10 Years After

Exactly 10 years ago today I flew to Maui with my husband and children. I still have the children, though they are adults now ~ two beautiful daughters, smart, kind, good people, successful college grads, and fully employed. I no longer have the husband.

Sometimes I think about an event and say to myself aha this is the moment my marriage really ended, even if it hobbled along for years after that. Hindsight is so awesome, right? There are times I believe my marriage collapsed in in 2001, 0r 2004, or on this trip to Maui in 2006. But who knows.

I’ve visited Maui twice (and the Big Island on another vacay) and loved it so much. What a gorgeous piece of paradise. But as my regular readers know, I don’t enjoy extensive traveling, and so I probably won’t go back again. It’s a long plane flight (for me) and it’s expensive. Takes a lot of planning. Etc. I don’t like to leave Gatsby either. It’s important to me to spend at least a little time with him every day. I feel something’s missing when I don’t.

As I age, a new feeling has begun to coalesce: I can like things, even love them, and not ever have to own them or experience them again. Forex, a house. Sometimes I think, oh gosh, I’ll never be able to afford another house and I “should be” sad about that because isn’t that the American dream, to own a house? But I ponder that more and realize, no, I actually don’t want the burden of home ownership again and I’m happy I’ve had it a few times, when I was younger and had more energy (and when my mother was around to help)… that’s enough. Living in an apartment is easier.

The couple times I did stand-up comedy were fun and I’m glad one of my friends highly encouraged me to try it initially. People seemed to be a bit puzzled that I wasn’t going to do a third routine, but all I wanted to do was prove (to myself) that (1) I had the confidence to go up there in front of a live audience and (2) I possessed a bit of talent to get a few laughs. I accomplished these objectives. I had no need to continue.

A serious destination vacation, such as a trip to a beautiful island, is also something that shall have a happy place in my memory box and not be an item on my “bucket list” (such as it is). What lurks on that mysterious list anyway? When I figure it out, you’ll be the first to know. πŸ˜‰

212335551_849f78564d_z

Advertisements

20 responses to “10 Years After

  1. I was quite touched by your words and the feeling they conveyed. I have been struggling with some of the same issues for the past year since my wife of 20 years left. Sometimes I wonder if it will get any better. I guess, at least, my writing has. Grief seems to be a good muse. Thank you for following my blog and I look forward to reading more of yours. Peace.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks Phil. That’s a long time, about the same as mine. Grief still comes and goes, even after 7 years apart, and other relationships since. It’s sort of like a death. I’ve always found sad times more inspiring for writing purposes than happy times. Peace to you too.

      Like

  2. Wonderful writing, as usual, Paula. It reminds me of things I loved doing in the past but have no desire to do again. It’s a good response when people ask. . . it’s a happy place in my memory box. Although my blogging has turned primarily political, it’s fun to reread the old personal stuff and wonder if that was me. For you and Phil, if you’d had a business that lasted that long, you probably wouldn’t see it as a failure. Relationships are important, and you Paula, do have 2 wonderful daughters as a reward for the years you put in. I hope there are other treasures in the memory box to bring out and admire.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I enjoyed this so much and I understand exactly. Truthfully, I believe it’s all part of that wisdom of age when we start to let go of certain things, and not just physical things. It unclutters our aging minds and helps us focus on the important things.
    Bucket lists are for 25-year-olds.
    I plan to revisit this post time and again as a reminder to let go of things.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. There’s a lot of depth and emotional maturity packed into this piece of writing, Paula. So many people are constantly chasing this goal or that goal, and they’re so busy chasing they never feel content with what they *have* done, or *have* owned. That’s an exhausting way to live, and not the way to peace and contentment.

    Now that you’re done with stand-up comedy, you might try peace and contentment advising. πŸ˜ƒ

    Liked by 3 people

  5. One of my favorite things you’ve written, here. So much in it. Thank you. I can date the beginning of the end of my marriage, too, so that resonated. And oh, the discovering who you are in the face of who the magazines have always told you you should be…

    Liked by 3 people

  6. My last trip to Hawaii was in 1998. Big island. Went with wife and my daughter. I remember trip as being contentious and stressful. The opposite of what a vacation should be. That should have been a turning point in the marriage, but I managed to endure the pain for seven more years. Finally divorced in 2005.

    Like

  7. The world may go ’round and ’round but time marches on in a more or less straight line. I keep discovering that, and I don’t quite like it. But, I guess it’s kind of fun, once you resign yourself to it.

    Like

  8. Did you record your stand-up?

    I hope so, because your poetry performance art was always sublime. You’re a natural.

    Like

  9. Maybe Hawaii is a divorce catalyst. It lets you see how beautiful life can be. Kauai was one of my last family vacations in 2005. We finally separated in 2007. As comments before me noted, this post hit a lot of truths. Coincidentally, just this morning I was thinking about how content I was not to do all the traveling I did when I was younger. Although there are still a few places I would love to visit. πŸ™‚ Thank you for the post, Paula!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Divorce is painful, and I am seeing it first hand in the case of my son. He keeps saying, “Why did she do this to me?”
    Hope you meet someone with an enduring kind of love. Sheen.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Paula – I’m pretty much right there with you. If I didn’t have Craig to fix everything that breaks in the house, which he kind of enjoys, I would probably be in an apt, too, or at least a condo with low to no maintenance. Don’t/won’t have pets, probably, since they can tie you down if you ever decide to leave home for an extended period, as I often do, to visit friends and family in other and farther away places than yours are from you, I guess. Speaking of visiting friends, I absolutely count you among those I want to see when I can, and I can when I’m out there to monitor my mom during the week before Labor Day. Let me know if you’re around and available then and I’ll call you to confirm the week before.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Some things I’ve done and want to do again, only differently (better?) in some way, and some things I’ve done and need not do again, but they all happened for the same reason: So I could have an experience to inform my writing / conversation / choice-making, whichever applies.

    Like

Dazzle me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s