Tag Archives: dating

Hello, It’s Me

As Rory continues to amass his dossiers on us, I for one am happy to provide loads of juicy info for his future blackmail schemes. How about you?

Secret agents

1. What makes you laugh, as in really laugh hard?

Unexpected humor is the best. I love to be caught off-guard by someone making a wordplay in the middle of a conversation. That just cracks me up, especially if it pulls in a layered reference to a past event. I can be moved to tears by verbal silliness. One thing I particularly enjoy (though it isn’t spontaneous) is parody. When I watched this video the other day for the first time, I was literally LMAO!

2. What makes you really angry?

What doesn’t? That would be a shorter list. Idiots who blow through red lights and go way over the speed limit. Tailgaters. People who abuse children and pets. Racism and antisemitism. Leaf blowers. Litterbugs. Any repetitive beeping sound wtfff shut up!!!

People who refuse to take responsibility for their own feelings. Blamers, whiners, and bullies. Sulkers and pouters. But also those who scream endlessly. Stalkers. Narcissists. Compulsive liars. Yes, I could have just said men on dating sites. 🙄

3. Who knows you the best?

My daughters probably know me best of all, but no one knows the real me. There’s a blogger (inactive now) whom I’ve never met in person, but when we were hanging out online she was great at understanding what I meant. I sometimes write obscurely and she would translate for the masses. (I’m better at writing clearly than I used to be.) My ex-husband also could translate my thoughts for me way back when. It’s nice to feel understood, without having to explain 27 different ways before someone goes “oh I see,” and then you wonder if they’re just being polite. These two somehow tapped into the way my mind worked regarding conceptual thought, and that was very cool.

But that’s just one aspect of a person, how they think about concepts. It’s important, granted, but there are other things, needs, values, dreams, goals, humor, etc. I used to be more “branded” with stuff like cupcakes and shoes and favorite novels and ways of expressing myself, so that it was easier for people to predict what I might say. But I became too bored with all that, even if it’s ideal for an online presence. Some people know a few facets of me well, and a few (my daughters) know many… but there are some no one knows, maybe not even me.

Eye behind camera lens with chess pieces

~*~

Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Rory’s Really You S1G3

Images from Happy Color and Pixabay

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

More About Meeee

It me bitmoji

Rory continues his Really You game with a second round of questions today…

1. Do you hoard clutter or constantly de-clutter?

As Melanie noted, clutter and hoarding are two separate things, though of course one can be a hoarder with a cluttered house. My mother, forex, was extremely neat and clean, and her homes were always free of dust and clutter, but she did hoard some weird stuff in the back of the closets. Some men I’ve known have been messy with a lot of clutter around, but I wouldn’t call them hoarders. They’re just too busy or lazy to clean up. I’ve also known messy hoarders who would literally freak out at the idea of tossing away any of their precious garbage. Ughhh. Impossible to date these people. Can’t even imagine what would happen if two of ’em ended up together… 😱

As far as me, I am neither a clutterer nor a hoarder ~ in fact, I’m notorious for throwing things away. That’s how I relieve stress. Delete delete delete! Ahhhh… Right now, I’m in the process of moving and have tossed a ton of things away and also have donated some stuff to Goodwill. It makes me feel fantastic to lighten up! I only wish I could afford to dump everything and start over completely! Well, not everything. I do have some sentimental attachment to photo albums and books, etc. But clothing and furniture and useless knickknacks bought on a whim? Meh.

Love empty clean space…

Empty clean room hardwood floor

2. Do you enjoy cooking – if so what is your ‘special dish’  and if not what is the dish you wish you could create?

This is a complicated question. I loved cooking when I was young, but it was also a form of control for me. I wanted to know exactly what I was eating and how much in order to count calories. Later, I lightened up about that, but at the same time became more adept in estimating the calories in restaurant foods (pro-tip: always higher than you imagine), plus there are a zillion guides and charts now. I was happy to cook for my family and figure out ways to create meals we could all enjoy. I never forced anyone to eat anything they disliked cuz I hate when people do that to me.

But now I’m alone. It’s not fun to cook for myself and have to clean up a sink full of dishes after. I dislike buying in quantities I know will go to waste, eat the same meal 5 times, or freeze it in blobs. Occasionally, I’ll make something for a potluck, but with so many people now vegan or gluten-free or paleo… meh. It’s just easier to stop at the store for a fruit bowl or whatever. I keep careful track of my finances, and I’m not spending more now that I’ve quit bothering to cook for myself.

When I was dating (barf), I thought it would be romantic to cook with someone, but things never progressed to that point. I kept running into these man-babies who were looking to be coddled and nurtured by having someone prepare hot meals for them when they came over. Welp… I work full-time same as they do. I am totally not into slaving away over a stove for some dude while he watches the game. It’s not 1950, hello!

June Cleavage costume cherry pie

3. What are we likely to find in your condiment cupboard?

I just threw everything away! 🤣🤣🤣

~*~

Rory’s Question Fun Directory

Image credit to the Bitmoji app, Google, and Amazon.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Gone Nuts, Back Soon

Nuts are supposed to be good for you, but trust me when I say I’ve gone way past my RDA. That would be my Recommended Dating Allowance, btw. What were you thinking? Yep, my five-year foray around the dating sites produced quite the variety of mixed nuts, some saltier than others, some spicy, others honey-coated… but in the end… all nuts, every last one. Nuttier than a fruitcake, if you put them all in a room together, which is something I would not recommend. Yes, I realize there must be something I do to attract all these nuts, or maybe I have some naturally occurring nut magnetism. Whatever it is, I certainly have dealt with my fair share of nuts. I am now on an indefinite nut break… for my own sanity. It wouldn’t do for me to turn into a nut too!

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

A Goh-lden Oh-ldie [socs]

Stream of consciousness Saturday

Ohio and New York: that’s where my parents were born, Mom from the Midwest and Dad from the East Coast. They met in their 20s at Nationwide Insurance where they both worked. It not only was cool to date your coworkers back then ~ in fact, it was encouraged. Big companies sponsored social events to keep people happy and productive, friendly with their peers, and involved with their environment.

My father’s dating philosophy was very simple: find a pretty girl and take her to lunch.

That’s what he did, and they were engaged a mere two months later. Ooh! ❤️

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF20: Lizard Dream

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! These posts are inspired by Fandango’s Friday Flashbacks… guess I should have been saying this all along. My bad! Anyway, this FF today was posted way the hell back on October 22, 2011, when I’d just begun dating for reals after splitting with the guy who didn’t leave his wife. Shocking that my subconscious would be dredging up reptiles to torment me with, eh?

Lizard Dream

So I was driving around/through a congested area and decided I would get out, go beyond the town, even though that meant I wouldn’t be doing what I needed to do, didn’t care, I took off. The paved road ended and I was driving over sand, bumps, potholes, very fast, couldn’t be good for my car. The “road” was narrow and I saw a truck coming the other way, so I pulled over into the non-road area, cut the engine, decided to walk for a while with my blanket wrapped around me. Note: it wasn’t my green slanket, but my white regular blanket. Last night before going to bed, I spilled tea all over my slanket and left it on the floor to be washed today.

After I walked for a bit, I turned around and saw that the truck had stopped and people were looking at my car, so I went back. A little boy was putting stickers on my car. What are you doing, I asked? Oh, it was just Star Trek stuff. That was OK in my dream. On the rear window he had put a big poster (same one people have been sharing on Facebook last 24 hours).

Then a man said, don’t step back. What? I looked down. A giant pink and yellow snake was crawling right next to my left foot. Then it bit me on the ankle, tangled itself around my leg. I shook it off. It wasn’t a snake, but a lizard. It started to crawl away, then returned, kept trying to bite me. I ran to my car, but it jumped in first. Then the man said, Dan, get out of there. I didn’t know if he meant the boy or the lizard, but the lizard seemed to listen and got right out.

I woke up crying because it was all so scary. Big pink and yellow lizard!!

Last night I had a date at a cool place, listened to music, had good conversation, etc. Turns out I can drink one glass of chardonnay without getting beastly sick, which is nice to know. But on the way back, I got really confused, as I do, on how to get to the freeway. First, everything here is “under construction” all the time, which is strange since supposedly California is completely broke. Where is all this construction money coming from? Second, they put up a bunch of detour signs and barricades that make no sense, especially in the dark, and I always have trouble with that kind of stuff. But as it turns out I think I did this right, not sure. Anyway, I followed the detour signs, which made me go down a long, dark, bumpy road for quite a while until I hit the next freeway entrance. So maybe that inspired the dream.

In any case, life continues to be more interesting and less stressful than it was previously. No regrets.

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Questions from Carol Anne

Autumn leaves

My lovely friend Carol Anne has given me some questions. They’re associated with her Liebster Award. Congrats on your award, Carol Anne, and thanks for thinking of me! 💖

My 11 questions to you my nominees are:

1. Can you swim?

I know the basics, but I’m not a strong swimmer, and frankly I prefer to stay on land and gaze out at the beautiful waves.

2. Pepsi or coke?

Coke, please.

3. Snail mail or email?

Email is less wasteful.

4. Do you enjoy traveling?

No. Shocking, I realize. Everyone loves to travel, right? Well, I do enjoy experiencing new sights, attractions, nature, etc., but the expense and inconvenience make it a net negative for me. Travel is very costly unless you go by car, split the cost of gas, have people to put you up at your destination, yada. Or go camping, lol. Then there are all the migraine triggers for me that happen from noise, light, discomfort, etc. Also, there is my ongoing back/neck pain. Not to mention I don’t like leaving my kitty for more than a couple nights because I miss him too much! 🐱❤️

5. Snow or rain?

I’m from the East and honestly I miss the idea of snow but not the reality of it. Snow is beautiful and fun, if you don’t have to be anywhere and can bundle up and take a lovely walk. Rain can be romantic if you’re snuggled indoors with your sweetie, or a kitty and a good book, but again not if you have to drive in it. Since I’m in California, land of perpetual drought, I welcome any and all precipitation! Of course, we always get the “wrong” kind, in the “wrong” place, so they tell us the drought goes on…

6. What is one of your favourite quotes?

Life is short; eat dessert first. 🧁

7. Are you a glass half full or glass half empty sorta person?

Depends on the day.

8. What is your favourite flower?

Sunflower. Or tulips!🌷

9. If you could give your younger self some advice what would you say?

Go to Northwestern (in high school)! Stop dating insane men (in the 1980s). Buy tech stocks (in the 1990s)! Sell the tech stocks (before the crash). STOP DATING INSANE MEN. 🙄

10. If you had one superpower what would it be?

Repelling insane men.

11. Favourite book?

The Unbearable Lightness of Being by Milan Kundera. Tied for second place: Where I’m Calling From (short stories by Raymond Carver) and Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman (short stories by Haruki Murakami).

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Autumn Memory

Tea leaves

Eight years ago, in early October, I broke up with the guy I’d been seeing for a couple of years. My divorce had been finalized in July and I wanted my freedom.

I’m not a good breaker-upper. The truth is there was a perfectly legitimate reason to dump this dude: he had been lying all along about leaving his wife (as they do). But I didn’t want to have another one of those twisty conversations, so I’d been picking fights instead. My moods careened from anger back to passion to barely being able to tolerate him.

I should have ended things when they were still good, so my last memories of our times together could have been warm and joyful. But I never do that. I wait until everything is curdled and awful, then I light it on fire.

I don’t regret leaving him, but I always thought I’d find someone else. Maybe I still will… you never know… 🍂

~*~

Laura’s October Challenge (Day 3)

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ41: Perfectly Tense

FPQ

Fandango provocatively asks…

“So this week’s question is for you to discuss what you think about Zadie Smith’s quote. Do you believe that the past is always tense, the future perfect?”

I suggest you visit Fandango’s link to get the full sense of what he’s on about before you try to make sense of my jabber, but do as you will. Obviously, I am going to speak only to my limited experience on this.

In most cases, I believe people engage in a cognitive dissonance regarding their past. Well, let me back up. A disclaimer: Memory is notoriously unreliable. Even our short-term memories can be wrongola, so the idea that we can accurately remember what happened decades back and make judgments from there? Pffft. Let’s get that out of the way. Okay then.

Do I believe the past is always tense? Well, no! That’s silly. Some people say they had wonderful childhoods. Others have had or are currently in long, happy relationships. These people may or may not be optimistic regarding the future, depending upon a whole bunch of factors, including their individual personalities. That married man I was with for 2.5 years was a “glory days” guy, always telling stories of how much fun he’d had back when, and how the future would never measure up. Always nice to hear, amirite? 🙄

I’m somewhere in the middle, as usual. I had an okay childhood, not great, not awful. I recognize that my memories might be inaccurate and there is no one around to verify anything with. I accept responsibility for my part in failed relationships as an adult, which mostly connects to choosing the wrong men and then doubling down. [Note to self: Don’t do that.]

I’m kinda gloomy about the future, I admit. Maybe it’s a function of where I live, but I see people working their butts off and just getting nowhere. Is this happening in “the heartland” as well as on the coasts? You work a normal full-time job, plus maybe do some part-time work too, and can barely afford to rent an apartment? Forget ever buying a house unless Grandma leaves you one or you win the lottery. Maybe you save and save and can buy something with a group of others, but that’s not exactly “the American dream,” to live like a college student decade after decade.

Okay, so Fandango’s post was more about learning from your mistakes in order to create a perfect future. How realistic is that though? I’ll be 60 in 1.5 years. I understand I could have done many things better, but those chances are gone. I can’t redo where I went to college (passed on Northwestern and UCLA like a freaking idiot). I can’t improve my relationship with my parents because they’re both dead. I can’t make it 1995 again and fix my marriage with what I know now.

Learning is great, but opportunities do not stay available forever. Times change, the dogs bark, the caravan moves on. 🐶

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Little Blue Bear [socs]

Beanie Baby America

I have a little blue bear on my desk at work. He’s a Ty beanie baby named America and I bought him when he came out after 9/11, which was shortly after I began working here (I’m writing this Friday lunchtime and will schedule it to post Saturday morning). On the left side of his tag it says that 100% of the profits from the purchase of the bear will go to Red Cross Disaster Relief. On the right side it says: “In memory of those who lost their lives in the national catastrophe that took place on September 11, 2001. We mourn for them and express our deepest sympathy to their families. God Bless America.”

A lot has changed in 18 years. My parents have both passed on. I’m divorced. My two daughters both graduated college and have gotten married. One of them has a baby, which magically makes me a grandma. I’ve moved five times. I had a relationship with a married man for two and a half years. If you believe in “bad karma,” then this gave me mine and I’ve been unable to have a happy/successful romance since. I also had a couple minor car accidents, which were horribly upsetting at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad really.

In these 18 years, I’ve been a flame warrior on Usenet, made enemies and turned them into Facebook “friends,” and since I quit FB most of them have forgotten my existence again. Perhaps that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Friendster and Twitter and Snapchat and G+ and other “social sites” too dark and dirty to mention here. I’ve experimented with different lifestyles to see if they were for me (no), and they’ve greatly enriched my fiction and poetry writing.

I’ve written a lot during these years. So so much. Poetry, novels, short stories. Zillions of blog posts and tweets. Loads of emails and texts. Have had interesting text chats with many men that I thought might “go somewhere,” but they didn’t and here I am alone, which isn’t a bad thing after all. I’m not sure anyone could really put up with me now… and vice versa.

I find that as I trudge toward my seventh decade I’m more or less the same person I was at age 14. I like to read romance novels and write poetry. I love games and puzzles, kittens and puppies, cookies and pizza. I’m not a sophisticated adult type person with advanced tastes in wine and music. Give me rock & roll and mac & cheese, woo! I’m a homebody and enjoy simple comforts. A hot shower is bliss. As I age, I’ve learned that I get more easily stressed out by other people, so I have to limit my interactions with them.

But through all this, I’ve had a good job, where I’ve been treated well. And every work day, little blue bear has been there to greet me, no matter what else is going on. I am grateful/thankful for my job and for my side work too… and for my book sales even though I wish there were more. (I’ll keep writing regardless.) When I began this post, I assumed at some point I’d say something political, but really there’s no need.❤️🧁💙

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Fun Challenge: Grocery List

Grocery list

Shocking right? What a mess! Welp, I don’t keep it neatly on my phone like the Bag Lady does. I grab any piece of paper and start scribbling as I think of things, using whichever writing implement hasn’t been batted under the fridge by the kitty. I also write in code that even I sometimes have trouble deciphering later.

S&C is shampoo and conditioner, obviously. Lysol wipes, coffee, tissue, green beans, and… guam? Yes, apparently I’m picking up Guam this weekend. Hope they have it at Von’s and it’s not over my credit card limit.

Dunno why I wrote my beverages as an outline, though of course Diet Coke is the most important one. Don’t worry, haters! I’ve reserved lots of comments so you can rant about the evils of diet soda. Please do go on. Now, in your corner is a recent study correlating diet soda to early death… but also regular (sugary) soda is linked as well. Soda is bad, mmkay? Always remember though: correlation is not causation.

Also, if you didn’t know… milk is bad (fat). Juice is bad (sugar). Booze is bad (duh). And even water is bad ~ polluted and full of micro-plastics and hormones and fluoride, which now has been proven to lower IQ. OMG, the wackadoos were right! What else have they been right about? Maybe the earth is flat! Maybe we didn’t go to the moon! Maybe Elvis is still alive! The possibilities are endless…

What can we drink then? Conservatives have liberal tears slurped up through plastic straws, but what about the rest of us? Personally, I alternate my Diet Coke with Bai and Snapple (both also diet) until it’s cold (under 70 degrees F), at which point I’ll switch mainly to hot black tea with a splash of milk. Generally, I’ll have one large cup of coffee per day. Mm, hot drinks coming soon. September is annoying because of this heat forcing me to drink so many cold things. Hurry up autumn!

I’ve been out of avos for days, which is so sad (maybe I was crying when I wrote it down, hence the blur?). Avocados are my favorite food and I like to have one a day when I can. I’ve been known to have an avo for breakfast. Just plain, with salt. I’m not a fancy person.

This is also why I don’t date anymore ~ who would want to have a relationship with someone that eats avocados for breakfast? Besides a raccoon… 🥑

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.