Tag Archives: dating

Questions from Carol Anne

Autumn leaves

My lovely friend Carol Anne has given me some questions. They’re associated with her Liebster Award. Congrats on your award, Carol Anne, and thanks for thinking of me! 💖

My 11 questions to you my nominees are:

1. Can you swim?

I know the basics, but I’m not a strong swimmer, and frankly I prefer to stay on land and gaze out at the beautiful waves.

2. Pepsi or coke?

Coke, please.

3. Snail mail or email?

Email is less wasteful.

4. Do you enjoy traveling?

No. Shocking, I realize. Everyone loves to travel, right? Well, I do enjoy experiencing new sights, attractions, nature, etc., but the expense and inconvenience make it a net negative for me. Travel is very costly unless you go by car, split the cost of gas, have people to put you up at your destination, yada. Or go camping, lol. Then there are all the migraine triggers for me that happen from noise, light, discomfort, etc. Also, there is my ongoing back/neck pain. Not to mention I don’t like leaving my kitty for more than a couple nights because I miss him too much! 🐱❤️

5. Snow or rain?

I’m from the East and honestly I miss the idea of snow but not the reality of it. Snow is beautiful and fun, if you don’t have to be anywhere and can bundle up and take a lovely walk. Rain can be romantic if you’re snuggled indoors with your sweetie, or a kitty and a good book, but again not if you have to drive in it. Since I’m in California, land of perpetual drought, I welcome any and all precipitation! Of course, we always get the “wrong” kind, in the “wrong” place, so they tell us the drought goes on…

6. What is one of your favourite quotes?

Life is short; eat dessert first. 🧁

7. Are you a glass half full or glass half empty sorta person?

Depends on the day.

8. What is your favourite flower?

Sunflower. Or tulips!🌷

9. If you could give your younger self some advice what would you say?

Go to Northwestern (in high school)! Stop dating insane men (in the 1980s). Buy tech stocks (in the 1990s)! Sell the tech stocks (before the crash). STOP DATING INSANE MEN. 🙄

10. If you had one superpower what would it be?

Repelling insane men.

11. Favourite book?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. Tied for second place: Where I’m Calling From (short stories by Raymond Carver) and Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman (short stories by Haruki Murakami).

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Autumn Memory

Tea leaves

Eight years ago, in early October, I broke up with the guy I’d been seeing for a couple of years. My divorce had been finalized in July and I wanted my freedom.

I’m not a good breaker-upper. The truth is there was a perfectly legitimate reason to dump this dude: he had been lying all along about leaving his wife (as they do). But I didn’t want to have another one of those twisty conversations, so I’d been picking fights instead. My moods careened from anger back to passion to barely being able to tolerate him.

I should have ended things when they were still good, so my last memories of our times together could have been warm and joyful. But I never do that. I wait until everything is curdled and awful, then I light it on fire.

I don’t regret leaving him, but I always thought I’d find someone else. Maybe I still will… you never know… 🍂

~*~

Laura’s October Challenge (Day 3)

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ41: Perfectly Tense

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

“So this week’s question is for you to discuss what you think about Zadie Smith’s quote. Do you believe that the past is always tense, the future perfect?”

I suggest you visit Fandango’s link to get the full sense of what he’s on about before you try to make sense of my jabber, but do as you will. Obviously, I am going to speak only to my limited experience on this.

In most cases, I believe people engage in a cognitive dissonance regarding their past. Well, let me back up. A disclaimer: Memory is notoriously unreliable. Even our short-term memories can be wrongola, so the idea that we can accurately remember what happened decades back and make judgments from there? Pffft. Let’s get that out of the way. Okay then.

Do I believe the past is always tense? Well, no! That’s silly. Some people say they had wonderful childhoods. Others have had or are currently in long, happy relationships. These people may or may not be optimistic regarding the future, depending upon a whole bunch of factors, including their individual personalities. That married man I was with for 2.5 years was a “glory days” guy, always telling stories of how much fun he’d had back when, and how the future would never measure up. Always nice to hear, amirite? 🙄

I’m somewhere in the middle, as usual. I had an okay childhood, not great, not awful. I recognize that my memories might be inaccurate and there is no one around to verify anything with. I accept responsibility for my part in failed relationships as an adult, which mostly connects to choosing the wrong men and then doubling down. [Note to self: Don’t do that.]

I’m kinda gloomy about the future, I admit. Maybe it’s a function of where I live, but I see people working their butts off and just getting nowhere. Is this happening in “the heartland” as well as on the coasts? You work a normal full-time job, plus maybe do some part-time work too, and can barely afford to rent an apartment? Forget ever buying a house unless Grandma leaves you one or you win the lottery. Maybe you save and save and can buy something with a group of others, but that’s not exactly “the American dream,” to live like a college student decade after decade.

Okay, so Fandango’s post was more about learning from your mistakes in order to create a perfect future. How realistic is that though? I’ll be 60 in 1.5 years. I understand I could have done many things better, but those chances are gone. I can’t redo where I went to college (passed on Northwestern and UCLA like a freaking idiot). I can’t improve my relationship with my parents because they’re both dead. I can’t make it 1995 again and fix my marriage with what I know now.

Learning is great, but opportunities do not stay available forever. Times change, the dogs bark, the caravan moves on. 🐶

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Little Blue Bear [socs]

Beanie Baby America

I have a little blue bear on my desk at work. He’s a Ty beanie baby named America and I bought him when he came out after 9/11, which was shortly after I began working here (I’m writing this Friday lunchtime and will schedule it to post Saturday morning). On the left side of his tag it says that 100% of the profits from the purchase of the bear will go to Red Cross Disaster Relief. On the right side it says: “In memory of those who lost their lives in the national catastrophe that took place on September 11, 2001. We mourn for them and express our deepest sympathy to their families. God Bless America.”

A lot has changed in 18 years. My parents have both passed on. I’m divorced. My two daughters both graduated college and have gotten married. One of them has a baby, which magically makes me a grandma. I’ve moved five times. I had a relationship with a married man for two and a half years. If you believe in “bad karma,” then this gave me mine and I’ve been unable to have a happy/successful romance since. I also had a couple minor car accidents, which were horribly upsetting at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad really.

In these 18 years, I’ve been a flame warrior on Usenet, made enemies and turned them into Facebook “friends,” and since I quit FB most of them have forgotten my existence again. Perhaps that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Friendster and Twitter and Snapchat and G+ and other “social sites” too dark and dirty to mention here. I’ve experimented with different lifestyles to see if they were for me (no), and they’ve greatly enriched my fiction and poetry writing.

I’ve written a lot during these years. So so much. Poetry, novels, short stories. Zillions of blog posts and tweets. Loads of emails and texts. Have had interesting text chats with many men that I thought might “go somewhere,” but they didn’t and here I am alone, which isn’t a bad thing after all. I’m not sure anyone could really put up with me now… and vice versa.

I find that as I trudge toward my seventh decade I’m more or less the same person I was at age 14. I like to read romance novels and write poetry. I love games and puzzles, kittens and puppies, cookies and pizza. I’m not a sophisticated adult type person with advanced tastes in wine and music. Give me rock & roll and mac & cheese, woo! I’m a homebody and enjoy simple comforts. A hot shower is bliss. As I age, I’ve learned that I get more easily stressed out by other people, so I have to limit my interactions with them.

But through all this, I’ve had a good job, where I’ve been treated well. And every work day, little blue bear has been there to greet me, no matter what else is going on. I am grateful/thankful for my job and for my side work too… and for my book sales even though I wish there were more. (I’ll keep writing regardless.) When I began this post, I assumed at some point I’d say something political, but really there’s no need.❤️🧁💙

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Fun Challenge: Grocery List

Grocery list

Shocking right? What a mess! Welp, I don’t keep it neatly on my phone like the Bag Lady does. I grab any piece of paper and start scribbling as I think of things, using whichever writing implement hasn’t been batted under the fridge by the kitty. I also write in code that even I sometimes have trouble deciphering later.

S&C is shampoo and conditioner, obviously. Lysol wipes, coffee, tissue, green beans, and… guam? Yes, apparently I’m picking up Guam this weekend. Hope they have it at Von’s and it’s not over my credit card limit.

Dunno why I wrote my beverages as an outline, though of course Diet Coke is the most important one. Don’t worry, haters! I’ve reserved lots of comments so you can rant about the evils of diet soda. Please do go on. Now, in your corner is a recent study correlating diet soda to early death… but also regular (sugary) soda is linked as well. Soda is bad, mmkay? Always remember though: correlation is not causation.

Also, if you didn’t know… milk is bad (fat). Juice is bad (sugar). Booze is bad (duh). And even water is bad ~ polluted and full of micro-plastics and hormones and fluoride, which now has been proven to lower IQ. OMG, the wackadoos were right! What else have they been right about? Maybe the earth is flat! Maybe we didn’t go to the moon! Maybe Elvis is still alive! The possibilities are endless…

What can we drink then? Conservatives have liberal tears slurped up through plastic straws, but what about the rest of us? Personally, I alternate my Diet Coke with Bai and Snapple (both also diet) until it’s cold (under 70 degrees F), at which point I’ll switch mainly to hot black tea with a splash of milk. Generally, I’ll have one large cup of coffee per day. Mm, hot drinks coming soon. September is annoying because of this heat forcing me to drink so many cold things. Hurry up autumn!

I’ve been out of avos for days, which is so sad (maybe I was crying when I wrote it down, hence the blur?). Avocados are my favorite food and I like to have one a day when I can. I’ve been known to have an avo for breakfast. Just plain, with salt. I’m not a fancy person.

This is also why I don’t date anymore ~ who would want to have a relationship with someone that eats avocados for breakfast? Besides a raccoon… 🥑

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF14: Haters Gonna Date

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on September 6, 2017, exactly two years ago. What I love is that two years later, both links are still good. You can still hate date, my friends! It’s not too late. 😀

Hater Dater Later Gator

Miss me?

While I was away someone told me about a dating site that matches people up by the things they hate, which sounds like a good idea because matching by likes is totes for 15 year olds.

Of course the thing I hate most is dating sites. And dating. So, already we’re in an infinite existential loop like when we program the system to put the catalog of catalogs in the catalog of catalogs. Or something.

Just in case you think I’m making this up in order to have something funny to blargh about (as if), here’s a link to the app.

And here’s an article that sorts hates by state. It’s a strange list. Then again… people. Right?

Whaddayagonnado.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

One Of These Knights…

Knight on horse

On this day, I learned that Facebook is galloping into the dating site biz… after snoozing in the stall for all these years. And I’m sure the first thought to occur to everyone is… OMG will this motivate Paula to end her extended FB vacation?

Ha ha ha ha!

No.

Remember, I didn’t merely deactivate my FB account… I deleted it. And to create a new account, I’d have to create a new email address, which is much too annoying to contemplate. Plus, I hate Facebook. Also, I hate dating. Hmm, I believe that covers everything. Sorry for being brusque.

But! I haven’t given up on finding my dream man… I just increasingly believe that he’s most likely not hanging around on the interwebnets. He may have done so, at some point in the past, and we pixeled past each other like clicks in the night, but he is doing something else now… like writing spontaneously great poetry beside a meandering stream, or perhaps painting psychedelic works of art under a tree…

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Beautiful Lies

Beauty quote

Mindlovemisery asks…

What does inner beauty mean to you? How do you cope with society’s unrealistic ideals of physical beauty? What do you do to feel attractive? Confident? Inspired? What message would you like to impart about beauty to the youth of today?

That’s a lot of questions. I’ve been reading a bunch of bs replies (no, not yours!) about how this particular writer looks beyond the surface and blah blah yada. All the lovely clichéd things we like to read. But in fact most people (no, not you!) do indeed judge by appearances. And I know this via direct experience from my time on dating sites ~ yes, of course I’m going to mention this yet again. 💤

Anyway. I used to think I was so clever in my search, trying to focus on intelligence and humor and writing ability, but those things are somewhat superficial as well. Is it really important in a relationship that a man is at my Scrabble level? As it turns out, I’m bored with Scrabble now. I have come to understand I should have been looking for kindness and honesty all along.

I guess that’s what inner beauty means to me: kindness and honesty. But many are somewhat kind and reasonably honest. The tricky part is that these qualities also need to be accompanied by a lack of narcissism, disloyalty, selfish agendas, etc. Forex, if someone is kind only because he wants to have sex with me, that’s transactional and doesn’t count as inner beauty.

How have I coped? Not well, in the past. I developed anorexia the summer before high school, partly as a way to deal with the expectations of society for girls at that time. It took me years to return to a semi-normal state of mental and physical health. We are always in recovery, no matter what we look like on the outside.

Decades later, I felt neglected and down, so I began to try to attract attention, mostly online. It’s pretty easy for a woman to dress a certain way, post photos, flirt, etc., and get what she needs from men in that way. But it’s all so shallow and meaningless. What’s the point? I proved I could do it, and then I stopped. It became boring, like most things.

What do I do? Beyond the basics, not a lot. I’m older and have been dressing much more conservatively than I used to. I don’t feel comfortable as a 58 year-old grandma trying to look “sexy,” whatever that even means now. So, I get less attention than before and I’m okay with it. Strangely, I feel more confident being comfy than I used to when I dressed to get noticed, since I was always wondering if anyone did notice me. Now, I simply assume no one does and stay lost in my own thoughts. 🙃

I don’t have any advice to give young peeps about beauty except you probably look better right now than you ever will again so live it up! 😻

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon

Perchance to Dream…

Night sky with crescent moon and stars

As part of her “Working on Us” series, Beckie asks about sleep disorders…

1. Have you, or do you suffer from sleep disorders?

– It depends. If I engage in foolish behavior, my sleep will become disordered. Forex, if I stay up until the wee hours, for any reason, good or bad, I won’t be able to make up the lost sleep. (I’m physically unable to sleep past 6am or so.) I’ll be exhausted during the day, clumsier than usual, and feel awful. It will take almost a week of tiny naps and incremental earlier bedtimes to be okay again. I can’t simply go to bed at 8pm and get it over with because then I’ll wake at 2am and be done for the night.

2. Have you sought treatment for your sleep disorders?

– Yes, I have Valium for the times when I’m too upset to fall asleep naturally. Since I quit dating, at the end of 2016, I haven’t needed a refill.

3. Have you ever had a sleep study on you, and if so, what was recommended?

– No.

4. Has your doctor prescribed medication for your sleep disorder, if so, what has worked for you?

– Valium (Rx) or Benadryl.

5. Have you ever tried home remedies to alleviate your sleep disorders? 

– Yes, and they’re all silly. Drugs work. But even better is to eliminate stressful things from my life, such as dating.

6. What’s the longest amount of time you went without sleep?

– Probably 24 hours when I studied for my history test back at the U of I after blowing off many of the classes ~ very unlike me, but history is SO BORING. Eventually I said eff it and just memorized the 8 points of fascism. Luckily, that was the essay.

No, I don’t remember them. Geez. 🙄

I’ve always been a “good sleeper,” not fussy about where I get my 💤. I can sleep on a plane. I have slept on a train. I probably could sleep on a box. Or next to a pile of rocks. Etc. But as I age, I find it harder to stay asleep. If I’m in pain from a migraine or a backache, or if Gatsby is yelling, or a scary nightmare wakes me… boom 💥 it’s over for the night. Depending on the time, I may take something to try to return to dreamland; but if it’s 4am or later, meh. I’ll just get up.

I resist taking naps on weekends because there’s so much to accomplish on my list, but the times I succumb, I feel so much more energized. It’s hard to give myself permission though. I like to constantly cross stuff off on my list… naps are not an item. 🐱

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Lula Learns A Lesson [flash 299]

Crocodile with butterfly

[Begin with Love Letters if you haven’t already.]

Lula couldn’t understand what was delaying Max’s visit to the States. First it was the puzzle over his missing passport documents ~ and she’d loaned him $3,000 to help expedite that mess. This morning he told her no one was allowed to leave base due to a caprice of his superior officer.

“Be patient, darling!” Max had emailed. “I’ll be there as soon as I can. Btw, things would work out better if you could send a money order for my airline tickets. I’ll repay everything as soon as I see you in person. You’re exquisite! XOXO!”

Lula made herself a gin and tonic while she thought about his last request. This whole love affair was turning into a nightmare of debt and frustration. In desperation, she went next door and told the story to Stan, the retired lieutenant.

“He sounds like a wannabe,” Stan said. “Let’s look at his IP.”

Lula didn’t know what an IP was, but she let Stan check out her computer and emails.

“Just as I thought. The evidence is irrefutable.” Stan nodded grimly. “He’s in Florida. The fraud capital!”

“Oh my. That probably explains the alligator in his photo then. Or is that fake too?”

Stan frowned at Max’s profile shot. “Hard to tell. Could be a real gator. Errant ones just wander all over the place down there and even ring people’s doorbells. Crazy state!”

Lula shuddered. “Can we get my money back though? I’ll be eating oatmeal for dinner for the next month if it’s gone for good. Please tell me you can help!”

“Lula, as your good friend and neighbor, I’m going to tell you something extremely important,” Stan said.

“Yes?” Lula took a deep breath.

“I have an extra bottle of Vermont’s finest maple syrup for your oatmeal.” Stan grinned.

~*~

Title inspired by Jim Adams.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

~*~

PS: I know the image is a crocodile, thx. 🙂