Category Archives: Reblog

PFF15: Elevator Pitch

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on September 13, 2012, exactly seven years ago. I have not seen bicycle man since.

My Kind of Peeps

So this morning I was waiting for the elevator in my office building lobby. I had a big fucking headache, which is not unusual, especially lately because the weather keeps changing like a girl who can’t make up her mind which dress she wants to wear for prom.

There was a guy waiting for the elevator, too. He had a bicycle. Why? Idk. It was clear that he intended to take this bicycle onto the elevator, which was slightly disturbing.

There were two women waiting. They did not look happy. Why should they? We were all going to work.

The elevator arrived with a ding. And also an idiot. Some smiling doofus with a tie bounced off and held the door. “Good morning!” he chirped at Bike Guy.

Bike Guy grunted and wheeled his bike on. The women got on/in. I got in.

Tie Doofus still held the door. “No one’s smiling!” he admonished cheerfully.

One of the women smiled at him.

(It wasn’t me, obviously.)

“That’s better!” he twittered and released his hold on the door.

As the elevator began rising, Bike Guy said, “I hate to dismiss someone’s kindness, but….”

“That guy was really annoying,” one of the women finished.

“Yeah,” said the other one.

I said nothing. I don’t like to talk to strangers on elevators.

But I felt a vague glow of connectedness with these peeps, which is about as good as it gets for me at 9AM on a Thursday in Irvine.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF14: Haters Gonna Date

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on September 6, 2017, exactly two years ago. What I love is that two years later, both links are still good. You can still hate date, my friends! It’s not too late. 😀

Hater Dater Later Gator

Miss me?

While I was away someone told me about a dating site that matches people up by the things they hate, which sounds like a good idea because matching by likes is totes for 15 year olds.

Of course the thing I hate most is dating sites. And dating. So, already we’re in an infinite existential loop like when we program the system to put the catalog of catalogs in the catalog of catalogs. Or something.

Just in case you think I’m making this up in order to have something funny to blargh about (as if), here’s a link to the app.

And here’s an article that sorts hates by state. It’s a strange list. Then again… people. Right?

Whaddayagonnado.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF13: Portlandia!

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on August 30, 2015, exactly four years ago.

Portlandia!

Diane and I went to Portland, Oregon for a few days ~ it was so much fun! I love this city. The vibe was so mellow and friendly. Everything was clean. Great place,  fab food, beautiful gardens… wanna go back someday. 

https://goo.gl/photos/yUc8V8k3vWwxCoor6

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF12: Novel Overboard

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on August 23, 2014, exactly five years ago.

Time to Let Go

I stumbled onto this great article by Anne R. Allen. She discusses some of the protagonists that readers hate. We all know about the villain we secretly (or not so secretly) root for, but it’s important as a writer also to understand the kind of protags a reader does not want to see.

1. The Mary Sue. I never heard of this before ~ the term comes from fanfic (which could explain why). Basically it’s an ordinary person who has a massive amount of strength or wisdom to save the planet and/or attract the hottest supermodel. She (or he) is the author’s fantasy self. Boring!

2. The Special Victim. This protag endures all sorts of horror, but can never do anything about it because that would wreck the storyline. The reader sits there frustrated, urging the dumbass to walk out the open door. (This could also be called “revenge fiction” if the protag is really a stand-in for someone you want to torture in writing.)

3. The Perfect Pat. This is another fantasy writer self ~ a protagonist who does everything perfectly and never has an incorrect or repulsive thought. It’s basically a gilded memoir. More boring than a boring boring thing.

4. The Looky-Loo. Like the annoying non-buyer of real estate, this protag wanders through the story, looking and feeling and hearing and thinking. The writing may be profound and beautiful, even deep and poetic, but NOTHING EVER HAPPENS.

5. The Literal Larry. This is the star of a memoir, where no detail is omitted, no matter how mundane or irrelevant, because “it really was just like that.” Gah.

I will give you one guess which protag is the one I’ve been writing for the last twenty-five years in my fabulous epic novel Motion Sickness.

MS began as a short story where I was mocking an old boss (RIP Tony G) for his goofy dietary prefs. It was a pretty fun story called “Broccoli.” Then I decided to enter a novella contest, so I expanded Broccoli to 25K words. I overlaid it with a theme of drowning and called it “Water.” Later on I decided to squish a couple of new ideas into Water and make it novel-sized. At that point I renamed it “Motion Sickness.”

Never satisfied with the story, I kept tweaking it. Start in a different spot, use new themes such as synesthesia and depression, add in imaginary characters, throw in some hookers, create a love triangle, have a happy ending, no! change it to a sad ending…

But the problem was that my protag simply floated through all this, unchanging. She is an observer, not an actor. She is not a compelling heroine. She watches and snarks, she loves mildly and hates dispassionately. She is detached from everything, including her own neuroses and fears. She is way too much like me ~ i.e., boring as hell.

It’s time to let this go.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

PFF11: Parenting

Time

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on August 15, 2012, seven years and one day ago. I suggest clicking through to read the fun comments.

Mommies v Daddies

Now I understand why guys appear “born” knowing about cars.

You know how when mommies go out for a walk with their kids (boys or girls) they point out various things?

“Look, there’s a pretty flower!”

“There’s a kitty!”

“See the bakery? Let’s get a cookie!”

That’s not what daddies do. I went to dinner in Long Beach last night and had to park several blocks from the restaurant. As I was walking, a daddy was behind me with his little boy. This is how the daddy’s conversation went:

“There’s a BMW.”

“That’s an Audi.”

“This is a Lexus.”

And there you have it.

~*~

© 2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Update on the Thing

I don’t want to keep naming THEM, in case new people don’t know what’s what and go visit, thus generating more traffic to the Bad Place. Those who know will know. You know?

So, the thieves are now linking back to me at the end of each of my posts with my blog name and Paula Light, naming me as the source of the post. It’s like a reblog in that way, except still hostile because generally reblogs are occasional when something is of particular interest, not lifting every post.

I think I’m going to be done with this mess. I’m so stressed out as it is I can’t allow these jerkfaces to dominate my mind any longer. I have three audiobooks in production right now! My throat hurts, my head aches, my toe throbs, work awaits, chores languish, writing beckons, events glare… it’s ridonkulous.

I suggest you do what I did though, if you are not being credited as the source of your own posts and given a clickable link back at the Bad Place. Contact Digital Ocean and fill out their DCMA form via the front page menu.

Then try to put it out of your mind forever.

PFF9 ~ Road Trippin’

Friday Flashback

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on August 2, 2018, a mere year ago.

Travel Musings

In theory, I’d love to travel to a bunch of cool places ~ England, Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Israel, etc. ~ but practicalities always quench my wanderlust. First, the cost. Second, the time. Third, my migraines. It’s not only long plane flights that mess with my head, but everything about changes in my environment ~ food, sleep, weather, etc. ~ are pain triggers as well. I also don’t like to leave my furbaby. Right now, it’s an emotional challenge for me to go away for more than two nights in a row, but luckily I have a trusted friend to come over and take care of Gatsby.

I thought I had blogged about my idea for a post-retirement (and post-kitty) epic U.S. trip, but apparently I only discussed it on Facebook. My previous plan was to take train rides from the Pacific Northwest across the country. I’d see Idaho, Montana, Minnesota, etc.; then onto Chicago, Philly, and NYC; up to Boston, Vermont, NH, and Maine; down to DC, Nashville, Atlanta, and New Orleans; over to New Mexico and Utah; smoosh Yellowstone in there somewhere… basically see lots of new places, plus old friends (and meet friends in person with whom I’ve been corresponding for decades). But I’m not sure this is a good plan any longer, given the state of railroads these days. Dunno if I want to drive thousands and thousands of miles alone when I’m old, but…

I have this fantasy that after I retire (and after my kitty has rainbow-bridged), I could get rid of most of my stuff and do this epic trip in a comfy vehicle. But still… so much driving! Oww, my neck hurts just thinking about it. After the trip is over (three-four months, who knows?), I could figure out where to resettle in California, in a less expensive area away from the coast.

Be nice to visit Canada at some point too. That reminds me: I still haven’t bothered to get a passport after all that fuss to finally obtain my birth certificate. Yes, I am legal! I know, it was iffy there for a while, lol. But all this road-trippin’ is only a fantasy. It’s not like this crazy vacay would be cheap ~ I’d need to stay in a lot of motels and buy a lot of snadwiches. Not to mention gas!

The furthest I ever go these days is the Bay Area, which luckily is fabulous, and not only because my awesome daughter lives there with her awesome fiance and their awesome puppy. But mostly because of that.😍

PFF8 ~ Buy My Book! Thank

Friday Flashback

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on July 26, 2014, as a teaser to get peeps to buy my romance novel, Fiona’s Fling. It’s my best-seller, not that that’s saying a lot, lol. But people who have read it liked it ~ if you’re one of them, pleeeeeeease leave a review like Nancy and Gary did (💖💖💖). If you’re not, please consider buying it immediately, reading it, and reviewing it… honestly, what else do you have to do? Let’s be real. 🙄

Maybe I should work on my pitch.

Fiona’s Fling

Continuing my theme of relentless self-promo, here’s an excerpt from Fiona’s Fling on the Lit Central O.C. Website [link deleted because it changed]:

Cathy nodded as she took another piece of sushi. “Have more of this. Don’t make me look like a pig. So you figured to practice your mad lurve-making skills on this dude and get back up to speed . . . what’s his name anyway?”

“Mike.” Fiona swished a piece of sushi in the spicy sauce.

“Mike what?”

Laughing, Fiona said, “Well, I don’t know. He made this big joke of it, like he was a mobster. He did look Italian and could put on a great Tony Soprano type of voice.”

“But you don’t really think . . .” Cathy whispered and leaned across the table. “He is?” [link deleted because it changed]

I know some of you have already bought (and hopefully read) Fiona’s Fling cuz you are awesome, but there is still a chance for everyone to be awesome and buy Fiona’s Fling right now ~ and it’s on sale, yahoo!

PFF7: Floating

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on July 19, 2011. I still like it. Haven’t read any more Naomi Ragen, but I gifted some of her novels to my youngest daughter, who enjoyed them too.

Tiny Paper Boats

“Close your eyes. Let your worries go. Imagine tiny paper boats holding little candles sent off on a dark river, each boat carrying another worry. Watch them float away into the distance. You know they are there as they sail past you, but you are no longer connected to them. You are cleansed, empty of care. They are distant. Listen to your inner voice without worry or sadness. Stifle for a moment your own human noise. Listen to the Divine conversation.” [The Tenth Song by Naomi Ragen]

I love this quote, and this novel. Yes, it swerves into faith, but I choose to gloss over that and focus on the rest of the message. The Divine doesn’t have to be Big Beardy … it can be whatever I want it to be. This candle-in-the-boat really works for me as a relaxation method. It’s very specific and organized.

I read a few of Ragen’s novels years ago and the other week found this one at the library. So glad I picked it up. Now I want to read the rest of them, if available.

PFF6 ~ Forgettable

Welcome to my Friday Flashback! This post originally appeared here on July 12, 2017, a mere two years ago. Some people (women) are unforgettable, larger than life, and you retain vivid memories of them decades after your last meeting. Even if you’ve only met them briefly, something about their looks or vibe is utterly captivating.

I’m not one of these women. People forget me instantly. They forget my name and that they ever met or knew me. Men who slept with me don’t even recall it. I’m bland and ephemeral. Light as air. I should have been a spy, blending into the scenery wherever I roamed. I do like staying home though.

Windsong

I can’t seem to forget you…
Your 
Windsong stays on my mind.

Remember that commercial for the Prince Matchabelli perfume from 1980? I thought about it tonight when I unexpectedly ran across someone online from years ago and remembered him, but he had no memory of me at all. It was so vivid for me too, that connection we had during a time that was intense and painful for both of us, about a decade ago, and yet… it clearly meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. He apologized for failing to remember me, but it’s happened before, many times.

When I messaged this man, I was so… buoyant. I think that’s a good word for the emotion I felt earlier today. I had to shop at Target, and the whole time I was a bit floaty, thinking to myself how wonderful it would be to chat with someone who knew me from the time before… before the divorce, before my mother was gone. Why this is important to me, I don’t know. But it is. And so for a couple hours I felt light and happy, certain that my life would take a new direction as the man and I renewed our friendship.

I came home, put my stuff away, fed my kitty, fed the feral kitties (all three were around tonight!), got a snack, logged back on, and after a little while a message arrived. The man did not remember me. Oh well. Then that old commercial jingle popped into my head and I wondered if it would be possible to find it on YouTube. Of course… first hit.

[I replaced the dead video with a new one.]