Failure to Solutionize

So I brought my father’s car in Sunday morning for an oil change and check-up, figuring they’d get me for something, as mechanics are wont to do, assuming it’d be battery or brakes, but they called said everything looked great. Yay! Except there was a little bit of a weird noise. Oh? Weird noise? Yah. It might be the timing belt. Did Dad have the timing belt replaced  by Toyota perchance? Well, I didn’t know obv, though it’s hard to believe Dad would have passed up an opportunity to hand someone a wad of money. They thought the best thing would be to inspect further make sure the timing belt wasn’t about to fall apart wreck the engine. Natch. I said I’d bring it back later for that. But I definitely appreciated their thoroughness.

Then I was fussing to Sharon about timing belts and stuff and she got all mad, said she didn’t want to hear this on her vacation. I said it was important, and she said no I stress way too much and fail to solutionize. What is this word, I asked her — “solutionize?” It’s a BMUN (Berkeley Model United Nations) word, she told me, and it’s what I should do instead of drowning in worry. SOLUTIONIZE!

Well, all right then. How can we solutionize about the timing belt issue on the white Camry, I asked her, when I don’t want to pay mechanics to poke around in a 13 year old car, but I also don’t want it to fall apart on our road trip? Simple, she said. We’ll drive the blue Camry to Berkeley next week. But you’re always bitching that the blue Camry isn’t as comfortable, I reminded her. This is why I threw up during my calc final, she said. You drive me nuts. OK.

I guess they must solutionize in the real UN, too. Like if some rogue country is trying to get nukes, the UN peeps don’t sit there and agonize over the end of the world, they simply solutionize and come up with sanctions or whatever.  And if those don’t work, they blame someone’s mom.

Anyway, I called the Toyota dealer service shop this morning and of course my father had the timing belt replaced — way before the 60K maintenance was due, in April 2010. Eyeroll.

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6 responses to “Failure to Solutionize

  1. I’m a big fan of solutionizing … which I tend to define as taking positive action of some kind. But some people figure out the positive action by verbalizing around it first … they’re known as external processors. You’re one. I’m one. Let us talk, dammit.

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  2. Berkeley Model UN? Solutionizing? Bleedin’ Hay Suze, another California education dollar well spent. OK, for less than umpty-zillion dollars per semester, let me summarize:

    Do you have a problem?
    If “no” then don’t worry about it.
    If “yes,” then, can you do anything about it?
    If “yes” then don’t worry about it.
    If “no” then don’t worry about it.

    And don’t ever, ever, ever let the UN get involved in it, since there is no faster or more sure way in the known universe to get it upfucked worse than it already is.

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  3. The part about the calculus final made me LOL.

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  4. It is better to light a candle than to curse the darkness. That’s all she’s saying. Curse rather the tin-eared clown who came up with the word “solutionize”. Verbing weirds language.

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  5. So what I get out of this is that kids should take auto shop instead of go to Model UN so that when they are (inevitably) called upon to solve an international crisis, they will be suitably equipped with proper strategizing and implementationary skill set to fixate the problem.

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  6. I have a college education so I generally like to parameterize the problem space before mapping approaches to outcomes and then selecting the least non-optimal solution.

    I’d have your daughter change the timing belt and ask the mechanic to throw up during the calculus final.

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