(Powell’s in Portland, OR)
Inspiration or demotivation for a writer?
Last Friday night I went to Barnes & Noble in Newport Beach to pick up a game I’d ordered online (Wordspiel, fun). Of course I took the opp to check out the books too.
Sometimes I find it exhilarating to be around published books. I want to run right home and work on my novel. I could be on the shelves at B&N too someday! People could be choosing my book to read out of all the others. That’s an exciting thought because I don’t write only for myself.
That feeling is the lightness and joy I feel when contemplating how I can create something new for the world. Yayyy!
But other times, like last Friday, I find it overwhelming and depressing to be around all those published books. Why bother writing? There’s so much great stuff to read already and I won’t even have time to make a dent in it. I don’t read enough as it is (according to my standards).
The weight of excuses starts piling up until I just want some form of escapism to take my mind off the idea of writing at all. Games, movies, TV, romance novels…
Also, the sticky whispers of self-sabotage start singing to me… you aren’t as good as these writers, you don’t have enough time or energy to write seriously, you have no contacts in publishing, you’ll never get anywhere, never be read by more than a few, never make money, yada yada blahhh…
I really wanted to buy a dozen books, go home and read like mad, and forget all about NaNoWriMo. But books are so costly! I still have a ton of crappy free ones on my Kindle and dammit I’m going to waste my brain on those.
And do NaNo like I said. I guess. 👻🎃