I’ll just let my blog poasts flop over as they do, and that’s all my timeline will be filled with eventually. Probably tweeps will unfollow me, or not… if they don’t bother checking Twitter any longer either, which is what I suspect in many cases. ๐Ÿ˜‚

FPQ3: Morality

Fandango has another provocative question for us:

“Is morality objective or is it subjective? If you believe itโ€™s objective, what is its source? If you believe itโ€™s subjective, how do you know whose concept of morality is correct?”

I believe all morality is subjective. It’s a human construct, something a group of people decide to agree upon. There is no ultimate source for it, other than this agreement, though it does make some people feel better to believe there is. Belief in a higher source also motivates many people to behave in ways that are more beneficial to the survival of the group as a whole, so there’s that. Of course this can be taken too far because people are nutz, but what can you do?

As far as whose view is correct, that assumes a premise that there is a “correct” moral system. I think we just adapt to the culture we’re born into and view that system as more or less the right one, or occasionally we rebel entirely, step outside it, and join a new one. Then we turn into obnoxious zealots, like former smokers*, which is gross. ๐Ÿคฎ

Here’s something you can ask yourself about morality and a supreme being. Does it (whatever it is) please God because it is good, or is it good because it is pleasing to God?

Let’s use a real example so we’re not talking in all abstractions like some kinda ivory tower woosicles. I think we can all agree that God must love kittens else he wouldn’t have made them so cute, amirite?

But do kittens please God because they are cute? Or are they cute because they please God? To my mind, it’s the first answer, which means we can then search for other reasons beyond “pleasing to God” that give kittens their cuteness, like their big eyes in their widdle faces, their sweet noses, their triangly ears, their sudden pouncyness, their wiggly tails, their soft soft furs n paws ๐Ÿพ… and so much more. Maybe that’s why God likes them too, who knows. He made them that way, maaaybe to please himself, but in any case they still have these separate qualities.

Some would take an opposing view and say that all things pleasing to God by definition are good ~ that he only loves things with the best qualities, like kittens ~ so if he tells us, via his handy dandy book written by people, to love a thing (or not, as the case may be), you can just use that as a shortcut and not have to think about it further. But duh then what would we need blogs for? We could just go shitpost stupid things to Facebook. ๐Ÿ™„

*Former smoker right here.