Me Myself and I

[post title stolen from Beckie]

Rory has a new game happening, which is all about me.

Now, I realize I’ve been saying that I’m gonna avoid these kinds of rambling personal posts and focus more on fiction and poetry, but the first thing you need to understand about me is… I’m a liar. Okay then.

1. What is your favourite sweet treat?

I have lots of favorite sweet treats. But first, let me announce that I’m not a chocoholic. I can happily leave the choccy treats to others… and while I enjoy a chocolate chip cookie like any normal human, it’s not at the top of my list. What is? Coconut cake, lemon bars, thick homemade peanut butter cookies, and crumbly cinnamon coffee cake (like the kind Starbucks used to sell before they made it “healthy”). I also love pie, but am super picky about it ~ if it’s not exactly right, I don’t like it at all. Forex, pumpkin pie is awesome but only if it has a graham cracker crust and whipped cream on top. Otherwise, meh.

2. If you want to really relax – what is your go to?

I have a hard time totally relaxing. There’s always something (usually several things) bothering me somewhat. Idk how people can forget about all that’s wrong with this world… even if you’re personally cocooned against financial horrors, what about other people and animals? You must know of the vast suffering that goes on day in and day out, unabated. I just trudge along, I guess. There are things that temporarily distract me like movies, games, poetry. But I know the other stuff is there while I divert myself with trivia. I spend too much time on news sites, which is depressing, and I know I should stop. What’s the point? I can’t do anything about all this outrage… it just boils in my brain, keeping me from being able to relax. Soon, I’ll be moving to a place where it’ll be easier to exercise; maybe that will help.

3. What is your guiltiest pleasure?

This is a weird question for me now. I don’t feel I even have “guilty pleasures” these days. I hardly indulge in anything because of fear of consequences. And after a while, not indulging becomes as much of a habit as indulging, you know? It’s like I’m too lazy to do anything wrong. Drinking? Nah. That’ll give me a migraine. Sex? No thanks. Too stressful to deal with another person. Overeating? Ick, tummy ache! The only self-indulgent thing I might do is not get dressed on a Sunday and watch movies or read all day instead of finishing any chores. But this isn’t even that pleasurable… I only do it when I’m really tired. And I’ll feel bad when the unproductive day is done.

So, there you have it, Rory. Super boring personal jabber. I warned you. 😜

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ45: Oreos

Fandango provocatively asks…

Are there limits to human creativity? Is it be possible for humans to create something completely novel and new that is based on nothing that previously existed? Or is human creativity just rearranging and building on previous ideas?

Well… I guess there are ways to stretch and say anything is somehow connected to something else. The internet was novel, allowing strangers to find each other and chat about topics in common, but before that some folks did manage to find pen pals in different parts of the world (or in prison) to communicate with. It was much slower, and individual rather than a freewheeling message board system, but one could make the case that there’s a similarity. Lonely people, reaching across the miles for new friends they’ll never meet in person…

Art, music, literature, science, medicine, etc. have existed since there were humans who had any free time between birth and death, so… nope, all of that will be filed in the “building on” category.

What about things that have been invented we don’t know about cuz they disappeared without a trace? There must be loads of ’em, and I’m thinking that many of these might fit the novel definition. But the reason we don’t know about them is because they were useless or unable to be marketed. We like things we’re familiar with. Sure, we crave novelty, but only to a degree.

This is why we keep seeing “new” offerings from the same old places, like Oreos with different middles. Ooh, a novel filling! How thrilling! But we’re comfortable with this product, and we trust it, because it’s still an Oreo.

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Trust Issues [fiction 801]

[This is a multi-part story. Lexi Brown is trying to escape her past and create a new life for herself in Otter Village, 500 miles from where a traumatic event occurred 6 months ago. In our last episode, we read that Dan, the brother of Lexi’s deceased husband, has discovered where Lexi lives and is raging angry about what he believes has transpired.

Here are the posts in order so far:

Falling
Sisterly Chat
Smoothies
The Angry Brother]

Lexi didn’t hear her phone buzz with Vicky’s message warning her about Dan because she was in the middle of a Very Serious Task and had her favorite Taylor Swift CD blasting.

Yep, Lexi was baking her famous peanut butter chocolate chip cookies, and she wanted the first tray done and cooled by the time Kevin was due here in about an hour. She creamed the butter and sugar, smiling at the memory of how kind he’d been to her last week at the festival. She’d put the cute otter beanie baby on her dresser upstairs, right next to her jewelry box.

Maybe once they got to know each other a little better she could confide in him. Tell him about what happened in the city, Jim’s depression, their separation, his crazy anger. That horrible day. It would be nice to have a strong, comforting shoulder to lean on. But not yet. She needed more time. Attraction happened in a second, but trust had to bake. Like these delicious cookies, it couldn’t be rushed.

*

Kevin left the hotel early, deciding he needed a beach run before showering and going over to Lexi’s place. So many thoughts whirled through his head. He wanted them to settle down before he saw her again. He knew who she was now, and he understood why she hadn’t said anything.

Being a curious guy with a good memory, Kevin knew he’d seen Lexi’s face before. Spending time with her at the otter festival had made him even more certain of it. Yet, he was sure they hadn’t met before the day he’d helped her after she’d fallen off her bike. He wouldn’t have forgotten a woman as pretty as Lexi Brown. He must have seen her online. So, he did a search. It didn’t take long to find her picture, since the news orgs had uploaded so many versions of it last spring. Wow. He felt so bad for her when he read the story of her crazy ex coming into her store and threatening people. She could have been killed!

The idea of Lexi lying on the floor in a pool of blood left Kevin shaken. He pounded his way down the packed sand in hopes of dislodging the awful mental image. It didn’t happen; she was safe! Her brother-in-law had negotiated her rescue, along with her coworker, and then another cop had shot and killed her ex. Kevin wondered if Lexi blamed herself for that.

Kevin’s ex-girlfriend Emily had been tangled up in guilt over her parents’ death in a car accident she thought she caused, and it had affected their relationship to the point that Kevin had broken off their engagement. He’d felt terrible about it, but when Emily had repeatedly declared she’d never have children because something bad might happen to them, he couldn’t deal with her any longer. She’d refused to see a counselor, telling him there was nothing wrong with not wanting kids. There wasn’t. But he wanted them.

He had also escaped, like Lexi, taking this job in a remote town to avoid the censuring eyes of all their mutual friends, along with his own family. Everyone thought he’d been “mean” and should have given Emily more time. And, ironically, she was now married to someone else… and had a baby. Oh life!

Kevin kept running, then abruptly turned around. He loved how deserted this place was. The sun was setting ~ it was a perfect evening for a jog ~ and yet he was alone on this stretch of sand. He slowed to cool down. Took deep breaths of the fresh, salty air. Even though it had been a couple years since Emily, he still felt a bit raw. And Lexi was certainly still grieving. Much too soon for either of them to get involved.

But… she was so pretty. And she had such wonderful sparkling brown eyes. It was so sweet of her to invite him over for dessert tonight when he’d stopped by her gift shop yesterday. He didn’t even know why he went in there… he never went to souvenir row. But he had convinced himself he was hungry for a vegan sandwich from the place next door to her. Yeah right.

They could just be good friends though. Kindred spirits. Have smoothies together. Pick each other up when they fell off their bikes. And if they weren’t doing anything special for Thanksgiving, maybe they could spend the day together. No biggie.

Kevin showered, changed, walked over to Lexi’s place. Knocked three times.

She opened the door and the scrumptious odor of something baking wafted out. “Hi, Kevin. Come in.”

“Hey.” He immediately noticed that her eyes weren’t sparkling and her face was paler than the dusting of flour across her chin. “What’s wrong?”

[to be continued]

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Autumn Is Upon Us

I used to always say my favorite season was autumn. I love the fresh start to a school year, the Jewish holidays, cooler temps, Halloween, fall colors, cute boots, yummy pumpkin everything, early dusk accompanied by splashy sunsets, etc.

But then for a brief while I began liking summer better. Long warm days. More fun. Sundresses and sandals. Music outdoors.

I’m fickle however and have gone back to fall. Throwing boring old summer under the bus. Tired of the relentless brightness. Ready for darkness; it’s good for writing. Wanna wear my corduroy jeans and big cozy sweaters. Wanna drink mugs of steaming tea and munch sugar cookies. Cuddle up in a blanket and read about sexy heroes…

FFS, I meant to shovel the prompt words into this babble. It was really the only point of starting a post. 🙄 Oh, I have sun, yayyy. Stuck in bus. Hard to concentrate because I stayed up late watching Breaking Bad. And I will do it again tonight ~ this is my second viewing of the series, and I’ve forgotten a bunch in the past 10 years. What a kickass show it is.

I have gotten into the habit of bingeing when I love a show and why not? Makes it more fun imo. Anyway, I’m super stoked for the BB movie, which is what motivated me to begin the series again.

Happy Weekend, everyone!

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Little Blue Bear [socs]

I have a little blue bear on my desk at work. He’s a Ty beanie baby named America and I bought him when he came out after 9/11, which was shortly after I began working here (I’m writing this Friday lunchtime and will schedule it to post Saturday morning). On the left side of his tag it says that 100% of the profits from the purchase of the bear will go to Red Cross Disaster Relief. On the right side it says: “In memory of those who lost their lives in the national catastrophe that took place on September 11, 2001. We mourn for them and express our deepest sympathy to their families. God Bless America.”

A lot has changed in 18 years. My parents have both passed on. I’m divorced. My two daughters both graduated college and have gotten married. One of them has a baby, which magically makes me a grandma. I’ve moved five times. I had a relationship with a married man for two and a half years. If you believe in “bad karma,” then this gave me mine and I’ve been unable to have a happy/successful romance since. I also had a couple minor car accidents, which were horribly upsetting at the time, but in the grand scheme of things, not so bad really.

In these 18 years, I’ve been a flame warrior on Usenet, made enemies and turned them into Facebook “friends,” and since I quit FB most of them have forgotten my existence again. Perhaps that’s a good thing. I’ve been on Friendster and Twitter and Snapchat and G+ and other “social sites” too dark and dirty to mention here. I’ve experimented with different lifestyles to see if they were for me (no), and they’ve greatly enriched my fiction and poetry writing.

I’ve written a lot during these years. So so much. Poetry, novels, short stories. Zillions of blog posts and tweets. Loads of emails and texts. Have had interesting text chats with many men that I thought might “go somewhere,” but they didn’t and here I am alone, which isn’t a bad thing after all. I’m not sure anyone could really put up with me now… and vice versa.

I find that as I trudge toward my seventh decade I’m more or less the same person I was at age 14. I like to read romance novels and write poetry. I love games and puzzles, kittens and puppies, cookies and pizza. I’m not a sophisticated adult type person with advanced tastes in wine and music. Give me rock & roll and mac & cheese, woo! I’m a homebody and enjoy simple comforts. A hot shower is bliss. As I age, I’ve learned that I get more easily stressed out by other people, so I have to limit my interactions with them.

But through all this, I’ve had a good job, where I’ve been treated well. And every work day, little blue bear has been there to greet me, no matter what else is going on. I am grateful/thankful for my job and for my side work too… and for my book sales even though I wish there were more. (I’ll keep writing regardless.) When I began this post, I assumed at some point I’d say something political, but really there’s no need.❤️🧁💙

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

People Are Like Cookies

Beckie @ Beckie’s Mental Mess has a wonderful continuing series on various mental/emotional issues, and this week her focus is on introversion, a topic I apparently suggested (not that I have any memory of doing so). Soon, she’ll tackle amnesia, I hope! 😂

I’m going to answer the prompt questions that Beckie posted.

1. Are you more Isolated or Introverted?

I’m an introvert. I prefer to be alone or in small groups of close friends/family where we can have meaningful conversation. I also enjoy lots of online interaction. But I’m not isolated ~ most days I interact a little with actual people face to face and that’s fine.

2. Do you feel that there is a difference between the two?

Absolutely. You can be an introvert in the middle of a city, preferring not to talk to others while surrounded by people; while another person might be isolated due to circumstances, but not be introverted and love big parties.

3. What are the causes of being Isolated or Introverted?

Isolated can be by choice or circumstances. Introversion/extroversion traits are hardwired. I have always been exactly how I am.

4. Does your family/friends/co-workers question your behavior when you crave alone time and/or do not want to be bothered?

They don’t generally get fussed about my need for alone time. Some people have a bit of trouble understanding why I don’t wish to attend massive gatherings. A dozen or so people in a room is about the extent of my comfort level. More than that increases the noise to a point where the sound is just a wall crushing my head. There’s no way to have a real conversation either and I can’t stand nodding and smiling at BS.

I’m not talking about big open spaces like fairs or even restaurants that are designed for a lot of people. I’m talking about large social events where people are mashed together in rooms to be with each other. I just hate that. Why would I choose to go to such a thing when I could stay home with my boo kitty?🐱

5. Have you spoken to a therapist/psychiatrist in regards to being Isolated/Introverted?

No. Why would I? I’m fine!

6. What is a normal day being in your shoes?

I commute to work alone in my car to a small office where there is a moderate amount of talking, depending on the day and what needs to be done. Some days I’ll have a phone chat with one or both of my daughters for 20 minutes or so. Generally, I don’t socialize much with friends during the workweek. At night, I’ll do extra work, read, blog, etc.

7. If you were ever asked to go to dinner/party, would you go?  If not, what kind of excuses have you made up to get out of going?

Most weekends I do some sort of social thing that includes dinner, usually a potluck, followed by board games. But it’s with a reasonable number of people, like 10, not 100. Sometimes I’ll go to lunch with one friend, or to the movies with a few, or drive up to Los Angeles to hang with my family and whoever else might be at their place. I am not opposed to people! But they do need to be rationed, like cookies. Too many at once and I’ll just barf.🤮

~*~

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ36: Ends & Means

Fandango provocatively asks…

“Do you think the end or the means is more important? Explain.”

It depends on the situation.

It’s acceptable for firefighters to break down a door to save a life.

It is not acceptable for a neighbor to break down a door to grab a cookie just because they smell so delicious.

Live and learn, my friends! 🍪🍪🍪

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Fan of… Fairs!

This is for Jez’s fan challenge. Join in!

I love fairs, which may strike you as strange since I’ve said repeatedly that I enjoy silence and small gatherings. But fairs aren’t forced socializing ~ in fact, you don’t really make nonsense small talk at fairs. You chat about what’s there, more often than not, or you simply observe.

Yesterday I went to the Orange County Fair, which I usually do every year, though not always. I was pleased that my foot handled all that walking around without too much soreness (but it is definitely not all better). My two friends and I who arrived early loved the exhibits of crafts and products.

Here is an owl made of belts. This pretty much made my day.

Giant cookies looked delicious!

But we opted for the healthy fried zucchini. Gotta have your veggies.

And one friend shared her corn dog with us…

While my other friend commented that she’s seen “big ones at Disneyland.”

Hmmmm.

Moving on. Here’s a cool first prize-winner table setting with lots of science info.

And now we have some sweet miniature donkeys grooming each other.

Mary, we found your lamb right here…

Along with Daenerys’ horse from Game of Thrones.

I decided to audition for “Bennie and the Jets.”

We had really all gathered to attend a night concert however, and more of our group wandered in as the evening approached. Some went on rides, but that’s not my thing these days. Finally, it was time to take our seats at the Pacific Amphitheatre and listen to the awesome orchestra followed by a super fun show.

Hooray for the fair! See you next year! 😀

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Weekly Prompts ~ Food Cravings

My tastes haven’t changed much since I was 14, not in food or anything else really. I guess that’s sad in some ways, if you’re the type of person who believes that life should be about growth and change. Or maybe I’m just true to who I am, a girl who’s partial to grilled cheese, word games, and men with British accents. 🇬🇧

(No, that doesn’t mean I want to play Guess the Blogger with scrambled letters and obscure clues to people I don’t follow! 🙄)

So, decades later, when I crave things, it’s still the same things. Cheesy noms like mac and cheese, pizza, nachos, quesadillas, etc.

Equally, I have yearnings for the sweet side of the buffet. Chocolate chip cookies, PB cookies, lemon bars, cupcakes, pumpkin or key lime pie with graham cracker crust…

I’m not a chocoholic though and don’t usually crave chocolate by itself, though I do love homemade chocolate chip cookies, which is why I put them first. If people ask me which kind of cake is my favorite, I’ll say coconut ~ my standard answer since I was a kid.

Around once or twice a year I crave a big juicy cheeseburger from 5 Guys or In-N-Out. I usually don’t have the patience for the In-N-Out line though. This is how you can tell I was born in New York: always in a hurry, even when there’s nowhere to go.

~*~

Weekly Prompts

Late Night Quick Draw

Late Night Quick Draw ~ sorry for the oopsy. Rory seems to have deleted or rescheduled his post. Maybe it will magically reappear later. Copy pasta the questions at your own risk!

Season 1

Describe yourself in 7 words?

Funny, serious, organized, reliable, introverted, poetic, neurotic.

What do you find funny?

Yer mom.

Favourite Food?

Cookies.

Favourite Tipple?

Constant Comment black & orange tea.

Favourite Ice Cream Flavour?

Cookie dough.

Currently Reading?

The Essex Serpent.

Last Film you saw [Cinema/DVD]?

While You Were Sleeping.

Favourite Comfort Food?

Cookies.

Ideal Breakfast?

Cookies.

Favourite Music Genre?

Classic rock.

Best Holiday you have had?

Portland with my daughter.

Holiday destination you would love to see?

New Mexico might be nice.

What’s your favourite animal?

Favourite Game?

Ticket to Ride.

Favourite sport [Take part in/watch]?

Meh.

Most Favourite Nursery Rhyme Growing Up?

Pop Goes the Weasel.

Favourite Colour?

Turquoise.

What would be your perfect day?

Assuming I can’t go back in time, just a pain-free, stress-free day would be nice.