It Could Have Been Worse

“It could have been raining.” (Young Frankenstein)

That would have definitely been worse! Let me explain… and hopefully you’ll smile. I know I had to or else.

Ten days ago I smashed my toe on the wheel of my bed. It still hurts a lot, and the top of my foot is so bruised and swollen I can’t wear closed shoes without limping, but luckily I have two pairs of old lady Naturalizer sandals (one black, one beige), so I’m okay until it’s cold. I guess it doesn’t matter if my toe is broken or not, since it’s straight (not that there’s anything wrong with gay toes or bi toes or whatever… I don’t remember all the things). It’ll heal when it heals.

Continuing with the “most accidents occur in the home” theme, last Saturday I stabbed myself while cutting an avocado. I don’t mean I sliced my finger; I mean I literally stabbed myself in the left palm. I couldn’t believe it happened. Bad things happen so quickly ~ have you noticed? I’m like wait, no, I didn’t mean to be so stupid! Welp, too late. So much blood. Probably because of all the Advil I’ve been taking for my foot… but the stab had to clot sooner or later, was my theory. I’m a logical person. I did not want to go to an ER full of germs. 😷

Happily, I had a handy dandy first aid kit in my bathroom, yay! It expired in 2003, wtf? Seriously, how did that happen? But the gauze and bandages were still good. I fixed up my hand and went to CVS. Wow, there are so many fancy bandages out now! It’s really hard to choose. I bought a few different ones, tape, some medical gloves (to keep my hand dry while washing my hair, you pervs), etc. Now I have a splendid pile of supplies and feel ready for the next disaster.

Okay then. Last night, I came home from work, thought everything was going as well as could be expected. Foot was the same, but at least I had comfy sandals. Hand was healing nicely. I got out of my car and saw a window screen on the ground. That’s funny, I thought, how would a window screen…

Omg…

BAD KITTY!!!!! 🐱

I grabbed the screen (with my good hand) and ran hobbled upstairs. Oh, thank God, Gatsby was still in the apartment! All these years, I’ve made sure to leave the main windows open only two inches when I’m not there because I can’t trust him not to go crazy at a bird, but this last year he’s been much calmer and I’ve been leaving them open 24/7 when it’s hot.

Obviously, his mellowness at the windows has all been a ruse. His intent all along has been to attack one of the screens and knock it out. Luckily, he forgot to escape… or if he did, he returned. How would I know? 😳

By far my largest fear is losing my kitty; he’d be an orphan all alone out there with speeding cars and hungry coyotes ~ how long would my sweetie last? 😢 But what if something had come in that wide open window? A big scary bird… a flying elephant on laxatives … a horde of killer bees… a sharknado? Gahhh!

Hence the Young Frankenstein quote.

~*~

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