Tag Archives: cake

For My Next Husband

My first husband and I “eloped” to Vegas. We told both sets of parents (mine were upset), but basically we wanted to do something impulsive and fun ~ we were in our mid-20s, independent, so no big deal. When we returned, my mother bought us a cake from the grocery store. The marriage lasted one year.

My second husband and I had a nice wedding, though small. It was at a hotel with a snooty French chef who didn’t “do” pastry. He also refused to allow outside food in “his” restaurant. He made us a baked Alaska as a compromise. That marriage lasted 21 years.

So, the one thing I absolutely require at my next wedding, should there be one, is a real actual proper WEDDING CAKE. And that brings us to this song: “Doll Parts,” written by Courtney Love in 1994. It’s not exactly a romantic song, but it’s honest, dammit, and that’s what counts.

These songs are for Bee’s month of music prompts. 🌹

V4L Challenge 6

Chantal’s Chocolate Surprise

Chantal felt sad after dumping Cupid via text, but they’d only been dating a few weeks and she wanted to get it over with before another night passed. Not to be cynical, but she suspected his attraction to her was merely physical.

This new guy was different! His attraction couldn’t be physical because she’d been looking her worst when they’d first met.

“I’m allergic to nuts too,” he’d said as he took her blood pressure in the hospital after Cupid had gone home.

Chantal smiled at him as he introduced himself as Chad, the night nurse. “It’s such a bummer, Chad, since I love chocolate so much.”

He laughed. “Me too! If I could have three wishes, one of them would be all that nuts should magically disappear from chocolate.”

“Especially brownies since those are my favorite,” Chantal said. “But I just make my own.”

“I love cooking and baking,” Chad said. “But it’s dream time now though. You need your rest.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll dream of baking brownies without nuts.”

He smiled. “I’ll think about eating them as I finish my shift.”

As she looked into his eyes, she felt a sizzle down her spine and a warm cozy feeling spread throughout her body. “Did you give me a muscle relaxer?”

“No, the doctor didn’t order additional meds for you,” Chad said. “Why?”

“I just feel… different,” she said.

“I kind of do too,” he admitted. “Maybe after you’re discharged we should bake something chocolatey together. I’m not working tomorrow night.”

They had made a date for tonight and exchanged numbers.

I’m missing you already! Chantal danced around her kitchen and set the baking ingredients out on her counter. She lit a romantic candle that smelled like cinnamon and put a CD of love songs on to play. She couldn’t wait until Chad arrived so she could give him a big bear hug! Maybe for their next date they could have a picnic in the park in the sunshine. Chantal began to plan the menu in her head ~ of course she’d bake a special chocolate dessert…

Knock knock! Chantal forced herself to walk calmly to the door. When she opened it, two men stood there.

“Hi honey!” Chad said. “This is Brad.”

“Brad?” Chantal was confused.

“We do everything together,” Brad said.

“Everything,” Chad echoed. “So, how about those brownies?”

“Ughhh!” Chantal slammed the door in their faces and stomped back to the kitchen.

Dammit! She had really wanted brownies. Well, she could still make them. No reason why she couldn’t bake delicious brownies for herself. She didn’t need to share them with a man. Love sucks!

💔💔💔💔💔

QoQ

Haven’t done a pile of questions in a few days and these are about one of my fave topics… food!

Today’s questions:

1. What is your favorite chocolate dessert?

– Here’s (yet another) weird thing about me. I love chocolate in its pure form, like a delicious truffle, but not that much in cake or ice cream ~ though I do love choc chip cookies. I have a favorite brownie, which is like candy, in that its from the Ghirardelli mix with extra fudgy wudgy gooeyness. But only that brownie.

2. Where do you go first in the grocery store?

– Produce

3. You win three minutes of free shopping in the grocery store with an empty cart…what do you fill it with?

– All the books

4. What is your favorite fruit and how do you like to eat it?

– Mango, dripping over the sink like a barbarian

5. You go to a magic cafe where plates fill with whatever you request…what do you get?

– Seafood pasta

6. How do you like your fish?

– COOKED

7. Do you eat jello (what is your favorite flavor)?

– Meh

8. What is the most, ahem, “adult” food you can think of?

– Grape Nuts 😝

9. What food do you eat that might put you in the “old” age?

– Salad?

10. Mall food courts…yes, no, where do you eat?

– Barf, those places are disgusting. Panda Express! 😂

Question Jambalaya

I’m mixing all the questions I’ve been marinating in my drafts folder together in one delicious, deluxe poast for a Friday pre-Christmas jambalaya… yummy!

From Kristian:

1. What will you be eating on the 25th of December?

– That’s a good Q! I don’t know ~ I’m seeing the fam on Sunday and Monday, but No. 1 Daughter has to drive back to NorCal on the 25th, so that might just be me-time. Maybe a long walk to clear my head, then writing all day. Food, eh.

2. What would you like to see happen in 2019?

– Much less chaos/drama/craziness in every way and in every area of life… and if only our leaders could set a good example, but obviously they can’t or won’t… we can still strive for calm in small ways however and take steps to eliminate drama from our lives. I’ve been doing this for some time and plan to continue.

3. Name three things you are grateful for.

– Family, job, relatively good health.

From TaoTalk:

1. Who is your favorite actress? What’s your favorite movie she is in?

– Meg Ryan. When Harry Met Sally.

2. Who is your favorite actor? What’s your favorite movie he is in?

– Tom Hanks. You’ve Got Mail.

3. Who is your hero(ine)?

– My real life friend Judene.

4. If you could live anywhere (and your family wanted to go with you and you could afford it), where would you live?

– NYC.

5. What’s your fondest memory from childhood?

– Visiting the Natural History Museum in NYC.

6. What’s your fondest memory from adulthood?

– Going to the fair with my girls and my mom.

7. If you could meet one celebrity who would it be?

– Stephen King.

8. Cake or pie?

– I’ve had so much cake that I… oh hell cake.

9. What’s your favorite kind of tree?

– Weeping willow.

10. Coat or layers?

– Layers, then coat.

11. If you could be one person for a day, who would you be and what would you do?

– Bill Gates, and he would decide to transfer half his money to me.

From The Haunted Wordsmith:

1. Smashed apples, peaches, pears, or bananas?

– Er, must I? Bananas, I guess… then I will make banana bread with chocolate chips!

2. What body part (of yours) has been smashed the most (keep your mind out of the gutter lol)?

– My head, when I squoosh it to try to stop the pain.

3. What world record would you like to smash?

– Woman miraculously cured of migraines and tinnitus at age 57! By eating c00kies! All hail the power of sugar! And butter. Don’t forget the butter.

4. Which two books would be better if they were smashed together?

The Scarlet Letter and The Happy Hooker.

5. What two songs would be good smashed together?

– “I Need A Lover” and “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend”

6. Which one would you smash together: US and Europe (wipe out the Atlantic Ocean) or US and Asia (wipe out the Pacific)?

– I don’t like smashing Europe bc then there’s no hope of the resurgence of Atlantis. “Down below the ocean…” But I’m a bit scared of eliminating the Pacific. What happens to Australia? I don’t want their scary snakes over here.

7. What foods are best served out of a blender?

– Idk, milkshakes?

8. What is your biggest pet peeve?

– People trying to sneak scary Australian snakes over here (glares).

9. It’s the Purge…do you participate? (If yes, what do you do?)

– Kill all the men, round up the sheep, and… oh wait, wrong movie.

10. You see a smashed window and an open store…do you loot?

– No. Could be loose snakes in there.

11. Have you ever thrown something through a window?

– So I could go looting? Good plan! Um no.

12. What movie would you like to see smashed into millions of non-repairable bits?

– Tusk.

13. Genghis Khan, Xerxes, Patton, Hitler, Stalin, Churchill, Alexander the Great, or Leonidas…which one(s) would be most successful at smashing the alt-right back into the time-out corner?

– All we need is… Retired Lieutenant Stan the Nazi-Fighting Man! 😀

Sunshine in Winter

I know it’s not quite winter yet, but brrrr.

Crushed Caramel (such a yummy name!) has nominated me for a Sunshine Award! Bunches of warm thanks, Mel! ❤️❤️❤️

My first task is to answer Mel’s questions:

1. IF YOU AND I WERE GOING TO DANCE TOGETHER – WHAT SONG WOULD IT BE TO?

– Hmm, I’m not much of a dancer, but I love oldies, so how about… the Beatles “Rock and Roll Music?”

2. HAVE YOU MADE ANY CONFESSIONS IN YOUR BLOGGING POSTS ABOUT MOMENTS OF MADNESS IN YOUR LIFE OR TIMES YOU WERE ALMOST IN TROUBLE WITH THE AUTHORITIES? (I know that some of my nominees have shared a long list of their confessions already, so please do pick the most outrageous!)

– I always obey the law (hi Stan), but I’ve had plenty of documented moments of madness aka “dating.”

3. WHAT IS THE MOST UNUSUAL OR MEMORABLE DISH YOU HAVE EVER EATEN?

– My parents along with a waiter coerced me to eat a snail when I was 11, and it was absolutely disgusting. My parents liked unusual things and I didn’t mind some of them, but you shouldn’t force people, especially children. Now my diet is pretty tame compared to back then.

4. ARE THERE CHARACTERS FROM ANY MOVIES OR NOVELS THAT YOUR FRIENDS COMPARE YOU TO?

– Not to my face.

5. ARE THERE ANY QUALITIES YOU ADMIRE IN OTHER PEOPLE AND WISH YOU HAD TO A GREATER EXTENT?

– I wish I were more assertive early on. My problem is that I’m too nice and too accommodating… for a while. Eventually I say no and draw a boundary line, which freaks some people out. I wish I would put the boundaries in place much sooner. But I don’t because I’m curious like a kitty. I like to test things out and see what might happen.

6. HAVE YOU ANY EXPERIENCE OF ACTING, SPEAKING, SINGING OR DANCING ON A STAGE?

– I’ve done stand-up comedy.

7. APART FROM REMOVING ANY PARTICULAR POLITICIANS, IS THERE ANY ISSUE OR PROBLEM IN THIS WORLD THAT YOU FEEL PASSIONATELY YOU WOULD LIKE TO CHANGE?

– I wish we would stop destroying our oceans, mistreating dogs and cats, and ruining every experience with noise.

8. IF I WERE TO MAKE YOU YOUR DREAM CAKE – WHAT WOULD THAT CAKE BE?

– Lemon 🍋 cake with coconut frosting.

9. WHAT WOULD YOU LOVE TO SEE ON THE FRONT PAGE OF THE NEWSPAPERS TOMORROW MORNING? (other than than any particular politician being abducted by aliens)

– US Prez and VP dead (not abducted cuz then they might be returned) of natural causes, like the flu, and Nancy Pelosi at the helm.

10. HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN INTERNET ROMANCE OR AN INTERNET CRUSH YOU WERE TO SHY TO CONFESS?

– Me, shy? Nope. If I have a crush, the internet is the first to know.

11. YOU ARE ON MY LIST OF NOMINEES BECAUSE YOU CONSISTENTLY MAKE YOUR POSTS INTERESTING, YOU ARE FULL OF PERSONALITY AND YOU SUPPORT THE BLOGGING COMMUNITY SO MUCH – BUT TELL ME, ARE YOU LIKE THIS IN REAL LIFE?

I’m the same everywhere, except in real life I am (as stated above) sometimes squishy about saying no, which is actually an unkindness in the long run, since I will eventually find my iron will, and then things may not be fun.

Okay, now I’m supposed to write my own 11 questions and tag 11 bloggers, but as we know, these tags come here to die. There are loads of fun question poasts floating around Blogville though, so no one who wants one will be deprived.

Have a great Monday!

Carrot Cake Rant

I wasn’t looking for anything extraordinary, just a carrot cake recipe made with almond flour. Google, google, google. No! I do not want paleo recipes made without sugar (yucky) or vegan recipes made without eggs (ick). I cleverly redid my search with minus signs in front of those words.

Why are all the recipes for two-layer cakes? My annoyance is burgeoning. I minus the word layers and put in the word sheetcake. OH PARDON ME IT’S TWO WORDS. (I left the one word here to be funny. I am funny! People have said. Many people.) A million recipes appear and each one has a list of one million ingredients each. Why do I need half a thimble of magic glitter from a hummingbird’s wing to make a FUCKING CARROT CAKE? I want to take a blunt instrument and smash my computer to bits, but I can’t because my daughters gifted it to me after I destroyed my last one.

Also, why do recipe bloggers jabber on in enormous essays before the text of their recipes? NO ONE CARES about your vacation in Chattanooga or wherever the fuck to visit Aunt Mildred. Just put that on another page along with stories about your dog and your gallbladder operation. We are only here for the recipe! That’s what we googled! And no one needs to see a macro close up photo of your pan. We all know what a pan looks like. And a spatula stuck in batter. JESUS F. CHRIST.

Okay, so maybe I need a mentor to show me how to internet. Idk. Why is it so hard to find things anymore? I can’t find good vids on YouTube these days. Recipes are a pain in the ass. The only thing that still works great ~ actually better than ever ~ are maps. Google maps. I use them constantly. Not to get anywhere, silly. Why would I want to leave my apartment? (There are people out there, gahhh!) But to have the characters in my stories go places and do things.

My NaNo protagonist has to go up to Fresno for a funeral. Then she’ll be off to Aruba and it has to sound legit. I can’t go to Aruba myself to research there personally, though if anyone has been to Aruba feel free to leave me some cool deets. No deets necessary on Fresno. I’m doing great, btw… almost 6K words, hopefully 7K by the end of the day!

I did find the almond flour sheet cake carrot cake with a normal number of ingredients, if anyone cares. I will make it soon.

Creepy Questions 😱

From the Blokey Guy… if you want to play, visit his link, but the basic rule is C&P and do not delete any of the questions marked with a P… or else! 🙀☠️👿

Daily Topic Subject – Just Creepy

Q1] Favourite all time creepy monster or villain?

– Rather partial to Johnny Depp’s Barnabas Collins.

Q2] Pumpkin Pie or what is your favorite pie at Halloween?

– I didn’t know we were supposed to eat pie at Halloween ~ I’ll get right on that! Pumpkin sounds good to me, iff it has a graham cracker crust.

Q3] What is something you most assuredly wouldn’t want to bump into in a darkened alleyway?

– Stephen Miller.

Q4] Have you ever dabbled with the dark side .. l don’t mean Bloody Mary either l mean Ouija?

– Not really, but I’m not opposed to it.

PQ5] What’s your most favorite Halloween movie that you just have to watch over, and over and over again every Halloween? [Link Please]

Young Frankenstein

Q6] Are you superstitious? [How so?]

– Not seriously, but you have to make decisions somehow in a world full of chaos, so having “lucky numbers” and that kind of nonsense isn’t the worst thing unless you do actual harm. Forex, I like to buy 8 things at a time, not 7 or 9. If I have 9 things, I’ll add Tictacs to make 10.

PQ7] If you found yourself trapped in a horror movie which one would it be?

– The one where I keep joining dating sites and meeting crazy men at Starbucks. Oh wait…

Q8] On the subject whilst we are here, have you ever played Bloody Mary?

– I don’t know what that is, so no.

Q9] Oh golly jeepers, you have awoken in the night to hear footsteps in the house .. who you gonna call?

– It’s just my cat, RIGHT? 🐱

Q10] So it’s dark and creepy, and you have just been dared to visit the local Cemetery would you do it?

– No, but not because I’m afraid of ghosts ~ because I’m afraid of humans who might be hanging out there doing drug deals or whatever.

Q11] After watching a scary flick, can you just go to bed, or do you have to do something cheery first?

– I have to leave the lights on!

PQ12] It’s Halloween, you are music master at the party, what are your first five songs going to be played to kick start the night?

– Monster Mash, Spooky, Rhiannon, Witchy Woman, Bad Moon Rising.

Q13]  Favorite all time scary creepy spooky book?

– Stephen King’s The Shining.

Q14] You have been invited to the ultimate Monster Mash party and it’s fancy costume – who are you going as?

– Little Red Writing Hood.

PQ15] Are you doing anything for Halloween this year? If so what?

– Probably the Saturday before but not on the actual day.

Q16] You are a junior witch going onto ‘sleep away camp’, you have to take a familiar with you and your choices are:

Black Cat ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Toad

Owl

Bat

Rat

Critter

What are you going to pick and why?

– Cat because cat.

Q17] You have been chosen to make the tea cakes for the party and they have to look spooky what are you going to make?

– White cakes with red jello drippings all topped with swirls of fleshy pink frosting!

Q18] How old were you when you saw your first horror movie – what was it – provide link?

– My mom and I watched Creature Features in our basement while doing jigsaw puzzles. Saw all sorts of horrible things: monsters ripping off heads in ski lodges, reptiles taking over Florida, beasts eating sailors on submarines, etc. Movies (and books) were never censored for me, which is probably not the best way. BECAUSE NOW LOOK.

Q19] Are you easily scared?

– I can talk myself down from fictional scenes. People are another matter entirely. Anyone who isn’t terrified of the current U.S. gov’t right now is not paying attention.

PQ20] Are you deleting any questions, if so which ones?

– Nopers.

Q21] It’s Halloween, you have three choices which do you pick? Party, Trick or Treating or staying at home curtain closed watching spooky stuff?

– Dismantling the patriarchy. I mean party. Damn autocorrect.

Invisible Disability Week

Shout out to Invisibly Me for alerting me to our special week. (Today I’m using this in lieu of the usual prompts.) I note that migraines are at the top of the invisible disabilities list ~ what a great honor, lol. But I don’t want to neglect any of my other issues ~ I also have chronic neck and back pain.

Are those disabilities? Well, they prevent me from walking more than about three miles at a time, so I have to plan events carefully and decline quite a few. I can’t stand in long lines either. And it’s difficult for me to sit for more than a few minutes on benches without backs, like at stadiums. Regardless of how careful I am, I wake up every morning with a bunch of lower back pain that eases a little after a hot shower and some moving around. I realize many people have it so much worse, and I may too eventually. It’s definitely worse than it was ~ five years ago I could walk five miles and only be somewhat sore.

But my main disability is migraine disease, which is invisible and afflicts millions. Luckily for us, the drug companies are always trying to come up with new meds to help our suffering, since there’s so much money on the table. I take Topamax twice a day and Sumatriptan as needed. I also take ibuprofen pretty much daily for my achies. Sometimes I can divert a migraine with extra strength Excedrin instead of the Suma, which is great, since insurance allows only 9 Suma per month. I get a few migraines per week, though they generally are not the agonizing kind some sufferers have. They’re just painful, nauseating, and annoying.

As an aside, these issues layered on top of all my bad experiences with narcissists, liars, nutballs, and stalkers, and added to my own emotional bruises, have formed themselves into a barbed wire stay away cake that lurks in my attic whenever I peek in to see if any of my romantic frocks are ready to be tried on again. Oh well. The thing about cakes is they can’t be unbaked.

I try not to brood and spiral into sadness over these issues, though occasionally I do. Instead, I tell myself I’m lucky and should feel thankful and grateful. This isn’t because I’m comparing myself to others who have it worse and going neener neener, but because objectively speaking I can take stock of the good things in my life and focus on them. If I forget, there’s always a loud meow and a paw smooshed in my eye at 5am to remind me.

Serendipity

Smash the lies to bits:

You didn’t wake up like this.

We know you know we know,

And we’re keeping your secret

As you scamper through the meadow,

Singing you’re hap-hap-happy

To be alone and might book a cruise

To Greece, while your gaze

Slips to the trees.

You slyly search for a knight on a steed,

But alas there’s only a wounded buck–

Don’t take him home!

You run and stumble,

Twist an ankle in a rabbit hole…

No cake here, girlfriend,

No grinning cats, no mad queens;

Just a bag of ice and crushed dreams.

Leave the cute meets and serendipity

For starry-eyed writers, hey?

You have bills to pay.

~*~

Via the RDP: Serendipity

Octolages

As is my way, I’m doing City Sonnet’s photo challenge in one swell foop. This time, the whole month will be right here in one poast! How exciting! Since I didn’t want to overwhelm my readers with 31 full-size pics in predictable order, I mashed them up in collages. First, I will poast the key, and then I’ll show you my photo art. You can match them up if you like, or simply enjoy for a minute and return to your normally scheduled life.