Hidden Hearts [mlm]

Swans love pair bond

If it weren’t for blogging, no one but my daughters would know about my heartbreaks. In person, I’m much more of an introvert than I seem online. Rather than cry in front of friends, I am more likely to joke about an upsetting experience or pretend to shrug it off as no big deal. I dislike making people feel uncomfortable by sharing emotionally heavy burdens, even though intellectually I realize that’s how you form deeper relationships. It isn’t simply about giving and caring; you also need to have the ability to accept caring from others. If you keep your heart hidden away and guarded 24/7, it’s not a surprise when others don’t feel close.

A long time ago a man said to me, “You’re different from what I expected.” When I asked him why, he said I was much sweeter and nicer in person than I appeared online. He meant that in chats I was outgoing, flirtatious, and sarcastic, while in person I was quieter and more… accommodating. It’s true. I have always found it easier to express myself in written words, but is that the “real me” or is the nicer meatspace version my actual self? Both are, imo.

When I’m staring at the empty page (or blank screen), it’s so much easier to say what I really feel. This is true for many, which is why we keep seeing folks get suspended, banned, etc. from the various platforms. Fortunately, I have developed the habit of staying far away from certain topics, such as work and naming names. I’ve written a great deal about a few men, but no one knows who they actually are. I reserve their real names for my in-person jokes, of which there are many.

But I am not reticent about revealing my heart here on the page/screen. I can always delete a post, but once words are spoken, they take on a life of their own.

It’s only words
And words are all I have
To take your heart away…

~*~

Written for Mindlovemisery’s Challenge.

Image from Pixabay.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

26 responses to “Hidden Hearts [mlm]

  1. I agree you are a nice person who did not deserve those hardships.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You always seem a nice, and also interesting person to me Paula. But, like you, I kind of cry on my own and then get all screwed up inside lol

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A thoroughly enjoyable post Paula and I think everyone hides some of their personality. Nice Bee Gees tune.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The gap between online and in-person selves is an interesting one. I think I’m funnier online than I am in conversation because I have more time to think up a good response. I’m also less self-deprecating in-person. It makes sense that different situations and contexts bring out different parts of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. A lovely reflection, Paula. Resonates. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Grat and meaningful post, Paula! I am one of those many that see a blank page and can speak how I feel. Written words are much easier than speaking them. Thanks for using my prompt 🤗 I too am very introverted.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree, it’s all real. Different bits come out in different contexts, but it’s definitely easier to let up on the inhibitions online.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I was brought up to never reveal emotions. I have learned over the course of my life that this is not a healthy way to live. I do not think there is any problem with letting things out on the blog post page. I enjoy the sides of you that I see on those pages!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m much better at writing out my thoughts than sharing in person too.

    Oh, and you seem pretty nice to me, Paula 😉

    But maybe you’re secretly an axe murderer… who knows? 😉

    Much love,
    David

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If it weren’t for blogging, no one but my daughters would know about my heartbreaks.
    Yeah, I don’t let anyone know about my Blogging, except my partner. I know though, he wouldn’t be interested in reading it anyway, lol

    Liked by 1 person