Tag Archives: dating

Make Me A Sandwich

Yummy veggie sandwich

This is the yummy veggie sandwich I used to get at our office building café BC. How I miss it… and my office! I’m one of those odd people who like working in an office every day. And I liked going to school way back when too. 📚

At first, I was gonna riff on the whole “sand witch” thing, but a billion people got there first. I hate when that happens. Which it always does. Instead, I will reminisce about the time that I actually got out of bed to make a guy a sandwich and he complained later that I hadn’t baked him a lasagna. True story for the #paulacanpickem file.

Anyway. The veggie sandwich isn’t my very favorite sandwich; it’s just my favorite that I used to get while working. My favorite is probably a grilled cheese and tomato. I’ve experimented with various breads and different cheeses, and I have to say that I always return to rye bread and American cheese. I also like my grilled cheese very well done, almost burnt, not golden like they serve it in restaurants.

Grilled cheese sandwich

Another favorite sandwich is loxonabagel. Yes, all one word like that. Most of the time, I have this deliciousness open-faced, but it still counts as a sandwich.

Lox and bagel

Please note how it’s perfectly fine and even recommended (by yours truly) to dot the cream cheese with capers, but I’d rather not have onions on my loxonabagel sandwich. And please no tomato! Save that for grilled cheese. Keep your sandwich fixings in their lanes.

Yes, I know there is tomato in this photo. I am just saying. The only way to know your loxonabagel is better sans tomato is to have one with tomato, amirite? 🤣

Moving on. Some people call a hamburger a sandwich… are you one of them?

Cheeseburger CD holder

I think it’s acceptable! The point is to have a thing between two other separate things. I’m defining it that way to eliminate stuff like pie, which is #notasandwich, but to include sandwich cookies, which we will discuss in depth soon. You didn’t think I was going to end this post without talking about cookies, did you? 😱😱😱

Anyway. Here we have a bun (hun), which is two separate bread pieces, and it creates a convenient way to hold the things inside, which we then can nom while continuing to lose at cards, just as the Earl of Sandwich envisioned. Of course, we must not nom on the pictured cheezberder because it is a CD holder and that would be gross.

Five years ago, when we were living like normal humans, relatively speaking, my eldest took me to a wonderful high tea in Northern California. We had the most scrumptious little cucumber sandwiches and other delights and pastries, and of course many pots of lovely tea. 💖

High tea

Before I bring the dessert cart, please allow me to pay tribute to one of the best combos ever invented: the peanut butter and jelly sandwich!

Peanut butter and jelly

My favorite combo is Jif smooth PB with blackberry or strawberry jam (not jelly) on whole wheat. What’s yours?

Okay, onto the sandwich cookie! Oreo has a baZillion flavors out now, some totes ridonkulous, but I must admit that besides the Double Stuf original flavor, I thought the cookie dough was pretty tasty.

Cookie dough Oreos

Up in Northern California (again ~ they have yummo food!), my daughter treated me to this divine hazelnut pastry at an Italian bakery.

Hazelnut sandwich pastry

So so so good!

In my fantasy of living a normal life again, whenever that may happen, if it even ever does… I’ll walk into a restaurant without worrying about the last time everything was soaked in bleach, order a sandwich at the counter without fretting over how close people are standing to me, and calmly eat my lunch in a booth with my mind on my blog or a book or work or family or friends or whatever thing other than the you know what!

~*~

Image credit to Jim Adams.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

A Bunch Of Nonsense

To distract myself from myself, I’m going to answer these super intrusive questions about myself from Melanie

1. Tell us how you met your partner. Please be specific in telling your tale.

I don’t have a “partner.” I’ve been divorced since 2011 and all my attempts at dating were documented disasters. Right now, it might be nice to have someone to be cooped up with though. Or maybe not.

2. What is your most romantic experience, again with details?

I have a post in drafts called Skyloft. It’s about the best first date I ever had ~ my last first date. I had a couple more first meetings since, but they don’t count as first dates. This man was also a disaster, like the others, but worse because I’d finally begun to trust again, and after him everything was impossibly shattered. The date itself was incredible. It was the hottest day of the year, and I was sick, had been sick for a month, which made the whole experience surreal. I felt I was in a painting, with all the colors and sounds and tastes and smells so exquisitely bright. When he touched me, I felt transported to another plane. Nothing was the same again… it still isn’t. He kissed me at the beach, with the turquoise waves crashing in, just like a dream. I will never forget this, no matter what he did later.

3. What is the most extravagant purchase you’ve ever made, and why did you buy it?

I have not bought anything extravagant for a really long time. I’m super careful. I’ve spent money, sometimes a lot, but on stuff that’s necessary, such as a car (a sensible one). I simply can’t think of anything. Oh! I know. My daughter went to Costa Rica several years ago and brought me some very cool artwork. I spent $400 to have it framed. But I love it. ❤️

4. What is your favorite swear word or expression, and when are you most likely to use it?

I’m an equal opportunity swearer. I try to give all the bad words a good workout daily, but I must admit that since I haven’t been driving they’ve been sitting in a sad heap on the sofa watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island and munching potato chips. 😢

5. What is your favorite kind of pie? With or without ice cream?

Ooh pie! I had the best pie up in Northern California ~ key lime with whipped cream and a thick graham cracker crust. That is my fave, followed closely by lemon cream and then cherry. No ice cream necessary.

6. While we’re on the subject, what is your favorite ice cream, and where did you last eat it?

Cookie dough! I don’t remember when or where I ate it last. I don’t eat ice cream often because I’m always freezing. 🥶

7. Who is your most unique friend and why? (May be someone from the past.)

My daughters are both brilliant and hilarious and totally unique. I love them to bits! My besties! 💖💖 (Why? Because I raised them! Duh.)

8. What is your most irritating habit?

Yelling at my cat to quit yelling. 🐱

9. Who was your favorite teacher and why?

I loved many of my philosophy and writing professors at CSUN.

10. Do you like being alone and if so, what would you probably be doing?

I enjoy choosing to be alone; I don’t enjoy this forced isolation and not being allowed to go to work. It’s super depressing. When alone, I read, write, play phone games, chat with peeps online, etc.

11. What is the most outlandish thing you’ve ever done?

Probably picked up hitchhikers and taken rides from strange men back in Illinois. Nothing bad ever happened even though this is a terribly stupid thing to do.

12. What superstition do you always follow?

I count things a lot, which isn’t really a superstition, but more an OCD, except not that much since I don’t do it consistently. I just feel things will work out better when there’s the right number of ’em.

13. What famous person or animal have you met? Tell us about the meeting.

Not really. I’ve seen various celebs in the Los Angeles area, but haven’t hung out with any. I don’t think celebs or royals are better than anyone else, and people ought to quit making such a fuss over them. 😛

~*~

Image credit to Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Self-Isolation Report 1

Isolation Bitmoji

Thursday Morning

8:00 ~ cleaned cat box, vacuumed, did laundry, cleaned bathroom, read blogs

9:30 ~ had coffee & an avocado 🥑

10:00 ~ dusted, cleaned kitchen

11:00 ~ exercised to a video

11:30 ~ downloaded phone games

Thursday Afternoon

1:00 ~ played phone games, ate cookies 🍪

5:00 ~ thought about writing, took a walk in Huntington Beach

Huntington Beach Central Park

Thursday Night

7:00 ~ ate instant noodles, made tea, started work

8:00 ~ freaked out about Gov Newsom telling us we can never leave our homes again and began frantically chatting with friends and daughters

11:00 ~ finished work, had more tea

Midnight ~ made this post, feeling too anxious too sleep, glad I still have some Valium

Yah… so just like the olden days when I was all upset about some dumb man, I can’t get my mind in a clear enough state to switch over to the fictional realm. It’s too cluttered with stabby bits of reality and what ifs.

~*~

Images from Bitmoji and me.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ60: Otters

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks… how we met our significant otter, or if we don’t have an SO, how we met our last one. My last otter wasn’t “significant” in the sense of being a long-term relationship (a few months of contact); but it was important in the sense that it marked the end of my dating days.

I met this guy ~ let’s call him “Michael” ~ via a dating site in 2016 after I took a break from dating. I had created a hidden profile and impulsively went live with it while at the Los Angeles County Fair because I was in a optimistic mood while hanging out with friends. What a fun day that was!

Anyway, I met a few guys who were meh and then Michael. I don’t want to say a lot about Michael right now or the specifics of our time together because that emphasizes what happened (and encourages people to give advice 🙄), when the crucial aspect is the totality of my dating experiences.

You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camel’s back, right? Well, I’m the camel in this scenario and these guys were straws, none of them that important, certainly not Michael. But he was the last one, and I did break. Before him, I met a bunch of lying liars, all in different disguises, and he was a lying liar too… wrapped up in a disguise I hadn’t seen before. But still he was the same as the rest, and when I understood this I was finished with it all.

I fell into a depression, not because of him, but over the loss of the dream/fantasy that I would find someone. For decades, I had nurtured this dream, fed it romance novels and love songs and Meg Ryan romcoms. I truly thought I would have the happily ever after, my soul mate, my eternal flame. Giving it up left a huge void of darkness. I cried all the time. It was hard to sleep or I slept too much. Negative thought spirals took control of my mind and refused to let go. It took about a year and a half for me to get better.

Believe them the first time

But getting better is an ongoing process, and it does not include dating. I know people mean well when they encourage me to try again or say nice things about meeting someone, but part of my healing is coming to terms with the fact that this is not going to happen and that part of my life is over. I can’t allow myself to be subject to the agendas of liars and narcissists again; I can’t put myself in the position of being harassed and stalked by whiners and bullies when I don’t do what they want. It’s too traumatic and stressful to think about. I’m getting shaky even typing the words.

I realized that dating sites themselves were a huge part of the problem for me. They attract the worst sorts of men (whether pay sites or not), and the older you are the worse it gets. The men were significantly sh*ttier when I was on at age 55 than when I was 50. They acted like they were doing me a favor by even saying hello, like I should be grateful for their attention. I get that other women are able to ignore the jerkos and focus on finding the prize in the pile of poo, but that’s really hard for me. I am affected by comments from jerkos. That’s why I like to preemptively block them here and on Twitter when I can. 👻

So, when anyone asks for my opinion of dating sites, I tell them that they all suck. If you enjoy becoming a product/commodity and having a people look you over for your features as if you’re a TV on Amazon and reject you for a better deal, then maybe you will enjoy the sites. Not me.

Besides, we shouldn’t meet anyone now anyway. Who knows how often they wash their hands? Back to cybersex! 😍

~*~

Images from Fandango and Google.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Mini Crush #PoiMe

Pointless meandering

From my last meandering, my thoughts drifted to a brief crush I had… at some point in the last six months or so. I’m being purposely vague because there’s no need for anyone to guess who he might be. 😎

The existence of my crush annoyed me. Not the person but my own thoughts. Oh, yes… this is how it is. All coming back to me. Not fun at all. Was it ever fun? To think about a person in “that way” and wonder if they were thinking about you too, hoping they might be, and suspecting they were not? What a pain it all is, so time-consuming and pointless, but not in a good way like my meanderings… just annoying.

I’m positive my mini crush feelings were not mutual. There were never any signs that he gave any thought to my existence whatsoever. And yet… and yet… for a short time I entertained silly hopes he would. I fantasized about meeting and what that would be like, what I would wear, yada. Could this turn into a real “something”… after all this time, without a dating site involved… would that be possible for me? My fantasies spiraled out in all directions like one of those party sparklers. And… nothing happened.

I became angry with myself. I had so much to do, was so tired, and I was wasting time thinking about this crap! I forced myself to stop. The idea that I even briefly allowed my emotions to get tangled in this “game” made me feel sick; I recalled when I used to get involved with someone how quickly I let my life center around their wants and needs. Wow, that pisses me off to think about! The whole selfish, one-sidedness of dating, which I understand isn’t the same for everyone, but it was for me because of my bad luck or bad choices or whatever.

I’m fine now… but the “crush” experience, brief as it was, gave me a glimpse back through the sad window of Ye Olden Days Cafe. Back then, I was constantly trying to win the approval of some man, catch his eye, hold his attention, make him smile, be what he needed, just enough, but not too much, try to read his mind without acting clingy, on and on… so many many things a woman is supposed to be and do and look to be pleasing to some man who couldn’t care less.

Never again. Never ever ever again.

All those times I fussed and agonized over how I looked to meet some gross slob from a dating site who seemed to have just rolled out of bed and grabbed clothes off the floor? And forgot his wallet, ha ha ha. Not to mention the fact that they were invariably late because… thoughtless and rude. 😡

Nope. Not gonna happen. But this crush took me by surprise because it didn’t happen via a dating site. I haven’t met a man from a site in almost 3 years! But it ended up the same… annoying AF. Not that it had anything to do with the person; the entire thing played out all inside my own head.

I will consider it a warning. ⚠️

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

First Date [flash 175]

Spaceship taking people

“What the heck is going on, Bill?” Kathy patted her hair to smooth it back into place after that whoosh up into the air.

Bill grinned and waved his arms around, which seemed abnormally short. “You said you were bored with the same old dates, so I came up with an original concept.”

She had said that in her profile. “Yes, but when you told me to meet you in the field, I assumed we’d have a romantic evening looking at stars, not a tour of a spaceship.”

“It’s too overcast to see stars tonight through this haze,” Bill said. “Besides, this is the latest Teslatta. Aren’t you interested in the amazing details?”

Kathy shrugged. “Only if it has a wine and cheese bar.”

“Well, it does,” Bill said, pushing a button on the console.

“Eww!” Kathy shrieked as giant insects flew out of a crevice.

Bill zapped them up with his 7-foot tongue. “Sorry about that, Kathy,” he said after swallowing. “I need to put a sticker on that button to remind me.”

~*~

Written for Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge 55.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Tangled Thoughts #PoiMe

Pointless meandering

One of the things that motivated me to both begin this #PoiMe idea and also quit doing so many prompts was the Flashback Friday. Please bear with me through the tangle of thoughts here…

So, when I look for my FF post I generally find a book or movie review, a Wordless Wednesday, or someone else’s poetry (I was big on quoting back in the day). Why is this the case when my blog is so old? Well, I’ll tell you! It’s because I periodically hosed a ton of posts. Usually I did this because I was once again attempting to find the love of my life on a dating site. I didn’t want new men to visit and read all my bitching about men on dating sites, so I kept erasing my footsteps. Unfortunately, some of those posts were very funny and would have made good FF’s. Too bad. 😔

But the point is, my blog had become a bit sterile and structured. Old boring posts. Huge gaps in posting due to hosing. New posts mainly in response to other people’s prompts. Where was my very own stuff? There didn’t seem to be that much of it, and that bugged me. Yes, a poem or a piece of flash fiction is still “mine” even if I wrote it in reply to a prompt ~ and I’m pleased with some of those results. But to me, my blog should still have a sizable amount of my own jabbering straight from my own mind.

There hasn’t been much in my life that I can call mine without someone else telling me what to do, how to do it, and when. I realize that’s the case for most people, so I’m nobody special. But I do have writing. It’s the one thing. And for a while I was hoping to hand that over to someone else too, in exchange for major coin… in fact, I wanted this so badly I would have done anything… I do mean anything to achieve it. (Almost anything.)

But it didn’t happen. I changed the way I wrote in hopes of pleasing people who might pay me for it, but that didn’t help. I wrote totally different things, but nope. Nothing. Some near-bites and a couple bucks, but… nothing. Finally, I gave up and self-published. The beautiful thing about this path is that there’s no one telling me what to write and how many words, where to break chapters, that my characters are too much this or too little that, et cetera. I do what I want! 😈

Why then should my blog be kneecapped by prompts? It was entirely my own fault that I pressured myself to feel I needed to reply to so many. Whenever I felt like “just writing,” I thought mm can’t cuz I have all those prompts saved to do. Even at this very moment, I can’t escape the teensy dart of guilt for not writing about Fandango’s spaceship and instead blabbering on here.

But dangit I am determined to pointlessly meander now, at random times, when the mood strikes… 🦋

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ58: Shattered Illusions

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks…

What is something you’ve long believed to be true, but you now realize is not true?

This question definitely lives up to its name and has provoked a lot of thinkies. While there have been minor and/or short-lived beliefs I’ve held that life has popped like a room full of party balloons, nothing comes close to my cherished and false belief in love. 💔

Now before people start hollering at me… I am not saying I have ceased to believe that love exists. Don’t be silly. Of course, I know that people find love all the time. Other people. What I mean is that for decades I was absolutely certain with an unwavering faith that love existed for me. A soul mate. All that romance novel crap. But soon I’m going to turn 59 and I have given up. In fact, I can pinpoint exactly when I gave up: Thanksgiving 2016 when I got dumped by someone I really believed was a good guy who wanted to be with me and would follow through on the plans we’d made. 🥀

Some people will say that it’s because I gave up that I can’t find love. There’s some woo theory that you must behave as if love is already in your life and wake up every day with the idea that you will be with your soul mate imminently. So, you’ll be happy and smiling and dressing beautifully, since you would be doing these things if you were meeting your love for brunch… and then by some miracle he will appear at the car wash or something. Idk. It’s not my theory, so don’t expect me to defend it! 🤣

The thing is, how long does a reasonable human behave this way? Six months? Ten years? You wake up happy, smiling, put on a gorgeous glittering gown, sashay off to the car wash… and they go, “Jesus, it’s that crazy lady again waiting for her soul mate! When is she gonna bring a car here?”

So, anyway. Giving up gave me freedom. I quit the dating sites. I deleted Meetups. I even exited Facebook and Instagram. All the social media sites that were supposed to make you feel connected to people (and potential soul mates), but left me feeling more isolated and alone. I began to focus only on work, family, friends, and writing. I quit spending money trying to look “sexy” for some man I hadn’t met and most likely never would. I revitalized my blog, which has always been my favorite form of “social media.” 😻

Now, in a movie or novel, this is exactly when I would meet my soul mate, right? When I’m focused on my own life and doing things that bring me joy, rather than searching outward for happiness. But this is real life not a romcom… so no.

Bitmoji shrug

~*~

Image credits to Fandango and Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

I Say, Read On! [fiction 200]

Toasting at sunset

Rita checked her notes. “So, you are looking for a true soul mate?”

“Yes,” Art said. “That’s why I signed up for Elite Match. I need someone I can relate to, a woman who loves literature, not a liar who lives in a trailer with a litter of kids.”

Rita frowned over her tea. “I see. You sound very irate. Are you upset?”

“I am,” Art admitted. “You were late to our meeting and I drank an ale while waiting. It wasn’t very good.”

“I would have been here earlier,” Rita said. “But one of my kids fed trail mix to our turtle. It ate a lot. I had to call the vet.”

Art rolled his eyes. “I thought you didn’t have kids, Rita. They’re such a trial. Did you lie on the form or alter the information later?”

“No,” she said. “Maybe you weren’t alert when you read my profile. I don’t mean to rattle your cage.”

“I’m fine!” Art yelled. “I’m just going to retreat to the patio and get some fresh air!”

Rita smiled and returned to her notes. At the top was the title of her next book: How I Drove Men Crazy On Dating Sites.

~*~

Written for Rory’s What’s Your Story Then?

Words made from literature: air, ale, alert, alter, are, Art, ate, earlier, Elite, irate, it, late, later, liar, lie, litter, rattle, relate, retreat, Rita, tea, title, trail, trailer, trial, true, turtle

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Stars Fill My Dream

Love is in da blog

Happy February! I’m participating in Bee’s fun music challenge again and hope you’ll join in (you don’t have to play every day).

Today’s theme is a song for our first love and before I could choose a song, I had to figure out who exactly counted as my first love. Was it my first boyfriend, who was an ass, but we exchanged ILY regardless? Or my second one, who was great, but I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right then? After some pondering, I went with Guy 2…

We had a wonderful time together, and I regret a lot of things, especially that even when we reconnected during my divorce I was too stressed out to be a good friend. I doubt he’ll ever see this post, but “Kashmir” was playing one summer afternoon in his car in Chicago when we were happy. I can recall that feeling of being in love and not having a world of burdens upon me… and gorgeous music floating all around in the sunshine. I found this beautiful video today to match the feeling of the words. I hope you’ll listen and watch. ❤️

~*~

Written for Love Is In Da Blog Day 4.

Image credit to Happy Color.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.