MP1: Book Club

Book Club

My handy dandy MoviePass came in the mail on Friday, so naturally I activated it that night and ran right out to see my first movie on Saturday afternoon. I decided to see Book Club. It was first on my list of current movies and playing right near me in Triangle Square, where (strangely) I never go, even though it’s actually the closest theater to my apartment. I guess that’s because I always see movies with friends and that’s just not a convenient central location. I could literally walk there, not that I would (what, are you nuts?).

Anyway, of course parking was a major hassle, as usual. No wonder we don’t go there. What a pain in the butt. I left in plenty of time but began to worry I’d be late. I will never understand why people simply don’t drive up to the top of a parking garage when the bottom levels are full. WHY DO THEY HOVER AND WAIT? All you have to do is go around and up and up and then, viola, like magic, there are a zillion spots. It happens every time! Finally, I got a nice top spot away from the maroons and then like an even bigger maroon I couldn’t figure out where the theater actually was. This is a geometrically confuzzling architectural construction with staircases that don’t connect to all the things and just ugh. Lots of restaurants are smushed in the levels and people sit outside being noisy and irritating.

Okay, so finally I found the theater, hurrah! There was a bit of a line which was fine cuz it gave me a chance to open the app and check in for my first time. Wait, what. This is an e-theater only. What’s that mean? I haz to select my movie and seat and I’m not allowed to change my mind. If I screw up, I’m done for the day, boom. No more movie for you! Well, geez. I stood there in the blasting sunshine trying to peer at the seating chart on my phone and stab at an aisle seat toward the back. Bam. No takebacks!

I get up to the window and the guy says I didn’t have to stand in the line cuz I already have the ticket code thingie on my phone. Well, aren’t I a dumbass. He doesn’t even want to see the MoviePass credit card. Fine, whatever. I go in, show my phone to the otter guy, and he tells me theater two. I stumble around, find my seat, and some fat man with a vat of popcorn is sitting in it. I ask if that’s G5 and he moves over one seat. Apparently the whole row is a group of friends, all jabbering excitedly, great. As I look around, I see the theater is stuffed with old people, all happily waiting for this old person’s movie. WTF am I doing here? Oh, right. I’m old too. Forgot.

The lights go down and an ancient biddy shines a flashlight in my face. “Those people are sitting in our seats, Mildred,” she huffs.

“We are not!” grumbles Popcorn Man. “These are our seats.”

“We’ll just sit over here in these empty ones on the side.” Biddy and Mildred plop down in the clearly inferior seats.

Popcorn Man chuckles. “This whole row is ours.”

Damn right, Popcorn Man. You defend our honor! Fight for Row G. This is our turf, bro.

It was quite an experience for my first time I must say.

Oh, the movie? Book Club. Enjoyed it! Funny, poignant, not as cliched as I had expected. Highly recommend. That’s my in-depth review.

11 responses to “MP1: Book Club

  1. Lol. It’s not just going to a show… it’s a life experience. Thanks for including your readers on your night out. It was fun. But next time i gotta figure out how to swipe some of that popcorn from the fat dude.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. hey! i finally met Looners and his lovely Mrs. yesterday! they’re gonna come over to our place in July *crossing fingers* and Dr. Blorfsalot and i had a great time with them.

    also, i’m on Twitter now. @SexsonJulia you should find me there!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Absolutely fricken’ hilarious. You are on a major roll here. Best movie review I’ve ever read in my long sweet life. More!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. It’s easy to see why we humans have taken over the Earth. The other animals just don’t stand a chance. Were there T-shirts? With “Row G” silkscreened on the fronts?

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Still my favorite movie-going experience ever was when that large muscle-dude walked down to the row of late-teens and informed them that whoever had that fucking laser was gonna look pretty funny with it shining out of his ass, and also mentioned how much he’d appreciate it if they’d shut their cakeholes and watch the movie so he didn’t have to embarrass them in front of their girlfriends. That entire section of theater became a black-hole of quiet and non-assholery for the rest of the showing. Don’t even remember which movie it was, but Big Thumbs Up!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. We saw the Star Wars thing yesterday and I must say, I didn’t mind it. We didn’t go to the fancy reserved-seat theater though, and after nearly toppling over into the row beneath me at that theater, I’m not sure I’ll return, at least not to the top row of seats. (I fell and bruised my arm and hand though. Seats were on a higher, wooden platform and in the dark I didn’t see and I tripped when I stepped down.They need to add a strip of safety lighting to that row.) Anyway, we’ve been going at “slow” times, but not yesterday. SO MANY PEOPLE. I like the theater when it’s a bit more empty.

    I want to see Book Club now.


  7. We just loved this movie. Candice Bergen is a comedy ROCK STAR!


  8. Antoinette Truglio Martin

    Sometimes the people watching/interacting is more fun than the movie/event.


  9. Pingback: MP6: On Chesil Beach | Light Motifs II

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