Tag Archives: deletefacebook

Mental Health ~ Social Media

Thinking

Beckie has been providing a great series of prompts about various topics related to mental health. I haven’t been chiming in, but I made some time for this one. [My bad, I originally credited it to Ashley, and I’ll leave her link below, since it’s where I found the post to use.]

This week’s topic is social media.

Prompt #1 Questions: 

1. Does social media affect your overall mental health?  If so, please describe how it does affect you? 

– Yes, blogging affects my mental health in a positive way because I have control over my blog and can vet the comments (when necessary). Twitter can go both ways. I read good poetry there, which is inspiring; but sometimes I end up reading too much of the political garbage, which is a downer.

2. How does it make you feel when you see family/friends posting pictures of them living their life happily?  

– This is mostly irrelevant to me because I am not on Facebook or Instagram. When I see bloggers posting happy photos, I smile with them.

3. Do the following people make you feel inadequate in any way due to your mental health?    

– Is the question about envy? Am I sad when I see people in couples? No. I know what it would take for me to be in a relationship and am not willing to make those sacrifices (again). As far as family photos, I have lots of those myself, but I don’t post many out of respect for their privacy.

4. What has been your overall experience with social media?  And, what sites do you follow?  

– As I said, blogging has been a wonderful and positive experience. The writing community here on WP is full of kind and supportive people. Twitter is somewhat positive. Facebook was a net negative and I let it go. Instagram too.

5. Have you considered not being on social media?  

– Sometimes, when I feel time-pressured and discouraged by zero book sales. Like, why am I bothering? I could just read and watch TV. But it’s fun regardless.

6. If you have quit social media sites, has it improved your mental health and stability?  

– Quitting Facebook was one of the best decisions I’ve made. Not only did it suck me into the most pointless arguments about the SOS, but it gave me the false impression I had all these “friends,” which of course was bullshit. Most of them couldn’t even be bothered to visit me here after there was no link in their facefeed. Bookmark? Huh?

7. Has social media ever triggered you in a negative way?  Explain how?  

– Yes. There is a problem with some of the sites in that they are relentless in showing you people (“suggestions”) you would rather never see again. Forex, I can’t log on to LinkedIn without them suggesting I connect with the man who broke my heart. There’s no way to block him or whatever. It’s been long enough now, and my heart has been smashed up worse, for his face not to matter to me any longer. But there were a few years I could not touch the site.

*

Prompt #2  We are all familiar with β€œSelfies”  Describe for us, what is the first thing you think of when you see your family/friends keep sending and/or posting selfies?

– This is no longer an issue for me, since I’m off FB. I love seeing any/all pics of my family, and my friends aren’t into selfies. I’ve never perfected the art of the selfie. Back on FB, there were some women who took a lot of selfies and it always appeared like a desperate attention-seeking ploy.

Then again, aren’t we all on social media to get attention of one kind or another?

~*~

Β© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Oopsy

Some of you may have seen a 3TC slip through the fabric of time and appear at 10AM today instead of 10PM. That was not some sort of weird bend in the universe, but human error… mine. This should put to rest those pesky rumors that I am a bot, since a bot would not screw up. I suppose a bot could be programmed to screw up to seem more human-like however. Ooh.

In any case, I rescheduled the stray post to return tonight as it should, so if you’re one of those suck-ups who do homework in advance to get brownie points, the link is not going to work until later. You can preen though at the thought of having your 3TC finished before others and then run off to do something productive. Oh, who are we kidding, right? You’ll be glued to your screen as usual, waiting for your next hit of posts.

Probably for the best. At least we’re safe in Blogland surrounded by supportive folks and not in the scary wilds of Usenet or FB or some other mean place. Yikes!

Another Award! 🀩

A big bouquet πŸ’ of thanks goes out to Tanya of Salted Caramel for nominating me for this award! Very lovely of her to think of me. I enjoy her blog as well.πŸ’–

Now I’m to talk about how my blog began. As I’ve mentioned, this isn’t my first blog; that one started way back in 2003 or so, simply because other writers had one. Yep, I’m a follower, not a leader. My posts were snarky and intended to start arguments in order to generate traffic, which they did, but it was still low compared to the hot blogs at the time. Back then, I was obsessed with stats.

But I got hoisted by my own petard, as they say. (Do they actually say that? And what is a petard anyway?) Long story short, I ended up in an huge kerfuffle over pit bulls, of all things, and my comments got hacked… it was quite a mess.

I don’t like mess. What I generally do when things get messy, ugly, yucky, or in any way unpleasant, is GTFO. And Ultrablog was no exception. I archived and deleted it.

A while later, I began a second blog. This one was incredibly boring. Deliberately so. I posted only about cats, cupcakes, and shoes ~ in fact, that was the name of the blog. But I did have a private one where I posted more personal things and invited selected readers whom I trusted.

After my mom died, the private blog had pretty much served its purpose, and I was bored with CC&S. So, I began Light Motifs on Blogger. I held the WordPress address just in case… and then it turned out I wanted to switch over in 2009 due to some annoyances with Blogger.

Back then, I posted infrequently compared to now, maybe a few times per week. I’d post song lyrics and other people’s poetry, book reviews and excerpts, etc. It was all regarding my emotional state at the time, which was a mix of hope and despair over a romance. After that ended and I went onto dating sites, this blog became a pit of bitching about that. I went through several cycles of deleting those posts, which is why the years between 2012-2017 have giant gaps in them.

Since I’ve quit dating and facebooking, I’ve not deleted any posts here. I’m more mindful of what I write in the first place, which is my first piece of advice to new bloggers (we’re supposed to give two bits of advice in this award post). Even if you don’t have many followers yet, try to keep in mind that your posts are public and envision an audience when you write. Make each post the best it can be, and give something of yourself to your audience, whether it’s a personal anecdote or an original creative writing or photo. Don’t just link to another site without comment. That’s no fun. 😒

And for heaven’s sake, never mention pit bulls! 😱🐢🀯

I’ll stop here because I don’t like to tag people for awards. I hereby nominate all my recent commenters for this one ~ you’re recognized! Grab the award and make a post. G’wan… don’t be shy! πŸ˜€

Blogsturbation

It just occurred to me to follow myself. I’m sure that must be legal in California. And now look! πŸ˜€πŸ‘€πŸŽ‰ I have finally zoomed up to 800 WP followers, woohoo! I’m in the big leagues now, baby! Yeehaw!

Yeah, yeah. I know some of you have 1000, 2000, 8000, whatever. But plz remember that I stagnated here for a decade posting sad song lyrics and complaining about dating sites to around 12 people via email plus my Facebook friends. It’s only recently since I dumped FB that I began interacting with the WP writing community.

Love you all! ❀️

(Hope this is okay for the Weekly Smile.)

Mystery Blogger Award

Rory, of A Guy Called Bloke, has gifted me with this wonderful award to brighten up my morning. Thank you, Rory! I must say that Rory is among my favorite bloggers ~ he really makes an effort to draw our little community together by posting a variety of super fun interactive games, stories, and linked events. He also makes the rounds of his followed favorites regularly, and not merely to drop likes (guilty) but to leave meaningful and funny comments. I’ve found many other great bloggers via his links and games too because he makes an effort to introduce us to one another. Not least, Rory is a fantastic storyteller! I love his poems and his creativity. I don’t know how he finds the time for so much writing; and today I learned he plays WoW too? My gosh. He must never sleep! πŸ˜‚

Award Guidance

Thank whoever gifted you and include a link to their blog. βœ…

Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well. βœ…

Tell your readers 3 things about yourself.

1. I put my novel Ghosted on hold, since it made me too stressed to keep failing to progress on it. Not to mention that once it’s done… so what? It’ll sell about 10 copies like all my other books, so why bother?

2. I’m in chronic pain, which gets me down at times. Not everyone has the cheery TV pain personality and focuses on their “blessings” every minute.

3. I suppose I should write something upbeat so I don’t sound like a horrible crab… errr, my cat was healthy at his last checkup, yayyy! πŸ±πŸ’–

Answer the questions from the person who gifted you the Award.

Rory posted a video of skeletons and things dancing in a graveyard and asked…

Would you do the above dance naked on the rooftop for a cookie?

No.

Why Not?

Because I don’t want to get arrested.

You would? Really? Why?

N/A.

Ok, how about for 1000 in your currency?

Still no.

Ok, how about for a 100,000 in your currency?

Okay. I’ll pick the rooftop and let you know when I find one sufficiently deserted.

Choose 3 bloggers that you wish to gift the Award to.

I choose all bloggers who haven’t yet received a mystery award. YOU ARE TAGGED!

Ask 5 questions of your choice with one weird or funny one.

1. Are you still using Facebook?

2. Why or why not?

3. What about Twitter?

4. Add me on Twitter? @lightm0tifs

5. Why do we have to take all the tea in China and dump it in the deep blue sea just because “she” is as sweet as Tupelo honey???

Notify those you gift the Award to.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE! πŸ˜›

Sorry Sorry Sorry!

I’m tired of useless, BS apologies. Haven’t we heard enough of them already? All these phony baloney pretensions of being contrite when everyone knows that the only thing the [celeb, politician, spouse, etc.] is sorry about is the fact that they got caught doing whatever thing. πŸ™„

I expect that in the coming weeks we’ll be treated to a parade of sorries from the criminals caught up in the college cheating scandal. You know they’re unrepentant. You know they haven’t suddenly found a moral compass. They’re just sorry they got caught.

I would love to see real justice served up to these uber wealthy who believe they can sail through life flinging money at every obstacle until it disappears, but I’ve been told that is unlikely. Money is power after all. These superrich celebs know another scandal will be along soon, and theirs will thaw in the public mind until it melts from view.

It was a relief to read that Faux News creep announcing how he refused to apologize for his nasty comments about women and girls. He knows he’s a jerk. He knows we know ~ and he doesn’t give a crap. No one has to pretend to accept his fake apology because he isn’t giving one. Win win!

On the other hand, when someone is forced to apologize for saying something nasty or doing a bad, and you know they don’t mean it, our cultural norms dictate that you give them a second chance even when you know in your heart they’re insincere. That’s really annoying. 😑

Then what happens? All too predictably, they go and do the same thing again. We’ve all seen it, haven’t we? Both in our personal lives and with public figures. I used to buy into the second chance garbage, especially with romance ~ I can’t tell you how many plots are built around the concept of the “second chance romance,” and it seeps into your mindset that you should be forgiving. Well, that’s crapadoo.

We should be more judgmental is what. If your instincts say someone is a lying jerk, and they’ve hurt you once, then why accept an apology? Why give a second chance? Eff all that. Pffft. πŸ˜›

Yeah, if time has passed and someone has demonstrably changed their behavior, that’s a different thing. Then their apology isn’t just a giant bowl of moldy word salad.

*

Speaking of misogyny. This is in no way a defense of the Faux News creep, but we are sure weird about bodies, especially female ones. I mean, we have “pageants” where women (or girls even, gah) are supposed to glorify their physical looks in bikinis and glittery gowns, with loads of makeup on their faces and their hair styled all sexy, etc., but men are not supposed to be attracted to them, and if they are, they must not express their attraction in any sort of inappropriate language. What is the right way for a man to say that Miss Maine is appealing to him without sounding degrading or demeaning? “Gosh, I would love to discuss poetry with her over a nice cup of tea?” 🌹

There are men who haven’t been present at teen beauty pageants, ever. I would wager most men have not. So, we don’t know what most adult men would say to their friends about these girls. Maybe adult men shouldn’t be at these pageants. Maybe we shouldn’t have contests where teen girls are judged by adult men on how they look in bikinis. Just some thought noodles…

*

WordPress apparently did not want to be left out of the #failloop of Gmail and Facebook, which both went kerflooey this week, Gmail on Tuesday and FB yesterday. (I only know about FB from everyone’s moaning ~ happily, I do not have any FB products myself.) So, last night I was yet again treated to a 12+ hour gap in posts in my newsfeed. If you’re wondering why you’re missing my hearts and cheery comments, this is the reason. 😒

I did search for the prompts however, and to my delight lots of them could be applied (with a wrench) to this very post I had saved in drafts, hurrah! Of course, I needed to write a zillion more words, but when does that stop me? (Hint: never.) I hope everyone has read to the bitter end looking for the prize!

Erm, there isn’t one.

So very sincerely sorry that you read all these words for nothing. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

~*~

Opposites Attract: Challenge 9

Opposites Attract: Challenge 11

[yes, I skipped 10 ~ even my wrench could not make it fit]

Verse-a-Tile

Thanks a million to Kristian for this lovely award! I’m really digging the rainbow pastel design of this particular plaque ~ I think it would be cool to actually have a mini poetic verse inscribed upon it. Then it would be a Verse O Tile.

Okay, so I’m supposed to tell 7 things about myself now. Haven’t I already said it all? Hmm. Let’s see…

2. I’ve been invited to write a story for an anthology, which makes me happy (but the deadline looms).

5. Soon it will be my one-year anniversary of deleting all Facebook products, yay.

4. I am on my third viewing of Game of Thrones in its entirety, which is so nuts, especially since I don’t watch anything else.

7. I’ve returned to my daily morning coffee, and it doesn’t seem to be bothering my tummy like it was for a while, hurrah.

3. The older I get, the more I enjoy silence.

1. I try to grocery shop at 8am on the weekend when there are fewer people.

6. I’m getting bored of board games.

Apparently I’m supposed to tag like 857 bloggers and tell them that they’re versatile too? Lolz. Let’s just pretend you’re one of them, so go ahead and post your 7 things. Yep, you. πŸ˜€

Tuesday Noodles

From Rory and Doodle Pip…

Is Social Media Ruining Genuine Friendship & Encouraging More Loneliness?

Actually, I think it is and isn’t, depending on the person and circumstances. Genuine friendships can be ruined by lies and gossip getting out of control on social media in ways that didn’t use to happen. By the time you have a chance to catch your breath, everyone and his brother have weighed in on your personal situation. It’s crazy! And it can make apologizing and one-on-one conversation nearly impossible after things have spiraled into the public or even semi-public arena. Sometimes it feels easier just to walk away from a friendship than to deal with an entire tree of Facebook harpies on top of the original problem.

On the other hand, some of us who have felt isolated and relatively friendless because of whatever reason have found communities of like oddballs online (or even one or two others who grok our special weirdness), and this has been such a blessing, for lack of a less loaded term. What a freaking relief after all these years to “meet,” even if only on a screen, another human who has experienced some of the same shitty things we have. Someone who gets our strange sense of humor. Someone who aligns with us politically. Who collects blue crystal spiders. Or believes life began on Neptune. Whatever! There’s someone somewhere who we can discuss this with, and odds are good it won’t be our next door neighbor or someone at work, but probably someone in another state or country.

With our one weird friend in our pocket, we can now go about our daily life faking normalcy without feeling so all alone.

But! Because we have the weird friend or two, and the ability to find more tailored friends online, it’s so seductive to ignore meatspace people who don’t get us, which is pretty much everyone. And since online friends tend to ghost or take breaks sans explanation, sometimes you’re left feeling even emptier than before.

Why Do People Bully Others?

Insecurity. Yep. This is textbook bullying, mostly by men who are “losers” according to cultural standards, but online they have the ability to hurt others, especially when they clump together in a bropod.

Avoid Own Problems. For sure. I think many of us Usenet “combat prose warriors” were in avoidance mode. I was. It was an escape from my home life, and I’m sure I wasn’t alone in that. We were all spending waaay too much time there to have healthy offline relationships.

Look Cool. Maybe. I guess in partisan politics anyone who bashes a Trump supporter looks cool to other Trump haters and the same goes for the other side, but I’m sick of it all.

For Fun. Absolutely. There’s this thing on Twitter called “hate-following.” Like if you hate Trump, you don’t block him or mute him, but instead you follow him and mock his tweets and anyone who supports him. He doesn’t read the comments or engage, so it just makes him appear to have more followers. Counterproductive! Also, why would anyone waste their time doing this? It must be fun!

Which Stigma/Taboo Is Worse?

Mental Health. Is this even a stigma? Seems like everyone is claiming to have a disorder nowadays from being “on the spectrum” to OCD (guilty) to whatever else.

Self Harm. This is sad and scary, but so many have fessed up to it that it doesn’t seem like a stigma either.

Suicidality. This is scary to me, such that I would constantly worry about being close friends with someone who had these thoughts, since I’d feel like I would need to be on high alert. Maybe that turns it into a taboo, if people are scared of it. But you have to be. How can you not be, if you care about someone?

Bullying. People who bully are assholes and should be shunned. This should be a taboo. It isn’t though. The POTUS is a bully and enjoys a solid chunk of support from his base. Same with other politicians and celebs. We secretly like them, don’t we? Maybe we’re genetically programmed to because we want a bully to protect us from the terrors outside the cave. Even those of us who can’t stand Trump want someone tough and mean enough to beat him, don’t we? Cuz if we choose Molly Milquetoast, she will lose.

Do You NEED People In Your Life? How Many People Do You Meet With & Talk

1-3 per Day

4-9 Per Day

10-17 Per Day

18+ Per Day

I laugh at those numbers, especially the last one. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Mine is zero, as in none. Depending on the day, I have 1-3 coworkers I talk to, but I don’t think that counts, since it’s work-related. Maybe twice a month I attend a social event with around a dozen people. I see my daughter and her husband and baby once a month. I try to have one weekend day every weekend where I don’t leave my apartment at all, and one weekend a month that’s completely for me/no events or plans with others.

That said, I don’t feel alone. There are people I talk with almost daily; I just don’t see them in person. This doesn’t bother me at all. I try to imagine if I would be happier seeing more people and the answer is no, always. The opportunities are there if I want them. I used to think I needed to explain why I am this way, but I don’t. Nor do people who like to go to parties and interact with others frequently need to explain. It’s simply how we’re hardwired.

The Madding Crowd

Nice writing prompt from Sarah Elizabeth Moore.

I stand out from the crowd because… I try to avoid the crowd in the first place. With rare exceptions, I make it a point to stay away from the obvious places where there will be masses of people: Disneyland, the malls near holidays, large concert arenas. This is not because I’m a snob; it’s because the feeling of being squashed in with a bunch of bodies and noise makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Last March, I dumped Facebook and its related products. This makes me a little unusual, though by no means unique ~ plenty of people are getting by just fine without FB. And more are exiting every day. You do not have to be a prisoner of the Zuckerborg. Real friends will stay friends. There are lots of ways to communicate.

I decided in 2017 to stop dating, since all it did was cause me misery. I self-recovered from my depression since quitting and have been doing much better. Both things are a little unusual, I think: giving up romance at age 56 (in 2017) and curing myself of depression sans therapy or medication. I find myself to be happiest when I stay focused narrowly on work, health, family, home, and hobbies, and avoid any expansion sets.

Except for Game of Thrones, I’ve given up TV to read and write. GOT will be finished in April/May, so I imagine I will rarely if ever turn on my television except to do an exercise video. This is unusual ~ most people watch television. And again, it’s not snobbery on my part, but an unfortunate reality of time management. There’s no way I can finish everything I want to do if I’m distracted by the TV. I have a great need to see all my writings completed, not that I expect many sales. That isn’t the point. It’s the satisfaction of completion.

Everyone likes to think they’re special, and I suppose we all have at least something a little bit unusual about us, but with so many people in the world, there are likely others with that “unique” trait or combo of traits. I know there are those who don’t watch TV, who don’t date, who hate crowds, etc. Perhaps my daughters would choose different traits about me to label unique.

This is definitely an eye of the beholder question, and quite an interesting one! πŸ™‚

The Friday Four

A Guy Called Bloke Production

1] Does modern life give us more freedom or less freedom than in the past?

– Obviously more. Just the fact that we’re blogging is testimony to this. Unless you were royalty, in the past your days were spent trying to survive, get enough food and shelter, and avoid being killed. And much of the world still lives this way. The vast majority of the population had no leisure time until fairly recently. Maybe the king, at his whim, would allow a festival, but weekends for play? Vacation time? Arts and recreation? Lol. Most people couldn’t even read let alone write. Don’t whine about being too tied to your phones ~ that’s a choice. Delete some of your social media accounts. You won’t miss them after a week, or less. I’m surviving just fine post-Facebook (deleted with Instagram and Messenger last March).

2] How do we know that our life as we live it, is actually our own life and that we are not trapped in an imaginary world of our own making?

– We don’t. 😜

3] How do you think we should measure the successes of our life? Is it the things we do day in day out? Is it purely a number crunching exercise as to how long we actually live on the planet? Or is it something else?

– I don’t think we should tell other people how to measure their successes, as long as they aren’t hurting others. Some may want to try to cure cancer while others would rather create art. If people want to deprive themselves of pleasure in an attempt to prolong their lives, who cares?

4] We hear and read people who make claim to living an ordinary life. What is exactly that anyway? I mean if we request for others to define β€˜normal’, then surely we should also ask others to define an ordinary life?

– Ordinary is something everyone thinks they’re not, ditto average and normal. People love to claim they’re crazy and weird. Outliers. They need to be so damn special. Look at me! I’m not like all the others! O rly? We’re all special? None of us live ordinary lives? Mm hmm.

As for me, I’m one of those one-of-a-kind divorced middle-class older women who likes to read and write and watch Game of Thrones with my cat, quite unlike any other person really. πŸ™„