Birds of a Feather

Swans love pair bond

This week, Fandango provocatively asks…

Do you feel that people are more attracted to one another by their differences or by their commonalities? And why do you feel that way?

You can guess my answer by the post title and photo, right? I can only speak for myself and my observations, but I think it is more likely for people to be attracted via commonalities, and that is the key to long-lasting, happy, healthy relationships. I don’t mean that people need to be clones of one another, but if they don’t have a similar outlook on life, compatible values, and mutually enjoyable activities to share, they’re just asking for arguments all along. Now, here is also another interesting observation: some people like to fight. They thrive from that adrenaline rush they get from being upset, yelling, and then making up passionately. Or not making up, in the case of friends, I suppose, but simply moving on to the next disagreement. I see that all the time on social media. But I find it unbearably stressful to interact that way, and more so the older I get. But to each their own, hey?

But guess what? Yep. I seem to have been attracted to men I haven’t been able to get along with because we are too different. This doesn’t happen to me in friendships, only in romances. The friends I have now are board game lovers, for the most part, so we start from there. Most of us also enjoy concerts and movies, though not always the same ones. Since it’s a largish group, there are always a few who are interested in doing a particular activity. Some enjoy hiking and/or traveling, but I don’t, which is fine because there’s always someone up for a movie instead (plus I don’t need to do everything with other people). We don’t all agree on politics, so we generally avoid that topic. Unlike some, I don’t feel the need to constantly voice my opinions on current events and get into fights about that sh!t.

Yet when I used to date, I ended up with men who didn’t like games, wanted to watch mind-numbing TV shows, and were super into sports. Beyond that, our worldviews clashed. I’m a careful person: I like to make plans and stick to them, avoid risk, and think about the future. But instead of dating men with similar qualities, I ended up with a bunch of nutty unreliable risk-takers who didn’t want to commit to anything. Men who were completely stupid with money. Men who craved constant travel. Etc. I even dated a T* supporter once. How crazy is that?

There are plenty of cute stories about opposites attracting and having a wonderful time together. I’ve read a zillion of them via romance novels, and it’s a romcom meet-cute staple as well. But that’s fiction. Unfortunately, my mind was soaked in fiction for so long that I had a difficult time accepting how it was better to date a boring, safe person like myself with similar values rather than an “exciting” opposite. I too felt the “rush” of roller coaster arguments/making up, wheeeeee! But that’s an unhealthy dynamic. I learned too late that I should have chosen differently and now am no longer interested. But I am thankful to have a great group of friends.


Image from Pixabay.

©️2021 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon. Thank you.

12 responses to “Birds of a Feather

  1. Having friends must be nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think it depends on the person. E and I are scarily alike. We even agree on a lot of stuff that is in no way necessary for us to agree on. Mind you, our relationship has largely been long-distance. I’m slightly nervous about what will happen when COVID finishes (if it finishes…) and we get to spend more time together in person. But other people seem to like the differences. My paternal grandparents were very different people, but they had a very long and loving marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Back when I was interested in that kind of thing, the type of person I would find sexy for a quick fling was quite different from me, but for an actual relationship, there’s got to be a lot in common.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I’ve thought having different interests brought an added dimension to a relationship – as long as each was willing to either share the interest or happily let the other person pursue the interest on their own – the operative word here being ‘happily’. I’ve usually chosen romantic partners who have an opposite personality to mine – I can be a bit intense so I instinctively chose laid back partners – it’s a good match until it isn’t.


  5. I think you effectively voiced the same way I feel, Paula.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Maybe alike in some categories, opposite in others? Seems like there are so many ways to have a relationship. Both like music, but one plays electric guitar, the other an accordion? Well, that actually makes sense.
    Must agree if the roll of toilet paper unrolls from the top, or the bottom. A must.

    Liked by 1 person

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