Texture [CFFC]

Can you imagine the flaky texture of the coconut mingled with the sugary glazed soft yeasty donutty goodness in every bite? Mmm, this is definitely my favorite kind of donut, which I used to buy every Friday at the café in my office building, but they no longer have them. Probably a good thing, since now I just eat a Clif bar, same as I do every other morning. Rah, boring healthy things. If any nutritionists are reading, they will proceed to lecture me on how a Clif bar isn’t really healthy because it has too many carbs and we all should be eating egg whites, kale, and grapefruit for breakfast. 🤮

When my eldest and I visited Portland, OR, I had a brief flirtation with the gourmet donut phenomenon. They are tasty. We have a gourmet donut shop in Costa Mesa called Sidecar or something and I tried it. Yummy. But eventually I returned to the cheap, coconut donuts I’ve always loved. Runner-up is cinnamon crunch, which is not a plain donut dusted with cinnamon. God no. It’s a glazed donut with crunchy cinnamon nummies all over it that will crumble over your clothing and car, should you be silly enough to try to eat one while driving. I think Dunkin’ used to have them at the train station in Chicago, or else I’ve hallucinated the entire experience. I am getting old, and I’m entitled to my donut fantasies, TYVM. 💖

Daring to Share [SYW]

Lately it’s been rainy and cold (for SoCal), so I’d like to “share” that with you as a lead-in to complaining about migraines and aches and pains. Wah wah wah. I haven’t been very productive this weekend or worked on my novel at all because I felt like relaxing and goofing off in Blogland. Pffft.

Questions from Sparks

If you didn’t have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time?

– Read, write, watch movies on TV. Omg I’m so boring! But those are the things I like to do.

What job would you be terrible at?

– Anything that involves talking to people much more than I do now. Sales, customer service, retail, teacher, nurse, reporter, cop.

When was the last time you climbed a tree?

– 45 years ago?

Do you count your steps? 

– No, thank God, there’s one obsession I don’t have.

Bonus question (just because it’s really silly)   What’s the dumbest way you’ve injured yourself?

– There was the time I tried to open that stupid plastic on a bottle of Snapple with a sharp knife and it slipped and gashed my finger so badly I needed stitches. No, I wasn’t a kid. This was around 2010. 🙄

Melanie skipped the gratitude section, but I want to give a shout-out to my awesome daughter for driving down here yesterday with cutest baby so we could all have a fun visit at my place. 💖💖💖

The Weekly Smile

My smile is a little different this week. It’s not something small and self-contained but more conceptual.

I’ve been playing some of Rory’s Valentine’s challenges and got to one last night (no. 14) that I was going to write and schedule for today. Its theme was about my worst dates. Hah, I thought, I have a million of ’em… how to even choose? So many disasters, so many horrible jerks, so many…

Then I tried to pick three specific ones for the prompt. Worst date. Bad blind date. Dating disaster. Obviously this would be so easy for me! You’ve heard me complain for years about my terrible time with dating site men, etc. I’ve posted several funny stories but not scary-sad ones. (Or if I did, I deleted them.)

But a weird thing seems to have happened. While I remember that there were bad dates and can recall specific names and situations, the feelings have faded. When I used to revisit these memories, it was like walking barefoot over a field of sharp rocks. Ow ow ow! Last night it was as if the rains had come and the rocks were all underwater. I could see them, but they didn’t hurt me.

And I didn’t feel like writing about them. They all seemed too boring, with the ripples of the water making them look harmless. I didn’t want to reach in and pick up a rock to see if its edges were still sharp and hurty. Just leave them all.

This made me happy. This made me smile. I was serious when I said I managed to cure myself of my 2017 depression without therapy or meds. I let myself feel all the anger and sadness I needed to feel. I wrote all the poetry I needed to write. I didn’t hide anything away in the attic so that it would return to haunt me later.

And now it’s done. Sorry I can’t write about my bad dates. 😀😀😀

V4L Challenge 6

Chantal’s Chocolate Surprise

Chantal felt sad after dumping Cupid via text, but they’d only been dating a few weeks and she wanted to get it over with before another night passed. Not to be cynical, but she suspected his attraction to her was merely physical.

This new guy was different! His attraction couldn’t be physical because she’d been looking her worst when they’d first met.

“I’m allergic to nuts too,” he’d said as he took her blood pressure in the hospital after Cupid had gone home.

Chantal smiled at him as he introduced himself as Chad, the night nurse. “It’s such a bummer, Chad, since I love chocolate so much.”

He laughed. “Me too! If I could have three wishes, one of them would be all that nuts should magically disappear from chocolate.”

“Especially brownies since those are my favorite,” Chantal said. “But I just make my own.”

“I love cooking and baking,” Chad said. “But it’s dream time now though. You need your rest.”

“Okay,” she agreed. “I’ll dream of baking brownies without nuts.”

He smiled. “I’ll think about eating them as I finish my shift.”

As she looked into his eyes, she felt a sizzle down her spine and a warm cozy feeling spread throughout her body. “Did you give me a muscle relaxer?”

“No, the doctor didn’t order additional meds for you,” Chad said. “Why?”

“I just feel… different,” she said.

“I kind of do too,” he admitted. “Maybe after you’re discharged we should bake something chocolatey together. I’m not working tomorrow night.”

They had made a date for tonight and exchanged numbers.

I’m missing you already! Chantal danced around her kitchen and set the baking ingredients out on her counter. She lit a romantic candle that smelled like cinnamon and put a CD of love songs on to play. She couldn’t wait until Chad arrived so she could give him a big bear hug! Maybe for their next date they could have a picnic in the park in the sunshine. Chantal began to plan the menu in her head ~ of course she’d bake a special chocolate dessert…

Knock knock! Chantal forced herself to walk calmly to the door. When she opened it, two men stood there.

“Hi honey!” Chad said. “This is Brad.”

“Brad?” Chantal was confused.

“We do everything together,” Brad said.

“Everything,” Chad echoed. “So, how about those brownies?”

“Ughhh!” Chantal slammed the door in their faces and stomped back to the kitchen.

Dammit! She had really wanted brownies. Well, she could still make them. No reason why she couldn’t bake delicious brownies for herself. She didn’t need to share them with a man. Love sucks!

💔💔💔💔💔

FPQ13: Size Matters

Fandango sez…

“This week’s provocative question asks an age old question that has stumped philosophers across the ages. Interpret this question any way you want.

“Do you believe that size matters? Please explain your response.”

Of course size matters! Please click away from this post if reading something not politically correct will bother you. In fact, I’m kinda done being PC from here on out altogether. YHBW.

Size matters in all kinds of ways. Let’s take people (Americans, specifically): they’re getting much too large aka fat. I’m not talking about what is pleasing to me aesthetically because that’s irrelevant ~ I’m talking health. Our lifespan is declining and health problems are increasing, in part, because people are obese (and so are their beloved pets). Morbidly obese. Size matters.

Going along with this is portion size and total daily caloric input. If you haven’t noticed, it’s been increasing. Bagels are enormous. Cookies are huge. Burgers are double doubles. Drinks are supersized, extra large, or grande. Children don’t go an hour without a snack of some kind. We are not cows! We don’t need to “graze.” We now have a fourth meal if we stay up late. Just cuz we apparently need an extra thousand calories of energy to sit on our butts and play games.

Manufacturers have been adjusting their size charts for decades to keep pace with our flabby selves because they know we will get depressed to see we need a larger size and then not want to spend money.

Forex, I’m still a 4, but the 4 is not a 4. Ooh, what dark magic is this?! I’ll tell you. Over the years, they’ve been slowly increasing the size of the female form that can fit into a 4. I used to be a skinny 4; now I’m (what I consider) a slim to medium 4. Like most women, I’ve gained some weight, though not a lot, in the past 40 years. Yet… still a 4!

Marilyn Monroe was a size 12. People like to crow about this, as if she was some sort of example of a “thick” woman with extra curves. She wasn’t. She was a perfectly proportioned woman with a 36-24-36 body and would wear a size 2 or 4 now. A size 12 today is vastly different from the one MM wore. Size matters!

There are lots of other examples of size making a difference. How about housing? Do you want a studio apartment or a 3000 square foot house? I’d say size matters as far as paychecks, savings accounts, 401K plans, raises, bonuses, taxes, etc. What about pets? Do you want a vicious 10 pound kitty or a sweet 50 pound golden retriever? Size again!

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You’re waiting for me to talk about the other thing. Especially if you’re a man, since that’s all you ever care about. Fine, I’ll talk about your stupid vehicles. I fucking hate giant SUVs. There I said it. Buy normal cars.

The Madding Crowd

Nice writing prompt from Sarah Elizabeth Moore.

I stand out from the crowd because… I try to avoid the crowd in the first place. With rare exceptions, I make it a point to stay away from the obvious places where there will be masses of people: Disneyland, the malls near holidays, large concert arenas. This is not because I’m a snob; it’s because the feeling of being squashed in with a bunch of bodies and noise makes me feel like I can’t breathe.

Last March, I dumped Facebook and its related products. This makes me a little unusual, though by no means unique ~ plenty of people are getting by just fine without FB. And more are exiting every day. You do not have to be a prisoner of the Zuckerborg. Real friends will stay friends. There are lots of ways to communicate.

I decided in 2017 to stop dating, since all it did was cause me misery. I self-recovered from my depression since quitting and have been doing much better. Both things are a little unusual, I think: giving up romance at age 56 (in 2017) and curing myself of depression sans therapy or medication. I find myself to be happiest when I stay focused narrowly on work, health, family, home, and hobbies, and avoid any expansion sets.

Except for Game of Thrones, I’ve given up TV to read and write. GOT will be finished in April/May, so I imagine I will rarely if ever turn on my television except to do an exercise video. This is unusual ~ most people watch television. And again, it’s not snobbery on my part, but an unfortunate reality of time management. There’s no way I can finish everything I want to do if I’m distracted by the TV. I have a great need to see all my writings completed, not that I expect many sales. That isn’t the point. It’s the satisfaction of completion.

Everyone likes to think they’re special, and I suppose we all have at least something a little bit unusual about us, but with so many people in the world, there are likely others with that “unique” trait or combo of traits. I know there are those who don’t watch TV, who don’t date, who hate crowds, etc. Perhaps my daughters would choose different traits about me to label unique.

This is definitely an eye of the beholder question, and quite an interesting one! 🙂

Journal: Week 4

23. The last fiction book I read was Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman. I gave it four stars on Goodreads, which was a bit generous, but whatever. I like an unpredictable narrator, though I saw the twists coming in this and got a bit bored.

24. A project I’ve been putting off is hanging a painting because it involves a few annoying steps and mehhh.

25. The thing that frightens me is having to find a new apartment at some point. Everything will be ridonkulously out of my price range and idk what I will do.

26. A person I would like to meet? No one. I’m good with not meeting people and continuing to have imaginary friends, thx.

27. A change to make is the same one I say every time ~ get some exercise!

28. Thoughts about today’s events… idk, were there any? Let me go check the fake nooz.

A. Polar vortex: 🥶

B. Trump breaks with intel chiefs: 🙄

C. Bezos launches investigation into leaked texts that killed his marriage: 😂😂😂

D. You can skip these Oscar nominated movies: 👍🏻

E. Mental health linked to body clock: EARLY RISERS RULE YOU LOSERS!!!

29. One thing I always do is that they have to put a bunch in my kitty. (Used predictive text there, sorry.)

30. Something new to try is doing a book in audio format. One of my friends has a few of his books available in audio and they are selling well.

31. My favorite part of this past month was paychecks. It’s lovely to be able to pay rent and bills and things. It would be lovely to write poems all day too, but unfortunately I do enjoy having a place to live and food to eat, and so does Gatsby. 😸

Finally, a big thanks to Nova for posting this journal prompt. It’s been a good month for writing inspiration!

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut!

Nutty questions from King Nutball himself, Sir Rory, First of His Name, Blogger of the Crunchy and of the Smooth, also known as A Guy Named Bloke.

What will your epitaph read like?

– The Atheist: All Dressed Up & Nowhere To Go.

If you could explore anything Indiana Jones/Lara Croft style, where would you go first?

– Donald Trump’s tax returns. Will have antivenin on hand.

What has been your biggest mistake in the kitchen?

– Eating takeout sushi.

What was the craziest thing you did at school?

– Showed up drunk to P.E. with friend after lunch at my house. Teacher knew and thought it was hilarious, made us walk a line. Yes, I drove. Bad! Never do this, kids!

When you dream do you dream in colour, black and white or technicolour?

– Color usually, though I have not been remembering any of my dreams lately and I don’t know why.

What quote or saying do people spout but is complete and utter rubbish?

– “Never give up hope!” And similar nonsense. There are times when the most intelligent course of action is to stop sitting around hoping and praying for a “miracle” that will obviously never come but to move on emotionally and/or in other ways to heal from whatever the unfortunate situation is we’re talking about, whether a romantic breakup or a vanished career path or anything else.

What’s the most interesting thing you’ve read or seen this week?

– The crocodile 🐊 popsicles.

What’s the most useless talent you have?

– Doing well on tests.

Would you rather be alone for the rest of your life or always be surrounded by annoying people?

– Lol, alone. Luckily, being alone doesn’t bother me and I can easily handle bouts of loneliness. Thank God for books and movies!

Would you rather be locked in a room that is constantly dark for a week or a room that is constantly bright for a week?

– Bright. Surprise! But I actually am a bit scared of total darkness and would rather tone down brightness with a scarf over my eyes or sunglasses than not have light at all. If I couldn’t tone it down, I would adjust.

Would you rather relive the same day for 365 days or lose a year of your life?

– Relive, which is pretty much what I do now, lol. I’m getting too old to casually give up a year, which is a rather largish percentage of what I have left.

Would you rather find your true love or a suitcase with five million dollars inside?

– Give me the money! I’m getting a bit old to find true love ~ what would I do with him anyway, compare ailments? I’m reminded of that Hot in Cincinnati ep where the olds went on a date and chatted about their favorite meds.

(I like Valium. 💝)

Big Boring Pile Of Navel Glazery

So, peeps have been sharing all sorts of deep thoughts around Blogville this week. What kind of blogs do they like to read and what do they like to write? Which sorts of award tags do they enjoy receiving, if any? What gets under their skin, if anything? I have been sporadically commenting on these posts, but as is my wont I feel I need to organize my ideas in one place. 🐿

My ideas about blogging aren’t separate from my ideas about other things. I don’t do much compartmentalizing in life any longer, except for work-related purposes. What I’m saying is that I’m not fake here; this blog’s narrator isn’t a persona crafted for ego strokes. I don’t like the person I have to become when I role play online, aka lie. It becomes annoying and stressful after a while to keep up the facade. I lied for a long time and got tired of it. Lying is boring; truth is interesting.*

So, I like to read other bloggers who are also being real. That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re posting photos of their face or credit card receipts, but they talk about themselves in an authentic voice. They’re not afraid to reveal mistakes and flaws. They may showcase their art, in the form of stories or photos or poetry, but they don’t exclude their self from their posts. Their blog doesn’t read like an impersonal series of magazine articles ~ I am not interested in that kind of writing. Nor do I want to interact with bloggers who only post links and cliched quotes, while sharing nothing of their real selves. If I want links and quotes, I can access the google. 👍🏻

If you’ve been following me for a while, even a week, you’ll notice that my writing is all over the place. I’ll post an original poem or piece of flash fiction… then I’ll rant about something ridiculous… next I’ll jabber on about a song… or I’ll post a photo of my cat or a sunset or something I colored with pencils. I’ll answer prompt questions about writing or pets or dating or food or movies or wHaTEveR strikes me as fun at the time. I’ll grab a photo and dash off a quick story about it, romance or humor or even science fiction. I’m happy to find other bloggers who are likewise unpredictable in their writing. I enjoy reading what I enjoy writing. Simple! 😀

One note: while I love to read novels and do brainteaser games in meatspace, I’m not a huge fan of either on blogs. I like self-contained posts and I don’t want to spend a lot of time on each one. That’s not fair to the rest of my feed. So, you won’t find me commenting on serialized stories or solving complicated riddles here. 🦉

The time factor also comes into play with awards. Naturally I appreciate when a fellow blogger thinks of me regarding one of the awards going around, and I will always say thanks. I will also try to make time to answer their questions, if they aren’t toooo personal. But I generally don’t want to tag others or make up my own set of questions ~ that’s just my preference.

The other thing that’s come up is do we have a “thick skin” in relation to blogging. This can mean different things. I don’t ask for writing critiques on my work, nor do I receive anything but nice comments, so I’m lucky not to have to deal with negativity in that sense. I used to post about some of my dating site experiences and people offered advice that occasionally bordered on criticism. It sometimes bothered me, but only when they misunderstood me or the situation I’d described. After a while I decided to delete those posts anyway. I later wrote only a few carefully selected dating stories and things went okay.

As far as getting upset about my stats and who comments how many times yada… I’m fairly relaxed in comparison to some other bloggers who seem a bit obsessed. I’m not knocking obsession cuz lord knows I have plenty. Just not this particular one. I do look at the chart of visitors and it’s gone steadily up, so yay. Some days it dips. Idk why.

I don’t keep score, but I have a general idea of fair play. If I get a sense that a blogger I follow never comments on or likes any of my posts after I’ve been participating at their blog for a while, I may rethink if I want to keep following them. To me, this is about reciprocity. I didn’t pay to read your blog; the price is that you read mine. How do I know? Your likes and comments, same as mine to you. As I said, I don’t count, but I get a feeling.

Another note. While I appreciate all my followers, I don’t follow back bloggers who aren’t primarily posting in English. I’m not comfortable if I can’t read the majority of the posts, and no I’m not bothering with a translation since I only use the app.

Sometimes people comment on different things. I usually like photos of flowers sans comment. What’s there to say? Pretty! Eight hundred times. But I try to recognize with a like everything I enjoy. If I agree with an opinion word for word, I might not add anything either. I get that people are busy and follow many blogs; I don’t hold that against them. I don’t expect comments from everyone all the time. But I love them when I get them! ❤️

I think I covered everything that’s been going around on these topics, so I can refer back to this post if peeps want an expanded clarification of any point. Right. 😂

*This is on the tangential topic of truth in dating. I’ve been thinking lately that I feel a lot better, that I’m over my depression of 2017. So, maybe I should think about trying again? But no. Duh! That’s what flipped me into the depression in the first place: I was feeling good during the summer of 2016 and thought I was ready. But I wasn’t ready for the parade of liars and creeps, and I wasn’t ready to begin acting like I have no feelings when these predatory men thought it was fine to be insulting and creepy and critical just because I was “out there.” No, I’m not ready, will never be ready for that again. Call me a snowflake ❄️ or whatever you want, but I don’t like myself when I’m in dating mode. I don’t like the me I have to be to deal with them. 🤮

Sunshine Om Nom

The lovely Laura has nominated me for a Sunshine Award ~ thank you, Laura! ☀️

While I greatly appreciate the nom, my SOP is to answer the questions but not create my own or tag anyone. 🙂✨

1. Share one of your favorite childhood memories.

– I did not have a happy childhood, though it certainly wasn’t the worst by any means. Nothing dramatically bad, just not happy. Whenever I try to think of something good, it’s invariably tainted with negativity, such as trips to cool places overshadowed by my parents’ raging arguments. I had a sweet dog, but there are bad memories associated with her too. Sorry.

Okay, I came back to this one cuz I felt bad. When I did stuff with my mom alone, it was fine. We did lots of crafts, puzzles, sewing projects, etc. That was all good. It was awesome when we made a giant two-story Barbie house out of moving boxes, wallpapered it, crocheted little rugs, etc. Mom was very talented and artistic.

2. Which season is your favorite?

– I used to say fall, since I love all the things associated with fall ~ pumpkin, Halloween, dark stories. But I’m tired of being cold! So I’m saying summer. Bring on long warm days and sundresses, yay!

3. What song picks you up when you are down?

– Lots! “Ooh Bla Di Ooh Bla Dah” by the Beatles, “In the Middle” by Jimmy Eat World, “I Hear a Symphony” by the Supremes, “You’re My Best Friend” by Queen, sweet summery tunes by the Beach Boys… tons more.

4. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and why?

– Healing! First, I’d heal myself, then everyone I love/like, so no one would have to be in pain.

5. If you could time-travel, would you visit the past or the future?

– The future, though that might be depressing if you know who gets reelected, which he probably will because people. 🙄

6. Favorite comedian?

– Steve Martin.

7. Are you a fan of Harry Potter movies? If so, favorite character?

– No.

8. What is your pet peeve?

– Just one? Geez… okay, litterbugs.

9. Cat person or dog person?

– I like living with a cat more, since I can go away for the day or even overnight without worry, but I love them both. My daughter’s dog is wonderful. ❤️ I don’t like mean dogs obviously.

10. Favorite subject to write about?

– Me! 😂

Besides meeee, I like writing poetry of different types, comedy, flash fiction with a twist at the end, the occasional stray into supernatural or even darkness (my new novel gets a bit dark), but not outright horror, and of course classic romance with the happily ever after ending.