Lazy Poast

I swear I was gonna write a story or a pome today from the prompts, but I haz a wicked migraine due to the windy cold weather, so you get this. Like it or lump it!

Questions from the Queen:

1. What is something you always put off for as long as you can?

– Death (mine).

2. Has time sped up or slowed down for you as you have aged?

– Up.

3. What time period do you think you most belong in?

– Post-historical.

4. What book would have a completely different feel if it was set in a different time period?

– The Bible.

5. How do you like to waste time?

– You’re looking at it.

6. Have you ever killed time since reading or watching The Phantom Tollbooth?

– Don’t remember what that means.

7. You have two hours to yourself…how do you spend it?

– Plotting, planning, scheming, dreaming.

8. How often do you think about the Doomsday Clock?

– Not a lot.

9. Do you think we are nearing the end of times (for those who believe in it)?

– Not in a religious sense, but it’s definitely possible we could be close to a massive-casualty world war.

10. Armageddon is upon us…do humans survive?

– Probably some in remote areas for a while.

11. How will human’s time on Earth be up?

– War, famine, disease, no medical care.

12. What is your favorite quote about time?

– “Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.”

13. What is one song that makes you time travel?

– “In the year 2525…”

14. Speaking of Time Travelers… The Doctor (Dr. Who), Time Traveller (H.G.Wells, The Time Machine), Phineas Bogg (Voyagers!), or The Traveler (Star Trek: TNG): Who would make the better traveling companion?

– Idk these peeps. I’ll take my cat. 🐱

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Question Jambalaya

I’m mixing all the questions I’ve been marinating in my drafts folder together in one delicious, deluxe poast for a Friday pre-Christmas jambalaya… yummy!

From Kristian:

1. What will you be eating on the 25th of December?

– That’s a good Q! I don’t know ~ I’m seeing the fam on Sunday and Monday, but No. 1 Daughter has to drive back to NorCal on the 25th, so that might just be me-time. Maybe a long walk to clear my head, then writing all day. Food, eh.

2. What would you like to see happen in 2019?

– Much less chaos/drama/craziness in every way and in every area of life… and if only our leaders could set a good example, but obviously they can’t or won’t… we can still strive for calm in small ways however and take steps to eliminate drama from our lives. I’ve been doing this for some time and plan to continue.

3. Name three things you are grateful for.

– Family, job, relatively good health.

From Tao–Talk:

1. Who is your favorite actress? What’s your favorite movie she is in?

– Meg Ryan. When Harry Met Sally.

2. Who is your favorite actor? What’s your favorite movie he is in?

– Tom Hanks. You’ve Got Mail.

3. Who is your hero(ine)?

– My real life friend Judene.

4. If you could live anywhere (and your family wanted to go with you and you could afford it), where would you live?

– NYC.

5. What’s your fondest memory from childhood?

– Visiting the Natural History Museum in NYC.

6. What’s your fondest memory from adulthood?

– Going to the fair with my girls and my mom.

7. If you could meet one celebrity who would it be?

– Stephen King.

8. Cake or pie?

– I’ve had so much cake that I… oh hell cake.

9. What’s your favorite kind of tree?

– Weeping willow.

10. Coat or layers?

– Layers, then coat.

11. If you could be one person for a day, who would you be and what would you do?

– Bill Gates, and he would decide to transfer half his money to me.

From The Haunted Wordsmith:

1. Smashed apples, peaches, pears, or bananas?

– Er, must I? Bananas, I guess… then I will make banana bread with chocolate chips!

2. What body part (of yours) has been smashed the most (keep your mind out of the gutter lol)?

– My head, when I squoosh it to try to stop the pain.

3. What world record would you like to smash?

– Woman miraculously cured of migraines and tinnitus at age 57! By eating c00kies! All hail the power of sugar! And butter. Don’t forget the butter.

4. Which two books would be better if they were smashed together?

– The Scarlet Letter and The Happy Hooker.

5. What two songs would be good smashed together?

– “I Need A Lover” and “Diamonds Are A Girl’s Best Friend”

6. Which one would you smash together: US and Europe (wipe out the Atlantic Ocean) or US and Asia (wipe out the Pacific)?

– I don’t like smashing Europe bc then there’s no hope of the resurgence of Atlantis. “Down below the ocean…” But I’m a bit scared of eliminating the Pacific. What happens to Australia? I don’t want their scary snakes over here.

7. What foods are best served out of a blender?

– Idk, milkshakes?

8. What is your biggest pet peeve?

– People trying to sneak scary Australian snakes over here (glares).

9. It’s the Purge…do you participate? (If yes, what do you do?)

– Kill all the men, round up the sheep, and… oh wait, wrong movie.

10. You see a smashed window and an open store…do you loot?

– No. Could be loose snakes in there.

11. Have you ever thrown something through a window?

– So I could go looting? Good plan! Um no.

12. What movie would you like to see smashed into millions of non-repairable bits?

– Tusk.

13. Genghis Khan, Xerxes, Patton, Hitler, Stalin, Churchill, Alexander the Great, or Leonidas…which one(s) would be most successful at smashing the alt-right back into the time-out corner?

– All we need is… Retired Lieutenant Stan the Nazi-Fighting Man! 😀

Impmas Questions

In the spirit of Impmas, I’m going to answer a few Q’s. Hopefully I’ll have time to do a proper prompt poast later. 😀

1
Do you believe in the big guy in the red suit, long bushy white beard and overhanging belly and reckons he can flit between chimneys like he’s Superman or summit? If yes, why??? If not, why not?

– Of course! How else would all those prezzies get under the trees like clockwork every xmoose morning? Dur!

2
How many times have you been bad this year, as in pranking, joking around, losing your temper and getting up to no good?

– Never. Pure as a fluffy cloud of Johnson & Johnson baby powder right here.

3
Are you always polite and squeaky clean? Dot your i’s and cross your T’s? Or like me don’t get bovvered with all that malarkey? If you do, why’s it so important like?

– Definitely. I’m the very model of a modern major gentlewoman.

4
Are you a right ol’ whiner and moaner? I like a bit of wine meself if honest! If so, ‘ow much do you gargle down per week? Or maybe you be one of those who like to get into the spirit of fings?

– I beg your pardon! A lady never discusses her drinking habits (hic).

5
Right, can’t believe l am asking this question, but it’s a norty list question from the big guy. What’s the nicest thing you’ve done all this year? However mine is, what’s the sneakiest thing you have done?

– Nicest thing? I saved a truckload of endangered tigers from being killed by savages. Sneakiest? I lied about the savages. And the tigers. And the truck.

6
How many people have you not upset this year with your sneakies and nortyness?

– Not a single one!

7
The other day Glubby turned up at the door an’ he wos wearing the most hideous cape and unmatching hat lhad ever seen! EVER, now l told him that it was not just ugly but right Fugly! he was not best pleased. How would you ‘andle it, be truthful, lie or summit else?

– It depends whether he brought me an xmoose pressie. Not enough info here.

8
Whilst walkin’ in the street, you come across a fifty [of your currency] lying on the ground, whaddya do wif it?

– Give it to the nearest endangered tiger who needs it more than I do!

9
Do you always do the best that you can for yourself? [Didn’t expect that question did ya?]

– Naturally (preens).

10
When you wos young and at that fing called school, how many detentions or stay behind after class did you end up with per week?

– I promised the hot math teacher I wouldn’t tell.

11
You’re at the shop and the person in front of the till is 9 cents/pence short of their bill being paid, whaddya do …?

– Feed her to the closest tiger… kidding! Of course I would switch lines so as not to embarrass the poor dear.

12
A friend of yours after eating dinner or grub, has got a right ‘orrible stain on his/her shirt and hasn’t seen it and ‘as to go out to an important date, do you tell ’em?

– It depends. Who is she meeting? Would I like him?

13
Are you a right proper prankster? Tell me your best Norty prank for 2018

– It’s still in process.

14
Finally, do you cuss/curse/swear a lot? [Don’t worry like, Imp’s promise, won’t tell a soul!!]

– Fuck no. Hardly ever.

The Liars Club

Like Fandango, I’m already breaking my own rules and playing a game instead of writing, aka lying. Blame Rory and his Daily Fun Three.

Name Three…

Three of your childhood books?

– Arty The Smarty, The Velveteen Rabbit, Little House on the Prairie

Three of your best memories?

– the themed parties I did for my kids ~ forex… one Barbie/pink, one Halloween/pirates, and one backwards birthday (probably the most fun ever)

Things that are yellow and triangular?

– a slice of lemon meringue pie and a lemon square cut on the diagonal which is now two triangles if you know math which I do so that’s three right there boom 💥

Wishes you would like to be granted if you had a magic genie lamp?

– instant and complete elimination of all weapons that cause mass death and our ability to make more of same, eliminate pollution everywhere, fix my fucking heater since my landlord is ignoring my text 😡

Beautiful places you have ever visited?

– Zion National Park, the Grand Canyon, Monterey, CA

Things you fall back on to make you feel better when having a bad day?

– sugar, rage, resolve

Things that best describe your family?

– smart, successful, funny (daughters & sons-in-law)

Of your favourite blogs?

– Fandango, The Haunted Wordsmith, Msjadeli (also all others, bloggers or not, who comment here regularly… much ❤️)

Things you would choose if you had ten minutes in your favourite store if you didn’t have to pay for them?

– three fucking heaters

Dishes you can cook in less than 15 minutes and ready to eat direct from serve?

– I don’t understand this question

Pet peeves?

– passive aggression, vehicles with obnoxious blindingly bright headlights, BMWs in general

Bird species beginning with the name G?

– gnu, goose, green parrot 🦜

Of your most favourite letters from the alphabet?

– XYZ

Of the most boring things you have ever done?

– tried to read Ulysses, played Encore with geniuses, driven from Irvine to LA on a Friday night omg

Questions you would ask of your pet if you could?

– why are you so yowly, why don’t you bury your p00ps so our enemies won’t find us, why can’t you let me smoosh you when I’m cold???

Of your favourite cartoons from now or when younger?

– the Pink Panther, Rocky, Bullwinkle

Of the emoticons you use the most when writing or in social media or comments?

– ❤️😀😂

Selfish Opinion Week [SOW]

Poast yours now! Hurry, before the special coupon expires! 😀

It’s interesting how many of us in this corner of Blogville have given opinions in the past few days about the nature of blogging itself, either how they’ll need to cut back a bit because of time constraints (me and a few others) and/or a general statement regarding what they like or dislike about reading blogs. I must apologize in being remiss for not stating some prefs. You know I haz them. 😈

On a side note, this makes me think about how many millions of blogs there are with loosely connected communities, united by various themes, and how they periodically must engage in these discussions also. If there’s life on other planets, maybe they have blogs too… something to ponder. Are they wondering about us, me in particular? I bet they might be…

Anyway, during these meta convos, it’s apparent to me how many bloggers not only don’t use the phone app (which must be available for laptops too), but also are reading poasts via email. I would literally die if all your poasts and notifications poured into my email, even a dedicated email. How could I possibly deal with that deluge? The very idea makes me dizzy.

Before I used the phone app, I read poasts via the WP reader and that was a million times better than emailed poasts (which I never got because eww). But now I’m app-only because of the “save” feature and the ease of reading/writing. I’ve set up a search list for my dozen or so favorite prompters since sometimes there are app gaps. I really recommend that bloggers at least try these newfangled ideas instead of deleting blogs from their followed list for “posting too much.” 🙄

Naturally, that’s only a rec, and everyone is free to ignore it. Now, onto some other preferences that peeps will ignore. Why the hell not? It’s Selfish Opinion Week and I am getting in on the action, so to speak. Er write. Not targeting anyone in particular, just people who do the things. 😂

1. Teaser blogs. You know who you are. You allow only a first line or snippet of your poast to appear in the reader, so we have to click through. Annoying as f*ck. Not only that, but there are a few who even after that require further clickage to another site to read the rest of the article. What site even? Welp, we won’t know until we get there. Omg HATE! It might be another blog or a Buzzfeed article or… whatever. No, I am not opposed to bloggers making money from their writing via ads, but do it in a way that doesn’t inconvenience ME. Cuz when I am reading your poast, at that point it is all about me, not you. (PS, I don’t click through. Will not. Unless it’s about kitties. Maybe. 🐱)

2. Photo mania. I like a couple pics in a poast. I usually put one, maybe two. I no longer do the photo prompts and I’m not talking about those ~ I’m talking about a regular essay, such as this one, but with PHOTOS randomly shoveled in throughout. Whyyy? They make the poast take forever to load and sometimes the app simply crashes. Only a few of you do this, so it’s not an enormous problem, but still. It’s SOW, and I’ve got a double coupon right here. Two for the price of one, neener!

That’s all. As you were.

Daily Fun Three

From Rory and the Pimpin’ Imp:

Name Three …

Things you can find in a garbage/rubbish/trash can beginning with the letter D?

– diapers, dental floss, dog food cans

Things that can be found floating on the wind?

– dust, leaves, butterflies 🦋

Things in a river that are not fish?

– Running Bear, Little White Dove, currents

https://youtu.be/VQ3XUM9gUG4

Things found around the house beginning with the letter E?

– etchings, ectoplasm, exes in various states of decomposition

Animals that don’t have the letter E in their name?

– aardvark, octopus, inchworm

Bands/Groups that have three [3] in their name [not a song]?

– 3 Doors Down, 3 Dog Night, 3 Stooges

Holidays/Vacations that only involve visiting ruins?

– Rome, Greece, Trump White House

Things that can seriously ruin your day?

– nuclear war, fleas, perfume

Roman Gods?

– Tony, his cousin Tony, his other cousin Tony

Animals that lay eggs? [Monotremes ]

– birds, fish, snakes 🐍

Three letters in the alphabet that don’t sound the same as the other letters?

– H, Q, W

Gemstones that start with the letter T?

– topaz, tourmaline, tiny diamonds

Cocktails that begin with the letter M?

– Manhattan, mojito, mimosa

Hobbies that are no longer as popular as they were twenty years ago?

– prepping for Y2K, collecting beanie babies, bashing Hillary Clinton… j/k people never get tired of that apparently 🙄🙄🙄

Feeeeeeeelings…

Cue Barry Manilow. I don’t trust feelings and here’s a nice quote from Goodreads for One-Liner Wednesday to sum up why:

In my otter poast today I said I wasn’t a fan of the feelings blurt. I don’t need the brutal truth about your feelings at all times… they’ll probably change anyway. Mine do, especially the most intense ones. Not all of them ~ I always love my children more than anything ~ but I often get angry and that passes. I know not to burst out at folks in the heat of rage. Also, I prefer not getting shot.

Back when I was on dating sites (barf), it had become trendy for men not merely to list “honesty” as one of their traits but to preface it with some adjective such as fierce or fearless or bold. 🙄🙄🙄 Yeah, that’s what I want, some tactless warrior to tell me when I look like crap.

But think about all the declarations of love and passion and forever everness that have been uttered by so many over the centuries only to fade away and die when one of them falls for someone new. Just transitory feelings, not to be trusted… give me some math. Numbers, data, facts. Those I like. Your feelings? Pffft. Clouds in a windy sky.

Three of a Mind

(Via the Blokey Guy)

Name Three …

Cold things?

– Chicago winter, doggie’s nose, how best to serve a dish of vengeance

Hot things?

– jalapeños, molten lava, Taron Egerton

Boy’s Names beginning with Z?

– Zachary, Zev, Zorba

Countries beginning with the letter G?

– Greece, Germany, Greenland

Animals species that begin with the letter P?

– Porcupine, porpoise, platypus

Things that are square?

– old TVs, those little tiles in Grandma’s bathroom, YOUR MOM

Holidays you have been on?

– Portlandia, Seattle, SF

Words that rhyme with Pink?

– think, blink, wink

Urban Legends?

– soul mates, twin flames, true love

Things that are pink?

– Champagne, pearls, white panties after being washed with a red tee shirt

Things to do with baseball?

– that guy in the underwear ad, the funny Meatloaf song, the Abbott & Costello routine

Marvel Heroes?

– Spiderman, Wolfman, Crocoman

Ice Cream Flavours?

– salted pretzel logic, peanut brittlefingers, mocha polkadots

Things that come from the ocean begining with the letter O?

– Octopus, owlfish, onionshark

^^^ Taron Egerton, FYI.

Questions from the Queen

Aka Teresa 👑

1. What is the oldest thing in your refrigerator right now?

– Pickles probably (they don’t go bad, right?).

2. If you were picked to be on a game show, what type of game would it be (family feud, Jeopardy, etc.)?

– Jeopardy or WOF.

3. You’re walking in the woods and see a man waving to you…what do you do?

– Pretend I don’t see him and walk away.

4. It was a perfect snowfall…what do you build?

– Snowman!

5. What is the worst thing someone could put on popcorn?

– Spicy stuffs.

6. What flavor of potato chip (crisps) do you like?

– Lime.

7. Do you cry when happy?

– Not unless I’m laughing like a maniac.

8. ET lands back on Earth and invites you to go home with him…do you?

– No, I’d miss my kitty!

9. Who is your favorite actor/actress?

– Tom Hanks & Sandra Bullock.

10. Northern hemisphere, Southern hemisphere, or equator…which would you choose to live in?

– SoCal (Northern).

11. If you were on an awards committee and had to pick three books published in the last five years as winners, which would they be?

– Haven’t read enough books to judge.

12. You have to create a role-playing character, what do you create?

– 008.

13. Which song best describes you when you are: happy? sad? angry? bored?

– She’s A Rainbow 🌈 (happy)

– The River Cried (sad)

– You & Ur Hand (angry)

– Break On Through (bored)

Rule of Three

Name three things (via Rory) –

That you cannot under any circumstances live without ?

– Hot shower, hot tea, internet connection

That you write about every week?

– How I don’t miss Facebook, how I don’t miss dating, how it’s so great I’ve moved on from things I’ve given up and don’t discuss them endlessly and forever like a boring person 🙄

That you wouldn’t recommend doing whilst holding one foot in the air?

– Meeting Queen Elizabeth, reciting your wedding vows, tickling a grouchy tiger

That you say to people every day?

– Just coffee, thanks, goodnight

To do with your street?

– Ugly, noisy, busy

That you can eat with brown sauce?

– Don’t know, what this, is

You like about your favourite bloggers?

– Funny, smart, creative

That you don’t eat every week?

– Frogs’ legs, chocolate covered ants, prairie oysters

That you wished you could eat every day?

– Guacamole from Avila’s, Cathy’s chocolate chip cookies, mangoes

About your favourite pair of shoes that you like?

– Comfy, black, moccasins

That annoyingly always arrive in three?

– Unexpected expenses, work stresses, social dramas

About books you really don’t like?

– Twin mixups, getting back with exes, main characters who must return to a small town to confront their demons…