Lost Love

couple dancing sunset beach

Maggie takes the reins this week to continue the Throwback Thursday series. Today we’re talking about our first heartbreak, such a cheery topic. Well, it could be worse ~ we could be discussing our last heartbreak and then you’d have to read the ghosted crap all over again.

1. How old were you when you had your first heartbreak? (For some it might be well into adulthood and that’s fine, too!)

Twenty-two, which was only semi-adult in my case, as I was still living with and financially dependent upon my parents.

2. Who broke your heart – first names only?

I don’t use names with failed relationships, but let’s say it rhymes with shark.

3. Do you remember how the breakup happened?

It wasn’t exactly a breakup, since we weren’t an official couple. My parents were moving to California, and I thought I might stay in Chicago, as nutty as that seems now. Well, I was in love with Sharkie, my bestie and I were going to get an apartment together, and I’d just started a good new job. But (1) Sharkie took another girl on a camping trip because I didn’t want to ask for a week off so soon (imagine, me camping, lol!); (2) Bestie decided to keep living with her parents to save money; and (3) my parents bribed me with a new car to move with them. So I left.

Moving truck van boxes

4. Did you have a ring or token of your love? Did you return it?

Lol, no. He never gave me anything but pain. (Cue dramatic music.)

5. Did you think this was true love?

I don’t know what true love is, but I think there should be some degree of mutuality. He liked me, but that’s all, while I’d had a mad crush on him from the first moment he sauntered into class.

6. Did you play any sad songs to soothe the pain? If so, do you remember the name of the song?

Mostly I avoided “You Are the Sun” by Lionel Richie because we’d slow-danced to it in a Chicago bar at closing time, and that’s when my crush turned into something more. The song still gives me the sads.

7. If you were an adolescent, were your parents sympathetic or were they of the “it’s only puppy love” school of thought?

My parents didn’t know anything about it. I generally don’t mention my heartbreaks until way after the fact. I have this fear that I can’t express my emotions strongly enough in mere words and thus my feelings will be dismissed. It’s not an irrational fear either, since this has happened a few times.

8. How long did it take you to get over it all?

Not sure if I am, but the ghosted experience (and subsequent depression) tends to eclipse all other heartbreaks.

Ghosted novel

9. Do you remember this person fondly or is it someone you prefer to forget?

I remember him fondly and occasionally give him a google to see if he’s still working at the same place. Recently I viewed an updated photo and he looks better than ever. I don’t resent him for taking another girl camping when I couldn’t go ~ he made it clear early on, while we were just friends, that he was polyamorous, though we didn’t use that term back then. You always think you’ll be the one to change them…

10. After all was said and done, was it for the best or did you remain longing for a love lost?

I honestly think we could have made it work if I had been able to tolerate his wandering eye (and possibly he would have outgrown it). We had a lot in common and enjoyed role play, which most men do not. In fact, I’ve never met another man willing to do it, other than in bed (tmi, sorry). It’s not the only way to keep things interesting, but it works for me. The Sharkie heartbreak did turn out for the best, however, because my sadness over him helped motivate me to move to California, where I ended up having my lovely daughters.

©️2022 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted.

13 responses to “Lost Love

  1. I am sorry for your heartbreak. I guess everything turned out for the best.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Paula, heartbreaks are never easy, especially when it is the first. I can understand why you have a feeling of sadness when you hear the song you danced to. It says something that even though our hearts were broken, we remember them fondly. Thanks for biting the bullet and responding.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I had my first serious crush when I was in the sixth form (at school, aged sixteen to eighteen). She was my best friend’s girlfriend’s best friend. We were all in the sixth form at school together. I followed her around for two years hoping she would talk to me and that I would say something clever and witty and she would fall in love with me. Nothing happened. In retrospect, I’m fairly sure she didn’t like me very much and wished I would just leave her alone, and I wish I had, partly because I think I was just annoying her (I hope not creeping her out, but who knows?), but also because there were quite a few girls in my school who would not have been a stupid choice for me to ask out, and maybe one of them would have gone out with me. But I think deep down I was pretty scared by the idea of actually going out with someone and probably self-sabotaged on some level.

    I guess some people would say that doesn’t count as a real heartache because we were never involved so there was no break-up, but I was pretty upset at the time. Also, if that doesn’t count because we never went out together, then the “break-up” that was probably the most upsetting thing that ever happened to me, relationship-wise, wouldn’t count either, and it certainly does, but I guess that’s a subject for another time.

    Liked by 2 people

    • If it’s upsetting, then it counts, imo. My “recent” heartbreak (2016) was due to a short romance. When I tried to talk about it with friends, they dismissed it because of that. But the truth is that it was the most painful relationship experience even counting my divorce ~ the divorce was expected and I had time to emotionally prepare for years. So, no, I don’t dismiss anyone’s pain! ❤️

      Liked by 3 people

  4. Thanks for joining in Paula. Pain over lost relationships can leave deep scars no matter when they happen.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Heart break is the shittiest feeling but Cana be the best thing to ever happen to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Took another stroll down memory lane of much correspondence around my divorce, including your words of wisdom on the subject, after learning of idiot ex’s 4th marriage. This time there were no tears as it made me realize how long I put up with his crap and how much better off I am now without him. Like you, I did end up with my two lovely daughters as well and am actually living close to them at the moment.

    Liked by 1 person

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