Saved by Giraffes, a Christmas Flash [325]

Santa’s hand hovered over the plate for several moments before he decided upon a particularly festive Christmas cookie. Mmm, it looked buttery and delicious…

As soon as he lifted the treat from the plate, an alarm shrieked. The lights in the house came on and a couple ran out from a back room. They looked incongruous ~ wearing happy holiday pajamas but holding scary baseball bats. Santa didn’t have any bats in his sack, just some stuffed giraffes, an electric toothbrush, and a pair of slippers. It was the end of this route.

“Hold on there,” Scary Man said. “We need to see some ID.”

Santa backed up. “ID? But I’m Santa. Look at my beard! And my red suit.”

Scary Woman laughed. It was a scary laugh. “Anyone can buy those at the party store. We looked outside and didn’t see any reindeer. Explain that!”

“They’re tired and hungry,” Santa said. “I let them hang out at the diner down the street and wait for me. The lady there said she’d give them some oatmeal.”

Scary Man remained skeptical. “Where’s your driver’s license?”

Santa reached into his bag.

“Hey!” Scary Woman raised her bat. “What are you doing?”

“Offering you a gift,” Santa said. “It’s what I do. Your other ones are wrapped, but this is extra.”

Scary Man rejected the overture. “A giraffe? Honestly, do you think we’re idiots?”

“Wait, honey,” Scary Woman said. “When I was little I had a book called A Giraffe and a Half, and it was one of the last books Mom read to me before she died.”

“Awwww.” Scary Man hugged Scary Woman, and they weren’t so scary after they put down their bats and held stuffed giraffes instead.

“Can I have my cookie now?” Santa asked as they went upstairs to bed.

Whew, that was a close call. He picked up his sack, stuffed in all the gifts, and left with his cookie. It really was delicious.

~*~

Photo courtesy of HW Daily Writing Prompts

Advertisements

10Q’s

This time from Sandmanjazz…

1. You have to take the setting from one book, plot from another, and characters from a third to create a new book: What did you take?

– Ooh fun! Let’s take the main characters from Game Of Thrones, put them in the setting from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest, and use the plot from The Shining.

2. What is your favorite candle scent?

– Cinnanom.

3. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?

– Cookies and tea, but I usually have a Clif bar and tea.

4. Did you play video games in the arcade? If yes, what was your favorite (pinball counts too)?

– No video, occasional pinball, & I don’t remember any names.

5. Pool, darts, beer pong, or something else?

– I like pool, but not if people are going to play for money or be freakishly competitive. It would be great to be rich and have my own pool table to play on alone…

6. What was the last thing you saw that made you do a double take?

– That disgusting pic of a coughed up blood clot that looks like a lung (it’s everywhere!). Apparently we’re all too fragile to hear “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” without date-raping someone, but seeing blood and disgusting violent images all the time is just fine.

7. How do you like your peanuts?

– Smashamated into butter.

8. What is your favorite lunch meat?

– Cheese.

9. Do you believe in magic?

– Oh sure. 🙄

10. What song best describes your mood right now?

– Cold As Ice.

*

Update: My bad, these questions were originally from the QoQ, Teresa!

Rule of Three

Name three things (via Rory) –

That you cannot under any circumstances live without ?

– Hot shower, hot tea, internet connection

That you write about every week?

– How I don’t miss Facebook, how I don’t miss dating, how it’s so great I’ve moved on from things I’ve given up and don’t discuss them endlessly and forever like a boring person 🙄

That you wouldn’t recommend doing whilst holding one foot in the air?

– Meeting Queen Elizabeth, reciting your wedding vows, tickling a grouchy tiger

That you say to people every day?

– Just coffee, thanks, goodnight

To do with your street?

– Ugly, noisy, busy

That you can eat with brown sauce?

– Don’t know, what this, is

You like about your favourite bloggers?

– Funny, smart, creative

That you don’t eat every week?

– Frogs’ legs, chocolate covered ants, prairie oysters

That you wished you could eat every day?

– Guacamole from Avila’s, Cathy’s chocolate chip cookies, mangoes

About your favourite pair of shoes that you like?

– Comfy, black, moccasins

That annoyingly always arrive in three?

– Unexpected expenses, work stresses, social dramas

About books you really don’t like?

– Twin mixups, getting back with exes, main characters who must return to a small town to confront their demons…

Mugging It Up

Mugs. I like mugs, OKAYYYY? Mugs are great, and not just for the obvious like tea or coffee, though I am drinking coffee out of one at the mo. It may sound like lunacy, but I like having soup and cereal in a mug (not together, derp) ~ much neater than a bowl. I also like ice cream in a mug, especially if it’s trysting with Bailey’s. Mmmbailey’s.

I like unique mugs, such as the ones pictured above. Two are from my daughter: the giraffe in the back and the Chicago one from a HS trip (it has a grammatical error though, lol). The one that says “Fran” my mom bought on a vacay to New Mexico. The silly zoo one I filled with pens and whatnot was also my mom’s. I bought the pink cupcake mug on a trip to the Huntington Gardens in San Marino. I also have a few boring but serviceable mugs that came with my set of dishes from Target.

Note that we’re not talking about dainty lil teacups you set out with fancy cookies for when the duchesses come to visit. Pffft. We’re talking mugs, people.

You might think that 10 mugs is enough for a person who lives alone like a hermit, but I don’t. I asked for more for Christmas (Chanukah really, but I wanted to use the prompt).

So, there you have it. Mugs! 😜🤪🙃

Triplets

Name three things – via the Blokey Guy:

You can dunk in tea or coffee?

– Chocolate chip cookies, sugar cookies, PB cookies. Tea only though – who dunks things in coffee? Psychos!

You can enjoy at a carnival?

– Sense of superiority, rolling my eyes, finally finding my car.

You can’t enjoy when it’s windy?

– Talking, walking, driving.

Your body can’t do?

– Run much, push-ups, pull-ups.

You don’t learn at school?

– Hot-wiring, lock-picking, safecracking.

You can put onto a pizza?

– Coconut, M&Ms, caramel.

You can eat with?

– Phone, laptop, TV.

You don’t suggest you do at home blindfolded?

– Text an ex, stand naked at the window, sharpen my knives. Especially not all three at once!

That are important to you?

– Sumatriptan, Topamax, Advil.

That you love to do at the beach?

– Leave, depart, skedaddle.

That you do in the morning?

– Grab phone, look at news, go omg what a lying shithead!

That you every time you log in to your blog?

– I use the app, so I’m never logged out, lol, but generally I check notifications first, then mosey through the reader for a bit, and lastly drag an idea out of my brainpan for a poast. 😜

Snack Time [flash 100]

“What’s this word?” Honey asked.

“Mosaic,” Sugar replied.

Cocoa laughed. “Bears can’t read! It’s not feasible. We don’t have the right skill set.”

“Reading is the farthest thing from my mind,” Honey said. “I’m trying to find a recipe.”

“Those yummy cookies the family had last week?” Sugar sniffed the air as if she could already catch a whiff of baking.

Honey rubbed her tummy. “Yes.”

“Sorry to disrupt the fantasy,” Cocoa said. “But this isn’t a cookbook.”

The bears were sad for twenty-seven seconds, but then they forgot because they were bears. Also, they ate the book.

The End.

~*~

Inspired by a photo from The Haunted Wordsmith.

PS: To nitpickers, I know the diff between further and farther, but these are bears, so give them a break. 🐻

I Fits in Here

My cat believes in the open drawer policy. That is, any drawer left open is fair game to explore or nap in. If I have my socks nicely organized, he will scramble them all up. He’s not big on themes. As far as closets and cabinets, he can open most of those by himself, and often does, just to snoop around and see if there’s anything new or to snooze on my shooze.

Last week, he became agitated that the cabinet over the fridge hadn’t been investigated in a while and complained until I opened it. He then checked out the blender and the old c00kie tin, until he was satisfied they didn’t contain anything interesting. Little did he know that the c00kie tin is in fact full of fun plastic c00kie cutters that he would love to bat all over the floor until they disappeared under the fridge or stove.

Let’s just keep that our little secret, k? 🤫

Octolages

As is my way, I’m doing City Sonnet’s photo challenge in one swell foop. This time, the whole month will be right here in one poast! How exciting! Since I didn’t want to overwhelm my readers with 31 full-size pics in predictable order, I mashed them up in collages. First, I will poast the key, and then I’ll show you my photo art. You can match them up if you like, or simply enjoy for a minute and return to your normally scheduled life.

Blue Sky

No, this isn’t about Breaking Bad or the ELO song. It’s a pile of questions I found here on an open tag game, and I’m just grabbing them without following the rules or using the banner cuz that’s how I roll. If any of the questions annoy me, I’ll delete them and possibly substitute my own. Then it’s your turn to play. Or else. 🔥

~*~

1. What country have you never visited but would love to, and why?

– I want to visit England and see majestic old crumbly things like the Queen and have tea and cucumber snadwiches and browse in bookshops and hear men speak in sexy British accents all day (swoonsies).

2. What person in your life (not including family members) has most shaped who you are today?

– Probably my ex-husband of 21 years.

3. List three things that make you happy?

– Kitties, poetry, tea.

4. What’s your favorite genre to read?

– Romance.

5. What time period in history most intrigues you, and why?

– That time when whales walked on land and then went back into the ocean and lost their feets. I haz questions.

6. If you could add a new talent to your repertoire, what would it be, and why?

– Repertoire, lol. I would like to have a sense of direction, thx.

7. Where is your favorite place in the world, and why?

– Anywhere with both my daughters, all of us having a good time.

8. What animal best describes your personality, and why?

– Hermit crab. I like to be home alone, and I’m crabby.

9. What’s your favorite recipe (and please share it)?

– Tea and c00kies. You make some tea and get some c00kies from the c00kie package. Serve with a napkin. Hope that wasn’t too technical.

10. Hiking boots, sneakers, heels, or flip-flops?

– Eh? Cute boots or loafers. Occasional heels but not high ones. Sneakers for long walks. Long meaning over a mile. 😂

11. Would you rather have tons of love and little wealth, or tons of wealth and little love?

– Wealth, tons of. Then watch the love roll in. I know how it works.

12. What’s your favorite flower? Any special reason?

– Yellow roses edged with pink. Also sunflowers and orchids. I love a super colorful bouquet 💐 most of all. No reason.

13. What word do you find annoying, and you hear it all the time?

– It starts with T.

14. What bends your mind every time you think about it?

– The first person who figured out how to make bread. It’s so freaking complicated with a bunch of steps and not something that would have happened by accident.

15. What is in your fridge right now?

– Bread, whale feets. The usual.

K, I’m done. Deleted the rest. Now you!

Me? Weird??

The what-if prompt is weird things to eat and honestly I don’t think I eat anything weird! But here’s the actual weird thing: other people have often commented on my “weird” eating habits.

1. I’ve gone through many vegetarian phases, which lots of meat eaters find odd. Not sure why it’s strange to prefer a yummy baked potato and veggies over a hunk of rotting flesh, but whatevs. I’m not vegetarian at the moment and have enjoyed a few steak meals this year. Mmm dead cow.

2. With rare exceptions, I don’t like soup unless I’m sick. It’s just so salty and boring. Every bite tastes the same. Spoon after spoon after spoon. Yawnnnn.

3. I used to eat cottage cheese and salsa, and there is literally nothing strange about this when people always have cheese and/or sour cream with salsa in their tacos and burritos. But since no one thinks of cottage cheese as part of a Mexican dish, it’s me being “weird.” Um no. It’s me being innovative, hello. But I don’t eat this now because salsa = heartburn. Aging, bah.

4. I often save dessert for breakfast. Here’s the thing. Dessert is yummy, but it has the calories of an entire meal and I don’t want to eat an entire meal after I’ve eaten a meal. It’s not enjoyable. So, why not take it home and enjoy it the next day when I’m hungry again? Why is this weird? It’s not!

5. As I’ve said, I don’t like grapefruit or oranges. Apparently everyone else does. Goody, more for you!

6. I eat peanut butter on a spoon for a snack. Preferably creamy PB, but I will eat crunchy if that’s all there is. Again, I see nothing weird about this. I have gradually begun to appreciate a drop of honey on my PB ~ better than a c00kie! ~ though this is best done over the sink.

7. I love love love avocados 🥑! Mere words cannot do justice to their deliciousness. I can eat a whole one with salt & pepper sometimes for dinner with nothing else and be perfectly satisfied. I do admit this is probably out of the ordinary.

8. Unlike our gobblement, I’m not conflicted about eggs. I love them and they love me, no changing my mind every damn year. Now that I’m not eating so much bread, I’m making nomlettes more often, usually with cheese unless I forget to buy cheese. Sometimes I’ll make scrambled or poached eggs and veggies. Other times I’ll make hard-boiled eggs to bring to work with salad stuffs.

Obviously there’s nothing weird about liking eggs, but invariably there will be some troll who will say oh well if you are sad about the way cute cuddly animals are treated, what about poor egg-laying chickens? It’s true I wish all animals were treated better, and my heart ❤️ goes out to all the creatures, even the ones I eat, but [excuses]. The great thing about WordPress is the troll blocking feature, I always say. 😀

Happy weekend nomz!