My Way or the Highway

Another Rory and Doodle Pip Production.

Oh No Way, Oh So Way – My Way![6]

I have eaten snails

Oh So Way. Unfortunately, my parents along with a waiter coerced/forced me to try a disgusting horrible slimy snail when I was 11 in the spirit of being adventurous. It was super traumatic (for the poor snail too I imagine), and I’ve never had another. I also took the lesson and never forced my kids to eat anything they didn’t want.

Received a speeding ticket

Oh No Way. Never have in almost 42 years of driving. I’ve received two other tickets and worked them off in traffic school. One was deserved and one was not, but I don’t argue with cops.

Fallen asleep during an important meeting

Oh No Way. Not during work, never. Though I regularly dozed off during an 8am European history class at the University of Illinois and messed up my quizzes. I ended up with a B even so because I always do great on multiple choice exams, and for the essay portion of the final I simply lucked out. I had memorized the 8 points of fascism right before the test and that’s what he asked us to write about. Don’t ask me what they are now cuz I don’t remember.

Sunbathed nude

Oh No Way.

Taken part in a talent show

Oh So Way. Yeah, I’ve read some poetry at gatherings and such. Done open-mic stand-up comedy a couple times. And waaay back when in 8th grade the girls had to model the crap we made in sewing class.

Worn Crocs

Oh No Way. Yucky.

Screamed at a scary scene in a movie showhouse

Oh No Way. I try to avoid scary movies altogether, but even so I would gasp not scream. I did scream at a haunted house thing where I had to put my hand into a dying man’s guts to pull out a clue so we could leave the room. I actually couldn’t do it and my doctor friend had to. 😱😂

Been involved in a hit and run

Oh So Way. Twice. The first time was on the Pacific Coast Highway in Newport Beach on my way to work. A woman in a red VW bumped me and acted like she’d pull over but then took off. The second time some total ahole hit me around midnight on the 55 in Tustin, and I chased him for a while but lost him. 😡😡😡

Been locked outside when naked

Oh No Way. What? Lol

Been approached by a hooker

Oh No Way. Not unless you count the con men on dating sites.

Re – gifted a gift to someone else that l was gifted

Oh So Way. I’m sure I must have done this.

Fallen over something in the street whilst texting

Oh So Way. Not while texting, but just while being a general dorkasaurus.

Fallen asleep on the toilet

Oh No Way.

Had sex in a tent

Oh No Way. I don’t think I’ve ever even been in a tent!

Properly kissed someone of the same sex

Oh No Way. Nor improperly.

Surfed

Oh No Way. Athletic endeavors and I are not a good match, especially if they involve balancing.

Had sex on the first date

Oh So Way. I don’t recommend this. I understand that some people end up in LTRs after beginning with casual type events, but in my experience I have not found it possible to turn something shallow and superficial into something serious and meaningful. Of course, if all you want is the casual thing, then go for it.

Holidayed in a nudist camp

Oh No Way. Nothing against them if that’s your thing, but I’m already freezing to death 24/7.