I’m a Believer

Each time I decide to paint a picture, I am absolutely sure it will turn out great. Even though after all these years I’ve painted only one piece I’m happy with, still I believe. I’m not sure why exactly this belief persists in the absence of any evidence that my next one will be a masterpiece, but it does. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I haven’t painted in a while, partly because of my OCD. For me, it’s not simply a matter of getting out my supplies and setting up. Oh hell no. First, I must check out the newest videos from my favorite painting tutor The Art Sherpa. Second, I choose my favorites and put them in order. Third, I realize I forgot to look at the tutorials’ difficulty level, so I return to step one. Finally, after I pick the painting I want to create, I see I don’t have all the right supplies, even though I’ve spent an ungodly amount of money buying stuff.

I plunge ahead, making the best of it with colors that aren’t precisely the ones Sherpa is using, dabbed onto brushes that aren’t the exact same size as hers, and possessing a complete lack of an artistic skillset. From the start, I’m fretting that my painting doesn’t look like hers. That’s OK! She says each one is uniquely beautiful. Meh. Halfway through, I’m already annoyed that I can’t get my hand to obey the command from my brain to recreate the picture in my mind.

Eventually, I finish the thing, after fussing over it for hours, redoing sections, etc. I try to like the end result, but I don’t, and in the trash it goes. That’s another four hours down the drain, time I could have spent watching a couple more romcoms…

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©️2023 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Reena’s Xploration Challenge 262 (image) and Pam’s Soapbox Thursday 1 (OCD).