Tag Archives: dating

Six Degrees 4 [blogcarnelli]

Kevin Bacon

Welcome to Blog Carnelli! This is a fun, no-pressure, no time limit prompt. The idea is to use the six degrees of separation concept (that everyone is only six or fewer people away from Kevin Bacon) to connect books, movies, and songs.

Today I’m starting with the last item from my Six Degrees 3 post. That was the book Wesley the Owl by Stacey O’Brien. I’m using the author’s name Stacey to connect to the first entry in this post.

Stacey Wiedower wrote 30 First Dates, a fun romance novel about a blogger (yay!) who decides to go on 30 dates with 30 different men before she turns 30. It’s part of the “bucket list” of experiences she wants to check off, and she shares her adventures with her readers. I think we can all relate to this book in some way. This is a romance, so we can expect the HEA, and the book delivers, but not too predictably.

The movie 50 First Dates stars Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler. Now, usually I dislike watching the characters that Sandler plays, but Henry is an exception. He’s really sweet in this! Drew as Lucy is funny and adorable as always. The twist in this tale is that Lucy had an accident which robbed her of her short-term memory, so every day Henry must think of a new way to woo her. Lucy also has a very (over)protective family who is watching out for her, and Henry has to get on their good side too. The movie was filmed in gorgeous Oahu and was directed by Peter Segal.

What do you think I’ll chose next? Of course! It’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover,” written and sung by Paul Simon on his 1975 album Still Crazy After All These Years.” Supposedly, this song was motivated by Paul’s divorce and his decision to address the breakup in a lighthearted manner. The song seems pretty cute with all the rhymes of male names, but I take it somewhat seriously as well. It can be hard to leave someone… you can feel paralyzed, like there’s just no way to deal with the logistics of it. A friend may point out the various ways it’s possible for you to end the relationship, but ultimately you need to summon up enough emotional energy to get it done.

In 2001’s Legally Blonde, Reese Witherspoon’s character Elle Woods uses a breakup to motivate herself to go to law school. She takes her silly blonde self and her cute puppy across the country from sunny SoCal to staid New England. Initially, Elle enrolls in order to be close to the jerk who dumped her, but soon she discovers that Harvard Law is actually the right place for her as she begins to hit the books and impress her professors. This film was directed by Robert Luketic.

Reese played June Carter Cash, Johnny Cash’s second wife, in Walk the Line, a 2005 musical/drama directed by James Mangold. Joaquin Phoenix played Johnny. I love this movie so much! All the music is wonderful and Reese & Johnny knock “Jackson” out of the park. There’s a lot of sadness mixed in with the great music. Wonderful film.

“Draggin’ the Line” is a 1971 song written and sung by Tommy James after he left the Shondells. It’s been speculated that the song refers to drug usage (especially after “Crystal Blue Persuasion”), but Tommy said no… it was simply about having to go to work every day. This view holds up too, since the song also mentions “checking the line,” possibly referring to setting up power lines back then.

Okay then. That wraps up my fourth post on Blog Carnelli. I hope you enjoyed it and will join in with your own.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ86: Dream A Little Dream

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks…

What has been the strangest, weirdest dream that you can remember? What do you think triggered that dream?

When I was very young, I dreamt about getting attacked by a wolf, which I think was triggered by having a sore throat in the night. I mentioned this dream in a SYW post recently:

I was little, around 10 or under, and dreamt I got lost at the zoo. I ended up behind the exhibits and there was a wolf loose. He jumped on me and ripped my throat open. In the dream, I died, though I understand that isn’t supposed to happen in dreams. I woke up with strep throat.

This 2011 baby dream could symbolize creativity. Maybe I was writing a lot then, or thinking about new ideas for novels.

Fantasy reading romance novel book

Here’s a scaryweird dream I had in 2011 about a pink and yellow lizard. This one could have been triggered by alcohol, or dating, neither of which agree with me.

When I was married, I had lots of dreams about drowning. Here’s one I had a few years later in 2013. Two others that stand out in my memory are as follows. Once when I was in a strange huge house with my whole family (including the ex’s), plus people from school, no one would listen to me that there was water coming up to the windows. Finally, we all had to go onto the roof. Another time I was in a carnival type ride with both my daughters and we ended up on the Coast Highway where everything was flooded. Supposedly these drowning dreams arise from feeling overwhelmed or suffocated by something. Or someone…

I had this dream about my mom in 2013. I think about Mom a lot and miss her so much. I’ve had plenty of other dreams with her in them, but they weren’t weird enough to remember. 💔

If love could have saved you

In 2016, I had a few dreams about driving (one with scary dogs). I’ve had many more dreams about driving, often where I’m not in the seat the right way and can’t reach the brake pedal. Driving scares me, so it makes sense I dream about it. One benefit of this bizarre year is that I’m in the car a lot less.

Lately, I don’t dream much (or my memory is immediately wiped). Maybe it’s because I don’t usually sleep that soundly, idk. I used to be such a great sleeper! Oh well… aging, whaddayagonna do?

It was fun to do the “research” for this post. Thanks, Fandango! 🙂 Sorry I couldn’t pick just one.

Bitmoji shrug

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Fandango, Bitmoji, etc.

FPQ85: Paths Not Taken Yada Yada

pointless meanderings

I thought I’d turn Fandango’s Provocative Question today into a pointless meander. He asks if I’ve ever had to make what turned out to be a life-changing decision and, if so, do I wish I could go back in time and change it, blah blah, what and why. There have been a few…

Generally, I begin with my foolish decision not to go to Northwestern U. I had no idea about “prestigious” colleges back then apart from the obvious Harvard, Yale, etc. I knew it was good I’d gotten accepted, but the gravitas of the decision was foreign to me. I behaved impulsively as a teen and things that went wrong were easily fixed. Everything felt inconsequential at the time. My parents didn’t seem to care, and after an argument with my mom, she decided she didn’t want to pay for NU, so I ended up at the University of Illinois in Champaign. It was a horrible experience, I dropped out, moved back home, and ended up in a series of dead-end, low-paying jobs.

Next, I moved from Chicago to Southern California with my parents at age 22. I’m not sure this was a great decision, though it would have been hard to stay in the city alone given my crappy jobs. But from the minute I stumbled off the plane to right now, I’ve had one giant migraine that never seems to disappear for good. I know I’d probably suffer from them wherever I lived, but it soured the whole experience for me. I remember being bombarded with the dazzling sunshine when we landed and feeling like I was going to pass out from the brightness and the pain.

Finally, I returned to college to finish my degree. But again, doh, I eschewed UCLA for Cal State because the freaking parking was easier. It seemed like an okay decision at the time, but it was yet another folly. Not that I had a bad experience at Northridge ~ I actually loved it all and appreciated my classes and the professors there. But until I had my own children I did not realize the importance of the name of a school. Whatever, at least I finished and that led me to the job I have now, which is good. But I got a late start at a career and retirement savings…

All the while this school/moving stuff was going on, I was also dating. Ugh, what a nightmare. I can’t blame online dating and culture such as it is now for my relationship issues, since I’ve had them all along. I am attracted to the wrong men, and that’s just the common denominator of the whole mess. I regret spending/wasting time with a lot of these guys, but I can’t regret my second marriage because my two wonderful daughters are my prize for sticking with it. I should have ended it sooner however. I definitely regret all the years I thought the marriage could be fixed and floated in limbo, taking no action to help myself move on.

I like to imagine that if I’d been single in my 40s I would have had a great romance and met my life partner, though that’s probably false. I would have simply made stupid dating decisions all that time too. Ugh, thinking about all this is an emotional drain… plus it’s all fantasy. I did what I did and here I am. The only thing to do is to slog on…

AND VOTE BLUE!!!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image altered from the original at Pixabay.

Dog Days Trifecta

Three horses trifecta

Okay, so I had a bit of a life and missed the weekend Dog Days. I hope this isn’t why Fandango is thinking of taking a hiatus. I’M SORRY EVERYONE! It’s all my fault. 😢

First, let me tell you why writing matters to me (FDDA22). It’s because via writing I get to hang out with cool characters like the aforementioned Fandango. We’d never have “met” any other way, and even if I’d run into him accidentally, we wouldn’t be sharing our thoughts the way we do here, in writing. And the same goes for the rest of y’all I’ve been chilling with in Blogland and even before on Usenet and in other venues. Sure, it’s fun to dabble in fiction and poetry too, but the main reason I stick with writing in a blog, as opposed to tweets and FB updates, is due to the interaction.

Second, I truly enjoy creating characters (FDDA23), and when I write I am my own creation. Not that I am lying (necessarily!) when I post, but I can tune the mood and make happenings sound more dramatic or interesting. I play with words and tone and pacing. Do I want to assume the persona of a loving grandmother or a snarky beyotch? Would I rather appear awkwardly funny or smoothly competent? It’s easy to switch characters when I blog and still maintain credibility. Not so easy in real life, where I prefer to stay consistent.

Third, speaking of characters, here’s a fun fact about me. Back when I was dating (barf), I sometimes created… interesting characters in certain situations. Forex, I was in a long-term penpal relationship with a married man who told me we could never meet. I accepted that. To keep things exciting, I occasionally created a character (did both a man and a woman) to entice someone into cybersex. Then I would copy and paste the transcript into an email for my friend. For all I know, the person I was cybering with was a character too! That’s what made it more fun though, the not knowing.

I hope this admission hasn’t swayed your opinion of me. I’ve always said I preferred fiction to non. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PS: PLEASE DON’T LEAVE, FANDANGO!

50 Ways…

Bitmoji sweeping

Getting the brush-off of olde has many synonyms in modern (internet) dating. There’s ghosted, of course (which is also the title of my soon to be completed novel), and this means abruptly disappearing, when someone vanishes like a ghost. 👻 It can even happen in the middle of a chat!

Sometimes you get benched. That’s when you believe Mr. Potential could still be interested because he occasionally texts and/or “likes” your social media posts, but he is never actually able to make plans to meet (also a red flag for a married person who is just flirting to waste your time). This is also known as breadcrumbing.

Bitmoji birds

Next we have orbiting and haunting. This is when someone hovers around but isn’t interested in getting together. They don’t text, but you know they’re reading your posts. If this happens before you’ve met, it’s orbiting. If it happens after they’ve ghosted you, it’s haunting.

You’ve probably heard of catfishing, which is when someone assumes a new identity to start a relationship. They may have a specific target in mind, or simply hope to reel in any good catch. Obviously, they will come up with a raft of excuses why they can’t meet in person. Sometimes they’ll also refuse to speak on the phone ~ maybe because they aren’t the gender they have presented.

Bitmoji fishing

Do you know what cuffing season is? No, not BSDM! It’s when it’s cold outside, baby, and people need someone to snuggle. They’ll drop their dating requirements and take anyone available. But beware when it warms up! April showers may lead to haunted flowers…

Finally, we have paperclipping. This is when an ex pops up to say hi and mess with your head. Go away and stay away!

Bitmoji over it door

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Switcharoo

Bitmoji rainbow Tuesday

This week in Truthful Tuesday, PCGuyIV asks the following:

Is there something that you like or love now that you used to dislike, hate, or at the very least, have no opinion of before? Or perhaps there is something you now dislike, hate, or maybe even loathe that before you liked, loved, adored, or at least had no opinion of? In either case, or both cases if you so choose, what changed your mind?

Ooh interesting to ponder! Okay, so for the first part, here are some things I used to hate and now love…

1. Peanut butter! Yes, I hated PB as a little kid and refused to eat it. I had lunchmeat sandwiches at school. Around age 12, my tastes simply changed and PB is now one of my favorite foods. Lunchmeat on the other hand… 🤮

2. I used to dislike the fantasy genre of books and movies ~ though paradoxically I always enjoyed the original Star Trek and things like The Twilight Zone. But dragons and magic and stuff? No! Game of Thrones changed my mind about that. 🐉

3. Rituals/occasions. It used to annoy me to feel obligated to celebrate holidays the same way every year. Like if I’ve seen great fireworks once, why do I need to go again? The gluttony of Thanksgiving annoyed the crap out of me. Why must we do this? Etc. But I’ve totally mellowed about this and now look forward to certain ritualistic type occasions. I think part of my problem was having to deal with my parents’ constant arguing ~ it simply made everything sad and stressful for me (though it didn’t affect THEM much!). As I aged, I saw that some holidays could actually be enjoyable when people weren’t all mad at each other.

Bitmoji fam jam

Now, for the second half of the switcharoo, here are some things I used to love and now hate…

1. DRIVING. I was so happy when I first got my license, and I loved to drive hour after hour. We were carless in Chicago for 4 years, and then I got a car when we moved to SoCal. I still enjoyed it, but less and less over the years until it became something I actively despise. It’s effing scary to be on the roads. I guess being older and knowing how many crazy and reckless people are out there, plus all the annoying traffic and construction detours here, spoiled it for me. 🚙

2. Being in a romantic relationship. How I used to love and crave this. It was partly due to my steady diet of romance novels; I thought that romantic love was the only thing that really mattered in life. Now I find it all too stressful and irritating to contemplate. I’ve been happier these last several years without dating AT ALL. I never would have predicted this. 💔

3. Going on rides. Omg, I loved rides at the fair or at an amusement park. My friends and I regularly went on the craziest ones. Now they make me ill and terrified, plus with my neck issues I can’t deal with them at all. Not to mention the fact that people get hurt on them ALL THE TIME. Again, the data on injuries changed my mind, along with not feeling well physically.

Bitmoji driving car

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Neat Freak

New Q’s from Melanie!

Are you a clean or messy person?

Clean, though I get envious of those who do even more. Because of neck/back issues, I don’t clean as obsessively as I might. I’m also neat & tidy. At work, it’s harder cuz of ongoing paperwork on my desk, but at home I’m super anti-clutter. I love to throw things away!

If I asked you to describe yourself in five words – what would they be?

Smart, funny, creative, obsessive, crabby.

Do you enjoy being out in nature?

No. Theoretically, it’s great… lovely beach, peaceful hike, majestic mountains… but the reality is that so many things trigger my migraines it’s not fun to be outside. Bright sun, wind, cold, etc. are all triggers. And now, with constant back pain, it’s hard to even enjoy a simple park walk.

Incidentally, this was a huge problem for me on dating sites, where every man seemed to crave being outdoors 24/7.

What could you spend all day talking about?

Relationships, writing, psychology, games, music. Not saying I know a lot about these things, but they’re interesting to me.

Please feel free to share some gratitude from your life! Thanks!

Super grateful I was able to see part of my family this past weekend, including my newborn grandson! 💗💗💗

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit to Melanie.

TSAONGAF 1

pointless meanderings

TSAONGAF is the abbreviation for Mark Manson’s self-help book The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck. I’ve read MM’s articles with some regularity, and last week I read his bestselling book. It was a great experience for me and I learned a lot. As I said earlier, I’m going to blog about some of my thoughts on his various concepts.

What does MM mean by not giving a f*ck? He points out that most of us are wrapped up in caring about so many things that we feel perpetually entitled to a perfect world and freak out when things don’t go how we want. I guess you could say that our giving f*cks too freely has turned us into a bunch of whiny Karens. MM suggests we drill down to our basic values (and change them if they aren’t working for us), and then find the few, important things to focus on. “Let the little things go.” We’ve heard that before, right?

Obsessing over way too many unimportant details has been a huge problem for me my whole life. I can’t simply decide not to and that’s that. “Don’t do that” is a negative statement, and when you focus on a negative, well, you know what happens. “Don’t eat potato chips”… now all you can think about are potato chips. I’ve been trying to substitute the negative statements with positive ones. Focus on work. Pay attention to family. Engage in self-care routines. Get more sleep and exercise. Read more books.

Focusing on these positives has had the effect of pushing some of the trivial crap away. It really does work. I don’t have time (or the inclination) to engage in social media arguments (a huge source of past stress) when I’m in the middle of a good book. If I’m filling my time with pleasurable activities, I’m less inclined to click on a new dating site “just to see.” I know that leads down a bad path. I can step back now. It’s a bit harder in some areas, such as driving ~ I still get enraged when someone does a dangerous maneuver. What does MM say about that?

It’s okay for life to suck sometimes, is what he says. We are not entitled to a perfect life, and there’s no need to feel inadequate when something fails to be perfect. So I had a frustrating drive to Los Angeles. That’s just how it is some days and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me or the way I’m living my life. Sometimes traffic is sucky and frustrating. That’s okay. I literally had this ridiculous conversation in my head the other week. I was so stupid for letting my daughter go to UCB. She had a full ride to UCD and wouldn’t have met her future husband there probably. I’d have more money now and wouldn’t have to make this horrible drive when I want to see her. God, I’m so dumb!

But then I got to her house (a half hour later than expected) and had such a great time with my family. I’m not “dumb” because there was a detour and some other drivers were being rude and awful. It’s okay for things to suck sometimes. I’m not entitled to perfection. It’s hard though to keep that mindset all the time… I’m constantly reminding myself to stay positive and not dwell on small annoyances. Being positive is more of a habit now than it used to be though, so I am improving. Slowly.

Okay, that’s the end of this PoiMo. I’ll do more MM musing another time. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image originally found on Pixabay.

Bingo Update 11

Read previous update here.

For the bestseller book, I read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson. I loved Manson when he was much less popular… found him early on when he gave mostly dating advice. Then I began to resent him. Who was this brash young guy (obviously privileged) telling everyone all this crap? And making bank off it. I quit reading him for a few years. But he was still around ~ peeps were always quoting him. Annoyed, I developed a conspiracy theory that he wasn’t even a real person but a character created by a publishing team. That still could be true… who knows.

Then my FB friend Barbara linked to one of his articles when I was depressed. I clicked. Whatever I read that day (don’t remember now) helped me so much that I subscribed to his blog by email. I grudgingly began to admire him again, so much so that I finally bought his book TSAONGAF. I didn’t read it until this challenge however.

Mark’s book is truly amazing. It’s a joy to read because he speaks to you as a friend, not as a high and mighty shrink. He admits to messing up in many areas before he began to view life much differently. He says he too is always growing and learning, and he doesn’t act like he has all the answers. He uses examples from his own life to illustrate his points, which makes his writing feel real and down to earth. Maybe the examples are made up, but regardless they are a great device to draw you in to the topic of each chapter.

My plan is to discuss in detail some of the TSAONGAF concepts that resonated the most with me in Pointless Meanders as time permits. That’s not a substitute for reading it yourself… I already feel better having finished it, and I highly recommend it in its entirety. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Two left! 📚

PS: I have no idea what happened with my phone’s pens, but I couldn’t find the right one for the checkmark, hence the slash.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image from Kriti and Ariel.

Breakup Songs [MLM]

Jim Adams does a great job in discussing Greg Kihn’s motivation in writing “The Breakup Song,” which has long been on my list of favorites. It illustrates the depression aspect of the grief someone can feel after the end of a relationship. The narrator is sad as he watches couples dancing together while he sits alone. “And now I’m staring at the bodies as they’re dancing so slow…”

Slow dance

No Doubt’s “Don’t Speak” (written by Gwen Stefani and Eric Stefani) is also a homage to the sadness we feel as someone leaves us. We’re tired of talking about the inevitable, wasting more useless words that failed to mend things. Just go. Don’t explain further. “And I don’t need your reasons; Don’t tell me ’cause it hurts…”

But sometimes we feel more anger than sadness, right? There are a lot of breakup songs that explore the angry aspect of grief. A perfect example of this is “You Oughtta Know” by Alanis Morissette (with Glen Ballard co-writing). She’s steaming mad! She sarcastically wishes her ex happiness with his new girlfriend. “And I’m here, to remind you of the mess you left when you went away…”

Angry roar

Hank Williams’ “Your Cheatin’ Heart” is another angry song. He fantasizes how his ex will end up miserable same as he is now. “When tears come down like falling rain, You’ll toss around and call my name.” We want to believe our exes will end up sorry they dumped us, don’t we?

Denial is another aspect of grief we may feel as our world crashes around us. Eric Clapton’s “Promises” is about this concept. (Brandon Casey and others are listed as the writers.) At the beginning of the song, Eric says to his ex that he doesn’t care if she never comes home “’cause I don’t love you and you don’t love me.” He discusses why it’s better they’re apart and that’s fine. But by the end, he admits he would still love her if she’d love him back.

Billy Joel’s “An Innocent Man” is about denial. Look, he knows she’s in pain and couldn’t deal with a relationship, but none of that is his fault. It’s all due to her exes and baggage. He’s willing to explore that with her, but remember… he didn’t do anything! “And although this is a fight I can lose, the accused is an innocent man.” As we know, however, it takes two…

Innocent man angel

What about bargaining? Yep, we also find this aspect of grief represented in song. “Baby Come Back” by Player is an example of bargaining (written by John Crowley and Peter Beckett). He begins by pretending he’s fine and having fun alone (denial), but soon he admits he is miserable and wants her back. “Baby come back, you can blame it all on me; I was wrong, and I just can’t live without you.” If only she’d give him another chance, he’ll take the blame for the things that went wrong. (How many times have we heard this though? 🤣)

“We Can Work It Out” by the Beatles (written by Lennon and McCartney) is another good example of bargaining. Just give us a chance, he pleads. He goes on to mansplain about how life is short and there’s no time for fighting, okay? Just see things his way, for cryin’ out loud. Geez!

Mansplaing to woman

Then there’s acceptance. You know it’s over and you accept it, even if you’re still sad or mad. You’ve quit denying nothing is wrong and you’ve stopped bargaining for a re-do. It’s done and you have to move on. How about “Last Song” by Edward Bear? (Larry Evoy wrote it.) He’s still sad, but he’s done writing songs about her and done hoping she’ll return. “This is hard for me to say, but this is all that I can take.” Yeah. Enough!

Finally, one of my favorite songs about coming to terms with a breakup is Roxette’s “It Must Have Been Love” written by Per Hakan Gessle). “It was all that I wanted; now I’m living without. It must have been love, but it’s over now.”

Woman and path in woods

On our way down a new path…

These songs illustrate the 5 stages of grief: anger, denial, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. The stages can last a long time, and you can experience them in any order, including revisiting some you thought were finished. Emotions aren’t linear! And there are many other feelings that can occur too. Guilt, shame, fear, etc. I read that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross developed the 5-stage model to help explain the process of grieving over the death of a loved one. They may not apply as well to the end of a romance (and are apparently out of “scientific” favor altogether, but like whatever). I think they do help to illustrate the roller-coaster of emotions that can plague some of us when a relationship dies.

I hope you enjoyed reading this relatively long post written for Mindlovemisery. It was yet another insomnia-fueled ramble.

Please feel free to add your favorite breakup songs in comments. 💔

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Pexels and Pixabay.