M is for Memory [socs]


Memory is such a strange thing sometimes. My father, in his dementia, remembered incidents from the far past, whether accurately or not, I don’t know. He recalled people who had died and thought they were still alive; he tried to visit them and got lost. I had to take his car away, which was sad. But then he began trying to walk to their homes (that didn’t exist) and I had to place him into a safer living situation. When I was driving him to the new house, he asked me if we were in Canada.

I remember certain events, conversations, feelings from ages ago too, and I don’t know if my recollections are true. That bothers me. Sometimes I can confirm them with my girls or others, but most of the time there is no one who can verify or dispute my memories. I have no siblings or cousins or even friends who go back far enough. What if a whole event didn’t even happen and I’ve based other decisions or feelings on it? All these stories…

Then there’s this crazy lockdown year. I’ve experienced the time fog that many have described, where the days pass slowly, in mostly the same limbo of nothingness, and it feels like last March was years ago. It’s hard to recall what I did last week, last summer, last spring. Things seem near and far both, just out of reach. When did I read or watch something? What did I say on the phone to so and so? All the mental landmarks we use to help us remember have been wiped away. Emotional touchstones have disappeared for me now. I can’t say oh I know this happened on such and such a day because I was at game night or we were having dinner at a particular restaurant. Nope. None of that. All gone.

I wonder when my memory will go back to “normal,” or if such a thing is even possible anymore.


©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

16 responses to “M is for Memory [socs]

  1. Doing the same or similar things everyday and living at home most of the time is enough to confuse people

    Liked by 1 person

  2. March 23rd this year was in another age, a better time, before we were all thrown into prison. 🌹

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t be disheartened. We are all going through the memory issue, those of us that have not gone places, socially distanced and stayed at home much of the time. I recently retired in September and I find myself questioning what day it is, what I did with myself two days prior, etc. I believe this will all change once we get back to our pre-Covid routines, when we can connect memories to our daily activities and social events.

    The memories of your dad resonate with me as my mom went through the same in regard to dementia – thinking her younger brothers were still living, wanting me to take her “home,” believing she had money in her purse when she didn’t and more. Sending hugs to you for what I know was painful at times and love for the special memories you still have of him.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I get the memory fog thing too, but I’ve had it for years. I guess the whole lockdown thing has been easier for me because the only thing that really changed was Ben staying home instead of going to school. Even that was just longer than a usual school break.
    This pandemic will have repercussions we haven’t even thought of yet. I hope some good comes from it. Maybe people will learn not to be so superficial? Not take so many things, or people for granted?
    2020 is definitely a pivotal year!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, being in the same environment all the time does strange things to the memory. And then the tiny little outings that would normally seem so inconsequential are now things of great importance. Strange times indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

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