Tag Archives: dating

Feeeeeeeelings…

Cue Barry Manilow. I don’t trust feelings and here’s a nice quote from Goodreads for One-Liner Wednesday to sum up why:

In my otter poast today I said I wasn’t a fan of the feelings blurt. I don’t need the brutal truth about your feelings at all times… they’ll probably change anyway. Mine do, especially the most intense ones. Not all of them ~ I always love my children more than anything ~ but I often get angry and that passes. I know not to burst out at folks in the heat of rage. Also, I prefer not getting shot.

Back when I was on dating sites (barf), it had become trendy for men not merely to list “honesty” as one of their traits but to preface it with some adjective such as fierce or fearless or bold. πŸ™„πŸ™„πŸ™„ Yeah, that’s what I want, some tactless warrior to tell me when I look like crap.

But think about all the declarations of love and passion and forever everness that have been uttered by so many over the centuries only to fade away and die when one of them falls for someone new. Just transitory feelings, not to be trusted… give me some math. Numbers, data, facts. Those I like. Your feelings? Pffft. Clouds in a windy sky.

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Sunshine in Winter

I know it’s not quite winter yet, but brrrr.

Crushed Caramel (such a yummy name!) has nominated me for a Sunshine Award! Bunches of warm thanks, Mel! ❀️❀️❀️

My first task is to answer Mel’s questions:

1. IF YOU AND I WERE GOING TO DANCE TOGETHER – WHAT SONG WOULD IT BE TO?

– Hmm, I’m not much of a dancer, but I love oldies, so how about… the Beatles “Rock and Roll Music?”

2. HAVE YOU MADE ANY CONFESSIONS IN YOUR BLOGGING POSTS ABOUT MOMENTS OF MADNESS IN YOUR LIFE OR TIMES YOU WERE ALMOST IN TROUBLE WITH THE AUTHORITIES? (I know that some of my nominees have shared a long list of their confessions already, so please do pick the most outrageous!)

– I always obey the law (hi Stan), but I’ve had plenty of documented moments of madness aka “dating.”

3. WHAT IS THE MOST UNUSUAL OR MEMORABLE DISH YOU HAVE EVER EATEN?

– My parents along with a waiter coerced me to eat a snail when I was 11, and it was absolutely disgusting. My parents liked unusual things and I didn’t mind some of them, but you shouldn’t force people, especially children. Now my diet is pretty tame compared to back then.

4. ARE THERE CHARACTERS FROM ANY MOVIES OR NOVELS THAT YOUR FRIENDS COMPARE YOU TO?

– Not to my face.

5. ARE THERE ANY QUALITIES YOU ADMIRE IN OTHER PEOPLE AND WISH YOU HAD TO A GREATER EXTENT?

– I wish I were more assertive early on. My problem is that I’m too nice and too accommodating… for a while. Eventually I say no and draw a boundary line, which freaks some people out. I wish I would put the boundaries in place much sooner. But I don’t because I’m curious like a kitty. I like to test things out and see what might happen.

6. HAVE YOU ANY EXPERIENCE OF ACTING, SPEAKING, SINGING OR DANCING ON A STAGE?

– I’ve done stand-up comedy.

7. APART FROM REMOVING ANY PARTICULAR POLITICIANS, IS THERE ANY ISSUE OR PROBLEM IN THIS WORLD THAT YOU FEEL PASSIONATELY YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE?

– I wish we would stop destroying our oceans, mistreating dogs and cats, and ruining every experience with noise.

8. IF I WERE TO MAKE YOU YOUR DREAM CAKE – WHAT WOULD THAT CAKE BE?

– Lemon πŸ‹ cake with coconut frosting.

9. WHAT WOULD YOU LOVE TO SEE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPERS TOMORROW MORNING? (other than than any particular politician being abducted by aliens)

– US Prez and VP dead (not abducted cuz then they might be returned) of natural causes, like the flu, and Nancy Pelosi at the helm.

10. HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN INTERNET ROMANCE OR AN INTERNET CRUSH YOU WERE TO SHY TO CONFESS?

– Me, shy? Nope. If I have a crush, the internet is the first to know.

11. YOU ARE ON MY LIST OF NOMINEES BECAUSE YOU CONSISTENTLY MAKE YOUR POSTS INTERESTING, YOU ARE FULL OF PERSONALITY AND YOU SUPPORT THE BLOGGING COMMUNITY SO MUCH – BUT TELL ME, ARE YOU LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE?

I’m the same everywhere, except in real life I am (as stated above) sometimes squishy about saying no, which is actually an unkindness in the long run, since I will eventually find my iron will, and then things may not be fun.

Okay, now I’m supposed to write my own 11 questions and tag 11 bloggers, but as we know, these tags come here to die. There are loads of fun question poasts floating around Blogville though, so no one who wants one will be deprived.

Have a great Monday!

Rule of Three

Name three things (via Rory) –

That you cannot under any circumstances live without ?

– Hot shower, hot tea, internet connection

That you write about every week?

– How I don’t miss Facebook, how I don’t miss dating, how it’s so great I’ve moved on from things I’ve given up and don’t discuss them endlessly and forever like a boring person πŸ™„

That you wouldn’t recommend doing whilst holding one foot in the air?

– Meeting Queen Elizabeth, reciting your wedding vows, tickling a grouchy tiger

That you say to people every day?

– Just coffee, thanks, goodnight

To do with your street?

– Ugly, noisy, busy

That you can eat with brown sauce?

– Don’t know, what this, is

You like about your favourite bloggers?

– Funny, smart, creative

That you don’t eat every week?

– Frogs’ legs, chocolate covered ants, prairie oysters

That you wished you could eat every day?

– Guacamole from Avila’s, Cathy’s chocolate chip cookies, mangoes

About your favourite pair of shoes that you like?

– Comfy, black, moccasins

That annoyingly always arrive in three?

– Unexpected expenses, work stresses, social dramas

About books you really don’t like?

– Twin mixups, getting back with exes, main characters who must return to a small town to confront their demons…

Dare to Share [SYW]

Sparks has some new Share Your World questions for us…

1. If your five year old self woke up in your current body, what would happen, what would you say?

– What’s this kitty 🐱 doing here? I thought we loved puppies! Where’s the snow? Why is the ocean on that side?

2. What is a relationship deal breaker for you?Β Whether you are talking about a romantic one, a friendship, or a related to sort of relationship?

– I don’t have dealbreakers for my children; I will stand by them no matter what. I’m not in touch with other relatives. As far as friends, dealbreakers include racism, disloyalty, criminality, etc. For a romantic partner, the friend reqs would apply as well as a lot more. Romance dealbreakers include: smoking, lying, non-monogamy, disliking cats, allergic to cats, narcissism, selfishness, insanity, lack of mutual attraction, and just being an all-around stupid fucking idiot without regard for other people and animals. And BMW drivers, gahhh!

3. Is there something out there, a thought, an idea, a current event, or a fear that you find deeply unsettling?

– Rightwingism that wants to turn this country into some kind of whites-only women-as-incubators blond Jesusland.

4. If you were arrested with no explanation, what would your friends and family assume you had done?

– Killed a man. But he had it comin’!

5. What were you grateful for this week?Β  Something that brought some joy into your world?

– My wonderful daughters, as always. ❀️❀️

Attitude of Gratitude

To those who celebrate in the traditional way, or their own way, or who just feel like giving thanks, this emoji is for you. For those who don’t do any of that, I hope you have a good Thursday.

I have the expected thankfulness for my absolutely wonderful daughters, their awesome husbands, my adorable gbaby, my sweet kitty, my great friends, my good job and swell coworkers, this fab blogging community full of supportive writers and online camaraderie, my mediocre health cuz it could be worse, lol, etc.

But I also have another area of gratitude. Around two years ago I made one of the worst decisions of my life and forgave a toxic man, allowing him back into my heart, and he hurt me very badly. I had been in a good place before that and believed I was ready to trust and love again, but I was wrong (see my poast on stupid mistakes). I couldn’t handle the pain of loss.

This heartbreak messed me up for a very long time ~ pretty much all of last year was ruined ~ but I found a quote that helped me through it. I repeated this “mantra” often and highlighted it in my last book of poetry All She Wrote.

I snagged this from Goodreads, a great resource for quotes. Also, I love Mary Oliver. Love. ❀️

Anyway. After a while, I began to work with the darkness and pain; I used it to start writing again. At first, I wrote only from a place of despair, poetry about how I was mired in anguish, but last October an idea for an entire novel began to form in my mind and I started Ghosted for 2017 NaNoWriMo. I got to around 15K words and lost momentum.

This year I finished knitting together all the sad and angry pieces of poetry from hither and yon and put out my book on KDP. But Ghosted still lurked in my mind and I’m giving it another shot this NaNo ~ I’ve already added over 31K words to that 15K and I’m not nearly done. Of course there will be massive editing later. Lots of first draft slush is in this mess. But the point is…

…gratitude. I am now, two years past the initial heartbreak, which involved getting dumped/ghosted on Thanksgiving, able to look at the dark time as a gift. I have been extremely creative and productive lately, partly because I’ve been very selectively social, due to a need to shield myself from further distress. This has had the bonus benefit of freeing up more time for me to immerse myself in writing, which is my greatest joy (after family yada).

Onward! 🌟

Mean Genes [SOCS]

Meandering through the online dating world, starting in the fall of 2011, I was surprised to find so many mean-spirited men, supposedly looking for love. I wasn’t surprised by the truly angry guys because I knew they’d be out there ~ easy enough to give them a swerve. But out of the blue, some trollish dude would message me and criticize the glasses I wore in my photo or whatever thing. Just stupid, sarcastic stuff. Why? I mean, maybe that was a successful approach some of the time for them: start off with a critique to spur a meaningful convo. But I’d had enough criticism when married, so to me this was a misdemeanor from which there could be no recovery.

I prefer kindness and compliments, if you know what I mean. β€οΈπŸŒΉπŸ’‹

Page 62, Line 6

Idea via The Haunted Wordsmith: pick up a book, turn to page 62, copy line 6, and use that to inspire a poast. Naturally I am being naughty and copying more because it’s so interesting…

But they’re not an accident. In 2004, psychologist John Jones and his colleagues examined fifteen thousand public marriage records from Walker County, Georgia, and Liberty County, Florida. They found that, indeed, people more often get married to others with the same first letter of their first name than would be expected by chance.

This is from a book I’ve had in my desk for a long time: Incognito by David Eagleman. I keep meaning to finish it. Look at this cool thing above! A treasure for an OCDer like me.

The theory is that people like people who remind them of themselves (“implicit egotism”). There are more examples given besides the names, though of course I am suspicious of these Southern marriages. Why no studies of cold-climate spouses? How about Chicago or Minneapolis? I’m kidding. Of course people like people who are like themselves. If I want to play board games, I’m going to look for a kibbitz of nerds, not a slope of skiers. Sometimes they’re the same people, but mostly not.

I’ve dated a couple guys whose names started with P and that’s worked out as well as every other letter. Maybe I should start using a different alphabet. Any recs?

Tools [CFFC]

At first I thought I couldn’t participate in this photo challenge because I don’t have pics of any of those guys I dated.

But then I remembered the otter kind.

I had to buy this to install my license plates almost two years ago. That was the first time I ever did it, or bought a car by myself. I’ve always been terrified of doing things, maybe because my mommy didn’t think I was good at doing anything other than schoolwork, but as it turns out… all is fine.

This isn’t a diss at my mother. I love her and miss her every day. Especially today because I need to clean my ceiling fan light again and change one of the bulbs.

The Writing Vibe

The idea of community support is a mixed bag for me. I think of myself as a loner, a true introvert, and this is more and more true the older I get. When I was younger, my introversion was tempered by a desire to meet a romantic partner, so I did go out and about and talk to new people. 😝 But now I don’t haz to.

On the otter hand, I have a blog! And I’m active on Twitter. I email and text with peeps. I enjoy nurturing these friendships, and not just at a distance ~ a few times per month I like to get together with friends/family and hang out. So, I’m not a complete hermit crab then. But… more than a few times per month of hanging out makes me anxious and irritable. Must recharge alone again.

And then there’s NaNoWriMo. People have asked me (and it’s a reasonable question): if you can start writing on November 1 and get a bunch of words down, sometimes a whole novel’s worth in a month, why can’t you simply decide to do that at any point?

Ummmm. I don’t know. πŸ€ͺ

I could decide to do that. I have. But… nothing works as well as NaNo. Nothing jumpstarts me like the “magic” of knowing all these other writers around the world are gonna be writing their butts off all month too. It’s a massive planetary creative vibe zinging around the atmosphere, man.

Hope that clears things up.

So Empowered Now, RAWR! πŸ―

Thank the goddess I have been freed from the possibility of being a billionaire Mega Millions winner! I am just now discovering what a terrible burden that would have been.

First, you can’t just cash in your ticket like it was a hundred dollar winner. Oh no. You have to plan. Best to discreetly plop the thing in a safe deposit box and head over to a lawyer’s office to figure out how to stay as anonymous as possible after cashing it in. It’s not like you can go live in your normal unprotected house or apartment after your name hits the media. Are you nuts?

Second, I’d have to hire a bodyguard for Gatsby. 🐱 Everyone knows how much I love him, so he’d be an immediate catnapping target. I’d have to hire a second guard to keep an eye on the bodyguard. And a third one for the second one. Can’t trust anyone!

Third, all those relatives from back East who have forgotten I’m alive would suddenly remember. How fun that would be! Not. 😜

Fourth, I’d have to quit my job so I could deal with tax accountants and real estate investments and charitable contributions and such, but I actually like my job. And that would screw up my Social Security and 401K thingie. Annoying! πŸ™„

Fifth, all the handsome, eligible 50-something men who rejected me on dating sites because I’m not a fun buxom blonde ski bunny would suddenly decide I’m the most interesting woman in the world. How boring to have to crush their hopes one by one. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

Day after day, after all the newness settled down, I’d awaken in my luxury abode, work out in my home gym, get a massage from my personal masseuse, nosh on a delicious brunch prepared by my personal chef while gazing at the waves from my balcony… chat with my daughters who would also be living the dream… then I’d work on my novel while my rescue kitties scampered about (other people would be paid to clean up after them, natch)… have friends over later that night for board games and gourmet pizza made by my chef… it all would just be so samey same after a few decades ya know?

Like I said, I feel much more empowered now that I know my ticket was a big fat loser.