Category Archives: Whatever

The Story of The Thing

Every year, for many years, I have had a standing order for The Thing via Mega Corp. This year was no different, except that I found The Thing for one-third the price on Amazon. Since Mega Corp was late in sending The Thing anyway, I called them and said hey I’m gonna order The Thing on Amazon from now on, so don’t send it, ‘k?  I got Mega Product Support on the phone, who said I needed to email Mega Customer Service to deal with this, so I did that.

Mega Customer Service said nope, sorry. See, unless you notify us by such and such a date, we must ship out The Thing. We can’t communicate with Mega Shipping after that date. But what we can do is this… send us the Amazon info, to prove to us you really did find it for less, yada yada, and we’ll send you a return label. When you receive The Thing, just pop it back in the mail and we will pay for return shipping.

I sent Mega Customer Service the Amazon info and waited for my shipping label.

The Thing arrived from Mega Corp.

I waited for the return shipping label. And I waited. And I waited. Weeks of waiting.

(I hadn’t ordered The Thing from Amazon yet.)

I emailed Mega Customer Service to remind them about the shipping label. No reply.

In the meantime, Mega Billing sent me an invoice for The Thing.

I called Mega Product Support to discuss the shipping label I was supposed to receive from Mega Customer Service. They said they’d send it. More weeks wobbled on.

Mega Billing sent another invoice.

I sent another email to nudge Mega Customer Service and told them I spoke to Mega Product Support. I received an apology and a promise that the shipping label would be sent immediately. Nope.

Mega Billing sent a delinquent notice.

This made me mad, so I called Mega Product Support again to express my outrage and to complain that Mega Customer Service never sent my shipping label. How could I return The Thing if I didn’t have the shipping label? The Thing was sitting right here on my desk! I’d love to return The Thing, but I could not! At this point, Mega Product Support said I should simply keep The Thing for no charge and my account would be fully credited. They were very sorry I had to wait so long yada yada.

OK, then. I finally opened The Thing and did what one does with such things that are The Thing. I tossed last year’s version in the trash. I tried to put the whole episode out of my mind and move on.

Closure!

But…

Today I received a final notice from Mega Billing saying they were cutting off my credit and were no longer going to ship The Thing to me ever again.

scream

Odd Ducks

I live in an apartment building with an interesting architectural design, like a Spanish mission, with a large central courtyard. In the courtyard is a swimming pool, which, I assume, would have been used by the padres and visiting dignitaries and such, back in the olden days. It’s rare that I see anyone in the pool, and I have never used it myself. But last summer we did have a couple guests, who stayed for about a week or so.

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~*~

Via The Daily Post Photo Challenge: Rare

The Lure of Luxury [Dating Story]

It’s been a minute since I treated you to a dating story. Did you think I’d used them all up? Ha ha ha ha. We should be so lucky.

Names and some deets changed to protect the guilty. Also, my memory sucks.

I met this one at the Long Beach Marina. Let’s call him… Benzo cuz he zipped up in a shiny new red MBZ sports car. Hot guy, in good shape, wore jeans, black leather jacket, had a nice smile. We went upstairs for a drink in an upscale bar overlooking the water. So far, so good. (Back then, my headaches weren’t as bad and I still could have occasional alcohol without dying.)

We talked about me for a while. I was only separated then, not divorced, and very much into complaining about my S2BX. Not a great time to date, but we wouldn’t have all these fun stories if I hadn’t, would we? I told Benzo a little about my divorce woes, and he began ranting about his divorce and how his ex-witch stole his business yada. Then he went into a new rage about how college was stupid and a waste of money and I shouldn’t be sending my kids. What?

Despite the few annoying convo twists, I was overall having a good time with Benzo and we ordered some appies and another round of drinks (non-alcoholic for me). Now we were talking about him. He was in real estate, which was our initial one thing in common. What did he do, exactly? Well, he was a bit vague… some sort of partnership dealio with the ex, where she stole everything, as noted. Currently, he was in an “investment pool.”

“What’s that?” I asked. I never care if people think I’m stupid; in fact, I find it amusing.

Benzo babbled about how he and some otter dudes were going to make a shit ton of money on some sketchy properties and bla and bla. I didn’t ask how he managed the new MBZ if this hadn’t happened yet, given that the ex, etc.

“Do you want to live with me in luxury?” he said.

“Oh, sure. Where would we be living?”

“Wherever you like! Beverly Hills or Newport Beach or Santa Barbara. We’ll sleep late and then tell the cook what we want for breakfast. What’s your favorite breakfast?”

“French toast.”

“Fantastic!”

“I’ll need to bring my cat.”

“We’ll have ten cats!”

This guy was some salesman, amirite? He kissed me and it was really nice. I was starting to think about seeing him again, despite his weird anti-college tirade. Who cared what he thought about that? It was totally irrelevant. But I needed to get going ~ it was a weeknight and I had to work the next morning.

The check came. Benzo looked at me. “You’ll never believe it,” he said.

Turned out, Benzo had been so excited to meet me that he forgot his credit card. OMG! And he didn’t carry cash because that’s dangerous. If you’re driving a flash Mercedes you do tend to make yourself a target. Best not to have paper money floating in your pockets to further tempt any bandits. Makes total sense.

So, I paid. Of course. I picked up the tab for the hot guy in the luxury car who has probably made so much money by now from his RE investment pool he is tripping over stacks of cash on the way to his gold-plated toilet every morning.

I didn’t see him again.

Bling car

~*~

Via The Daily Prompt: Luxury

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Wordless Wednesday

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Wordless Wednesday

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The Yellow Wallpaper Redux

Surely you remember the famous Charlotte Perkins Gilman short story The Yellow Wallpaper? Well…

A while ago, I used bookcases to create a divider in my studio apartment to make it feel more like a living room and a bedroom rather than one great room. Since the backs of the bookcases were plain and boring, I covered them in aminal print paper. They came out pretty cool.

Lately I’ve noticed that the paper is getting scratched and shredded. Is something trying to get out from behind there? Is someone trying to help? Could there be a psycho creature clawing at the paper in fits of madness? Possibly it’s only my wild imaginings.

Wallpaper

Mystery.

Sick Day ~ A Study in Cat

I stayed home from work today because of a vicious migraine. Luckily, I had company.

10:47AM ~ he pulls down the blanket to make a cave and disappears

Lazycat1

1:17PM ~ he’s still there, but slightly visible

Lazycat2

4:17PM ~ he’s awake!

Lazycat3

4:18PM ~ nope, false alarm

Lazycat4

6:52PM ~ hard day, time for nap

Lazycat5

Good News/Bad News

I just had a lovely visit with my wonderful daughters. 🙂

It’s already over and they’ve driven off to their homes 400 miles away. 😦

Anna has a couple new books up on KDP. Woo hoo!

But when I began reading one on my Kindle, I noticed a bunch of weird page breaks and missing sentences. The original was fine. The entire story has now been resubmitted and seems to be correct on the KDP reader. But how sucky is that?!

A writer pal told me she uploads in PDF, so that’s how future Paula/Anna writing will be sumitted. GRRRR!

I found these awesome shoes for $12 at Macy’s yesterday. EEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

The girls told me it’s because they’re hideous and no one else wants them. Rude.

I took the day off to relax and do chores… forgot about leaf blowers and various ANNOYING NOISES.

I ordered super-cute little cupcake salt & pepper shakers off Amazon over the weekend and they’ve just arrived!

I spilled half a bottle of pepper in the sink while filling one of them. ACHOO!

I just switched to “classic editor” here (didn’t know that was an option last week) to get rid of the HORRIBLE new WordPress poasting layout. Zomg hate. But yay for old editor option!

Is this a GOML (get off my lawn) moment? Idk. Some old things are better and that’s the way it is. Goodnight.

Tuff Enuff

You’ve all seen those labels on clothing, right? Handle with care. Dry clean only. Delicate cycle. Don’t put in dryer. Hand wash in mountain stream water with goat’s milk and lavender soap procured from a wood nymph. On and on.

Fuck that.

The other day I realized I’d accumulated a pile of stuff that wasn’t supposed to go in a commercial washer and threw it all in there anyway. Lacy bras. Silky undies. Dry-clean only pants. A delicate sweater set full of sequins. The flimsy costume I wore to RenFaire. All tossed in the washer AND the dryer. I hate hanging stuff on my shower curtain rod waiting for it to dry. Makes me feel like I’m in my nauseatingly rose-perfumed grandmother’s apt back in Queens.

Yeech.

And the clothes all survived just fine.

I praised the items for being tough. If you live with me, you gotta be tough. You gotta have claws and teeth and be willing to use them. I’ve been through a lot of shit the past 10 years and I don’t have any patience for gentle flowers who need to be handled carefully.

If you can’t deal with the rough spin cycle followed by blasting heat, then get the hell out.

And don’t expect me to be nice to you afterward. If you’re all shredded up and wrecked by my methods, then into the trash basket you go. 🙂

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Wordless Wednesday

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