FPQ58: Shattered Illusions

Fandango’s provocative question

Fandango provocatively asks…

What is something you’ve long believed to be true, but you now realize is not true?

This question definitely lives up to its name and has provoked a lot of thinkies. While there have been minor and/or short-lived beliefs I’ve held that life has popped like a room full of party balloons, nothing comes close to my cherished and false belief in love. 💔

Now before people start hollering at me… I am not saying I have ceased to believe that love exists. Don’t be silly. Of course, I know that people find love all the time. Other people. What I mean is that for decades I was absolutely certain with an unwavering faith that love existed for me. A soul mate. All that romance novel crap. But soon I’m going to turn 59 and I have given up. In fact, I can pinpoint exactly when I gave up: Thanksgiving 2016 when I got dumped by someone I really believed was a good guy who wanted to be with me and would follow through on the plans we’d made. 🥀

Some people will say that it’s because I gave up that I can’t find love. There’s some woo theory that you must behave as if love is already in your life and wake up every day with the idea that you will be with your soul mate imminently. So, you’ll be happy and smiling and dressing beautifully, since you would be doing these things if you were meeting your love for brunch… and then by some miracle he will appear at the car wash or something. Idk. It’s not my theory, so don’t expect me to defend it! 🤣

The thing is, how long does a reasonable human behave this way? Six months? Ten years? You wake up happy, smiling, put on a gorgeous glittering gown, sashay off to the car wash… and they go, “Jesus, it’s that crazy lady again waiting for her soul mate! When is she gonna bring a car here?”

So, anyway. Giving up gave me freedom. I quit the dating sites. I deleted Meetups. I even exited Facebook and Instagram. All the social media sites that were supposed to make you feel connected to people (and potential soul mates), but left me feeling more isolated and alone. I began to focus only on work, family, friends, and writing. I quit spending money trying to look “sexy” for some man I hadn’t met and most likely never would. I revitalized my blog, which has always been my favorite form of “social media.” 😻

Now, in a movie or novel, this is exactly when I would meet my soul mate, right? When I’m focused on my own life and doing things that bring me joy, rather than searching outward for happiness. But this is real life not a romcom… so no.

Bitmoji shrug


Image credits to Fandango and Bitmoji.

©️2020 Paula Light and Light Motifs II. No unauthorized use permitted. Please check out Paula’s books for sale on Amazon.

21 responses to “FPQ58: Shattered Illusions

  1. I have a pretty good life- got my dog, got my jeep, a little money in the bank I can write without distractions and when I feel like it I travel. Doesn’t sound like a lot- but it is.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Being self- partnered as I think is the term, can give you freedom to be your own self.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. There is no such thing as a soul mate, as some people stay together and some break up, because people change over time. If you are happy, that is all that you need.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The best, most enduring love is the love you have for yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Chris McLaughlin

    I dunno Fandango: I do better with my dog. (Hey Paula!)

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I believed all the fairy tale, romcom, John Hughes crap too.
    Now, if the universe drops someone in my path, cool. If not, also cool.🤷🏼‍♀️ I like my own company😻 and the company of the animals that own me🙄😂

    Liked by 3 people

  7. I’ve had many relationships over my lifetime. Most of the long variety, even a few live-ins. For me they all ended much the same — love faded out. After awhile I started to believe that this was normal in all relationships. Time fades love away. So after my last ever relationship of 9 years! When both of us started feeling this way, I thought it to be normal. But she didn’t see it that way.

    So I got to thinking? How many people in long term relationships that you know of are still truly in love? Are still happy with each other? Would honestly do it all over again?

    I believe in evolution and human nature. That we are a species evolved like the rest of the animal kingdom our goal is simply to pro-create and further the progression of our species. Not fall in love and stay together for ever. That’s always been a fairy tale fallacy pressured on us by church and mislead society. Today, there are more people choosing to live alone then ever before. Perhaps we’re starting to figure this out.?

    So you are among a very growing diversity who now lives independently alone. No big deal no worries, it’s human nature —welcome to the club!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Great attitude, Paula! I have learned through oft-repeated experience that the things I want had come to me not just after I quit looking for them, but after I’d found my own happiness within and quit caring whether or not they’d ever come. Sometimes LONG after, but the wait just made it sweeter when it arrived! Good luck.

    Liked by 1 person

Your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.