My Favorite Mistake

Dr. Tanya continues her blogging about bloggers’ blogs blog bloggery by asking what we did wrong way back when. My wayback is probably older than most, since I began all this in 2003, with a blog on blogspot named “Ultrablog ~ Purple prose from Orange County… it’s ULTRAVIOLET!” That was my Usenet nickname and a group of us were fond of trying new fads. I took to blogging right away and even purchased a template to match my purple theme. Loads of my fellow Usenetters have disappeared from Blogland and simply hang out on Facebook now. But I like blogging best of all social media. 😍

My posts back then were about me and my opinions. I didn’t post much or any fiction/poetry; instead I blabbed on about my takes on the news or annoying incidents and just whatever. I did jabber way more about my kids, people I knew, and even work a little. I hate to say this, but because I was married to a lawyer, I felt safe in doing as I pleased. I had no fear of writing absolutely horrible stuff to other Usenetters while engaging in “combat prose” (it was mutual) and adding my bit of badness to the atmosphere of awfulness that has become exponentially worse as time goes on. My Usenet attitude/persona carried over into my blogging. 😎

Most of my posts were short then, except a few frothy rants, and I generally flung some nonsense out 2-3 times per day. I received tons of comments and views because I had linked up with other bloggers who wanted to increase their stats, and we all visited each other’s posts constantly. I got totally caught up in the stats obsession and felt bummed out when my views sunk below 300/day or a post failed to get comments in the double digits. I participated in blog arguments and deliberately took on controversial views, all in order to get more “hits.” Finally, I ended up in a nasty flamewar (over pit bulls, lol), flamers began impersonating each other, my comment section got wrecked, and I quit. 😡

My mistakes were obvious: worrying about stats, deliberately fanning flames, jumping into arguments at other blogs, and revealing too much about my life, including photos. I consoled myself that I did less of all this than the super-popular mommy bloggers, but even so. Ick! 😝🙁😢

I missed blogging though. I began a few new boring ones, a couple private ones, and this one… which ended up as my favorite. The others are all gone with some archived in my own files. When I started on WordPress, I was determined not to care about stats, not to post about politics, and not to get involved in arguments. If anyone starts crap here, I ban them. I did make some new mistakes though ~ when I was dating (🤮), I would post about some of the things that upset me or that I found funny. Then, when I met someone I actually liked (rare), I’d frantically delete all the dating posts before they could read them. Rinse, repeat.

I haven’t deleted a post here in a long time. I doubt I would even if I met someone I liked romantically. They’d just have to deal with who I really am, and vice versa. 🤪 Not that I can imagine this happening imminently or even ever! 🤣 Anyway, I still enjoy blogging a lot, love the feedback on my writing, and have no plans to quit, despite the periodic glitches we have to deal with. Personally, I find the block editor a lot less annoying than that jerk who was copying our content a while ago. There will always be something…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

The New Guy [flash 145]

“So, I introduced Dad to my new boyfriend Ken last night,” Barbara said to her friend Midge as they perused the brunch menu.

Midge peered at Barbara over the menu. “Ooh! How did that go? He’s always had so much antipathy to everyone you’ve dated.”

“Dad is just quixotic.” Barbara shrugged. “He has such grand ideals, but normal people can’t live up to them. However, this time he was unperturbed by my choice.”

“I assume that’s because Ken didn’t argue with your dad about politics?” Midge smiled.

“Ken didn’t say a word!” Barbara laughed. “I’ve found a genuine trophy this time. The strawberry French toast sounds good to me today. How about you?”

“I’m thinking of a veggie omelette,” Midge said. “But I still think you could do better than a plastic blowup doll who never argues about anything.”

“Nah.” Barbara said. “I like dolls.”

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Chaos/Order

Let the extraneous fade away;
Begone the chaos of the day,
For I cannot control time’s cascade.
Instead I focus on the small:
A leaf, a bud, the soothing rain,
The wind that whispers down the hall.
If I am mindful when night falls,
Will I sense an order to it all?

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Written for Eugi’s Weekly Prompt.

Image credit to lovethispic.

Last Embrace [flash 188]

Where I go, no one can follow.

Michelle’s words reverberated in Owen’s mind as he hugged her goodbye. He had deviated from their “no strings attached” arrangement this afternoon and proffered his heart. She’d gone pale immediately and reminded him of their agreement to remain emotionally uninvolved.

“I tried,” he told her. “I failed! Can you honestly admit you feel nothing for me after all these months?”

Michelle just shook her head and put on her coat. “You know what I have to do.”

“Yes.” He nodded. “And I can go with you. I know it’ll be tough, but together we—”

She held up a hand and interrupted. “Where I go, no one can follow. I’m sorry, Owen. My mission is more important than a romance.”

He’d walked her to the dock, feeling angry, but that soon morphed into a piercing sadness. Owen knew he couldn’t change her mind, no matter what he said.

“Thank you for understanding,” Michelle said now as she stepped away.

Owen didn’t understand, but he watched her stride toward the nondescript foreign boat, the scent of her citrus perfume still hovering in the air.

~*~

Written for MLM’s Challenge 333 and today’s Go Dog Go Writing Prompt.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit to cottonbro on Pexels.com.

Baby Baby Baby [MLM]

Yeah, I got your message in a bottle. And now you followed me all around New York City.

I was hoping to reconcile, sugar pie honey bunch. Baby, I need your loving. Honey, I miss you and I’m being good. Just give me one more chance. Oh babe, what would you say?

I think my silence speaks for itself. Now take your massive ego and walk away.

Don’t do me like that! Oh girl. Don’t be cruel. Baby, I’m a want you…

I hear your frustration. But you and I travel to the beat of a different drum. I told you not to get hooked on me.

Baby I love your way. Every day! Please let me call you sweetheart.

You don’t actually know my name, do you?

~*~

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Challenge.

Photo credit to Ali Pazani (alipzn) via Unsplash.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Illusion’s Meadow

Drifting past the din,
I float into dream terrain,
Where zephyrs caress me
And wings whisper your name.
Will I find you here…
In illusion’s meadow,
So far from my bedroom?
The terrible price I pay
For glimpsing heaven once,
Is to never see it again.

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Generation Yap [flash 85]

“Dude, this burger looks awesome!” Dylan shouted when he sat down at the table. “Get in mah belly!”

“Young man,” Grandpa bristled. “Must you use such obnoxious vocabulary?”

“Chillax, Geepah.” Dylan waved a fry. “I was giving Moms a compliment.”

Grandpa sighed. “In my day, we would have said something more pleasant, such as the cat’s meow.”

“But our cat howls all night,” Dylan pointed out. “That doesn’t seem like a compliment.”

“All right, burgers!” Dad said as he arrived at the table. “Fuckin’ A!”

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images are mine and not mine…

My Turn [rant]

Soooo, I have tried to avoid bitching too much about WordPress, as imperfect as it is. Not to mention that I don’t hate the block editor (heresy!), though of course I have empathy for anyone experiencing difficulties getting their writing to publish. The thing is, blogging is my favorite form of social media by far, and I’m super grateful it’s surviving when almost everyone else just twitters and faceplops. I blame a short attention span… I remember when some of my writer friends kept interesting blogs, but now they just quote boring political crap on FB, or repost dumb memes. I guess it’s easier. 🙄

H O W E V E R!

I had the damndest time getting my last post to publish properly. And this has nothing to do with the cursed BE because I was using the app in classic mode. Ooh, maybe they’re screwing with the CE to get us to switch over entirely (I use the BE on my laptop). I had to keep fixing it and republishing it to get all the links to “take.” They would disappear in the process and I’d view the post only to find them poofed. So maddening!

I understand that the outcome of writing to WP for help is zippo, nada, crickets. So why bother? Instead I’m venting here, especially because this wasn’t a one-off. I’ve had to repost other pieces of writing due to formatting glitches. Sometimes my video links don’t show up with previews, and it looks stupid when the html link sits there alone instead of a nice music image. Btw, I’m in the process of labeling all my saved images, since the WP search function is crap. Not talking about their library, but trying to find something I’ve used before and saved in mine. Yes, that’s a different issue, but why not throw everything into the Big Casserole of Doom?

Must chillax somehow…

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Images from Bitmoji

Forgotten & Alone [MLM]

I was a loyal friend,

Yet you betrayed me again.

You make a habit of lying,

While I wait out here crying.

What’s your excuse this time?

Don’t just hand me a line–

Cuz I’ve got your number,

And I ain’t gettin’ younger.

I hear laughter from your room;

Are you on that damn Zoom?

My food bowl is empty…

Don’t you forget about me!

~*~

Written for Fiction in a Flash 16.

Written for Mindlovemisery 87.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image credit ~ steve felberg from Pixabay

FPQ85: Paths Not Taken Yada Yada

I thought I’d turn Fandango’s Provocative Question today into a pointless meander. He asks if I’ve ever had to make what turned out to be a life-changing decision and, if so, do I wish I could go back in time and change it, blah blah, what and why. There have been a few…

Generally, I begin with my foolish decision not to go to Northwestern U. I had no idea about “prestigious” colleges back then apart from the obvious Harvard, Yale, etc. I knew it was good I’d gotten accepted, but the gravitas of the decision was foreign to me. I behaved impulsively as a teen and things that went wrong were easily fixed. Everything felt inconsequential at the time. My parents didn’t seem to care, and after an argument with my mom, she decided she didn’t want to pay for NU, so I ended up at the University of Illinois in Champaign. It was a horrible experience, I dropped out, moved back home, and ended up in a series of dead-end, low-paying jobs.

Next, I moved from Chicago to Southern California with my parents at age 22. I’m not sure this was a great decision, though it would have been hard to stay in the city alone given my crappy jobs. But from the minute I stumbled off the plane to right now, I’ve had one giant migraine that never seems to disappear for good. I know I’d probably suffer from them wherever I lived, but it soured the whole experience for me. I remember being bombarded with the dazzling sunshine when we landed and feeling like I was going to pass out from the brightness and the pain.

Finally, I returned to college to finish my degree. But again, doh, I eschewed UCLA for Cal State because the freaking parking was easier. It seemed like an okay decision at the time, but it was yet another folly. Not that I had a bad experience at Northridge ~ I actually loved it all and appreciated my classes and the professors there. But until I had my own children I did not realize the importance of the name of a school. Whatever, at least I finished and that led me to the job I have now, which is good. But I got a late start at a career and retirement savings…

All the while this school/moving stuff was going on, I was also dating. Ugh, what a nightmare. I can’t blame online dating and culture such as it is now for my relationship issues, since I’ve had them all along. I am attracted to the wrong men, and that’s just the common denominator of the whole mess. I regret spending/wasting time with a lot of these guys, but I can’t regret my second marriage because my two wonderful daughters are my prize for sticking with it. I should have ended it sooner however. I definitely regret all the years I thought the marriage could be fixed and floated in limbo, taking no action to help myself move on.

I like to imagine that if I’d been single in my 40s I would have had a great romance and met my life partner, though that’s probably false. I would have simply made stupid dating decisions all that time too. Ugh, thinking about all this is an emotional drain… plus it’s all fantasy. I did what I did and here I am. The only thing to do is to slog on…

AND VOTE BLUE!!!

~*~

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Image altered from the original at Pixabay.