Green Is Good

Hope you enjoy some more greenery in your feed for Terri’s Sunday Stills photo challenge. 🍀🙂💚

What’s Up With Cookies?

I went to Target tonight to get a head start on the weekend’s chores. I have a lot of things to do and am a bit stressed! Now, I assumed that everyone else would be out having fun on a Friday night and I could shop in peace. Wrong! The store was full of shoppers in my way. Annoying.

As I was crossing stuff off my list, I checked the cookie aisle for Game of Thrones Oreos. I read that they’re coming out with a special version for the final season and I want some. Didn’t find any. But! What the heck? There are like 18,000 kinds of Oreos now! When did this happen???

Previously I’ve blogged about trying some alternate Oreos, especially cookie dough which were delicious, but this is just crazy.

Not only that though. I found something else. Something absolutely wackadoo. You will not believe this! I wouldn’t either, so I had to take another photo and practically shove people out of my way. Yes, I am taking pictures of the cookies and what is your problem, buddy???

WHAT HAVE THE KEEBLER ELVES DONE TO MY DAD’S STRIPEY COOKIES!?!?

I’ve previously blogged about stripey cookies too. Normal ones… you know, golden cookie-flavored cookies with fudge backs and stripes. But now they have all fudgey ones and these white ones? Whaaa? They look like those crayon things we did in school that we colored over again. But look!!! They have unicorn ones! Now, I die.

I really wanted to buy some unicorn stripey cookies. But I didn’t. Why not? Idk. I guess I just felt too silly. They weren’t on my list. It was all so disorienting.

I might go back again soon though.

For the unicorn 🦄 cookies!

Photo Patterns [CFFC]

I found a few patterns in my photo search to fit Cee’s theme for the week.

Share Bear 🐻

Sparks has another installment of Share Your World for us today.

^^^ There’s a lil taste of SoCal for anyone who might be wondering about the glam life I lead out here on the Left Coast.

QUESTIONS:

What, in your opinion, is the point to life?

– There is no point. What I mean by this is that I don’t believe we will be rewarded or punished by a supernatural force who is keeping track of our good and bad deeds on a holy spreadsheet. If something is good, then we should do it because it’s good, not for points. Live a good life now, and don’t do bad things. Why not? Because they’re bad. If you’re an adult, you shouldn’t need a cookie for not being bad. Mmm cookies! Maybe cookies are the point? Note to self: more research needed.

What was your most recent lie?  You don’t have to get really specific obviously.

– I’ve quit lying. No, that’s not a lie! The reason I used to lie so much was due to my upfucked romantic situations. Some of the lies were told because I legit perceived some men as threatening, physically or emotionally. Some were simply told out of convenience. Some to spare guys’ feelings, rightly or wrongly. But all that is over. What a blessed relief!

What country do you consider the strangest?   (it’s all In fun folks, ALL countries may seem strange to outsiders)

– The USA. I’m saying this both because I’m unfamiliar with other countries and cuz I do think we’re a bit weird here. Take our politics. Please! Take it away, far away. And we’re so bizarre about sex, both fetishizing it and acting so damn Puritanical about it. I mean, we love our skimpily dressed stars, but GOD FORBID one of them breastfeeds her baby in public. Ewwww boobs. Gross! Put that thing away. Do it in the bathroom.

What’s your funniest story involving a car?

– Hard to choose. How about the time I was driving my daughter home from a trip to register for something or other at UCSD, was trying to find a place for lunch off the freeway, ended up in the wrong lane, and got trapped into the visitors’ line at the marine base. Once in the line, you were not allowed to escape. And it was a long damn line. We almost starved to DEATH! When we got up to the front, I explained that we only wanted lunch and the nice marine dude said this happens and told me how to turn around and leave. So embarrassing. We found a Hawaiian barbecue place around 2pm and decided it was the best food ever, but it really wasn’t. When I had it again another time, I realized it was only bland chicken and macaroni salad.

GRATITUDE

Do you have something you’re very thankful for or that showed immense kindness toward yourself or someone?

– Heat. It’s been really cold here. I’m extremely grateful to whoever discovered fire, and I’m betting it was a woman. Why do we assume it was a man? We’re the ones who are always freezing! 🥶

Adverbs Galore [SOCS]

Quietly the members of the secret society entered the deserted building after hours and softly closed the door.

“This is insanely ridiculous,” Fandango said grumpily. “By the way, I brought those cookies everyone likes.”

“Thanks!” Teresa replied cheerfully. “But that’s what we get for electing a crazy English professor for President, who probably didn’t even read as many books as I did.”

“Let’s be fair,” Sadje said moderately. “We didn’t know she’d act so extremely cuckoo once she took office. I can’t eat cookies, so I brought keto-friendly egg salad.”

Happily munching a cookie, Jim said, “I could easily recommend a playlist to our new President, which might get her in a better mood and less likely to randomly order people killed for misusing grammar.”

“I’m a grammar pendant myself,” Fandango boldly admitted. “But even I say that executing people for a misplaced apostrophe is wildly inappropriate.”

“Pedant,” Kristian mildly corrected Fandango.

Fandango paused in the middle of furiously composing a new blog post on his phone. “What?”

“Pedant!” Kristian loudly repeated. “You said pendant but it’s pedant!”

“It’s just a typo!” Fandango yelled defensively.

“Shhhh!” Teresa hushed them fearfully. “No one can know we’re in here.”

“Hopefully the President is busy with more important things than our silly little adverb meetup,” Sadje said placatingly.

“Terribly sorry I’m ignoring everyone,” Rory called out apologetically from the corner. “What do you all think about prostitution? Please extensively explain your answers.”

“Interestingly,” Jim said, “there have been many songs about this topic. Bob Seger, for example–”

Suddenly the door burst open and a group of scarily dressed FBA agents entered.

“Freeze!” shouted the FBA leader. “You’re all under arrest for adverbing! Place your hands over your mouths. Slowly!”

😱😱😱😱😱

Sharing is Baring [SYW]

Questions from Melanie (who got them from some man but like who cares?)…

1. You’re walking in a forest and you find a black suitcase.  Inside it is one millions dollars and a piece of paper, stained in blood and bearing the single word “Don’t!”  Would you take the suitcase home or leave it?

– This is from Plots R Us. Greedy Gertie takes the money, which is marked, and then she’s tracked and murdered. No thx. Leave it alone. (PS: I wouldn’t be walking in a forest ~ that sounds waaay too much like a dreaded “hike.” 🙄)

2. Imagine you lapsed and cheated on your partner. You feel horrible and you know you’ll never do it again, because the feeling is so awful. Would you confess?

– No. Keep quiet and live with the guilt. That’s the punishment. Why make a second person miserable? Also, wait a few days and you’ll feel less horrible, just sayin’.

3. Would you live your life differently if nobody ever judged you for anything you did?

– Yes. Pesky judges, and juries too. I WUZ FRAMED!

4. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? No? What would you call it?

– A disgust.

5. What’s something that brought joy and lightness of being to you this past week?

– Pepperidge Farm c00kies.

QoQ

Haven’t done a pile of questions in a few days and these are about one of my fave topics… food!

Today’s questions:

1. What is your favorite chocolate dessert?

– Here’s (yet another) weird thing about me. I love chocolate in its pure form, like a delicious truffle, but not that much in cake or ice cream ~ though I do love choc chip cookies. I have a favorite brownie, which is like candy, in that its from the Ghirardelli mix with extra fudgy wudgy gooeyness. But only that brownie.

2. Where do you go first in the grocery store?

– Produce

3. You win three minutes of free shopping in the grocery store with an empty cart…what do you fill it with?

– All the books

4. What is your favorite fruit and how do you like to eat it?

– Mango, dripping over the sink like a barbarian

5. You go to a magic cafe where plates fill with whatever you request…what do you get?

– Seafood pasta

6. How do you like your fish?

– COOKED

7. Do you eat jello (what is your favorite flavor)?

– Meh

8. What is the most, ahem, “adult” food you can think of?

– Grape Nuts 😝

9. What food do you eat that might put you in the “old” age?

– Salad?

10. Mall food courts…yes, no, where do you eat?

– Barf, those places are disgusting. Panda Express! 😂

Ask someone else… [SOCS]

Canola oil was en vogue for a while; now it’s bad. I forgot why it was bad so I looked it up… GMO blah de blah. That’s allowed cuz I checked before I began writing, did not break my SOC to google. My darling daughter gave me “canola” when I asked for a prompt… of course she couldn’t have given me something good like butterfly 🦋 or cupcake 🧁.

Anyway back to canola. So, I switched from olive to canola then to coconut 🥥 cuz that was the thing but now the nutritionists are freaking out about coconut again like they do once a decade or so… I remember giving up granola bars for a while in the 1970s cuz they said one more tsp of coconut oil was surely going to give me a stroke. Never really went back to granola in a major way though cuz even after the coconut freakout died down the dentists were all shrieking that granola was worse than candy so might as well just eat a Snickers and it’s cheaper besides.

Not that I eat much candy 🍫 these days either. I blogged about how I broke my Snickers habit and when I ate one months later it didn’t even taste that good anymore. Maybe I’ve finally developed an adult palate? Nah! Still love mac&cheese. Still love c00kies.

Just to clarify… of course I still have olive oil for things that aren’t desserts, should I ever make any. You peeps will be the first to know, rest assured. Who else would I tell? But I don’t cook much… it’s expensive and wasteful to cook for one person unless you are okay with eating one dish for a week.

Btw, my friend Cathy and I made c00kies last weekend with half real butter and half coconut oil and not only were the c00kies incredibly delicious but we ate lots and did not die. We will obviously, someday, but probably not from c00kies. Not that that’s a bad way to go. Mmm c00kies…

Next time pics!

~*~

SOCS prompt from Linda

After the eggnog is gone…

For today’s challenge (not to be confused with tomorrow’s challenge that I poasted yesterday), Rory asks us to create a top 5 song list for Christmas. Well, I’ve already mentioned my fave xmoose songs a few times, but as we know the holidays see a lot of romantical type breakups. Something about all that pressure and prezzies and fighting over the last perfect tree-shaped c00kie. With that in mind, here are my top 5 songs about breaking up, over the hols or whenevs.

She put a big F-U in my future…

It ain’t me you’re looking for, babe…

The old-fashioned block sender…

Being all philosophical about it…

THE HELL WITH THIS CRAP ANYWAY!

Oopsy, almost forgot my taggaroos. Anyone who has participated in any of the music challenges recently is hereby tagged! Lists please ASAP. Don’t forget to link back to Rory. 🙂🎶

A Very Norty Christmas [an impish tale 1247]

Santa banished the Norty Imps to the dusty old storeroom. “You troublemakers stay out of my way until after Christmas,” Santa said. “I’ve got work to do and can’t be bothered with your shenanigans today of all days!”

The imps were sad for a mo, thinking they were going to be bored out of their silly heads for the next 24 hours, until one of them began opening the boxes in the back.

“Looky!” he cried. “Norty fings!”

He held up a black lacy bra and thong set. The other imps scampered to the boxes to find more norties. “A dildo!” “A norty book!” “A purple vibrator!”

“No one wants them anymore,” one imp said. “Everyone asks for iPhones. What can we do with these?”

“Send them to a church full of nuns!” another imp suggested.

The Norty Imps cheered and jumped for joy at the idea of a fun new tricksy plan.

One of the imps pulled out his iPad. “I’ll make a list with directions for the ‘deers.”

“Which ‘deers?” another said. “They’ll know the list ain’t all official like.”

“I know just the ones,” iPad Imp said. “Quick, help me break out of here. Who has the key codes?”

*

Ipad Imp approached the group of reindeer at the North Pole Starbucks who were all texting on their phones. “Hey, guys. Job for you.”

Sierra looked up. “Huh? I thought Santa gave out all the assignments yesterday.”

“This is a special late job,” Ipad Imp said. “He thought you might be suited for it, being so technically adept and all.”

“Oh yah,” Bruno said. “I’m totes into tech.”

“There you go then.” Ipad Imp grinned at the group. “I’ll just share my GPS file with you and Bob’s yer uncle.”

Giselle frowned at him. “Who’s Bob?”

The imp rolled his eyes. “Never mind that. Finish your drinks, go potty, and I’ll take you to the sleigh. We gots it all loaded up nice and full, ready to go.”

*

Roxy poked Clove with her hoof. “Dude, I think we should have arrived by now.”

They’d been flying for hours through the dark velvet skies. It was snowing now and Roxy was bored. Her movie had failed to load on her FlyPad. Annoying!

Clove removed his earbuds. “What? Are we lost?”

“I’m not sure,” Roxy said, “but this is taking forever. Ask Sierra if she downloaded the GPS update.”

Clove pulled Sierra’s tail and asked her. “No,” she said. “I forgot to check for updates before we left because of all the drama with my ex. But Bruno has the list.”

Bruno turned around. “Did someone say my name?”

“Are we lost?!” Roxy yelled.

“I took the scenic route!” he laughed.

Giselle began to cry. “I have a breakfast date with Noel.”

“Wait,” Sierra said. “Since when are you going out with Noel?”

“You guys broke up like a week ago,” Giselle sniffled. “So, why do you care?”

“Um, hello. We were only taking a break a week ago,” Sierra said. “That’s not being broken up.”

Roxy butted in, “Maybe we shouldn’t do this here?”

“Do what?” Giselle said. “Like why do I have to apologize for anything?”

“I don’t think she asked you to apologize,” Clove said. “But we’re really trying to find this church full of nuns.”

“Hey,” Noel called from the back. “I see a church.”

Bruno shook his head. “My GPS from the imp doesn’t list a church there. It’s supposed to be around the block.”

They flew around the block, but there was no church.

“Are we in the right town?” Sierra asked.

“Do I look like an idiot?” Bruno said. “Silver Springs, em eye.”

“Michigan, okay.” Roxy shrugged. “Let’s go.”

*

The hackers worked diligently in the abandoned church, hoping to have their entire evil scheme completed at 3am on Christmas morning. The world would slowly wake up to the fact that they were in charge and begin to understand the futility of resistance. Soon the ransom money would flow into their offshore accounts or else worldwide energy grids would become dysfunctional.

“Utterly brilliant,” Hank said. “Pure mad genius.”

Hugh nodded. “Almost there. Hester?”

“Capturing Japan right now. Another few minutes.” Hester looked up and smiled.

“The best thing is that we stay undetected until we decide to show our strength,” Hank said. “It really–what’s that noise?”

Hester went to the window. “I don’t see anything, but I hear clomping on the roof.”

“You guys,” Hugh whispered, “look.”

Around the old stone fireplace the air began to shimmer and fill with sparkling snow. Through the fog, six reindeer materialized holding gift bags in their mouths and with more gifts piled on their backs. They gently deposited these around the fireplace as the hackers watched in stunned silence.

“Where’s your tree?” one reindeer asked.

Another one said, “You don’t look like proper nuns. Roxy, aren’t they supposed to be all girls?”

“That one’s a girl.” “What about those two?” “Where are all the churchy things?” “Are you sure this is right?” “Lemme see that list?” “This says em oh not em eye.” “What?” “Missouri!”

“SHUT UP!” Hank yelled, pulling out a gun.

One of the reindeer began to cry. “Noel, help!” “What am I supposed to do?” “Okay, I’m downloading the updates.”

“Maybe we should just shoot them,” Hester said.

Hugh shook his head. “They may be on the endangered list. We don’t want to call attention to ourselves. Let them just poof out of here the way they came.”

*

Retired Lieutenant Stan the Dogwalking Man was very grumpy about the fact that Lucky McMuttface insisted on going out to do his biz in the middle of the night on Christmas Eve. Stan suspected it was due to all the scrummy treats people had been surreptitiously sneaking to Lucky when Stan wasn’t looking. As they walked past the abandoned church on Third Street, Stan heard yelling and crying inside, which wasn’t right. He immediately texted his old buddies down at the station house and a minute later the street was filled with police cruisers.

*

Back at the North Pole, on the day after Christmas, Santa congratulated everyone on another successful holiday. “And I want to give a particular shoutout to my newest team, headed by Bruno, who cleverly managed to foil a group of criminals. The Silver Springs police department is giving all six of you honorary badges.”

“Ooh badges!” Giselle exclaimed. “Noel, could you fasten mine please?”

Sierra rolled her eyes.

As Santa’s elves and reindeer headed off to the post-Christmas party, he said, “Hold on a minute, you lot.”

Ipad Imp batted his eyelashes. “Do you mean us?”

“Don’t you give me that phony innocent look,” Santa said. “I know you Norty Imps had something to do with that mess in Missouri. What happened to the stuff in the storeroom?”

The imps began fidgeting and giggling, earning them a glare from Santa. “Knew it! Spill the beans, Norties!”

The imps began making farty noises, as they always did when commanded to spill the beans. This sent them further into paroxysms of laughter. Santa growled and stomped his foot.

“I’m warning you!”

Ipad Imp held up his hands in mock surrender. He controlled his giggles and said, “We donated the norty gifts to the police officers gag gifts fundraiser. That nice retired cop thought it was hilarious!”

“One day you imps will go too far.” Santa shook his head. “But today… let’s party! Eggnog and cookies await us. Merry Christmas!”