I have a small and compact life, the opposite of “living large” as I believe the term is used. The pieces of my puzzle are few, but they are very precious to me. (Not saying that people who have more pieces to their life puzzles consider any of those pieces any less precious.)
I’ve been thinking about this recently in the context of dating, and why that didn’t work out for me. I’ve said that lots of men are too picky, which is true, at least (imo) about superficial requirements, like needing a ski buddy. Dude, you’re 60… how often do you actually ski? Anyway, besides the fact that I met a ridic number of mentally ill men (but some were not), the fact is that I’m not so willing to compromise on my puzzle pieces either. They’re much too precious to me. Forex, I would never give up my kitty, nor would I agree to shut him out of the bedroom. He’s annoying, but he’s family.
Just this last week I visited my daughter for a week ~ I had a bunch of unused vacay days I was happy to spend on family. I wouldn’t want to “waste” those on a guy. I deliberately keep days unused so I can have them for my (adult) kids, if I want. This makes me happy. It also makes me happy to randomly take a day off for myself and do absolutely nothing without having to explain that to anyone. Nope, don’t wanna see anyone. Doing nothing! Yayyy!
I know it sounds like I’m only temporarily happy because I haven’t yet met Mr. Right, and that could be true, but I am 57, so I’ll take the transitory joy for as long as it’s available. It’s also great to have my own friends and not have to “share” them with a boyfriend. You know what I mean. He’d clomp along with me to see my friends, and I wouldn’t necessarily even want him there but would have to pretend to, and then I’d have to reciprocate by seeing his friends. Ughhh.
I know I’m thinking about this all wrong. I used to fantasize about how much fun it would be to meet someone… but now it just seems like it would take away from all my precious loves. Not that it matters cuz I don’t meet new men these days, but this is stream of consciousness Saturday. 😀