I was chatting with a friend the otter day and lost track whether it had been 5 or 6 years since my divorce was final. (It’ll actually be 7, this July.) The years roll on by. This month marks 5 years since my dad passed away, and April 13th will be the 10th anniversary of my mother’s death. At the end of August, I’ll have been at my current job for 17 years.

Nothing dramatic, but I feel that 2018 is finally starting for me now on March 1. I didn’t feel well for a bit and, except for my daughter’s wedding, 2017 wasn’t that great of a year overall… the end of it slid into the blackness without a splash. It’s taken a few months for this year to get going in my mind. Emotionally, I needed to process the fact that time passes so ridiculously quickly now and quit wasting so much of it. I saw some piece of trivia that we really only read around 4000 books in our life ~ so let’s not be gobbling up so many crappy ones ~ also let’s not allow a month to pass without reading any (note to self).

I read two books in February. One was supposedly “great,” a NYT bestseller by the demigod Ethan Canin Titled A Doubter’s Almanac, which took me a long damn time because I tried to grok the math, and lol the joke was on me [spoiler alert]… it was fake. Yes, in the era of fake news, we also have fake math. I enjoyed the beginning of the book so much, but then when the narration took a weird turn I started wondering about the math theorem and looked it up ~ fake! I thought, okay cool, he made it up for his fiction. I can respect that; I make shit up all the time. Fuck, I’ve made up whole cities. But dammit, I felt betrayed. I had invested so much time in the book’s philosophy up until that point. In fact, it reminded me of my own philosophy, my central thesis, my touchstone…


But eh fuck it. I read the rest of the book much faster, skipping most of the “math” and just trying to keep it together structurally until the end because I had a hunch about what might happen regarding son/father and… viola… I was correct. Sheesh, what a long book. Unnecessarily so. All those beautiful women falling for dorky mathmen with no social skills because of course they do. I love male fantasies. They’re almost as stupid as female ones.

Then in two days I read a nice, neat, normal murder mystery by Robert Dugoni titled My Sister’s Grave. Well, it wasn’t “nice” exactly ~ made me cry a little. Good book. Significant flashback sections, but after the fake math stuffs? Totes fine.

Point being, with unlimited time I would read every book, see every movie, give each tune a listen that friends slap up on FB. But time is running out. Well, not time precisely. It’s not doing anything. But I’m finite. I don’t want to waste another 3 weeks immersed in a boring father/son angst marathon only to discover there’s no such thing as the Malosz conjecture. Break my heart! Never trust a writer.


The Daily Prompt: Restart

6 responses to “Restart

  1. I totally feel you. At 50 now I feel life flying by. I feel my work grinding me a little. It’s challenging and often fun, but I also feel like it’s… well… Okay, I think year over year, you should be building more – building on an earlier foundation. Yet every year I feel more like I’m just being ground into hamburger and spending more time defending potential losses than building a career. It’s sales, so that’s the way that shit goes.

    The good part is it has me doing WAY more writing, esp. screenwriting, and working on shooting a couple short films – one this summer, the other this fall or early next year. It’s easier to just get stuff done because it’s either find another way to break through, or get ground to fuck before the end.

    I could also learn chemistry and find an old Winnebago…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Fake math! The horror. I wouldn’t even have thought to look it up…or wait…maybe I would have. When I read Jurassic Park all those years ago, I looked science stuff up. Anyway, I don’t waste time on crap that doesn’t interest or thrill me in some way, so in the last year, I’ve started several books, decided I hated them, and quit. This is something new for me, since I always finished books, even the ones I didn’t like. But now that I’m well past mid-life, I don’t have time for that shit. There’s another book in the pile, so…NEXT.
    I enjoy nice normal murder mysteries and action novels and will always pick one of them over pretentious crap. ALWAYS. Even good old Jack Reacher books.
    “All those beautiful women falling for dorky mathmen with no social skills because of course they do.” I am laughing my ass off.


  3. I think the fake math thing betrays the reader in a way, or at the very least defies the expectations of the 21st Century reader. Look at the scrutiny of
    The da Vinci Code. This is just borderline, maybe, but I wonder how many other people felt just a little put off. If you wrote something with a bit of fictitional science as an important plot device, how would you handle that? A brief mention in the preface, maybe?

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think so. I’m not sure if I explicitly say my towns are fictional, but that isn’t important to my plot. The math is central in the Canin book, a character in itself.


  4. Pingback: Restart | Wired With Words

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