Tag Archives: dating

Newbie No More

Happy balloons

I was such a newbie, pinning my hopes for lurve on the crazy world of dating sites. What did I know? Pffft! It seemed like a good idea at the time. Make a profile, enter some wishy washy characteristics of my dream dude… and then sit back and wait for the magical messages to arrive dinging at my desktop.

Or not. It was like searching for a lost green button in a field of grass… and trying to avoid stepping on any venomous snakes in the process. You’d think after a few years of doing this, my technique would improve to the point where I could just cruise onto a site, disregard the scammers and psychos, and easily find a cool guy to chat with and meet.

Alas no. In fact, the news now is that the sites are so filled with con artists and bad guys that it’s too scary to even contemplate clicking on one at all! It’s harder than ever to figure out who’s legit, and if you start out being suspicious of everyone, how can you act fun and flirtatious? Blerghhhhh.

I think it’s good to check in every once in a while and decide yet again to continue my hiatus from the madness. Naturally, I share this with my readers, especially when I can shovel in all the prompt words. 😀

Sad balloons

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ30: The Whole Truth

Fandango provocatively asks…

“With everything that’s going on these days about what truth is and what facts are, do you believe truth and facts are synonymous, or do you concur with Faulkner that they have nothing to do with each other? And most important, does it even matter anymore?”

First, wow, I can’t believe we’re on number 30 already! And he may have skipped a week in there. Time flies like a banana 🍌, or something.

Second, I’m not going to answer this question in the context of politics because politicians suck. They’re all lying liars and the news is all slanted and hypocritical, so eff all that. (This doesn’t mean I’m going to give up and not vote, or write in Mickey Mouse, or anything like that. I’ll vote Dem across the board, knowing that nothing will probably change now, except for the worse, and so be it.)

Third, regarding the question… I apply it to the personal realm. Truth and facts are not synonymous, though they are related. And they do matter, very much. So much that I gave up dating because I could not trust men to tell the truth about anything (yes, I understand that women lie too, but I wasn’t dating them).

When I talk about truth, I’m talking about the collection of facts that complete a story. I will give an example.

Him: “I’m busy this weekend.”

Me: “Oh, that’s a bummer. I’ll miss you.”

Him: “I’ll miss you too, but I promised to help my mom with some stuff around her house. She can’t do all the things she used to. Her lawn is a mess and she has some virus on her computer. I’m not looking forward to driving two hundred miles and back.”

Me: “You’re a good son.”

Him: “Thanks!”

All the things he said were facts about his mom. They could even be verified if I called her (which I wouldn’t). But the story was in fact false. How can that be? He drove the 200 miles and helped his mother, and then he drove back.

But the story was incomplete. After he helped his mother and she made dinner for them, he went out for drinks with his old girlfriend who was in town that weekend. He spent the night with her before driving back on Sunday. So, while the facts he told me were all true, the story was false since it was incomplete.

That’s how they are. And if you don’t trust every word they say, then you have “issues” and are “paranoid.”

Mmhmm.

PS: The above scenario is fictional because the ones from my actual life are too complicated and ridiculous for a blog post, plus make me look bad.

PFF2: Crabby Book Review

Welcome to the second edition of Paula’s Friday Flashback! For this one, I present a crabby book review I wrote on June 14, 2013. What makes this funny (to me) is that just yesterday I was defending the entire romance novel genre from that twit Nicholas Sparks, but here 6 years ago I was disgusted with it myself! Hah. That’s probably because I was dating back then and trying desperately to blame my poor choices on anything other than my own bad judgment. Oh, it must be because I was overly influenced by romance novels. Sure, Jan.

Or maybe I’m just inconsistent. Whatever!

*

Animal Attraction

By Jill Shalvis. I gave this book a 2-star rating (“it was okay”) on Goodreads even though I enjoyed it for the most part, but I’ve given better books a 3-star, and I want to have some sense of fairness in my ratings.

As I thought objectively about AA, and disregarded the fact that I ripped through it because it was fun and sexy and had a kitty (and lots of other aminals too ~ hero Dell was a vet), I realized it had one of the Fatal Flaws of romance novel writing. The “plot,” such as it was, hinged on the premise that there was an End Date looming, a date at which our heroine Jade absolutely had to leave Sunshine, Idaho and return home to Chicago, therefore preventing Jade and Dell from becoming emotionally entangled, which they would resist in any case since Dell was one of those emotionally unavailable kind of guys we all break our hearts over in real life though in RNs they always become available which upfucks the brains of women who read these STUPID BOOKS but I digress, and they both knew this. (Of course Jade tried not to become physically involved with him either, but that didn’t work. Obviously.)

But as it turned out the End Date was totally arbitrary ~ Jade didn’t have to leave. She had made a promise to her family she’d come home, mostly because they’d been nagging her unreasonably, and since she was a 30 year old woman, it would have been totally acceptable, if not downright advisable, for her to tell them, dudes, I found a good job, a cool apartment, and a great boyfriend here in Idaho, so BACK OFF, I’m staying indefinitely. And so basically there was no plot if you discount this made up out of thin air date. If you do discount the date, then the whole story becomes this whiny thing of ermahgerd I gotta go, can’t let myself fall for hunkyvet, and him thinking why must she go, everyone abandons me just like mommy. Bleh.

Plus there were sloppy POV switches within scenes (annoying and unforgivable!) and missing quotation marks, super-distracting. Upside, the dialog was great and witty, and there were fun minor characters. Shalvis has a ton of books available and I can tell from the blurbs and reviews (however positive) that they’re all gonna be about the same. But one was enough for me.

~*~

Check out Fandango’s FF, where this whole idea originated. It’s all his fault! 😂

FPQ27: Where’d My Fandango?

Fandango provocatively asks…

“If you could choose one — and only one — particular malady, condition, or disease for which a safe and effective treatment was available, what one condition would you choose to treat and why is that your choice?”

I choose to eliminate Alzheimer’s. It not only steals any joy and dignity from the patient’s final years, but it’s such an awful burden in every way on their loved ones. It’s better to die of cancer or heart disease imo than to waste away from this hideous mind-melter.

My mother’s death was a shocking tragedy because no one expected this vibrant person to get suddenly diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, but she was 75. I guess that isn’t really so shocking to someone outside the family. We all just assumed she would live much longer. But as awful as that was, at least it was over quickly.

My father however spent around a dozen years fading away as his once formidable brainpower weakened from dementia. His memory and thoughts became jumbled, and he reacted with confusion and anger. He became susceptible to every con artist that knocked on the door (and those evil assholes know to prey on the senior community). After my mom passed, he immediately jumped into a new romance, asking a woman to marry him after dating for only a couple months. (She said no.) Then he began getting lost and needing more care, often forgetting who people were, and which ones were still alive.

It was so hard on all of us. I hope hope hope I do not burden my children with this horror! Just shoot me.

No, not yet. 😜

Another Award! 🤩

A big bouquet 💐 of thanks goes out to Tanya of Salted Caramel for nominating me for this award! Very lovely of her to think of me. I enjoy her blog as well.💖

Now I’m to talk about how my blog began. As I’ve mentioned, this isn’t my first blog; that one started way back in 2003 or so, simply because other writers had one. Yep, I’m a follower, not a leader. My posts were snarky and intended to start arguments in order to generate traffic, which they did, but it was still low compared to the hot blogs at the time. Back then, I was obsessed with stats.

But I got hoisted by my own petard, as they say. (Do they actually say that? And what is a petard anyway?) Long story short, I ended up in an huge kerfuffle over pit bulls, of all things, and my comments got hacked… it was quite a mess.

I don’t like mess. What I generally do when things get messy, ugly, yucky, or in any way unpleasant, is GTFO. And Ultrablog was no exception. I archived and deleted it.

A while later, I began a second blog. This one was incredibly boring. Deliberately so. I posted only about cats, cupcakes, and shoes ~ in fact, that was the name of the blog. But I did have a private one where I posted more personal things and invited selected readers whom I trusted.

After my mom died, the private blog had pretty much served its purpose, and I was bored with CC&S. So, I began Light Motifs on Blogger. I held the WordPress address just in case… and then it turned out I wanted to switch over in 2009 due to some annoyances with Blogger.

Back then, I posted infrequently compared to now, maybe a few times per week. I’d post song lyrics and other people’s poetry, book reviews and excerpts, etc. It was all regarding my emotional state at the time, which was a mix of hope and despair over a romance. After that ended and I went onto dating sites, this blog became a pit of bitching about that. I went through several cycles of deleting those posts, which is why the years between 2012-2017 have giant gaps in them.

Since I’ve quit dating and facebooking, I’ve not deleted any posts here. I’m more mindful of what I write in the first place, which is my first piece of advice to new bloggers (we’re supposed to give two bits of advice in this award post). Even if you don’t have many followers yet, try to keep in mind that your posts are public and envision an audience when you write. Make each post the best it can be, and give something of yourself to your audience, whether it’s a personal anecdote or an original creative writing or photo. Don’t just link to another site without comment. That’s no fun. 😢

And for heaven’s sake, never mention pit bulls! 😱🐶🤯

I’ll stop here because I don’t like to tag people for awards. I hereby nominate all my recent commenters for this one ~ you’re recognized! Grab the award and make a post. G’wan… don’t be shy! 😀

A Kitty Tail [300 words]

Once upon a time there was a silly divorcée.

She was in love with a selfish man who failed to return her affections.

People told her the BMW/porcupine joke, but she didn’t listen until it was too late.

She was sad.

But she decided she’d venture into the land of dating sites and find someone new.

She tried various sites and profiles, as you do…

But things just went from bad to worse. Liars and con artists and creeps, oh my.

Finally, the silly divorcée’s daughters decided to get involved.

They decided that their mom needed a kitty to absorb her time and attention. Older sister sent younger sister to help Mom pick a kitty so Mom wouldn’t get confused.

The silly divorcée wanted all the kitties! Each kitty was so adorable she couldn’t decide which one to choose.

But younger sister, being perceptive (just like her older sister), figured out which adorable kitty was the perfect match for her silly mommy. She urged her mom to adopt a sweet grey and white 6-month old little baby boy kitty.

And Silly Mommy did!

That was 7.5 years ago today! And if you haven’t figured it out yet, I’m the silly mom in the story, and Gatsby is the kitty! While the tale/tail is somewhat fictionalized, some things are true, such as the BMW and the fact that my daughter and I adopted Gatsby from the Orange County Animal Shelter on December 8, 2011. Partly it was to make me feel better after losing my beloved Cocoa earlier that year and also I had just broken up with BMW guy.

Since we don’t know G’s exact birthday, we decided to celebrate it on June 8! Today he is 8 years old! ❤️🎉🐱

He’s absolutely thrilled, as anyone can see.

In Other Words, compliment…

“They” say you’re supposed to ask for what you need,

But whenever I did, the excuse train came chugging down the track;

“They” say you’re supposed to model what you desire,

So I gave praise and said sweet nothings,

But I never heard a single compliment back.

~*~

Prompt from Patricia

Surprised by Stats

As I’ve said, I don’t obsess over stats, here or on Twitter. If I did, I’d drive myself (more) bonkers. But I do find certain things peculiar.

Forex, I’ve been steadily and slowly gaining blog followers, which is nice (waves to new peeps, who probably aren’t reading), but yet my views have decreased. Is that not odd? I find that odd. More followers should mean more views, one would think. Luckily, I do not monetize my blog, so I won’t be losing any advertising pennies over this. Hurrah!

I never go granular and try to figure out when the best time is to post to get the most views because… I simply can’t be bothered. I try to remember to spread out my posts a little, except when I forget and just hit publish instead of schedule for later. Oopsy.

Some posts get 20 likes and others get 50. Why? Who knows! Is it because a post is especially “good” that it gets more likes, or has a more eye-catching photo attached? Idk. I’m as surprised as what people like and don’t like here in Blogville as I was back in the murky, scaryland of dating sites.

But, as has been noted many times by me and others, liking often has little to do with the content of a post, amirite? Bloggers power through their feeds when the mood strikes, mass-liking stuff without reading any of it. We can tell, can’t we? It’s only a group of us who regularly read each other’s work, plus some occasional drop-ins.

Monday I wrote a poem on Twitter that now has 42 likes, which is nothing for that place, but a lot for me. Usually my poems there are lucky to get 4-5 likes. Why did that one get 10x more? Who knows?!

Sevenling (Ten years ago)

Sevenling (Ten years ago)

Ten years ago, I became free
to party, drink, dance, and swing,
and do any fun thing that I pleased.

I found a world filled with scary
mean liars, stalkers, and creeps,
narcissists looking to feed.

Now I stay home with my cat.

~*~

The elements of the Sevenling are:
1. a heptastich, a poem in 7 lines made up of 2 tercets followed by a single line. metered at the discretion of the poet.
2. unrhymed.
4. composed with 3 complimentary images in the first tercet and 3 parallel images in the second tercet. The end line is a juxtaposed summary of the 2 parallels, a sort of “punchline”.
5. the poem should be titled “Sevenling: (first few words of poem).

Sevenling poetry first seen by me at Kat’s.

Shish Ke Babble [flash 145]

“Hi, Lisa,” Mark said as he sat down at the picnic table. “We meet at last. I’m so glad. I’ve heard a lot about you, all of it awesome!”

Lisa shrugged. “Not to be rude, but honestly, Mark, what do we have in common? I’ve been avoiding this setup by our friends because I think we’re actually quite different.”

“True, and not to use a boring old line, but what about ‘opposites attract?'”

“My ex and I were opposites.” Lisa smiled ruefully. “So, I think I can dispel that myth.”

Mark slapped his forehead. “Oh no! Give me enough rope and I’ll hang myself. Sorry for bringing up bad memories, Lisa.”

“It’s okay.” She pointed to their plates. “I see you also like shish-kebab.”

“I do,” he said. “This barbecue is first-rate.”

“I guess we do have one thing in common,” Lisa admitted.

~*~

June 4 Prompts ~ HWDP