I’m a Believer

Paintbrushes paint colors

Each time I decide to paint a picture, I am absolutely sure it will turn out great. Even though after all these years I’ve painted only one piece I’m happy with, still I believe. I’m not sure why exactly this belief persists in the absence of any evidence that my next one will be a masterpiece, but it does. I guess I put a lot of pressure on myself.

I haven’t painted in a while, partly because of my OCD. For me, it’s not simply a matter of getting out my supplies and setting up. Oh hell no. First, I must check out the newest videos from my favorite painting tutor The Art Sherpa. Second, I choose my favorites and put them in order. Third, I realize I forgot to look at the tutorials’ difficulty level, so I return to step one. Finally, after I pick the painting I want to create, I see I don’t have all the right supplies, even though I’ve spent an ungodly amount of money buying stuff.

I plunge ahead, making the best of it with colors that aren’t precisely the ones Sherpa is using, dabbed onto brushes that aren’t the exact same size as hers, and possessing a complete lack of an artistic skillset. From the start, I’m fretting that my painting doesn’t look like hers. That’s OK! She says each one is uniquely beautiful. Meh. Halfway through, I’m already annoyed that I can’t get my hand to obey the command from my brain to recreate the picture in my mind.

Eventually, I finish the thing, after fussing over it for hours, redoing sections, etc. I try to like the end result, but I don’t, and in the trash it goes. That’s another four hours down the drain, time I could have spent watching a couple more romcoms…

©️2023 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

Written for Reena’s Xploration Challenge 262 (image) and Pam’s Soapbox Thursday 1 (OCD).

23 responses to “I’m a Believer

  1. I have absolutely no artistic talent and I admire your courage for trying. Believing in yourself can take you a long way and talent can always be developed. I love the Monkeys, nice song choice Paula.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you Neal you have and enchanting little alley. I would love it if I was to visit.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oops. I thought I was leaving a comment on another site. WP bumped me to yoursPaula. sorry.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I congratulate you on taking on painting at all. I can’t paint my way out of a paper bag.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do that with my writing. Everything has to be just so, and if it isn’t I get up to fix and adjust multiple times. Then, out of the corner of my eye I see somebody left the closet door slightly ajar or some such stupid thing and up I get to close the damn door…


    It’s a miracle I get anything written at all. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Nope, Not Pam

    I’m like that, if it’s not perfect I get so annoyed 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think you do have talent, but you put too much pressure on yourself

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Would love to see that one masterpiece you are happy with 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Excellent song choice, lol

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Pingback: Paula Light on RXC#262 – Reena Saxena

  11. Sounds similar to my writing efforts

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Pingback: Reena’s Xploration Challenge #263 – Reena Saxena