This part of the coast wasn’t gentle and calm, but rough and wild, too dangerous to surf. Boulders rose out of the water like majesticdragon spines and broken glass littered the shoreline. She found the scene appealing, for it matched her savage mood. She had no desire for her fierce energy to go back into hiding; she wanted to nurture it to its fullest potential. Would that lead to her ruin? She didn’t know. But she would now attempt to live as she pleased, no matter the outcome. As the fiery sun sank into the swirling sea, she knew it was time to begin.
As isolation ended, I began my search for a partner. I had a clear picture in my mind of my perfect soul mate. He’d be cuddly and sweet, always there to listen to my issues, and never cheat. I went down to the pound and there he was waiting for me: my Prince Charming, in the form of an adorable kitty! He knew just how to make me smile. 😻
Welp, the last day of 2020 began fittingly. I went to bed early last night and then was wide awake at 2AM, so I doubt if I’ll be able to stay up until midnight tonight to kick 2020 all the way out the door unless I manage to take a nap. 😴
What a poopshow, amirite? Wish we could purge the whole thing from our memories, except for the part about my adorable grandson being born. I am not a fan of playing games over Zoom, though it’s better than nothing. Oh, somehow I managed to “lock” the keyboard of my new laptop, which sent me into a towering rage before dawn. I had to google on my phone how to unlock it, but that didn’t help, so I restarted. I don’t understand why turningoff and on fixes stuff, but wev. It’s always the last thing I think of, even after all this time. I am typing this on my laptop now, so all is good until my next meltdown.😜
I’m no stranger to making resolutions, but like most people I don’t stick to mine, so why bother? The only thing special about tomorrow is the psychological aspect regarding the year number… nothing really changes. We are still in this plague, still have to wear masks, not socialize, not eat in restaurants, yada yada. I have flight credits, but they’ll likely expire before I’m all vaxxed up. 🙁
I made a new Facebook account in April after staying away for over 2 years, and while it’s nice to reconnect with peeps WHO DON’T READ MY BLOG, that’s the only thing good about it. So much repetitive bitching and boringness otherwise. I have never understood why people feel a need to link to news articles there or quote massively from them as if we can’t find CNN for our own damn selves. It’s not like the news isn’t in our faces 24/7 every time we log on to any device. It’s so irritating!
I have been trying not to read the political stuff on FB, or participate in it, same as on Medium and here in blogland, though sometimes it’s impossible to resist. Occasionally I retweet political stuff I agree with, but I don’t comment, even when trolled. It’s still a big waste of time. I guess if I were going to have a goal for 2021, it would be to read even fewer political posts and articles than I do now. There is nothing to be gained from it and every time I spend an hour reading that crap, there goes a poem that might have been written or read. I think of it this way ~ poetry can bring beauty into this world (or at least attempt to do so), while political jabber only ever takes away from beauty. It’s all stinky trash.
So yeah… the ending of this awful year hasn’t made me feel especially galvanized to take bold action to shake up my life. There’s really nothing much I can do at this point, except keep on keeping on. And you know what? That is good enough. I’ve long since abandoned the notion of perfection, as if that’s even remotely possible to attain, and while my habits can be tweaked for the better, I’m pretty okay with my mediocrity. I look forward to doing exciting things again, such as having a veggie quesadilla inside a restaurant at a table with friends and playing a board game in person afterwards. Yeah baby. Take me back to 2019, when we didn’t know how good we had it. I suppose that’s a “privileged” thing to say, but at least I acknowledge this.
A few weeks ago, I went on a jolly Christmas binge and watched several holiday romantic comedies. I even wrote about my reactions on Medium. One prevalent theme was the glorification of rustic simplicity. So often, our protagonist can’t find love until he or she leaves a city and heads for the countryside.
Usually the departure is an impetuousone ~ or a complete accident. The protagonist doesn’t even realize they’ve been rushed, overworked, rude, cynical, etc., until they find themselves forced to relax in some charming small town where everyone is kind and helpful and filled with generosity. The message is relentlessly hammered home that city life is bad and rural life is paradise.
This theme annoyed me. I say people are the same everywhere and you can find nice folks in cities as well as bullies in small towns. I should know: I went to high school in a crappy little suburb and had to deal with a lot of jerks. Not to discountthe idea that there are mean people in cities! But according to the holiday romcoms, not only are cities bereft of any holiday spirit, but also you can’t find love until you leave. 🙄
I guess those scriptwriters never heard of “Silver Bells.” 🎶💕
As he catches the faint jingle of Christmas music, his mind drifts to thoughts of what he’s missing. He remembers the festive decorations welcoming all to a warm and lively home. Family, friends, fun, food… the last time celebrating an auspicious occasion: he’d been promoted to a manager role and was relocating.
The real estate broker assured him that the condos were just like a real house. Their descriptionincluded key words such as sunny and inviting and cozy. Cozy would be the most apt, he thinks as he nukes a frozen dinner in his tiny kitchen, resigned to spending the holiday alone. No point in going out and trying to make new friends on Christmas Eve when everyone is wearing a mask.
He walks to the window and gazes into darkness. A lonely strand of holiday lights twinkles around the palm tree in front. He has the notion to stroll outdoors and check the other windows to remind himself that he isn’t the only person on the planet. Out of habit, he goes to grab a coat, but then realizes he doesn’t need one.
Dena approached her friend Misty at the lunch counter. “Hey Misty! What are you so dressed up for? And why are you sitting all alone with that untouched milkshake? Drink up!”
“Hi Dena.” Misty fluffed her hair. “I’m on a diet. The milkshake is a prop because I’m waiting to be discovered. This is where all the Hollywood agents come to find new talent. I want to go on the stage!”
“Do you really believe that?” Dena asked. “I mean, maybe fifty years ago…”
Misty’s eyes sparkled energetically. “It’s still true! I read it in Starstruck.”
“Those magazines are all liars,” Dena said. “Why don’t you come to a Christmas party with me? That’ll be so much more fun than sitting here by yourself dreaming about a fantasy.”
Misty shook her head. “Sorry, I can’t. I need to stay here. But can you watch my spot for a minute while I go to the restroom?”
“Sure.” After Misty walked away, Dena tried the milkshake. Yummy!
“Hello there,” a handsome man in a suit said to Dena. “Are you interested in being in a movie? You’ve got the exact look we need for Harry Potter, Return of the Sacred Cows.”
“Well, I…” Dena began. “This isn’t really my milkshake. You see–“
“Call me.” The man handed her a card. “I’m late for a meet with Brad Pitt. He’ll be your costar–an evil wizard who owns the magical dairy.”
Dena pulled out her phone and quickly googled the information on the card for her own protection… And the guy was legit! She could quit studying boring marketing at the university and pursue this opportunity instead. Hurrah!
Misty returned to the counter. “Maybe I will go to that party, Dena. I guess no one will be searching for new talent on Christmas Eve.”
“Gotta go, Misty.” Dena waved as she ran off.
That was rude. Misty sat down and stared at the milkshake. Maybe she should have ordered pie.
My smile for this week is that after being super extra careful all month, I drove alone 7 hours Tuesday to spend Thanksgiving with my daughter and her husband. It’s just the 3 of us (plus pets) and I’m having a great time. Last year, I flew up here and we spent the day with lots of other people, which was wonderful ~ nevertheless, I am so grateful I get to be with some family. (I will see my other daughter mid-December.)
Four years ago, my Thanksgiving week was depressing because I had just been dumped by a man I’d been dating. We’d planned to spend the day together (and do fun stuff the whole weekend)… then poof it was over. My younger daughter saved me from being totally alone by changing her plans and having a festive meal with me. We picked up a magnificent veggie feast from Native Foods. I was so thankful not to have to be alone when I felt so down. I haven’t dated anyone since then, and that seems to be the best way for me because I’m a total idiotat choosing which men to date.
I’m only humanthough, and I still sometimes think… what if? But unlike 10 years ago when I was newly single, I can answer that question by recalling my bad experiences since. I learned a lot from these episodes and there’s no reason to believe that a new foray into the field would have different results. This year especially has reminded me that I’m not only fine on my own, but I actually do better when not obsessing over what some random man thinks. I know other women date without getting so emotionally wrought up… but I’m not them. I tend to go to extremes…
I used to believe that the only good path was to have a partner to plan the future with, but life has a way of wrecking our plans and expectations (see year 2020). While I may not be totally footloosedue to physical and financial limitations, I find it freeing that my future will be for me to choose, whenever and however I decide to make changes. For example, I don’t know exactly what I want to do or where I want to live post-retirement, but I get to decide that without having to consider what someone else wants.
Onto a more important topic: what will we be eating today? Welp, it’s not going to be the usual turkey and gravyfeast, since there are only 3 of us here and 2 don’t like turkey. We are basically having sides, including baked sweet potatoes, mushroom stuffing, pasta, etc. We’ve already dived into the pie, and though there’s a bunch left (huge Costco pie), I’m thinking we might bake some cookies…
Have a sweet day, my peeps, however you’re celebrating or even if you aren’t. While I understand the historical reasons some may not think of today as something to be happy about, it can be soothing to take the time to be thankful for the good in our lives.