I recently went through a really bad breakup and had sworn off relationships forever until… the garrulous ghosts in my attic began an especially loud discussion of Star Wars vs Star Trek. Other gothic mansions in the neighborhood were haunted by nice, quiet, whispery ghosts, but of course mine had to be full of drama, which was why I could never sell the place, even if I threw in the laboratory for free. Note to self: look for a new real estate broker on the morrow.
As the otherworldly argument escalated and thunder grumbled in the skies, I wished I could change the channel, but unfortunately their screechy voices came straight down through the dumbwaiter. When I heard the stairs creak and moan, I felt a sudden urgency to escape, and naturally I ran outside in my filmy white nightgown, as you do. I brushed my hair first and dabbed on eau de starlight, as I am not a barbarian.
One of the itinerant preacher-carpenters was wandering about in the rain, on his horse with no name, muttering about small gods and the lack of work lately. It’s true we were all cutting back due to the war tax ever since the Queen had spotted a UFO over her garden party and we had to prepare for the possibility of an invasion from outer space. As soon as the preacher-carpenter saw me, he jumped off his horse, folded his lanky body into an awkward half-kneel, and asked me to marry him.
“But you’re just a preacher-carpenter, and I am a lady,” I reminded him. “I see no future here, though I have loved you all these years, for I am soft-hearted as all proper ladies are and visit the orphanage once a month to distribute silk ribbons to the little angels. What’s your name again?”
“It’s Mike,” he said, which made me feel very indecisive about the entire situation, as all my previous lovers had been named Mike, and none of them had proposed, due to the ghosts along with the silly rumor that I was mad mad mad just like all my ancestors.
The storm rolled in, and it was a furious display of nature with lightning crackling nearby, and so I said yes yes I will yes.
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