Regarding That Staple Thing…

While it’s true I got tired of Monk, the show, I still think about Monk, the character, and some of his… eccentricities. Fans may recall the episode where he interviewed people for the position of his new assistant after Sharona ditched him. Monk appeared negatively disposed toward one of the candidates because she had stapled her application at an angle. I too value a perfectly put together presentation. It shows not merely attention to aesthetics but also respect for the interviewer/prospective employer. Why would you want to hand your future boss a sloppy project?

So, let’s discuss stapling because it’s important. As a secretary, I deal with a lot of staples, and this is a subject I think about frequently. (Though I think about those colored plastic clips more often.) A long time ago I decided that due to the difficulty of getting a staple exactly parallel to the edge of the paper, it was better to deliberately position it at a jaunty angle. Nothing dramatic and crazy, not 45 degrees for heaven’s sake. The crucial point is it must be jaunty. You don’t want the staple to look like a failed parallel. Omg, horrible.

I experimented today by trying to staple parallel. I began with a dismal 20% success rate, which increased to about 40% by the end of the day. That’s unacceptable! And I did not remove the staple for a do-over because that mars the document. I simply lived with the parallel fails, unlike Monk, because I actually had to get a day’s work done. In the magical world of TV writing, no one ever seems to need to earn money.

Alrighty then. I think we’re clear here. By the way, you know I’m talking about normal staples, right? Heavy duty staples must be parallel obviously. 🙄

30 responses to “Regarding That Staple Thing…

  1. Monk was wrong. A staple at 45 degrees makes turning pages over so much easier. Or is this wrong? I bow to your experience.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I think you’ll find if you hold the stack of papers at a normal reading distance, and then turn a page with your left elbow remaining close to your side during the entire page turning operation, the optimal angle for the staple will be more like 20 degrees, depending on the length of your arm. 45 degrees will eventually result in a slight tear at the point where the top of the staple ends because of the uneven stress of the paper along the length of the staple, ultimately contributing to the erosion of society.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. PS I wish I knew what your profile picture represents, if anything. Until I know, I will find it very disturbing…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I think my OCD shows in other ways, or else I was just in too much of a hurry when I was stapling. Fun piece, btw.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Never staples. Paper clips!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I long before switched to paper clips

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Staple practice makes perfect!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. LOL. This brought back memories. First, I remember this Monk episode. Well, that’s not fair because I saw few episodes during the initial run and have been playing catch-up on cable. I saw this one not that long ago. Second, when I was a Navy Radioman, I worked in a message center. We’d pull messages from a teletype and some of these had to be manually run to other places in the building. (OMG, how ANCIENT!) There would be long messages that I’d cut and staple. Well, I wasn’t consistent on how they were stapled, but I didn’t care and I never thought anyone would care. WRONG. Apparently, Mr. Monk used to be Lt. Monk of the 38 Division. I got an official message from Lt.’s office demanding the staples be horizontal and at the upper left corner, approximately an inch from the top of the paper. WTF? I mean, I complied, but I thought, “It’s a FUCKING STAPLE.”

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I use a nut and a bolt. But, for God’s sake, you have to also use two washers. Chrome, or nickel alloy, and if you use the locking type, it just shows that you’re an amateur.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. I enjoyed this, being a Monk fan and also a bit OCD. I prefer stapling at an angle – 45 degrees. It just looks good! 😆

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’ve always assumed my staples are perfectly parallel. But now I’m afraid to look! By the way, I staple vertically. Makes it easier to flip the pages to the side.

    Liked by 1 person

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