Life with Gatsby


1. Setting the scene.

Last night I was relaxing on the sofa, reading and trying not to spill my iced tea, as my cat lounged on the floor. I stretched out my legs, at which point I inadvertently touched Gatsby’s tail with my foot. I immediately apologized as he turned and glared at me.

2. The apology tour.

Gatsby continued to glare at me, which led me to believe my apology was insufficient. So, I put down my tea and picked him up for cuddles. It was hot, and for a while he simply lay on my lap seemingly accepting my loving pets as silent penance for the Foot Tail Incident.

3. Escalation of hostilities.

After a few minutes, Gatsby lifted his head slightly and bit my arm twice, sort of like gnaws. I took this low-level sniping as a chance to assure him that it was totally fine for him to retaliate for the FTI, and I accepted the bites as my punishment. He altered his position and bit me sharply as if to say, yes, the FTI does merit this and more. Then he did a very scary thing: he went into crouch attack mode, his golden laser eyes focused on my face!

4. The negotiations begin.

“Gatsby,” I said (with my hand on his back smushing him down), “you have just bitten my arm three times. I think that is enough retaliation for my one touch of your tail with my foot. You got me three to one! You win! Yayyy Gatsby! There is no need to launch yourself into a furmissile now. We can both relax again and be friends. Why not go look out the window or have a snack or go snooze on the bed?”

I thought this was a very articulate and logical speech. I had complimented and congratulated my enemy. I had not criticized him for possibly overreacting to the FTI. I suggested options for his next actions that might be enjoyable. But do you know what he did?

He ignored me! My negotiations had been countered with rejection!

5. All-out war.

The instant I removed my hand from his back, Gatsby launched at my face and I blocked him. I had to push him on the floor like a b*tch playing Twitch (whatever that is). Then I grabbed my squirt bottle of mass destruction and got him as he ran behind the sofa! He hid in his kitty condo to reconnoiter while I went to the bathroom.

When I came out, I resumed my original place on the sofa and Gatsby flopped down on the floor in the same spot where the FTI had occurred earlier. He had apparently forgotten that I was his nemesis. Whew!

Just another Friday night at Castle G. ๐Ÿฑ๐Ÿ’–

35 responses to “Life with Gatsby

  1. Gatsby needs a dose of catnip to get his crazies out.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s not acceptable behavior in any way from a cat or any pet

    Liked by 1 person

  3. A casual wave of the meow goo gai pan section of the local Chinese restaurant menu might do wonders for the G-manโ€™s disposition. Just a thought.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Squirt bottle…great idea. When Sophie won’t stop trying to use me a as kneading pillow, I turn her into a “sail cat”. She is tossed from my lap towards the door I wish her to exit through. She “sails” about three feet through the air.

    Gatsby should remember who provides the nom noms. Just sayin…

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Your cat bit you? Three times? I would’ve bitten him back and then squirted him!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I totally get it. Cats like attention up until they don’t, and they’ll let you know about it. I’ve been bitten and scratched by Cricket once in awhile mainly when she’s had enough messing with me playing with her. She’s fast with her swipes. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very eventful evening. ๐Ÿ˜ธ๐Ÿ˜ผ๐Ÿ˜ป

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Besides my allergies, this is a good reminder of why I don’t have pets. Bad kitty!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. CATS! So opinionated and sure of themselves. That is what makes them so interesting I think.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My son’s cat Bart is a biter sometimes. He is also very fluffy. He knows he can get away with things.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Some cats have a weird way of expressing their love sometimes! ๐Ÿ˜€ Gatsby is so adorable I just want to cuddle him! โค

    Liked by 1 person

  12. That name cracks me up, perhaps has a unique personality with the unique name?

    Liked by 1 person

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