Tag Archives: crime

Tell The Story: ”Laryk the Red” [fiction 453]

Rory has challenged me to tell a story about this photo, and so I shall. You can get the background on this particular challenge here.

Edwin’s parents sent him to sleep away summer camp when he was 5 years old so they could take a long romantic vacation in Europe. The first day at camp, an older redheaded boy named Larry K pushed Edwin into the pool. He hadn’t been taught to swim yet and almost drowned. One of the counselors rescued him.

The second day, Larry K hit a volleyball into Edwin’s head so hard it knocked him over and the nurse gave him an ice pack. The third day, Larry K “tripped” and dumped his entire dinner tray on Edwin. A counselor forced Larry to apologize, but he laughed the whole time and some of the counselors did too.

Eventually, all the other kids began to laugh at Edwin every time they saw him, calling him names and putting silly stickers on the back of his shirt like Larry K did, so Edwin pretended he was sick and stayed in his bunk bed unless a counselor made him come out to eat or hike.

By the time Edwin’s parents picked him up at the end of the summer, he had an imaginary friend to help him deal with the hostility from the campers. The friend’s name was Laryk the Red, and he was a larger, meaner version of Larry K with nasty yellow eyes and tusks. Laryk had big hands to grab bullies and smash their faces into brick walls. He had rotten breath and jagged teeth from biting bad boys’ noses off when they picked on smaller kids. Edwin stood up tall and spoke confidently because he had Laryk to help him, and his parents were pleased.

Later in the school year, however, they grew annoyed because Edwin kept getting into trouble for hitting and biting other children. The next year they sent him to a psychologist, but she made little progress. His behavior became more disturbing in middle school, garnering multiple suspensions, and his parents didn’t know what to do with him.

Edwin dropped out of high school at age 16. He left home, lived on the streets, and broke into houses and cars to steal cash and whatever else he could find to fence. Other criminals learned not to mess with him because of his ferocious temper and appetite for violence. He regularly beat up other homeless people just for fun.

Eventually Edwin was arrested and given a long prison sentence. One day at dinner, a familiar face gazed back at him across the table.

“You got a problem?” Edwin asked.

The redheaded man looked down at his plate. “No. Sorry. I thought I might have known you from a long time ago.”

“Hell no.” Edwin flicked a pea at him. “I’d remember.”

~*~

Now I’m supposed to post a photo and challenge three bloggers to tell a story about it.

Please tell the story:

Jim Adams

Tao-Talk

J-Dubs

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A Very Norty Christmas [an impish tale 1247]

Santa banished the Norty Imps to the dusty old storeroom. “You troublemakers stay out of my way until after Christmas,” Santa said. “I’ve got work to do and can’t be bothered with your shenanigans today of all days!”

The imps were sad for a mo, thinking they were going to be bored out of their silly heads for the next 24 hours, until one of them began opening the boxes in the back.

“Looky!” he cried. “Norty fings!”

He held up a black lacy bra and thong set. The other imps scampered to the boxes to find more norties. “A dildo!” “A norty book!” “A purple vibrator!”

“No one wants them anymore,” one imp said. “Everyone asks for iPhones. What can we do with these?”

“Send them to a church full of nuns!” another imp suggested.

The Norty Imps cheered and jumped for joy at the idea of a fun new tricksy plan.

One of the imps pulled out his iPad. “I’ll make a list with directions for the ‘deers.”

“Which ‘deers?” another said. “They’ll know the list ain’t all official like.”

“I know just the ones,” iPad Imp said. “Quick, help me break out of here. Who has the key codes?”

*

Ipad Imp approached the group of reindeer at the North Pole Starbucks who were all texting on their phones. “Hey, guys. Job for you.”

Sierra looked up. “Huh? I thought Santa gave out all the assignments yesterday.”

“This is a special late job,” Ipad Imp said. “He thought you might be suited for it, being so technically adept and all.”

“Oh yah,” Bruno said. “I’m totes into tech.”

“There you go then.” Ipad Imp grinned at the group. “I’ll just share my GPS file with you and Bob’s yer uncle.”

Giselle frowned at him. “Who’s Bob?”

The imp rolled his eyes. “Never mind that. Finish your drinks, go potty, and I’ll take you to the sleigh. We gots it all loaded up nice and full, ready to go.”

*

Roxy poked Clove with her hoof. “Dude, I think we should have arrived by now.”

They’d been flying for hours through the dark velvet skies. It was snowing now and Roxy was bored. Her movie had failed to load on her FlyPad. Annoying!

Clove removed his earbuds. “What? Are we lost?”

“I’m not sure,” Roxy said, “but this is taking forever. Ask Sierra if she downloaded the GPS update.”

Clove pulled Sierra’s tail and asked her. “No,” she said. “I forgot to check for updates before we left because of all the drama with my ex. But Bruno has the list.”

Bruno turned around. “Did someone say my name?”

“Are we lost?!” Roxy yelled.

“I took the scenic route!” he laughed.

Giselle began to cry. “I have a breakfast date with Noel.”

“Wait,” Sierra said. “Since when are you going out with Noel?”

“You guys broke up like a week ago,” Giselle sniffled. “So, why do you care?”

“Um, hello. We were only taking a break a week ago,” Sierra said. “That’s not being broken up.”

Roxy butted in, “Maybe we shouldn’t do this here?”

“Do what?” Giselle said. “Like why do I have to apologize for anything?”

“I don’t think she asked you to apologize,” Clove said. “But we’re really trying to find this church full of nuns.”

“Hey,” Noel called from the back. “I see a church.”

Bruno shook his head. “My GPS from the imp doesn’t list a church there. It’s supposed to be around the block.”

They flew around the block, but there was no church.

“Are we in the right town?” Sierra asked.

“Do I look like an idiot?” Bruno said. “Silver Springs, em eye.”

“Michigan, okay.” Roxy shrugged. “Let’s go.”

*

The hackers worked diligently in the abandoned church, hoping to have their entire evil scheme completed at 3am on Christmas morning. The world would slowly wake up to the fact that they were in charge and begin to understand the futility of resistance. Soon the ransom money would flow into their offshore accounts or else worldwide energy grids would become dysfunctional.

“Utterly brilliant,” Hank said. “Pure mad genius.”

Hugh nodded. “Almost there. Hester?”

“Capturing Japan right now. Another few minutes.” Hester looked up and smiled.

“The best thing is that we stay undetected until we decide to show our strength,” Hank said. “It really–what’s that noise?”

Hester went to the window. “I don’t see anything, but I hear clomping on the roof.”

“You guys,” Hugh whispered, “look.”

Around the old stone fireplace the air began to shimmer and fill with sparkling snow. Through the fog, six reindeer materialized holding gift bags in their mouths and with more gifts piled on their backs. They gently deposited these around the fireplace as the hackers watched in stunned silence.

“Where’s your tree?” one reindeer asked.

Another one said, “You don’t look like proper nuns. Roxy, aren’t they supposed to be all girls?”

“That one’s a girl.” “What about those two?” “Where are all the churchy things?” “Are you sure this is right?” “Lemme see that list?” “This says em oh not em eye.” “What?” “Missouri!”

“SHUT UP!” Hank yelled, pulling out a gun.

One of the reindeer began to cry. “Noel, help!” “What am I supposed to do?” “Okay, I’m downloading the updates.”

“Maybe we should just shoot them,” Hester said.

Hugh shook his head. “They may be on the endangered list. We don’t want to call attention to ourselves. Let them just poof out of here the way they came.”

*

Retired Lieutenant Stan the Dogwalking Man was very grumpy about the fact that Lucky McMuttface insisted on going out to do his biz in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. Stan suspected it was due to all the scrummy treats people had been surreptitiously sneaking to Lucky when Stan wasn’t looking. As they walked past the abandoned church on Third Street, Stan heard yelling and crying inside, which wasn’t right. He immediately texted his old buddies down at the station house and a minute later the street was filled with police cruisers.

*

Back at the North Pole, on the day after Christmas, Santa congratulated everyone on another successful holiday. “And I want to give a particular shoutout to my newest team, headed by Bruno, who cleverly managed to foil a group of criminals. The Silver Springs police department is giving all six of you honorary badges.”

“Ooh badges!” Giselle exclaimed. “Noel, could you fasten mine please?”

Sierra rolled her eyes.

As Santa’s elves and reindeer headed off to the post-Christmas party, he said, “Hold on a minute, you lot.”

Ipad Imp batted his eyelashes. “Do you mean us?”

“Don’t you give me that phony innocent look,” Santa said. “I know you Norty Imps had something to do with that mess in Missouri. What happened to the stuff in the storeroom?”

The imps began fidgeting and giggling, earning them a glare from Santa. “Knew it! Spill the beans, Norties!”

The imps began making farty noises, as they always did when commanded to spill the beans. This sent them further into paroxysms of laughter. Santa growled and stomped his foot.

“I’m warning you!”

Ipad Imp held up his hands in mock surrender. He controlled his giggles and said, “We donated the norty gifts to the police officers gag gifts fundraiser. That nice retired cop thought it was hilarious!”

“One day you imps will go too far.” Santa shook his head. “But today… let’s party! Eggnog and cookies await us. Merry Christmas!”

Saved by Giraffes, a Christmas Flash [325]

Santa’s hand hovered over the plate for several moments before he decided upon a particularly festive Christmas cookie. Mmm, it looked buttery and delicious…

As soon as he lifted the treat from the plate, an alarm shrieked. The lights in the house came on and a couple ran out from a back room. They looked incongruous ~ wearing happy holiday pajamas but holding scary baseball bats. Santa didn’t have any bats in his sack, just some stuffed giraffes, an electric toothbrush, and a pair of slippers. It was the end of this route.

“Hold on there,” Scary Man said. “We need to see some ID.”

Santa backed up. “ID? But I’m Santa. Look at my beard! And my red suit.”

Scary Woman laughed. It was a scary laugh. “Anyone can buy those at the party store. We looked outside and didn’t see any reindeer. Explain that!”

“They’re tired and hungry,” Santa said. “I let them hang out at the diner down the street and wait for me. The lady there said she’d give them some oatmeal.”

Scary Man remained skeptical. “Where’s your driver’s license?”

Santa reached into his bag.

“Hey!” Scary Woman raised her bat. “What are you doing?”

“Offering you a gift,” Santa said. “It’s what I do. Your other ones are wrapped, but this is extra.”

Scary Man rejected the overture. “A giraffe? Honestly, do you think we’re idiots?”

“Wait, honey,” Scary Woman said. “When I was little I had a book called A Giraffe and a Half, and it was one of the last books Mom read to me before she died.”

“Awwww.” Scary Man hugged Scary Woman, and they weren’t so scary after they put down their bats and held stuffed giraffes instead.

“Can I have my cookie now?” Santa asked as they went upstairs to bed.

Whew, that was a close call. He picked up his sack, stuffed in all the gifts, and left with his cookie. It really was delicious.

~*~

Photo courtesy of HW Daily Writing Prompts

Good Exercise [flash 187]

Leanne put her picnic basket on the backseat and then settled herself into the front. As she buckled her seatbelt, she said, “Thanks for the invite, Marcie. It’s such a perfect summer day.”

“After the snow storms that kept us inside all last winter and spring, I thought we should do something outdoors.” Marcie turned on the radio to a soft jazz station.

“What’s Edwin up to today?” Leanne asked.

Marcie stomped on the gas. “He said he wants to leave me, Leanne. Just walk out on all we built together.”

“Oh no!” Leanne touched her arm. “Maybe it’s just cabin fever. All that dismal cold. I’m sure he’ll soon remember his love for you and the strings that bind.”

Marcie shook her head. “I’ve already lost him. But I had the last laugh. I always do. I have a surprise in the trunk. Did you see the shovels in the back?”

“Shovels?” Leanne repeated.

“After we have our picnic, we’re going to get some exercise in the fresh air!” Marcie gripped the steering wheel tightly as she zoomed down the road. “It’ll be good for us!”

~*~

Photo prompt via The Haunted Wordsmith.

20 Questions

Via The Haunted Wordsmith

1. What is your favorite thing to do when bored?

– Read blogs/write a new poast.

2. What game did you play most when growing up?

– Scrabble or gin rummy.

3. You see a police car in your neighborhood, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?

– Good! Go catch a red light runner or a speeder or some jerkface… why are you just sitting there? 😡

4. If you had any superpower, what would it be?

– To ensure Pelosi becomes Speaker and then have the Prez and Veep mysteriously die. Hey, you asked!

5. Sautéed onions, fried onions, onion rings, or raw onions?

– Ringydings.

6. If you could create your own world, what would it look like?

– Pretty much all cats. 🐱🐱🐱

7. What is your favorite animal?

– 🙄

8. Punch or pie? (which kind?)

– Punch is gross. Crumbly apple pie is bomb; I also love cherry and pumpkin with graham cracker crust. If pumpkin doesn’t have GCC, I can easily pass it up. I don’t need whipped cream or ice cream on mah pah. Oh, mince pie is fab, but not real mincemeat pie (ew), just mince.

9. What is one holiday treat that improves your mood every time?

– Valium.

10. What is one word that you love?

– Kitty!

11. King Kong vs Godzilla…who wins?

– Who cares? No cats.

12. What is your favorite tv show and episode?

– Not sure what counts as tv anymore. The ending of Six Feet Under was incredible. If that doesn’t count, then the ep of IDOJ where Tony and Roger steal a plane and fly to Baghdad, which is in “Persia,” so that Tony can propose to Jeannie by guessing what’s in the box. Overall, when I was young, IDOJ was my favorite tv show, but it didn’t hold up on a rewatch a few years ago. Sad. Lately, my favorite show is Game of Thrones. I don’t have a favorite episode, since they all blend together.

13. What cancelled (or finished) tv show would you most like to see again?

– GOT is finishing up next year, which is a bummer. I’d say The Sopranos, except JG is dead (RIP), so no. I guess I don’t really care. I’m looking forward to the return of Mrs. Maisel soon.

14. You landed on Daffy Duck’s Fantastic Island…what do you wish for?

– Don’t know what this is, so I’ll just say a deluxe hotel room with a spa and a dessert bar.

15. Favorite season?

– Autumn.

16. Favorite adventure book or movie?

Life of Pi.

17. Does free mean free?

– Obviously not. Heard of Facebook?

18. Favorite color?

– Turquoise, purple, lime green, fuchsia, sunflower.

19. Ugly sweaters…yea or nay?

– Sure, especially if they have a 🐱.

20. What is your favorite time period?

– Whenever I don’t haz a migraine!

Triplets

Name three things – via the Blokey Guy:

You can dunk in tea or coffee?

– Chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, PB cookies. Tea only though – who dunks things in coffee? Psychos!

You can enjoy at a carnival?

– Sense of superiority, rolling my eyes, finally finding my car.

You can’t enjoy when it’s windy?

– Talking, walking, driving.

Your body can’t do?

– Run much, push-ups, pull-ups.

You don’t learn at school?

– Hot-wiring, lock-picking, safecracking.

You can put onto a pizza?

– Coconut, M&Ms, caramel.

You can eat with?

– Phone, laptop, TV.

You don’t suggest you do at home blindfolded?

– Text an ex, stand naked at the window, sharpen my knives. Especially not all three at once!

That are important to you?

– Sumatriptan, Topamax, Advil.

That you love to do at the beach?

– Leave, depart, skedaddle.

That you do in the morning?

– Grab phone, look at news, go omg what a lying shithead!

That you every time you log in to your blog?

– I use the app, so I’m never logged out, lol, but generally I check notifications first, then mosey through the reader for a bit, and lastly drag an idea out of my brainpan for a poast. 😜

Where Tags Come To Die

The lovely Jay-lyn nominated me for yet another Sunshine Award and guess how many questions I have to answer? Yup. ELEVEN. 🙄🙄🙄 As per my SOP, I am not tagging anyone, but I encourage everyone who hasn’t done one of these yet to copy Jay’s questions and answer them on your own blog.

Thank you, Jay, for these great questions:

1. Do you believe in true love?

– Well, I’m not sure we all define it the same way, but do I believe that two people can, soon after meeting, discover a mutual and intensely fulfilling physical, emotional, and intellectual connection that builds into a caring and committed bond that lasts a lifetime… sure, why not? I think it has happened to other people.

2. Summer or Winter?

– Summer.

3. If you could travel anywhere in the world where would it be?

– Idk, I don’t really like to travel and leave my kitty. 🐱

4. Have you ever sat in your car and cried for no reason other than being sad?

– I usually have a reason for being sad. But yes.

5. Science Fiction or Fantasy?

– Not clear on the difference here. SciFi is like Star Trek and fantasy is dragons? Can’t mix those, I suppose, but why not? I liked the original Star Trek and the movies with those characters a lot, but I also liked the one with Chris Pine (no, I don’t want to hear about his penis), but I love love love Game of Thrones. However, that’s kind of a one-off; I didn’t love dragon stuff before and I doubt I will again. So… yeah. Idk.

6. If you could be any fantasy character what type would you be?

– A dragon! Purple obviously.

7. If you discovered the secret to slowing down the aging process would you use it?

– On myself? How would that work? I’d quit aging, so I’d never retire, but my bosses would, and then I’d have to look for a new job? Gahhh. What about my kids ~ they’d age past me and die?! That sounds pretty horrible actually. 😢

8. Walking through the forest you come upon a large tree with a door in it, do you open the door?

– No, that seems like a bad idea. Might be a dragon in there.

9. If you opened the door in the above question what did you find?

– Dragon, hello.

10. If you did not open the door in question 8 why not?

– Probably a drug dealer’s stash. Best not to know or to leave fingerprints. In a novel, the protagonist would of course open the door, which would cause a cascade of unnecessary problems and then of course end in true love. But before that… ughhh drama!

11. Favorite all time Halloween costume.

– Devil with a blue dress on.

Creepy Questions 😱

From the Blokey Guy… if you want to play, visit his link, but the basic rule is C&P and do not delete any of the questions marked with a P… or else! 🙀☠️👿

Daily Topic Subject – Just Creepy

Q1] Favourite all time creepy monster or villain?

– Rather partial to Johnny Depp’s Barnabas Collins.

Q2] Pumpkin Pie or what is your favorite pie at Halloween?

– I didn’t know we were supposed to eat pie at Halloween ~ I’ll get right on that! Pumpkin sounds good to me, iff it has a graham cracker crust.

Q3] What is something you most assuredly wouldn’t want to bump into in a darkened alleyway?

– Stephen Miller.

Q4] Have you ever dabbled with the dark side .. l don’t mean Bloody Mary either l mean Ouija?

– Not really, but I’m not opposed to it.

PQ5] What’s your most favorite Halloween movie that you just have to watch over, and over and over again every Halloween? [Link Please]

Young Frankenstein

Q6] Are you superstitious? [How so?]

– Not seriously, but you have to make decisions somehow in a world full of chaos, so having “lucky numbers” and that kind of nonsense isn’t the worst thing unless you do actual harm. Forex, I like to buy 8 things at a time, not 7 or 9. If I have 9 things, I’ll add Tictacs to make 10.

PQ7] If you found yourself trapped in a horror movie which one would it be?

– The one where I keep joining dating sites and meeting crazy men at Starbucks. Oh wait…

Q8] On the subject whilst we are here, have you ever played Bloody Mary?

– I don’t know what that is, so no.

Q9] Oh golly jeepers, you have awoken in the night to hear footsteps in the house .. who you gonna call?

– It’s just my cat, RIGHT? 🐱

Q10] So it’s dark and creepy, and you have just been dared to visit the local Cemetery would you do it?

– No, but not because I’m afraid of ghosts ~ because I’m afraid of humans who might be hanging out there doing drug deals or whatever.

Q11] After watching a scary flick, can you just go to bed, or do you have to do something cheery first?

– I have to leave the lights on!

PQ12] It’s Halloween, you are music master at the party, what are your first five songs going to be played to kick start the night?

– Monster Mash, Spooky, Rhiannon, Witchy Woman, Bad Moon Rising.

Q13]  Favorite all time scary creepy spooky book?

– Stephen King’s The Shining.

Q14] You have been invited to the ultimate Monster Mash party and it’s fancy costume – who are you going as?

– Little Red Writing Hood.

PQ15] Are you doing anything for Halloween this year? If so what?

– Probably the Saturday before but not on the actual day.

Q16] You are a junior witch going onto ‘sleep away camp’, you have to take a familiar with you and your choices are:

Black Cat ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Toad

Owl

Bat

Rat

Critter

What are you going to pick and why?

– Cat because cat.

Q17] You have been chosen to make the tea cakes for the party and they have to look spooky what are you going to make?

– White cakes with red jello drippings all topped with swirls of fleshy pink frosting!

Q18] How old were you when you saw your first horror movie – what was it – provide link?

– My mom and I watched Creature Features in our basement while doing jigsaw puzzles. Saw all sorts of horrible things: monsters ripping off heads in ski lodges, reptiles taking over Florida, beasts eating sailors on submarines, etc. Movies (and books) were never censored for me, which is probably not the best way. BECAUSE NOW LOOK.

Q19] Are you easily scared?

– I can talk myself down from fictional scenes. People are another matter entirely. Anyone who isn’t terrified of the current U.S. gov’t right now is not paying attention.

PQ20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

– Nopers.

Q21] It’s Halloween, you have three choices which do you pick? Party, Trick or Treating or staying at home curtain closed watching spooky stuff?

– Dismantling the patriarchy. I mean party. Damn autocorrect.

So Much Extra

Lotta questions from a new blog I’m following, so much extra you don’t need to know about me, but you will read to the end, yes? I lazily stole the intro para and links from Fandango:

“Blogger Melanie, over at Sparks from a Combustible Mind, posted a series of questions (along with her answers) on the philosophy of living life that she got from A Guy Called Bloke. As one of the great life philosophers in the blogosphere, I felt compelled to respond. So here goes.”

Q1] What is your take on ‘free will?’

Mythical, like a unicorn.

Q2] We all ask ourselves at one time or another what is the point? So what is the point to our existence?

There is no point. It’s all meaningless. Might as well have another donut. You know you will anyway (see Q1).

Q3] What is your belief on fate and Karma?

Good concepts for poetry and fiction.

Q4] As a species, how do you think humans will become extinct or do you believe that we will not?

Whoops, forgot to answer this one first time around. Sorry. I’m operating on four hours of sleep. I think there will be a mass extinction event, such as a meteor strike or an incurable fatal plague epidemic. Or maybe we will end up in a nuclear WW3.

Q5] What is your belief with regards the meaning of life?

See Q2.

Q6] Ok, fess up, do you believe in aliens from outer space – is there really other life out there in the far reaching galaxies beyond our own?

Likely.

Q7] What is your best quote for ‘living life?’

“Life is short; eat dessert first.”

Q8] What doesn’t kill us – makes us stronger – yes or no? Explain.

Depends what it is. Divorce? Alligator? Nuclear bomb?

Q9] What would you say have been your biggest successes in life?

Raising children to be good people.

Q10] If you could find out the exact time and cause of your death – would you want to know?

Sure.

Q11] Is it more important to help yourself, help your family, help your society, or help the world?

Each of these doesn’t have to exclude the others.

Q12] If humanity was put on trial by an advanced race of aliens, how would you defend humanity and argue for its continued existence?

It would be difficult right now.

Q13] What is the biggest waste of human potential?

All the technology used to destroy and divide instead of help, build, save, feed, clothe, house, etc.

Q14] We often see those that write ‘what would you say to a younger you?’ However, what would you say today to a future you?

Your bangs are crooked.

Q15] Why do you think that as a species, humans need to believe in something? Be this religion, fate, karma, magical, mystique, and so on.

I don’t, but I get that it’s too hard for some people to cope with falling into the abyss of nothingness. It’s not scary though ~ it’s just like before you were born. Nothing.

Q16] If we could not retain any of our memories – who would we be?

Nobody, like one music note at a time by itself, having no relationship to other notes.

Q17] Time is such an important part of our world, but do you think you would notice if time was altered in any way?

It already is going faster, as I perceive it.

Q18] How important is play in living a healthy and fulfilling life?

I play a lot of games.

Q19] With no laws or rules to influence your behavior, how do you think you would behave?

I’d be even more terrified of other people, since so many of them disobey the laws and rules we have now. I’d probably have to buy a gun and kill lots of them. /shrug

Q20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

Nope.

Q21] Should euthanasia be legal? Why or why not?

Yes. There should be safeguards of course, but if an adult who is terminally ill or has a horribly painful or debilitating condition wants to end their suffering sooner than later, that’s their biz. Remember that life is terminal regardless ~ it’s just a matter of when. There’s no getting around this fact.

Monk(ey) Business [SOSC]

The otter week a couple friends and I began talking about how much we like the show Mrs. Maisel, and specifically we mentioned the father’s character, played by Tony Shalhoub. That reminded me I’d never seen Monk, which he stars in. I always meant to, and Prime has it, but you know… busy organizing socks. Anyway, I started it and am now almost done with S3. I plan to watch all of it (why not?), five seasons or so, except I will take a break soon for a Mission Impossible marathon, since I just bought the first five DVDs, and I’ve never seen any of those movies.

I love the character of Adrian Monk, and some of the supporting side chars are great too (the cops), but I don’t love the show. Does that make sense? Well, it doesn’t have to, pffft. This is stream of consciousness Saturday, and my stream has a lotta meanders in it. Not to mention rocks. And slimy toads on lilypads. Rebbit! God, my phone’s spellcheck is so annoying! What’s wrong with lilypad and rebbit? What was I even talking about anyway? Oh, Monk.

People think I’ll relate to him because of certain OCD tendencies I have, but really mine are nothing compared to real OCD. I do notice things being crooked, out of place, off-center, etc. and that bothers me somewhat, but whatever. In my own personal environment, I strive to keep things neat and clean, matched, aligned, organized, etc., but I’m not a maniac about it. My apartment right now has zillions of imperfect areas. And I don’t bother fixing them. Because eh. Endless. I never touch other people’s stuff, a la Monk, to align it. I’m also not a huge germaphobe like he is. I mean, I’m aware of ucky stuff everywhere, but yet I live a normal life and even have a pet. I touch public bathroom doors without using a paper towel. Yikes.

I could never be a cop ~ I don’t notice details about people, not relevant ones anyway. I might notice something like a woman’s part was really crooked, and the color of her hair, but I’ll fail to remember what she was wearing or anything she said. Or I might remember something really witty a man said but nothing about how he looked. It varies hugely. And I never notice people’s cars, unless they’re BMWs, at which point I will make all sorts of negative assumptions about their character even though I know some BMW drivers are good people. Well, I know of one.

One thing I enjoy about Monk, the show, is that it does progress, albeit glacially. After almost three seasons, Monk has cleaned out the office that belonged to his wife who died like 10 years ago. I’m happy to see that there is hope for him to be “normal” once again. He always had the eidetic memory apparently, but he seemed to be able to enjoy a loving relationship with his wife and a successful career as a detective. One thing I could relate to was his inability to retake the test to get his old job back a few shows ago. He kept erasing the first answer to fill in the box more perfectly and ran out of time. I can imagine doing something like this under extreme stress/anxiety. Which is a weird thing for me to say because test-taking is (was) my forte, but as I age I find it is not true so much and I get freaked out at the idea of tests or anything timed. Even timed games can upset me, especially if there are sounds.

My hypothesis is that when I was younger all these things like tests and dating and rollercoasters etc. which gave me an adrenaline rush were “fun” simply due to some physical chemical reaction, but that reaction occurs differently now because my aging brain processes the chemicals differently, and what was once perceived as yay-stress is now interpreted as boo-stress. (Sorry to get so technical with scientific jargon like yay and boo.)

One of the things I dislike about Monk, the show, is the samey sameness of the plots. They’re ridiculous. And as Monk’s new assistant points out: he’s like the Prince of Darkness. He witnesses a murder, so they have to be sequestered at a cabin in the woods until the trial, which led to some funnies with his OCD, but then naturally there’s yet another murder at the next cabin over. There’s always something like this every time. But since I like Monk, the character, I keep the show on at home in the background… whenever I pay attention again, I don’t feel I’ve missed much. So, in a way, the bug has turned into a feature.

I am starting to like background noise again. My own thoughts are too loud and that was the problem with writing in dead silence night after night weekend after weekend… Paula’s Yelly Brain. I’ll need a new show once Monk is done though. I’m starting to have slight anxiety about what to replace it with ~ it needs to be like Monk, engrossing but not too heavy. I have to be able to fall asleep in the middle of one ep and begin the next one later without a loss of anything important. It can’t be a show full of loads of character development or anything like that. A crime show would be good, I guess, where the crimes don’t really matter because you’re tuning in to see the same main characters behave the same ways every time. Or a comedy, if it’s not too stupid.

Ideas?