Thank the goddess I have been freed from the possibility of being a billionaire Mega Millions winner! I am just now discovering what a terrible burden that would have been.
First, you can’t just cash in your ticket like it was a hundred dollar winner. Oh no. You have to plan. Best to discreetly plop the thing in a safe deposit box and head over to a lawyer’s office to figure out how to stay as anonymous as possible after cashing it in. It’s not like you can go live in your normal unprotected house or apartment after your name hits the media. Are you nuts?
Second, I’d have to hire a bodyguard for Gatsby. 🐱 Everyone knows how much I love him, so he’d be an immediate catnapping target. I’d have to hire a second guard to keep an eye on the bodyguard. And a third one for the second one. Can’t trust anyone!
Third, all those relatives from back East who have forgotten I’m alive would suddenly remember. How fun that would be! Not. 😜
Fourth, I’d have to quit my job so I could deal with tax accountants and real estate investments and charitable contributions and such, but I actually like my job. And that would screw up my Social Security and 401K thingie. Annoying! 🙄
Fifth, all the handsome, eligible 50-something men who rejected me on dating sites because I’m not a fun buxom blonde ski bunny would suddenly decide I’m the most interesting woman in the world. How boring to have to crush their hopes one by one. 😂😂😂
Day after day, after all the newness settled down, I’d awaken in my luxury abode, work out in my home gym, get a massage from my personal masseuse, nosh on a delicious brunch prepared by my personal chef while gazing at the waves from my balcony… chat with my daughters who would also be living the dream… then I’d work on my novel while my rescue kitties scampered about (other people would be paid to clean up after them, natch)… have friends over later that night for board games and gourmet pizza made by my chef… it all would just be so samey same after a few decades ya know?
Like I said, I feel much more empowered now that I know my ticket was a big fat loser.