Tag Archives: cake

MP2: Life of the Party

LOTP

 

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!

 

I saw Life of the Party last weekend with a friend, predisposed to enjoy it because (1) I love Melissa McCarthy, and (2) I was in the mood for a fun movie. I may have mentioned that I generally want movies to be entertaining, not history lessons or preachy screeds. But…

While LOTP had some funny moments, I have to give it a meh overall. It’s just too stupid and at times downright cringey. I get that MM as Deanna overplays the helicopter mom part, so into her mommishness she becomes the most unsexy wife on the planet, with her frumpy sweatshirts and Hallmark card cheerfulness, which is somehow the biggest turn-on to a certain frat dude because tastes vary, and we can go with that (gah). No, we can. We’ll go with that! But I just can’t deal with the fact that her daughter appears fine with this cougarish relationship, and her daughter’s sorority friends are chill with it as well.

Next, the divorce. I don’t care what state this “Decatur” is supposed to be in ~ Georgia, Illinois, Indiana (seems Midwestern)? I actually just googled “decatur wildcats” to make sure it isn’t a real thing. But no way does some jerkface divorce his wife after 20+ years and arbitrarily decide she gets no money when he’s been supporting her all along. I don’t care if the house is in his name. She gets alimony. I understand that the plot needs Deanna to suddenly go broke so her college friends can hold a fundraiser and have the Shakira moment yada, but it’s all wrong. Sorry.

Deanna’s “vampire” roommate is a ridic throwaway character, only there to set up the ending, but they could have made her an actual funny character. Why not? Lazy writing. Some of the other sorority girls, same deal. They are almost funny, but not quite.

Then jerkface and the real estate blonde. Totally unbelievable that they’re a couple. She’s this glam beyotch and he’s so yuck. I guess he has money, but still. And Deanna/jerkface’s daughter, who is so loving and perfect, somehow doesn’t notice all the nasty captions on the photos at the wedding? She’s fine with them totally trashing her mom ~ and not only that but frat dude (beyotch’s son, conveniently), who is in lurve with Deanna, is fine with it also. Eh wot?

Deanna vandalizing the wedding reception of jerkface and beyotch gives me the cringies. Not funny. Cakes are sacred! Why would you hurt an innocent cake? Major cringies also from Deanna’s friend Christine who keeps dragging her (own) husband off to have sex everywhere, bleh. I really would like to know what happens at these writers meetings.

“Hey, let’s give the main character a friend, kay?”

“Great idea. We should make her a super-horny friend.”

“Yeah! Horny! How about a married woman who is always horny?”

“For other women’s husbands?”

“No, like, for her OWN husband!”

“Whoa, that’s wild! Let’s do it. People will LOVE IT!”

Love love love. So funny. Especially after the 17th time.

Didn’t hate LOTP, the 80s party was fun, and there were a few laughs, but it certainly fell short of expectations. Onward to the big pile of movies coming out on June 8th! Yahoo!

 

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Orange

noorange

Never cared much for orange. It doesn’t complement my skin tone and it’s a sharp, nervous color. Hurry up, orange says, we haven’t got all day. While yellow connotes happy sunshine, and red reminds me of romantic valentines, orange taps its toe impatiently, obnoxiously. And don’t get me started on oranges themselves with their nasty little pits and stringy skin. Blech! (If we’re discussing orange cake, that’s another matter entirely.) The juice is fine, especially mixed with mango. But as for the colors, I much prefer to wander among the cool, smooth blues and greens and purples, taking my time.

 ~*~

The Daily Prompt: Orange

Another Reach into the Archives

Bouquet. [50-word drabble]

She ran, laughing, plucking flowers at random until her arms overflowed. This one, she cried! And this one and this. Each time she had found the most glorious blossom ever, another flower even more vibrant beckoned. Soon, reaching for the next would mean dropping them all. I watched, and waited.

~*~

The Daily Prompt: Reach

TJ’s Lemonade Cupcakes

ZOMG a cupcake poast! Next thing, she’ll be writing about shoes! Hey, you never know… I do have a coupon from DSW. 😉

For a while now I’ve pretended not to notice that Trader Joe’s has been deliberately and wantonly tempting me to buy their luscious looking pink and yellow lemonade cupcakes sneakily displayed in the dessert section, where naturally I would have to see them. And you know what they say about temptation: the easiest way to get rid of it is just to give in to it already, and so today I did that.

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They’re very pretty, no frills cupcakes. No sprinkles or doodads adorn these treats. Just cake and frosting, fin.

The cake is surprisingly dense ~ this is not light and fluffy party cake, my peeps. It has a heavy texture, almost muffin-like, but not oily. And it is highly flavored, very citrussy. Definitely not overly sweet. Serious cake happening here. The frosting is lemon cream cheese, a perfect complement.

Very tasty overall, though heavy. The nutritional info says one cupcake has 320 calories, which is considerably less than a Sprinkle’s lemon, but it feels just as satisfying. I’m kinda over the gourmet cupcake, tbh, which is why you don’t see me yapping about them much anymore. This isn’t because I’ve hopped onto the next trend (idk even know what the next trend is), but because I got a little bored chasing after cupcakes, not that I’d turn one down if it magically appeared in front of me, and also… heartburn, bleh.

But it was fun to have one of these lemonades. OK FINE I HAD TWO. Geez.

20160423_130710

Ziggy Stardust and Coconut Cake

My first exposure to David Bowie happened when I was 14, babysitting for the neighbors. I’d been sick for a while… I was sick a lot. I put the kids to bed and turned on the TV. Got a piece of homemade coconut cake that the mom had made. There was a concert on… weird guy, dressed so crazy, singing such awesome stuff. I didn’t know then that I was watching the Ziggy persona… all I knew was that this was sofa king cool. The music, the hair, the eyes, the makeup, the costume! It took me the whole concert to finish the piece of cake in miniscule bites because I hadn’t eaten in so long, even though it was incredibly delicious. From then on, whenever I hear a Bowie tune the taste/smell memory of coconut cake flashes in my head. Maybe that’s why I love him so much.

Plus he’s just so damn great. Hard to pick a fave. Space Oddity. Young Americans. Let’s Dance. Modern Love. China Girl. Changes. Rebel Rebel. Jean Genie. All The Young Dudes. The Man Who Sold The World. The music he wrote for LabyrinthAnd of course Under Pressure with Freddie Mercury (another R&R giant whom I adore). I think maybe that one is my favorite.

I just ordered Bowie’s last album Blackstar, which won’t be in stock until the 17th. Can’t wait to listen. I vowed not to buy things I don’t need this year, but I do need this.

RIP David Bowie.

Ziggy

Say Yes to the Marquess

This romance novel’s title is likely a play on the TV show “Say Yes to the Dress,” and it makes sense because Tessa Dare’s book is all about convincing the reluctant Clio she should still wed whazzface even though he ran off to do mysterious work for the Crown and she’s been all abandoned and gossiped about for 8 years. Rafe, whazzface’s hunky prizefighter brother, is trying to do the convincing. I don’t think I need to say any more about that, do I?

I really enjoyed this book, except for when Rafe breaks character to give Clio a totally ridic flowery speech about her looks. Otherwise, the writing is top-notch. The characters are super-interesting and complex ~ not just the protags, but also her sisters, his trainer, etc. The twists and turns kept me guessing exactly how the story would get to the HEA, and I totes appreciate that. The one thing about the resolution I didn’t like so much was a “telling not showing” of Clio’s discussion with whazzface, said convo important to her character development.

There is cake in this book. A LOT OF CAKE. Wedding cake after wedding cake. There is a completely awesome cake scene that you need to read if you love cake and sex (who doesn’t love cake?). The leitmotif (!!!) continues throughout the story. I am particularly drawn to the cake in Say Yes because I never had a proper wedding cake, the lack of which I am convinced doomed my marriages.

Cake: it’s what’s for breakfast.

PWC

Image

Wordless Wednesday

NF carrot

The Sum of All Kisses

The only reason I slogged through this more boring than a boring boring book by Julia Quinn is because I’m on vacation and have plenty of free time to read. Also, it started out slightly promising by giving us a hero with exceptional math ability. Which, as we all know, is hot.

Kiss

Now, I’m the first one to admit that my own writing is somewhat lacking in the plot department, but that doesn’t mean I want to read someone else’s novel that has no plot whatsoever. TSOAK had nothing. It was a repulsive romp through a couple weeks in the lives of ridiculouly rich titled people back in 182o’s England ~ people that no one could possibly care about, ever.

The premise is that the brilliant hero Hugh gets drunk off his ass and forgets the cards he previously memorized, loses a game, and accuses his friend of cheating. Hugh is such an arrogant jerk about his “perfect” memory he can’t for a minute even consider the possibility that he fucked up. So, there’s a duel, the guys shoot each other accidentally, and the story begins three years later with their vapid relatives and friends dealing with the etiquette involved in facing the two dudes at various parties and weddings. That’s the plot, plus a stupid twist at the end to create another hypercharged meaningless situation to pull the lovers apart for a couple hours.

The heroine Sarah is a silly, selfish girl. She “hates” Hugh even before she meets him because she blames him for the fact that three years ago she couldn’t have her debutante season and snag a husband. Apparently since her cousin was the other duelist, her family had to stay on the down low for a while. Now she’s an old maid of 21, waaaah! Also, major drama ~ Sarah hates playing the piano in the family music ensemble thingie, so will she be able to finagle her way out of the next command performance or not?! Wow, stay tuned. (Geddit?)

So, Sarah’s a spoiled complainy princess, while Hugh is a grumpy self-hating oaf. And the other characters are all fluff-brained people with meaningless lives who flit about from one ritzy estate to another. OMG WHICH CARRIAGE AM I RIDING IN?!? Also, there’s a constant theme of who can make the wittiest, snarkiest comment over nothing at all, and even that gets old quickly because there is nothing of substance happening, ever.

There was no actual interesting math either ~ Hugh keeps quickly multiplying big numbers in his head for people’s amusement. Blah. I’m totes never reading another Julia Quinn book. While you can’t really expect a romance novel to be deep and meaningful, they are supposed to be diverting and FUN.

Oh, there was serious cake, but even that didn’t save this book.

 

A Whore’s Breakfast

My new band name.

The first time I remember reading the phrase “a whore’s breakfast” was in Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Are you old enough to remember when that book was a thing? Good. As I vaguely recall, some mean bastard husband (are there any other kind?) said that to his wife when she and the kids were having birthday cake for breakfast.

I loved the phrase, especially because I’ve been eating cake for breakfast ever since I learned to count calories. Instead of smashing all my calories into an enormous dinner, I often save the dessert for the next day. I don’t like feeling full at bedtime, and it’s fun to look forward to cake (or pie, if you’re one of the weirdos who prefer pie to cake) in the AM.

(Sometimes I have dessert instead of dinner just to mix it up. Yes, I am a wild and crazy chick.)

Urban Dico says that a whore’s breakfast is coffee and a cigarette though. Or possibly a Coke. Hmm. Those just sound like high school breakfasts to me. Not that being in HS and being a whore have to be mutually exclusive.

I prefer to think of cake, especially birthday cake, as the true whore’s breakfast. It’s just so decadent and anti-traditional. Goes against everything your mom told you was Right & Good.

My bosses bought a delicious red velvet cake for my birthday Wednesday and I had a leftover piece for breakfast. Soooo good!

Bdaycake

I hope my pairing of whore and cake in the same poast generates a whole bunch of new bloghits and readers!

I Tumbl For Ya

Not sure if y’all know I have a Tumblr ~ well, I do.

What I put there are pretty things ~ pics of rainbow cakes and kittehs and pomes and things. So, if you like that, go check it out. Sometimes I forget about it, but then I want to see some uplifting stuffs and I return. Or I think of a new pome to stick in and do that. Also, I include pomes about death and despair just to keep things interesting.

It can’t be butterflies and cupcakes all the time.

My Pentagon
by Heather Christle

It was the military
coming together

on paper under glass

to shine on me! they
called me

damp thing it was
my name coming

together under orders

nothing would go
unlaminated

they said
they said

under orders after death
all things must shine