Tag Archives: dating

Water Off A Duck

ducks

Melanie has more questions! These are a la Dr. Tanya, who is taking a moving hiatus, but they aren’t Tanya’s questions. Melanie is simply nodding to the blogging about bloggers’ blogs theme that Tanya is famous for. Hope that’s clear…

How thick a skin do you need to be a blogger?

That depends on your goals. If you want to post about politics, sex, and/or religion (“PSR“), you’d better have a thick skin. There aren’t too many people who will take umbrage at cat photos or a discussion of romcoms, but if you announce that you’re an atheist, you’d best be prepared for all sorts of randos popping up to say you’re going to hell. People search on the PSR topics for the sole purpose of trolling; if you can’t shrug off criticism, avoid those subjects.

Personally, criticism from strangers rolls off me like water from a duck, but I no longer want to deal with it. I’ve been in flame forums, and my old blog tackled edgy topics, but I got tired of dealing with all that. It’s a big bore and I’d rather my blog interactions remain friendly.

Bitmoji happy record

“Bonus question”  How important is being understood?  (There are one or two bloggers here who put a great deal of time and effort into crafting their blog posts and I’ve heard them express dismay (disappointment) when people don’t necessarily “get” what they mean.  Also, if people don’t ‘say’ (comment) a lot about a particular post they’ve worked hard on.)

As I’ve said a zillion times, I don’t care about stats, number of likes, comments, etc., which is why I unlinked my blog from FB and Twitter. I care about my little blogging community though, and it’s nice to be understood by this group, which I generally am. I write clearly and keep my posts on the shorter side so people won’t feel that reading me is a chore.

It’s also important to break text up into smaller paragraphs, since many people are reading blogs on their phones.

bitmoji phone

If I’m misunderstood by one reader out of several, I’ll assume it’s the reader’s fault. But if I’m misunderstood by a few, I will take the blame for being unclear. That’s happened in the past when I jabbered on about dating sites. But have I mentioned in the last 5 minutes that I’m done with all that dating nonsense now? 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ110: Ace

FPQ fandango

Fandango provocatively asks…

How’s your sex life?

At first, I wasn’t going to answer because the answer is non-existent and Mr. F said he wanted more details (nosy!). Then I thought, OK, I can revert to form and go into a rant about dating, etc. But that’s so boring, not to mention depressing. Plus, almost 4 years have passed since my last date, and longer since my last sexual relationship, so it’s no longer relevant.

I consider myself asexual. I’ve lost interest in it all, and, more importantly, I’ve lost interest in trying to be interested. There was a time when I thought I should keep searching for Mr. Right (now) because, um, why? I don’t even remember why it was ever important to me. Probably a self-esteem thing, like it helped me feel good about myself when some random idiot found me sexy. Seems so stupid now.

Bitmoji shrug

The more time passes, the less interested I am. Maybe it is a “use it or lose it” thing, idk. It’s also age, hormones, and not feeling good physically. Well, the last two are still age-related, so maybe it’s just… I’m old! Now, before people start in, I understand that folks way older than 60 still have vibrant sex lives. That’s great! But I’m not them.

For me, the idea of sex was connected to love and foreverness. I disliked the casual way many men approached romance, and it was completely unappealing to simply engage in the physical act without any emotional connection and the possibility of a long-term relationship happening. I’ve done it, just to see, and it made me feel bad afterwards.

bitmoji life

I consider my loss of desire a blessing, tbh. Since I’ve given up the idea of finding someone, I’ve been much less stressed. I no longer have to worry about being attractive to whatever man stumbles onto my dating profile, nor do I have to live in fear of one of them stalking me in anger after I reject him (this has happened, and more than once). I have accepted that I’m not good at finding or maintaining a romantic relationship, and that’s that. It’s a big relief to be done with it all.

Sorry I didn’t have much to say about this topic. 😂

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Grateful Share

SYW

Melanie reached into the Odd Basket for her questions this week…

1. Have you ever ‘butt dialed” someone?  (‘butt dialed’ means have you ever made a phone call that you weren’t aware of making, because the buttons on the phone got pushed by your sitting on them (in your pocket) OR having something in your handbag press against them?)

Only once. I’d been on a dinner date with this guy about 10 years ago and we had a nice time (or so I thought). A couple days later we made plans for a second date, but that night I fell asleep while holding my phone. Apparently since he was the last one I’d spoken to, I “pillow dialed” his number in the night. The nothing call stayed connected for hours ~ he seemed to have picked up but not disconnected, which is odd too. Anyway, I texted him an apology, but he never responded and we didn’t meet again. Maybe I said something scary in my sleep? I will never know…

2. If you were given 1000 acres of land, what would you do with it?

Sell it. I don’t have enough cash to develop property.

Woman hat sunflower field summer

3. What’s the funniest thing you’ve seen on-line recently? 

Dunno about funny, but I just saw a very clever post on FB with celeb in photos at a young age interacting with their current self. Most “funny” things online are only mildly amusing meme rehashes…

4. Have you ever eaten something off the floor?  ‘5 second’ rule applies or not (the ‘5 second rule’ is that if you pick up the dropped food within a set time frame, it’s still ‘clean’ and you can safely eat it)?

Yep/I guess so.

5. Feel free to share your gratitude with everyone in the form of a quote, a thought or an image.

Since I forgot to schedule doctors for my month of lurve, I’ll express gratitude now for all the healers who have helped with my migraines and various other issues.

Rx prescription cats medicine drugs

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Aging & Math [PoiMe]

pointless meanderings

Something weird is happening to me as I approach the Big Birthday. I used to laugh off the angst people express about bday numbers… when I turned 40, I didn’t care at all. I looked way younger than my age, felt great, and wasn’t fussed a bit.

But then 50 came around. My big deal about turning 50, or so I told myself, wasn’t the number or how I looked (still okay), but how 50 would be perceived by Other People, namely men. At 50, I was still on dating sites and hoping to find my soul mate. It sounds so ridiculous now, but I was. I knew (because they said so) that men in my age range often cut off their search for women in the upper 40s. Even 60 year old men preferred women in their 40s.

I got extremely sick over the weekend of my 50th birthday. I thought it was because I had some ice cream with liquor that Friday night, but it was only an ounce or so and doesn’t explain throwing up for 24 hours. My daughters were taking care of me and were certain the 2-day sickness was a psychological reaction to turning 50. Nah, I said, that’s silly.

But over time I realized they were correct.

Even before I became a grandma, I began to feel old. Besides receiving dramatically less attention on dating sites, I felt achy and tired, increasingly so, and knew I was rapidly looking older. A few years later, I gave up dating completely, figuring that was the end of worrying about age.

Wrong.

I still think about it ~ a lot. Not because of my failure to find a soul mate but because of the whole retirement and death thing looming. While many people live into their 90s now, lots don’t. My parents didn’t. It’s not unreasonable to believe I may have less than 20 years of natural life left (assuming I don’t die much sooner in a dumb accident). That’s pretty daunting.

The mind works in strange ways. Mine keeps screwing up age-related math. I keep forgetting how long ago the 1980s were. It doesn’t seem right. The other day I posted that 1971 was 40 years ago. Today on FB, I couldn’t do the simplest math to find the number one song on my 21st birthday.

It’s really weird. When I’m not actively stressed about aging, I seem to be floating in a bubble of denial. I think I’m actually pretty upset about my birthday, which I’ve been thinking about a lot more than I want to. Might as well admit it. I do feel old. My body hurts all the time and I no longer look younger than my age.

Hopefully after the day passes I’ll be able to shrug off the number. Not looking for compliments, only mutual commiseration from other oldies.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Wackadoodle Time!

Bitmoji dizzy spin fall

Rory presents some crazy questions out of order, designed to drive me mad!

Question 7 — Does ‘methodical order and sequencing’ really matter?

Yes, always.

Question 3 — Given the choice, which historiographical era could you live in comfortably if you had to go back ‘in time’ and why do you think you could?

Summer of 2016 so I could avoid the bad sushi and the bad guy from POF.

Question 9 — What type of advertising really ticks you off as in – it doesn’t matter what the product is … because of the way it is actually advertised you become instantly annoyed and hostile with the medium? (This is NOT a political campaign question.)

Anything that doesn’t say what it is right upfront and instead tries to get you to click to some obnoxious video where they still don’t say.

Bitmoji anger rage flames

Question 83 — What topics or passions could you write freely and knowledgeably on for say 3000 words if you had to?

Bad guys from dating sites…

Question 2 — What could you NOT do for money – given the obvious – so this is not about harming yourself or harming or murdering others – so aside from that side of things – what could you not just do for cash?

Anything ooky like eating a snail.

Question 1 — When was the last time that you read something and it touched you in some deep dark way?

I don’t remember, but I just bought Stephen King’s Revival, so it’ll be imminent.

Question 101 — How did you murder that person and how did you get rid of the body?

Sliced him to ribbons with my devastating wit…

Ribbons

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

To Boldly Share…

SYW

Melanie starts the second week of February with a new set of Q’s…

Do you feel you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

It depends on your definition of “ask.” I look stuff up online all the time and like to have multiple legit sources for important things. I’ll ask questions at work in order to get my tasks done properly. And I love to jibber jabber with my daughters and SILs. But I am not a huge fan of random opinions on stuff that matters to me and I really don’t understand this bizarre thing some people do of throwing medical questions onto FB. I mean, wut? Are you really going to follow the advice of some rando? I guess I’m lucky because I have real doctors as friends…

When did you fail to speak up when you feel you should have?

Omg, a lot, I’m sorry to admit. I try to avoid confrontation and so I’ve kept silent at bad “jokes” and during other tense times, and this unfortunately includes sexual types of situations where I ended up doing things I didn’t want to. Add to file: the millions of reasons Paula has given up dating.

When was the last time you felt lucky?

Yesterday! I saw some family, finally! 💖🍀

What is a boulder?

How Brits spell bolder? 🤣

bitmoji perseverance

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Love Is In The Air

Bitmoji heart orbit love SYW

Rory has some great relationship questions for us today. I am going to respond to them for myself, not as advice. My experiences have informed my attitude toward this topic, so my answers will be unique to me. What works and doesn’t work for me probably has no bearing on anyone else’s situation. 😻

1. Do you think that ‘background checks’ should be more commonplace between couples who are dating and or those looking to marry or live with each other?

In my case, I would be extremely hesitant to proceed in any meaningful way with a man I didn’t know much about. I’m talking beyond finances into the realm of his relationships with other people ~ family, friends, coworkers. Is he negative toward a lot of these folks, blaming them for his lack of whatever? Major red flag! 🚩

2. Do you think love alone is enough to see people through everything?

Not if we’re defining love by fabulous sex, which I think is the major component of how many define it. If I don’t feel a strong sense of mutual respect, loyalty, and shared life goals with someone, “love” is definitely not enough.

heartbreak

3. What are your views on people getting married/living together too young – are you in total favour of that or not?

I have no opinion on what others do, as long as they are consenting adults. It might work out longterm for two 19 year olds, or not, same as two 39 year olds. Depends entirely on the people and their situation. I first lived with a guy at age 24 and that didn’t end well.

4. What do you think about people not getting to know their partners well enough – is it something that should be looked at more closely whilst you live apart or something that can be worked on when you are under the same roof together?

See my first answer wrt myself. I don’t want to find out that someone has a prison record on our honeymoon, but if you prefer mystery, go for it!

bitmoji shock

5. What are your views on couples who are teenage sweethearts and simply wish to get married and yet they have never sampled anything else of life, they have never had other partners and the list goes on … but they are willing to sacrifice their life for living with one person only believing they are the right person for them?

It’s fine. “Sampling” is overrated and is a euphemism for having sex with a lot of other people. In my case, I would do it all differently, if I could go back, so I certainly am not going to tell others they should sleep around! 😜

6. Finally, which is the best love ? The one we think is right or the the love that finds you by chance or the love we source out with intention?

The best love is the one who makes me feel loved and loving, is supportive and loyal (and I am too), and with whom I share life goals. We could meet via chance or intention… what difference does it make ultimately how it began as long as it ends with the right person by my side? 😍

That said, I have no hope of romantic love happening for me, which is a GOOD THING because hope has led me only to sadness and disappointment.

bitmoji sad balloons

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Flags [SOCS]

SOCS stream of consciousness saturday

I was dating a guy several years ago who believed many events were false flags. During our second date he told me some of his ideas. I’m not going to list any because I don’t want them connected to my blog, but they were the common ones we have seen in the news. As usual, I ignored these red flags and continued seeing him, telling myself I was being open minded. Also, he was super good looking. It’s funny though how that initial attraction can wane as other traits become more evident.

Luckily, it was only a matter of months before I was completely turned off due to the nutty things he said. I had bought him a gift for Father’s Day ~ a tee shirt with the snake and phrase from the Gadsden flag. Before I had a chance to give it to him, we had a big fight and broke up. For a while, I kept the shirt, thinking I would give it to someone else. But I didn’t know any other wackos. I decided to drop it at Goodwill, but as I took it to my car, I had second thoughts.

It’s simply wrong to encourage these harmful conspiracy theories and their symbols, even in small ways, so I flung the shirt in the trash bin, to sit in some landfill until it disintegrated back into the earth. Too bad the evil ideas don’t do the same.

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Kiss Failures

Mindlovemisery music challenge

I was going to post about “Kiss Me” from Sixpence (None the Richer), but I lost interest while reading about the band. Still love the song though ~ it’s very fun and pretty. Makes me feel like going on a fancy date, but then I remember… ugh dating.

So I began reading about the hard rock band KISS, but their shenanigans turned me off. Their song “I Was Made For Loving You” was in the movie Endless Love, which is a pretty awful flick, but I liked it back then. I wouldn’t like it today because I’m not interested in silly teenager obsessions. Give me adult obsessions, thanks.

Next, I thought hey what about “Kiss On My List?” I’m not the hugest H&O fan, but I do like that tune. I looked it up and someone had interpreted is as the kiss being on the list, somewhere, along with other things, not really romantic. Not really saying your kiss is the ONLY thing on my list or the FIRST thing. Meh.

Finally, I remembered our fish tank and how we had kissing gouramis, so I googled them, and it doesn’t seem like we would have had them because they need a really large tank, so I must have simply heard my mom talking about them as she bought our boring angelfish and neons. We had a few catfish at the bottom too, with colorful gravel and a pirate’s chest. That was back in New York. I don’t think we had any fish in New Jersey and for sure we didn’t have fish in Illinois. Too cold. Oh well. Kiss fail… story of my life.

Kissing gouramis

~*~

Written for Mindlovemisery 175.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ106 with a Bonus Rory Question!

FPQ fandango

 

Fandango provocatively asks…

In the context of blogging and writing, what do you think is more important: what you say or how you say it?

I assume most are going to say HOW, so I’m tempted to say WHAT, just to be contrary, but the truth is… I think they are equally important depending upon the nature of the post. 🙃

Forex, I will not follow bloggers who jabber nonsense about conspiracy theories or offer links to stupid YouTube rantings, no matter HOW they say it. I do not wish to engage with anyone who defends the twice-impeached former POTUS in any manner whatsoever. I’ve been unfollowing those who post lies about the recent US election or jumbled mutterings about dark forces. I don’t care how nicely they fling these turds, it is the WHAT that matters to me. Same goes for most idiotic conspiracy posts unless they’re totally silly or benign.

big mood bitmoji

But if we’re talking about creative fiction, then it’s the HOW that matters more than the WHAT. Many of us begin with the same prompt words or images and come up with vastly different interpretations because our creativity flows down different paths. The interesting aspect to me is HOW someone’s mind works to create a piece of fiction or poetry, not the subject matter so much.

When I write, I consider both aspects, more focused on WHAT I’m saying when I’m ranting about something (The Monday Peeve) and diving deeper into HOW I’m saying it when I’m creating a piece of fiction or poetry.

bitmoji plan

Bonus Related Question from Rory…

Is it more important to you to be a good blogger, or a community player or… what?

Ideally, they both would collide in a beautiful explosion of fame and money, but alas…

Here’s the thing. I call BS on anyone who says they’re only blogging for themselves. Then why write in public? Have a private blog or keep your thoughts locked in a Word document. Every blogger/Tweep/FB poster, etc. is hoping for an audience, though some are more attention-seeking than others. That said, I am okay with only a little bit of community engagement, and I will continue to post writing I enjoy even if it doesn’t get as many views/comments as other writing. But if I find that a type of writing gets ZERO engagement? I probably would discontinue it or seriously tweak it ~ in this case adjusting both the WHAT and the HOW to attract more views/comments. Otherwise, why bother writing in public? This is a huge reason why I became disenchanted with Twitter and Medium: little to no actual engagement.

bitmoji me

I found that my whining about dating and relationships generated a lot of views and engagement. But was it “good bloggery?” I decided it wasn’t. I grew uncomfortable with those posts and have discontinued them, even deleting some of the whinier ones from the blog altogether. (Yes, I know people who received them in email may still have them, etc.) I kept the best dating stories however and gave them their own page.

So in that case, the community engagement was a negative, especially when people gave me unsolicited advice about how to be “better” on dating sites as if the problem was me and not the sites themselves with their scam accounts, liars, cheaters, and overall creepy men. It didn’t matter HOW I wrote about this stuff because people gravitated to the WHAT and responded by trying to “fix Paula’s issues” instead of giving me the commiseration I sought. When I find a particular subject matter isn’t working for me, I avoid it in the future.

Hope that clears things up!

bitmoji relax

~*~

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.