Category Archives: Dreams

FPQ60: Otters

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks… how we met our significant otter, or if we don’t have an SO, how we met our last one. My last otter wasn’t “significant” in the sense of being a long-term relationship (a few months of contact); but it was important in the sense that it marked the end of my dating days.

I met this guy ~ let’s call him “Michael” ~ via a dating site in 2016 after I took a break from dating. I had created a hidden profile and impulsively went live with it while at the Los Angeles County Fair because I was in a optimistic mood while hanging out with friends. What a fun day that was!

Anyway, I met a few guys who were meh and then Michael. I don’t want to say a lot about Michael right now or the specifics of our time together because that emphasizes what happened (and encourages people to give advice 🙄), when the crucial aspect is the totality of my dating experiences.

You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camel’s back, right? Well, I’m the camel in this scenario and these guys were straws, none of them that important, certainly not Michael. But he was the last one, and I did break. Before him, I met a bunch of lying liars, all in different disguises, and he was a lying liar too… wrapped up in a disguise I hadn’t seen before. But still he was the same as the rest, and when I understood this I was finished with it all.

I fell into a depression, not because of him, but over the loss of the dream/fantasy that I would find someone. For decades, I had nurtured this dream, fed it romance novels and love songs and Meg Ryan romcoms. I truly thought I would have the happily ever after, my soul mate, my eternal flame. Giving it up left a huge void of darkness. I cried all the time. It was hard to sleep or I slept too much. Negative thought spirals took control of my mind and refused to let go. It took about a year and a half for me to get better.

Believe them the first time

But getting better is an ongoing process, and it does not include dating. I know people mean well when they encourage me to try again or say nice things about meeting someone, but part of my healing is coming to terms with the fact that this is not going to happen and that part of my life is over. I can’t allow myself to be subject to the agendas of liars and narcissists again; I can’t put myself in the position of being harassed and stalked by whiners and bullies when I don’t do what they want. It’s too traumatic and stressful to think about. I’m getting shaky even typing the words.

I realized that dating sites themselves were a huge part of the problem for me. They attract the worst sorts of men (whether pay sites or not), and the older you are the worse it gets. The men were significantly sh*ttier when I was on at age 55 than when I was 50. They acted like they were doing me a favor by even saying hello, like I should be grateful for their attention. I get that other women are able to ignore the jerkos and focus on finding the prize in the pile of poo, but that’s really hard for me. I am affected by comments from jerkos. That’s why I like to preemptively block them here and on Twitter when I can. 👻

So, when anyone asks for my opinion of dating sites, I tell them that they all suck. If you enjoy becoming a product/commodity and having a people look you over for your features as if you’re a TV on Amazon and reject you for a better deal, then maybe you will enjoy the sites. Not me.

Besides, we shouldn’t meet anyone now anyway. Who knows how often they wash their hands? Back to cybersex! 😍

~*~

Images from Fandango and Google.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

With Nets Of Wonder

Love is in da blog

Happy February! I’m participating in Bee’s fun music challenge again and hope you’ll join in (you don’t have to play every day).

Today’s theme is a love song from when we started school ~ I assume kindergarten. For me, this was 1966 and there were a ton of love songs around. I’m choosing a sweet fave by Bob Lind: “Bright Elusive Butterfly of Love.” 🦋

I guess it could be viewed a bit stalkerish by today’s standards, just like “Every Breath You Take,” and lots of romcoms too. What’s up with Harry leaving all those messages on Sally’s answering machine anyway? She told him to get lost!

~*~

Written for Love Is In Da Blog Day 22.

Image credit to Happy Color.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Silent Siren

Siren on the rocks at sunset

The silent siren sits alone, her seductive song long lost to the ravages of time and salt.

Yet the one she waits for hears the melody of her aching heart and sails toward those jagged rocks.

He arrives under a storm-bruised sky, the sea swirling in confusion, only to find the dream he followed was a dark illusion.

~*~

Written for Three Line Tales 212

~*~

Image credit to Unsplash.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Stars Fill My Dream

Love is in da blog

Happy February! I’m participating in Bee’s fun music challenge again and hope you’ll join in (you don’t have to play every day).

Today’s theme is a song for our first love and before I could choose a song, I had to figure out who exactly counted as my first love. Was it my first boyfriend, who was an ass, but we exchanged ILY regardless? Or my second one, who was great, but I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship right then? After some pondering, I went with Guy 2…

We had a wonderful time together, and I regret a lot of things, especially that even when we reconnected during my divorce I was too stressed out to be a good friend. I doubt he’ll ever see this post, but “Kashmir” was playing one summer afternoon in his car in Chicago when we were happy. I can recall that feeling of being in love and not having a world of burdens upon me… and gorgeous music floating all around in the sunshine. I found this beautiful video today to match the feeling of the words. I hope you’ll listen and watch. ❤️

~*~

Written for Love Is In Da Blog Day 4.

Image credit to Happy Color.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Epiphany

I dreamt I was a lonely soldier
Walking through empty silent chambers,
My footsteps echoing like bullets.
Sword in hand, I marched all night
Until the oppressive dark subsided.
Sunrise flared like a muzzle flash,
Blasting the bricks with golden fire;
The warmth reminded me of desire.
Memories lurked like jungle snipers,
To ambush my tenuous self-control–
I chanted mantras to scare them off
And waved my sword so brash and bold.
A thousand crows flew screaming
And discharged the story of my life:
The joy, the crash, the poison kiss…
And then I knew the bomb that ticks
Inside the prison of my ribs
Was no longer mine… but only his.

~*~

Written for Sadje’s What Do You See?

Image from Pixabay.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

2020 🥳✨💖

Stars in space

I am my own gaslighter;

I sabotage my dreams;

I whisper insults in my ear;

And dismantle my best themes.

But this time I refuse to yield

To my old self-doubting threat;

I begin to set my sights on stars

And I’ll have my best year yet!

~*~

Image from the Happy Color app.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Looking Forward

I have been enjoying other bloggers’ recaps of the year past and usually I do something similar. This year however I’m skipping that type of detailed post. One reason is that I’m just too lazy to copypasta links to my top ten posts in a new post. Another is that I just don’t care which posts received the most views ~ and if I don’t care, why would you?

Lots of times a post I love (usually a poem) gets fewer views and comments than some picture of an old flower or whatever, so I find the stats pretty meaningless. I guess if I were monetizing the blog, I would obsess over such things, but I’m not and don’t. Also, it matters which day of the week and time of the day a post goes live, but I’m too busy to check that further. Plus, it’s boring.

The most important part of recapping the year in my opinion anyway is to thank everyone who has read my blog, whether regularly or sporadically, and interacted with my writing. So, would like to extend a hearty thank you to all my readers! ❤️ I appreciate all of you! 😍

Looking forward, my intent is to keep on blogging as usual but perhaps a bit lighter on quantity, since I’ve been refocusing on my unfinished writing projects. I began a new humorous story recently and it’s now taken priority over every other piece of fiction ~ I hope to have it available for sale on Kindle in the next few weeks. After that, I want to get serious about cleaning up my writing to-do list, like I said I would last year. 🙄

I spent a fair bit of time dealing with audio books last summer and was disappointed in the small amount of sales. I thought the talkers would do promo. I also assumed the site itself would market me. All wrong. Oh well. Since that was no fun at all, but writing is, I’ll stick with the written word.

I also need to read more books. With my move and other busy-ness, I’ve been in a reading lull. Writers need to read! Not just blogs and news, but real books. I can always feel my creativity and imagination begin to bubble and boil when I dive into the worlds that other writers have created. It’s a crucial component of the craft.

Dream big, my friends! 💖✨🥳

~*~

Image from Bitmoji.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Mirror Lake #writephoto

One shimmering day

Enough to sustain a dream

Long beyond its range

~*~

Written for Sue’s Daily Echo

Image from the prompt site

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon

One-Liner Wednesday

This is somewhat true for me. I’m still missing my mom 11 years on, and she was definitely someone I “had,” a huge part of my life, but otherwise… yeah. It’s pretty easy for me to dump material possessions as I downsize (again) for moving. But it was difficult for me to let the “soul mate” dream go. I’ve never had a soul mate, which may seem ironic for a romance writer, so when my 20-year marriage ended, I became more determined than ever to find this person. It took 5 years of increasingly frustrating and depressing situations for me to realize I had to let the dream go for my own mental and emotional health. I talk about this a lot because it helps me reinforce it to myself. I just today posted in comments to 2 blogs how much happier I am without the wings of this dream beating in my brain.

But it was a struggle to lug the thing to the trash bin and leave it there.

~*~

One-Liner Wednesday

Image found on Google

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

Doggie Dreams

Stream of consciousness Saturday

Once I had a dream of dogs and they were frightening, a whole pack, about to attack and kill me, circling around. It was mixed in with driving and my ex… I posted about it, I think, but we aren’t supposed to go look things up in our SOCS. Yesterday or the day before I dreamt of dogs again. It’s not a theme that recurs (npi) frequently, so it’s significant, imo. I don’t dream about cats either. Animals simply don’t inhabit much real estate in my dreamland. Anyway, I did look up the meaning of doggie dreams, not that I necessarily believe in any of that woo. Supposedly, dogs represent fidelity, loyalty, protection, and self-defense. But those would be nice dogs… my old dream wasn’t about nice dogs and my recent dream was about two huge, scary dogs jumping on me, one at a time, putting their paws on my shoulders, and staring into my eyes. Each time, I was sure I would die. Their owner, a mean horrible man I don’t know, stood to the side and did nothing. But the dogs didn’t hurt me, despite the fact that he didn’t call them off. I was terrified though.

The dream interpretation site said that a dog in a dream could be a self-protective emotional barrier, so maybe the doggies that put their paws on my shoulders weren’t dangerous. They could have been guarding me from something. The man may have been irrelevant. There were two dogs. One was brown, which may mean I feel out of control wrt to a relationship or may be starting a new one. And the other doggo was white, symbolizing friendship and happiness. I guess this doggie dream was a much better dream than the first one, where the dogs were aggressive and chasing me ~ symbolizing anger with my ex. Even though these last two doggos were huge and put their paws on me, there was no actual threat.

Sometimes a dog is just a dog. 💖

Adorable golden retriever puppy

~*~

Images credits Shelley Krupa and Diane K.

©️2019 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.