Category Archives: Relationships

Empty

Dying rose in the dark

These empty faceless days

Pass in a nameless haze;

A smorgasbord of news bites

Leaves our minds eaten away.

Should we be grateful or afraid?

Tomorrow promises the same;

Isolated from routines,

We adapt to this new distance–

Please stay six feet away.

Flower children, pressed inside

Our individual pages:

We remain solitary,

Confined, safe, waiting

To be allowed to play

Once again. To hold hands,

To hug and dance!

Will it ever be the same?

I wonder what

The history books will say

About us.

~*~

Image credited to Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

A Bunch Of Nonsense

To distract myself from myself, I’m going to answer these super intrusive questions about myself from Melanie

1. Tell us how you met your partner. Please be specific in telling your tale.

I don’t have a “partner.” I’ve been divorced since 2011 and all my attempts at dating were documented disasters. Right now, it might be nice to have someone to be cooped up with though. Or maybe not.

2. What is your most romantic experience, again with details?

I have a post in drafts called Skyloft. It’s about the best first date I ever had ~ my last first date. I had a couple more first meetings since, but they don’t count as first dates. This man was also a disaster, like the others, but worse because I’d finally begun to trust again, and after him everything was impossibly shattered. The date itself was incredible. It was the hottest day of the year, and I was sick, had been sick for a month, which made the whole experience surreal. I felt I was in a painting, with all the colors and sounds and tastes and smells so exquisitely bright. When he touched me, I felt transported to another plane. Nothing was the same again… it still isn’t. He kissed me at the beach, with the turquoise waves crashing in, just like a dream. I will never forget this, no matter what he did later.

3. What is the most extravagant purchase you’ve ever made, and why did you buy it?

I have not bought anything extravagant for a really long time. I’m super careful. I’ve spent money, sometimes a lot, but on stuff that’s necessary, such as a car (a sensible one). I simply can’t think of anything. Oh! I know. My daughter went to Costa Rica several years ago and brought me some very cool artwork. I spent $400 to have it framed. But I love it. ❤️

4. What is your favorite swear word or expression, and when are you most likely to use it?

I’m an equal opportunity swearer. I try to give all the bad words a good workout daily, but I must admit that since I haven’t been driving they’ve been sitting in a sad heap on the sofa watching reruns of Gilligan’s Island and munching potato chips. 😢

5. What is your favorite kind of pie? With or without ice cream?

Ooh pie! I had the best pie up in Northern California ~ key lime with whipped cream and a thick graham cracker crust. That is my fave, followed closely by lemon cream and then cherry. No ice cream necessary.

6. While we’re on the subject, what is your favorite ice cream, and where did you last eat it?

Cookie dough! I don’t remember when or where I ate it last. I don’t eat ice cream often because I’m always freezing. 🥶

7. Who is your most unique friend and why? (May be someone from the past.)

My daughters are both brilliant and hilarious and totally unique. I love them to bits! My besties! 💖💖 (Why? Because I raised them! Duh.)

8. What is your most irritating habit?

Yelling at my cat to quit yelling. 🐱

9. Who was your favorite teacher and why?

I loved many of my philosophy and writing professors at CSUN.

10. Do you like being alone and if so, what would you probably be doing?

I enjoy choosing to be alone; I don’t enjoy this forced isolation and not being allowed to go to work. It’s super depressing. When alone, I read, write, play phone games, chat with peeps online, etc.

11. What is the most outlandish thing you’ve ever done?

Probably picked up hitchhikers and taken rides from strange men back in Illinois. Nothing bad ever happened even though this is a terribly stupid thing to do.

12. What superstition do you always follow?

I count things a lot, which isn’t really a superstition, but more an OCD, except not that much since I don’t do it consistently. I just feel things will work out better when there’s the right number of ’em.

13. What famous person or animal have you met? Tell us about the meeting.

Not really. I’ve seen various celebs in the Los Angeles area, but haven’t hung out with any. I don’t think celebs or royals are better than anyone else, and people ought to quit making such a fuss over them. 😛

~*~

Image credit to Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

I Think It’s Tuesday #PoiMe

Pointless meandering

Warning: this is not gonna be one of those smell the flowers in the pandemic posts, but there are plenty of those around, so if you would rather read something cheery, move along now.

I’ve been doing my side work from home as usual but not my main work. It would be complicated to set up. The days blend in a haze of sleeping late, sweatpants, coffee, news, news, and more news. 😢

It’s depressing to live this way and never see any of my favorite humans. I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit my daughter up North again. Or even see my family in Los Angeles. Everything seems terrifying. But I’ve been staying indoors mostly and not even going for walks. I don’t like getting the mail because I never know if someone will stand too close. Today was okay. No one was at the mailboxes when I was.

The worst thing is reading these constant bits of news and feeling more horrified. But I need to know what’s happening! I live near a busy street and traffic never stops whooshing by… where are they all going? Why aren’t they staying home like they’re supposed to? Aren’t they hearing the same stuff I am? 😡

I’ve been cleaning a lot. I have nothing else to do but keep checking the mishmash of news. I read a book. Probably will read another. Been chatting with friends. I was gonna bake banana bread, but no one else is around to help me eat it, so I didn’t. No need to turn into a chubby hermit. Got bored with the phone games. I’m finally working on Ghosted. 👻 Luckily, I really like it.

I am grumpy and sad. I don’t find the beauty in this. Maybe if I had a partner? Then we could be having luscious sex and engaging in wonderful deep conversations and playing chess and watching lovely old movies and making lasagna and planning our escape from this mad mad world, but instead I just keep checking the cat boxes to make sure no poop needs to be removed.

It’s not that I mind being alone. I like to be alone. It’s the forced aspect of it. And it’s the constant uncertainty in every direction. Health, family, finances, job, future. What’s going to happen? Even if things tentatively begin to improve, will we be re-whomped with this, or a new version, next winter?

Sorry, I can’t put up some Hallmark card type of post. This really sucks. 🙁

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

SLS ~ Promise/Vow

Song Lyric Sunday

Jim Adams hosts our wonderful Song Lyric Sunday and today he gave us a variety of words to use for a prompt. Funny thing, I looked up this song by Eric Clapton because I knew it had the word “vow” in it, and it turns out the title of the song is “Promises.” Hah, a twofer!

This song was released as a single in 1978 and was also a track on Eric Clapton’s album Backless (and compilation albums too). It was written by Richard Feldman and Roger Linn. “Promises” did well in the U.S., reaching #9 on Billboard’s Hot 100.

Promises

I don’t care if you never come home
I don’t mind if you just keep on rowin’ away on a distant sea
‘Cause I don’t love you and you don’t love me
You cause a commotion when you come to town
You give ’em a smile and they melt
And your lovers and friends is all good and fine
But I don’t like yours and you don’t like mine
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
I don’t care what you do at night
Oh, I don’t care how you get you delites
We’ll leave it alone and just let it be
I don’t love you and you don’t love me
I got a problem, can you relate
I got a woman callin’ love hate
We made a vow we’d always be friends
How could we know that promises end
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
I tried to love for years upon years
You refuse to take me for real
It’s time you saw what I want you to see
I’d still love you if you’d just love me
I got a problem, can you relate
I got a woman callin’ love hate
We made a vow we’d always be friends
How could we know that promises end
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
Wohoo, la la la la la la la


https://youtu.be/GeSqBOdmcMc

~*~

Image credit to Jim Adams.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

No Sharing!

Keep your distance

Melanie had some fun St. Patrick’s themed questions today, but I wasn’t in the mood for those. Then she posted these, which are much more to my taste.

What harsh truths do you prefer to ignore?

All of them! Let’s see… a big one is how many bugs and bug parts I’m probably eating all the time in salads, cereals, etc. Gross! Next, is how I’m damaging my health by sitting on my butt all day and never exercising. Another is how I keep reading the news and think I actually know what’s going on lolololol 🤣🤣🤣

Actually, a super harsh truth right now is how many greedy, selfish, inconsiderate people there are who will not stop harmful behavior without the force of law. I mean, we always know this, but I for one am not usually thinking about it. Then this virus comes along and people just don’t wanna cooperate for the greater good. They have to be forced, no way around that fact. 😢

Is free will real or just an illusion?

Illusion. We’re almost completely wired up to make every choice due to our genetics plus environment, and we exercise very little if any “will” over that, even though it feels like we do. I say “almost” because of the random elements in there, not will.

I guess, given this truth, we can be more forgiving of the sh!t heads in my first reply who won’t voluntarily cooperate. They can’t help their selfish ways. But that does not mean we let them do what they want. No. We hire more cops.

What is the meaning of true love?

True love, in my opinion, is that passionate attraction we feel toward another person combined with the steady certainty that we would care for their well-being to the same degree or greater than our own.

If both elements are not present, then it is not true love. Passion without care is just a sexual connection, even if it’s embellished with other goodies like intellectual sparks and shared hobbies. Caring without the passion is a great friendship, but most will jettison that for even a slight chance at a romantic partner.

Great questions! 😻

~*~

Image credited to imgflp.com.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

FPQ60: Otters

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks… how we met our significant otter, or if we don’t have an SO, how we met our last one. My last otter wasn’t “significant” in the sense of being a long-term relationship (a few months of contact); but it was important in the sense that it marked the end of my dating days.

I met this guy ~ let’s call him “Michael” ~ via a dating site in 2016 after I took a break from dating. I had created a hidden profile and impulsively went live with it while at the Los Angeles County Fair because I was in a optimistic mood while hanging out with friends. What a fun day that was!

Anyway, I met a few guys who were meh and then Michael. I don’t want to say a lot about Michael right now or the specifics of our time together because that emphasizes what happened (and encourages people to give advice 🙄), when the crucial aspect is the totality of my dating experiences.

You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camel’s back, right? Well, I’m the camel in this scenario and these guys were straws, none of them that important, certainly not Michael. But he was the last one, and I did break. Before him, I met a bunch of lying liars, all in different disguises, and he was a lying liar too… wrapped up in a disguise I hadn’t seen before. But still he was the same as the rest, and when I understood this I was finished with it all.

I fell into a depression, not because of him, but over the loss of the dream/fantasy that I would find someone. For decades, I had nurtured this dream, fed it romance novels and love songs and Meg Ryan romcoms. I truly thought I would have the happily ever after, my soul mate, my eternal flame. Giving it up left a huge void of darkness. I cried all the time. It was hard to sleep or I slept too much. Negative thought spirals took control of my mind and refused to let go. It took about a year and a half for me to get better.

Believe them the first time

But getting better is an ongoing process, and it does not include dating. I know people mean well when they encourage me to try again or say nice things about meeting someone, but part of my healing is coming to terms with the fact that this is not going to happen and that part of my life is over. I can’t allow myself to be subject to the agendas of liars and narcissists again; I can’t put myself in the position of being harassed and stalked by whiners and bullies when I don’t do what they want. It’s too traumatic and stressful to think about. I’m getting shaky even typing the words.

I realized that dating sites themselves were a huge part of the problem for me. They attract the worst sorts of men (whether pay sites or not), and the older you are the worse it gets. The men were significantly sh*ttier when I was on at age 55 than when I was 50. They acted like they were doing me a favor by even saying hello, like I should be grateful for their attention. I get that other women are able to ignore the jerkos and focus on finding the prize in the pile of poo, but that’s really hard for me. I am affected by comments from jerkos. That’s why I like to preemptively block them here and on Twitter when I can. 👻

So, when anyone asks for my opinion of dating sites, I tell them that they all suck. If you enjoy becoming a product/commodity and having a people look you over for your features as if you’re a TV on Amazon and reject you for a better deal, then maybe you will enjoy the sites. Not me.

Besides, we shouldn’t meet anyone now anyway. Who knows how often they wash their hands? Back to cybersex! 😍

~*~

Images from Fandango and Google.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Sharing At A Distance

Share your world

This week’s questions from Melanie:

Are you a sweet, sour, tangy or other type of person?  Take that as you will! 😉

I have been told by the majority (in real life) that I’m a sweet person. Even online now, I’m pretty darn nice, compared to back in Usenet days. It’s just not worth it to engage with trolls and jerks. They have all the time in the world… and I do not. But that doesn’t mean I’ll put up with crap! Those days are gone. I vanish if someone is mean to me. 👻

Does the whole coronavirus phenomenon worry you?  Or are you more a “meh – it’s just another severe flu scare” type of person?

First, severe flus are scary! They kill loads of people every year, relentlessly. So, there is nothing not scary about another severe flu coming around. I’ve had the flu twice and both times were absolutely miserable experiences I do not wish to repeat. Each year, I get a flu vaccine, which supposedly is not perfect, but I haven’t had the flu any of those years (knock wood). 🍀

Second, scientists don’t have a complete handle on this coronavirus yet. They aren’t sure exactly how it behaves, and there is no vaccine yet. Its progression from mild to moderate to fatal can be extremely rapid, which is… scary. You feel like you’re getting better and then, bam! Your lungs overload.

Third, while the number of cases in the U.S. is tiny at the moment, we don’t know how many contagious people are walking around shedding the virus everywhere. This unknown is scary. Next week there could be thousands of cases shutting down a particular city, but which? Ah. 😱

Fourth, while I’m not in a high risk group, I am older-ish, so it’s prudent for me to be cautious. Forex, I just canceled a pleasure trip to Vegas next weekend. It can wait. No need to be on a plane and in large crowds right now. I’m not so much worried about death as I am the pain-in-the-assedness of having to deal with some kind of two-week quarantine or whatever annoying thing if I’m exposed to the virus. 😛

When was the last time you were snooping, and found something you wish you hadn’t?

I’ve written before that I snooped as a teenager while babysitting and found many “interesting” magazines and books. Later in life, the only times I’ve snooped were the typical looking for evidence on a guy’s laptop type of situation. I can’t say I’m sorry I found what I did. It’s always better to know.

What’s the most pleasant sounding accent in your personal opinion?   Everyone has a pleasing accent to someone! 

British, of course. 🇬🇧

Gratitude: Your chance to share your joy!

I found two new chairs for our dining room and that makes me happy.

Cat on dining room chair

~*~

Images from Melanie and me.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Writing Oddities #PoiMe

Pointless meandering

This isn’t a peeve because I don’t care. I’m not even asking for an answer, such as does this do any good? I know exactly how that will go. I’m just… meandering… 🦋

So, there are like 87 kajillion books around online with more coming out every minute of every day. There are “literally” more books than readers now… a real pyramid and soon we’ll all be competing for that one last reader at the tippy top who hasn’t written a book too.

The few writers who are lucky enough to be published by a house with a marketing department can sit back and keep writing per their contracts, but the rest of us have to do our own. I suck at it, barely doing any at all because I hate it so much. Still, I pay attention to what others do, sometimes.

Two things I have noticed lately. One is the “cover reveal.” Usually it’s for a book I had no idea was in gestation in the first place. Oh, great it has a cover! Um, do I care? No. Most of the time I don’t open the post or tweet. I guess this is like a “teaser” for a movie or something to pique our interest so we’ll be all excited to buy the book the second it’s released. Yah okay. 🙄

Problem with that idea is… it’s not a movie backed by gobs of ads. I’ll likely forget the name of the book the instant the post is off my screen. Since this is undeniably true, I have no intention of doing cover reveals for my future books.

Second thing is audience participation. I assume this is to get people “invested” in some way emotionally so they will then be more inclined to invest a few bucks in the finished product. For example, I might say hey peeps, what should the name of my protagonist’s son’s band be in Ghosted:

A. Snake Charmers
B. Viper Invasion
C. Venom Cult
D. Rattlefang 🐍

You guys vote and then you’re all, yeah baby, now I’m part of the process here! And then when I get around to publishing my book later this year (hopefully, since it’s been hanging around since 2018, but that’s not even old compared to some stuff I have sitting there), you’ll be thrilled to buy it. 💰

Or not. This will simply be one more post that disappears from your mind the instant it vanishes from your screen…

Kinda like Ghosted… 👻

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Mini Crush #PoiMe

Pointless meandering

From my last meandering, my thoughts drifted to a brief crush I had… at some point in the last six months or so. I’m being purposely vague because there’s no need for anyone to guess who he might be. 😎

The existence of my crush annoyed me. Not the person but my own thoughts. Oh, yes… this is how it is. All coming back to me. Not fun at all. Was it ever fun? To think about a person in “that way” and wonder if they were thinking about you too, hoping they might be, and suspecting they were not? What a pain it all is, so time-consuming and pointless, but not in a good way like my meanderings… just annoying.

I’m positive my mini crush feelings were not mutual. There were never any signs that he gave any thought to my existence whatsoever. And yet… and yet… for a short time I entertained silly hopes he would. I fantasized about meeting and what that would be like, what I would wear, yada. Could this turn into a real “something”… after all this time, without a dating site involved… would that be possible for me? My fantasies spiraled out in all directions like one of those party sparklers. And… nothing happened.

I became angry with myself. I had so much to do, was so tired, and I was wasting time thinking about this crap! I forced myself to stop. The idea that I even briefly allowed my emotions to get tangled in this “game” made me feel sick; I recalled when I used to get involved with someone how quickly I let my life center around their wants and needs. Wow, that pisses me off to think about! The whole selfish, one-sidedness of dating, which I understand isn’t the same for everyone, but it was for me because of my bad luck or bad choices or whatever.

I’m fine now… but the “crush” experience, brief as it was, gave me a glimpse back through the sad window of Ye Olden Days Cafe. Back then, I was constantly trying to win the approval of some man, catch his eye, hold his attention, make him smile, be what he needed, just enough, but not too much, try to read his mind without acting clingy, on and on… so many many things a woman is supposed to be and do and look to be pleasing to some man who couldn’t care less.

Never again. Never ever ever again.

All those times I fussed and agonized over how I looked to meet some gross slob from a dating site who seemed to have just rolled out of bed and grabbed clothes off the floor? And forgot his wallet, ha ha ha. Not to mention the fact that they were invariably late because… thoughtless and rude. 😡

Nope. Not gonna happen. But this crush took me by surprise because it didn’t happen via a dating site. I haven’t met a man from a site in almost 3 years! But it ended up the same… annoying AF. Not that it had anything to do with the person; the entire thing played out all inside my own head.

I will consider it a warning. ⚠️

~*~

Image originally from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

SLS ~ Talk

Song Lyric Sunday

Jim Adams hosts our wonderful Song Lyric Sunday and today he gave us a variety of words to use for a prompt. I chose “Something To Talk About,” which is sung by Bonnie Raitt and written by Shirley Eikhard. It was recorded in 1990 for Bonnie’s album Luck of the Draw along with several single versions. The song peaked at #5 on the charts in 1991. Side note, Anne Murray was discouraged from recording the song in the 1980s because her producers didn’t like it. It remains one of Bonnie’s most popular songs.

Something To Talk About


People are talkin’, talkin’ ’bout people
I hear them whisper, you won’t believe it
They think we’re lovers kept under covers
I just ignore it, but they keep saying
We laugh just a little too loud
We stand just a little too close
We stare just a little too long
Maybe they’re seeing something we don’t, darlin’
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
Let’s give them something to talk about
How about love?
I feel so foolish, I never noticed
You’d act so nervous
Could you be falling for me?
It took a rumor to make me wonder
Now I’m convinced I’m going under
Thinking ’bout you every day
Dreaming ’bout you every night
Hoping that you feel the same way
Now that we know it, let’s really show it, darlin’
Let’s give them something to talk about
A little mystery to figure out
Let’s give them something to talk about
How about love, love, love, love?
Let’s give them something to talk about, baby
A little mystery to figure out
Let’s give them something to talk about
How about love, love, love, love?

~*~

Image credit to Jim Adams.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.