Tag Archives: dating

PFF33: Who, Her?

Friday Flashback

Welcome to Paula’s Friday Flashback! This is a challenge begun by Fandango and it’s fun to see what we posted back when (as well as the comments). The below is a reblog of a post I made on January 19, 2014. It’s another review ~ the reason why so many of my PFF’s are reviews is because I did several hosings of old whiny posts about dating etc.

Note my ongoing issue with how writers are so oddly out of touch with financial realities. 🙄

Her

I saw Her last night. (Who’s on first?)

Unfortunately I didn’t enjoy this movie as much as I thought I would. Joaquin did a nice job and there were some interesting moments, a few laffs, but overall? I had a major problem with the film (besides it being a big batch of romantic downersauce).

And my problem was not with the premise. I can totally understand falling in love with an operating system as opposed to a real person. People are annoying. My problem was as follows. We are to buy a time in the nearish future when an OS has advanced to the point of being like a real person in there, only better. This is not that hard to accept. However!

My problem was with Theodore’s job. In this time of the conscious/empathetic OS that anyone can haz, we are to simultaneously believe there is a need for a company full of apparently well-paid people writing thank-you and other letters for peeps who need help with such things. Are you fucking kidding me? Why can’t a software program do this? But no… we have a whole company full of these writers. And Theo lives in some fancy-schmancy apartment in Los Angeles with an incredible view of the city. I’m so sure.

I’ll buy a time when Scarlett Johansson lives inside your puter and wakes you up in the middle of the night just to say hai, but I can’t buy a time when a writer makes enough money churning out Hallmark schmaltz to live in a posh condo off Wilshire Boulevard.

Give me a break.

/end reblog

~*~

Image from Pexels.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

5 Things (That I Like About Me)

5 kittens

Sadje shared a nice meme from Cyranny: #5Things she likes about herself. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, especially now at the beginning of a new year when we want to start fresh and accomplish so much, but it’s important to be good to ourselves too. Don’t worry, there are lots of other people ready and willing to tear us down. If you don’t believe me, try going on a dating site.

Here are #5Things I like about me (YMMV):

1. That I’ve quit smashing my head into a brick wall–I mean dating. I’ve quit dating! This has decreased the drama level in my life to practically zero, which makes me happy. I am not an adrenaline addict. 🌹

2. That I’m resilient. Sometimes I get really down and think there’s no way out from a depressing spiral of whatever nature, but I’m eventually always okay and I adapt to changes. 👍🏻

3. That I enjoy my own company. This gives me the freedom to stay home often and work or write or read without feeling lonely and sad, and that in turn allows me to accomplish more goals. 🐱

4. That I’m open minded to new info. This is something everyone says, but few actually are, in my experience. I’ve changed my mind about many issues, or modified my positions, and will continue to do so until I die. That’s called learning and growth. ✨

5. That I never jeopardized my job for a man. Thank God, some molecule of sense kept me from doing that back when I was tempted by this idiot or that one. They’re all gone, and the job abides. 💖

This was a great exercise! Really made me think, instead of rattling off silliness. I hope Sadje continues the #5Things prompt with other topics. 🙂

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Ten Year Report

Di of Pensitivity101 tagged me for this introspective challenge. I’ll begin with the high points of the past 10 years, followed by the low, and then answer her questions. I’m not going to tag anyone else. 🙂

High Points 2010 – 2020

In 2011, my sweet kitty Gatsby came into my life via the Orange County Animal Shelter. 😻❤️

My daughters both graduated from college (and did extremely well too), one in 2012 and one in 2015.

They also both got married to awesome guys (2017, 2019)! 💖💖

In 2018, a wonderful little granddaughter arrived! 😍✨🤩

I have published many books during these 10 years, and while they may not fly off the shelves, the fact that I have actual finished novels and other books out there gives me a great sense of accomplishment.

Low Points 2010 – 2020

My divorce was final in 2011, and while this was a necessary step, it’s still sad.

The relationship I had through my 2-year divorce process ended badly in 2011.

The entire 5-year dating debacle that followed was a depressing, and at times frightening, mess and continues to have repercussions to this day.

My dad passed in 2013 (my mom in 2008).

My cat Cocoa died in 2010 or 2011… my memory is a bit fuzzy right now. 😢

Di’s Questions

Is there any year in the past decade that stands out as the best?

-This last one (2019) ended up on a positive note because I moved into a new place with a good friend and got away from my old rundown apartment. I also spent quite a bit of time with family and friends and began writing a fun story. 🙂

Has your taste in music changed in the past ten years or do you think music in general has changed?

-I don’t listen to much new music, but in the last several years I’ve found myself liking more country and folk songs. Hard rock is a bit of a bore sometimes lately.

Are you heavier or lighter than you were ten years ago?

-I’m about the same, up maybe 2-3 pounds. But in the middle of these 10 years I was much lighter ~ I got sick from sushi (will never have it again) and could hardly eat for a month. Then a certain relationship stressed me out so much, anxiety kept my appetite away. I was 10 pounds lighter than today and so right now I feel “fat” because I liked the way I looked then. I’m hoping to get back there, but via exercise and good habits. 😇

How many cars have you owned in the past decade?

-Two.

Fun prompt! 🥳

~*~

Image snagged from Rory!

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Caramel Crunch: Topic 1, Faraway Love

Caramel has a new prompt, in which she sets up a hypothetical situation and then asks us to discuss what we would do. Here is her first topic…

WHEN IT COMES TO THE CRUNCH – WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

You realize that you have met someone who makes your pulse race, and who you love, admire and respect more than anyone else you have met. The two of you enjoy a romantic friendship and grow closer and closer. Love and trust build. But then…

…he or she goes home. Their visa has expired. They return to their home in a distant country. In their home country, they have responsibilities, they own a property, they have aging parents who need more assistance.

You accept that the person you are in love with had to go home. You miss them and they miss you. You both keep in touch regularly. But you also have family, responsibilities and a world of friends who you love in your home country.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Are you a great romantic? Or are you more practical in your outlook? Does family come before your lovelife? Or when love comes along, do you cling to the person you have fallen in love with?

I have given up “dating” in the sense of deliberately searching for someone suitable nearby because that hasn’t worked out well for me at all, so I could imagine a situation like this developing out of a friendship that inadvertently turned into love. But I’m not good at sadness and longing ~ that would quickly overwhelm my abilities to function at other things, like working and paying bills. So, unless there was some wisp of hope that my soul mate would return, I think I would have to emotionally disengage and taper off the messages with my sweetie. It would be important to protect myself from sinking into depression even if it meant cutting off communication with him, or at least a lot of it, so I could heal and move on. 😢

I’m not 100% sure about this… maybe I could continue to enthusiastically write and text message and chat on the phone, keeping the spark alive, if I were confident my sweetie still felt madly in love with me. Maybe. But I suspect I would be consumed with despair over never being able to see him, and our convos would end up being mainly about how sad we were. Or, if he was happy without me and his life was filling up with other stuff, then I’d think, huh, I shouldn’t be thinking about him all the time either cuz clearly he is getting over me. 🙃

Paradoxically, I’d want him to be happy, and I would encourage this. I might even encourage him to date because it would be horribly selfish to say okay I can never see him again so therefore he should be lonely forever. And if he were a good person (as opposed to the men I usually choose), he’d say the same to me. At this point (seeing others, or having the freedom to do so), it would be hard for me to feel as emotionally bonded to him. As soon as I suspect a man might be interested in another woman, my interest in him drops to zero, which is a huge reason why those dating apps didn’t work for me. You’re supposed to flirt with multiple people at once and be cool with the fact that they are doing the same. 😝

Now that I’ve “talked it out,” I believe all roads in this hypothetical crunch lead to ending things with Mr. Long Distance. 💔

~*~

Image from Caramel.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

The Little Drummer Boy Challenge [dating story]

Oops, I did it again! 😀 Won the Little Drummer Boy Challenge, that is. It’s this fun game where you try to avoid hearing any version of LDB between 12:01AM Black Friday until midnight December 23. I first found out about it on ye olde book of face, but the host has a blog and a twitter, so I am able to stay connected, yay! I think I’ve been playing for 5 years and have lost once or twice.

I know I lost once for sure because it was at a Barnes & Noble, where I ended up after meeting one of the strangest dating site men. And that’s saying something, trust me. It was 2016, when I was totally broken-hearted and trying to recover, as was my way, by immediately flinging myself into something new. This guy and I hit it off online because he was funny. I like the funny. Funny is good. He was a bit mean though, which I don’t like, but often you have to take the mean with the funny. That’s how it works. I have heard, which I know you will find absurd, that I also am mean. I KNOW RIGHT? 😱

Anyway, this guy, let’s call him Mitty, was a total extrovert online and in text. He even called me in the mornings on the way to work and just jabbered away, all upbeat and flirty. I thought maybe he was gonna be too talkative and pushy for me, IYKWIM (AITYD). But I really wanted to meet him (or anyone above-ground) to get my mind off that other guy, so I proceeded.

We decided to meet at a Bed, Bath & Beyond because Mitty needed new drapes. We had these fun ideas like we’d pretend to be married as soon as we saw each other and try out the beds because ours had “worn out,” etc. I was definitely excited about experiencing his sense of humor in person, though a lil worried I might not be able to keep up. 😬

I needn’t have stressed. In person, Mitty was a mouse. 🐭 He could barely mumble hello. Where was the funny, flirty man on the phone? Idk! He was the same guy as in his photos, but he did not have the same personality… so weird! Maybe he didn’t like me in person, but I had sent accurate pics, so I don’t think that was it. In any case, we spent about 15 minutes looking at drapes, then Mitty said he didn’t like any and was going to try other stores. That’s it. The pre-date was over. Never heard from him again.

But the point of the story is that I had like an extra hour to kill before meeting my friends, since the Mitty meeting was so short, and that’s when I waltzed into B&N, only to get blasted with a version of LDB! Oh noooooooo! Not only had Mitty failed to lift me out of my sea of heartbreak, but now I’d lost the LDBC too. Life was so unfair. 😢

But I haven’t lost since, not even last week when I was at a real live Christmas carol singalong. 🎶 They didn’t do LDB, whew! The funny thing is that I actually love the song and there are so many fantastic versions. On the way home from work today, I heard Josh Groban’s for the first time, and it was so good!

I’ll leave you with Joan Jett’s take on the tune, one of my faves. Have a wonderful night! 🎄🎁❤️

~*~

Image from Bitmoji.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Holiday Oversharing

Hanukkah Bitmoji

Melanie has questions!

QUESTIONS FOR THE WEEK 12-23-19:

1. Do dogs ‘talk’ (communicate) with their own species?

I think so. I’m not sure if all that barking means anything other than to warn critters away from “their” territory, but dogs seem to have a complex system of body language to communicate with each other. So do cats and other animals, even bugs. We aren’t that special. And no I didn’t read any of the links; I’m just jabbering away, as I do.

2. Have you ever had to work on Christmas Day?

Had to, no, but it’s a good day for me to get work and other chores done, since I don’t celebrate Christmas. This year, I’ll do some work in the morning before heading over to a friend’s house to watch movies.

Merry Christmas Bitmoji

3. If someone gifts you something that you immediately loathe, do you pretend to really like it anyway or are you brutally honest about your opinion?

I find something about it to like and a kind comment to make. “Brutally honest” is a euphemism for being an asshole ~ it’s one of the terms you see a lot on dating sites from men who revel in being jerks. Yuck.

3. Which popular drink, found during the Christmas season most often, is called “milk punch?”

Don’t know, sounds gross.

4. How many ghosts show up during “A Christmas Carol?”

Just had this Q in a trivia game and luckily one of my teammates knew it was 4.

5. Are you all about the holly and jolly or more about remembering the alleged ‘true’ meaning of Christmas?

Neither really, since I celebrate Chanukah, and that only mildly. But I’m not a humbug either… I’m happy for other people’s joy and will go to parties, sing, dance, and be merry.

Meowy Christmas Bitmoji

6. Please share a memory or thought about the holiday season if you’d like, whatever kind of celebration you may observe.

When I was in 5th grade the music teacher asked if anyone was Jewish. Unfortunately, I had told someone I was so she pointed to me. The teacher asked how I celebrated Chanukah and I said I didn’t. He was confused and made a joke about Santa not celebrating Christmas. Everyone laughed and I felt humiliated. I hated him. And them. But it wasn’t their fault. In 6th grade, I stayed home sick on music days around that time to avoid this scenario repeating.

I was a half-Jewish girl who didn’t celebrate the Jewish holidays because my father had no interest in them. My mom liked to put up Christmas lights and decorate cookies, so that’s what we did. We had Easter bunny baskets too. I grew up with all the standard American stuff, even though I didn’t really belong to it. It was easy to give it up when I married a Jewish man. Later, after our divorce, when faced with various dating options, I decided I didn’t want to observe holidays in my home that I no longer felt connected to. (I am fine with not doing anything for any holidays however.) Why do I feel connected to my father’s side and not my mother’s, when he wasn’t even interested in his own holidays? I don’t know.

Dizzy dreidel Bitmoji

~*~

Images from Bitmoji

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Hello, It’s Me

As Rory continues to amass his dossiers on us, I for one am happy to provide loads of juicy info for his future blackmail schemes. How about you?

Secret agents

1. What makes you laugh, as in really laugh hard?

Unexpected humor is the best. I love to be caught off-guard by someone making a wordplay in the middle of a conversation. That just cracks me up, especially if it pulls in a layered reference to a past event. I can be moved to tears by verbal silliness. One thing I particularly enjoy (though it isn’t spontaneous) is parody. When I watched this video the other day for the first time, I was literally LMAO!

2. What makes you really angry?

What doesn’t? That would be a shorter list. Idiots who blow through red lights and go way over the speed limit. Tailgaters. People who abuse children and pets. Racism and antisemitism. Leaf blowers. Litterbugs. Any repetitive beeping sound wtfff shut up!!!

People who refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings. Blamers, whiners, and bullies. Sulkers and pouters. But also those who scream endlessly. Stalkers. Narcissists. Compulsive liars. Yes, I could have just said men on dating sites. 🙄

3. Who knows you the best?

My daughters probably know me best of all, but no one knows the real me. There’s a blogger (inactive now) whom I’ve never met in person, but when we were hanging out online she was great at understanding what I meant. I sometimes write obscurely and she would translate for the masses. (I’m better at writing clearly than I used to be.) My ex-husband also could translate my thoughts for me way back when. It’s nice to feel understood, without having to explain 27 different ways before someone goes “oh I see,” and then you wonder if they’re just being polite. These two somehow tapped into the way my mind worked regarding conceptual thought, and that was very cool.

But that’s just one aspect of a person, how they think about concepts. It’s important, granted, but there are other things, needs, values, dreams, goals, humor, etc. I used to be more “branded” with stuff like cupcakes and shoes and favorite novels and ways of expressing myself, so that it was easier for people to predict what I might say. But I became too bored with all that, even if it’s ideal for an online presence. Some people know a few facets of me well, and a few (my daughters) know many… but there are some no one knows, maybe not even me.

Eye behind camera lens with chess pieces

~*~

Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Rory’s Really You S1G3

Images from Happy Color and Pixabay

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

More About Meeee

It me bitmoji

Rory continues his Really You game with a second round of questions today…

1. Do you hoard clutter or constantly de-clutter?

As Melanie noted, clutter and hoarding are two separate things, though of course one can be a hoarder with a cluttered house. My mother, forex, was extremely neat and clean, and her homes were always free of dust and clutter, but she did hoard some weird stuff in the back of the closets. Some men I’ve known have been messy with a lot of clutter around, but I wouldn’t call them hoarders. They’re just too busy or lazy to clean up. I’ve also known messy hoarders who would literally freak out at the idea of tossing away any of their precious garbage. Ughhh. Impossible to date these people. Can’t even imagine what would happen if two of ’em ended up together… 😱

As far as me, I am neither a clutterer nor a hoarder ~ in fact, I’m notorious for throwing things away. That’s how I relieve stress. Delete delete delete! Ahhhh… Right now, I’m in the process of moving and have tossed a ton of things away and also have donated some stuff to Goodwill. It makes me feel fantastic to lighten up! I only wish I could afford to dump everything and start over completely! Well, not everything. I do have some sentimental attachment to photo albums and books, etc. But clothing and furniture and useless knickknacks bought on a whim? Meh.

Love empty clean space…

Empty clean room hardwood floor

2. Do you enjoy cooking – if so what is your ‘special dish’  and if not what is the dish you wish you could create?

This is a complicated question. I loved cooking when I was young, but it was also a form of control for me. I wanted to know exactly what I was eating and how much in order to count calories. Later, I lightened up about that, but at the same time became more adept in estimating the calories in restaurant foods (pro-tip: always higher than you imagine), plus there are a zillion guides and charts now. I was happy to cook for my family and figure out ways to create meals we could all enjoy. I never forced anyone to eat anything they disliked cuz I hate when people do that to me.

But now I’m alone. It’s not fun to cook for myself and have to clean up a sink full of dishes after. I dislike buying in quantities I know will go to waste, eat the same meal 5 times, or freeze it in blobs. Occasionally, I’ll make something for a potluck, but with so many people now vegan or gluten-free or paleo… meh. It’s just easier to stop at the store for a fruit bowl or whatever. I keep careful track of my finances, and I’m not spending more now that I’ve quit bothering to cook for myself.

When I was dating (barf), I thought it would be romantic to cook with someone, but things never progressed to that point. I kept running into these man-babies who were looking to be coddled and nurtured by having someone prepare hot meals for them when they came over. Welp… I work full-time same as they do. I am totally not into slaving away over a stove for some dude while he watches the game. It’s not 1950, hello!

June Cleavage costume cherry pie

3. What are we likely to find in your condiment cupboard?

I just threw everything away! 🤣🤣🤣

~*~

Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Image credit to the Bitmoji app, Google, and Amazon.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Gone Nuts, Back Soon

Nuts are supposed to be good for you, but trust me when I say I’ve gone way past my RDA. That would be my Recommended Dating Allowance, btw. What were you thinking? Yep, my five-year foray around the dating sites produced quite the variety of mixed nuts, some saltier than others, some spicy, others honey-coated… but in the end… all nuts, every last one. Nuttier than a fruitcake, if you put them all in a room together, which is something I would not recommend. Yes, I realize there must be something I do to attract all these nuts, or maybe I have some naturally occurring nut magnetism. Whatever it is, I certainly have dealt with my fair share of nuts. I am now on an indefinite nut break… for my own sanity. It wouldn’t do for me to turn into a nut too!

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

A Goh-lden Oh-ldie [socs]

Stream of consciousness Saturday

Ohio and New York: that’s where my parents were born, Mom from the Midwest and Dad from the East Coast. They met in their 20s at Nationwide Insurance where they both worked. It not only was cool to date your coworkers back then ~ in fact, it was encouraged. Big companies sponsored social events to keep people happy and productive, friendly with their peers, and involved with their environment.

My father’s dating philosophy was very simple: find a pretty girl and take her to lunch.

That’s what he did, and they were engaged a mere two months later. Ooh! ❤️

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.