Paula’s Friday Flashback

Fandango has yet another great idea! Is there no end to them? (Rhetorical.) He suggests we repost an older post today to give our readers a {{{ fLAsHBacK }}} to days gone bye. Now, I am not following directions precisely (when do I ever?) cuz I used to not only skip bunches of days but also delete posts on whims. Crazy wot? So, this particular post I’m sharing is dated June 6, 2011, which was yesterday. Deal with it!

More on Romance and Porn

Because you are not tired of this topic yet, nope. 🙂

(Look, it was either this or complaining about how my dad can’t handle his banking any longer and now I have to pay his bills on top of all my other monumental burdens like, um, deciding whether to blog or hem my beige pants.)

So this Salon article, which was criticizing a hit piece targeting romance novels, purportedly set out to defend both porn and romance, but did neither very well. Sometimes I wonder why I visit Salon at all; so much of the writing is pure crap.

But that’s not what I’m here to discuss. I followed the link to the KSL article warning women away from the potential addiction of romance novels, which I have to say was much better written than the Salon piece, even if you disagreed with it. I suppose there is a nugget of truth to the idea that if you spend all day every day reading about perfect alpha fantasy men you’ll eventually find your own normal lump of a husband not measuring up in comparison, but most women aren’t going to be consuming romance novels like the way they eat bags of Snickers bars in the closet for Pete’s sake.  (Not SAYIN’ anyone here does that with the Snickers bars, ahem.)

Never mind that in any case. I followed a sidebar link from the KSL piece to Moore to the Point’s romance novel bloggery. Obviously this is a religious dude with an agenda, but so what if he makes a good argument, I say. And I’m saying that.

Both are based on an illusion. Pornography is based on the illusion of a perfectly willing, always aroused partner without the “work” of relational intimacy. Often romance novels or their film equivalents do the same thing for the emotional needs of women that pornography offers for the erotic urges of men.

And in both cases, what the “market” wants is sameness. Men want the illusion of women who look just like women but are, in terms of sexual response, just like men. Women want the illusion of men who are “real” men, but, in terms of a concept of romance, are just like women. In both artificial eros and artificial romance, there is the love of the self, not the mystery of the other.

Ooh. Interesting, no? I think so! Discuss. I have to get ready for work.


I don’t actually have to get ready for work today, June 7, 2019, cuz I took the day off to celebrate National Donut 🍩 Day!

P.S. My dad passed away March 11, 2013.

21 responses to “Paula’s Friday Flashback

  1. Yay. Great flashback to 2011, five years before the insanity of the Trump era. Simpler times. And that article you quoted had an interesting theory on pornography and romance novels. Men want women who behave and think like men and women want men who behave and think like women. So does that mean that, below the physical façade, deep down inside we are all homosexuals?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Haha, maybe! And it is nice to think about the time Before. There’s a theory that the world ended when David Bowie died and those of us in Trumpland have actually gone to hell. 😱😱😱

      Liked by 1 person

    • “Men want women who behave and think like men and women want men who behave and think like women.” This kind of describes the relationships I tend to get into. Interesting.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. OK, answering your “discuss” from 2011 – it is an interesting point, but it seems pretty one dimensional. I guess that religious dude doesn’t get as turned on by what happens between a woman’s ears as between her legs, but a lot of guys do…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Good point. He may have been referring only to the addictive aspect of consuming huge amounts of porn (or romance novels), so as to warp one’s perspective and focus only on the physical. Personally, most guys I’ve known have not been like that. We’ve just had other problems.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. yummy…nice blog post…thanks for share

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “In both artificial eros and artificial romance, there is the love of the self, not the mystery of the other.”

    So what I’m hearing is that to really be happy I have to learn to love myself. I’m probably hearing that because that is what I have been hearing and getting told for some time now. I tend to smirk and just go back to what I was doing. But I know there’s truth down in there, underneath all the piles of hard work that go along with actually becoming a person you like to be with. As if.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep. Well, you seem to keep finding peeps. Women, I mean. And having relationships that make you happy, at least for a while. I didn’t really get to have that post-divorce. I mean, I had the married dude, but he doesn’t really count, since that was never going to be anything really. We couldn’t go out & about together anywhere. It’s only lately that I’ve come to understand how I needed to really do some work on myself from childhood stuff and things that messed me up from the ex. But I didn’t and so it’s best I just chill.


  5. I found an old place to go looking an lo! here is a blog post from ten years minus two days ago.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Omg! So cute. And more things I love:
      1. Ten years ago you were still bitching about not having time to write.
      2. Everyone’s old icons… squeeee! (Puppies are cuter though.)
      3. I can’t comment cuz I’m not a “team member” ~ wtaf? LOL
      4. Blogger still annoyingly opens comments in a new page.
      5. Yes, I am on my laptop because I was going to do Important Things, but YET HERE I AM HERE. Gah.


      • Well, don’t comment there, all those old blogs are private and sekrit and I would never check for traffic anyway. But I was just looking around and wow. Time really does pass by whether we ask it to or not.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I know. I still have Ultrablog backed up on Google drive, but it’s hard to access those posts since they come up in html gobble.


      • I still have bits and pieces saved of my very first blog, that I foolishly killed off by releasing the url back into the wild after some asshole pissed me off and I decided to quit the online life. Sure glad I did that.

        Liked by 1 person

      • One of mine was taken over, after I switched names.


      • Wait, they’re not private or sekrit, obviously. They’re just, uh, moribund, There’s a word. And never to be resuscitaterated.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I read this post of yours via email, as usual, but I couldn’t resist visiting the actual blog post to see if you had corrected the typoo in your title. To my utter surprise, you have not. Carry on.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. an interesting post from you paula. you had your blog in 2011? wow! I started my blog in 2012 but it was my old blog and its no longer online now, i started this one in 2015. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

Your thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.