Tag Archives: dating

Journeys [SOCS]

Rainbow keys

Journey was the first band I saw in concert, back in 1980. I haven’t been to many shows because (1) they’re usually super expensive for the bands I like and it’s hard to get good seats for a reasonable price, and (2) the music is so loud it is actually unpleasant to listen to. I guess others don’t feel this way, but I like “produced” music, free of mistakes and shouting/applause and long ridiculous ego solos. Put me down as the “Tang” music consumer. 🎶

If I’d kept a journal back then, for sure it would have been filled with complaints about the boyfriend in Illinois who took me to that concert. He meant well, I guess, but he was what now we term in the dating world “radically honest,” aka an insensitive jerk. Nothing much has changed for me with respect to relationships since I was 18. Guess I was always destined to be a single cat lady 🐈‍⬛ but I’m glad I detoured from that path for a minute to have two sweet children.

Back to music, I’ve really enjoyed the shows I’ve seen at the Orange County Fairgrounds. Weird Al (twice), two different Eagles cover bands, and a cover band for The Who. I also saw a Johnny Cash cover band in Newport Beach and they were fantastic. In general though, blasting music does not agree with me and can trigger a migraine. (These shows were at a normal volume.) Oh, the Journey concert was hideous… we were right next to an amp. 😱

And with that, this post is adjourned.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ92: Anonymously Yours

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

“Do you blog anonymously? Why or why not?”

I do not blog anonymously, though I understand why people do, and sometimes I wish I had. My name is slightly altered from my “real” one, but I can be found and I use my actual face photos to make that process even easier. 🤣

Why am I not anonymous? Well, it’s mainly because I began writing online 20+ years ago with this name and I want to refer to my published work, mostly self-published, but even so. I also write as Anna Fondant, which I’ve made no secret of either. Supposedly, it’s best to have one name per genre, and Anna focuses on romance and erotica. I have a third name for a completely different style of writing, but I unpublished that novel. I intend to edit it and make a trilogy of it… someday! It’s sort of science fiction erotica, or it appears to be sci-fi, but maybe it isn’t.

Dark keyboard

I try not to identify real people in my blog or otherwise unless I have their permission. My “dating stories” have many details obscured, though one guy recognized himself, which turned out to be fun. Once, I ranted about someone (without naming her), and she read it and bitched, so I took down the post. I’ve been more careful since then. I don’t post pics of others until I receive their OK, or if they’re in the public domain, such as Pexels or Pixabay. I also avoid discussing my work, family, or friends in any great detail. In that way, I’m discreet, if not anonymous. I cringe every time I see a “mommy blogger” post embarrassing stories or pics of her kids. One day, they will google themselves…

If I’d been anonymous from the start, I could have used blogging as a great catharsis for my thoughts on relationships, marriage, sex, work, politics, religion, etc. But I didn’t and I don’t. When I say anything on those topics, I’m very careful, sticking to bland stuff like “Vote Blue!” My Twitter is connected here (you have to go to the main blog to see it), but even there I retweet only mainstream Democratic stuff. You may think you know a lot about me because I’ve posted so very very many words, but you actually do not. Even those who were “privileged” to read my private blogs years ago know only a sliver more.

Secret admirer

There was a time when I was extremely depressed because I thought I’d never meet a “soul mate” I could be 100% myself with, and vice versa, but I’m over it. Pretty much. I remember those few times though when I thought I had someone like this, or someone was a potential “this,” and it was ecstatically life-altering. Then came the crash. I’ve now accepted that it’s not going to happen, and hoping for it makes me feel worse, so I have to continue to censor myself with everyone everywhere, in various ways.

Cue sad whiny music… 🎶

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ91: Liar, Liar, POF

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

Is it even possible to live a normal life and to not ever tell a lie?

I’m not sure what a “normal” life is… perhaps there are some people who never lie and that’s normal for them. So, I’m only going to answer for myself. No. It is not possible for me to live a normal life and never tell a lie.

I lie often, and I am pretty sure most of the people around me do too. Why hurt people’s feelings unnecessarily by being brutally honest? For example, hair. I will always say I like someone’s new hairstyle (assuming I notice it). That costs me nothing and makes them happy. I guess the brutally honest folks would say that’s not being a good friend because now the new hair person will keep the unflattering style. But so what? Why should I decide what’s attractive on someone else anyway?

Spider bun

Something to keep in mind: when someone asks for your opinion, most of the time they don’t really want it. They simply want their decision affirmed. If you say hey that’s not a great idea, what usually happens? They don’t change their mind and thank you for being honest. Nope. They go ahead and do the thing regardless, but they’re pissed off at you for being unsupportive. And if the thing turns out well, you get a hmph nyah! If it’s a disaster, they will never say they wish they’d listened to you. They’re just resentful. So, eff all that! Just say “hmm, interesting…” when someone asks your opinion on something you disagree with.

I remember back on dating sites when a few (very few) men tried to go against the norm by messaging something critical instead of flattering. One stands out to me: the dude who complained about my “old-fashioned” glasses. Yeah, that went over well. 🙄

“Honesty is the best policy” isn’t a bad way to conduct my life, but there has to be wiggle room for white lies and kindness. Here’s another adage: “If you can’t say something nice, say nothing at all.”

Mime

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

HallChall5: Frog

Witch’s brew

I unearthed the ancient recipe
That will bring your cruel love back to me;
Though you’re a demon in disguise,
I miss the fire in your eyes.
I stir the mixture in my pot:
Bitter herbs and black cat snot,
Pinch of pumpkin, hair of dog…
Wait, what happened to the frog?
Oh me, oh my, he has escaped—
Now I’m stuck with Hallo-Date!

Halloween challenge

HallChall4

Written for Tourmaline’s Challenge.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Six Degrees 4 [blogcarnelli]

Kevin Bacon

Welcome to Blog Carnelli! This is a fun, no-pressure, no time limit prompt. The idea is to use the six degrees of separation concept (that everyone is only six or fewer people away from Kevin Bacon) to connect books, movies, and songs.

Today I’m starting with the last item from my Six Degrees 3 post. That was the book Wesley the Owl by Stacey O’Brien. I’m using the author’s name Stacey to connect to the first entry in this post.

Stacey Wiedower wrote 30 First Dates, a fun romance novel about a blogger (yay!) who decides to go on 30 dates with 30 different men before she turns 30. It’s part of the “bucket list” of experiences she wants to check off, and she shares her adventures with her readers. I think we can all relate to this book in some way. This is a romance, so we can expect the HEA, and the book delivers, but not too predictably.

The movie 50 First Dates stars Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. Now, usually I dislike watching the characters that Sandler plays, but Henry is an exception. He’s really sweet in this! Drew as Lucy is funny and adorable as always. The twist in this tale is that Lucy had an accident which robbed her of her short-term memory, so every day Henry must think of a new way to woo her. Lucy also has a very (over)protective family who is watching out for her, and Henry has to get on their good side too. The movie was filmed in gorgeous Oahu and was directed by Peter Segal.

What do you think I’ll chose next? Of course! It’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” written and sung by Paul Simon on his 1975 album Still Crazy After All These Years.” Supposedly, this song was motivated by Paul’s divorce and his decision to address the breakup in a lighthearted manner. The song seems pretty cute with all the rhymes of male names, but I take it somewhat seriously as well. It can be hard to leave someone… you can feel paralyzed, like there’s just no way to deal with the logistics of it. A friend may point out the various ways it’s possible for you to end the relationship, but ultimately you need to summon up enough emotional energy to get it done.

In 2001’s Legally Blonde, Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods uses a breakup to motivate herself to go to law school. She takes her silly blonde self and her cute puppy across the country from sunny SoCal to staid New England. Initially, Elle enrolls in order to be close to the jerk who dumped her, but soon she discovers that Harvard Law is actually the right place for her as she begins to hit the books and impress her professors. This film was directed by Robert Luketic.

Reese played June Carter Cash, Johnny Cash’s second wife, in Walk the Line, a 2005 musical/drama directed by James Mangold. Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny. I love this movie so much! All the music is wonderful and Reese & Johnny knock “Jackson” out of the park. There’s a lot of sadness mixed in with the great music. Wonderful film.

“Draggin’ the Line” is a 1971 song written and sung by Tommy James after he left the Shondells. It’s been speculated that the song refers to drug usage (especially after “Crystal Blue Persuasion”), but Tommy said no… it was simply about having to go to work every day. This view holds up too, since the song also mentions “checking the line,” possibly referring to setting up power lines back then.

Okay then. That wraps up my fourth post on Blog Carnelli. I hope you enjoyed it and will join in with your own.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ86: Dream A Little Dream

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks…

What has been the strangest, weirdest dream that you can remember? What do you think triggered that dream?

When I was very young, I dreamt about getting attacked by a wolf, which I think was triggered by having a sore throat in the night. I mentioned this dream in a SYW post recently:

I was little, around 10 or under, and dreamt I got lost at the zoo. I ended up behind the exhibits and there was a wolf loose. He jumped on me and ripped my throat open. In the dream, I died, though I understand that isn’t supposed to happen in dreams. I woke up with strep throat.

This 2011 baby dream could symbolize creativity. Maybe I was writing a lot then, or thinking about new ideas for novels.

Fantasy reading romance novel book

Here’s a scaryweird dream I had in 2011 about a pink and yellow lizard. This one could have been triggered by alcohol, or dating, neither of which agree with me.

When I was married, I had lots of dreams about drowning. Here’s one I had a few years later in 2013. Two others that stand out in my memory are as follows. Once when I was in a strange huge house with my whole family (including the ex’s), plus people from school, no one would listen to me that there was water coming up to the windows. Finally, we all had to go onto the roof. Another time I was in a carnival type ride with both my daughters and we ended up on the Coast Highway where everything was flooded. Supposedly these drowning dreams arise from feeling overwhelmed or suffocated by something. Or someone…

I had this dream about my mom in 2013. I think about Mom a lot and miss her so much. I’ve had plenty of other dreams with her in them, but they weren’t weird enough to remember. 💔

If love could have saved you

In 2016, I had a few dreams about driving (one with scary dogs). I’ve had many more dreams about driving, often where I’m not in the seat the right way and can’t reach the brake pedal. Driving scares me, so it makes sense I dream about it. One benefit of this bizarre year is that I’m in the car a lot less.

Lately, I don’t dream much (or my memory is immediately wiped). Maybe it’s because I don’t usually sleep that soundly, idk. I used to be such a great sleeper! Oh well… aging, whaddayagonna do?

It was fun to do the “research” for this post. Thanks, Fandango! 🙂 Sorry I couldn’t pick just one.

Bitmoji shrug

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Fandango, Bitmoji, etc.

FPQ85: Paths Not Taken Yada Yada

pointless meanderings

I thought I’d turn Fandango’s Provocative Question today into a pointless meander. He asks if I’ve ever had to make what turned out to be a life-changing decision and, if so, do I wish I could go back in time and change it, blah blah, what and why. There have been a few…

Generally, I begin with my foolish decision not to go to Northwestern U. I had no idea about “prestigious” colleges back then apart from the obvious Harvard, Yale, etc. I knew it was good I’d gotten accepted, but the gravitas of the decision was foreign to me. I behaved impulsively as a teen and things that went wrong were easily fixed. Everything felt inconsequential at the time. My parents didn’t seem to care, and after an argument with my mom, she decided she didn’t want to pay for NU, so I ended up at the University of Illinois in Champaign. It was a horrible experience, I dropped out, moved back home, and ended up in a series of dead-end, low-paying jobs.

Next, I moved from Chicago to Southern California with my parents at age 22. I’m not sure this was a great decision, though it would have been hard to stay in the city alone given my crappy jobs. But from the minute I stumbled off the plane to right now, I’ve had one giant migraine that never seems to disappear for good. I know I’d probably suffer from them wherever I lived, but it soured the whole experience for me. I remember being bombarded with the dazzling sunshine when we landed and feeling like I was going to pass out from the brightness and the pain.

Finally, I returned to college to finish my degree. But again, doh, I eschewed UCLA for Cal State because the freaking parking was easier. It seemed like an okay decision at the time, but it was yet another folly. Not that I had a bad experience at Northridge ~ I actually loved it all and appreciated my classes and the professors there. But until I had my own children I did not realize the importance of the name of a school. Whatever, at least I finished and that led me to the job I have now, which is good. But I got a late start at a career and retirement savings…

All the while this school/moving stuff was going on, I was also dating. Ugh, what a nightmare. I can’t blame online dating and culture such as it is now for my relationship issues, since I’ve had them all along. I am attracted to the wrong men, and that’s just the common denominator of the whole mess. I regret spending/wasting time with a lot of these guys, but I can’t regret my second marriage because my two wonderful daughters are my prize for sticking with it. I should have ended it sooner however. I definitely regret all the years I thought the marriage could be fixed and floated in limbo, taking no action to help myself move on.

I like to imagine that if I’d been single in my 40s I would have had a great romance and met my life partner, though that’s probably false. I would have simply made stupid dating decisions all that time too. Ugh, thinking about all this is an emotional drain… plus it’s all fantasy. I did what I did and here I am. The only thing to do is to slog on…

AND VOTE BLUE!!!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image altered from the original at Pixabay.

Dog Days Trifecta

Three horses trifecta

Okay, so I had a bit of a life and missed the weekend Dog Days. I hope this isn’t why Fandango is thinking of taking a hiatus. I’M SORRY EVERYONE! It’s all my fault. 😢

First, let me tell you why writing matters to me (FDDA22). It’s because via writing I get to hang out with cool characters like the aforementioned Fandango. We’d never have “met” any other way, and even if I’d run into him accidentally, we wouldn’t be sharing our thoughts the way we do here, in writing. And the same goes for the rest of y’all I’ve been chilling with in Blogland and even before on Usenet and in other venues. Sure, it’s fun to dabble in fiction and poetry too, but the main reason I stick with writing in a blog, as opposed to tweets and FB updates, is due to the interaction.

Second, I truly enjoy creating characters (FDDA23), and when I write I am my own creation. Not that I am lying (necessarily!) when I post, but I can tune the mood and make happenings sound more dramatic or interesting. I play with words and tone and pacing. Do I want to assume the persona of a loving grandmother or a snarky beyotch? Would I rather appear awkwardly funny or smoothly competent? It’s easy to switch characters when I blog and still maintain credibility. Not so easy in real life, where I prefer to stay consistent.

Third, speaking of characters, here’s a fun fact about me. Back when I was dating (barf), I sometimes created… interesting characters in certain situations. Forex, I was in a long-term penpal relationship with a married man who told me we could never meet. I accepted that. To keep things exciting, I occasionally created a character (did both a man and a woman) to entice someone into cybersex. Then I would copy and paste the transcript into an email for my friend. For all I know, the person I was cybering with was a character too! That’s what made it more fun though, the not knowing.

I hope this admission hasn’t swayed your opinion of me. I’ve always said I preferred fiction to non. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PS: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE, FANDANGO!

50 Ways…

Bitmoji sweeping

Getting the brush-off of olde has many synonyms in modern (internet) dating. There’s ghosted, of course (which is also the title of my soon to be completed novel), and this means abruptly disappearing, when someone vanishes like a ghost. 👻 It can even happen in the middle of a chat!

Sometimes you get benched. That’s when you believe Mr. Potential could still be interested because he occasionally texts and/or “likes” your social media posts, but he is never actually able to make plans to meet (also a red flag for a married person who is just flirting to waste your time). This is also known as breadcrumbing.

Bitmoji birds

Next we have orbiting and haunting. This is when someone hovers around but isn’t interested in getting together. They don’t text, but you know they’re reading your posts. If this happens before you’ve met, it’s orbiting. If it happens after they’ve ghosted you, it’s haunting.

You’ve probably heard of catfishing, which is when someone assumes a new identity to start a relationship. They may have a specific target in mind, or simply hope to reel in any good catch. Obviously, they will come up with a raft of excuses why they can’t meet in person. Sometimes they’ll also refuse to speak on the phone ~ maybe because they aren’t the gender they have presented.

Bitmoji fishing

Do you know what cuffing season is? No, not BSDM! It’s when it’s cold outside, baby, and people need someone to snuggle. They’ll drop their dating requirements and take anyone available. But beware when it warms up! April showers may lead to haunted flowers…

Finally, we have paperclipping. This is when an ex pops up to say hi and mess with your head. Go away and stay away!

Bitmoji over it door

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Switcharoo

Bitmoji rainbow Tuesday

This week in Truthful Tuesday, PCGuyIV asks the following:

Is there something that you like or love now that you used to dislike, hate, or at the very least, have no opinion of before? Or perhaps there is something you now dislike, hate, or maybe even loathe that before you liked, loved, adored, or at least had no opinion of? In either case, or both cases if you so choose, what changed your mind?

Ooh interesting to ponder! Okay, so for the first part, here are some things I used to hate and now love…

1. Peanut butter! Yes, I hated PB as a little kid and refused to eat it. I had lunchmeat sandwiches at school. Around age 12, my tastes simply changed and PB is now one of my favorite foods. Lunchmeat on the other hand… 🤮

2. I used to dislike the fantasy genre of books and movies ~ though paradoxically I always enjoyed the original Star Trek and things like The Twilight Zone. But dragons and magic and stuff? No! Game of Thrones changed my mind about that. 🐉

3. Rituals/occasions. It used to annoy me to feel obligated to celebrate holidays the same way every year. Like if I’ve seen great fireworks once, why do I need to go again? The gluttony of Thanksgiving annoyed the crap out of me. Why must we do this? Etc. But I’ve totally mellowed about this and now look forward to certain ritualistic type occasions. I think part of my problem was having to deal with my parents’ constant arguing ~ it simply made everything sad and stressful for me (though it didn’t affect THEM much!). As I aged, I saw that some holidays could actually be enjoyable when people weren’t all mad at each other.

Bitmoji fam jam

Now, for the second half of the switcharoo, here are some things I used to love and now hate…

1. DRIVING. I was so happy when I first got my license, and I loved to drive hour after hour. We were carless in Chicago for 4 years, and then I got a car when we moved to SoCal. I still enjoyed it, but less and less over the years until it became something I actively despise. It’s effing scary to be on the roads. I guess being older and knowing how many crazy and reckless people are out there, plus all the annoying traffic and construction detours here, spoiled it for me. 🚙

2. Being in a romantic relationship. How I used to love and crave this. It was partly due to my steady diet of romance novels; I thought that romantic love was the only thing that really mattered in life. Now I find it all too stressful and irritating to contemplate. I’ve been happier these last several years without dating AT ALL. I never would have predicted this. 💔

3. Going on rides. Omg, I loved rides at the fair or at an amusement park. My friends and I regularly went on the craziest ones. Now they make me ill and terrified, plus with my neck issues I can’t deal with them at all. Not to mention the fact that people get hurt on them ALL THE TIME. Again, the data on injuries changed my mind, along with not feeling well physically.

Bitmoji driving car

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji