I wasn’t looking for anything extraordinary, just a carrot cake recipe made with almond flour. Google, google, google. No! I do not want paleo recipes made without sugar (yucky) or vegan recipes made without eggs (ick). I cleverly redid my search with minus signs in front of those words.
Why are all the recipes for two-layer cakes? My annoyance is burgeoning. I minus the word layers and put in the word sheetcake. OH PARDON ME IT’S TWO WORDS. (I left the one word here to be funny. I am funny! People have said. Many people.) A million recipes appear and each one has a list of one million ingredients each. Why do I need half a thimble of magic glitter from a hummingbird’s wing to make a FUCKING CARROT CAKE? I want to take a blunt instrument and smash my computer to bits, but I can’t because my daughters gifted it to me after I destroyed my last one.
Also, why do recipe bloggers jabber on in enormous essays before the text of their recipes? NO ONE CARES about your vacation in Chattanooga or wherever the fuck to visit Aunt Mildred. Just put that on another page along with stories about your dog and your gallbladder operation. We are only here for the recipe! That’s what we googled! And no one needs to see a macro close up photo of your pan. We all know what a pan looks like. And a spatula stuck in batter. JESUS F. CHRIST.
Okay, so maybe I need a mentor to show me how to internet. Idk. Why is it so hard to find things anymore? I can’t find good vids on YouTube these days. Recipes are a pain in the ass. The only thing that still works great ~ actually better than ever ~ are maps. Google maps. I use them constantly. Not to get anywhere, silly. Why would I want to leave my apartment? (There are people out there, gahhh!) But to have the characters in my stories go places and do things.
My NaNo protagonist has to go up to Fresno for a funeral. Then she’ll be off to Aruba and it has to sound legit. I can’t go to Aruba myself to research there personally, though if anyone has been to Aruba feel free to leave me some cool deets. No deets necessary on Fresno. I’m doing great, btw… almost 6K words, hopefully 7K by the end of the day!
I did find the almond flour sheet cake carrot cake with a normal number of ingredients, if anyone cares. I will make it soon.