Tag Archives: death

Chiaroscuro

Today’s challenge is light and dark, and I’ve found two pics to fit.

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Song Lyric Sunday: Glass

Thanks to Helen for once again giving us a great prompt! Lots of good song choices for “glass” ~ I ultimately went with “Sunrise, Sunset” sung by Herschel Bernardi. There are many versions, including clips from Fiddler on the Roof, but this studio version is articulated so clearly and I just love it. A friend sent it to me last night. The lyrics were originally written in 1964 by Jerry Bock and Sheldon Harnick. Listening to it can be a very emotional experience, especially for a parent. (Warning.)

Sorry, I can’t find a full set of correct lyrics to C&P. The relevant lines are as follows:

“Now is the little boy a bridegroom,
Now is the little girl a bride;
Under the canopy I see them, side by side.
Place the gold ring upon her finger,
Drink the sweet wine and break the glass –
Soon the full circle will have come to pass.”

Please listen to the whole video. 🙂

The Pink Cupcake [a dating story]

A couple people have asked about my blog icon photo, so here’s the Saturday night special version. This isn’t a funny dating story with a twist at the end, but a stupidly sad one, or a sadly stupid one. Take your pick.

I had a relatively popular blog from 2004-2007ish. Then I grew weary of the (self-imposed) pressure to come up with funny and/or interesting poasts several times per day. Back then, I grabbed a lot of my topics from the news, including political stuff, and wasn’t afraid of generating arguments; now, I avoid this.

For a while, I tried keeping a super light blog about cats, cupcakes, and shoes only, but it became too boring for everyone, including me. Then my mom died, and my marriage broke up. Those two things aren’t related, but they’re both at the top of the life stress scale. I latched onto the first person who offered emotional support… and I fell in love with him. And he was married ~ one of those who was just waiting to leave when X happened, but then X turned into Y, and then Z. (He’s still there, living in the house with his wife long after X, Y, Z, yada.)

So, to cope I started a new blog, this one. My first poast was March 25, 2011. I didn’t talk directly about my relationship of course, since he knew about the blog too, but I would poast song lyrics and excerpts from books I was reading that alluded to it. Later, after we broke up, I did write a bit about how I felt at certain points, though I’ve probably deleted most of that now. Long-time readers will know him as TMW, short for “the man who broke my heart.”

In 2010, for his birthday I bought cupcakes for us. Not a cake because obviously he wouldn’t be able to take it home with him. I took a pic of mine ~ it was strawberry with a chocolate heart. Later I realized the heart was broken and I thought it was a neat pic. When I began the blog, I decided to use it for my “subtle” profile photo. If anyone asked, I figured I could say I was planning to resume doing cupcake reviews again. But I’m not planning to do that. I just like this photo. It’s held up over time.

So Much Extra

Lotta questions from a new blog I’m following, so much extra you don’t need to know about me, but you will read to the end, yes? I lazily stole the intro para and links from Fandango:

“Blogger Melanie, over at Sparks from a Combustible Mind, posted a series of questions (along with her answers) on the philosophy of living life that she got from A Guy Called Bloke. As one of the great life philosophers in the blogosphere, I felt compelled to respond. So here goes.”

Q1] What is your take on ‘free will?’

Mythical, like a unicorn.

Q2] We all ask ourselves at one time or another what is the point? So what is the point to our existence?

There is no point. It’s all meaningless. Might as well have another donut. You know you will anyway (see Q1).

Q3] What is your belief on fate and Karma?

Good concepts for poetry and fiction.

Q4] As a species, how do you think humans will become extinct or do you believe that we will not?

Whoops, forgot to answer this one first time around. Sorry. I’m operating on four hours of sleep. I think there will be a mass extinction event, such as a meteor strike or an incurable fatal plague epidemic. Or maybe we will end up in a nuclear WW3.

Q5] What is your belief with regards the meaning of life?

See Q2.

Q6] Ok, fess up, do you believe in aliens from outer space – is there really other life out there in the far reaching galaxies beyond our own?

Likely.

Q7] What is your best quote for ‘living life?’

“Life is short; eat dessert first.”

Q8] What doesn’t kill us – makes us stronger – yes or no? Explain.

Depends what it is. Divorce? Alligator? Nuclear bomb?

Q9] What would you say have been your biggest successes in life?

Raising children to be good people.

Q10] If you could find out the exact time and cause of your death – would you want to know?

Sure.

Q11] Is it more important to help yourself, help your family, help your society, or help the world?

Each of these doesn’t have to exclude the others.

Q12] If humanity was put on trial by an advanced race of aliens, how would you defend humanity and argue for its continued existence?

It would be difficult right now.

Q13] What is the biggest waste of human potential?

All the technology used to destroy and divide instead of help, build, save, feed, clothe, house, etc.

Q14] We often see those that write ‘what would you say to a younger you?’ However, what would you say today to a future you?

Your bangs are crooked.

Q15] Why do you think that as a species, humans need to believe in something? Be this religion, fate, karma, magical, mystique, and so on.

I don’t, but I get that it’s too hard for some people to cope with falling into the abyss of nothingness. It’s not scary though ~ it’s just like before you were born. Nothing.

Q16] If we could not retain any of our memories – who would we be?

Nobody, like one music note at a time by itself, having no relationship to other notes.

Q17] Time is such an important part of our world, but do you think you would notice if time was altered in any way?

It already is going faster, as I perceive it.

Q18] How important is play in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

I play a lot of games.

Q19] With no laws or rules to influence your behavior, how do you think you would behave?

I’d be even more terrified of other people, since so many of them disobey the laws and rules we have now. I’d probably have to buy a gun and kill lots of them. /shrug

Q20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

Nope.

Q21] Should euthanasia be legal? Why or why not?

Yes. There should be safeguards of course, but if an adult who is terminally ill or has a horribly painful or debilitating condition wants to end their suffering sooner than later, that’s their biz. Remember that life is terminal regardless ~ it’s just a matter of when. There’s no getting around this fact.

Peanut Butter

I stole these 26 questions from Fandango, who snagged them from Barbara, at Teleportingweena. But I have an issue with 26 (yes, including our alphabet, annoying). Twenty-five is a great number, and oddly enough (hehe) so is 27. But 26? Meh! I guess I can think of it as 13×2 and be okay that way. That’s what I’ll do then: renumber the questions halfway through.

1. Share your profile picture.

– Which profile? Here’s one from last year, taken at the happiest place on earth.

2. Who are you named after?

– Paula Abdul.

3. Do you like your handwriting?

– Like Fandango, I used to have great handwriting, but now that I’ve gotten older, it sucks.

4. What’s your favorite lunchmeat?

– Peanut butter.

5. Longest relationship?

– I had a good relationship with my dad from the day I was born until he died in 2013 just before I turned 52.

6. Do you still have your tonsils?

– Nope.

7. Would you bungee jump?

– NFW!

8. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?

– Sometimes.

9. Favorite ice-cream?

– Coconut chocolate chip.

10. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

– That they’re too close to me.

11. Football or baseball?

– Neither.

12. What color pants are you wearing?

– White lounge pants with grey and pink flowers.

13. Last thing you ate?

– Peanut butter on a banana.

1. If you were a crayon what color would you be?

– Ultraviolet, baby.

2. Favorite smell?

– Cinnanommmm.

3. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?

– One of the partners at work.

4. Hair color?

– Light brown plus some silver.

5. Eye color?

– Hazel (this feels like filling out a dating profile now).

6. Favorite food to eat?

– Seafood pasta.

7. Scary movies or happy endings?

– Romantic comedies with happy endings.

8. Last movie you watched?

– I rewatched American Gigolo a few days back because it came up on Prime. Saw it over 30 years ago and liked it a lot. Didn’t like it that much this time. I didn’t sense any chemistry between the leads; it was just trashy and sad.

9. Favorite holiday?

– Loved Fandango’s answer, but I’ll go with New Year’s Day.

10. Beer or wine?

– Neither. Alcohol triggers migraines.

11. Favorite day of the week?

– Sunday.

12. Three or (four) favorite bloggers you want to learn more about?

– Anyone who plays along.

13. Added info you didn’t know you wanted.

Buy my books!

Tsunami


Art by Annija Veldre

I thought it was you
Drowning me in words,
Said and unread,
Spilling over my head;
You blamed my mother
And the tide takes the dead.
The waves roll relentless,
Caring not of despair,
Crashing past joy
And agony the same.
At the end it’s all smooth,
A glassy blue plane,
As if nothing existed
And maybe we didn’t–
Why not walk into it;
Why not give in?
Sand hot and glistening
Hides bulleted bones
As well as pink stones.
And one wave grows stronger;
One ghost comes home.

I Wouldn’t Call It An Obsession, But…

…I like to read about the British Royal Family.

There, I said it. Whew! Confession is good for the soul. 😀

Whenever I see an article about a pretty frock Princess Whozis is wearing, I click on that. I want to read more. Is she wearing pantyhose like she’s supposed to? I need to know (if not, I hope the Queen won’t haz a mad). What about shooze? Do they match the dress perfectly or are they black or nude? I like to find out.

I read about the cute lovey nicknames the couples have for each otter, their adorable kids, that time they broke up (oh sads), etc. I smile to see pics of their shiny happiness. And I love all the bright colors the Queen wears. She rocks.

I especially like reading these tidbits now. They’re like M&Ms sprinkled in our shit salad of news… one dripping horror slice after another about the deranged narcissist POTUS, his spineless enablers, the rise of white supremacy, the constant random shootings, the nonstop domestic violence, the weekly overdoses/deaths of celebs, the never-ending wars, on and on.

Yeah. More fluff pieces on fancy hats, please and thank you.

Prophecy

When the child attained her seventh year, they brought her to the sacred stones. She was the seventh daughter of the seventh sage and possessed the sight.

“Tell us,” they urged. “We must know.”

She stared at the water as it glimmered in the early morning light. The ripples formed patterns that reshaped themselves into a fully formed picture in her mind.

“Fire.” She closed her eyes, her fair lashes fanning over her pale skin. “Brother against brother and fires across the hills until all the men are dead.”

They gasped at her prognostication. “All? Can we save anyone? Babies?”

The girl’s face betrayed no emotion as she resumed gazing into the pond. She stayed silent for several minutes. The sun rose higher and the elders grew nervous. But they waited, faces hidden under hooded robes.

Finally, she spoke again. “When the silver wolf comes out of the forest, send the child away.”

They didn’t question her warning; the probability that a seventh seventh would be wrong was too low to consider. Such a thing had never occurred here, to their knowledge. In fact, as they each thought of it, an insidious treachery had already begun to permeate their tribe. Low-level fighting occurred weekly, though of course the girl would not know of such things, living in her guarded forest glen.

With a nod, they moved toward her. It was time. The girl had served her purpose and done well; now her blood must be added to the sacred stones with others of her kind. Knives flashed out from their robes, sharp edges glittering.

One of the elders stood back and whistled. A silver shape sailed out of the trees and flung itself at the other robed figures, knocking them down and killing them instantly. The wolf looked up, its mouth red, and locked gazes with the girl, their eyes the same misty grey.

The sage held out his hand to his daughter. “We must go quickly. I packed bags for us and hid them under the wandering oak.”

She took his hand and the silver wolf trotted alongside them. When she picked up her bag, she looked back once and saw the hills had started to burn.

“A diversion,” the sage told her. “The longer it takes anyone to remember it was prophecy day, the further away we shall be. I have plenty of gold to buy us passage on a ship once we get over the mountains.”

She didn’t tell him she had foreseen his death while at sea.

Tourist [RDP]

Days blend in a haze,
Like coconut, mango, and rum;
Sometimes she can’t tell
When one ends
And another has begun.
She feels like a tourist
In the shops of her life,
But she no longer stops
For seashell postcards–
She has nothing to write.
Grey mist encircles her,
And she thinks it’s the end,
But it’s only afternoon fog,
Soon to dissolve,
Then sunlight once again.

Fungible People [RDP]

What a coincidence that fungible is one of the prompts for today… I was ruminating (moo!) on the concept last night, using a lot of words and metaphors, but never coming up with this one. Fungible is always used with things like money and oil, not people ~ but why can’t it be used with people?

One of the reasons I’m becoming more introverted with age is due to my feeling that so many people view others as interchangeable objects. And I dislike this obviously. I had the sense as a young mom that other moms were my “friends” only because it was convenient. Once it stopped being convenient, the friendship dissolved. Example: I thought I was close friends with R, and we did many fun things together with our kids, but then she needed someone for a carpool and I couldn’t do it, so she asked A, who could. I literally never heard from R again. I was easily switched out with another person. Fungible.

I find it interesting that almost all my Facebook “friends” have disappeared since my exit. I basically have the same friends I had pre-FB ~ a handful of writers and meatspace peeps. Those FB connections were a pile of meaningless fluff, nothing to any of us, and only a way for Mark Z and the advertisers to rake in bucks. Since I’m not special, I’ll presume to say it’s the same for everyone. Just so you know.

After my divorce, I had the silly idea that divorced men would also be looking for the right person, not wanting to make another mistake late in life, etc. But this is mostly not true. They are looking for anyone who vaguely fits into a mental cutout they have labeled “girlfriend” (or “hookup” as the case may be). Anyone who fits will do, and if she leaves, he’ll easily replace her with another, or try to. We’re all fungible.

More and more, I only enjoy interacting with my family (and a few close friends): as the mom, I’m not fungible. No one can take my place. No one has ever replaced my mother. I still think about her every day. ❤️