Oh Persephone! It isn’t true What they say about me. I want the best for you— Please don’t be deceived By their entreaties; I’ve prepared a feast. Come eat! Drink some wine; Forget about your time In the sunshine. The endless night Reveals your beauty, Twisted like mine, Belonging to no other. Your selfish mother Would destroy our love, Just to have you with her Above. While I care only for your heart And will treasure you forever Here in the dark. There’s no reason to flee, Dearest Persephone.
I thought it was going to be a beautiful dalliance, the kind you see in old black and white movies, brief but romantic, full of champagne, sunsets, and beach walks. At first, it was somewhat like that with a few fancy dinners and upscale venues. But soon it morphed into a measly taco and soda with a tumble afterwards at a cheap motel. It’s funny how I kept lowering my expectations because I felt invested in that handful of sparkling memories and a dreamy cloud of vague hopes, while trying not to notice that the present moments were rushed and tawdry. An insidious disrespect for each other began to creep into our conversations, since we both knew what we were doing was wrong. Instead of a love story, our relationship turned into one of those DTMA columns I read from Dan Savage.
An emotionalvampire Carefully selects his prey: His needs are enormous And his energy limited. The broken victims Provide more bang For the buck (So to speak); On these he feeds. He leaves Them drained, Vulnerable, stained, As hunger rumbles Through him Once again.
Do you feel that people are more attracted to one another by their differences or by their commonalities? And why do you feel that way?
You can guess my answer by the post title and photo, right? I can only speak for myself and my observations, but I think it is more likely for people to be attracted via commonalities, and that is the key to long-lasting, happy, healthy relationships. I don’t mean that people need to be clones of one another, but if they don’t have a similar outlook on life, compatible values, and mutually enjoyable activities to share, they’re just asking for arguments all along. Now, here is also another interesting observation: some people like to fight. They thrive from that adrenaline rush they get from being upset, yelling, and then making up passionately. Or not making up, in the case of friends, I suppose, but simply moving on to the next disagreement. I see that all the time on social media. But I find it unbearably stressful to interact that way, and more so the older I get. But to each their own, hey?
But guess what? Yep. I seem to have been attracted to men I haven’t been able to get along with because we are too different. This doesn’t happen to me in friendships, only in romances. The friends I have now are board game lovers, for the most part, so we start from there. Most of us also enjoy concerts and movies, though not always the same ones. Since it’s a largish group, there are always a few who are interested in doing a particular activity. Some enjoy hiking and/or traveling, but I don’t, which is fine because there’s always someone up for a movie instead (plus I don’t need to do everything with other people). We don’t all agree on politics, so we generally avoid that topic. Unlike some, I don’t feel the need to constantly voice my opinions on current events and get into fights about that sh!t.
Yet when I used to date, I ended up with men who didn’t like games, wanted to watch mind-numbing TV shows, and were super into sports. Beyond that, our worldviews clashed. I’m a careful person: I like to make plans and stick to them, avoid risk, and think about the future. But instead of dating men with similar qualities, I ended up with a bunch of nutty unreliable risk-takers who didn’t want to commit to anything. Men who were completely stupid with money. Men who craved constant travel. Etc. I even dated a T* supporter once. How crazy is that?
There are plenty of cute stories about opposites attracting and having a wonderful time together. I’ve read a zillion of them via romance novels, and it’s a romcom meet-cute staple as well. But that’s fiction. Unfortunately, my mind was soaked in fiction for so long that I had a difficult time accepting how it was better to date a boring, safe person like myself with similar values rather than an “exciting” opposite. I too felt the “rush” of roller coaster arguments/making up, wheeeeee! But that’s an unhealthy dynamic. I learned too late that I should have chosen differently and now am no longer interested. But I am thankful to have a great group of friends.
So many songs and sayings tell you to “live for today” in one way or another, but isn’t love an implicit promise of tomorrow? Today is simply the downpayment on your relationship house, which by its nature contains rooms full of tomorrows. If you’re focused only on today’s pleasures, you’re playing in an empty field and will run away when it starts to rain because there’s no structure to shelter you. The flowers you pluck from the field of today will die in your hands, leaving you with nothing. Yet ironically tomorrow never does actually arrive, does it?
I chose “If I Were A Carpenter,” written by Tim Hardin in 1967 and covered by many artists, most notably Johnny Cash and June Carter Cash, to further describe this concept. Their 1970 version placed at No. 2 on the country music chart.
Save your love through loneliness Save your love through sorrow I gave you my onlyness Give me your tomorrow
Kent Lavoie (“Lobo”) wrote DEMTBYF for his 1972 album Of A Simple Man. It peaked at No. 8 on Billboard’s Hot 100 in the US, and stayed at No. 1 for two weeks on US Easy Listening. It is a pretty song and easy to listen to… unless you’re actually paying attention to the lyrics, in which case, it’s really sad. At least, to me it is.
You always act so happy when I see you You smile that way you take my hand and then Introduce me to your latest lover That’s when I feel the walls start crashing in.
I love you too much to ever start liking you So let’s just let the story kinda end I love you too much to ever start liking you So don’t expect me to be your friend.
Yeah. I’m not one of those who hope that a man I once loved will find bliss with someone else. Pffft on that. He should regret messing things up with me and pine away forever for my awesomeness!
I had so much to say About yesterday’s pain– Vaguely familiar names, The streets, the café. I walked where we talked;
“Meet me in Brea!”
Memory-dazed, I felt the shame, Looking for a trace Of recognition Or benediction In a strange face, A flash of a gaze.
“Meet me in Brea.”
I walked off your words, Until the echoes Around my brain (“Meet me in Brea”) Faded to gray; Twice, thrice, past that café, The cupcake place, The theater… All ceased to matter. It was just another city.
Meetmeinbrea: Chant the sounds, Like a prayer. Amen.
Every delay, Each disappointment Brought you so low And crushed all your dreams. No dove on the wing Could sing you a rainbow While you cried in misery. For better or worse, You were my destiny; Even so, I did not try To follow you down To your network of pain. I saw the astonishing Pattern in the storm And how the harsh lashings Revealed beauty and warmth. If only you could have waited And played the long game.
~*~ Image from Lovethispic. Poetry form: free verse.
It might be a thousand years Before the stars Line up again like this; One last incandescent kiss As the light diminishes And five million miles of dark Ribbon out In a long slow Deathless march.
Eons pass; A glacier cracks; Again the moon Hangs low and blue. Did she count the waves While I waited for you? The tide pulls us into alignment: Two frozen souls Circling Space and time.
I’ve lain with a hundred men And felt nothing; Yet your gaze burns my skin From across an ocean. Tectonic plates shake When we touch At last— Mountains collapse; The earth splits in half.
We retreat, Our cosmology incomplete; Resigned to the separation, The endless analysis and division, The rebalance and reposition, Until equilibrium settles over the seas. We drift once again To opposite ends Of this lonely galaxy.